Inertia Creeps
by risokura
Summary: Note to self, next time you try to commit suicide, jump off a building. It's a lot more effective. AxelRoxas AU.
1. Northern Downpour

**disclaimer;** I don't own Kingdom Hearts.

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_inertia creeps _

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**1; northern downpour**

…I think I dreamed of green eyes.

They were brilliant; reminding me of smooth, rare, emeralds that sparkled and glimmered when held up to the sunlight. The ones that only the truly mad would seek. Like the crystalline delicate waters of the Caribbean, shifting from soothing to ferocious in the blink of an eye. They were the eyes of an Egyptian king, outlined in delicate charcoal markings and punctuated with small tear drops against the desert sand of his face.

The thoughts went away as soon as they had come, and they left me yearning for more. The moment I tried to reach out and touch them again, someone was pulling me back down and my back slammed against a hard and cold surface. I could feel it, everywhere, nothing but pain. Warm hands encircled me, working fast, shouting out sharp and direct orders. They all melded together and became a conglomeration that I could no longer decipher. I couldn't speak as tubes were being shoved up my nose and down my throat and the pain was starting to numb. The bright lights encircling my vision dimmed considerably.

Why was I here?

What had happened?

Was I going to die?

xXx

"_He's breathing again..."  
_"_Blood pressure improving…"_  
"_I want him discharged to the ICU, ASAP."_

"_Nothing has changed since you've last seen him, in all honesty, he's gotten worse. We thought we were monitoring him closely but…"  
"He's not going to …"  
"We cannot say for sure."_

"_From what I can tell he's slipped into a coma. I don't know how long this will last. It could be days, weeks, months …even years before he wakes up. His intentions this time …have surpassed his past attempts."_

"…_Flowers, hm? A lovely gesture."_  
"_I've heard they cheer up even the worst of places. You know we could definitely use some cheering up around here."_

"_Roxas, dad tried to come and see you the other day. ...We got into an argument as usual and he ended up storming off before listening to anything I had to say. This is hard … it's hard on all of us."_

"_Did I mention Ansem is here? You remember Ansem, don't you? Of course you do, why wouldn't you? …Maybe you can talk to him when you wake up. ...He helped you a lot during …that …time."_

"_I got you new flowers yesterday. Ansem says they do wonders for the atmosphere. You know, it brightens the place up a bit. Sometimes I wonder if you can really hear what I'm saying to you. The doctor's said you can still hear me, even though you're in this coma …"  
_

"_Naminé asked me how you were. I bumped into her at the supermarket the other day before I came to visit you. She came to visit you back when they first put you in this place. But, the sight of you laying up connected to all these tubes …she had to excuse herself shortly after getting here. She couldn't … she couldn't stand to see you in such a way. She might be around to visit again when she's ready, I don't know. She sends her love though."_

_"Had another argument with dad today. He just ...they don't get it, Rox. He doesn't understand how to help you."_

_"I wonder when you'll wake up."_

xXx

I saw many things …many places, many worlds.

Colors flooded in from every corner of my mind. Crystalline mountains, multicolored rivers, disfigured birds that chirped incessantly. The sky always remained red and never changed to any other color. Although, the intensity of the sky would change depending on what time of day it was. When it was morning, there was a light, foggy red haze. The sun would shine above, hot and warm, touching and caressing everything with its rays. When night time came, the entire sky went ablaze in a fiery red hell. The stars and the moon were always black, and the sun was always blue.

The sky was falling into dusk now, the fiery hue of the sun fading behind a city of a thousand lights. Red light painted everything as it reached out to touch every person and thing before it. It reminded me of the sunsets of summer. They were always long and had the ability to turn the sky a thousand shades of different colors. Birds often accompanied the dusk that fell overhead. They flapped their majestic white wings, soaring high into the sky. It looked like they were heading into a sea of flames. It was like hell had migrated into the sky and heaven had fallen to the Earth.

There were other things besides this red sky, disfigured birds and the ever present city.

Sometimes, I was in a forest of trees. Large, short, fat, small, I was surrounded by so many different fauna and flora that it felt like I had my own private garden wherever I was. When the trees disappeared, I was often floating endlessly in a large pool of water. The clear, nurturing liquid flowed all around me. I moved along with absolutely no direction, drifting toward wherever the current swept me.

I felt calm here, like no one could touch or hurt me here. There was nothing to set me back when I all I wanted was to be left alone with my red sky, the trees and this cooling water. I wanted to stay here. To stay away from whatever was waiting for me on the other side. It was better being here than over there. I didn't want to leave.

Maybe this was heaven?

Is it? Is it heaven?

xXx

My eyes were heavy, and I saw nothing but white when I first opened them. My entire body was stiff; every inch of my being itched to be stretched. Bright lights loomed outside of the window by my bedside. The room was nearly dark, eerily painted with dim light by the lights from the city below. There was the steady beep of a machine to my right. A familiar sound no doubt. When was the last time I had landed myself in a place like this?

I tried to sit up, aching as I tried moving my muscles which had remained unused for so long. Fuck, I was weak. The sounds of frustration left my mouth. I flexed what I could, careful of the tubes and wires that were plugged into me. My bones creaked and snapped under every movement that I made. Something in the corner of the room moved, and I heard a tired voice call out to me.

"Roxas?"

It was Sora. He stood up, pressing his coat firmly into the seat. He crossed the room in a few short strides and leaned over my bed side. He looked at me, eyes travelling the length of my body and then they perked up when they landed on my face again.

"You're … You're up! Oh my God, you're _up_!" He sounded surprised.

I turned to look at him in the darkness. My eyes focused in on the short space between us and he leaned over my bed side, eyes full of concern and wonderment. I could barely make him out in the darkness but I presumed he was reaching over to touch my arm as if to assure me of something.

"You're in the hospital." He lowered his voice.

"…What?" My throat ached from having not used my vocal cords for so long a time. I promptly shut my mouth when he laid a hand on mine, massaging it gently.

"Rox, you've been in a coma since late July …it's September now." He looked to the left, biting his lips gently, then turned back to look at me. "I was just about to head home, but …I might just have to spend the night here. I'll be right back, so don't go anywhere …" Not like I could anyway. Was he blind or even aware to what current shape I was in? He leaned back, "I'm going to go get Ansem."

What was I doing in a hospital bed? I leaned forward as far as I could, trying to catch a glimpse at the clock across the room. Why was I even in the hospital to begin with? I was fine. I am fine. God, I need to get out of this bed.

Sora came back in, calling out softly in the darkness, "Roxas?"

The lights flickered to life overhead. I winced at the light, squinting in irritation as my eyes adjusted to the change of lighting in the room. Ansem walked into the room in front of Sora and cleared his throat as he sat down at my bedside. That voice always sounded so different when I was a child. Now it was crisp and dignified. His golden hair had receded over the years, and signs of aging crinkled the corners of his eyes and mouth. He still kept a small trim beard around and under his mouth, though. His eyes were focused on me.

"Roxas. I thought Sora was hysterical when he said you were awake, but perhaps …"

I groaned, trying to move again. My entire body still felt like lead. I sighed in frustration, willing my stupid body to start moving. Hell, where the hell would I go anyway?

He cleared his throat, "Do you have an idea why you're here?"

I shook my head, still unable to work through the fog in my mind.

He folded his arms again, "An overdose, Roxas." He flipped through his clipboard, stopping on a page and looked it over. "You slipped into a coma shortly after you were resuscitated. You've been in one for the past month."

I shot him an alarmed look, eyes wide. _Now _things were starting to come back.

He fiddled with his glasses, "Yes, it is a long time, hm?" Ansem paused briefly, "Roxas, court orders would mandate that I should have had you admitted to a psychiatric ward after all of this, but, we've decided to take a different approach to things. I've been looking at your mental health records from the past few months … it looks like you were already heading for the red."

I looked up at the ceiling, no longer able to meet his eyes. Of course I was. With a psychiatrist like Saix, who wouldn't be? All he was good for was doping me up on tons of pills.

His expression did not waver, "But now …is not the time to discuss this. It is rather late, and tomorrow we have much to talk about. I bid you good night, Roxas. Rest, well." He bowed his head to me, leaving me in the room with my brother. As soon as the door shut behind him Sora looked at me, still biting his lower lip. I hated when he gave me that face.

"Wha?" I managed to croak out. My voice sounded tired and withdrawn.

"I was so worried …"

…Worried.

He was _worried. _

That was Sora all right, still caring about me after all that I had done. I looked into his eyes briefly and saw hurt reflected within their depths. He shook his head, squeaking a bit to try to hold in what he was feeling. He gripped my hand, pulling his chair closer to my bed and laid his head on the side of the bed by my lap. He didn't have to say anything; I had heard it all before.

xXx

Bits and pieces came flooding back to me at the most random times during my stay at the hospital. Sort of like patches on a quilt, being sewn into place with such ease. I never tried to remember too much. Ansem said everything would come to me in time, and truthfully I didn't really care too much about it.

Sora said I looked tired, but I seemed to be getting better. I think he was happy I was in a place where there wasn't a possibility of me hurting myself. He told me our father was steadily calling him about me …asking to speak to me whenever I was in the vicinity. Sora however, refused to every time. Hell, I didn't want to deal with him right now. Not him ...anyone but him.

I don't know how long I was in the hospital for, the time sort of just moved along without me noticing too much. One moment I'd be sleeping or aimlessly staring out the window, and then I'd be in Ansem's office for some type of talk. My sessions with Ansem were …a welcomed change of pace to say the least. I had to see him twice a week for an hour. It was like being back when I was a kid again. Seeing him always seemed to calm me down. Ansem always had ...that _way _of helping people.

Naminé sent me flowers one day and a get well card that read_: Get well soon, I'm sorry I haven't been around, but, I'm with you in this._ Sometimes I wonder why she even sticks by me after all that I've put her through in the past few years. They say friends are supposed to stick with you through the end, but she doesn't deserve to be put through half the stuff I pulled on her.

I regained control over much of my bodily functions within a few weeks of rehabilitation. It wasn't perfect, but I had been making progress, and to those surrounding me, that was the most important thing. The trees outside continually turned to various shades of orange, yellow and red, departing from their vibrant shades of summer green. Autumn was here ...but I still had no idea what month or day it was still. Time was ...time was something that wasn't kept, it floated on by. To be honest, I never really cared to try and keep it.

But, then, on a late autumn afternoon, Ansem came to tell me, "You're going home."

To which I questioned him, "What?"

"You're going home today. Your brother is already here to take you back." He came in with a fresh pair of clothes, brought in by Sora no doubt, "Get dressed, there's someone I want to introduce you to."

I changed into the clothes, observing myself in the mirror for a few minutes. I hadn't really looked at myself in days to be honest. And hell, I looked awful. Like that was a surprise. My hair was limp, and looked lifeless. My eyes were dull and hollowed out, and my skin was too pale. I looked pretty gaunt and the clothes that Sora had brought for me didn't do well to hide that fact.

"Roxas, are you done in there?" Ansem's voice came from the other side of the door.

I slapped the side of my face, letting my hand slide down slowly. Splashing some water on my face, I sighed and opened the door again. I stood in front of Ansem, wiping my hands off on my jeans as he observed me for a few moments.

"It's quite nice to see you out of that gown and your pajamas." Ansem laughed heartily, patting at the space on the bed for me to sit, "Come, and sit." I obliged, looking at him curiously, "I've been studying you, Roxas. Trying to figure out what I should do with you. There's someone I'd like you to meet. He's …well …I'm not sure what to call him. Perhaps … we could call him a nurse?"

I coughed, "…A …**nurse**?" What was I? An invalid?

"A nurse doesn't fit the job description. I'd rather like to think of myself as ...someone that stays around to make sure you don't fuck yourself over. Your own personal twenty-four hour shrink without all the fancy titles, if you will."

I turned my head to the direction of the door. There stood a man just short of six feet tall, with green eyes and flaming red hair. He stood poised against the door dressed in black jeans, an un-tucked white shirt and a large, unzipped black hoodie. Wrapped around his neck was a thick red scarf that matched his untamed red hair. He was thin and lanky, unhealthily thin might I add, but it fit his body for some peculiar reason. His hands were jabbed into his pockets and he had this rather nonchalant look on his face. I could read the undertones though, seeing the slight smirk pulling at the edges of his mouth.

"It's rude to stare, got it memorized?"

I hated him already.

Ansem sighed, "Axel, can you be serious for one moment?"

"Well the latter sounded stupid. What do you expect?" He looked at Ansem with that same cat like grin, and then looked to me. Our eyes met for two seconds.

He sighed again, shaking his head. "This, Roxas, is Axel."

"So you must be the kid Ansem's been telling me so much about." He grinned, "Roxas, hm? Like, Roxy. Like …Foxy Roxy, hm?"

"I'm **not **a kid." I seethed. "And so help me God, if you call me that name again I will kill you."

"Oh, so he's got bite?" Axel's grin widened.

"Axel! Stop antagonizing your charge. I want you to take this seriously. I will not tolerate anything less of what we agreed on." Ansem sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose. He turned his attention back to me, "This was the alternative I found. Something of a conservatorship if you will."

I raised my eyebrows, "Go on."

"You are now in his care even though you will still be meeting with me for routine sessions. I had you transferred from your old psychiatrist back over to me, citing you were now under my care for specific reasons." He looked Axel over, who was tapping his foot against the bottom of the door, "However, I am more or less here to add back up support."

Axel stretched, yawning loudly as he did. He waved over his shoulder, "Well, since introductions are over, and I don't really think the rest of this conversation will concern me, I'm gonna go wait outside. Talk to the old man about whatever before we go." The door clicked shut as Axel exited.

"He may not seem it, but he has a grasp of what it is he's doing." Ansem muttered, and then looked at me, "Roxas, however sarcastic and cocky he may be …don't let Axel get to you, it's just …the way that he is."

I glared at the closing door, resisting the urge to clench my teeth in anger. "I won't."

"Are you sure there isn't anything else you need to ask of me before you depart?" Ansem asked.

"Are you really serious about him?" I paused trying to formulate my thoughts.

He began to walk to the door, and I blindly followed him, "You may doubt his reliability, but …Axel is ...well it's a bit complicated for me to tell you what Axel is. Perhaps, he will be the best thing that has happened to you as of yet."

"He doesn't seem like it."

"An open mind, Roxas. That's all I ask you to keep." Ansem cleared his throat, "Now, if that is all, I urge you to make haste and get going. The road to recovery is long and arduous, but I believe with perseverance you will overcome adversary. Take care of yourself, Roxas."

"Right." I took a look at Ansem, folding my arms and nodded to him.

Sora was outside my room waiting for me after I was done talking with Ansem. Axel happened to be nowhere in sight. Sora smiled cheerily, resting a hand on my shoulder as Ansem filed out the room from behind me. "How are you feeling? Are you ready to go?"

"Fine and yes."

"No problems? Nothing last minute you want to do?" He leaned forward, his blue eyes wide and curious.

"No."

"Ansem?" He turned to the doctor for a sense of confirmation.

"Do not worry, Sora. Everything will be fine." He gave him a reassuring look, nodding his head slowly.

"Alright." He looked back down to me, and nodded his head off to the left, "You're …um …well, Axel. He already went ahead to get your papers all written up and stuff. All you have to do is sign out and wrap up whatever loose ends you have here downstairs." He dropped my hands and began to walk in the direction of the elevator.

"Call me if you need anything at all, I will be glad to help." Ansem looked to Sora who was already in the elevator, "Do take care of him, Sora and make sure his stubbornness doesn't get the best of him. Goodbye you two."

"Bye, Ansem! Thanks for everything!" Sora waved, just as the elevator doors closed. He nodded to me again, and was on his way. Sora jabbed the button for the first floor and the elevator started up and began to move.

"…What day is it?" I asked.

"November 3rd." Sora noted cheerfully "You know what today** is, **right?"

I sighed, rubbing at my temples, "Rikku's birthday is today …" I muttered under my breath. "Is she doing anything?"

"Yes and no. She's doing something small tonight with Yuna and Paine. She didn't want to get hounded today."

"As if the attention will be on her today." I muttered.

"Feeling alright?" Sora asked, concerned.

"Superb." I replied dryly. The elevator chimed as we hit the bottom floor. Before I stepped out, Sora grabbed hold of my shirt and pressed something into my hands. Ah, these. Black sunglasses.

"You might want to wear these." He responded, plucking his own out of his back pocket.

"Lovely, I figured the welcoming committee would be here."

We stepped out of the elevator, walking across the first floor to the entrance. Axel was already waiting for us at the checkout desk. With a hand on his hip he waved to me, grinning, "Ready, Roxy?" He readjusted his scarf and pocketed his hands into his jeans as Sora and I neared him.

"It's** Roxas**." I snapped.

"Don't mind him; he's still kind of grouchy." Sora replied, waving a hand innocently. He lowered his voice and whispered to Axel, "Still doped up on meds, really."

"I'm not deaf." I replied, rubbing at my arm. Looking around shortly, I tapped my foot on the floor, "Can we go already?"

People in the waiting room were starting to whisper and it was unnerving to tell you the truth. There was a pregnant girl and her friend squealing over in the corner of the room jabbing at me and speaking in fast hushed voices. There was some other girl yelling on her phone to a friend about seeing me and was freaking the fuck out.

The nurse behind the desk smiled softly at me, "Hello, Mr. Ardenwell, just sign right here and you'll be ready to go." I signed it quickly and pushed the clipboard across the desk back to her. She smiled in return, thanking me.

I sighed and glanced over my shoulder. I turned back around to look at Sora who asked me, "Ready?"

I nodded, "You lead." Sora grabbed me by the hand, tugging me across the room with Axel trailing behind us.

I entered the haze of a lazy autumn New York City afternoon as I stepped out of those hospital doors. Someone shoved me from behind, and I turned around to find myself being pushed along by a rather large man in a suit. That's when the onslaught of cameras began. Every step I took felt long and agonizing as we were hit by a barrage of reporters and cameras snapping away. People were calling and pushing me from all directions and I felt as if I was going to break at any minute.

"Roxas! Over here!"

"Roxas are you going back to rehab!"

"Is it true you're abusing illegal substances again?"

"Why all the secrets, Roxas?"

"Roxas! Roxas!"

I was pushed into the limousine, Sora followed after, and we pulled away from the hospital. The lights were still flashing as we drove by, headed onto the main avenue and were off in the direction of the highway.

xXx

We call ourselves the Ardenwells.

An old money family, known for their extravagance and wealth. In the early 20th century, after immigrating here from England, Alfred Ardenwell struck it rich in America as a powerful businessman. As he aged, he built his own empire of wealth and influence that carried on well into the 21st century. That was my great grandfather.

My grandfather, Gent, continued on with the family business, and met my grandmother, Yumi, on a business trip to Japan. She was unlike the young women of Japan, yet her exotic appeal seemed to grant her many admirers in her youth. Rumor had it that her father was a foreigner. Her mother sold her for money when she was younger, unable to live with the shame of the child she had bore. She managed to catch my grandfather's eye in an instant, the two shortly fell in love. When he returned to the states, she came with him and they married. They ended up with one boy, my father, Teier, and a pair of twin girls, my aunts Saoko and Hiromi.

Within the next generation, my aunt Hiromi would give birth to our cousin, Yuna. My father of course, married my mother Sabel, and ended up with my older brother Cloud, my twin brother, Sora and our little sister, Rikku.

As of now, my father is head of Ardenwell Corporations, and his fortune that he inherited from his father and so on will be passed down to all of us. We're portrayed in the media as if we're this big important interesting family that the public can't get enough, and it's funny because we all have our own little role to play.

My father's the _respectable_, hard working, stern provider. Whatever he says goes. His ideals and values can never be changed, staying rooted firmly to the ground. My mother was a lively woman in her youth but has become significantly compliant at her current age. She doesn't say much and doesn't put up a fight when my father says something. His word is the ultimate factor in decisions, and he's so stuck in his old ways and traditions that it sickens me.

Cloud's the first born, and my mother and father usually leave him alone and he tends to keep his distance from everyone. Everyone loves Sora, it's always been that way, not that I can harbor any ill will for my brother. He was always the one that people took an instant liking to. I play the part of the screwed up attention seeking middle child. You know, the black sheep of the family. The one that winds up in rehab or therapy for half of their life and basically gives the family a bad name. Lastly, there's Rikku, who as the youngest and only girl, can do no wrong and get away with basically anything.

I've been thrust into the spotlight ever since I was a child.

It came with the territory. This crazy, unstable, psychotic territory.

And everyone wonders why I'm the way I am.

Sora was looking at me intently, as if he were about to say something. I looked at him, raising my eyebrows as if to acknowledge him. He cleared his throat, folding his hands in his lap, "I didn't want to tell you this until later but …dad wanted us to stop by the house before I take you home. They wanted to talk with you."

I blinked, looking at Sora. "What?" Skepticism heavily laced into my tone, "…**He **wants to see me?"

He lowered his voice, "I don't know what he wants. He just told me to tell you to see them. It was important." He looked to me, rubbing his hands in his lap, "I …"

I scoffed, folding my arms. "No."

"I knew you'd say that." He sighed, shifting his view away from me momentarily. He fiddled around with the wine glass in his hands. Sora wasn't much of a drinker, but he had a penchant for wine. I think it's something he picked up from Riku if anything.

"Where's …"

"Axel?" He interjected, "He's following us by car."

"What do you think about him?" I propped my cheek against my fist, staring intently at my brother.

"He's…" He paused, formulating his thoughts, "I can't really say, but I talked it over with Ansem for your outpatient care. I can't always be around you all the time, and …well …"

"Does it look like I need a baby sitter?" I spat, crossing my arms.

Sora sighed, massaging his temples, "Look, Roxas. You're my brother and I care about you. I wouldn't be approving this if I didn't think it was going to be beneficial to your health. …I want you to get better."

"Like I haven't heard that line before." I reclined against the chair, laughing bitterly.

Sora's eyebrows furrowed, drawing inwardly, and an angry pout was starting to grace his features, "Look, I'm one of the few who hasn't given up on you. You know dad wants virtually nothing to do with you, and feels that you've been wasting his time since day one. I don't even know _why _he wants to see you. All he could do was bitch and moan about you while you were still in the hospital."

"No one –"

He cut me off, "I don't **care **what no one asked me to do. You say that all the time. **I **wanted to help you. I **still **want to help you, okay? Unlike him, I still care about you, alright? Isn't that enough?"

I stared at him, not saying anything.

"Ansem knows you, Rox. He's known you since you were a child and I sure as hell think he knows what he's doing. Besides, do you really want to end up in an institution? Would you rather I just let you go without trying to put up a fight?" He looked up at me, his blue eyes ablaze, "It's tough on me too, don't you know? There were times when we were younger that I felt like giving in …but I didn't, because I wanted you to live. I wanted to make you better, fix you somehow."

I opened my mouth to say something but he cut me off again.

"So don't give me a hard time, alright? I've been under enough stress as it is." He picked his glass up again, ending the conversation.

The rest of the ride up to my parent's house was quiet …for me at least. Sora had taken to talking to his girlfriend, Kairi, for most of the ride there. His voice had regained its usual light hearted bubbly air and he was back to being his usual happy go lucky self. They were currently discussing how their days went, Sora noting rather loudly that I had been discharged and I heard Kairi squeal on the other line. No doubt she'd be showing up at our apartment later.

We were raised in Manhattan, but something happened during my late teens that prompted my parents to move to a more private and secluded area out of New York City. They're currently residing in some ritzy area up in Westchester. I live with Sora in Manhattan and Cloud also has his own place in the city with his friend Leon …whom he refers to as his _roommate_. Sora and Rikku are forever speculating that something else is going on between the two of them. My little sister Rikku still lives with our parents, although she spends a lot of time down at Cloud's place.

When the limo pulled up to the house, I could feel a foreboding feeling wash over my chest, paling considerably. I looked up at Sora, who shook his head and nodded outwards. When we got out of the limo, it was the same thing when we had left the hospital. Cameras and lights flickered from the gates that closed off the community from outsiders.

There was a car parked on the other side of the long drive way. Axel was waiting for us, arms crossed as he leaned against his car, "Bout time you guys got here."

Sora laughed, "Sorry, you weren't waiting long were you?"

"Nah, I just got here actually." He leaned off the car, "Do you need me to go in or anything? I can stay outside if this is one of those secret family things I'm not supposed to know about."

"No, no, no, not at all. Come inside. I don't think we'll be too long. You can entertain our younger sister or something; she's a **big **fan of your band." Sora responded laughing.

"How old is she?"

"Seventeen. It's her birthday today, actually."

"Ah, past the prime then."

The both of them shared a laugh, which quickly died out. I hadn't been paying attention really, my mind started wondering again.

"Earth to Roxas." I looked to Sora who was waving at me. Axel had his eyebrows raised; arms still crossed and stayed perched on his car. "Come on; let's get inside so we can get out of this place already."

He unlocked the front door, and we headed into the warm house. The sounds of girlish laughter, which I presumed belonged to be our younger sister rung harshly in my ears. We walked out of the grand hallway and into the living room. Sora poked his head inside the room, knocking on the wall. Rikku was currently sitting on the couch watching television and talking on the phone. She wasn't paying any attention to what was going on behind her. Sora cleared his throat and she looked up. Her eyes immediately lit up when she saw us standing there.

"Sora! Roxas!" Her high pitched soprano voice reverberated off of the walls around us. She leapt off the couch and ran into Sora. She flew into him at full force and he twirled her around once before setting her down on the floor. Next, she turned her attention on me. She gave me a bone crushing hug as a grin took up residence on her face, "Roxas! You're okay! I was so worried!" She paused, "Dad wouldn't let me go see you while you were in the hospital so I had to rely on Sora for updates about your condition."

"Yeah." Was all I could muster.

"Yeah? That's all you have to say? Yeah? What about, 'Happy Birthday, Rikku!' or 'I'm sorry that I worried you'. No, you have to go and say, _yeah, _like, it's no big deal that you nearly–"

"Rikku, that's enough." Sora chided her.

"Happy birthday." I tried, dryly.

"Sheesh." She sighed, shaking her head. "Whatever, I'm just glad you're okay …" She paused, her eyes growing wide, and let out another small squeak. "Oh …"

I turned around to see Axel standing by the door as Sora waved a hand for him to come in. He ran a hand through his fiery tresses, looking around to take in his surroundings. He stopped by Rikku, one hand on his hip, "This must be the birthday girl."

"Y-yo-you …Sora, Axel …Ramirez. What? …Oh my god." Rikku took that opportunity to pass out. Or at least, pretend to. She was always a bit dramatic.

"I always did knock them dead." He grinned, turning around to Sora and the two of them laughed again. I scowled at him, folding my arms over my chest. Sora was trying to fan Rikku into consciousness. Axel caught me looking at him and sighed. "What are you mad about _now_?" He asked, catching my look of disapproval.

I didn't respond, just glared further at him.

"Oh, so you like the silent treatment, is it? I better commit that to memory."

Sora came up behind me after reviving Rikku from the floor and got her to sit down in her chair. She was still making stuttering and incoherent sounds under her breath. Sora sighed, rubbing his head, "Come on and let's get you to dad before he gets into one of those _moods_. Axel, we'll be right back."

"Sure …take your time." He took a seat on the opposite couch, a bit wary as Rikku watched his every move.

"Rikku, behave." Sora called back as we left the two of them alone. He dragged me down the hallway toward our father's study. "Remember how it gets with you. Just try not to let him get to you." He looked over his shoulder at me, his expression was soft, although laced with worry.

The further we got, the more my palms were starting to sweat and I felt my stomach churn. I was starting to feel lightheaded and my hair was standing on end.

"Calm down." Sora whispered, as he stood before the door of my father's study. He knocked on the door, waiting for my father to signal us to go in, "Its Sora."

"Is Roxas with you?" A gruff voice called from the other side.

"Yes."

"Send him in. You are dismissed, Sora."

The doors opened and Sora sent me a meaningful look. He gave my hand a quick, hard squeeze, before disappearing behind the hallway. I walked in slowly, feeling my heart hammering against my rib cage with very step I took. The door closed shut with a resounding thud as I stepped forward. My father's back was facing me. It was silent in the room as I looked to my mother and then back to my father. My mother sat to his side, her lips thinned and hands clasped over her lap. She did not meet my gaze, but rather looked tired and drawn.

"Roxas, sit." My father was firm and commanding as always. My father paced the room, before looking at me again. "You've grown disgustingly pale and thin. What have they been feeding you in that god damn hospital?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but promptly closed it when my father started pacing again. He didn't waste any time and began the onslaught already.

"We pay so much money for you to get better, to get treatment and yet you refuse to acknowledge all that we do for you. It's taxing on us, Roxas, and clearly, your mother and I can't take much more of your disappointments. You're nineteen years old, it is time that you grow up and start acting your age."

"I …"

"I am** speaking**."

I hated that voice. I hated it when I was a kid, I hate it now. I started to lower my head, when he called me again.

"Look at me, Roxas. Look at _me_." I looked up, finding it hard to meet his stone cold gaze. "This is your last chance. The next time you think it's_ appropriate_ to …do something of this caliber, I will make sure they put you away for good. We are a highly respectable family and you are tarnishing our good name, a name my grandfather, **your **great grandfather worked so hard to establish. This is unacceptable." He paused, "Have you anything to say?" I didn't say anything for quite some time, so he yelled rather boldly. "**Speak**."

"…I …"

"You? Yes, let me hear it."

"I …don't …"

"You don't what? You don't want to waste our time anymore? You are clearly doing it. If it weren't for Sora, I would have had you put away after you pulled that little stunt back when you were younger." He scoffed, "I am ashamed to call you my son."

I felt a sinking feeling in my chest, and I was growing light headed again.

"In my day, we had nothing of this. We respected our families. We knew how to represent ourselves. The Ardenwell name is not something to take lightly, Roxas." He sat down in his chair, "I am not sure you understand that."

I couldn't hear anymore. My heart felt like it was about to thump its way out of my chest right about now. Break free of my restrictive rib cage and flop over on the floor by my feet. A pumping, squirting, bloody red mess.

"Would you like to tell us …what exactly troubles you so? What reasons do you have to bring down this family? I would think after everything has been given to you, you would learn to acknowledge the extent of who _you _really are."

What was he talking about? He wasn't making any sense.

"Perhaps it was lapse of poor judgment on your part, certainly not ours. Countless dollars thrown away to fix you. To think you are a child of my blood. No child of mine acts in such a poor and disgusting manner. I wonder if Ansem is holding onto a false hope that you will recover from whatever is wrong with you …you …_ingrate_. Sabel, have you anything to add for our dear son?"

My mother shook her head, drawing her hands to her mouth. "No, Teier." She managed to choke out. This was tearing her up inside, I knew it was.

"Do you think this is nice, my son? It's quite charming, isn't it? Overdosing on drugs and alcohol. Countless times spent in rehabilitation. All of it is simply wonderful. You aren't worthy of the title of being my son. I don't even understand why I still spend my time on you." My father looked back at me with those cold, hard grey eyes of his. "This is your last chance." He said again. "Be wise."

My mother looked at me, eyes void of any expression. I tried to find something within her gaze, but she was just blank.

"You are dismissed."

I stood up, walking out of the study, and closing the door behind me. I walked slowly down the hallway, hearing my footsteps echo through the empty hallway. The moment I entered the main hall, I saw Sora was waiting for me.

"Are you okay? Roxas, what did he say to you?"

I looked to Sora, shaking my head, and drawing my arms inwardly. I felt like I was going to throw up and that light headed feeling came back to me once again.

"Rox?"

I didn't speak when he called my name. I walked over to go sit down in the chair, clutching my stomach as I folded over, rubbing my arms. Sora kneeled down beside me, trying to look into my eyes. Rikku looked down at me, and her expression completely changed. "Hey, bro. You okay?"

Sora made a gesture as if not to press the subject and she frowned in silent defiance. Bending down to look at me, she gave me a kiss on the cheek and I looked at her as she grinned broadly at me.

"Don't let him get to you, okay? I love you no matter what anyone else says. Stay well, alright? And bring Axel back so I can harass him some more!" She paused, "Get better, I'm rooting for you."

…She could be sweet at times, no matter how much of a spaz she was.

"Come on," Sora linked an arm around mine, dragging me out of the chair and out of the door. With a quick farewell to Rikku, I stumbled down the stairs as if I were a child getting used to the concept of walking.

"Where exactly do you two live?" Axel asked as we neared the limo and the car he was driving.

"525 East 80th Street, it's between York and East End Avenue …" Sora shook his head, "Just try and keep close to the limo."

"Gotcha." He paused for a moment, looking at me and then back at Sora. "Is he going to be okay?"

Sora looked to me, and then back to Axel and nodded, "I'll see you when we get to the house."

The driver opened the door for me and closed it back as I got in. Once inside, I climbed into my seat, laid down and curled up into the fetal position facing away from the open door. Sora got in after me, taking a seat by my head. The driver started up the car after he told him that we were heading home and the ride started off in silence.

Sora's thigh nudged against my head, and I opened my eyes to look up at him. He stared back at me and patted on his thigh, motioning for me to put my head up on his lap. With the gentle lull of the car and fatigue overcoming me, I soon succumbed to sleep, finding myself in a place far away from here.

xXx

" …_Yeah, he got out this afternoon. …Dad wanted to see him though and you know what always happens after Rox gets out of one those talks." _

When I woke up, Sora was on his phone talking in a hushed voice to whoever was on the other line.

"_No, don't call him. I don't want to get into it with them either. I've been dealing with him for the past three months; I don't want you involved in this now. I know how you've kept your distance from him and I don't want you wrapped up in any of this. Even if does concern Roxas."_

"_Um, we're heading home now …so, uh, we'll be there in maybe another twenty or so minutes? …Can you pick up some food? Um …I don't know; pick up some sushi or something."_

"…_Oh, look, I think he's up. Listen, Cloud. I'll talk to you later. Call me when you're on your way to the house." _

I sat up, covered my mouth with my hand as I yawned and rubbed at my eyes. I stretched in all ways possible, cracking stiff bones and sore muscles. I turned to look at Sora, who in turn cocked his head at me. I yawned again, grinding my teeth as I straightened my posture in the seat. I looked to him again, "What?"

"How are you feeling?"

I hated that question. "Fine, I guess."

"You're back to normal." I guess three word answers are his definition of normal. He sighed, pocketing his phone. Shifting his legs so that one now rested underneath his thigh, he turned to look at me. "I just got off the phone with Cloud; he's stopping by the house a little later on." He tapped the side of his foot with a single finger, "You hungry?"

"A little." I admitted, shrugging. I can't remember the last time I ate.

"Is sushi okay?"

I shrugged, not really caring. Turning to look out of the window, I noticed we were just a little shy of the FDR and figured we'd be home in a little bit. Sinking back into my seat I nodded, "I don't really care either way, but it's okay."

"Good." He sighed, a bit relieved. "So …anything you want to talk about?"

"No."

He dropped the conversation soon after, probably figuring out that I wasn't going to talk about what happened in the study with our parents anytime soon. We smoothed past traffic on the FDR and within a few minutes, we had pulled up to our apartment building. The minute the door opened, I was being pulled forward again through a mess of people. Between the multitudes of screaming people, I tried to find my way through the crowd without going permanently blind. Sora quickly ushered me into the elevator, and steered me into the direction of our apartment. As soon as he locked the door behind us, he sighed, relaxing against it.

"How long have you been dealing with them?" I asked.

"Since you were admitted to the hospital." He followed my lead, walking to the dining room area. "They kind of …grew less scarce as time went by. But when it leaked out you were being released this morning, they were already there at the scene."

"Hmph…"

Everything seemed to have stayed the same way since I had been admitted to the hospital. Same living room …same kitchen …same furry thing in the corner of the living room. I nearly jumped when said small furry thing moved in the corner of the living room. When it came closer into view, I realized the small furry thing was a dog. It yapped happily upon seeing Sora, pawing at his legs and running around him. Sora bent down to cuddle the small thing, picking it up in his arms, and walked over to me.

"…You got another dog while I was gone."

"I got lonely because you weren't here …and don't give me that look! She was so cute …and small and …" He cuddled the dog, "Don't worry, she's completely up to date with her shots. I took her to the vet and did everything like I was supposed to. …Her name is Soro and she's a Maltese Yorkie hybrid. A _Morkie_! Isn't she cute?"

"Sure." I shrugged, "Just how did you come up with that name, anyway?"

"I combined our names …" He answered lowly, "…Okay, so I'm not that creative, so sue me."

"Are you sure this one isn't just going to end up at Cloud's house …like the other two dogs you got?"

"Positive!" He let the small dog drop out of his arms and she instantly ran over to me, running around in circles and yapping happily. I picked up my foot trying to shoo her away and Sora laughed, "She likes you, that's all." She whined a bit after I paid her no attention, and toddled off back to Sora who stroked her affectionately, "Aww, poor baby. All she wants is a little attention!"

Ignoring Sora, I left the living room and headed off toward my room. It was just as I had left it. Spotless, as if nothing had been touched to begin with. It had looked like Sora had kept it clean while I gone. Sora soon walked in behind me, Soro trailing at his feet.

"Something wrong?" He asked.

"No."

"I kept it clean for you."

"I can see that."

The front door clicked open, and Soro ran out of my room and started barking loudly at whoever had just come in. I spotted a shock of red hair and a lean figure coming around the corner. Axel stopped in the middle of the living room, hands on his hips. "Sheesh, I can't remember the last time I've ever gotten in a tabloid frenzy as bad as that."

Sora left my room, and headed out into the living room, "Did you have any trouble getting up?"

"Hell yeah." He shrugged off his hoodie, and Sora leapt forward to take it from him. His voice echoed away as the two of them headed down the hallway to another closet.

Soro ran back into my room, looking up at me again. She wagged her tail, and began pawing at my legs again. It didn't feel that long ago since I was stuck between these four walls to tell you the truth. Sora knocked on the door a few minutes later, looking in at me. "Come into the living room, please?"

Reluctantly I stood up and walked into the living room. Axel was already sitting in the living room, his chin balanced on splayed palms, his elbows resting on his thighs. He regarded me with a strange expression, gesturing for me to sit. I sat down in the recliner across from him. Axel was fairly young looking now that I got a good look at him. Or maybe he had a young face but he was actually in his thirties or something.

"…Trying to guess my age?" Too intuitive for his own good. "I'm twenty three."

Okay, that was **way **too young. How the hell did he land himself a job like this?

The door bell run and we both turned to see Sora shuffling off to get the door and two new voices entered the fray. The first of which was slightly high pitched, Kairi, and the other was the hazy, slight rasp of my older brother, Cloud.

"It's a mad house out there." Kairi commented as she walked into the living room with her hands on her hips. When she saw me, her hands instantly flew to her mouth and she grinned wildly, "Roxas! Hey!"

I wasn't too keen on my brother's girlfriend. Their relationship always seemed a little bit forced to me. She was the daughter of one of our father's business associates. She had grown up in the spotlight just like the rest of us had. It wasn't that I didn't like her or anything, it's just that …well, she and Sora just didn't seem that right for each other.

Cloud followed in, dropping off a bag with Sora who entered the kitchen. He wasn't really one for words, but he came over to where Axel and I were seated. "How are you?"

"…Okay, I guess." I really wished everyone would stop asking me already.

He turned to look at Axel, "…You must be the live-in." He paused, looked at me and then back at Axel. "I'm Cloud, Sora and Roxas's brother. I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot more of each other as time goes on. Take care of him."

Axel grinned, nodding at him, "Don't worry, I will."

Kairi took the moment to wrap her arms around me and pressed me against her chest, "Roxas!" She rubbed her chin into the top of my head. I pushed her off after she was starting to suffocate me. She bounced down on the seat, drawing her hands into her lap. "Oh, I was so worried! We all were!" I braced myself for five hundred questions. "Do they still have you on meds? Are you okay? Does anything hurt? We brought sushi! I hope you like it! I'm not asking too many questions am I?"

Sora had to stop her halfway, dragging her into the kitchen also, much to my relief. I turned back to Axel, and the serious expression was gone, "You have a lot of people who care about you, you know?"

"…Hm."

"You ever say anything else besides three letter phrases?"

I stared at him, glaring once again.

"I guess I'll just have to learn sign language to communicate with you then."

I tapped my finger against my bicep, "Is annoying me part of your job description?" I asked him, raising one eyebrow, the other furrowed close to my eye.

"No, but I think we can pencil it in somewhere." He responded. Sitting up, he leaned forward, causing me to recline slightly in my chair. "So, what are you thinking about?"

I regarded him for a few minutes, "I don't like you."

"You wouldn't be the first to have told me that."

"Oh really? Then what number am I?"

"I don't know, sort of lost count once I got into the hundreds."

"Seems like you've created quite a following."

"Oh yes, quite a large one indeed." He laughed, "I like you, though. You've got spunk to you."

"Certainly," I paused, "Especially when it comes to dealing with idiots such as yourself."

"I'm so hurt."

"Good."

"You're a little sadistic aren't you?" He grinned, lips unfurling into a devilish smirk. "Do you take pleasure in being so cruel to people?"

"Excuse me?"

"Or maybe you're a masochist?"

This must be a joke. I refuse to believe that Ansem put me in the care of someone so ...so ...infuriating. I promptly stood up out of my seat across from him, stomping around to my bedroom door. Axel followed after me, sliding across the distance to try and keep up with me. I slammed my door behind me right in his stupid face.

"Oh come on, Roxas. I was just playing!"

"Go away!"

I slid onto my bed, grabbing a pillow and curling up with it. The banging persisted, and only subsided when I heard two indistinct lowered voices outside of the door.

_Is he always this ...moody?_

_Don't worry, he does this a lot. Come on, he'll be out soon._

_If you say so._

_He just has to get used to you._

I was finding it harder and harder to believe in Ansem's words as the day was coming to a close, _"Don't let him get to you. He knows what he's doing."_

Like hell he does.


	2. Face to Face

**2; face to face**

One day.

That's all it had taken him. _One _day. He was able to get underneath my skin with that obnoxious grin and his overly effervescent personality and it was driving me insane. I wondered how someone I barely knew could get under my skin in less than twenty four hours and annoy me so much. It was beyond me.

I stayed in my room for the remainder of the day. I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, I was in total darkness and Sora was poking his head into my room, a dim light filtering in behind him.

"Roxas?"

"Hm?" I muttered tiredly, rolling over slightly to face him.

"Are you awake?"

"I am now."

He opened the door further, turning the overhead light on in my room to a low dim. Soro followed in after him, jumping on my bed to settle by my legs. He walked over to my bed, hands on his hips, "Are you hungry? There's some sushi left over in the fridge that I set aside for you."

"What time is it?"

"Close to ten. You've been out for a while. Cloud and Kairi already went home." He paused. "Axel, too."

"I thought Axel's supposed to stay with us?"

"No, he's only here to look after you if I'm gone or anything. Didn't Ansem go over the plan with you?"

"Some of it."

"Well Axel's going to be here from Monday through Friday, and then on Saturday you get shipped off to Ansem's for a little while. Sunday …well, unless I've gone somewhere, he doesn't have to come." Sora shrugged.

It felt like I was in jail or something. I sighed, rolling my fingers over my back as I stretched forward. I exhaled lowly and turned back to Sora. He had currently taken up residence on my bed and had an inquisitive look on his face.

"So, you hungry?"

"…Not really." I slid off the bed, and got up. "…I think I'm just going to go back to sleep right now. It's been a long day."

"Sure. Come on, Soro." The small dog hopped off my bed running after Sora. He turned around to head back out of my room. "Night, Rox. Sleep well." He closed my door, and his footsteps pattered away down the hall to his bedroom.

I stepped out of my jeans, wiggling them down around my thighs and slipped out of them. My shirt came off next, and I wrapped it around my arm, placing them on top of my jeans. Pushing the clothing off into a chair, I then opened my dresser to look around for an old t-shirt and a pair of flannel pants to sleep in. When I had finally gotten myself ready for bed, I slipped into the cool sheets, so long unused.

It was strange …it only seemed like yesterday when I was last here …

xXx

Morning came quickly in the form of a bloody red haze, and the honking of ever present traffic. Soft tendrils of light were floating in through the closed blinds, casting sharp contrasts of light and darkness against the objects in my room. I rolled over onto my side to look at the clock and saw that it was a little after eight. Sora poked his head into my room after knocking on the door to see if I was up. I sat up in bed, raising my eyebrows at him.

"Roxas? Roxas are you up?" He opened the door further, "I'm just letting you know that I'm leaving now and Axel's coming over soon. You can go back to sleep if you want."

"Lovely," I drawled back, slumping into the sheets again and pulling them over my head.

"Try not to be too …difficult for Axel, okay? Try and give him a chance."

"Hn." I replied, noncommittally.

"You know what to do in case you get hungry. I'll see you tonight." Sora waved, closing the door behind him and left my room. I peered over my shoulder at the closed door, and heard his footsteps shuffling across the apartment. The door and Sora's voice trailed out of the apartment as a new one flooded in. No doubt it was Axel.

_He's still sleeping …_

_No problem, I'll just watch TV or whatever until he wakes up._

_There's some cereal in the left cabinet if you get hungry._

_Gotcha. See ya, Sora._

_Bye, Axel! Have fun …or try too._

_Heheh …I'll try._

I curled up in the sheets, shutting my eyes as soon as the door closed. So now I was stuck in a house alone with …**him.** His footsteps got closer to my door, paused, then paced back around outside of it. They eventually gave way, heading off after some time. I turned over in my bed, trying to get into a comfortable position, falling into slumber once again.

xXx

The next time I woke up it was a little after eleven and the sun was high in the sky. Traffic was much louder than it had been earlier this morning with the usual honking from the cars below on the street. I woke up slowly, blinking in an attempt to clear my vision. I blearily crossed the span from my bedroom to the bathroom door outside of it, and began to run some cold water to splash on my face.

After I ran the water for a shower, stepped out of my pajamas and into the bath tub, I noticed something had changed in my absence. Sora had definitely taken away all my razors while I was gone. Ansem's orders no doubt. No sharp and shiny objects for the mental kid, folks.

Getting out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around my waist and went back to my room to find something to wear. I threw on a long sleeved black turtle neck, some socks and a loose pair of black shorts. Sighing, I wrapped my towel around my hair, toweling the blond mess down and shaking it. The floor outside my door creaked again and the television seemed to get a bit louder.

Backtracking into the bathroom, I picked up my old discarded laundry from off the floor. I entered the living room a few minutes later in search of Mr. Irritation. Axel was standing over by the kitchen counter with his back against the edge and his legs crossed out in front of him. He had a bowl in his hand and was eating what I presumed to be cereal.

Turning around, he looked over his shoulder at me and grinned, "Hello, Sunshine!"

Baiting me, again.

I didn't acknowledge him as I walked past him with my laundry and headed into the bathroom by Sora's room to deposit it in the hamper. When I reentered the dining area, he was staring at me, that usual grin on his face. I glared in response, and that grin only widened. He set his bowl aside and turned to look at the news blaring on the television in the living room.

"Roxas Ardenwell was finally released from St. Vincent's Hospital after waking up from a coma two months prior to now. Roxas left the hospital yesterday late in the afternoon in the company of his twin brother, Sora and unexpectedly, Axel Ramirez, lead singer of the alternative rock band, Organization XIII. Once he returned to his Manhattan apartment, in the company of his brother and Axel, he was soon visited by his older brother Cloud, and heiress and model, Kairi Moretti. Roxas has declined to comment as of yet, but his father released a statement this morning in concerns to his son's condition." The broadcaster took a look at the paper in front of him and started to read, "I am overjoyed that my son has finally achieved better health and is looking well. I have confidence he will make a full recovery within time and I am thankful for all of those who have sent their wishes of hope to our family in this stressful time."

"Bullshit." I muttered under my breath, perhaps a bit too loudly because Axel turned around to look at me regarding me with blank eyes for once.

He picked up his bowl, and looked at me. "How so?"

"It's none of your business." I snapped, walking over to the living room and sat heavily down in the recliner. I rested my damp hair against my arms, gritting my teeth as Axel turned off the TV and walked over to where I was sitting. It was like our exact same position from yesterday. When I opened my eyes he was staring back at me, regarding me with an interested expression. There was a clipboard with some paper pinned to it resting on his right thigh. "What do you want from me?" I asked, my voice unwavering.

He leaned back, "What you're willing to give, I suppose."

"And that would be?"

"Whatever you want."

"You're not telling me much."

"Ah, but this isn't about me." He grinned, "It's about you. That's why I'm here."

I sat up, leaning forward. I opened my mouth, closed it and looked at him, hard. "You don't even know me."

"No one does when they first meet someone new, silly."

"What would you know?"

"Common sense." He folded his hands together, reclining in his seat. He sighed, shaking his head, "Look. I'm not here to antagonize you nor am I trying to make a god damn case study or some shit out of you. I can only start doing this job right when you stop being so uptight."

"Whatever."

He paused, rolling his eyes. "Alright, since this conversation is going absolutely nowhere, let's start with something simple, hm? What you think of yourself?"

Well that was something new. "I'm crazy." I instantly responded.

"Yes yes, good, but they're varying degrees of insanity. Where do you think you fit in?"

"Fucking neurotic."

"That's not telling me much."

"I probably rank a high ten on the crazy list, maybe I go even higher. Is that good enough for you?"

"Very much so, but the hostility is a little overbearing..."

"I'm a fucking psychopath. Didn't you read that on my charts?"

"But do you really believe in what those charts say? Don't you think that you'll get better someday?"

"I'm not getting better. I'm permanently fucked in the mind, didn't you get the memo?"

"Oh yeah, completely. I also got the memo that you're more moody than a PMSing teenage girl."

"Didn't I just say that I was fucking crazy?"

"Oh, but you're not crazy. At least I don't think so."

Was he completely fucking stupid? "What about _highly _unstable?" I tried, leaning forward.

"Hmmm, perhaps. But is that what you think? You've probably been diagnosed with just about every disorder listed in the DSM. Am I correct?"

"You don't know anything."

"You're right, I don't. But I can guess some things." He paused as if waiting for me to say something. "Well? Don't close up on me now. We were just getting somewhere." He mock laughed, holding a hand over his mouth.

"Oh yeah, we made a hell of a lot of process." I retorted sarcastically, sitting up.

He wrote something down on the board that had been resting on his thigh, then looked back up at me, eyebrows furrowed, "If you're wondering what I'm doing, it's just a personality assessment test. So far, you have a couple of big red X marks next to cooperative, helpful, calm, friendly, kind, and understanding. You do however have a few green marks next to …let's see …assertive, emotional, pessimistic and frank." He smiled at me, "I'd say we're off to a wonderful start."

"You know what; I'm getting tired of this." I glared at him, making a move to get up.

"Ah, ah, ah, Roxas." He looked up at me, watching me as I walked around the couch heading toward my room, "Running off to sulk in your room like a moody teenager isn't going to help any!"

I turned around to look at him, eyes simply murderous, "Fuck off and fuck you." I slammed my door shut, stalking over to my bed and buried myself within the sheets.

He knocked on the door, "Roxxxasss."

"**FUCK** OFF!" I yelled back drawing my pillow over my head, trying to calm down.

Note to self. Next time you try to commit suicide, jump off a building instead of overdosing. It's a lot more effective.

xXx

The next time I came out of my room it was around eight o'clock and had grown quite dark. Axel was sitting in front of the TV, legs crossed, his arms crossed over his chest, and playing around with something in his mouth. He looked up at me, lifted his arms a bit higher and tilted his head to the side.

I narrowed my eyes, walking across the living room and into the kitchen, "Don't even start."

"I wasn't." He called to my backside.

He didn't say anything else, but merely went back to tapping his foot against the floor and watching the TV. I fixed myself some of the sushi Sora had mentioned earlier, finding some chopsticks in a random drawer and sat down in the living room to eat it.

I picked at it rather than anything else. It felt like he had his eyes on me the entire time I was eating and it was unnerving to say the least. When I looked at him, he wasn't looking at me in fact, but was laughing at some stupid sitcom on Fox Five. I finished up my sushi, putting my plate into the sink and threw my chopsticks into the garbage. The phone rang a few minutes later and I went to answer it.

I sighed into the phone before asking, "Hello?"

"Roxas!" It was Sora, "Heyyy, just calling to check up on you. How are things going with you and Axel?"

I looked over my shoulder at the red head and curbed the feeling to outright scream into the phone. I cracked a sadistic smile, feeling a bit crazy as I did it, "Fine." I managed to choke out.

"Are you sure? You're being cooperative?"

"I'm not five, Sora."

"Yeah, well I know how you get."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"You know ...extremely anti-social." He responded, laughing, "Giving people hell. You know what I mean."

I frowned, "I don't."

"You do."

"Shut up."

He laughed again, "I'll be home soon. I'll see you in a few, okay?"

"Alright." I responded, "Bye." I hung up the phone, slamming it down into its cradle and pressed my head against the wall, sighing. I looked up at Axel again who had moved yet again, flipping through channels for something to watch. Turning my attention away from him, I went down past the kitchen to the study to find a book to read in my boredom.

I certainly wasn't going to talk to Mr. Moron in the living room again, and I thought it'd be nice to get some quiet reading done in the study. Naminé was always sending us books now and then to fill the empty shelves of our book cases and I noted that she'd been sending quite a bit since my last stint in the hospital. Besides, Sora hardly reads as it is, so more or less the books in here only get read by me.

Running my hand over a couple of books I picked up a book with some obscure title and set to reading it. I sank into a seat by the door, kicking my feet up over a chair and falling down into it with my book. A few minutes later I heard a key turning in the lock and Soro started barking.

Sora came in yelling, "I'm home!" slamming the door behind him.

Sora and Axel's voices melded together in the living room and Sora's footsteps grew heavier as they neared the study. He knocked on the door and I eyed him, before turning back to my book, "What are you doing?" he asked cheerfully.

"Reading." I replied.

"Ah, well." He paused, turning around.

Axel poked his head into the room, grinning broadly at me. "See you tomorrow, Roxy!" He waved, disappearing around the bend of the room.

I merely glared at his retreating form as Sora also disappeared out of the room for a few minutes.

The front door opened and shut, and Sora came back a few minutes later, running his hand through his hair, "So, how was your first day with Axel? Did you have fun?" He smiled, tapping a finger to his face.

I closed my book, sticking my finger between where I had left off reading, "Oh, I had the most spectacular time. We had a tea party and ate cookies and shared our deepest darkest secrets." I seethed; pretty sure that Sora had gotten the hint that today had been hell.

"Why do I get the feeling that this spectacular time mainly meant you spending the entire day in your room not bothering to talk to Axel?" He asked, massaging his forehead.

"Because it did." I brushed past him, walking into the kitchen, setting my book down on the counter.

"Rox_as."_ Sora whined, walking into the kitchen and sighed, "What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I replied, getting a glass of water. I eyed the clock and saw that at least an hour had passed without me even realizing it. "I'm going to bed, goodnight." I waved out half heartedly behind me and Sora sighed as I reached my room and slammed the door behind me.

xXx

My second day with Axel wasn't as catastrophic as my first one had been. I spent the majority of the day reading while he watched television for most of the morning. When afternoon came, he stopped watching TV and took to writing something down on the clipboard he had had with him from yesterday. The day passed with minimal interruptions and I had gotten my first break from him in the three days that I had been with him.

The third day however wasn't as pleasing as the day before and Axel had managed to piss me off …**again.** I had been standing in front of the mirror trying to get dressed when he appeared in the arch of my doorway and said, "Anyone ever tell you that you have the body of a twelve year old girl?" I promptly slammed the door in front of his face, yelling at him to once again go fuck off and die.

I spent the rest of my week yelling and screaming more than I had ever done in my entire life span. If I slammed that door one more time, it was bound to go flying off its hinge at any moment now.

I think I had officially established that Axel Ramirez was an arrogant, moronic, pompous …piece of …ugh; there were no other words that I could find to describe him. He antagonizes people, drives them over the edge and makes me actually want to rethink about the concept of suicide because it'd be a hell of a lot better than spending their time with him.

I was so relieved when Saturday had finally come and I was finally able to get a breather from Axel. Sora woke me up so we could head downtown to Ansem's office for my weekly session with him. The minute he saw me, he welcomed me into his office, instructing me to take a seat on the couch opposite him. I got comfortable, laying back and exhaling slowly.

"Has it really been a week since I've last seen you?" He asked, shuffling the papers in front of him.

I nodded, not responding verbally. He moved closer to me, sitting down heavily in the chair across from the couch. He cleared his throat a couple of times and inhaled sharply.

"So, how have things been since I've last seen you?"

I opened my eyes staring at the ceiling. What was I going to tell him? I hated Axel and could barely tolerate him? That he was psychotic, even crazier than I thought I was? "…I …" My voice wavered a bit, and I closed my mouth, swallowing hard and sighed.

"You are hesitant."

"Well, yeah."

"What's on your mind?"

"I …" I tried again, "I don't know where to start. It's been awhile for me too."

He reclined in his chair, "Take your time, I am in no rush here. Just speak about whatever comes to mind."

Where could I start? I took a deep breath, "I went to see my father after I got out of the hospital." I paused, "My parents should be the better terminology, but …it felt like I just went to see my father."

"Ah, Teier." He paused, "Was the visit pleasurable?"

"No." I instantly answered. I pressed the bottoms of my palms against my eyes in an attempt to calm myself down.

"We do not have to talk about it if you don't want too."

"I know that but …" I took a deep breath and sighed, long and hard, "Ansem, he hasn't changed."

"Teier …is rather stuck in his old ways. He has been ever since you were a child am I right?"

"Demanding, controlling, constrictive. He wants everything to be under his thumb and he's never changed that about himself." I shook my head, "What does he want from me? It's not my fault I'm like this, is it?"

"You cannot be blamed for the things that happened outside of your control, Roxas. As humans, we have much that we can control and then there is much that we cannot."

I sighed, "…Tell that to him and he'd be running up your neck in less than ten seconds flat."

Ansem chuckled, "Ah, I doubt I would want to experience that. I have known Teier for many years and I know of what a horrible temper he does harbor. It is not a pleasant thing if I may say so myself."

"Hm."

"Is there anything else you wish to talk about?"

"Axel." I replied, feeling my face constrict at the mention of him, "I want to kill him."

"Ah, so I see he has gotten to you." Ansem chuckled once again.

"...I've never met someone who's tested my temper so much." I gripped at the air, grinding it with my hands.

"How have your days been?"

"Terrible." I scoffed, resting my hands across my stomach, "He sits there making quips and being his normal obnoxious self all the time and then we get nothing done."

"Slammed doors, I presume?"

"Have you been talking to him?"

Ansem shook his head, laughing once again, "No, but I think …after my many years of knowing you I would have guess your reaction to him by now."

"Ha ha ha." I rolled my eyes at Ansem, "You say he's supposed to help me, but I don't see him doing anything but annoying me."

"Well, there's not much you can do right about now. You're still under a sort of 'house arrest' if you will …and that won't be getting lifted anytime soon. Until Axel, myself and your brother feel comfortable with letting you out, that is. I'm sorry Roxas, but you're going to be stuck inside …unless he or someone else is with you."

"I'm at my wits end, Ansem."

"I would suppose so. Axel does have that effect on people." He paused, pulling a paper out of the book on his lap, "He sent me your character analysis chart." There was a hint of mirth to his voice.

"I already know what it says; you don't even have to read it."

"There are quite a bit of X's on this page, Roxas. Perhaps, it was a bit much to ask you to keep an open mind about Axel." He paused, "Ah, he added a note, 'You sent me a real winner'."

"Charming." I deadpanned.

"He thought so too." Ansem pushed the paper back into his book and folded his hands over. "Axel …is quite a character."

"Quite an asshole is more like it."

"I'm pretty sure your attitude about him will change as you progress and get to know him. Perhaps depend on him to a certain degree."

"I don't depend on anyone."

"I figured you would say that. I did not mean to imply that you would depend on him …in a sense that you are inept without him, but more or less as a source of …perhaps …comfort of some sort."

"Ansem, what are you getting at?"

He shook his head, "I cannot say anymore."

"Hmph."

"I just ask that you try and start anew with him. Get to know him, let him get to know you. It is hard to break down the walls you have built, but I sense that Axel will be something good for you. Something refreshing." He regarded the city behind me, taping his finger on his book. "That is what I think."

I felt my stomach churn slightly. Whenever Ansem thought of something, he was usually right ninety-nine percent of the time. The matter of it was, I didn't want him to be right, I just wanted to be left alone. To live out my life the way that I wanted it. Without Axel.

"Has anything else been bothering you that you would like to talk about?"

"No." I replied. "Just …my father and Axel."

He shrugged, "We may end the session here if you would like."

"Fine by me."

He folded his book up, as I sat up from the couch. Walking over to his desk, he placed his book down, and sat down in his chair. I walked over, standing across from him. "A word of thought before you go." He folded his hands in front of him, "Don't push away from what you might want. Just keep that thought in mind, Roxas."

I sure as hell wasn't.

"Do not ask me what it means, because it's for you to discover for yourself." His expression softened, "In the meantime, try a different approach to Axel. If you can try and curb your differences for one day, even that will be a miracle. With that, I bid you farewell. Stay well, Roxas." I pushed opened the door and Sora perked up from his magazine, putting it back into the bin. Ansem came out from behind me, nodding to Sora, "He's all yours, Sora, see you next week. Remember what I said, Roxas."

I turned to look over my shoulder at him before boarding the elevator with Sora.

xXx

The next Monday when Axel came, I took to Ansem's advice and decided to try _fresh_ with Axel.

I was waiting for him, already up and dressed when he came in that morning after Sora had left to tend to his restaurant. His usually spiky hair was straight for once, falling over his shoulders and in his eyes in messy tendrils. He had a pair of sunglasses balanced precariously on his forehead, and the shades threatened to fall off at any moment.

"Well this is new. You're actually out here before me. What gives?"

I stared at him, taking a deep breath as he sat down. "Why did Ansem send you to me?" I took a sip of my coffee that I had set down on the coffee table.

"And you're being civil. This is **definitely** a new thing."

"Shut up and answer my question."

He looked at me, a sideways look on his face, "Well the answer is obvious."

"What?"

He grinned, throwing his head back and laughing, "I'm clearly the best that there is! Didn't you figure it out already?" I resisted the urge to punch him in the face, taking a deep breath and tried to calm myself. He stuck his tongue out at me and winked. He had a **tongue **ring. "I'm surprised; you didn't get up and run out of the room like you had tourettes or something." He grinned, "Did good ole Mr. Wise give you a stern reprimanding?"

"No, he just told me you're an idiot suffering from a very severe case of profound mental retardation."

He laughed, rolling his sleeves up and he leaned forward in his seat. There were some black markings on his lower left arm and I noted that there was a elaborate "VIII" tattooed on the inner shell of the skin. He caught me staring, and looked at his own arm. "I see your checking out my goods."

"I was looking at your tattoo, moron."

"Jeez, can't you take a joke for one minute?" He rolled his eyes.

I sighed, shaking my head, "How long did it take?" I asked.

"For this?" He waved his arm, "Oh …maybe an hour or two? I don't know I was too smashed to remember when I got this bad boy done." He shrugged, "You know, life of a rock star."

"Life of an idiot is more like it."

"I'm not denying I've done some stupid things. We all have. We're only human."

"Yeah, whatever." I rolled my eyes at him, "Anyway, you never answered my question. Why did they send you to me and not someone else?"

"It's a long story."

"We have time. Go on; tell me about yourself, Axel."

"…Ah ah ah. No, this isn't about me, it's about you."

"How am I going to feel comfortable about you if you don't tell me about yourself?" I tried, innocently.

"Are you trying to use reverse psychology on me?"

I smirked at him, cocking my head to the side quickly and folded my arms, "Maybe."

He grinned in return, "…You _are _crazy. A little deviant, actually."

"I know I am."

"Alright, I'll play your little game, Roxas. But only if you answer questions about yourself in return." He stretched out against the couch, relaxing his arms on the top. "Deal?"

I shrugged, "Deal, I'm going first. First off, what exactly do you do?"

"Like I said, I'm your live-in. I make sure you don't fuck yourself over permanently. Let's call me your, 'guardian angel on earth'. I'm sort of like a shrink but without all those fancy STD's and shit. Someone who's here to relate to you on a more personal level. I don't know how else I should explain it."

"It's called an MD or a PhD."

"Ah ah ah, no interrupting." He waggled a finger, "Now, I get to ask a question. Let's see …what size shoe do you wear?"

"What the **HELL** kind of question is that?"

"Ah, answer it."

"…A size five in mens."

"Ahh, you have cute little baby feet."

"Shut. **Up.**" I punched my fist into the seat. "That …can't be your natural hair color, is it?"

"I don't know …" He grinned, leaning forward. "Wanna check for me?"

I felt the color drain from my face and nearly choked on my coffee, "That's _disgusting_." I coughed harshly into my hands and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, sputtering a bit more as I tried to clear my airways.

"Hey, you asked."

"There was nothing _sexual _involved in that question, you moron."

"Me, next!" He clapped giddily, "Hmm …what's your favorite cereal?"

"Honeycomb."

"Seriously? I thought it would be some boring grandpa cereal like …Bran or something."

"Yeah, well I'm full of surprises." I rolled my eyes, "Right handed or left?"

"Left hand dominant, baby." He winked, "Hmmm…vanilla or chocolate flavored—"

"…If this question gets sexual at **all** I'm going to deck you in the face."

"…Flavored ice cream." He winked, "You know …for **eating**."

"…Right." I rolled my eyes, "Chocolate. You know. For **EATING**."

"Ahh, I'll keep that in mind." Axel laughed folding his arms.

"Whatever." I tapped my finger on the chair, "Let's do something else."

"Well I'm kind of hungry …" He sat up, rubbing his growling stomach. "Your brother left us some money …let's order some lunch or something."

"There's a list of numbers on the fridge, take your pick."

"What do you want?"

"Doesn't matter to me," I replied, nudging away Soro with my foot as she whined at me.

"I'm getting Chinese!"

"Whatever."

I wouldn't say it was a turning point in our relationship, but we were able to finally converse with each other without me slamming any doors or getting angry at his comments. The week continued on in the same civilized manner, much to Sora's happiness and my slowly elevating stress levels.

It was a good thing, I suppose.

xXx

I got a visit from Naminé on Friday.

I hadn't heard anything from her since I had been discharged from the hospital last Sunday, and when I saw her standing in front of the door that Friday afternoon, it was all I could do but stare rather than say anything.

"Roxas, hello." She smiled softly, her voice still as caring as I had remembered. "May I come in?"

I nodded, moving to the side to allow her to walk in. Axel looked up from the television, "Who is it, Roxas?"

Naminé walked into main room, stopping short a few feet away from Axel, "You must be, Axel." She folded her hands in front of her and regarded him with a soft expression.

"Your girlfriend?" He asked, grinning.

Naminé shook her head, laughing delicately, "Oh no, just a really good friend. I've known Roxas for years." She paused, "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

I shook my head, "No. Perhaps even saving me from the inevitable mental torture I'll experience today."

She laughed again, "Well then …could we perhaps talk for a little bit? I stopped by today because I wanted to catch up with you …see how you're doing and whatnot."

I looked to Axel; he shrugged, and rolled back over in his seat, clicking away at the TV. "Keep your door open. I know how you teenagers are." He said, no longer looking at us.

I grimaced at him shortly, as I ushered her into my room before she had a moment to question me in front of him. Naminé sat down on my bed, folding her hands in her lap. I sat opposite her, drawing my left leg onto the bed while my right stayed swinging. I tapped my feet against the carpet while she fiddled with her nails.

She looked up at me, pressing her left hand into the bed. "How are you?"

"Fine." I shrugged.

"I'm sorry I didn't visit earlier, it's just …I don't know, I couldn't …I …" She paused, shaking some hair from her face, "I had a lot of things on my mind, and I didn't want to come and see you and say the wrong thing. I wanted to formulate my thoughts and gather them before we had a chance to talk."

"That's understandable."

I cocked my head to the side, as she turned around, clasping her hands together, "So, how is Sora?"

"He's …good. Busy with his restaurant business, but he's doing fairly well."

"And Cloud?"

"Quiet and reserved as always." I shrugged, "What about you?"

"Oh …I've been doing well, too." She paused, "I'm having an art show exhibition next Friday."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, I've been working on many new pieces …" She looked to me, her blue eyes soft, "I'd love if you could come and visit if you're not too busy."

I shook my head, "I'm not sure if I …"

"Why not?" She asked, curious.

"I've got this sort of …new _arrangement _thing going these days." I narrowed my eyes at the thought of Axel, "You know, Axel sort of has to …in some respects, **approve**, of places before I go there. It's …"

She thought to herself, "What if he were to bring you, would that …not be okay?"

"I could ask him…" I frowned, scrunching my nose up slightly.

"Well, if you can make it, I would greatly appreciate it." She drew her hands over her heart, "It would mean a lot to me."

I sighed, shaking my head. "I'll see what I can do, Namine."

"Thank you." She jumped, rummaging around in her skirt pocket and looked to see her cell phone vibrating. "It's Larxene …" She sighed, "I'm sorry, but I have to go, Roxas."

"Larxene?" I asked, as she stood up.

"A model I'm working with …" She smiled, "She's really busy. I was lucky to actually do some work with her. She's a wonderful person …I …we've become good friends from working with each other."

"Sounds like you really like her."

Naminé nodded, her smile only widening slightly. "If you can go to the exhibition, I'm sure you'll meet her." She picked up her bag and I followed her out of my room. Axel picked his head up dully to look at us, before putting it back down as we neared the front door. "I'll drop by again." She started, smiling softly. "Sometime soon, when I'm not so busy."

"Alright." I shifted my weight from one leg to the other, "I'll get back to you about the art exhibit."

"Take care of yourself, Roxas." She hugged me quickly, and walked off to go catch the elevator. After she had boarded, I closed the door and slid down to the floor.

"Unrequited love?" Axel asked, flipping through channels.

"She's a **friend**." I called back.

"Uh huh, and I'm the tooth fairy."

"Go die."

xXx

"Have you progressed any since I last saw you?"

"We're talking. Axel and I, that is." I looked at Ansem, "In a civilized manner. It's a big step up from last week, hm?"

"I knew it wouldn't take long for you to break down that wall of yours."

"Who said that I did?"

"You're letting him in, aren't you?"

"Only on the surface."

"Ah, you have to get your feet dirty on the surface in order to be prepared for what's below."

"And that's supposed to mean?"

"Some food for thought."

"…You know, that line gets old after awhile."

"I've been using it since I ever started my practice."

"I know. Remember, I complained about it all the time when I was a kid."

"Ah, yes." He fixed his glasses, "You used to do that a lot in your earlier years."

"I'm not that old."

"I was not implying that you were. Nineteen years of age is hardly considered old. I however, may be a different story."

"Hm hm …"

"Any new developments?"

"Naminé came to visit me."

"Ah, yes. The lovely Ms. Fedorov. How is she?"

"She has an art exhibition coming up. Tell me …am I still under this house …arrest thing?"

"That would be up to Axel."

I groaned, "Oh yes, Mr. Moron decides if I'm functional or not."

"Ah, you've already given him a nick name then?"

"He doesn't know about it."

"Does he call you anything?"

"Roxy." I scoffed, "If he actually called me by my real name, it would be a miracle."

Ansem chuckled, "Yes, I would say you two are doing just fine."

"By your terms, maybe. By mine, hardly."

"Time will change that."

"Right." I sighed, "Now back to Naminé …"

"Perhaps you can just ask him. See what he says."

"…He's already convinced that I'm in love with her. I can see it now, 'Oooo, your little girlfriend is having an art and crafts club meeting? Of course, you can go! Don't forget your finger paints and your little clown smock.' Or something equally stupid."

"I cannot argue with you there."

"Hmm …"

"I wish we could discuss this more, but your time is up." He sat up, and I followed suit, easing off of the couch to stand up, "You are making progress Roxas, despite what you think. I can only hope you can continue on this same pace that you're going at. Keep it up. I'll see you next week. Tell me about the art exhibition if you go, alright?"

I nodded, pushing open the door and headed out into the hall to meet Sora.


	3. Aerodynamic

**3; aerodynamic**

_I was instantly mesmerized. His hazel eyes were ablaze, like amber engulfed in fire. His hair was like the moonlight, shimmering and soft with each delicate toss of his head. Flawless tanned skin, kissed with the dirt of mother earth. He smiled at me, his teeth all neatly arranged and perfectly white, carrying no err just like the rest of him. He smelled of spices, ones from exotic lands that were far away from home. I blinked, looking up at him. He caressed my cheek briefly, tickling my neck. His hands were smooth and cool. I fidgeted, drawing my shoulder up to my chin as he let his hand drop to his side. _

"_Roxas …you've grown since the last time I've seen you. Do you remember me?_ _I'm your Uncle Xemnas. I've known you since you were born." _

"_He's terribly shy though. Sora's the livelier of the two."_

"_He has Sabel's eyes."_

"_They both do."_

"_How is Sabel?" _

"_The doctor says she'll be due in November. We're finally getting a little girl."_

"_After all this time, hm?" _

"_Third times the charm."_

_They shared a laugh._

"_Where is Sora?" _

"_Most likely following Cloud around. I'll call them down right now so you can see them. We'll discuss business afterwards."_

_We were alone again. He turned to me, smiling again, He said nothing. I looked up at him, pulling my bear closer to me. I stepped back a bit, feeling a bit unnerved by how long he was looking at me. Amber met sapphire. They clashed._

xXx

I stepped into the living room on Tuesday morning, cradling my arms and pressing them against my chest in trepidation. As I approached Axel, he looked up at me. His wild hair was drawn back into a ponytail and he was wearing what I noticed to be ...reading glasses?

"Morning sleeping beauty." He looked up at me briefly, turning back to his work.

I bit the inside of my cheek, not saying anything still.

"Something wrong?" He asked, looking back up at me when he realized I hadn't said anything.

I walked closer to him, clearing my throat. "This Friday, my friend Naminé, the one that you're convinced is my girlfriend, is having an art exhibition. She's showcasing some new works of hers."

"Mmm hm?"

God, I felt so stupid asking him. "Look, can I go?" I mumbled.

He grinned giddily, pushing his glasses up into the spiky mess of his flaming red hair. "Let's see …that's the day after Thanksgiving, right?"

"Yeah."

"Where's it at?"

"Somewhere in Chelsea."

"Hm…" He rubbed a hand on his cheek and then grinned, "Sure."

I sighed, letting my arms drop to my sides.

"It took that much out of you to ask me something that simple?"

"No."

"Is something the matter?"

"No."

"And we were making so much progress …" He drawled.

"Shut it, Axel. I'm not in the mood today."

Axel pushed his glasses back up on his nose and set to work. He seemed to be a quick study. If I was moody, you left me alone. If I was quiet, that meant that it was somewhat okay to approach me. There were no in-between or special occasions. I walked myself into the kitchen looking for something to ease the growling in my abdomen. Sora had left me a vegetarian omelet in the microwave for breakfast so I heated that up. I sat down at the island clicking on the TV to see what was on.

… _Stocks have gone down in …_

… _I have to tinkle too! … _

…_And Swartz makes the pass too …_

…_It's tough being the HBIC…_

…_Do you want a nice cuddly friend? …_

…_Io voglio il cibo …_

…_TELEMUNDO!..._

…_Let's bring out our next guest, Sha…_

…_You're watching TRL …_

Sighing, I left the channel on some sob fest day time talk show where some women was crying about the death of her 2 year old cat, Mittens, who had "committed suicide" by jumping out of the window of her three story apartment building. How she had concluded that her cat committed suicide was beyond me.

_Can you tell me what it was like for you to see Mittens jump out of the window and into the street?_

_Oh, it was simply tragic. He was always so happy and energetic. _

They flashed a picture of a male cat dressed in a pink ballerina outfit, complete with ballet slippers and tiara. No wonder the damn thing committed suicide. I would too if my owner dressed me in stuff like that.

_Well, you must feel absolutely horrible, Brenda._

_Oh I really do._

"Hey, Roxy?" I turned to look at Axel, making sure the glare was evident in my eyes. I _hated _that name. He seemed unperturbed in the manner in which I regarded him with though. "How tall are you?"

"Why?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed, "I need it for your evaluation charts. Just to make sure they're valid."

"…Five foot four and a half."

"Damn, you're short." He went back to writing whatever he was doing, not paying much attention to me.

I rolled my eyes at him as I empted my dishes into the sink and ran water over them. Cloud stole all the tall genes from the rest of us, seriously. Next to dad, he's the tallest person in the family. Sora and I are barely any taller than our mother.

Axel stood up, tucking his board away into his bag. He walked over to me, his arms folded. "Let's do something today." He rubbed his chin, "How about we go antiquing?"

"_What_?" What the hell?

"Come on, it'll be fun. We can go and look at old stuff." He shrugged, "Besides, you need to get out of this house."

"No."

"Ah ah, no refusals."

"I'm not refusing to do anything. I think going antiquing is a stupid idea."

He grinned, "It's not a stupid idea, and you might something that you really like. Come on, Roxy, don't be a sour puss, we can find some really …pretty and old stuff to spruce up this apartment with."

I stared at him long and hard, folding my arms, "Sora put you up to this didn't he?"

Axel shook his head, "Not at all!"

"You're lying."

"Nope nope, I cannot tell a lie, said I."

"Stop being so retarded."

"I'm not." There was a pause in the conversation, "Let's go! Let's go!"

"No."

"Roxasssss."

"Axel."

"Come on; let's get out of the house! You need a change of scenery!"

"I rather like the scenery already."

"I knew you did." He was starting to grin.

"I see you suffer from ever present delusions of grandeur."

"And you're a stubborn little mule." He sniffed, jutting his hips outward, resting his fists against them, "If you don't go out antiquing with me …" I swear if he was about to say what I think he was going to say, I could very well shoot Axel in the face. "You can't go to your little girlfriend's art show."

Bingo, I knew I would be right. I glared at him, and pushed past him to go get my coat from my room. "You are _beyond _childish." I mumbled.

In response he stuck his tongue out at me and grinned, "No, I just know how to win."

xXx

Antiquing was stupid.

I spent the entire day in Greenwich Village with Axel wandering aimlessly. It was holiday season which meant the amount of tourists in the city had increased by basically tenfold. Also, note to self, get some better sunglasses. You know, for just one day in my life, I'd like to walk the streets of Manhattan without being attacked by crazy fan girls who want to strip me naked and jump my bones. Jesus.

Axel however seemed to be a lot more natural with the whole famous thing. He blew a kiss at a couple of Goth girls who stalked us down the street and they instantly melted when he turned around to look at them. You know, I'm starting to wonder. Why do I even have fans to **begin **with? I've done nothing that should warrant me having any celebrity status besides being born into some rich "American royalty" family.

But …back to antiquing.

Our first stop was this shop full of hideous rugs and rusting bird cages owned by a morbidly obese, balding woman. She instantly screamed at us to get out of her shop or she was going to call the cops on us. The second time around, we entered the shop of a nice Asian elderly couple. Axel pointed to a really ugly picture of a rooster and said to me rather childishly, "Look, there's a cock." Actually the entire store was full of rooster pieces. Rooster chairs, rooster tables, rooster pictures …rooster canes. It was better than the first shop we went into …but there wasn't much of a variety.

The last store was where we actually bought something. It was a quaint, normal shop that offered various Victorian styled paintings. As I wandered through the shop, I ended up finding a painting that I actually kind of liked. It was a large print of a man on horseback traversing through a serene forest landscape. I don't know why I liked it so much, but Axel saw me staring at it for a long time, so he bought it for me even after I told him I didn't want it. He didn't listen to me, but pushed the bag into my hands, telling me to take my picture and not to worry about it.

It was late by the time we were done, so Axel decided to take me home at that time in case Sora was already home and worrying about where we were. Sora was in fact already there when we returned, so Axel said goodbye to me at the door, and I entered the house alone. Kairi was there, too. Sora happened to be cooking the dinner for the both of them at the moment, and I mentally gagged as I walked by the two of them.

"So what'd you do today?" Sora asked, cheerfully mixing up something in a bowl.

"…I went antiquing." I gritted my teeth, "With Axel."

"Oh ..." Sora began, turning away from me, "How was it?"

"Oh please, like you weren't in on this whole stupid thing to begin with, Sora." I replied, pointing an accusing finger at him.

Sora shook his head grinning, "I honestly wasn't."

"This is a conspiracy."

"Oh, stop being such a drama queen." He wiped his hands off on his apron, "Obviously you bought something."

"It's none of your business."

"Roxxxxx ..."

"Axel bought a stupid picture, okay?"

"Ah, well lemme see!" He eagerly snatched the bag from my hands, pulling the picture out even as I made an attempt to go and grab it. Looking at it with a scrutinizing eye, he handed it back to me and began to run the water in the sink again, "It's nice."

"No, it's stupid."

Sora sighed, "Can anything please you?"

I ignored him and brushed past Kairi without another word. I headed for my room, closed the door behind me and dropped my bag to the floor. I flopped down on my bed and threw my jacket across the room. It landed on my desk chair. Next I kicked off y converse and they fell to the floor with a thud. I was getting tired of all of this to tell you the truth.

_He's incredibly moody these days, isn't he?_

…_He's adjusting, I think._

xXx

"_What are you playing, Sora?"_

_Sora smiled, waving his car around in the air, "Boom boom!" He rammed his car at the group of cars piled in front of him, laughing giddily when they went splaying every which way. One hit me on the back of the head. It didn't take long for me to start crying.  
_

_Xemnas walked over to me, drawing me into his arms and holding me close as he rubbed my head soothingly. "Now now, it's okay." He bounced me up and down in his arms, pacing the room with me, rubbing the back of my head as he walked. He smelled of cinnamon._

"_Xemnas! Xemnas?" Our father came thumping down the hallway in a mad dash, "Sabel's gone into labor and I don't have time to call the children's nanny …do you mind taking care of them until I can get some free time to send someone to pick you guys up and bring you to the hospital?"_

"_Really?"_

_Our baby sister was about to be born._

_My father looked at me, his eyes hard. "Roxas, why are you crying?" _

_I turned around as Xemnas set me down on the floor, and I began wiping the tears from my eyes._

_Sora rushed forward waving his hands, "Daddy, I hit Woxxy asscidents. Wi caws. So no mad, kay?"_

_My father kneeled down, chuckling at Sora and ruffled his hair, "I'm not mad at him, but little boys don't cry if they get hit. Remember that rule?"_

"_Yes." Sora shook his head innocently. He looked at me, blue eyes wide, "Sowwy, Woxas."_

_I sniffed again, wiping the remaining tears from my eyes. I cuddled my bear, X, closer to my chest, nodding at Sora when he extended a hand to me. My father and Xemnas conversed at the door for a few more minutes before my father ran off down the stairs and out to his waiting limo. Xemnas stayed at the opening of the door staring at us intently, me more so than Sora and smiled, "You two play nicely, you hear?"_

"_Yes!" Sora called back._

_His gaze lingered on me for a few moments before he headed down the hallway._

xXx

A day later, we were celebrating Thanksgiving. I woke up that morning and watched the Thanksgiving Parade with Sora. They had introduced a few new floats this year, but everything was pretty much the same. Afterward, Sora began cooking and I went off to my own devices, settling down with a book in the study.

Kairi popped up sometime in the afternoon, followed by Naminé who looked a little stressed and immediately asked Sora for a glass of wine so she could unwind. Cloud arrived after picking up Rikku from my parent's house, since they had left her to her own devices for the entire day. His roommate Leon ...or whatever he was ...was also with him. Axel was the last to drop by, citing the "horrendous traffic" getting up here as his excuse for being so late.

Sora got a huge surprise when his best friend Riku visited later in the evening.

Riku had been in Europe for half summer, and most of autumn doing some special photography project or something for this magazine and he had finally returned to the states just a few days ago. Kairi was …a little less than _thrilled_ to see Riku, though. He always had a habit of taking all of Sora's attention off of her and putting it on him.

The tension was building, that's for sure.

I mean, maybe it was just me, but the relationship Sora and Riku had was a bit **too** close to be just considered best friends. I wouldn't be surprised if Sora ended up with Riku sometime in the near future. Come on, like you didn't think my brother swung both ways? This is **Sora** we're talking about. He's too straight to be gay and definitely too gay to be straight. So he kind of just …fits right in the middle of things.

Rikku spent the entire night just fawning over Axel, asking him question, after question after question. I'm surprised he didn't get tired of her; I would've spent my entire night ignoring her if I were him. And yet, he didn't. He looked like was enjoying it actually. He caught me staring at the both of them, and he stopped briefly, turning to look at me, "What? Are you mad your sister is taking away all my attention?"

God, he was such an idiot.

I rolled my eyes at him, walking away to see if Sora needed any help in the kitchen. He and Riku were currently cooking together with Sora laughing loudly whenever Riku had said something. Sora looked over his shoulder when he heard my footsteps, and Riku looked up at the same time.

"Roxas! How've you been?" He set down his knife, wiping his hands down on a towel. He put a hand on his hips, cocking his head to the side, "You're looking better since I last saw you."

I shrugged, "Okay."

"That's good." He thought for a moment, "Sora's been running his mouth about you all day. He just can't shut up."

"With good reason!" Sora added in, leaning back so he could see me. "...Riku called me up while you were in the hospital when he heard the news."

"It was right before I left, actually."

"Oh …" I folded my hands together, sighing as I tried to fiend interest. A month since I got back and people were still talking about me. I sat down at the table in the kitchen, looking up at the two of them. I smelled ...cinnamon. "What are you making?"

"Baked sweet potatoes." Sora grinned, "Wanna taste it?"

I held my nose, shaking my head, feeling nauseated. It was getting too hot in here. "No ... no. I'm gonna go …check on some stuff."

"Rox, you okay?" Sora asked. The concern was heavy in his voice.

"Um …yeah."

"Listen, would you do me a favor and round everyone up? We're almost done."

"Sure …"

I moved out of the kitchen, walking back into the living room. Everyone was talking or watching TV in the living room. I stuck my head in announcing that dinner would be done shortly. Well, everyone was there except Cloud and Leon who appeared to be missing. I had doubts they would be in my room or Sora's and both of the bathrooms were open as far as I knew. That left one place. I stepped into the hallway, looking down to the study. I was about to put my hand on the knob to turn it when I heard voices floating around inside.

…_I don't care about that. It's more or less the fact of them walking in on us …_

_Now shut up and let me kiss you, dammit._

"What are you doing?" Axel asked, loud voice ricocheting off the walls of the hallway. I made a gesture at him to shut up, nearly tackling him to the floor as he was about to open his mouth again.

_What was that?_

_It sounded like Axel._

_Yeah, but it sounded close._

_He's always loud …_

"Oooo, Roxas. I never knew you liked me so much." Came his muffled whisper.

I removed my hand from his mouth, hissing at him. "For one day in your life, could you NOT talk? Jesus!"

"Is our Lord and Savior!"

"Axel, I'm going to kill you."

"Killing me softly with—" He started to sing, getting extremely dramatic with arm gestures and all.

The door behind us opened and Leon poked his head out, agitation seeping into his voice, "Who the hell is singing?"

"Roxas!"

I took this time to interject between Axel's stupidity, "Don't mind the idiot. Sora told me to round everyone up. Dinner will be ready in a few."

"Right." He looked over his shoulder. Cloud exited the room, brushing past the two of us. He looked at me for a few seconds, before motioning for Leon to follow after him.

When they were out of earshot, Axel leaned down to whisper in my ear, "Do you experience homosexual feelings when you look at Leon?" There was mirth tainted all over his voice.

"Go fall of a cliff." I stomped out of the hallway, Axel following at my heels.

"Awww, come back my little Foxy!"

With everyone rounded up and finally together, we could finally proceed with Thanksgiving dinner. …Which let me add, was positively the most dysfunctional thing ever. I was still annoyed from earlier at Axel's stupidity, and flipped him one when he blew me a kiss over the table once we were all seated.

Kairi was busy trying to take up all of Sora's attention. Riku let her play out her role of calm-turned-psychotic-in-a-minute girlfriend. Naminé had had one drink too many, and looked like she was going to tip over any minute. Cloud was eying Leon the whole entire time during dinner, an expression on his face that was halfway between love sick and stoic. So we ate, everyone making short talk with the other, enjoying their company or whatever it is you do at these things. I kept to myself, not speaking at all. Though Axel made sure to bother me just about for the entire night. God, he was so annoying.

I eyed Rikku who was continually getting more agitated by the minute by the way Kairi was carrying on over Sora. Did I mention my sister and Kairi just don't get along at **all**? Rikku was always critical of girls—or lack thereof—that we've dated. Something about how she wanted her older brothers to end up with the right girl … (or guy). I'm not disclosing anything about my sexuality. Sora swings all over the place and I think Cloud is just …gay. So ...that's one brother she doesn't have to worry about.

Kairi was a sweet girl, really she was. It's just that …like I said before, she's really fanatic about Sora at times and it drives Rikku to the edge all the time. I was sure some drama was bound to go down that night, that's for sure.

"Kairi," She started, folding her arms, eyes sweet, yet full of malice. They were bordering on psychotic, really, "Can I ask you something?"

Here it comes.

Kairi turned to her, an equally fake smile on her face, "Sure, Rikku."

"Are you okay?"

Sora looked between the two, afraid of what was going to happen next.

Kairi cocked her head to the side, eyes growing dark, "Ah," She squeezed Sora's arm in affection, "Whatever do you mean, Rikku?" This wasn't going to stay civil for long.

"You've been moping around in despair like something's wrong. I'm just concerned for your well being. That's all."

"I've just been under the weather lately." She grip on Sora's arm grew tighter. The pain was showing in Sora's face. "Thank you for asking."

"You're welcome." Rikku responded, smiling at Kairi with that same maniacal grin, "Can I ask you something else?"

"Sure, anything."

"Why must you always act like such a little obsessive psycho bitch whenever Riku comes around?"

The table went dead silent. Axel dropped his fork; I held my head knowing I'd be nursing a migraine at any point in time after this night was over. Sora looked like he was about to have a stroke, and Riku was coughing, trying to clear his airway. Leon and Cloud remained unfazed about what was going on at the table.

"_What_?" Kairi snapped, eyes narrowing.

"You heard me. You've been acting like a psychotic bitch ever since Riku's been over here." Rikku folded her arms, voice rising, "It's disgusting."

"_Excuse_ me?" She turned to look at Sora, "Sora, do you hear your sister? Defend me, dammit! Tell her to mind her place."

Sora opened his mouth, spewing out nonsense, "Who wants pie? Yum, yum, pumpkin pie!"

"Mind my place? My mind **is **my place. It sees the way things really are. You're nothing short of a crazy, manipulative, sad little girl." She grinned, "Your every waking moment is spent trailing Sora because you're afraid that he'll find someone better and way **hotter **than you …such as Riku." She withdrew her plate from the table, heading into the kitchen to put it in the sink.

Kairi was held off by Sora, who threw her halfway over his shoulder and hauled her off to his bedroom. Even with the door closed, Kairi was still going crazy, thumping around and screaming in the room.

Returning and feeling accomplished, Rikku flashed everyone her signature grin, "Well guys, it's been lovely. Let's do this again sometime." She dabbed at her mouth daintily with her napkin, standing up to retrieve her jacket from the back of the chair. She turned to Cloud, "Ready to take me home?"

"…You're a little devil, you know that?" Cloud shook his head, pushing back his own chair and getting his keys out of his pocket.

Sora entered the dining room at that point, waving his hands anxiously. "I'm sorry …um …" He paused, looking at Riku, "Riku, I …"

"…It's okay. I'll call you, okay?" He stopped short of Sora, ruffling his hair. "Dinner was great."

He nodded slowly, watching Riku's retreating form as he left the apartment. Rikku left out with Cloud and Leon, waving at us as the door closed and the rest of the company filed out. Naminé followed them, mumbling about how she needed to get ready and sleep off the nerves she was going to have in regards to tomorrow. Sora ran back to his room, hearing Kairi start up again.

Axel turned to me while we sat at the dining room table alone, "Sooooo ...you up for dessert?"

xXx

"_Come on you two; come see your new baby sister." _

_Sora grabbed my hand, pulling me forward as we neared my mother's bed side. Her blond hair was askew all over her forehead, a weary expression on her face. She was tired, and it was definitely showing. Sora instantly made a move to climb into my mother's lap, peering into the face of our baby sister._

"_Tiny." Sora squeaked._

_I was still on the ground looking up at my mother and Sora in the bed. She looked down at me warmly, "Come up here, Roxas." _

_Xemnas made a move to heave me into the bed just as he had done for Sora, giving me a soft pat on the butt to crawl over and settle in on my mother's side._

"_Name?" Sora asked, giddy with excitement._

"_Rikku."_

"_Wikku?" He looked over at her. He leaned down to kiss her on the cheek and Rikku cooed slightly.  
_

_My mother smiled and jiggled our sister in her arms, "She'll be coming home soon. Are you three excited?" _

_My older brother, Cloud, remained in his seat, not answering but finding the ceiling tiles absolutely fascinating. Sora bounced up and down, nodding his head excitedly. I simply took on to looking at Rikku, not saying anything either._

"_Well, you three, we should let your mother rest and have some privacy. Come on, let's go." My father was ushering us out of the room._

"_Whasss pwivary?" _

"_Privacy." My father corrected, Sora. "It's when …_"

xXx

"Are you ready yet?" Sora whined, entering my room. He was wearing a white cashmere sweater with a pair of black slacks. I finished slipping on my black vest and fixing my tie, waving a dismissive hand at Sora. Soro ran in behind him, barking at us and running around in circles.

"What, what is it girl?" She ran off to the door and he sighed, "Axel must be coming."

The door opened moments later and Axel came in, his loud voice wafting in from the front hallway. He announced that there was a limo parked outside waiting for us, just as Sora came rushing back into my room, "Come on, come on! You look fine! Let's go."

He threw my jacket at me, as we rushed out of the door, and headed down stairs. Naminé was waiting downstairs, standing by the limo motioning for us to hurry up. The minute we got in, the limo started off to the Robert Miller Gallery in an instant. When we got out of the limo, reporters were everywhere. All of them were snapping away at whoever arrived at the gallery. Naminé gracefully acknowledged them all as we followed her up the walkway to the gallery.

And to think, just last night she was a worrying, bundle of nerves. We were ushered in first, gaining privy to viewing the art work before the crowd fell in. We left our coats at the front and walked into the main room where there was a large table of refreshments and seats waiting for people.

Within a half hour or so, the hall was packed with an assortment people. Naminé wafted in-between people, greeting them and thanking them for coming. Axel slinked away from me, going over to the refreshment table while I looked at the various pieces of Naminé's collection. She was a pretty well known and respected artist here in the city and had a large underground fan base.

I've known Naminé since grade school and even back then she was always drawing, painting or sketching whatever she could. She started getting her art work showcased in her early teens, and now a few years later, this is the product of it all. I stayed to myself, looking at various pieces of art, before moving on to the next. Kairi arrived at the exhibit late, apologizing quickly to Naminé and instantly went away to drag Sora away so they could look at art together. She didn't look too well to tell you the truth.

I never lingered over any painting for too long. Too many people seemed to just appear out of nowhere and crowd around me when I did. I stood before a painting on a grey canvas, with markings of rustic reds and pale pinks slashed across the background of the canvas. The main object was of a man dressed in complete black from head to toe, lithe and cat like in appearance. The only color on his body was his flaming red hair. His head was bowed down, one arm behind his back, the other extended into the sky, a lone chakram suspended from his hand.

"Do you like it?"

I turned to see Naminé.

"I did it shortly after I went to see you." She paused, "Axel? He reminded me of someone I think I once knew. I just got this feeling when I saw him, you know? Like I knew him from somewhere. Perhaps, in a past life?"

I shrugged, "It's …"

"Be honest."

Before I could respond, a voice cut in from behind us. "Shit, that's …_hot_ …" We both turned around to see Axel standing over us, head to the side. He regarded it with a curious gaze. "Hell, even got my hair." He laughed, feeling his own tresses he had flattened for the night.

After he was done interrupting us, I turned back to Naminé to start talking to her but she seemed distracted by something. Naminé turned around, hand flying to her mouth when she felt someone else approach us from behind, "Oh …you're here."

"Well I'll be damned." I turned around just as Axel did. His eyes grew wide with surprise, "_Larxene_?"

"Axel." She responded, folding her arms, she looked to Naminé, "Sorry, I'm so late."

"It's all right." She looked at Axel then at Larxene, "You know each other?"

"You can say that." Axel responded, not meeting her gaze. Tension. How I could feel the tension.

Naminé cleared her throat as their gazes stayed locked on each other. She held her hands out, opening her mouth, but then shut it. She sighed, looking downward, and then looked back up at the two. She cleared her throat, "Larxene, I want you to see something."

Larxene looked away from Axel, and down at Naminé, "What is it?"

"The piece I …I was doing of you, but never showed you." She cracked a small smile, "I saved it for tonight."

Larxene shrugged, "Lead the way." She looked over her shoulder at Axel and then at me. Naminé tugged at her arm and she turned around, around to follow the shorter girl.

After they were out of ear range, I turned to look at Axel, "Who was she?"

"No one." Axel rubbed his head, groaning. "Of all people to see at all…"

"She certainly doesn't sound like no one."

"Yeah, well, I'm taking lessons from you, aren't I?" He scratched at his cheek, "Jeez, are there any drinks in this place?"

"Lovely, you have to get intoxicated after a meeting a girl. What? Have you just hit puberty?"

Axel didn't respond, but instead took to walking off to the refreshment table to get a glass of what I think was red wine. I sighed, turning back to look at the picture. And I thought I was the crazy one here. Sora swung by a little later with Kairi on his arm. She was looking a tad more relaxed than she had from when she first came in. She waved to me as her and Sora approached me.

Sora was a little tipsy, laughing giddily as he passed in greeting. Kairi soon pulled him off to another direction, pointing at another picture that caught her eye. He waved at me, as my gaze trailed after them. They ran by Axel who was taking long, slow swings from the drink in his hand and mumbling something to himself as he paced back in forth. Naminé was talking to Larxene by another picture, gesturing with her hands ever so often. It wasn't long before Axel ordered another drink from the bartender and started throwing back once again.

Honestly? Larxene certainly didn't seem like no one if she was able to drive him to do something like this.

xXx

"I heard you had quite a busy week."

"What?"

Ansem held up a copy of The New York Post and there were pictures of me and Axel walking around in Greenwich Village. On the same page was a picture of me from Naminé's art exhibition where we had taken the group picture with Naminé at the end of the show. I took the paper away from him, sighed and laid them down on the couch. "I'm glad you got out of the house, but was this on your own accord?"

"Well …Naminé's exhibition was …"

"But the antiquing was definitely not." He laughed, "Axel's idea?"

"Yes, it was his stupid, moronic idea."

"But you went along with it."

"He's abusing his power."

"Ah …" Ansem chuckled. "Continue though, I'd like to hear more about this antiquing."

I gritted my teeth, "He bought me a picture."

"Of?"

"A man in a forest on a horse." I replied bluntly.

"Sounds lovely." Ansem reclined in his seat, "And what of Naminé's art exhibition? How was that?"

"Naminé was really happy with the turn out she got. It was really nice actually …"

"Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

"My brother finally got together with his roommate after dancing circles around him."

"Isn't Sora …dating Kairi?"

"No. No, my older one. Cloud. His roommate, Leon …Squall, whatever his name is. He hasn't given any disclosure on the relationship but I …kind of caught them kissing on Thanksgiving." I shrugged, "Speaking of Thanksgiving, Riku surprised Sora and dropped by unannounced. Kairi was pissed to say the least."

Ansem laughed, "It was a lively Thanksgiving, then?"

"Oh definitely, extremely dramatic …"

"How so?"

"Rikku went bat shit insane and started to argue with Kairi. The whole thing was a home edition of Jerry Springer."

"Oh my …"

"Axel came over too." I rolled my eyes, "My little sister is smitten with him, you know?"

He tapped his finger on his lap, "A fan of his band?"

"...I've been meaning to ask you about that."

He nodded in encouragement. "Ah, please, do go right ahead."

"Axel …is part of a band? Organization XIII is it?" I tapped my foot against the floor, "...If he's part of a band, then how is he my live-in?"

"Ahh …that is something I cannot disclose with you now. But, that question is best left as something you should ask him."

"You know, that's really starting to annoy me lately."

"I have told you before to trust me; he knows what he is doing."

I rolled my eyes, "…Always the secrets."

"I apologize, Roxas, but I can not disclose all the answers to the questions that you ask."

I huffed, shrugging, "Whatever." I looked up at the clock.

"How about we call it a day?" Ansem asked.

"All right."

xXx

Monday morning, I woke up to find Axel passed out on the sofa in the living room. His hair was matted against his face, drool seeping onto the sleeve of his black shirt. He had kicked his boots off, and unclipped the fronts of his black and purple suspenders so that they fell off the side of the couch. What type of moron goes to sleep on their job when they have an emotionally unstable unsupervised teenager in the house alone?

Part of me wanted to teach him a lesson and "disappear" from the house, but the other part of me wanted to just kick him or something. I settled on giving him a wet willy with an ice cold q-tip. Sticking the small object in his ear, I leaned down to whisper, "Wake up."

He groaned in irritation. "Eu não estou dormindo..." He opened his eyes and blinked tiredly, "What? Shit, did I fall asleep?"

"Uh, duh?" I folded my arms.

He took a moment to look around at his surroundings, and then looked up at me, rubbing his head. "Jeez, I'm sorry …" He sat up, yawning widely and stretched. I sat down on the other chair, looking at him as he heaved his shoulders and took the cotton swab out of his ear. "Cute." He rolled his eyes at me.

"Hmph."

He stood up, cracking his bones before settling back down into the chair. He looked up at me, "…What?"

I considered him for a moment. Maybe if I asked him something small, it could eventually build into what I truly wanted to ask him. It was worth a show, "What's your ethnicity?"

"Well that's something new," He rolled his sleeves up, "Mainly Portuguese and Ecuadorian, why?"

Make something up; think …"Because you mumbled something …not in English when I woke you up."

He stood up, "Must have been Portuguese. It was my first language. …I kind of slip into it now and again."

"Oh …"

"What about you?"

"What?"

"What's** your** ethnicity?" He rolled his eyes, sticking his tongue out at me playfully.

"I don't have to tell you." Bad move.

"Are we **really** going to do this again? Where you hole up and become Mr. I hate everyone and don't answer a simple god damn question?" Was he actually getting angry with me? This was a first. "Oh come off it, Roxas. I'm pretty sure I can guess. Your last name sounds European …and I can tell from your eyes and all of your siblings that you've got some type of Asian mixed into you somewhere down the line."

I opened my mouth too say something but promptly closed it. I folded my arms, trying to think. He dug around in his back pocket, removing what I noticed were a pack of Marlboro's. He got out of his seat, turning to me, his green eyes hazy, "You don't care if I smoke, do you?"

"Crack a window." I responded, shifting so he could walk past me.

"I'll take that as a no." He lit up, flicking open a red and black lighter, and promptly dropped the lighter into his pants when he was done with it. He inhaled slowly, the smell of smoke wafted into the living room as he exhaled out the window, "Look. Find something to do today. I'm not in the mood for much of anything right now."

I considered him for a moment, folding my legs onto the couch and shifting my position in the chair. He ran a hand through his hair, inhaling stiffly and murmuring to himself. Choosing to leave it alone, I flipped on the TV to find the typical tabloid news series blaring on the screen.

"This week in entertainment news, there seems to be trouble in paradise folks!" An over exaggerated voice chimed, "Everyone's favorite love birds, Sora Ardenwell and Kairi Moretti may be having an outs. Kairi dropped by Sora's restaurant, Crimson Jazz, earlier on to talk. Kairi left the restaurant a half hour later looking visibly upset, with reddened eyes, as if she had been crying."

Axel peered over his shoulder as the video footage came on.

…_Kairi! Kairi! Is anything wrong? _

_Are you and Sora breaking up?_

_What happened? What happened, Kairi!_

_Excuse me; please get out of the way. _

_Kairi! Kairi! Over here!_

"Sora could not be reached for further comment on the situation. On Thanksgiving last week, Kairi was seen leaving Sora's apartment in the same condition; however, the couple was seen being lively and happy at Naminé Fedorov's art exhibition last Friday evening. Could the love birds finally be calling it quits?"

"Your little sister was right, you know?"

I looked at Axel, "About the two of them?" I asked.

"Yeah." He tapped his cigarette, drawing it into his mouth again.

"I tolerate her because she's my brother's girlfriend. Rikku can't stand her though …she may be young but she's extremely protective of the three of us. She just wants the best for us, I guess." I shrugged.

"You know what'd be hot?"

"I don't want to know."

"I'll tell you anyway." He tapped his cigarette again. "If your brother ended up hooking up with Riku. I can _so _see that happening in the future."

"…Axel, you're disgusting."

"What? You think it's wrong to think another member of the same sex is attractive?"

"I'm not saying that, it's just …" I wrinkled my nose, "This is my brother we're talking about. His love life is something I don't want to contemplate."

"What about your love life?" He asked.

"…Don't even try it."

"And we were just getting to know each other …"

I turned to look at him, "Axel …Shut—"

"Up." He smirked, inhaling his cigarette again and blowing a cloud of smoke into the air.


	4. Chelsea Dagger

**4; chelsea dagger**

_I remembered snow. _

_I pressed my face against the cold glass of a sliding door, fogging it up with my breath. I traced a small circle in the fog, scribbling nonsensical shapes in various designs. The snow fell, pristine and white; untouchable by human hands. Sora appeared at my side shortly, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He grabbed my hand, shaking it up and down, and made odd squeaking noises._

"_I …ask …askded Daddy if we go play in the snow. He saided yes!"_

"_Oh." I looked down at the ground. _

_Mother came in with Rikku whining in her arms, looking positively stressed and bent out of shape. Her blonde hair was drawn up messily into a bun and her silk pajamas were half open in the front. "Sora, Roxas, be a dear and help mommy out with your sister." She laid the fidgeting baby into the basinet by the couch. "Watch her while I go get something, I'll be right back."_

_Sora dragged me over to our sister's side, trying to stand on his tippy toes to peer into the bassinet. She stopped whining when she saw Sora hovering over her. Sora motioned for me to follow his lead, and I peered over on the other side of Rikku's crib. She was reaching up to the sky, whining every so often. Sora giggled, waving his fingers over her. "Hi, Wikku!" _

_I backed off of her bassinet, leaning away as Sora poked his head inside. _

_I bumped into something soft, and instantly jumped, turning around. "My, you're easily startled." I looked up to see Xemnas standing right above me, smiling when he met my gaze._

xXx

A whole month had passed since I had been discharged from the hospital. It hadn't even felt like it. Time had flown by so fast. Ansem told me I was making progress, very slow progress actually. The wall was still up, but I had found my 'comfort' zone for the moment as he had put it.

Axel was still getting on my nerves but I put up with him as best as I could. We'd have our days where we talked to the minimal degree, and then ended up doing whatever for the remainder of the day. But, we also had other days where he would come over, and we didn't do much of anything because I didn't feel like leaving my room or talking at all. Granted, like I said before, I never did much talking to begin with. Seventy five percent of the time he would piss me off with something he said.

However, when we did have civilized conversations for the other twenty five perfect of my time spent with him, I got to know Axel a bit better. I got to learn that he was big on tattoos; nearly every square inch of his upper body was covered in them. After the tattoos came the piercings. Of course, I already knew about the tongue, which was disgusting. He also had his eyebrow pierced and a few on both his ears.

"You know, Roxy. It's totally hot kissing someone with a tongue ring. You should try it sometime."

He even had the audacity to wink at me afterwards. You know, I'm really starting to contemplate suing him for sexual harassment.

Now that December was on the way, and the holidays were coming, Sora would probably want to go out and buy a tree sometime soon. That was always a long and cumbersome event. I hated the cold weather that accompanied the ending of the year. The autumn weather I could deal with, but the freezing temperatures that accompanied the winter months were unbearable and a burden. And I'm supposed to be a winter baby.

Besides my intense dislike for the season of winter, I saw it as a time for rest. However, I knew something was bound to set me off again before things even had a chance to settle.

"What are you doing?"

I peered up over the edges of the leather bound book I was writing in to see Axel standing by my door. I didn't answer him, continuing to write in the book. He cocked his head to the side, considering me for a few minutes.

"Roxas, I'm not talking to the wall. I'm talking to you."

I looked up at him again and then back at the book, "None of your business."

"Alright, fine, fine. You're PMSing today; I'll leave alone until you take your Midol." He left the room, heading back into the living room.

Back when I was in the hospital, Ansem had suggested that I take up writing in a journal. It was supposed to help me sort out feelings and thoughts, or whatever was bothering me. I hadn't really had a need to write in it much while I was in the hospital, but I decided this morning that I'd try to sort some stuff out in it.

It didn't really help any. The book acted more as a scrap book than a journal of sorts. There were a few doodles of a certain red headed stick figure being shot dead in the corner, of the page I was drawing on. The page was otherwise blank besides that. I honestly didn't know where to start with writing anything. Everything that I wanted to say, I was already telling Ansem even if I was holding back a few things. …Okay, I was holding back a _lot _of things, but that's besides the point.

Sighing, I closed the book in my lap and reclined into my bed, staring up at the ceiling. The phone rang shortly afterwards. I slumped down on my bed, pushing the book underneath my pillow. Axel was trying to get Soro to shut up and in the process, answer the phone.

"Hello?" A few minutes later, "…Demyx, why the hell are you calling me? …I said only call me on this number for emergencies! …Running out of hair gel is **not** an emergency! And **no** you can't borrow mine! Demyx, go to the fucking corner store or something; they're bound to have hair gel. …What? …No, I won't pick any up for you! You have money, dammit!" His voice only got louder as he neared my door, "Look! I **have **to go! I'll talk to you later!" He hung up the phone backtracking into the living room, his arms crossed and sighed.

I rolled over to look up at the clock. It was still early in the afternoon so I got out of bed. Walking into the living room, I began to look for Axel. He was nowhere to be found so I checked the kitchen instead. He was busy making himself a sandwich.

"Hungry?" He asked, pausing briefly.

"No." I replied, folding my arms. "I'll be in the living room."

"Right."

I stumbled into the living room and sat down on the couch. Pressing the on button, the flat screen television flickered on to the news, "Oil billionaire, Xemnas Allam was arrested this morning at his estate in Napa, California under numerous charges of drug possession and usage, two accounts of murder in the first degree and—"

I instantly paled, turning the channel quickly to some stupid reality show on VH1. Axel walked back into the room, whistling to himself and sat down in the chair next to me. "What's wrong?" He asked, "You look like you just saw a ghost or something."

"Nothing." I replied, gripping my upper arms and getting up to walk into the kitchen.

"I thought you said you didn't want anything." Axel called at my back side.

I rummaged around in the freezer looking for the box of sea-salt ice cream that Sora had bought a while back. I sighed in relief when I found one and walked back into the living room, sitting down on the couch and began sucking at it.

"What is that?"

"Sea-salt ice cream." I replied, licking my bottom lip quickly.

He lay the sandwich down on the table in front of him. "Is it any good?"

I looked at him briefly and then went back to sucking on the ice cream. I flipped to_ E!_ where the usual headlines were running. They talked about a few upcoming movies and the usual gossip. Sora and Kairi had managed to make the headlines, and there was something about a speculating romance between my brother, Cloud, and Leon. I sighed, finishing off the rest of the ice cream and heading back into the kitchen to throw out the stick. When I returned, another story was on about the number one movie of the week.

"Has it always been like this?"

I looked up at Axel, "Like what?"

"Crazy media attention over anything and everything your family does?"

"Ever since there was anything 'interesting' to write about us." I shrugged.

He reclined, lost in thought, "…You're followed everywhere you go, there's never an ounce of privacy in anything you do." He paused, "You wanna know something? The media's obsession with celebrities and socialites is getting old. I'd rather hear some shit that actually makes a difference in someone's life, you know? Like a cure for cancer or something …"

"…I'm amazed."

"What?"

"You were actually articulate for five seconds of your life."

He rolled his eyes at me, "I guess I'm full of surprises."

xXx

Ansem was running a little late the next time I saw him, so the receptionist had sent me into the office, telling me that he had just called and said he would be in a few minutes. I took a seat on the usual couch, looking around the room as I waited for Ansem to arrive. The door opened a few minutes later, and Ansem rushed in, removing his coat and dropped his bag to the floor, "I apologize for the delay, Roxas. Traffic was horrendous on the FDR."

"When isn't it? It's December."

"Why, yes." He opened up a closet to his left, putting his coat inside and got himself situated as his desk, ruffling through papers and books. He removed a pen from his jacket, scribbling down on a notebook that lay open in front of him, "Alright." He looked to me, "How have you been? Any new developments, complications of anything, concerns?"

"Well …you do realize that it's been a month since I've been discharged?"

"Has it really been that long?"

"I just realized it the other day." I folded my hands again, twiddling my thumbs. I pushed my back against the seat, sitting up and cracking my upper back. I paused, pushing my fingers together, and grew very silent. I looked up at Ansem, and then drew my legs inward. "Ansem, I'm having flash backs…" I fidgeted, grappling at my ankles. I tried to remain as calm as I could without going into a panic attack right then and there.

"…Do tell me, I'm concerned."

"They're nothing really. Just snippets from my early childhood …" I looked up to meet Ansem's gaze, "They …haven't progressed too much of anything, actually."

"Even so, one small thing can tip the balance of a tiny scale." He responded.

"I know …"

"Tell me if they escalate into anything else, alright?"

I nodded, "I will."

"You can call me even if they get to be too much. I'll figure out something." He rubbed his chin, and then searched my gaze for understand, "Do I have your word?"

"Yes, Ansem. Please." I sighed, looking out of the window, resting my head against the cold window pane. There was silence in the room again as I traced shapes along the fogged up glass. "Xemnas was arrested the other day …"

"I saw… were the flashbacks, perhaps, coming back as a result of this?"

I shook my head, "No." I looked to him briefly, going back to tracing on the window in a matter of seconds.

"Oh …" He cleared his throat, "…Well …"

I shook my head, cutting him off before he could say anything, "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Alright." He clasped his hands together. "We have a little bit more time left, but we can end it here if you want."

I nodded, "Yeah."

xXx

"_Make a wish you two!" My mother clasped her hands together, grinning happily as Sora and I stood hunched over the table with our cake resting on top._

_I looked at Sora, and he grinned at me, "On thwee, kay?" He laughed._

_I nodded, grasping his hand as we blew out the candles on the cake. Three for me, three for him, plus two for good luck for the both of us. Everyone around us cheered, and Sora clapped as well, while I looked around us at the many people that were currently surrounding us. My mother came behind us with a knife, a small smile on her face._

_It was February 14th, our birthday. We were turning three today. _

"_Alright, you two. Put your hand over mommy's and we'll cut this right down the middle."_

_We each placed a hand over my mother's, pressing down into the cake and cutting the first slice. Sora was plucked off his chair by our aunt Saoko, and Hiromi followed suit by taking me off of mine. People started to crowd around us, and I found myself swept up in an onslaught of arms and kisses._

_Sora came running by me a few minutes later with cake in his hand and a big grin on his face. "Wox! Go get some cake! It's weally weally good!"_

_I shook my head._

_He tried to push some that was on his fork into my mouth and I turned the other way, so he ended up getting cake all over me and the top of my shirt. "Ooops …sowwy …"_

"…" _I looked down at my clothing and then back up at Sora._

"_Well, look at you." I looked up to see Xemnas standing above the both of us and blinked widely at him. He looked at Sora, "Awww, were you trying to share your cake with your brother? Don't worry; I'll get him cleaned up. "He gathered me up in his arms, wiping a smudge of cake off of my face and tasted it with his finger, "Mmm, chocolate."_

_I flinched, fidgeting in his arms as my mother was coming over. "Oh, Roxas. What happened, sweetie?" _

"_Cake." Xemnas grinned, letting out a low laugh. "Don't worry, Sabel. I'll go get him cleaned up. We can't have a dirty birthday boy, can we?"_

xXx

When I woke up that Friday morning, it was raining outside. The thunder rolled throughout the skies and lightning flashed in its wake. The wind pounded and howled against my windows, causing them to shake and bang around with each strong gust of air. I pushed back my sheets, rolling out of bed.

Completing my morning routine, I entered the living room shortly afterwards, dressed in an olive long sleeved shirt and white draw string pants. Axel was on the phone, waving at me in a hushed tone as he paced the length of the living room, "So we're set to play at the Nokia Theater on February 14th? Yeah, call Cid or something, he's our manager. I don't know. Do I look like God? Yeah, yeah, shut up and go." He hung up his phone, letting out a low whistle of air.

"What was that all about?"

"Oh …just confirming a gig." He waved a hand, "Nothing too big."

I gave him a sideways look.

"It's an exclusive show we're playing for our fan club. Invite only, that sort of thing. You know something to sate the appetite of our more rabid fans." He grinned. "I'm just making sure we're set for it ...you know, you always have to call these things in early ..."

"Wonderful." I replied.

"Damn this weather sucks." He walked over to the window just as another roll of thunder crashed through the sky, "It didn't really start pouring till a little while ago."

I shrugged, sitting down on the sofa. "I don't mind, it."

"Hmmm …let's do something productive today."

"If you make me go out into this rain, I will break your neck." I drawled tiredly, yawning.

"Death threats, charming." He shook his head, "Obviously we're going to do something inside, my dear little Roxy."

"What did I **say** about calling me that?"

"You said, 'Oooh, baby. I love it when you call me that. Say it again_, Axel_.'" He put on his best mock, porno-sounding voice and struck a rather gay pose.

"I'm going back to sleep." I made a move to sit up on the chair, folding my arms.

"No, you're staying up." He looked around him, and then pounded his fist into an open palm, "You got any video games?"

"…No." I replied, obviously lying.

"What's up with you today? You're deader than usual."

"Tired."

"Go to bed earlier, now sit up." He made a move to pull at my arm to which I swatted him away again. Huffing, he disappeared into the hallway, down into Sora's room. He came back with the Nintendo Wii, and an assortment of wires and cables falling out of his arms. He tossed the games on the couch, "Find one to play." He began hooking up the device to the television and turned the console on, handing me one of the remotes. I handed him Mario Party 8 in return and he grinned at me, "Mario Party, eh? You picked the wrong game, Roxy."

Axel should have never been so quick to underestimate me because I wiped him into the floor with every game that we played. We were on our third game when Soro ran over to the door, barking loudly.

The door opened slightly, and Sora's laughter filtered in through the crack in the door. "Lift from the knees, this thing is going to be heavy… and watch the wreath on the door, Riku." Riku appeared, his rear end leading him into the house as the door bumped against his side as he tried to nudge it open with his foot. He was lifting something heavy in his arms.

A tree.

Axel paused the game, standing up to hold the door open as the two staggered inside the house with the pine tree. Sora let out a loud sigh as they dropped the tree short of the door and so that it was sticking into the living room. "Hey, guys! What are you doing?" Sora grinned, after locking the door.

"Kicking Axel's ass at Mario Party." I replied, not taking my eyes off of the screen.

Axel rounded around Sora and the tree, sitting down next to me again. "No he's …YOU LITTLE CHEAT, WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET ANOTHER STAR?"

"Just now." I replied calmly.

Sora laughed, "Well! We got the tree!" He gestured at the large tree right in front of him.

Riku smiled, taking off his jacket, "I think they can see, Sora." He disappeared into the hallway to go to the bathroom.

"Oh …well …shush, Riku." He grinned back, hands on his hips.

"You got a tree in the rain?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"It's not raining anymore!" Sora waved a hand dismissively "If you guys aren't too busy, I kind of want to get this thing set up right now. Rox, you remember where the stuff is, don't you?"

I shrugged, turning back to the game. Axel had lost at yet another mini game and I was currently in the lead with coins and stars. The game finally ended, and the final tally came up on screen. I had won yet another game, and was growing bored with Mario Party. I stood up, setting the Wii remote down on the table.

"…I can't believe you beat me in yet another game."

"Tough." I replied, looking to Sora.

Axel sighed, "Well …looks like I better get going." He turned to me grinning, "We had a good day, didn't we Roxy?"

I ignored him, folding my arms and walking in the opposite direction to where we kept the ornaments at.

Sora saw Axel out, thanking him again as always and closed the door letting out a low sigh. "Hey, Roxas?"

"What?" I pulled a ladder up to the closet, fidgeting around with boxes, shuffling and removing some as I tried to find the ornaments.

"We're going skating at Wollman's this Sunday. I know you haven't been in forever, but it might be fun, you know?"

"Axel has to approve of it first." I replied, "You can't go dragging me out of the house on my own free will. Remember, they keep crazy people like me locked up. Even if it **is** in my own house."

Sora made a sucking noise with his teeth, and put his hands on his hips, "How many times do I have to tell you, you're** not **crazy!"

"That's what everyone **wants** me to think." I replied, pulling the box down, and stepping down the ladder.

"Rox, I'm not having this conversation with you right now." He rubbed his head, "I'll call Axel and ask him myself, how's that?"

I looked at him, shrugged and continued on with pushing the box of ornaments down. Riku came back and looked between the two of us. From my stoic expression to Sora's little pout, he probably knew we had had a fight or something. He sighed shaking his head, pulling on Sora's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Sora responded, turning to look at me again.

I returned the look, raising an eyebrow slightly before disappearing behind the tree and pushed the ornament box under there for them. "I don't feel like hanging anything up, you two can do it." I stood up, "I'll be in my room." I left the two in the living room, heading off to my room.

_Does he seem like he's getting better, Riku?_

_He just needs time to adjust …_

_Yeah …but I worry sometimes._

xXx

Axel said yes.

Actually it was more of a, "Skating? Why that's a **great **idea! Roxas needs to get outside and interact with more people! Build his people skills. See the world!" And an assortment of other garbage that Axel loved to spew.

However, Kairi was always there to fit herself somewhere into the plans as usual. She and Sora had been spending an extremely long (for them anyway) amount of time away from each other and she wanted to see him seeing as she just so happened to be free that weekend. So, he told her to meet him at the house a little later on that night. But before that, he was going to hang around with Riku for a little while. He still hadn't gotten his Riku fix for the entire time Riku had been back …which was bordering on about three weeks now.

Oh well.

When we arrived, the rink wasn't as crowded as it usually was during the day so that was a relief. However, I still really wanted to kill Sora for convincing Axel to take me out here. Even though it **was **technically his day off, like I said before, I couldn't go anywhere outside unless Axel was with me. God, I was starting to feel like one of those mentally delayed kids that I went to grammar school with. You know the ones that always had to have those attendants with them?

Axel was behind me on my every move that entire night. Even when I wanted to take a break and get off the ice, he was there sitting by my side or something. After some time, I got tired of skating so I took to sitting down on a bench and watching Riku and Sora skate around together on the ice.

"They're cute together, aren't they?" Axel whispered to me.

I looked at him, frowning, "What—"

"Ever." He laughed loudly, throwing his head back.

I stole a look at him and he was grinning back at me. We stayed locked in that gaze for some time until Sora and Riku neared us, Sora laughing and giggling the whole way while Riku grinned softly. "Roxasss! Having fun?"

"…Sure." I looked up at the sky, finding the trees interesting for some reason.

"Listen, I have to start heading home because Kairi's supposed to be showing up soon …Axel; you can bring him home, can't you?"

"Sure thing." He grinned, placing a lone hand on my shoulder. He looked down to my level, "Wanna skate some more, Roxy?"

"…If you call me that …**one **more time." I started, shrugging his hand off my shoulder rather roughly. I spun around on my feet to stare at him.

"My my, aren't we hostile tonight?" He grinned, laughing loudly. "Come on, let's return these skates and get you cooled off. Let's go for a walk, hm?"

We all headed out of the rink area and returned out skates. Riku and Sora got into a cab heading uptown to our apartment. Axel however said we had a different agenda and were going to go for a little walk. I really wanted to kill that god damn retard for having me out here so late at night. It was fucking **freezing **and I thought I was going to die of hypothermia with the way that I was shivering out here.

He was currently carrying on in the cold, singing some stupid Christmas song as we passed by shops. "Come on, Roxas! Get into the spirit! I haven't seen you crack a smile besides that sadistic little smirk of yours." He twirled around rather gaily on the street, drawing his arms inward, "Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!"

I stared at him, not saying anything. I buried myself into my jacket and sighing at how stupid Axel was.

A homeless man on the street corner shoved his change cup at me, jingling it around. I walked right past him, knowing very well that he was probably going to use it on the wrong thing and not food. Axel however, fell back behind me, disappearing from my sight. His footsteps thumped up alongside me a little while later, calling my name.

"Roxyyy! Wait up!" Axel yelled, running up behind me.

I looked up to him, "Where's your scarf?"

"The wind blew it away?" He tried, shrugging his hands into the air. He held his arms behind his head, jutting his hips out as we walked along.

"What?"

"Nothing."

He changed up his pace, "Hmmm …you wanna get some Starbucks? It'll warm you right up!"

"No. I want you to take me home." I grumbled.

"Are you feeling sick?"

"No."

"Bleeding externally?"

"No."

"About to pass out?"

"No, dammit!"

"Then you're fine to stay outside. Besides, walking is good for you. Come on, Roxy! Work them buns! Stretch those thighs."

"…I'm also fine enough to ditch you right here and head back to my apartment by myself." I was about to make an about face with Axel ran right in front of me, shaking a finger at me. He immediately turned me around and started to push me forward down the avenue again. I honestly would have punched him right then and there, but I was too cold at that point to fight back fully. So I just shrugged him off of me and proceeded to follow him down the rest of the street.

Axel grinned triumphantly, swinging his hips to and fro as we neared Starbucks. He turned around, holding the door open for me, "After you, Madame."

I brushed past him, not even glancing his way, and let out a sigh as I stepped into the Starbucks. A few people looked up when they saw Axel enter, and we were met with the customary whispering and giggling. A group of girls in the corner of the store were already whipping out cell phones and taking pictures.

Axel pushed me forward onto a rather long line with people grumbling and complaining about being held up. Axel peered above me, trying to see what the holdup was. All I could make out was that whoever was holding the line up had blonde hair that was spiked up in the middle, but gelled down on the sides.

"I want some one of your Peppermint Mocha's." He mused, "…Yeah, that seems pretty good. Get me a grande cup."

"Sir, you've already had three cups."

"No, I haven't!"

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't."

Who was this idiot?

"Moron, stop holding up the line. Other people want to order." Axel snapped, causing the man standing up front to turn around and look at us. I ducked behind a fat man in front of me, hiding as Axel confronted him. Thank God for being vertically challenged.

"Who the …_Axel_! What are you doing here?" The man holding up the line got off; completely ignoring the exasperated look the woman at the cash register gave him. I should have known Axel knew him, Axel's an idiot magnet. I rolled my eyes as Mr. Mullet Moron stared at me, hands on his hips. He grinned, "And who's this little dude?"

"Rather, who's this idiot?" I drawled narrowing my eyes.

"Short, feisty, and blond haired with the body of a hot prepubescent girl…you must be Roxas!" He looked to Axel, and then looked at me, snapping his fingers as if he remembered something. "He's even cuter in person."

"Hey, Demy. Stop harassing him. That's my job." Axel laughed. He looked at me, and rubbed the back of his head, "Besides, he's cuter when you get him angry."

I was not hearing this.

The line moved forward and the moron had been introduced to me as Demyx, one of Axel's best friends and the drummer of his band. I didn't think that anyone had Axel beat at being a big giant moron. But, I guess Demyx won that crown, because he was pretty damn stupid in my book. Just hearing him talk made my brain want to die.

"Shit man, I'm still nursing wounds from when that fat chick nearly ran me over last night." He held up his elbows, "Do you **SEE** these."

"Demyx, I can't see anything. You're wearing a long sleeved shirt."

"…Yeah, well …" He let his arms drop to his sides as the line was beginning to move forward, "They hurt."

"Like my brain …" I mumbled lowly, rolling my eyes.

"Did you say something, Roxy?" Axel asked, eyes shining.

"No, just plotting your death."

"Ooo …he **is **feisty."

"He's just a little cranky because he hasn't had his nappy yet." Axel whispered, as Demyx let out a loud laugh.

Someone save me from these morons.

"Hello, may I please take your order?"

"Black coffee, please." I responded. The woman smiled warmly at me as I handed her the money for the drink and stepped off to the side when she handed the steaming cup of coffee over to me.

"I knew it! I knew you'd order it!" Axel pointed a finger at me accusingly, jabbing happily. He turned around, waving a hand at Demyx, "Pay up, bitch."

"Dammit, I thought he'd get the espresso. I don't have any more money on me right now! Ask, Zexion." Demyx whined.

"I'm adding that to your tab."

"Shit …"

Axel moved forward next, putting in his order, "Hmm, what should I get?"

"Dude, you should totally get the Peppermint Mocha. It's like …hot gay sex in the mouth."

"For serious?"

"For serious, man. God, it's sooooo good."

"Yeah …with some nutmeg …and some chocolate…"

"Dude, you'd be totally messing it up."

"No, I wouldn't be. Shut up." Axel tapped his chin and then pointed at the lady behind the register. "I think I'll just have …Pumpkin Spice Crème. Yeah, that's what I want."

"And I want a Peppermint Mocha!" Demyx chimed in behind him.

The woman sighed, putting in the two orders and handed the cups over to Moron #1 and Moron #2. I sipped at my coffee cautiously to make sure it wasn't still piping hot. Axel was busy putting nutmeg into his drink and Demyx was still chattering off at his side.

"Dude, put more in." Demyx whacked the dispenser in Axel's hand.

Axel groaned when the nutmeg dispenser nearly fell into his whole cup and cursed loudly as he caught it before the thing spilled out. "Dammit, DEMYX GO SIT DOWN! AND TAKE ROXAS WITH YOU!"

Demyx tried to link his arm around mine, but I pulled away from him before he could do so. He shrugged, and I followed him to a table where a quiet, dark haired man was sitting reading his book. He had an empty cup in front of him and didn't even look up as we approached the table. …Perhaps Axel **did** know someone that had brains, after all.

"I told you I'd get another one!" Demyx shook the cup at the dark haired man, laughing out loud.

"Yes, because Axel probably paid for you, Demyx, seeing as you squandered all the cash you brought out with you." He looked back down at his book, closing it, and pushing it onto the table. He took off his glasses, resting them on top of his book. He looked to me, an inquisitive glint in his eyes, "…Well, you're certainly a new face."

"And you're certainly the only person here with brains." I responded, "Roxas."

"Zexion." He responded, nodding his head. "I'm a friend of Axel."

"And he's Axel's little sexy love slave." Demyx called himself whispering, but he was so loud, people were turning around to stare at our table.

"Ah …" The dark haired man shook his head, looking at me intently. "I see."

"Demyx, God, I'm going to kill you." Axel growled as he sat down heavily in his chair, "You nearly got that whole god damn nutmeg canister in my drink!"

"…Er, well, sorry?"

"Idiot." He rolled his eyes, mixing his drink and taking a sip of it. "Zex! I didn't know you were here too."

"Why, yes. Demyx dragged me out …" He shrugged, "It's been an interesting night to say the least. Why, with you two scaring the general public. I'm surprised no one has walked out yet."

"They'd be player hatin' otherwise." Axel replied, grinning.

"Yeah, totally." Demyx agreed.

"Perhaps." Zexion turned back to his book, taking it up again. He pressed his glasses delicately against the bridge of his nose and began to flip through pages again.

Demyx turned to Axel, voice full of mirth, "So, how was skating?"

"Well, Roxy over here was ogling hot guys. It—" Axel started but I had cut him off short.

"That's** it****!**" I slammed the coffee cup down on the table, "I've _had_ it with you." I pushed my chair back, pulling my coat and scarf on and started out towards the door.

"Oooo, I think you upset him." Demyx whispered.

"Waittttt, Roxas, sit back down!" Axel waved his hand, trying to pull me down. He leaned back in his chair to try and grab my arm but I shrugged him off, stomping my way through the doors of Starbucks and walked out onto the cold street. I flagged a cab down, just as Axel was running out of the Starbucks, cup in hand. "ROXAS! WOULD YOU WAIT?" He stumbled into the cab, closing the door behind him and tried to avoid the drink from falling into his lap as the cabbie turned around and rushed off toward 80th street.

xXx

When I finally got home, Riku was there to greet me at the door. Sora was pacing the living room, his fists in his spiky brown hair, pacing back and forth. Axel, though looking a tad bit pissed, said goodbye to me as he left for the elevator. Sora barely acknowledged me as I slipped into the house.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Kairi caught us kissing." Riku whispered walking over to where I was standing. I looked at him incredulously, and he shook his head and pointed toward Sora.

Sora groaned loudly, as he continued to pace the length of the living room. "He's been like this for the past hour." He continued in the same low voice. He walked back into the living room where Sora was pacing.

"She's not picking up her phone. She didn't listen. She just ran out of here like …like a mad …mad thing. And I'm the one that's pacing like a crazy person. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my …Riku! She saw us **kissing**!" He made another strange sound and sat down on the sofa, "AAH! Roxas, when did you get in?"

"Now." I replied, shrugging.

"So you …heard what I just said?"

"You kissed Riku." I replied, still keeping the same tone of voice.

Sora sucked at his lip, "Shut up! Agggh …" He went back to pacing again, "I mean …Riku, it wasn't like …a …a …a kiss kiss, was it?"

"There was some tongue." Riku replied, looking away from both of us.

"…Riku, shush!" Sora swatted a hand at the silver haired boy, "This situation is already bad enough!"

"I'm going to bed." I replied, ignoring my babbling brother and headed down the hallway to my room.

"Wait! Where'd you go after we returned home?" Sora called, rounding the corner and stopped me.

I stopped, pausing short of the living room opening and shrugged, "Starbucks. I met a couple of the morons Axel hangs around. Except, one was surprisingly articulate. It was refreshing from the usual stupidity I'm accustomed too."

"Oh …"

Just then, Sora's cell phone went off and he quickly flicked it open. "…Rikku? OH MY GOD, WHAT?" Sora stole a look at me, quickly covering the receiver and paced the length of the living room. He held the phone away from his ear as our little sister screamed into the phone in her naturally high pitched voice. "What the hell do you _mean _Kairi told— … SHE'S DOING AN INTERVIEW WITH **WHO**?"

"Oh …dear …"

I sighed, letting Sora tend to his current crisis of the moment. I kicked off my boots, pushed off my pants and pulled on a pair of knee length grey shorts to sleep in. I rolled into bed, pulled the sheets up over my body and allowed sleep to claim me amidst Sora's yelling, Riku trying to calm him down and the steady noisy traffic of a New York City night.

xXx

_I woke up to a warm hand touching me._

_It moved along my face, brushing gently over my cheeks and skimmed along my neck. Sliding down my chest, it moved and gripped at certain parts of my abdomen, swiveling slowly around my navel. I recoiled from the touch when it lowered to rest on my upper thigh, rolling around to touch my rear end and sliding down between my legs. Someone was in my bed with me and it wasn't my mother or father. _

"_Shhhh …it's okay. It's okay …I'm not going to hurt you." I craned my neck around to look up at the person that was in my bed; illuminated by the soft moonlight. _

_It was Xemnas._

_He bore me his casual grin, amber eyes lit up and soft. "Don't make a sound, okay?" He moved closer to my ear, "We don't want anyone to spoil our fun." I lay complete still as he continued to touch me. I didn't think it was wrong …I didn't know it was wrong. _

_I just knew I didn't like it and I wanted him to stop it already._


	5. Look Out Sunshine

**5; look out sunshine**

_I stood at the top of the banister, pressing my face between the poles as I watching my father pull his jacket on in an attempt to get ready. He fixed his shirt tie, his shirt cuffs and cleared his throat. _"_Thanks for coming again, Xemnas. We're sorry it was on such short notice but Sabel insisted that we go visit my mother now before the sickness gets any worse. I hope it is of no bother." He leaned down to fix the carriage that contained my little sister._

"_Nonsense, I don't mind at all."_

_I was distracted by the echo of my mother's high heeled shoes as they grew closer with each step she took. I looked up at her, eyes wide, clutching my bear to my side. She bent down next to me, her eyes soft, "Roxas, honey, what are you doing out of bed?" My father and Xemnas looked up to wear the two of us were standing at the banister. I stood up, as my mother leaned up, standing at her full height again. She drew me up in her arms, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead, "Did you want to come see us off, sweetie?"_

"_I think we woke him up." Xemnas interjected, eyes focused on the two of us as she descended the stairs that led into main hall. I buried against the crook of her neck, clenching her shirt tightly as she neared my father and Xemnas._

_She looked to my father, "Is Rikku ready?"_

"_She's already asleep."_

"_Good, I want us to have a quiet trip on our way up there." She looked to me, "Mommy has to go now, baby. Come on, let go now."_

_Reluctantly, I was handed over to Xemnas who jostled me a bit. "Come Roxas; let's get you back into bed. Say goodbye to mommy and daddy now."_

"_Be good sweetie." My mother kissed me again as my father drove Rikku's carriage out of the door and into the hallway, "I'll see you in a few days."_

_Xemnas closed the door, smiling at me as I fiddled with the bear in my arms. I looked up at him, meeting his amber eyes. He laughed again, "Roxas, why the long face?"_

"…" _I shook my head, drawing my bear up to my face in an attempt to hide myself from him. _

"_Ah, are we playing hide and seek?"_

_He turned on his heel heading up the stairs to the second floor of the house, passing by a few rooms to the end of the hallway where Sora and I shared a bedroom. He paused outside the door for a few minutes, turning to look at me. _"_We're going to have fun …aren't we, Roxas?" He gripped me a bit tightly, a smile appearing on his face again, "I think we are." He grew closer to my ear, kissing my cheek gently, "We're going to have a lot of fun."_

xXx

When I opened my eyes, Axel was sitting in a chair in my room staring at me with wide, green eyes. His hands were drawn up to his chin, and his head was slightly tilted to the side. For once, he didn't have a grin or a smirk on his face but he was just staring at me with eyes void of any readable emotion.

I took a moment to register I was in my bed with the sheets strewn across my body in a haphazard manner. I sat up quickly in bed and looked out of the window. It was still light out. I quickly looked too the clock and saw that it was well into the afternoon, going on almost twelve o'clock. I turned my attention back to Axel again who regarded me with the same face he'd had on since I'd woken up. I narrowed my eyes, bending my elbows as I leaned back against my pillow.

Axel ran a hand through his hair, "Good morning sunshine, bout time you woke up."

"…Why the fuck are you in my room?"

"Well aren't we feeling perky this morning?" He rolled his eyes, "I was checking up on you since you were taking forever to wake up."

I pushed back the covers leaning forward, "Your concern is barely noted, now get the fuck out of my room."

He stood up out of the chair he had dragged by my bed, holding up his hands in a manner that he had meant no harm. "Jeez, all right. So you're moody again today. I get the point. But, you couldn't have at least managed a ...'Hi Axel!' or a 'Thanks for the concern!'. But, noooo—"

"I said get out!" I yelled, reaching for a pillow behind me, raising it above my head. I'd have to thank Sora later for the ridiculous amount of pillows he had bought for me while I was still in the hospital.

Axel put his hands on his hips, sighing, "You're seriously not really going to attack me with a pillow are you?"

I threw a pillow at his head and he ducked to the side, "Shut up and get out!"

"Hey, chill—" He backed up again, reaching the door as I raised another pillow above my head.

"GET **_OUT_**!" I got out of my bed, stumbling as I tried gain my ground. I threw the pillow again and he ducked so that it flopped onto the floor outside of my door. Axel slammed the door to my room just as I went to reach for another pillow. I paused, my shoulders heaving.

"Sheesh, forget to change your tampon, Rox?" He yelled at me from outside my door.

"Go _fuck_ yourself!"

"_Gladly_! Wanna watch?"

I let the pillow drop from my hand, running a frustrated hand through my tousled hair and let out a loud yell.

"Stop screaming, you'll scare the neighbors!"

Those are what you call dysfunctional days like I've mentioned before. I couldn't put the blame on Axel for my bad mood …no matter how he could annoy me at times. I really had no excuse for biting his head off like I did. I decided to take a shower to try and calm my nerves. There was no sense in me being so angry without a cause. I spent the rest of the day in bed, not doing much of anything and lazing about, slipping into slumber every now and then.

Soro came into my room sometime during the day, cuddling up at my side and tried to lick my face. Axel appeared in my doorway later that afternoon, poised at the arch of the door. I could hear the floor creak underneath this weight as he tapped his foot on the floor. I didn't acknowledge him as he stood near the door, but instead focused on the wall, shutting my eyes as I tried to will myself back to sleep.

He was seriously trying my patience today.

"Roxas?" His voice was questionable and calm, "Oh, Roxy."

I ignored him, as I turned to bury deeper in the sheets. Soro made a whining noise as she moved closer to snuggle against my back side. His footsteps got closer to my bed, and I could feel his presence at my side again.

"Roxy? Are you awake?"

No, dumb fuck. What do you think?

"The wild sleeping Roxas is an elusive and interesting creature. He spends his day being angry at the wild Axel who's… super hot and sexy …the hottest and sexiest thing that ever did grace God's green Earth." The bed dipped inwardly as he pressed down on its side. The sheets moved around a bit. Soro moved away from me, making a wounded sound. "Damn dog!"

I took the moment to sit up, looking straight at the retard, my eyes narrowed. "…What the **fuck** are you doing on my bed?"

He was currently on his knees, prostrated at full height with his arms hanging idly at his sides. He grinned, pointing at me. "The wild Roxas awakens! He has sensed the wild Axel's presence and …the wild Roxas grows even angrier by the minute! …Come on Roxas …play along. You'll have fun."

"Oh, the wild Roxas will play along alright." I removed my legs from the sheets, swiveled around and kicked him as hard as I could in the stomach, sending him flying off of my bed. His head connected with the dresser behind him, and he doubled over shrieking in pain.

"Shit! I didn't mean like that!" Axel groaned from the space between my bed and dresser, massaging the spot where he had hit himself. "Jesus, you kick like a little bitch." He looked at his hand, "I'm surprised I'm not bleeding."

"Maybe next time you'll think before interrupting a crazy person's slumber." I eased back into my bundle of sheets, slumping over again. Soro came running back into my room, jumping back onto the bed, snuggling up by my feet this time.

"You know Roxas …maybe if you stopped being such an ass and actually let loose and had fun for awhile you wouldn't be such a sullen and depressed person all the time. You always hide under this guise of being "crazy" when there's actually a functional person hiding underneath it all. It's really taxing on everyone around you, not just me ...got it memorized?"

"Just what are you two **doing** in here?" I looked up to see Sora standing by my door. I hadn't even heard the front door open up. He had a black scarf drawn around his neck, and he was currently taking off his gloves and stuffing them into his jacket. He ran a hand through his hair, shrugging his shoulders.

"Roxas, are you fighting with Axel again?"

Axel looked at me and then shook his head, "It's nothing Sora." He walked past Sora and out into the hallway. Sora looked at me momentarily but I never met his gaze. He disappeared shortly after Axel.

xXx

"Good morning." Ansem was already seated at his desk when I came into his office that morning.

I sat down on the couch as usual, removing my jacket and stiffening up against the wall behind me. I folded my hands in my lap, a thousand thoughts swirling around in my mind. I looked up at Ansem who was staring back at me, his usual soft expression upon his face. I fiddled with my hands, not knowing what to say or what to do to start this session.

"Roxas?" I looked up at him, eyes focused on his.

I started to fiddle with the edge of my hoodie, not paying too much attention to Ansem. I let it drop out of my hands after he said nothing more. I looked around the room, my eyes resting on a picture of some fruit in a dish. Fruit in a dish, in a dish …a dish …

"Roxas?"

I looked at him, "Yes?"

"Are you alright?" He lowered his glasses onto the bridge of his nose, "You have had a rather …peculiar look upon your face for the past few minutes."

"I have?"

"Indeed you have." He leaned back in his chair, folding his hands. "Is something bothering you?"

"No."

"Mm hm …" He wrote something down on the pad in front of him.

The pen was scribbling way too loudly against that paper. Scratching …scratching against the thin white paper and …it felt like I was listening to someone press their long nails against a clean blackboard to make that abominable screeching sound. I watched as he continued to write, his hand flowing across the page, never lifting up or pausing in his motion.

"Stop writing." I snapped suddenly.

He looked up at me and we stayed locked in an unwavering gaze for some time. He looked down at his paper and then back at me, drawing the pad into folded arms as he crossed his legs and reclined in his chair.

"…I've seen you like this before, Roxas." He started. "I believe it was when you first came to me in your younger years."

"What are you trying to tell me?" I snapped, "That I'm regressing or something?"

"I cannot tell for sure. Axel's report of your current week together doesn't really send up a red flag just yet." He looked down at some papers, flipping through them.

"What are you talking about?"

"Just what I've said, Roxas."

"Ansem."

"I can say nothing else." He shook his head, "Perhaps these questions would be suited for another time …for Axel?"

"…You know, I think I'd like to end this session short. I don't feel very much like talking today."

"That is fine."

xXx

By Monday morning Axel was right back to his joking self again. He was acting as if what happened on Friday afternoon had never occurred and was back to his usual retarded jibes and other assortment of moronic behavior.

I found him in the living room with his glasses on and a cup of what I presumed was coffee in his hand. His hair was tied away from his face. There was a black and white newsboy hat pulled tightly over his head, pushing hair down in front of his face that was not held back by his ponytail. His feet were propped up against the coffee table and he was completely unaware of me coming into the living. He was mumbling something lowly to himself, before looking up at me. "Morning!"

"Were you talking to yourself?"

He stuck his tongue out, swiveling his piercing around. "You caught me red handed." He laughed, "No, just reading back what I wrote." He dropped his feet to the ground. Does Axel get dressed in the dark or does he realize he's wearing two completely different socks? He saw the look I was giving him and he elaborated a bit further, "Lyrics."

"Lyrics?"

"You know ...song lyrics?"

"Obviously." I replied, rolling my eyes, "What for?"

"New material …" He replied, leaning back, shuffling the papers and scratching at his head underneath the hat. "I'm on a hiatus, you know?" He bit his pen, rolling it around in his mouth, then looked skyward, "I just …I get fidgety a lot so I have to write stuff down on paper when I get the inspiration."

I sat down on the couch next to him. "What's the song called?"

He passed me the paper, "_Slow Lust: The Story of the Fastest Girl in Town_. The title needs shortening though. It's a rough draft …and well, the lyrics are kind of bad. Tell me the truth, how is it?"

"There's a lot of profanity in this …"

"They don't label our albums with a parental advisory warning for nothing." He stood up off the couch, rummaging around in his pockets for what I presumed to be a cigarette seeing as he was hopping up onto the window ledge to push open the window. He flicked the lighter open, lighting up and exhaling. "I take it you've never heard any of our stuff?"

"No, my sister was the one who was obsessed with you."

"Hm ..." He tapped his feet together, "I see you're in a better mood."

I looked up at him. "What?"

"You're talking." He gestured with his cigarette clad hand.

"And?" I replied, irritation slipping into my voice.

"Woah, woah, no hostility. I'm not knocking it or whatever …just …" He exhaled, "Never mind."

I looked back down at the paper, reading it over. From what I could draw the story was about some promiscuous girl who ran around her town exposing herself to every single guy that she could and her father didn't like it. …It was typically something I would have expected of Axel.

"What do you think?" He leaned forward, "Honestly?"

"It sucks." I told him, monotonously.

He grinned, "Ouch, my heart. It stings."

I tossed the paper to the coffee table glaring daggers at him. He merely laughed, exhaling smoke through his nose in the process. He inhaled the cigarette again, looking out of the window and into ongoing traffic. Turning away from him, I turned around to the television, turning it off of mute so that the sound was blaring through the living room.

…_Sora hasn't been seen at his restaurants in days; some speculate that he and Riku fled off to somewhere more private to avoid the press…_

"Ahhh, the media. Always there to snoop into people's business." I turned around to look at Axel. He had the cigarette poised above his head, feet locked together and his eyes cast upwards.

"They're still reporting about us?"

I looked over my shoulder to see Sora standing at the entrance to the living room. He had on a light blue terry cloth robe along with a pair of white fluffy slippers. He looked tired and drawn, his eyes having grown dark and his posture was hunched. He was missing that usual spark he always had. He yawned tiredly, "Axel, you still have any coffee left?"

"Yeah, it's in the brewer."

"Good."

He was about to turn around and head into the kitchen when I turned around to look at him. "What are you still doing here?"

"I didn't feel like getting up this morning. Too many cameras bombarding me everywhere I go." He shrugged, "Riku's coming over to pick me up in a few." He didn't wait for an answer, disappearing into the kitchen to fix himself something to drink. He came out a few minutes later, heading back into his room and closing the door behind him.

I turned back to Axel who was putting away his cigarette, and hopped off the window sill. He dropped down on the couch, arms folded. "So, I have an exercise for you today."

I looked at him not saying anything. He dug around in his bag and removed a few sheets of paper and a large box of what I realized was crayons. I stared at him, then at the paper and instantly felt myself frown. "What the hell is this?"

"My own special creative drawing therapy!" Axel waved the crayons at me, a grin on his face.

I glared at Axel. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Not at all my little sunshine!" He pressed the box to the table and grinned, "Oh, come on. It'll be fun! All you have to do is draw what comes to mind."

"Do I look like I'm four?"

"Mmmm …should I answer that question?"

"…I'm not doing it."

"Ah, ah …it's Axel **therapy**. If I say you have to do, you **have** to do it."

"I hate you."

"I know." He smiled, reaching over for the paper he had been writing on early, "Now, do your drawings. I want some pretty pictures we can hang up around the house!"

Oh I'll show him pretty alright.

The floor creaked behind us and Sora was coming down the hallway with the phone pressed to his ear, gesturing wildly with his other hand. "No Dad. No, that's not what happened at all. Look, no, Kairi and I aren't still together …no …Dad, can you listen?"

Axel sucked in his breath, looking at me. I shook my head, pulling my legs up to my chest.

"…Ardenwell! It's always because my last name is Ardenwell! Yes, it's because of my last name that I have to act like a robot for you, isn't it? It's because of that last name that you have to always push us away! …Ungrateful? Yes, I'm always so ungrateful! …I …I can't talk to you like this! No! I'm not coming up to the house! Not until you learn how to speak to someone like your equal!" Sora clicked the button to end the call on his phone, heaving an irritated sigh. He looked at me and Axel who were sitting on the couch and his expression softened, "Sorry …you had to hear that."

Axel waved a hand, "Don't worry about it." He began to write again, "I was already from the impression from Roxy over here that your father is a complete asshole."

"Stuck in his traditions and always finding some way to _glorify_ our family is more like it." Sora added in. He bit his lip, "Listen, I'm going out with Riku right now. We're going to go figure this whole thing out and try to reach an agreement. I'm not sure how long I'm going to be out, but … Roxas, don't give Axel to much of a hard time, okay?"

I shrugged, looking back at the paper in front of me. Axel walked over to the door to lock it after Sora had left which left me to concentrate on the paper in front of me. I popped out a bright red crayon and a black one and set to work. Axel went back to focusing on his paper stealing glances at me every so often. I don't know how much time had passed but when I looked up at the clock it was getting close to four in the afternoon.

"Well I think that's enough. Let's see what you have." Axel set what he was doing on the table as I pushed the pictures across the way to his corner. I dropped my hand up against my face, looking up at him with scrutinizing eyes. He flipped through each picture, his eyes widening and creasing with each one he looked at. He would occasionally smirk, look at me and then go back to looking at the picture.

"They're nice."

"I thought so too."

He held up a picture of a certain tall red head stick figure being impaled on a spear by a smaller blonde stick figure, "This one is my favorite. Can I keep it?"

"Sure." I turned back around looking to the clock again. _4:10_. Could time have moved any slower?

Axel folded up the paper and stuffed it into his bag, going back to whatever it was he was doing prior to looking at the drawings, "You're free to do whatever you want. That's all for today."

"Like I can do much." I mumbled standing up. My stomach growled loudly and I headed over the kitchen, looking for something quick to eat. I settled on a bowl of Cheerio's and called it a day. Sora would probably cook something when he got home, and I figured the cereal could be deemed as a …late breakfast. When I went to reach for the drawer with all the forks, spoons and knives in it I saw that the thing was locked. "What the hell is this?"

"Ah, new developments." Axel appeared in the doorway, a smirk on his face, "Ansem's orders. There's pretty much a lock on anything with sharp objects in it in the house. I'm surprised you didn't notice it until now."

"…When am I ever **in** here?" I glared at him.

"Well, everyone has to eat."

"Sora takes care of that."

"He eats for you?"

"You know what I mean dummy."

"I haven't heard that insult since grade school."

"Then, shut up you fathead."

"My feelings are so hurt."

Before I could retort, the locks on the front door clicked and Sora came in, sighing loudly. Soro was barking at him even has he tried to hush her up. She ran into the kitchen following after him wherever he went. "Hey …what are you guys doing?"

"He wanted a spoon." Axel shrugged, "I didn't have the key to open up the chest of treasures though."

Sora laughed gently, "…I'll get the spoon in a second …Axel, I'll see you out now if you want."

He snapped his fingers grinning, "We'll get the booty tomorrow, hm?"

Just what the hell was wrong with Axel? Was he dropped on the head as a child? Or was he just permanently retarded? The door clicked shut again as Sora was coming back in.

"Did you have a nice day?" He turned around, fiddling with his grey scarf in an attempt to unwrap it from his neck. Soro was barking again, running around him in circles.

"It was fine."

"Oh. Well, I was going to make dinner now …are you hungry?"

I held up the bowl of cereal.

"Right …well …I'll get you a spoon. Tell me if you want something else, I'll whip up something quick." He proceeded to unlock the drawer, handing me a spoon so I could eat my cereal. I stayed in the kitchen while Sora left to go to his room.

"Um …Roxas?" Sora called from outside the kitchen. He came back in holding a bunch of papers in his hand, eyebrows raised slightly in concern. I looked up at him, blinking. "What are these?" He held the papers up to my face and I looked at them for a quick moment before going back to eating my cereal. Axel had left my "drawing therapy" papers here, probably because he was so forgetful, the moron.

"Axel dying." I answered.

"Oh …"

xXx

"_Mommy is going to be sooooo mad, Woxas!"_

_I looked to see the velvet drapes in the front foyer were hanging precariously off the rod. There was a huge rip torn right down the center, and threads were laying bare for all to see. I turned to look at Sora who was biting his nails. He turned to look at me shaking his head, "Wox! We gotta do someting!"_

_I shook my head. "I …I don't …" _

"_Sora! Roxas!" Our mother's voice grew closer as her heels stomped around upstairs._

_Sora flinched when he heard our mother's voice, "Hurwwy! Think of someting!"_

_There was a sharp intake of air above our heads as our mother finally found us. "Boys! What did you do?" She quickly descended the stairs walking over to the tattered drapes. She looked down at us. "You know this is a big no no!" She looked at the drapes, observing the damage done to them._

"_What did they do?" Our father's voice boomed from above our heads._

"_Look at these drapes, Teier!" She shook them furiously, her usually calm voice going a pitch too high. _

_Sora grabbed onto my hand burying his head against my shoulder. "We in sooo much twouble…"_

"_It's okay." I looked up at my parents who were standing over us, my mother screaming over what Sora and my father giving us both a look that meant we were in for a stern reprimanding, "Don't …be sad, Sora."_

xXx

The days to Christmas were growing closer and closer as time progressed and with Sora being so stressed out and unlike his usual self these days, I figured I wanted to do something to try and cheer him up.

I was already up early and fully dressed before Axel came over to the house. Sora was out early that morning so that left me with the perfect plan for the day. Leaning against the couch, I waited for him to let Axel in and say goodbye to Sora as he went off to the Crimson Jazz to go check up on how business was doing.

Axel was still wearing his glasses from yesterday and a grey news boy hat instead of his white and black one. He linked his fingers into his pants, bouncing on one leg, "Well, well, well, you're up early…and you're dressed to go outside, hm?"

"Axel." I started, folding my arms.

"Yesssss, my little Roxxxxxxy?"

I gritted my teeth, "You have a car, right?"

"Well, uh, technically it's Zexions. I sorta just borrow it on a day to day basis. It garners less attention than a motorcycle."

"…A _motorcycle_, Axel?"

"Oh come on, you totally knew I had a motorcycle." He flexed his almost nonexistent muscles, jutting his hips outward, "I'm too hot and sexy not to."

"Look, moron, I didn't ask you to fetch for vainglorious compliments about yourself, all I wanted to know-"

"Vain-who-or-what?" Axel asked, confusedly.

I felt myself clenching my teeth a bit more than needed. God he was such an idiot. I took a step forward, digging my hands into my pocket. "Let's put this into simple terms your pea sized brain will understand. I," I pointed to myself, "…want you," I pointed to him, "…to **DRIVE** me somewhere. Understand?"

"Este miúdo ..." He mumbled under his breath, crossing his arms, "And just why should I?"

"Because I said so."

"Well, I said no." He walked past me, and into the living room.

I spun around to look at him, "And just why not?"

"Because," He looked over his shoulder, his voice taking over a mocking tone, "I said so."

I stomped down into the living room with my hands on my hips, "That's not a reason."

"You never gave me a reason either." He countered, flipping through channels. He landed on New York One, placing the remote down on the arm rest of the chair and propped his chin up against his knuckles. I should have known he wasn't going to give in that easily. I brooded for a moment. I hated giving him the power all the time, it was so demeaning.

_And in news this morning, the trail for Xemnas Allam begins today—_

I instantly paled, looking for the remote on the other side of Axel, "Axel, turn it off."

"Wait, I want to hear this." He leaned forward.

…_New investigations have found that there was a variety —_

"Axel, please, I'm asking you to turn to something different." I began to wrestle with him for the remote, diving over to his spot as he waved the thing in the air in an attempt to keep it out of my grip.

"I'll turn in a second –"

"TURN IT OFF. **NOW**."

"Rox—"

I gripped the remote from his hands, snatching it and mashed any number of buttons to turn from the news. I flung the remote from my hands, instantly standing up, feeling my breathing increase rapidly. Axel was looking up at me with concern written all over his face, looking a bit alarmed at how I was reacting right now.

I turned around and promptly walked to my room, yanking open the door, flinging the sheets back and curling them around my body to stop shaking. I dug my fingers into the plush sheets, trying to calm the pain in my chest and breathing. I was not about to have a panic attack …I was not about to have a panic attack.

…I was.

I was having a panic attack.

Shit.

The floor next to my bed creaked and the bed sunk down by where my legs were. I was still shaking, and breathing harshly when a hand rubbed along my arm. I jumped, stilling myself. "Relax …it's just me."

I was still trembling but …it felt …

"Are you okay? Sure it's a stupid ass question, but you know …protocol and all. I have to make sure you're not going to die on me or something." He moved the arm, straightening himself out so that he was now fully on the bed and sitting by where my feet were. "Do you want to talk or something? I know hell would freeze over before you will …but you kind of scared me back there. ...And you didn't look to well, like you were …going to … I don't know …I'm sorry if I did anything. I'm …shit."

"You … " I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat, "…don't …worry."

There was a silence for a long time. All you could hear was my erratic breathing and the whirl of the heat coming through vents in the ceiling. He shifted his weight,

"…That was a panic attack, wasn't it?"

I made a movement as if to nod my head.

"Is it over?"

I nodded again.

"You okay?"

I nodded slowly again.

"I know, it gets tedious when I've asked you the same question like …fifteen times, but I'm just making sure you're functionable or whatever."

"That isn't a word."

"I know." I pushed the sheets down a bit peering over at him. Axel was sitting up against the wall, no smirks or grins, just a tired, drawn look playing in his eyes. He tapped his boots together, fisting his hands into his pockets. "You look so strange when you do that."

"What?"

"Coming out of the sheets like that."

"Shut up."

He tapped his fingers on the bed in thought, "So …you said you wanted to go out right? You still up for it? Or do you want to stay here and rest for today?"

"...I thought you weren't going to take me." I hardly felt like talking, let alone going anywhere after that little episode I had just had. I rubbed my eyes, sighing.

"Well it might do you some good to get out the house, right? Come on, we can get out of the city for a day and drive somewhere." He scratched at his chin in thought, "Where though, I'm not exactly sure just yet..."

"Axel …"

"Hm?"

"Shut up."

"I'll take that as a yes."

xXx

"So you want to get a Christmas gift for Sora?"

I nodded my head, not speaking. Drawing my scarf around my face I looked up at Axel who was thinking about something. He put the car into park, unlocking the doors, "Well, we're bound to find something in one of these stores on this strip. Where do you want to go to first?"

I shrugged pushing my sunglasses up over my eyes.

"How about Sears? They have a multitude of crap there." Axel asked as we got out of the car. He pointed the keys at the door to lock it, pocketing them as I rounded the corner to walk at his side. We crossed the parking lot, making our way past hoards of people. "Jeez, it's kind of crowded."

"It's almost Christmas …it's bound to be crowded." I replied, following close behind him. We entered the store, the automatic doors sliding apart. A strong gust of warm air hit my face as I stepped onto the clear linoleum tiles, looking around for somewhere to start. Crappy Christmas music played overhead and people were mulling all over the place looking for gifts to buy loved ones. We boarded an escalator heading to the upper levels to start our search there.

"What exactly do you want to get him?" Axel asked, arms folded.

"Something he's had his eye on for awhile actually …I'm not really sure if he wants it still but …"

"A shirt? Video game? Apron? What?"

"A cooking …thing." I replied. "A mixer. A kitchen aid artisan? I'll know it when I see it."

"Well that would make sense."

I shrugged, taping my finger on the banister of the escalator, waiting for the thing to arrive at the next level. I looked up at the signs above us and shrugged, "I guess it would be in appliances or something, right?" I looked behind my shoulder at Axel who nodded, ushering me forward. I moved in-between rows upon rows of grills, washing machines and an assortment of other large appliances.

Axel was causally waiting at the corner of one of the rows I walked through, hands in his pockets. "Found what you're looking for?"

"No." I replied, folding my arms.

"Wanna ask for help?" He looked over his shoulder, then back at me.

"Not particularly." I raised my eyebrows.

"Oh, come on."

"No."

"You obviously can't find what you're looking for." He clapped his hands together giddily and turned around motioning for me to follow him. I shook my head, pressing my hand to my face to rub my eyebrows and temples. I nearly collided with Axel's backside when he stopped walking. I peeked out from behind him and saw rows upon rows of kitchen appliances and other small machines. "Jackpot." He pointed ahead of us, turning around to look at me.

I walked out from behind him, heading down the expansive aisle to look for what I was searching for. Axel was on my other side looking alongside me. He moved a few boxes aside, "Is this what you're looking for?" He pulled a box down, handing it over to me.

I stroked over the polished cover of the box and blinked, "I think this is it …"

"Why such a long name?" He asked.

I shrugged turning it over, "I haven't a clue."

"Quite an expensive little diddy, isn't it?" He leaned over to check the price tag.

"…It's fine." I tucked it under my arm. "Let's go pay."

We moved forward in line to the cash register where we were greeted with a blonde haired Hispanic girl with a very prominent Brooklyn accent. She smiled at me, snapping her gum loudly, and scratched at the side of her mouth. I placed the mixer down on the counter as she rung it up, digging around in my pocket for my wallet.

"Your total is 289.94. Cash, debit or credit?"

"Debit." I replied.

She pressed a couple of buttons on the computer, turning back to me, "Enter your pin, please." I swiped the card, pressing a couple of buttons down and hit enter. The transaction went through and she printed up the receipt, putting it into the bag and handed everything over to me. "Have a good day."

Just as I was putting the card back into my wallet, Axel leaned over my shoulder to get a better look at something. He reclined as I snapped the wallet shut. I looked over at him as I picked the bag up, "What?"

"…You have a driver's license?" He asked, grinning.

"I'm not a complete and total invalid." I replied, looking at the receipt before dropping it into the bag again.

"Never said you were." He wiggled a finger, pocketing his hands again, "Ready to head home, Roxy? Or do you need to get anything else?"

"I figure Sora has some left over wrapping paper at the house, so no."

"Well then, back to the car we go."

"...Hey Axel ..."

"Hm?"

"Can you help me wrap this when we get back?" I paused as he got his keys out to open up the car, "I'm ...terrible at wrapping stuff."

He waved a hand in assurance. "Of course I'll help you wrap it." I looked up at him and he was smiling at me. No smirks, no grins, a genuine smile.

I didn't say anything, merely nodded and got into the car.


	6. Balaclava

**6; balaclava**

I woke up Christmas morning to Sora coming into my room, with two steaming mug of hot chocolate in his hands. Soro was bouncing along happily by his feet. She hopped up onto my bed to try and lick me, but I pushed her away before she got too far. Dejectedly, she hopped off my bed, heading out of my room to God knows where.

"What time is it?" I asked, blinking blearily.

"Nearly ten … Merry Christmas." Sora smiled warmly, handing me the mug in his hands. I sipped at my own mug and nodded in thanks in return. The phone started to ring, and Sora leaned over my bed to pick up the cordless out of the cradle. Clicking it on, he pressed it to his ear, "Hello?" I shifted to look at him as he instantly got up, looked down at me and held his hand over the receiver. He lowered his voice to a hushed tone, "He's not here …no, you have the wrong number." He rushed over to the door of my room, heading out into the hallway. When he came back he was holding a wrapped package. Soro came back into the room, her tags jingling as she sniffed around on the floor after his trail. He was carrying the phone in his hand and it was off.

"Who was it?" I asked, taking a sip of the hot chocolate.

"Wrong number." Sora replied dismissively. He pushed the package down in front of me. "Merry Christmas."

I sat the hot chocolate down on my night stand. Leaning forward, I pulled the package toward me, observing its length and weight. It felt like a book, but I wasn't sure, "What is it?"

"Open it." He grinned, sipping his own hot chocolate.

"_The Complete Worst Scenario Survival Handbook_?" I asked, looking at him.

Sora shrugged sheepishly, "I know you like to read and stuff, and I really had no clue what to get you this year. But, I saw it and it has tons of stuff in there about you know, stuff …here." He leaned over to move the book out of my lap, opening to a random page "Like, er … _How to Jump from Rooftop to Rooftop _..."

"Sora, when am I ever going to need to know how to jump from a rooftop?"

"Ah ah, just from rooftop **TO **rooftop, get it straight." He pouted, "I don't know …but it might be useful for one day! You **never **know!" He waved the book, in his hand.

"Hm …" I got out of my bed, walking over to my closet. Rummaging around past shoes in the bottom of the closet, I pulled out Sora's Christmas gift from the mess, balancing it in my arm as I closed the doors. I held it out to Sora, "Merry Christmas."

"You got me something?" He raised an eyebrow slyly, shaking the box.

"Don't break it, open it." I sat down on the bed, frowning slightly.

"You …didn't…" Sora's eyes lit up, "Oh my god, Rox, you did! I've been wanting an Aritsan for the longest time now! …I knew I wasn't going crazy when I thought it looked like **someone **had tampered in my funds. Oh, you don't even **know** what you did by getting me this. I'm going to be baking in the kitchen all day now. I gotta try this out right now …" He stood up, nearly knocking Soro off the bed, "Oh, there's some stuff under the tree for you..." He picked up the box with the mixer in it and headed out of my room.

I left the book on my bed, and got up. Soro followed me, running along at my side and looking up at me every few minutes to see where I was heading. Sure enough, there were a bunch of gifts over stuffed underneath the tree. Sora came out of the kitchen as he was rolling up his sleeves. Next, he began tying a frilly red and white apron, that looked like it had been made in the 40's or 50's, around his waist. I looked at him and then looked at the apron, an eyebrow raised.

"Riku bought it." He blushed, a hand flying to rub at his cheek, "…It's cute isn't it?"

"It looks like it's made for a girl …"

"…Yeah, well …" He waved a hand dismissively, "Anyway, Riku and Rikku are coming over today. Cloud's out of town with Leon. They're ...well I don't really know what they're doing. They went skiing or something. Oh, and Naminé called. She's also out of town with Larxene. So it'll just be the four of us."

"What about Axel?"

"He's got some time off." Sora finished tying the apron around in the back, fixing the neck part.

"But today is Wednesday …" I started.

"Yeah, well, he has days that he can take off every now and then. Besides, he's taking care of some business matters. Don't worry; I'll be home for a couple more days. He'll be back on Monday."

"Who said I was?"

Sora rolled his eyes as he headed off to the kitchen, "Go open your stuff!"

I sunk underneath the tree, brushing past bristles of pine to search for boxes with my name on them. There was a large wrapped gift pressed against the wall and several other boxes stacked against it. I leaned over to view the tags and saw that they were all addressed to me.

The large gift was a painting done by Naminé. It was of a pale girl with blood red lips and flaxen hair holding a coffee mug. She was sitting at a table with her eyes cast downward at the bird on the ledge of her window. A small note was attached to its frame.

_Merry Christmas, Roxas. I've noticed your room is looking a tad bit …barren lately and is in need for a little decoration. I've been working on this for a while and I wanted you to have it. I hope you like it. _

The next gift I opened was from Rikku. …She got me a blue and white striped cashmere scarf. Rikku, always the little fashionista. There was a small crystal encrusted music box from Riku. Probably something he had bought when he was on his trip in Italy. The next gift I found was from Cloud. He had gotten me a silver _Versace _watch with a note attached to it that read:

_You're terrible at keeping time. This might help._

–_Cloud._

Funny.

"Hey, Roxas?" Sora's voice floated out from the kitchen. He was running water, and clanging and clinging about with different utensils and pots. "Could you turn on the stereo? It's a bit too quiet in here."

I uncrossed my legs, crossing the living room and hit the play button on the stereo. Soft Christmas music flooded out from the speakers mounted on the ceiling. I turned around to see Sora's shadow coming out of the kitchen as he moved about, humming along with the current carol playing throughout the house.

"Oh, and plug the tree in, why don't you?" He asked, poking his head out of the kitchen for a split second. I turned around and reached for the cord to plug the tree in. With my hands on my hips, I looked up at the glowing star up top.

The door bell rung and Sora squeaked a bit, toddling out of the kitchen, his hands dripping. "Sorrryyy, can you get that?"

I shrugged, peeping to look who it was at first, then opened the door. Riku came in, a soft smile on his face, "Merry Christmas, Roxas."

"Merry Christmas." I replied, stepping aside to let him in. I locked the door, walking past Riku, "Sora, Riku's here."

Sora jumped, nearly cutting his finger off while he was chopping up carrots. He turned around, looking like he was about to be swept into a whirlwind. "I'm never going to get dinner done …" He muttered to himself, quickly wiping his wet hands off on his apron and entering the living room. "Riku! I didn't know you were going to be …this …early."

Riku shrugged, "We finished up sooner than expected. …I'm not too early am I?"

Sora shook his head, "No, no, I was …I was just getting a start on the rest of dinner." He swallowed nervously, and then cracked out one of his signature smiles, "Can I get you something?"

While the two of them talked, I disappeared back into the living room, dragging the majority of the boxes back into my room. I stayed in there for the entire day, only coming out when Rikku arrived in the late afternoon.

I must have dozed off sometime during the day because Rikku was yelling at me to wake up so we could play _Guitar Hero III_ on the Wii. When I refused, she of course threatened me with bodily harm. Seeing that I didn't want to put up with her shenanigans I got up to play a couple of rounds with her. After awhile, she got tired and decided to watch TV until Sora was done cooking. I picked up my book again as she flipped through channel upon channel of Christmas specials. She instantly stopped, lunging forward on the sofa, her hands flying to her cheeks giddily.

"Oh my god! Axel!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Shhh, Axel is on the news!" She turned the volume up on the television.

E! was currently going on about celebrities that were spreading the holiday cheer, flashing several pictures of various famous people across the screen. Rikku squealed when Axel appeared on the TV screen. He was walking down the street with Demyx at his feet. _" …Axel Ramirez spent his Christmas in the company of band mate Demyx Aldaine visiting shelters on the Lower East side. Insider sources say that they spent the day handing out gifts, reading to the children and helping out in the kitchen to prepare dinner. Jodi Gallows was able to stop the singer for a few questions before he returned home."_

I rolled my eyes as Rikku sat there drinking the entire thing up. "Ahh …"

The camera switched to a pan of Axel and Demyx leaving the shelter among a pack of cameras. A blonde haired woman pushed her way up to the two, calling Axel over as Demyx was behind him signing autographs for fans.

"_Axel! Axel! Can I get a word with you?"_

He turned around distractedly, _"…Mmm?" _He shrugged, _"Mm'kay, sure."_

"_How were the children, Axel?"_

"_They were great …really full of energy …"_ He looked distractedly over his shoulder at Demyx, and then turned back to the camera with his hands shoved into his pockets.

"_How are you celebrating this Christmas season?"_

"_With a burnt turkey and over cooked rice and beans."_ He looked over his shoulder again, _"Dem! Hurry up! We gotta get back, already."_

"_I'm coming! I'm coming!"_

"_Do you have anything you'd like to say to your fans that might be watching this?"_

"_Uh, yeah."_ He grinned, "_Stay safe and stuff guys …you know, all that stuff."_ He looked over his shoulder again, _"DEM-YX. CAN YOU GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE?"_

"_SHUT__** UP**__! I'M COMING!"_ He took another piece of paper into his hands, signing it quickly and waving to the girl who had just come up to him. His body guard was at his side immediately, holding up a hand that he was no longer signing autographs.

Axel turned back to the camera, "_Well, gotta run. Nice talking to you …Rodi …"_

"_Jodi."_ The reporter snapped, gripping the microphone tightly to quell her anger.

"_Right. Well, I gotta go …"_ He gave her the thumbs off and waved as he disappeared into what I realized was Zexion's BMW. Demyx slid into the passenger side, sticking out of the window to wave as Axel started up the car. _"Merry Christmas, b-es!"_ Axel shouted, out the window and they were off. They cut the segment just as he was out of sight.

Rikku sighed, "…You are so lucky you get to hang out with that every day."

"Yeah," I replied sarcastically, "It's one hell of a great time."

"Must you always be so …what's that word …sarmonic? Kardonic?"

"Sardonic?" I tried.

"Yeah! That!" She pointed a finger at me, "Must you be so sardonic all the time?"

"It's my middle name."

"No, your middle name Ian."

"…" I looked at her again, and then returned to looking at my book.

"You see, this is why I never try to have a conversation with you. It's like talking to a wall." She stood up, her hands on her hips. "A very **sardonic **wall."

I ignored her as she stomped past me to go see what Sora was doing. Moving over to get the remote, I turned the volume down on the television. A chorus of voices poured out of the kitchen. Rikku was going on about something that had happened to her recently, Sora added his two cents ever so often. I must have dozed off again, because when I came to, Rikku was standing over me with her hands on her hips.

"Food's done, come and eat."

We all ate together in the living room, watching some bad Christmas movie. After dinner, Rikku headed home. Sora and Riku retired to the living room and stayed up most of the night, talking. I went to bed sometime after, still somewhat groggy from my previous nap. Overall …it was a nice Christmas, I suppose...

xXx

A steady fall of white snow had already started outside the window, covering New York City in a blanket of pressed white fluff. I pressed my nose against the glass, staring out into the street as people and cars raced through the mess on their way to important destinations, never stopping to look at the spectacle that surrounded them.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" I turned around to look at Ansem who was lingering over my shoulder. He stroked his chin, fingering the wispy hairs on his chin, "The view from here is even more spectacular."

I shrugged, "It's okay."

"Ahh, before we appreciate the bigger things in life, we must always gain admiration for the minute." He retreated from my side, walking over to his desk, "It's something I learned in my youth a long time ago."

"Hm …" I mused, tapping my fingers on cheek.

"New Years is in a few days, is it not? It is a time for new revelations, promises and the like." Ansem clasped his hands together, pressing them against his desk.

"I can hardly wait." I replied, dryly.

"Ah …I see your humor is returning."

I shrugged at him dismissively. My mood was one that was ever changing these days. It felt hard to get a grip on things at times. I was still in that process of "recovery" as they liked to put it. As far as my sanity goes in the views of medical professionals, I was probably still in the red.

"Anything else you want to expound on?"

"No."

He scribbled something down on the paper in front of him, "That is fine." He looked back up at me, reclining back in his chair, "…How are things with you personally?"

"Okay."

"No new developments?"

"No."

"Mmm …" He scribbled something down on his paper, "Roxas, how do you feel you've come along within these past few months?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. How do _you_ feel I've come in these past few months?"

"Ho, turning the question on me …" He folded his arms, "I suppose that you have made some accomplishment if not a lot."

"What do you mean?"

"Your demeanor is still like it was from when you first came out of the hospital. You're still adapting to life as it is now." He paused, "Which brings me to this question that I've been pondering about for quite some time. What can you remember of your life before …well, your lengthy stay at the hospital?"

"You have to be more specific than that." I answered.

"Ah, yes, let me clarify myself …" He cleared his throat, "Your family life, friends, acquaintances, people that mattered to you in your life. Perhaps I should have asked you this in the beginning, for it seems a little late to be asking you this now. But, it has been quite a long time since I've seen you. I wanted to establish a bit of a bond of trust between us first."

"Seven years. Give or take."

"Has it been that long?"

"I stopped seeing you a little after my twelfth birthday …that was in 2000."

"So it would be seven years." He flipped through papers.

I looked at the clock, fidgeting as I drew my leg underneath my left thigh.

He looked at the clock behind me, "Yet, perhaps these questions are left to a better time. Our session is about to end, and I'm sure you don't want to keep Sora waiting. We'll talk about this next time we meet."

xXx

"_Wikku! No! Get out of my fawt!" _

_We were currently in the play room with our younger sister. Sora was building a tower, surrounding himself in a large structure of blocks in different shapes and colors. Rikku, who had just learned to crawl, was heading over in his direction._

"_Ahh!" She cried, banging her hands on the ground, as she reclined from her crawling position to sit up. She patted at Sora's lap. He swatted her away, trying to press her down gently on the floor. She only maneuvered around him, trying to get to his blocks again._

"_Get out!" He cried again, heaving her over._

"_Ahhh!" She yelled again, waving her arms. She lunged forward, planting a firm chubby hand on a block and gave it a hard tug. The blocks fell and toppled over the two of them. Rikku laughed and clapped happily while Sora looked like he was about to kill her. _

"_MOOOOOMMM!"_

_Our mother was on the phone, pacing back every so often between the play room and down the hall to check on us. She came to the door, pressing a hand over the phone, "What is it, Sora?"_

"_Wikku knocked my fawt down!" He stood up, pouting._

_Rikku in turn gurgled, and laughed happily when she saw my mom. She crawled over and made a grabbing motion that meant she wanted to pick up, "Baahhh!"_

"_Oh, you …" She laughed, "Xemnas, may I call you later? The little ones need tending to. I'll see you at the end of the week." She clicked the phone off, leaning over to look at Rikku._

"_Maaahh!" She pointed at our mother, gurgling some more. _

"_That's right. Mama!" She pressed her nose against Rikku's as she leaned down to pick her up, "Can you say, Mama?"_

_Rikku blew a bubble out her mouth in return, gurgling amusedly._

"_Aawww …how cute you—"_

"_Maaa—AH!" Sora stomped his feet, pulling on her skirt, "Did you heaw me? I saided she bwokeded my fawt!"_

"_Oh …well …honey …" She looked at Rikku in her arms. "I'm sure …"_

xXx

"How was Christmas, Roxy?"

"Fine." I had long given up on trying to dissuade him from using that annoying name. Axel had invited himself into my room that morning and took to questioning me, when I was clearly trying to just enjoy some time away from him.

"Did you leave milk and cookies for Santa?" Axel wiggled his finger, grinning.

"Oh yeah," I replied, licking my finger as I turned the page, "He left me a giant idiot in return. I think you might know him."

"I'm sure I do." He sat down on my bed, drawing his long lanky shape onto the bed.

"What are you reading?"

I held up the book, not making eye contact with him.

"I know those books! Demyx bought Zexion one a couple of years back …I think it was on relationships and sex or something. He's always been convinced Zex was asexual …"

I looked at him, and then went back to my book. Licking the corner, I flipped through another page, continuing to read.

"So, New Years is in nearly two days. Ready to get positively smashed?" Axel asked, grinning.

"I don't drink." I replied.

"Oh come on, you're nineteen. I'm sure you've had your share of drinks."

"No."

"Not even one?"

"I'm not disclosing that information."

"Touchy, touchy, alright …" He rolled his eyes, reclining on the chair, "What are you doing for New Years?"

"What I do every year."

"Sulk the entire day?"

Alright, now he was starting to get on my nerves. "…Why are you even in my room in the first place?" I asked, closing the book and glaring at him.

He shrugged, "There was nothing on TV, and you weren't around so I went to go find you." He grinned, "What? Are you telling me you **aren't **enjoying my company?"

"No."

"Oh, Roxy!" He made a dramatic pose, hanging off the bed with his left arm over his face. His right one was extended dramatically as if he were about to faint, "Your words. They rip and tear my soul…"

"I'm glad." I replied, hopping off the bed and throwing the book in the direction of his head.

He followed after me like a lost little puppy, moaning my name sadly. "Roxxxxyyy."

"WHAT, DAMMIT?" I snapped, turning around.

He smiled, "Nothing."

"Ughh," I walked away from him, heading into the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal. Sora had left some utensils out from the night before, so I plucked a spoon from the drainer on the side and dipped it into the bowl. "I saw you on TV the other day."

"You did?" He made a thoughtful gesture, "When …was …oh! When we went to go see the kids? Ew, you saw that?"

"You were wonderfully articulate." I replied, dipping the spoon into the bowl, "Great interviewing skills."

"…I was distracted! We needed to get back to help Zexion cook dinner! I don't even remember that chick's name now that I think about it…" He shrugged, "And she was boring. What a terrible reporter."

"…Or you're just a moron with the attention span of a two year old child."

"Well, I do get bored easily." He waved his hand, "But that's besides the point."

"I'm sure it is."

"Soooo, what do you want to do today?"

"Be left alone."

"That's what you want every day." He sat down at the table, grinning.

"Exactly. So you shouldn't have to ask me that question ever again."

"Oh, you're no fun."

"Go entertain yourself." I replied, bringing my bowl with me as I left the kitchen and Axel behind me. I went back to my room to go pick up the book where I had left it. Settling down, I went back to reading my book. About five minutes later I heard heavy rolling and a rather high pitched squeal coming toward my door. Soro had started barking and ran into my room. I looked up from my book just in time to see Axel rolling past my bedroom to slam against the wall on my skateboard.

"WHAT THE _HELL_ ARE YOU DOING?" I yelled, bolting up right.

"You told me to entertain myself." He replied, smiling devilishly. He turned the board around so he could skate to the other side of the house.

I scrambled out of bed, rushing over to the door, "I DIDN'T MEAN THIS YOU IDIOT!"

"Ah, ah! Temper. Remember, the first step to getting better is not to let the little things bother you. This is clearly a little thing that you must learn to ignore." He was coming back toward me now.

"What the fuck! This isn't therapy!" I yelled, throwing my book down on the floor. "Get off my skateboard!" Soro came up behind me, still barking. God, if that dog didn't shut up.

"So this is **yours**, hm? Even better."

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP!" I yelled at Soro. Getting fed up; I tried to push her away with my foot. She growled at me, and only continued to bark further at me. Stupid ass dog. Axel rolled by me again while I was trying to deal with Soro, only to kick off and start back the other way while I was distracted. I finally nudged her into the bathroom and closed the door. Her barking died down a little.

"I'm not playing Axel, get off **now**."

"And just how are you going to get me to do that?" He asked, coming down the hallway towards me.

I stuck out my foot, popping the front down on the skateboard as soon as he passed by me. That …was probably not the smartest idea. Axel was able to get off the skateboard, running forward to brace himself on the wall by my bedroom. The skateboard moved a bit underneath my foot and I lost my balance, falling forward toward where he was standing.

Two tight hands wrapped around my forearms, drawing me up to regain my balance. I looked up to see Axel smirking at me, "I think you're falling for me, Roxas."

"Get** off**." I groaned, pushing at him. I kicked up the skateboard, glaring at him. "You are **never **touching this again. _DO YOU UNDERSTAND_?"

"Mmm, maybe," He grinned as I walked back into my room ignoring him, "Sooo, you still skate?"

I didn't respond, tucking the skateboard away into a secure spot in my closet. I brushed past him as he stood in the middle of my room watching whenever I moved. I went go let Soro out of the bathroom so she would stop whining and pawing at the door.

"Awww, are you mad?"

I walked back into my room, picked up my book and went back to reading on my bed. I immediately commenced to ignoring the red headed moron standing in the middle of my room. Thankfully I heard the locks on the door turn and Sora announcing that he was home.

Axel turned to me, snapping his fingers, "Well, Roxy, looks like our little pre-pre-New Years fun has become interrupted." He grinned, blowing me a kiss. "Happy New Year! See you next year!"

…See you next year.

Ha.

Hilarious.

xXx

_I was in a bed in a dark room._

_X was at my side, and I was cuddling him to my chest in fear._

_The television was on, but I couldn't hear it. There was no sound, only abysmal silence. Someone was shaking me, talking to me. I couldn't hear them. It was like watching a silent movie. A hand reached out for me and turned me over. I was met with amber eyes. He pointed to the television screen, making a gesture with his hand. He leaned down to kiss me on the cheek, quickly disappearing out of the room to the adjoining bathroom._

_On the television was a man and another man engaged …in …something …something I didn't understand. Xemnas came back into the room, sitting down next to me. His pants were partially unzipped, exposing parts of his underwear. He picked up my hand and moved it to press against the part where his pants zipped and buttoned. I felt something …hard._

_He leaned forward, whispering into my ears, his hand moving mine. He kissed me on the cheek, saying something else that I couldn't quite understand. I tried to pull away, but his grip held on firm. He turned my direction to the television to look at the two men again. One had his hand on the other, pushing up and down on …his private area. Brushing a finger under my chin, he turned my head to look back at him. _

_The sounds started to come back at full force, getting louder and louder. I shut my eyes as tight as I could, trying to pull away from Xemnas in the process. "I want you to do that to me." He drew kisses all over my face again, "And I don't want you to stop until I say so."_

xXx

When I woke up it was raining.

Thunder flashed and crashed outside as I sat up in bed, gripping the sheets in clenched fists. I gripped at my chest, trying to calm my hammering heart. Looking at the clock to my side, I saw that it was morning, even though the color of the sky outside made me think otherwise. I couldn't control my breathing and I felt like I was going to throw up at any moment. I barricaded myself into the sheets and willed myself to try and control what I was feeling.

I …I couldn't even remember doing something like that. Half of these memories didn't even seem real at times. Who was to say that my mind wasn't just feeding me random nightmares that it was conjuring up? I rolled over, burying my face into my pillow, inhaling deeply to try and stop from shaking.

"Sora …" I moaned loudly. "Sora …can you come here?"

"He's not here."

I sat up slowly seeing Axel poised at my door wearing a dark black dress shirt, and dark blue jeans. His hair was tied back in a loose ponytail and he had his glasses on, "What are you doing here?" I asked, sitting up. "I thought you were off today."

"Sora called me up to come over because he had to step out. Don't have a clue as to when the hell he's going to be back. Until then, I'm here to keep you company. Nice, hm?" He shrugged.

"Sure."

He pocketed his hands in the front part of his jeans, balancing on the balls of his feet, "What'd you want anyway?"

"… A double shot espresso would be nice." I replied, rubbing my head.

"I made coffee." He responded.

"Black?"

"Uhh, no, decaf." He scratched his chin, running a stray hand through his hair.

That …wouldn't do.

I rummaged around underneath the sheets, pulling them apart as I stepped out of my bed. Axel stepped aside to let me through as I headed into the kitchen to look around in the cabinets for the dark canister of Starbucks double shot espresso. I proceeded to make myself a cup, just as Axel came into the kitchen to sit down at the table, watching me as I carried on. When it was done, I poured myself a mug, blowing it off before sipping it slowly.

"Let me get a cup?" He rinsed his mug out in the sink, sitting down at the table. "Maybe it'll wake me up."

"I'm telling you now …I don't put anything in it …"

He shrugged, as I poured him a cup. I set the pot down on the counter and turned to him for a reaction. He took one sip, bit his lower lip and gagged. "This is disgusting." He got up, "Where the hell is the sugar and milk?"

"I told you." I replied, calmly sipping from my mug again. "Sugars on the table, milks on the second shelf to the left."

He opened the fridge looking around for the milk, plucking the top off to pour some into his mug. I don't know how much sugar Axel put into his mug but I think it was probably enough to send someone into diabetic shock. He massaged his head, groaning. "God …"

"What's wrong with you?"

"Well, for one, I've got this pounding headache …accompanied with the most bitching ass hang over ever. I was barely conscious when your brother called me up this morning to come over …nearly threw up when I tried to sit up in bed."

"Amusing, you can't hold your liquor?"

"Sure I can. Demyx is the one with the low alcohol tolerance." He made a weird face, as he took another sip of the espresso. Getting up, he went to the refrigerator to get the milk again. "What about you? You're mellow for once. No, 'grrrrr, Axel is a shithead, I hate him' exterior."

"Hmm …" I frowned, tightening my mug in my hands.

"Relax, it's nothing bad. It's just, I'm so used to, you know …your normal self."

"What are you implying?"

"Nothing …look, I …" He sighed, "It's nothing. Just …it's nice to see you calm for once."

"Hmph."

He set his mug down on the table, rummaging around in his back pocket for his usual pack of Marlboro's. "I'm going to go light up for a few."

I shrugged, putting my own mug into the sink and ran some water into it. Axel was at his usual window spot, looking out into the street when I headed back into my room. Soro was resting in the center of my bed, curled up and perked up when she saw me enter the room. She made an attempt to get me to pick her up. Sorry, that was Sora's job. I pushed her over a bit and she whined at me. She settled over at the end of my bed and curled up again. I got back into bed, curling up in the sheets and tried to close my eyes and find some peace of mind.

"Roxas?"

"What, Axel?" I snapped, burying myself in the sheets further.

"What are you doing?" He asked inquisitively.

"Trying to disappear." I replied dryly.

"Oh …" His voice died out and his footsteps crossed the length of my room. I thought he was leaving but then I heard him rummaging around in my closet, pushing aside hangars, inspecting a few articles of clothing at a time. He picked out a rainbow hoodie, unzipping it and putting it around his lithe flame. He walked over to the mirror checking himself out.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I asked, glaring at him.

"Checking to see if I could fit your clothing. The question's been on my mind for like …forever." He held out a hand, "This is just screaming** gay pride, **girlfriend!" He snapped his right hand rather flamboyantly.

"Take it off, you look ridiculous."

He took the hoodie off, looking at the tag and grinned, "I knew you shopped at Hot Topic." Hanging up the hoodie, he pulled a pair of tripp pants off a hanger. "Ooo! Look at all these belts! Kinky!" He looked at me and grinned.

"…Put the pants back and step away from my closet. **Now**."

"Orrrr?" Always pushing the limits.

"I'll break your face in."

"Are you feeling better?" Hopeful.

"No, I'm not."

"Well you threatened me with bodily harm, so you must be feeling better!"

I stared at him for a long time. "…Just …go occupy yourself with something that doesn't involve talking to me."

"Guess I'll go set the house on fire, then!"

I glared at him from where I was laying on the bed.

He laughed, "It was a joke, Roxas."

"Shut up, and go away."

He whistled as he left the room, "I'm setting the house on fire, then!"

"Good! Maybe you'll kill me in the process!"

xXx

I fell asleep for the remainder of the day, sleeping the whole of New Years Eve away. I dully noted the phone ringing, and Axel's loud voice carrying into my room. The next time I woke up the rain had stopped and it had grown increasingly darker. I looked to the clock and bolted up right when I saw that it was well past eleven o'clock at night, with a half hour to twelve.

I had slept the entire day away.

Groggily, I pulled my blanket around my shoulders to shield me from the cold as I rolled out of bed. I pushed open the door to head into the living room. Axel was on the couch watching the coverage of the ball in Times Square. I looked at him then looked at the television, and then back to him, "What …are you still doing here?"

"Your brother got stuck at whatever it is he's doing." He shrugged, "There's a very good possibility that I might have to stay the night."

I opened my mouth, and then closed it, folding my arms as I stepped down the stairs into our sunken living room.

"Are you hungry?" He asked, "I ordered some Japanese. They're about ten California rolls in the fridge if you want any."

I shrugged, rubbing at my eyes. "I guess I'll get some." Heading into the kitchen, I stacked a few rolls on a plate, and brought them back into the living room. The time was now 11:55 pm. There were five minutes till the New Year.

"Have you ever watched the street after the ball drops?" Axel asked me as the camera panned across Times Square to the various people cheering in the street.

"Not ...really." I replied, taking a bite out of a roll. I adjusted the blanket draped around my shoulders.

"You see like ...millions of cabs going by." He laughed, "I counted close to about two hundred last year."

"You're lying."

"No lies. You gotta try it sometime." He grinned. Tapping his feet together, he turned to me, "So, any resolutions for the new year?"

_To get better ..._

I shook my head, "No."

"Not one?" He prodded, "Not even a small one?"

I shook my head. "I don't believe in resolutions. Why wait for a new year to do something you should have done in the previous one?"

He shrugged, "You have a point ..." Licking his lips, he exhaled loudly, "I don't know. I guess some people would rather start off fresh in a new year than having to make changes in the old one."

_One minute ..._

"You're still going to be the same person though." I replied.

"Ahhhh! The balls falling. Come on and count with me!" He leaned forward, shaking my shoulder.

"Ten! Nine ...come on, Roxy!"

"Six. Five." I replied dully, sticking another roll into my mouth.

"Three ... two ..." As soon as the ball dropped, Axel jumped out of his seat and yelled, "Happy New Year!"

I looked up at him, then at the TV to see confetti flying all over the place. Lights were flashing all around Times Square and people cheered all over the place. "Happy New Year." I mumbled. I pushed my plate onto the coffee table, leaning over on the couch. I was getting sleepy again.

Axel whipped out his cell phone, dialing up a hundred numbers per minute. He switched over from English to Portuguese for one of his conversations, but quickly switched back the moment he called the next person. When he was done he sat back down on the couch. "So, ready for 2008?"

"Mmm." I pulled my blanket around me tighter, leaning my head against the sofa's arm rest, "Wake me up when it's over."

"You just woke up!"

"And now I'm going back to sleep."

"Jesus, you're like a freaking narcoleptic or something."

I yawned and closed my eyes, "Maybe I am."


	7. Voyager

**7; voyager**

"Sora, this is nuts! You can't just up and leave at your own leisure! A week? A WEEK? Did you leave enough money for a week! Sora …this is …I know, I know. But, Roxas needs you and So- …Sora? Soooorrrraaa? Shit."

I blinked hazily, trying to focus my vision. Inhaling sharply, I stretched from my confined space on the sofa, staring up at the white ceiling above my head. A shock of red hair passed my line of vision. Axel was currently pacing back and forth in the living room in a white wife beater and black flannel pants. His hair was a mess and matted to his face. He let out a loud aggravated sound as he turned the phone off and ran a hand through his hair, tugging at it rather forcefully.

"What the hell are you shouting for?" I mumbled, sitting up.

"Your brother is in Europe. _London_ to be more exact." He answered looking down at the phone then back up at me.

I stared at him blinking again, "_What_?"

"I didn't stutter." He replied, groaning. He picked up the phone again and put it back into its cradle.

"You're joking." I sighed, "For what?"

"Not at all. He went off to go find Riku. Said he had to reaffirm their relationship or something." Axel shrugged, "He couldn't wait until he got back to do it. Sounds like something straight out a trashy romance novel doesn't it?"

I groaned, pressing my right hand against my face to massage it. "This is making my brain hurt …"

Axel picked up his Marlboro's, took one out and lit up. Walking over to the window, he tapped it over the ledge and sighed, "Does your brother think things out before he does stuff?"

"Sora tends not to." I leaned back in the chair. "How long did he say he was going to be gone for?"

"A week at most …" He slouched against the wall, "That leaves us in quite the little predicament doesn't it?"

"…What?"

"Well, what am I going to do with you? I can't let you stay here by yourself at night. Are there any people that you know off the top of your head that you know you can stay with until your brother gets back?" He gestured wildly with his hand.

"Well …" I considered him for a moment, "Cloud's still on vacation, Naminé's in Aspen and my parents are the only option …"

He winced, "I know you wouldn't want to stay with them. Is there** no** one else you can stay with?"

"Ansem?" I tried.

"Mr. Wise? It's a long shot but …hand me the phone." He removed the cigarette from his mouth, holding it steady between two long fingers. I passed him the cordless again and he pressed a few numbers on the phone and put it up to his ear, "Hello? Dr. Telford's office? …This is Axel Ramirez, is he in? He's with a patient but he's finishing up? Alright …no, it's alright, I'll hold."

I shrugged out of the blanket I was currently confined to and stood up. Soro moved in the corner of the room when she saw me get up. Picking up her head, she stretched her body out and toddled after me. I was about to make myself some coffee when I saw that her bowl was empty as was her water bowl.

I rummaged around in cabinets for her dog food while she jumped and whined around me. I poured her some food, and went about making my own coffee. When it was done, I headed back into the living room where Axel was back to pacing the living room again.

"…Sora just upped and left. What do you expect me to do? …Well, no there's no one he can stay with. …Yeah, that's what he said. I don't know …" He looked at me, "What **can** I do? I can't leave him here." He leaned his head back against the couch, "Yeah, but …well …no, he doesn't want …no, actually that's not completely out of the question. I mean, I wouldn't mind, but you would. What? It's not like I'd do anything. He'd be with me, Demyx and Zexion the entire time. …Three people, that's more than enough. …Oh come on, I'm not his professional shrink, I'm his live-in."

Why did I **not** like the way this was sounding?

"I** am** responsible! No …no …yes, that's exactly …oh jeez, look, you want to talk to him? He's right here." Axel looked at me, eyebrows furrowed. "Right, right." He pushed the phone into my hand, "Here, Mr. Wise wants to talk to you."

I sat my coffee down on the coffee table, accepting the phone from Axel. Pressing it to my ear, I spoke, "Ansem?"

"Good morning, Roxas." His gruff voice answered, "How are you this morning?"

"Fine, I guess." I looked at Axel who shrugged.

"Seeing as you are already informed about your current situation, I won't waste time on explaining the details. Listen carefully, Roxas. How apt are you to staying with Axel until your brother comes back?" He cleared his throat, "I have objected strongly to it."

"…I …"

Let's think about this.

Axel can annoy the shit out of me, but …between him and staying with my parents; he would clearly be the better option. I could always avoid his moron roommate, Demyx and I knew Zexion wouldn't bother me too much if at all. Where as at home, my father would be breathing down my neck every five minutes or something worse. I'd barely have anything to say to my mother and Rikku would be the only semi-normal one. …When it came down to it …I had to stay with Axel.

"I'll stay with Axel. I mean, it's only temporary."

"Are you sure?" Ansem asked, "I can arrange for you—"

"No, it's …" I sighed, shaking my head and trying to force my stress level down, "It's fine. I'll manage.

"You're positive then, Roxas?"

"Yes."

"Well, if you have agreed to it, I have no further business here to attend to. If you feel like the situation is too much, you may call me at any time. I know Axel can be a bit …overbearing at times for you."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"I bid you farewell, Roxas. Take care of yourself."

He hung up the phone and I clicked the phone off. When I looked up at Axel he was grinning, "So?"

"I'm staying with you." I stood up, "Don't think this means I like you or anything. I still think you're an idiot. I just don't feel like bothering Ansem for anything."

"Sure, that's what they all say."

"Don't antagonize me." I snapped, hands on my hips, "This whole thing wouldn't even be happening if Sora didn't decide to gallivant off with Riku for God knows how long."

"It's only a week, chill; it'll fly by before you know it."

"Right."

"Well, if it's settled and you're staying with me …" He put his cigarette out in the ash tray at his side. Neither me, nor Sora smoke. But, when Sora found out that Axel did, he had gone out of his way to go find him a small little ash tray for Axel to use when he was over. "I suggest you start packing then." He clasped his hands together like some type of crazed, excited school girl, "We're going to have so much fun, Roxy!"

"Oh, I can hardly wait." I replied sarcastically, my voice void of all emotion.

"Stop being such a stick in the mud and go pack."

I kicked the door open to my room, sighing as I opened up my closet and began pulling an assortment of clothes out to pack. Someone really needed to remind me to kill Sora when he got back.

xXx

By late afternoon, bordering on the early evening, I had packed a sufficient bag that could carry me little over a week and half. Axel was checking everything out around the house to make sure everything was turned off and there were no hazards anywhere. Meanwhile, I was trying to get Soro to get into her carrier, but she was too busy thinking I was trying to play with her to cooperate.

God, this dog was so retarded at times.

Finally, I resorted to just picking her up and shoving her into the cage. I had given up on trying to be gentle with her. She growled at me, which soon subsided to whining when I closed the gate in on her. She pawed at me, whining as I headed over to the other side of my room.

Axel came, standing by the door and swinging a pair of keys around his index finger. "Ready?"

"Just about." I leaned over on my bed, peering behind my pillow for the journal Ansem requested that I write in. Turning around, Axel was still by the door, twirling the keys nonchalantly, "Can you give me a minute?"

"Right, right …" He clutched the keys inside his hand, "Where's the dog?" I nodded off to where Soro was whining in her cage by the foot of my bed. She whined as Axel neared her to pet her head through the cage. "What are you doing?"

"Getting something." I replied, sitting up straight.

"What?"

"None of your business, that's what."

He sighed, "Alright, then. Find your something. I'll be waiting in the front." He picked up the dog cage and Soro squeaked excitedly. "What the hell is this?" He held up a tattered pink piece of terry cloth.

"Her blanket." I answered, "Put it into the cage and **please **make sure she doesn't get out. It takes forever to get her in that thing."

Axel grumbled, unlocking the cage a bit so he could push the cloth in beside Soro. She whined at him as he locked the gate, licking at his fingers. "Sorry love, we'll let you out when we get to my place. Demyx is going to love her …he's obsessed with dogs." He stood back up, stretching his back out. Wandering over to my bed, he made a move to pick up my black duffel.

I turned to look at him, "I suggest you pick that up with two hands."

"This …doesn't even seem …" He instantly nearly fell over from the weight of the bag. Soro's cage dropped in his hands and she squeaked again, whining loudly.

"Heavy?" I rolled my eyes at him, reaching down underneath my mattress. My hand finally hit what I was looking for and I pulled it up out of the crevice of my bed. I unzipped my bag that was still held haphazardly hanging off his shoulder, and stuffed the book between a black thermal and a pair of white socks. I zipped the bag back up, walking around Axel to my closet to get my hoodie, scarf and coat out. I was about to leave the room when he protested loudly.

"Wait a minute! Aren't you going to take anything?"

I looked at him, looked at Soro and shrugged. "Give me the dog."

"You're evil."

"I know." I mumbled, wrapping the scarf around my neck. Soro had stopped whining and I headed out of the room and into the living room. The lights were off and everything was quiet.

Axel followed suit, lugging my duffel behind him. "You have everything, right?"

"Yes."

"So we won't have to come back for anything, right?"

"No."

"Well, alright then." He took out the keys, unlocking the front door.

I headed out first, just as he clicked the light off in the foyer. The door to the elevator opened just as Axel had finished closing the door and checking to make sure it was locked.

"How are we getting downtown?"

"…We're taking my car. Well, it's really Zexion's car, but that's besides the point." He pocketed the keys into his jacket, "You know, because I drive here sometimes?"

I rolled my eyes, "Obviously." Axel just smirked at me, doing nothing else. We quickly hit the bottom floor of the building and I made a move to step out, when Axel held a hand out against my chest. He poked his head out of the elevator, and I frowned. "What's the hold up?"

"Stay back, all right?" He asked and wandered out a bit of the elevator. Placing a hand over the door opening, he motioned with his hand for someone to come toward him.

I poked my head out after him, seeing two bald headed giant men coming our way. I looked up at him, raising an eyebrow, "Bodyguards?"

"There's a bit of trouble outside." He replied, "Paparazzi. You know, what with Sora missing and all."

"Lovely." I replied, groaning.

"I thought so too," He replied, adjusting the duffel as he reached for something in his back pocket, "You must be crazy if you think I'm trying to brave a crowd like that by myself. And I thought crowds like this only really happened in LA." He turned around to look at me, "You have sunglasses don't you?"

"…In the duffel …"

He let it drop gently to the floor, "Get them out." A flash startled me as I heard the door open and loud voices flood into the lobby. Another flash and the bodyguards before us closed in around me, "Come on, we don't have time for stalling,they're getting their pictures and you're wasting time. Get the shades, Rox."

I fumbled around in the bottom of my bag, pulling out a pair of large black shades. Pushing them on, I zipped the duffel back up and held it back up for Axel. He swung it back over his shoulder, motioning for me to follow him. Security was at our sides as soon as we stepped out into the crowd.

It was crazy trying to get out of the building. There had to be a total of at least fifteen or so paparazzi all standing around trying to get a picture of me with Axel. We walked through the crowd, security keeping close to us the entire way until we finally stopped at Zexion's coupe. Axel popped the doors open as soon as we got there, and dropped my duffel into the back seat, and backtracked back to the driver's seat.

When I opened the other door to put Soro's cage, Axel turned around to look at me. "You might want to stick to the back and make sure nothing happens to the dog …you know, so that the cage is secure." He said.

I opened the back door, pushed Soro's cage in between me and the duffel and closed the door behind us. "You can go." I replied.

The body guards walked away from the car, motioning for Axel to go ahead and drive up to where two cop cars were stationed at the end of the street. I buckled up, sinking down into the seat. I cradled an arm around Soro's cage to keep it steady. The minute Axel hit the gas pedal; he hit the brake rather harshly, jerking the car forward so that I nearly choked on the set belt.

The reason? Some crazy ass jumped onto the hood of the car, rolled across it and stumbled onto the floor. A cop quickly forced him to the ground as he pulled away his camera and began to cuff him. God, these people were _insane_.

Axel slammed a hand down on the horn as another idiot jumped in the way of the car. It took them a little while, but the police got a hold of the people so that they were away from the car. Axel leaned forward in his seat, turning the wheel and jetted out into the street. "I'm going to get on the FDR, alright? It's a lot quicker if we take it down directly to my house."

"Where do you live?"

"West 20th street, between 6th and 7th." He grinned at me in the rear view mirror, "In the heart of Chelsea. Surprised?"

"No, it's actually fitting that you live in Gayville."

"As it's completely fitting that you live up in Ritzy Richie Rich Rich Land?" He asked, mirth playing in his voice.

"Blame it on my parents." I shot back, rolling my eyes. I could see Brooklyn coming into view on the other side of the water, and I sighed pressing my face against the glass.

"Tired?"

"Sort of."

"You can go to sleep if you want …" He sighed, "We're in for some heavy traffic right now." He fumbled around with something above his head, and pushed a disc into the tray in front of him.

"Well, obviously. It's rush hour." I unbuckled my seat belt, moved Soro's cage to the floor and leaned over to press my head against the duffel. "Wake me up when we get downtown."

"Roger that."

xXx

It had grown dark since I had last been up. I sat up, yawning deftly into my hand. Turning around to look out of the back window, I saw that we were no longer on the FDR and were currently heading across 23rd toward Broadway. Axel caught sight of me in the rear view mirror, looking up at me briefly, "Why _hello_ sleepy head, aren't you a sight to behold."

"Shut up," I mumbled, rubbing at my eyes and trying to focus. "What time is it?"

"Almost seven."

"…How long were we in traffic for?"

"For as long as you were asleep. It was pretty bad …" He shrugged, "But we're almost there."

I looked at Soro's cage and saw that she quieted down and was currently resting. When she saw me she picked her head up, pushing it against the screen.

"You know, you sleep a lot."

"So I've been told." Ignoring her, I flopped back onto the duffel and pressing my face against its surface.

"Some people would consider that abnormal."

"I'm not normal." I mumbled into my bag.

"No one is." He replied. Stopping at a light he turned around to look at me, a smirk on his face, "You know?"

"Sure." I sighed, rolling over on the duffel, "What the hell are you listening to?"

"Lupe Fiasco." He answered, wiggling the index of his right finger, "Why? Do you want me to change it or something else?"

"You struck me as more of the rock type."

"I listen to everything, my little Sunshine!" He replied, nodding his head. "Rap, hip hop, jazz, rock …" He lowered his voice a little and coughed, "Country …"

"Fascinating."

He hit the gas pedal again, and the car jutted forward. "So, I need to know a few things …"

"What?"

"Saturday's, you go to Ansem, right?"

"Yes." I replied, sighing.

"Anything else I should memorize? Any allergies to anything? I don't want to have you dying on me."

"I don't eat red meat." I replied, "And I'm lactose intolerant so I only drink soy milk."

"Well you're in luck with the soy milk thing. You're in the same boat as Zexion right there." He thought for a moment.

"Hm."

"Well, alright then!" Axel straightened up in his seat, "That's all. You can go back to sleep for a few, we're almost there though."

"Right." I took to resting my head against the duffel, not paying much attention to the outside world. "Did they follow us?"

"I think the police had everything blockaded off or whatever…I'm not sure." He was about to make a turn when he slammed down on the brakes, "Shit."

"What?" I made an attempt to sit up when he turned around, waving his hand down at me.

"Just stay down, alright?"

"Great." I buried my face into the duffel once again and sighed. It wasn't as bad as when we had first left the house. But, we were still moving along slowly and it was definitely touching one of my nerves. "How the hell would they know I was heading to _your_ house? Of all places."

"Guess they _were _following us …I don't know, I was too busy focusing on traffic to actually check to see if we were being followed or anything." He followed the police man that was motioning for him come along. Just as he was about to head on through, a man with a camera jumped in from the left side of the car. He slammed down on the breaks and honked the horn, "What the fuck do you think you're doing, you dumb fuck?" He yelled out the partially cracked window at his side. The man snapped a few shots but was quickly dragged away by a horde of cops. Jesus, do these men even _care_ about their safety?

Once Axel parked the car, security guards surrounded the car to escort us to Axel's building and hold back the crowd that had formed in the area. Axel, once again, took my duffel while I took Soro. I couldn't really see what was going on behind us because the guards were crowding my view. But, I can tell you one thing, it didn't sound pleasant.

"GET BACK! STOP TRYING TO GET THROUGH!"

"Roxas! Roxas! Where's your brother?"

"How are your parents reacting to this news!"

"Roxas! Roxas! Come back, we just want to talk to you!"

"Why are you always with Axel?"

"Why all the secrets, Roxas!"

…Jesus …fucking …Christ.

Axel directed me into the main entrance of the building and away from everyone that was screaming at us. The minute we were in the lobby, Axel jabbed the up button on the elevator, shaking his head. "Sorry." He shrugged.

The elevator came and we entered. He hit the top floor and I sighed, resting my back against the wall behind me. "I can't take this …"

"They'll give up soon enough." He responded.

"Soon is never enough."

He sighed when the elevator opened and chimed. There was some soft thumping coming from the end of the hall to where Axel was walking to. He twirled his keys around his index finger, jabbing it into the door and was about to turn it when he turned around to look at me. "The following things you are about to see may shock and amuse you."

"Or blind me with sheer stupidity." I replied, "Look, it's getting late, just open the door, will you?"

The minute Axel opened the door, I was assaulted with the sounds of blaring techno music. Axel stepped aside to let me through first. He locked the door behind me and then proceeded to drop my duffel down on the floor, "DEMYX!" He yelled.

Demyx, whom I remembered as the moron from Starbucks, was currently playing on what I presumed was DDR hooked up to a PS2. The volume was turned up to deafening levels. "AXEL, YOU'RE HOME!"

"STOP YELLING, DEMYX, AND TURN THAT SHIT DOWN!"

"WHATTTTT?" Demyx yelled back. "TAKE A SHIT ROUND?"

Axel growled, walking over to the PS2 and yanked the cords from the back of the console so that the sound and video cord was hanging limply in his hand. "I said, **TURN IT DOWN**."

"Wahh! What the hell do you think you're doing coming in here and just ripping cords out whatever you feel like? I had a hundred and forty two combo going you ass!" Demyx whined loudly.

"I can **hear** the god damn game all the way out in the hallway. As if the neighbors don't hate us enough, already." He rolled his eyes, "Where's Zexion?

I was getting my jacket off when my foot hit the back of Soro's cage and the thing popped open. Soro instantly jumped out, and started barking at me, "Shut up."

"He stepped out to go get some herbal shit or something …" He waved his arms excitedly, "BUT _DUDE_! Do you **SEE **the crowd that's formed downstairs? It's insane! Who the hell is over here …" He paused, "Did you get a dog while you were out?"

"Actually …" Axel started.

Footsteps echoed over to where I was standing and Demyx appeared around the bend. Demyx looked at Axel, then looked at me, then looked at Axel again and pointed toward me, "What's Roxas doing here?"

"…That's what I wanted to tell you." Axel rubbed the back of his head, "Roxas is staying with us for awhile. His brother went …away for awhile …so he's here until he gets back."

Demyx looked down at Soro, "And you guys brought a _dog?_ You know, Zexion's not going to take this too well. You know how he is with dogs."

"Yeah, well, she's harmless." Axel looked at me, "Right?"

"She's retarded." I replied.

"She's adorable though. You mind if I pet her?" He asked looking up at me, wide eyed.

"Be my guest." I shrugged.

"Awww! Hi, baby!" Demyx instantly leaned down to scratch her behind the ears. Soro stopped barking and instantly gravitated over to Demyx and stated licking his hand. She jumped up onto his lap and he drew back so he could sit on the floor. "Hi! Hiii! Aren't you just the cutest doggy in the whole wide world?"

"Um …" Axel scratched his head, "I'll show you where you're staying." He picked up the duffel, lugging it over his shoulder and directed me past the living room and kitchen to a small side hallway all the way on the other side of the apartment. He cracked the door open a bit, clicking the lights on. He motioned for me to follow him inside.

This was definitely Axel's room.

The walls were a dark shade of sangria, and the carpet was black and covered in clothes, sheets of paper and other various paraphernalia. On the walls hung various plaques of albums, and what I realized was a caricature of what looked like him, Demyx and Zexion. There was a long black mirror hanging from one wall, and a dresser was pushed up right next to it. On the other side a large walk in closet lay open with even more clothes littered around inside of it.

A keyboard was pushed along the length of one side of the room, and a guitar was cradled next to the amplifier. There was a bathroom off to the side of the bedroom. I turned a little bit further and noted that Axel had framed the picture that I had drew of him dying, and it was resting on the table next to his guitar. Lastly, I looked to the bed. It was fairly large, probably bordering on king size. I placed a hand down on the bed, testing it out and found that the sheets were just as I suspected; black silk.

"…Okay, so it's a bit of mess." He bent over to pick a few articles of clothing off of the floor and threw them into his closet and kicked the door shut. "But I wasn't planning on you coming back with me …you know …today and all."

I shrugged, not responding.

"Look, why don't you get settled? I'm going to go call Ansem to let him know we're safe and sound or whatever." He left the room, keeping the door open and walked into the living room. He began shouting out something at Demyx as he swiveled around the corner. I unzipped my duffel and began rummaging around in it until a loud scream broke through the house.

"Why …is there a **dog **in the house?" The voice was bordering on hysterical.

"Shit, Zexion! Calm down!" That was Axel.

"She's harmless, Zex! Aren't you, little baby?" Demyx.

"Rawrrf!"

"I** don't **care what she is, I don't want that thing anywhere near me!"

"But she's …"

"Oh my god, Demyx catch her!"

There was a loud crash and heavy stomping. Soro started barking and a door slammed. I groaned, burying my face into my hands, letting go of my duffel. There was more shouting, crashing and hysterical screaming. I just knew it was going to be one **long** ass week.

xXx

_I was running._

_Running through an endless maze of corridors and pictures, they passed as blurs as I tried to keep up the pace. It was dark, and I couldn't clearly see where I was going. Behind me, heavy footsteps were thudding behind me. I turned another corner of blurs, rushing into darkness once again. The walls were closing in on me the further I ran._

_Something crashed behind me and there was a loud scratching sound ringing in my ears. I ran faster, not paying attention to the direction I was headed or what was in front of me. I collided with the wall, soon being knocked off my feet. Sitting up, I looked above me to see those familiar amber eyes staring back at me. I tried to roll over and get away from him, backing up into the corner. He leaned down to look at me, a small grin on his face._

_ "I hate it when you run away." _

_He stroked the corner of my face, running a long hand under my eye and caressing my skin. Paralyzed, I stared back at him. He drew closer, his arms drawing around me to try and pick me up. As soon as he tried to get close, I tried to push him away with my arms. _

_"Now, now, it's alright." _

"_I don't …" _

_I started, as he tried to pick me up again. I tried to reach for X who had flown out of my arms previously, but he stopped my hand from grasping any further. I looked at the hand, and then up at him. He locked my arms at my sides, hoisting me up into his arms. I struggled, shaking my head._

_ "No. No."_

"_Shhh." _

_He stroked my head, turning around to head to the door behind us._

"_X. Lemme get X." _

_I pleaded, kicking at his stomach. When that didn't work, I bit at his wrist, managing to wriggle one arm free and started to reach over his shoulder at my discarded bear in the hallway. I tried to pull away from him, but his grip only tightened. The door creaked to a close behind us as I tried to reach out for X. _

_"Please! Lemme get X!"_

…_Reach out for anything._

_I couldn't._

"_We don't like naughty boys."_

xXx

_Roxas? …Jesus, It's two in the morning, what's wrong?_

_Get out …_

_What?_

_Get out! Get the fuck out this room, right now! I don't want you here!_

_Woah, woah woah …slow down._

_Shut up! Shut up right now!_

_Can you calm the fuck down? Sheesh. God, what the hell did you do …shit; you nearly chewed yourself down to the bone._

_Get your fucking hands _**OFF **_of me, dammit._

_Stop struggling. Let's go._

_No! Give me X first. I'm not leaving until I …_

…_Roxas, what are you talking about?_

_I hate you. I hate you so fucking much._

xXx

"…What the hell do you think you're doing?"

I was currently sitting up in bed with Axel leaning over my side. He was winding a roll of gauze around my wrist. The light was dim and he looked tired and slightly unfocused. He pressed a few pieces of medical tape firmly to the gauze and looked at me, his eyes narrowed.

"I don't know, maybe you can tell me." Axel answered, agitation laced into his voice. "What was that whole outburst was about earlier?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You were screaming at me to get out of my own room."

What the **hell **was he talking about? "What?" I asked, narrowing my own eyes.

He didn't elaborate anymore, and pushed some sheets aside. "I'm going to go make you some tea to calm your ass down. Don't go anywhere."

I looked at him leave and then turned my attention to my wrist. It stung like a bitch. What the hell was I doing up in the first place? I had been having that flash back and then …I'm right here. What the fuck.

Axel came back a few minutes later, black pajama pants dragging on the floor and yawning. He kicked the door shut with his foot and passed me the steaming cup. "Drink it."

"I'm not—"

"Look, I'm trying to help you get back to sleep. I'm tired, and I want to get back to sleep myself. Would you just drink it?" He stood, arms crossed over his bare chest. I eyed him briefly. Despite looking somewhat emaciated with clothes on, Axel had a somewhat defined muscle structure. I looked at the tea then back at him. I held it underneath my nose to sniff it then looked back at him. "It's herbal or some shit."

I sipped at it cautiously. It wasn't all that sweet but the after taste was less than spectacular. He turned around to walk to the other side of the bed, fluffing the sheets out again. I realized there was something written in dark script between his shoulder blades. "…What does that mean on your back?"

"Onda de Dança chamas," He answered, not turning around to look at me, "Flurry of dancing flames." He kneeled back down on the futon next to the bed. Pulling the sheets back over his head, he mumbled, "When you're done, just put the mug on the night stand, I'm going back to sleep."

I looked down at the mug, and then turned to look at him again. "Axel." I started.

"What?" Came his muffled response.

"What happened?"

He sat up looking at me for a long time, "…You honestly don't know?" I shook my head my head in response. He sighed, turning to look at me and began rubbing his nose. "You woke me up, first off."

"How?"

"You were telling someone, "No, no, no", I think. You were making grabbing motions at nothing in particular. I tried calling out to you, but you only swatted at me further. You know, your kicks hurt, but your punches are way worse."

I coughed, taking a small sip from the cup in front of me.

He pointed at my wrist, "I don't know why, but after I couldn't wake you up, you started chewing on your wrist. You probably would have bit the entire thing off if I hadn't woken up, it was pretty messy. Then you woke up and started yelling and bitching at me. You told me to get the fuck out of my own room and accused me on not letting me get 'X'?"

I paled considerably, sipping at the rest of the tea in the mug.

"Is something wrong?"

"No." I answered quickly. I'm not dealing with this right now.

"Roxas, I've never said this before, but …" He scratched his head, "You do know that part of my job as your live-in is to have someone to talk to and confide in…you know, besides Ansem? I know it's late and all, but if you want to talk about what happened, you can tell me now."

I shook my head, "I don't want to."

"And you don't have to, but I'm just worried that you keeping everything is going to do more harm than good."

"I'm fine."

"If you say so." He replied, laying back on the futon.

I paused, "…Are you going to tell Ansem about what happened here tonight?"

He considered me for a long time, "Do you **want** me to?"

I didn't answer, sipping at my tea, and shifted my view

"…There's something called patient confidentiality, Roxas. It's something I'm sworn to as your live-in. …I report only the surface workings to Ansem. This is in the deep end. Don't worry. Now if you're done with that, go back to sleep."

He turned out the light, and shuffled around in the futon. I set the mug down on the nightstand beside me, looking down at Axel for a few minutes before reclining back to lie on my own pillow. I cuddled the sheets around my body, pressing my face firmly into the pillow as I did.

This is precisely why I thought it was a bad idea to come over here in the first place. I didn't want Axel to see how bad I could get. How badly I was fucked up at times. This isn't what I wanted. I was supposed to be an asshole and drive him away, I wasn't supposed to be civil, I wasn't going to let him in, and he wasn't supposed to **see** these things. He was supposed to see the Roxas like the rest of the public saw. The one people called a cold hearted, acerbic asshole who never let anyone get close. Who always held people at an arms length. How the hell was I going to survive a week with Axel breathing down my neck and watching my every move?

The bricks in the wall were starting to sway …

…And I seriously don't know if I can catch them all when they start to fall.


	8. She's A Handsome Woman

**8; she's a handsome woman**

I woke up the next morning with a throbbing wrist and heavy eyes.

I was on my back, staring up at the ceiling and trying to process where the hell I was. That's right... Axel's room. Sighing, I sat up in bed. I turned to my right, trying to find some source of time. I found an alarm clock resting on Axel's night stand. _9:53 AM. _

I turned back around to survey my surroundings. The door to the room was cracked open a bit and I could hear soft music playing coming from behind it. I pushed myself out of the entanglement of sheets, crawling across the length of the bed. My first destination of the morning would be the bathrom. I flicked on the lights to Axel's bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. Lovely, I had a horrendous case of bed hair.

I sighed as I splashed some water on my face and tried to fix up my appearance to something more presentable. I returned to his room to find Soro was currently sniffing about. As soon as she saw me, she immediately looked at me with her wide eyes, tail wagging frantically. She toddled over to me, jumping around as she always did.

As I shrugged her off, she began to whine at me. Rolling over onto her back, she looked up at me expectantly. She wanted me to scratch her stomach. Sighing, I dropped to my knees so I could rub her stomach gently. She was too spoiled. This was ridiculous. As soon as I stopped, she rolled back over and walked over to the door. She began whining again. She wanted me to follow her.

"Fine, fine, I'll go with you." I mumbled. I neared the door and was about to open it when I heard a voice flooding in from the kitchen.

"_Some people stay far away from the door, if there's a chance of it opening up, they hear a voice in the hall outside …and hope that it just passes by …"_

…Was that Axel?

"_I know you're only protecting yourself, I know you're thinking of somebody else. Someone who hurt you, but I'm not above, making up for the love you've been denying you could ever feel. I'm not above doing anything to restore your faith if I can…"_

That couldn't have been Axel …

I opened the bedroom door with Soro following hurriedly at my feet. As I walked down the hallway to the kitchen, his voice only grew louder.

"_Some people see through the eyes of the old, before they ever get a look at the young. I'm only willing to hear you cry because I am an innocent man. I am an innocent man! Oh, yes I am!"_

Axel was swiveling around the kitchen, a black hoodie pulled over his head. He was messing around with the stove, singing along with the background track playing from the stereo. When he saw me, he instantly pressed pause on the stereo, stopping the music. "Morning, Roxy! How are ya?"

"Fine," I asked, stopping by the corner. "…What are you doing?"

"Making breakfast, you silly goose." He turned to me, "Ever had mangu?"

"Um, no?" I replied, "What is it?"

"Traditionally, it's a Dominican dish …though I think its spread to a lot of Spanish countries in the Caribbean. It's got, mashed plantains, salt, pepper and …and some other stuff in it. Trust me, it's good. Sit down, I'm almost done." He tapped his chin in thought, "I'm surprised Demyx hasn't smelled it yet. He can't get enough of this stuff whenever I cook it."

"And you learned how to cook this from whom?"

"My grandmother. She used to make it for me all the time back in Portugal. She was Dominican." He answered, peering into the pot.

"I thought you said you were Portuguese and Ecuadorian?"

"Predominately, yes …" He grinned, "But I've got some Dominican and French in me on my father's side, and then …on my mother's side I've some Brazilian in me somewhere." Axel shrugged, "I'm a bit of a mutt, really."

"…How the hell did you end up with flaming red hair?"

"Genetics are strange, aren't they?" He grinned. He wiped his hands on his pants, and cocked his head to the side, "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"What's your family background?"

"We've had this conversation before." I replied, narrowing my eyes.

"Actually, it was more of a guessing game, Roxas." He egged on, wiping the counter down with a towel. "Telllll meeee."

"No."

"Pleaseeeee."

"…You're not going to leave this alone, are you?" I sighed.

"Probably not." He gave me a cheeky grin, placing the towel over the sink rack.

Nonchalantly I started to count off on my fingers, "Japanese, Egyptian—"

"Seriously?" He asked, eyebrows rising.

"My grandmother," I started, "She was half Japanese, half Egyptian."

"Interesting combination." He was rummaging around in the top cabinets now, "What else?"

"Welsh, British, Russian."

"Guess your genetics are screwy too, hm?"

"Guess so." I tapped my fingers on the counter, "Were you singing earlier?"

"Sorry, is that why you're up so early? I didn't wake you up, did I?" He scratched his head, "I …kinda got into the song and started singing along with it …didn't realize I was **that **loud."

"Not really. What were you singing?"

"An Innocent Man by Billy Joel, ever heard of it?" I shook my head as he drew two bowls down from the cabinets. He placed both of them down by the stove, "No? Well …" He cleared his throat, picked up the remote on the side of the stove and pressed play.

_Some people say they will never believe, another promise they hear in the dark. Because they only remember too well …they heard somebody tell them before...  
_

He placed a bowl in front of me with a spoon jabbed into the center. There was a small amount on the base of the bowl, "Tell me if you like it first."

I looked down at the bowl and swiveled the contents around. I stuck the spoon in my mouth, sucking on it for a moment to get a taste for the food. It was good. Really good, actually. So Axel could actually cook …and _well_ at that.

_I know you don't want to hear what I say, I know you're gonna keep turning away. But I've been there and if I can survive, I can keep you alive; I'm not above going through it again. I'm not above being cool for a while; if you're cruel to me I'll understand._

He grinned widely, "You like it?"

I shrugged, "It's okay."

"I knew you'd like it." He took the bowl away from me, filling it up with some more and pushed it over toward me again, "Bon appetite." He stuck a spoon into his own bowl and started eating.

_Some people run from a possible fight, some people figure they can never win. And although this is a fight I can lose …the accused is an innocent man. I am an innocent man, oh; yes I am …an innocent man._

Soro came jingling over to Axel, pawing at his legs and whining. "I already **fed **you, love. No, you're not getting any of my food." He stood back up, "Your dog is going to get fat if I feed her any more of this …"

"Technically, she's **Sora's** dog, I just get saddled into taking care of her all the time." I looked down at Soro who stalked away from Axel to peer at me. I kicked a stray foot against the base of the bar, "Where's Zexion and your idiot sidekick?"

"Dem's still sleeping. He **was **out pretty late last night…" He started thoughtfully, shaking his head, "Zexion went out earlier this morning. You know …he does his grandpa walks or whatever it is he does at this time in the morning."

"Hm …"

"Why?" He smirked, "Are you getting that tired of my company?"

"Yes."

"Oh, Roxy…your words burn my soul." He laid his bowl on the counter, taking the pan over to the counter to rake out the rest of the mangu into a bowl. Afterwards, he threw the pan over into the sink, "So, what do you wanna do today?"

I shrugged, swiveling the contents of my food around in the bowl before me. I stuck my spoon in the middle, resting my head against the top of the bar. A loud yawn, groan, and the tired shuffle of feet behind me alerted us that Demyx had finally woken up and was making his way over to us.

_You know you only hurt yourself out of spite. I guess you'd rather be a martyr tonight. That's your decision …but I'm not below anybody I know, if there's a chance of resurrecting a love. I'm not above going back to the start to find out where the heartache began...  
_

"Nice of you to join the land of the living, oh dead one." Axel started, reclining against the counter.

Demyx shuffled his feet along the wooden floors, inhaling pathetically as he turned his bleary aqua blue eyes to gaze up at Axel. "I smelt food." He mumbled nearly inaudibly, "…What'd you make?"

"Mangu." Axel answered.

He waved a hand at me as he moved past my chair and headed into the kitchen, "Where'd you put it at?"

"In the fridge, I didn't count on you waking up for quite some time. Just …when did you get in last night?" Axel asked, dropping his own bowl into the sink and running some water in it.

"…I have no clue." Demyx scratched his head, "I can remember …a drag queen, though. Lot's and lot's of drag queens and make up. And maybe a pimp. I don't know. I was really smashed up. I know I had fun though."

"Sounds like a normal night for you, then." Axel commented.

Cracking open the refrigerator, Demyx let out a low sigh, "Sheesh, man we needa go shopping. All we have in here is a …rotten tomato and some expired milk …" He turned to look at Axel, "What the hell did you use to cook breakfast?"

"I went out earlier today actually to get the ingredients when I saw the spectacular state the fridge was in. …I was planning on heading back out to the store after I finished cooking you guys breakfast …but Roxy here woke up and I entertained him for a bit." He turned to wink at me. "I'm going to go take a shower, so do me a favor. Make a list of what we need."

"Why don't we just …you know …order from that site or whatever?" Demyx asked, following Axel out of the kitchen.

"Because …we need food **now**." Axel replied. Turning to me, he leaned forward, "Roxy, wanna go grocery shopping with me?"

"…Not particularly." I replied, shoving the last bit of food into my mouth. Why would I even try to put up a fight?

"Great, you're coming." Axel was already half way out of the kitchen when he placed a hand on the wall, "Demyx, make me a list of what you want, and call up Zexion for me and see what he wants. Oh, and let Roxas add something to the list if he wants something too." He disappeared behind the wall, the door to his bedroom closed softly.

"If only he'd let us order the god damn …" Demyx groaned. Despairingly, he looked back at the fridge, drawing the bowl of leftover mangu out and dumped it onto a plate. After he had heated it up and was about to eat some, Soro came over to his side, looking up at him and whining, "Hey, baby! Did you miss Uncle Demy last night? Awww, are your Master and Uncie Axel ignoring you? You want some mangu, baby? Here you go!"

…Demyx could very well kill this dog before my stay here even ended.

xXx

"Why are we taking a car if we're just going to go get groceries? Hello, this is Manhattan; there are tons of grocery stores around here." I began, crossing my arms over my chest.

Axel had currently leading me away from his house and into an underground garage on the other side of the street. "Because we're not going to a grocery store in Manhattan. We're taking a little ride, Roxy. Chill out, okay?" He answered.

The crowd from before wasn't as bad as it had been the other day. There were a few paparazzi around that we could deal with, but it didn't make it any less annoying being followed as we were. Axel waved to the valet as soon as we headed into the garage. The valet instantly walked over to us and took the keys Axel held in his hand and disappeared around the corner. A few minutes later, a gleaming black Porsche cut the corner and the valet got out and handed the cars back to Axel.

He turned to look at me, "Well, get in."

"Who's car is this?" I asked, looking at him as he popped the driver's side open.

Axel looked up at me before he got in and smirked, "Mine."

"I thought you didn't _have _a car?" I countered, narrowing my eyes at him as I got into the passenger's side.

"Well ..." He started, looking skywards as if to prolong the answer to my question.

I rolled my eyes, "Just start the god damn car, retard."

He pushed the key into the ignition, turning the car on. As soon as the car came to life, Britney Spears's voice infiltrated the silence that surrounded us. Axel quickly pressed the off button and turned the radio on, looking a bit embarrassed.

I looked at him, raising an eyebrow, "Britney Spears?"

"It's Dem's." He quickly answered, putting the car in drive again and pulling out of the garage.

"…Right." I sunk into my seat, looking out of the window as we passed out of the garage and onto the main street. The few men that were following us from before were there to take pictures of us leaving, but besides that we got out onto the street with ease.

I pressed my face against the window, watching us fly up Sixth Ave and out of Manhattan. I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew, the car had stopped moving. We were in a large parking lot with a super market in the distance. Axel tapped my shoulder gently in an attempt to wake me up and I glanced blearily at him. I reclined, letting the belt strap unwrap from the front of my body and got out of the car. When we got inside, Axel went off to get a cart, and I followed behind him.

He handed me the list, "What's first on the list?"

"Bread." I replied, scaling the long list of paper.

"Let's see …bread …bread …aisle three. Let's go, Roxy."

He pushed the cart forward, down the aisle as I trailed behind him. We continued on in the same pattern. As I read off foods on the list, Axel would go off and find what he needed. There came a point where we diverted from our usual operation and he asked me to go get some bananas while he was waiting for the butcher to finishing chopping up some meat.

Did I get a surprise when I arrived at the fruit aisle.

"Roxas?" A soft voice resounded behind me. I turned to look over my shoulder and nearly did a double take when I saw who was behind me.

It was Olette. Olette Tilmitt. Olette hadn't changed much over the years; her brown hair was still cut in that weird fashion she had always worn it in, and she still seemed to favor pastel colors. She was holding a few oranges in her hands, poised between her thumb and index fingers.

She smiled softly when I looked up at her. "Roxas! It **is **you …I didn't think …" She paused, "Just …it's been so long."

"…Olette?" I asked, blinking, "What are you doing here?"

"**Roxas**?"

We both turned around to see Pence standing behind Olette, a basket swinging off his arm. Pence was still slightly heavy set but he looked like he had lost a bit of weight since I had last seen him. He was sporting his usual pineapple hair style. He stared at me for a moment and then nearly jumped in surprise, "Is that really you?"

Really? Was he seriously asking me that? I don't see anyone else standing around here named Roxas.

Olette slapped him on the arm to stop him from gawking, and grinned at me, "Roxas, how have you been?"

I shrugged, "Better."

She grinned, "What are you up to now? I mean what are you doing here?"

I held up a bunch of banana's I happened to be holding in my hand, "Shopping."

"I see." She laughed, turning around, "Oh, Pence …can you do me a favor and run to the cans aisle? I think I saw some canned peaches back there." Pence was off in a hurry while Olette turned back to me, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "I've been wondering about you ever since …well, I heard they admitted you to the hospital last summer." She took a deep breath, "I'm so happy to see you're okay though. …Things have been pretty rough for all of us in these past two years. Well since …you know …what happened with Hayner and all."

For the love of God …please don't bring him up. I didn't want to hear about him. I looked away from her gaze and she instantly regretted what she said, her hands flying to her mouth.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to bring him up." She turned to look up at me.

"It's fine." I answered, looking away from her.

She looked around. Her body language was screaming out to me that she was growing more uncomfortable by the minute. "Pence and I got a place down in Soho and we've been there for awhile… are you …still living with your brother, Cloud?" She asked as she began dropping oranges into a plastic bag.

I shook my head, "No, I'm living with Sora now. We have a place on the Upper East side."

"Sora …" Olette mused, "How is he?"

I was about to answer when a cart rolled up beside me and Axel appeared at my side, "Hey, did you get the bananas?" He asked. "Oh, am I interrupting something?"

"Olette, don't mind the idiot behind me." I started, rolling my eyes at Axel.

"Now, now, come on Roxy, introduce me properly." He folded his arms, waiting for me to introduce him. "Think of it as …real life skills. You know, introducing people to others, introducing yourself to others. That sort of thing."

"Olette, this is me." I replied, putting the bananas into the cart.

"I…know who you are," Olette smiled completely disregarding what I had just said; "You're Axel... Axel Ramirez. So …you've been keeping Roxas company, hm?" She laughed, "Excuse me, my name's Olette. Olette Tilmitt." She extended her hand to shake his and grinned. Afterwards she turned back to me "Well, Roxas, I don't want to keep you too long and …I …have to get going, you know …to check on Pence and all. Um …here, let me give you my number so we can keep in touch." She ripped off a piece of paper that she was holding and scribbled something down quick fast. She pressed the paper into my hand. "Mine's up top, see, and Pence's is down here. Call me sometime …maybe we can do something together soon, hm?"

"Sure …" I murmured.

She smiled, "Well then …I guess I'll see you later then. Good luck with everything, Roxas and take care of yourself, okay?" She was off down the aisle, running over to catch up with Pence who was coming back around at the end, gesturing wildly with his hands. He pointed at the can that he was waving around and Olette laughed.

Axel came up behind me, pressing down on the cart and turned to me. "Old girlfriend?" Axel asked, grinning at me.

I ignored him, walking down the aisle in front of the cart. I pushed a jar of pickles into the almost overflowing mess of food before me and turned around to start walking down the aisle again.

He grinned, "Look, I think I got just about everything. Why don't you say we pay and get this stuff back downtown?" He pushed the cart by me, nodding his head off to the direction of the check out registers. I looked down at the numbers Olette had scrawled down on the paper, pocketed it and slowly followed after Axel.

xXx

"_Bubbles!" Sora splashed me in the face, as he patted the water in the tub we currently resided in. He smiled at me, pushing some of the soap bubbles my way. He grabbed a floating rubber ducky, and sped it by his front half, turning around in the tub. My mother had the both of us in the tub and was currently talking to someone on the phone._

"_Oh, that was Sora. I'm giving the two a bath." She paused, "Sora and Roxas! My two little boys. Oh, no, well, the twins …the twins! What is with this phone?" She drew back, looking at the phone and saw that it was in fact dying. Sighing, she placed it on the sink and leaned forward, "I'll guess I'll just have to call them back, hm, boys?"_

_Sora splashed water up into my face, and I held up my hands in an attempt to stop it from flying in my eyes, "Stop it!" _

_My mother leaned forward, "Roxas, sweetie …what's that on your wrist?" She held up my right wrist, turning it around and blinked. She tapped on the bruised part on the top half, causing me to flinch, _

_"How did you get this?" _

_I looked up at her …_

xXx

Staying at Axel's house wasn't as bad as I thought. Granted, being around Axel twenty four seven was already taxing to begin with, but I was learning to deal. The insanity of the press was still lingering outside for me, but they were getting nothing. Rumors were flying every which way and honestly, and I really did nothing to douse them.

After what seemed like forever, I finally got a call from Sora at six in the morning on Saturday. Brilliant as Sora is, math was never his forte. He seemed to have conveniently forgotten that **London **is ahead of **New York City** by **five **hours.

Imagine Axel's face that morning when the phone went ringing and Soro started barking and very well woke up the entire loft. He looked simply murderous, after handing me the phone and cursing with what I gathered was Portuguese. So Axel clearly wasn't a morning person. When I pushed the phone against my ear and asked who it was, I was greeted by Sora's nonsensical, cheery voice.

"Roxas!" He yelled, causing me to hold the phone away from my already damaged ear drums, "Good morning! I'm not …calling too early am I? What time is it in the city?"

"…Sora, its six o'clock in the morning." I mumbled. I glanced at Axel who was sprawled out over the futon, his back rising and falling slowly. Rolling out of bed, I traversed the length of the room, heading over to the bathroom to shut the door.

"…Oh …really?" Sora laughed nervously, "Oops …"

"Five hour difference. Remember that next time." I sighed into the phone shaking my head.

"Well …yeah, okay." He hummed for a moment, "I'm sorry I didn't call sooner. I've been so wrapped up in so many things though. I hope the press over there isn't giving you a hard time. How've you been?"

"Absolutely stupendous. Oh, they're simply respecting every ounce of our privacy. You know, they'd never do that."

"…I can sense you're being sarcastic right about now." He replied. "I know …I know, I was completely irresponsible about what I did. But, you know, I'm young and stupid. That sort of thing. I understand that you're staying with Axel now, is that right? Ansem let you do it?"

"He objected strongly at first …but …" I paused. "Well, here I am."

"Mm …" Sora paused, "Well, I don't want to keep you long. I don't want Riku to get charged too much for this call. So, um, I'll see you in about a few more days, okay? Take care of yourself and listen to Axel and all that good junk. …Oh, how's my baby?"

"…She's …" I paused again, "…Getting …fat."

"Are you taking care of her correctly?"

"No, but Demyx is."

"Who's …argh, look, I'll call you later. You better be treating little Soro alright, you hear me? Or when I come back …I'll …I'll inflict something terrible and horrible on you!"

"Oh …I'm shaking in fear." I deadpanned.

"…You better be." He laughed, "I'll call you sometime before I head home…and I'll keep in mind the five hour difference. Bye, Roxas!"

I looked at the phone, opened the door to the bathroom and peaked out to find Axel had finally fallen asleep. I traversed the length of his room to put the phone in the cradle over on his desk. I turned around to head back to Axel's bed, got back underneath the sheets and closed my eyes.

xXx

"_Roxas … Roxas!"_

_His footsteps creaked by the door that I had currently looked myself in. The door thumped heavily, and opened slowly. He was standing right in front of me smiling. "There you are little Roxas. What have I told you about running away from Uncle Xemnas? That's bad …you don't want to be a little bad boy, do you?" _

_He moved to grab at my arm, as I retreated against the back of the closet. Just as he was about to latch onto my arm, I lunged away from him, running out of the closet and down the hallway. He wasn't that far behind me, I was sure, but I didn't dare look back._

"_Roxas! Don't run away now …"_

_I took a brief look over my shoulder at him and found that he wasn't too far behind me. Not paying attention to where I was going, I tripped over a small elevation in the ground and found myself connecting face first with the stairs. I began rolling down the soft carpet until I hit the floor and was staring up at the ceiling above me. A hot searing pain shot throughout my right arm, and I found myself crying out in pain …_

_My mother promptly came out of the kitchen, a glass in her hand, "Roxas! What are you doing?" I drew away from her grasp, or tried to when she reached forward to gather me in her arms. I let out earth shattering cry when she touched my arm, and buried my face against her neck, "What's wrong, honey?"_

_Xemnas appeared at the top of the stairs, his hands on hips as he descended the stairs, "Sabel …I would find it highly susceptible that he broke his arm …"_

"_Well how did he do that?" My mother asked, as she attempted to stop my cries. "Shh, shh …baby, it's alright. It's okay …"_

"_Why, I saw him running for the stairs just now. I was trying to stop him but he …"_

"_Roxas! What have I told you about running around in the house, sweetie? Don't you know that this type of thing can happen?" She sighed heavily, pressing my face into her shoulder and cradling the back of my head, "Oh, Xemnas, would you be a dear and call the doctor for me?"_

"_My pleasure," He bowed, cast an eye on me and went to go get the phone for my mother._

xXx

"…What are you doing in my closet?"

I looked up to find Axel in the door of his double door walk in closet, hands on his hips. He was already dressed in a pair of skinny jeans, a grey sweater with a towel draped around his shoulders.

"Roxas?"

Curling up further, I pressed my face into my knees, "Axel, please. Can you go away for a few minutes?"

"…Are you alright?"

"…Please, just go away." I pleaded with him.

He scratched his head, and shrugged, "Well, all right. But, get dressed soon. I gotta take you over to Mr. Wise's office. It's almost nine."

I nodded mutely and he disappeared from view. I didn't even remember going inside Axel's closet to begin with, so how the hell did I even get in here? Falling over onto my side, I pressed my face against the soft carpeted floor, trying to gain my bearings. These holes and loops in my memory were really starting to scare me. And this wasn't the first time this had happened.

I finally willed myself to get up and threw on a black hoodie, dark blue pants and scuffed converse. I stumbled my way out of Axel's room to find him seated at the kitchen counter writing something down on a pad of paper.

He looked up at me, "You look a little out of it. Want me to make you something to eat before we leave?"

I shook my head, "No, just …just get me to Ansem."

"Are you—"

"I said I'm fine, dammit! Now get me to the fucking car already!" I yelled, shaking my head.

He regarded me for a moment, before turning around without saying a word and headed off to the door. I followed him out the door and to the elevator where the two of us stood in silence. Axel looked like he wanted to say something, but he probably knew trying to talk to me would just end in failure …or possibly something worse. We walked and entered Zexion's car in silence and started to head uptown to Ansem's office. Ansem was already in his office when I arrived. I left Axel at the door and let myself in.

Ansem looked up at me and instructed me to sit on the couch opposite him, "Roxas." He began, "How have you been? It seems like it's been quite some time since I've last seen you." He clasped his hands together, leaning forward when I did not reply, "You seem …"

"Agitated? Out of my mind? Frantic? Shook up? Worried? Worked-up? What? You wanna take your pick, Ansem? Because I'm going out of my fucking mind right at this moment!" I shouted, standing up. "I can't remember a god damn thing about what's happening anymore! I keep on having these god damn flashbacks …and …and I …" I leaned forward, moaning lowly as I attempted to get a grip on my emotions.

Ansem, however, seemed unperturbed. "…So they've gotten worse …"

"Of course they've gotten worse!" I yelled, pressing my face into a lone hand as I sat back down on the chair.

"So, you are experiencing …"

"Experiencing, **what**, Ansem? A god damn psychotic break? As if I weren't crazy enough already, I have to go through one of those episodes again?"

"…It's part of the healing process, Roxas. I saw it coming, yet, I never predicted it would be this soon. We might have to start meeting more than once a week." He paused, "You may feel as if this is a bit personal … but if you don't mind my asking …"

"What don't you know about me?"

"We ourselves don't know everything there is to know about who or what we are." He replied. "These flashbacks. Could you recall them at will? Perhaps, did you remember them without having to see the flashbacks?"

"…What?"

"Let me clarify myself …" he cleared his throat, "Before these flashbacks started. Could you recall these memories you are seeing on a whim? For instance, you have a memory of eating an ice cream cone given to you by a grandparent. Would something in your mind have to trigger that memory for you to remember it? Or would you be able to remember it without the help of another source?"

"…I didn't even know half of that stuff happened to me, if that's what you're asking." I replied, shaking my head.

"…How do you …feel about it?"

"How the **fuck **do you **think **I feel, Ansem?" I seethed, still trying to control my unsteady breathing. Of all of the stupid questions …

He wrote something down on the pad in front of him, completely undeterred from my previous outburst. "…Listen to me, Roxas. I'm …going to see how this plays out. I don't want to prescribe you anything as of yet. I am however going to ask that before you go to bed at night, that you drink some chamomile tea. It's calming …and may attribute to a better night's sleep than the ones you are already experiencing." He stroked his chin, "Take to writing your emotions, thoughts and feelings in your journal, also. It may provide useful for you as a means of reflection."

I pressed my face into my folded arms, "Ansem …prescribe me something. For the love of God, give me **anything **that'll make this shit stop."

"I would …" Ansem began, "But, I don't think your liver is in any condition to take any more sort of abuse than it has already endured. With the amount of prescriptions that you were on previously and with everything that has transpired …I don't believe it would be beneficial to put you on anything as of yet."

"Ansem …" I tried again, "I'm sick of this. I want to kill him for what he did to me …"

"While you may not be able to fix what happened in the past …perhaps in the future, justice will finally be found."

"You've been following the case?" I asked, not meeting his gaze.

"Court dates have been set."

The room grew silent as neither I nor Ansem responded. I gripped at my pants leg, my breathing slowing down finally, "…What do you think the verdict will be?"

"If all goes well …guilty."

"…It'll never happen. He'll buy out the courts."

"Faith—"

"Please, Ansem, don't start with that again. I don't want to hear it …I don't …I don't …" I stopped, shaking my head, "I shouldn't be taking this out on you like this."

"You're frustrated, it's understandable." He replied.

Ansem, always was the one to find rationalization in everything that I did. Hell, it was his job. He was my shrink after all. I rubbed at my left eye, sighing heavily. "I'm beyond frustrated. I'm a mess."

"It's healthy to feel emotions, Roxas. I've been telling you that since you were a child." He folded his hands, "We humans …men, especially, believe that they must be strong. Never showing weakness. Never crying, or displaying an emotion that may show them to be …weak, so to speak. In actuality, keeping things locked up forever is the unhealthiest thing that a person can do."

"I know that." I replied, "Words and actions are two different things."

"Perhaps …I shall assign a bit of work for you until next we meet?"

"…Ansem, what are you going to make me do?" I was getting tired of this …

"During sometime over the course of this week, I want you to talk to someone about how you are feeling." He replied.

"I do that already."

"Ah, telling someone you are …_fine _or …_okay _does not constitute as telling someone how you feel. For instance, tell someone you are …happy because you finished a rather good book. Or you are feeling mad because …well …something you do not approve of happened."

"…You're not really making me do this, are you?"

"Indeed I am." He replied, a small smile coming to his face, "I will inform Axel of this exercise as well. Which brings me to this question, how are things with you and Axel?"

"They're …" I looked at him, when he gave me a disapproving look. My eyes darkened as I glared at him, "They're …absolutely _exhilarating_. Why, I feel myself growing more and more attached to Axel every day."

"Your sarcasm is kindly noted." He looked to the clock, "I fear we may have to end our session now. Roxas, do take care of yourself. Axel has my number should you need to call me for anything. Don't hesitate to utilize it."

I looked at him, lingering by the door. I met his gaze briefly, before letting myself out into the reception room to have Axel take me back to his apartment.

Axel immediately stood up and looked anxiously from me to Ansem who was following me out of his office. "He'll be fine, do not worry." Ansem replied, meeting Axel's somewhat worried gaze, "He has a project for you. A little bit of an exercise of my own, if you will. I'll be sending you a small note about what it's about later. As of now, let him rest …" He turned to me, "I will see you next week, Roxas."

As the door closed and Ansem disappeared, Axel looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I shook my head, heading over to the elevator and pressed the down button. If there was one thing Ansem was always able to do for me, it was pick me back up and try to put me back on solid ground.

…And you know what? I was thankful for that.


	9. High Life

**9; high life**

Okay, so I was starting to fall apart. I could deal with this. Or maybe I couldn't. I don't know. Ansem said this was going to be a gradual thing, so I wasn't going to lose it anytime soon. But still I …I didn't like how this was going. After we returned from Ansem's office, I found myself in a slight daze for the rest of the day. I managed to fall asleep sometime later, and was awakened by Axel. He was currently sitting by my side, his figure illuminated by the dim light he had turned on beside him.

"Hey," He spoke softly, shaking my arm gently, "Sorry for waking you up, but I need to ask you a quick question. Its... Zexion's birthday today and we were planning on going out and celebrating it. I know you're not exactly in the best of moods today and I'm not going to drag you anywhere you don't feel like going …and well …"

"You're rambling." I mumbled, not meeting his gaze.

He rubbed the back of his head. "Long story short, do you want to go out with us? I mean, if you don't I'll stay here with you. Obviously I have to stay with you and …"

I sat up, "I'm fine." I turned around, rubbing my eyes. I inhaled loudly, blinking to adjust my vision, "What time is it?"

"Going on seven." He replied, drawing his legs up onto the bed. "We had reservations for eight. If you want to go, get yourself ready or whatever and come out to the living room when you're ready." Easing off the bed, he lingered for a few seconds and turned around to leave the room.

I went into the bathroom to fix up my bed ridden hair. I don't think I've changed that much since I had been in the hospital. Granted, my face looked a bit fuller, but the bags under my eyes had remained. My eyes were still rather dull and my hair hadn't regained that normal shine it used to have. Sighing, I gripped the edges of the sink basin and shook my head. I pushed open the door to the bathroom, heading out of Axel's room and down the hallway into the living room.

"Tila Tequila is such a skank man," Demyx threw his arms up, reclining on the sofa, "…But, like, she's so hot at the same time, so I really can't complain, can I? Like, dude, Asians are so hot. But so are Spanish. What do you think of bisexual girls, huh, Zex? I'd totally show a smoking one what I could do … to her ... for like ...a day. Then she'd tell me she wasn't into chicks anymore, and I totally wouldn't be down with that, you know? I _want _her to like chicks. More hot lesbian action for me."

"I don't even know what type of answer to give that wonderfully articulate statement." Zexion commented, not looking up from the book he was reading.

"You get what I'm saying!" Demyx protested, shooting up.

"Dem, could you possibly find another word to describe a girl other than hot?" Axel asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I said smoking earlier." Demyx protested. "Let's see, there's cute, pretty …hot …" He rubbed his head, looking in vain at Axel who rolled his eyes in return.

"Delightful, charming, alluring, appealing, dainty," Zexion kicked in, "…Pulchritudinous …"

"…Pulwhattoonuts?" Demyx asked, raising his eyebrows obviously confused, "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means physically beautiful …" I interjected, crossing my arms over my chest. Demyx and Axel looked up to see me standing over by the bar, "Or comely. Whichever you prefer."

Demyx snickered, "You said come."

I rolled my eyes at his childish jibe.

"Thank you." Zexion muttered, shaking his head. He closed his book, slipped his glasses off, and pushed them down on the coffee table in front of us. He turned to look at the other two on the couch, "I do believe we should get going seeing as Roxas is ready."

"Where are we going anyway?" Demyx asked, standing up.

"Haru's." Zexion replied.

"But isn't that over in Times Square?"

"Yes, but we're going to the one over on Park. I have a feeling you and Axel will be somewhat inebriated by the end of the night and I refuse to babysit the two of you on my birthday."

"No we won't!" Demyx protested. "And it's colddd! Come on Zexy, let's just head uptown and catch a cab or something!"

"Jesus, Dem, stop being a lazy fuck." Axel stood up, hands on his hips. "And I'm responsible! Right, Roxy?"

"Sure." I replied.

Zexion didn't bother to offer refuting my statement. He waved a hand nonchalantly, reaching for his coat that had been resting on the back of the couch. Axel and Demyx followed right behind him with Axel getting his jacket from off a bar seat and Demyx running off to his room to get his jacket. With all of us ready, we left the apartment, heading for the lobby.

For once we weren't greeted by a huge mass of paparazzi, but a relatively small group that weren't really much of a bother. I stayed close to Axel who was whistling to himself; while Demyx was chattering about nothing in particular to Zexion who didn't seem to be listening to him prattle on. However, we did pass by numerous fan girls who just couldn't seem to get enough of Zexion.

We arrived shortly at Haru's and were quickly ushered in past the crowd of people that were waiting outside of the restaurant. We sat at a secluded table away from prying eyes, in one of the back corners of the restaurant. A server delivered a steaming basket of white towels after we were seated.

"What …the hell do you do with these?" Demyx asked as he raised a white towel to his face, when Zexion grabbed his hand and shook his head.

"Don't."

"Why not?" Demyx asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because it doesn't go on your face. You use it for your hands." He released his grip on Demyx, turning to his own towel to pat down his hands.

Axel picked up his menu browsing slowly, "Are we getting appetizers?"

"I don't know, are we?" Demyx responded.

"If we are …I think I might want to get the beef negimaki. I'm not sure though." Axel closed the menu on his thumb, looking down at me, "What are you getting, Roxas?"

"Edamame." I answered, settling my menu down.

"Ew, soybeans …" Demyx blanched sticking his tongue out.

I rolled my eyes at him, muttering under my breath, "I'm not trying to clog my arteries, thank you …"

Axel laughed, picking his menu back up, "…You know what? I think I might get some edamame too."

"Have you even had it before?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"No, but I've drank soy milk before …figure eating soy beans can't be too different, can it?"

"Whatever …" I looked out of the window at my side, gazing out into street. The ambiance of the restaurant was nice. There were softly dimmed lights hanging overhead, and there were an overabundance of candles burning. In the middle of the restaurant was a large booth where they prepared the sushi, and there was a second level seating area overhead.

A server came up to take our orders for drinks, appetizers and main courses and left within a few minutes. Demyx was going on rather loudly, about something I wasn't paying attention to. Axel was trying to stifle his laughter and Zexion poured himself a small glass of the plum sake he and Demyx had ordered.

Demyx was already on his third drink of sake—(he had gotten some drink off the menu that gave you a sampler of four different types)—when he turned to me and said, "How about a drink, eh, Roxas?"

"He doesn't drink," Axel interjected, looking at me, "Besides, Roxy's underage and keeps under strict adherence with the law."

"…How old are you?" Demyx asked, raising one blonde eyebrow.

"Immortal." I replied, rolling my eyes skyward.

"Seriously?" Demyx's eyes went huge, "Shit, man! You never told me that you were totting around a god damn vampire or some shit."

"Nineteen." Axel answered for me again, shaking his head. "He's not a vampire, Dem."

"Bout to say …that's some freaky shit right there, man." Demyx groaned, "Man, when's the food going to be here? I'm starving."

"Patience." Zexion replied, taking another sip of his sake. He sat the glass down and checked his watch. He pushed his sleeve back down before picking his glass back up and turned to look at the television hovering over the bar.

I realized Axel hadn't had a drink that entire night, and was currently fiddling with the straw to his water between his teeth. Out of the corner of my eye I saw our server coming back to our table with our appetizers. I picked off the glass cover covering the edamame and started cracking open the pods to the soy beans.

"…Hey, these are actually pretty good, Roxy." Axel said, turning to me.

"Lemme try one?" Demyx asked reaching over the table to pluck a few out of Axel's bowl.

"Demyx, get your own!" Axel whined, swatting his hand away.

"Ha, sorry. Didn't order them." Demyx cracked a pod open, pushing a few beans into his mouth, "…It's …a bit salty. Ew, these are …ugh …"

"That'll teach you to eat from other people's plates, hm, Demyx?

"Shut up," Demyx blanched, shoving some of his tempura into his mouth, "Zexxxyy! What did you order as an appetizer?"

"Edamame." Zexion answered, casting a sideways glance at Demyx.

"Jesus! Did all of you order the same thing?" Demyx groaned. "Fine then, I'll just eat my tempura and all of you can eat your boring soy beans."

When we were done, the server came back to take away the appetizers and told us that he'd be back with the main course shortly. I glanced outside the window, sighing. When I turned back, Axel was engaged in a conversation with Demyx about some matter of business considering something about music and Zexion was looking a little lost for words.

I was starting to wonder how much sake he drank.

After we were done with our dishes, we paid the bill and left the restaurant a little after ten o'clock. Axel was sober, Zexion was a little buzzed and Demyx was pretty much gone. He was walking down the street, singing rather badly at the top of his lungs as we were heading back to their apartment.

"I went out on a date! With a girl, a bit late …SHE HAD SO MANY FRIENDS! Gliding through many hands …I BROUGHT OUT MY POGO STICK! Just to SHOW HER MY _TRICKS_!" He jumped, grasping onto a pole and proceeded to swing around on it, "_Guys ... _I love my pogo stick."

"Demyx …you're going to attract a crowd …" Axel mumbled shaking his head. He was busy trying to light a cigarette. When he finally lit it, he took a long drag as he eyed Demyx skipping off down the street.

"…Is he always this stupid?" I asked, looking up at Axel.

"Only when he's intoxicated …_DEMYX ALDAINE_!" Axel yelled, when Demyx ran up to a group of girls talking on the street and started shoving his hips at him, "STOP SCARING PEOPLE!"

"Mmm, notttt …" Demyx whined, stumbling to his feet when we stopped at the corner of the street. When we finally caught up with him, Axel latched his arm around Demyx's, drawing him in and locking his arm firmly against his body. "Hey …hey guys. The night is still young …and we have to do something …you know, to com …co …to make Zexy's birthday special and rememberal …or something ..."

"What do you have in mind?" Zexion asked, drawing his scarf up around his face to protect it from the cold.

"Mmm …let's …" Demyx snapped his fingers, laughing gaily, "Let's go to Rocky Horror!"

"Up on 23rd?" Zexion asked as the light turned. "…Axel?"

"Well …" He turned to look at me. "Roxy, are you up for staying out late into the morning?"

I shrugged, fixing my gloves, "Whatever."

"Well then," Axel nodded at Zexion, "Let's start heading up then."

"Mmm! Yeah! What time is it guys?" Demyx asked, pressing a tired face against Axel's shoulder.

Zexion checked his watch, "A quarter after eleven." He answered, "Doesn't the show start at twelve?"

"Yeah! Let's not waste time!" Demyx yelled, already tramping across the street against the flow of traffic.

We made our way over to 23rd and 7th within a matter of time. Of course, Demyx was skipping around like an absolutely lunatic while Axel tried to hold him down. Both of them were burned by Axel's cigarette on numerous occasions. I stayed close to Zexion, seeing as it was safer staying with him than the two idiots up front. When we finally did reach the theater, Axel bought all of us our tickets and we headed inside to wait in line.

Axel stubbed his cigarette out, throwing it away, stretched and yawned widely. "How long has it been since we last went?"

Demyx scratched his head, "You know I really don't know."

"The weekend after Axel's birthday two years ago. It was the summertime." Zexion corrected both of them.

"That's right! I …don't …remember that! What happened that night?"

"You're turning into me now." Demyx laughed, clasping his hands together.

"It was when you got your VIII done." Zexion replied, folding his arms, "Demyx had gotten the both of you extremely intoxicated …and you drunkenly declared that you needed another tattoo to commemorate your 22nd birthday. Is this ringing any bells?"

"...Yes and no …" Axel rubbed his chin, "Ahh, so there we go, Roxy. Now you know the story behind this baby."

"I never asked you." I rolled my eyes.

"Sure you did …like …a couple of months back, ah, whatever." He put his hands on his hips. I folded my arms, looking off to the side. A group of blonde, drunk looking girls waved at me and blew me kisses. I rolled my eyes looking back at Axel who was stretching now, kneading sore muscles in his back. "Jeez, they always take forever to let us in …"

Demyx grabbed Zexion's shoulder, shaking it gently, "Hey, Zexy …let's tell them it's your birthday. You might get free shit or something."

"Sure, Demyx, you go tell them." Zexion sighed, loosening up his scarf and not paying too much attention to Demyx's little happy sounds.

"Maybe** I**_ will_!" He shouted, putting his hands on his hips.

The doors to the theater opened up and people were already shuffling in. Demyx left us momentarily, running off somewhere and returned later to find us seated in the back of the theater on the right. The pre-show dance was going on and Demyx had dragged Axel off to dance.

Axel reached out to me to come and join them but I shook my head. He shrugged, and went off to dance with Demyx. After about five or so songs, the music died down and the show was going to start up. When the two of them came back Axel was carrying three brown paper bags and had something poised between his thumb and middle fingers. He pressed whatever it was into my hand when he handed me a props bag.

I stared down at it, and then looked back at him. "What the hell?"

"Flip it over and hold it up to the light to see what it says." He whispered back, leaning back and grinning. He handed a props bag over to Zexion and settled in his seat next to me.

I flipped it over and squinted in the dim light to figure out what it was. It was a pin. …A pin that said _virgin _on it. I glared at him and pocketed the stupid pin into my pocket.

"Roxas is a virgin …isn't he?" Demyx asked leaning forward. He looked at me and then at Axel, "Isn't the …you-know-what contest coming up soon?"

"...I've been here before; don't even think about sending me up there." I replied, not even looking at Demyx.

"Awww," Demyx crossed his arms, "I would've paid big bucks to see that …"

"Speaking of money, when the hell are you going to pay me back for that hair gel?" Axel asked, to which Demyx promptly ignored him.

After the announcer introduced the basics of the show and they got through the Orgasming Virgin conest, the movie soon started up. It had been awhile since I'd seen Rocky Horror actually. Back in high school, I used to go a lot with Hayner, Pence and Olette … but, well, that was in the past. Moving along, though. The night was pretty eventful. Demyx and Axel were screaming stuff at the screen all night long, a testament to the fact that they had probably been to Rocky one too many times. I threw all of my rice in Demyx's face, got bread stuck in Axel's hair and Zexion escaped my wrath because I actually liked him. He wasn't stupid.

By the time Rocky was over, it was bordering on nearly three in the morning and I was whipped from the entire day. Demyx looked like he was about to pass out at any time as did Axel. The only one who looked like he wasn't a walking zombie was Zexion. He seemed to be in the same condition that he had been in since we arrived at the theater. On the way out, I stopped by the table where they were selling pins and posters. I went over to browse around for a bit before I found what I was looking for. I immediately picked it up, payed for it and then handed it off to Axel who looked at me confusedly.

When he saw what the pin said, he instantly grinned, "Asshole, hm?" He stuck it on his coat.

Zexion was already outside hailing a cab for us. We all piled in, I was squished between Demyx and Axel while Zexion rode up front with the taxi driver. When we arrived back at the apartment, Demyx ran off to his room claiming fatigue while Zexion bid us both good night before heading off to his room to sleep. Axel told me to go on ahead to sleep because he was still wide awake and had some things to do. What, I didn't even want to know. So I went off to his room, got settled in my pajamas and let sleep claim me.

xXx

_And I'm on tonight, you know my hips don't lie and I'm starting to feel it's right …all the attraction, the tension …don't you see baby, this is perfection!_

Who the **fuck **was playing …_Shakira_?

I sat up in bed, glancing out of the window to the right of me. It was dreary outside, the sky was grey and rain was splattering against Axel's window. I glanced at the clock on Axel's nightstand to check the time. It was almost twelve in the afternoon. After freshening up in the bathroom, I sauntered off to the living room and was greeted with one hell of a view.

Axel was dancing with Demyx; both of them looked like two drunken morons. Axel had on a pair of tight jeans and no top on and Demyx was parading around in nothing but what looked like a speedo, a coconut shell bra and a grass skirt. He had a flower fastened into his hair and Axel was wearing a wreath of flowers around his neck. Demyx was busy throwing his arms up in the air while Axel was swiveling his hips.

Axel turned around to see me and started waving excitedly, "Roxy! You're up!" Demyx was busy dancing around him, "It's …kinda …late, you know. We were just about to send Soro in on you."

"Yeah, well …normally if people go to sleep late, they wake up." I snapped, feeling the side of my face twitch in irritation.

"Now, now, no need to throw a hissy fit! You sleep enough as it is." Axel waved a hand nonchalantly and turned around to look at Demyx, "We've been up for awhile." He gestured toward outside, "It's raining out so we decided to have our own happy cheerful Lu'au in the middle on the living room!"

"Yeah, Axel was showing us how his hips don't lie." Demyx shook Axel's hips, grinning like he was psychotic. "Zex went out this morning; he didn't want to join our lovely sunshine fun."

"…I wouldn't blame him." I mumbled.

"If you're hungry, we got some poi from this Hawaiian restaurant down the way. It's good!" Axel was busy hitting his butt against Demyx as a new song shuffled on. The bass on the stereo was turned up way too loudly and I could very well see myself experiencing premature hearing loss from how hard it was thumping against my ear drums.

"Ew, what the hell are you doing with your hips, Axel!" Demyx whined.

"I'm partially Hispanic. It comes with the genes."

At that moment, Zexion came into the house, with his scarf fastened around his face, an umbrella hanging from his hand and various envelopes pushed underneath his arm. He looked at me, bowed his head lightly in acknowledgement and headed over to the bar where I was looking at the poi stuff that Axel and Demyx had bought.

"I do hope they didn't disturb you." He started, as he lowered his glasses to look at me. He set his book down on the counter.

"It's inevitable for them not to. I feel sorry for you." I replied, "You have to live with them on a daily basis."

"They've grown on me within the many years that we've been together." He replied, sifted through the papers in his hands and began to separate the mail into neat piles.

I turned back to look at Demyx and Axel after wrapping up the poi and saw the two of them were currently doing the electric slide. They stopped a few minutes later and started dancing erratically again. Axel left Demyx for a few minutes, swiveling over to us. "Hey Zexion, did the movies come in?"

Zexion held up two envelopes from Netflix without turning around to look at Axel. "Here."

"Thanks!" He turned back to Demyx, leaping into the air and cheering happily, "Dem! The movies are here!"

"MOVIE NIGHT!" Demyx yelled, slapping him five.

At that moment, because I valued my sanity, I left the vicinity. It was time to go read or do something, because I was not becoming involved in the idiot infested festivities. That was until Demyx and Axel decided that it was time for us to watch movies. They had managed to drag Zexion out of his room as well, forcing the both of us to watch some terrible foreign film in French about some overweight chef who fell in love with a cat and how he tried to propose to her.

After we ordered out and ate something, we ended the night when Demyx brought out Twister and got Axel to play with him. I became the default spinner, seeing as there was no way in hell I was participating in the game. Zexion had taken that opportunity to disappear into his room leaving me to deal with the morons.

The whole thing was entirely stupid, but it was rather amusing to watch Demyx and Axel struggling like retards to stay in complicated poses without falling on top of each other. Nonetheless, Axel ended up winning the first game, which prompted Demyx to challenge him to even more games with. Needless to say, Axel won nearly every one of them. It got me thinking that maybe I did underestimate Axel in some degrees.

But then, I remembered that Axel is an idiot.

So then, I was probably wrong in my underestimations. Sounds bout right.

xXx

On Thursday morning Axel came and told me, "Your brother's back home. He just called me, so pack up. He said he'd be by to pick you up in a few."

You really want to know something? Part of me didn't want to have to leave Axel's house. Granted, I was glad to be heading back home, but there was something about Demyx's stupidity and Zexion's ability to balance to everything that … I don't know, found different? Not uplifting, just different. It was something I hadn't felt in a really long time.

So there I was, waiting for Sora in Axel's living room, neither of us saying much to the either. Axel had been pretty mellow that morning; there was something in his eyes that I couldn't really decipher. He was standing by the window watching the street for activity below. He moved to motion me over to the window, "I take it that's your brother's limo?"

I peered down into the street to see the limo pulling up outside of the building. Cameras surrounding it started to snap away and I sighed, pressing my chin into the top of my hands.

"Ready to go back?" Axel asked me as I pulled back from the window and stood up. I didn't respond as I looked to the ground. "Roxas?"

"I'm …" I crossed my arms, "Whatever …"

The project that Ansem had given me was a complete flop. Sure, I had lived under the same roof with Axel for over a week. And now I found myself a little bit more comfortable with him than I used to be. But, that was besides the point. The fact still remained; I was still going to hold him at arms length. What he saw of me this week was strictly between him and me and no one else. I watched him get up from his spot on the window and trudge past me to get my duffel from where it was in the living room.

Demyx was busy saying goodbye to Soro who whined and pawed at him in return. "Roxas! We gotta do this again sometime; it was fun having you here!" Demyx started, hands on his hips, "And bring Soro again! She's too cute. Aren't you little one? Yes you are!"

Zexion nodded at me, "If possible, please refrain from bringing the dog next time." He glanced wearily down at Soro and waved, "It was a pleasure to have you here."

I nodded to the two of them, picked up Soro and headed out of the house. Axel said something to them as he locked the door behind the two of us, twirling his keys as he entered the hallway, "You have everything, right? If not I'll just …you know, bring it tomorrow or whatever."

We entered the lobby soon enough and he handed the duffel bag off to a bodyguard who was waiting for me when we arrived. "See you tomorrow, Roxas." He grinned at me; waving as I left for the limo and I watched his figure fade away in the glass reflected in front of me. I stepped out of the building and found myself being ushered through the crowd surrounding the limo to meet my brother.

The minute I opened the limo door I was met with Sora's smiling face and a complacent looking Riku at his side. The bodyguard handed me my bag, pushing it in next to me and slammed the door shut. Sora smiled broadly at me the moment I got into the limo and it started up again. Sora was all talk, jabbering a mile a minute about how he was so happy to be back in the city, even though spending time in London with Riku had been great. I barely listened to anything he had to say because he switched around so much that I never really understood what he was saying.

We finally got to our apartment after running into a huge traffic jam heading up 3rd Ave. Riku was staying the night with us, no surprise there. I figured him and Sora had finally figured out what they meant to each other. The hand holding and little secret looks weren't doing much to protect the secret Sora was trying to hide. The apartment felt foreign to me when we finally got in.

I guess Axel's place …did start to feel like home after a little while as much as I hated to admit it.

I had just resettled into my bedroom that night when Sora appeared in the arch of my doorway looking sheepish and a little unsure of himself. "Hey, can we talk for a few? Riku's in the shower and I wanted to have a little …you know, a little time for us to talk and what not." He said, closing the door behind him as he stepped forward.

I was sitting on my bed. I looked up at him, setting my book off to the side, and shrugged. "What?"

"I just …wanted to talk about, you know, me leaving and all." He sighed, sitting down on my bed, "First off I want to say is …I'm sorry. I should have told you I was leaving before I upped and ran off like that. But, I just had to know, you know? There was so much going through my mind in this past week and ...when Riku was leaving, I didn't want him to go off without me getting clarification first. Things haven't been easy between us since ...well, you know ..."

I didn't say anything, so he continued on with his endless rant.

"I mean, what if he had gone off and ...I never saw him again? I know, it's ...weird to think like that because he'd have to return to the states eventually, but ...I ...I couldn't wait for him to come back again. Last time he went away, he was gone for so long ...and what if that happened again? I'd be left here just wondering again ...and I didn't want that." He took a deep breath, "Everything was going so fast and I didn't …well ...I don't know what else I can say." He looked up at me with hopeful blue eyes, "...I'm just ...I'm sorry I was so irresponsible ...I didn't mean to leave you behind like that."

I shrugged again, looking back to my book and picking it up.

He shifted uncomfortably. "Well could you say something?"

"What's there to say?" I asked him, flipping a page and no longer meeting his gaze.

"I don't know ..." He twiddled his fingers, "You're not mad? It's okay? I understand? Or maybe you are mad …you have every right to be."

"You left without telling me goodbye or had a single thought about what would happen to me if you left when you did. What can I say to that?" I mumbled.

"I know I have a responsibility to look after you and I know I messed up, and I know I didn't think ..." He started, then paused in thought, "I just ...I just wanted some clarity between us ...maybe even find out how you've been since I've left ..."

"That's right, you didn't think. You never think." I frowned, narrowing my eyes, "And correction, I'm not your child, Sora, so stop thinking of me as your _responsibility_. I'm your brother." I snapped, closing the book on my finger to save the page I was on. "You really want to know how I've been since you left me? Huh, Sora? You want to hear about these god damn flashbacks I have every single night that leave me shaking when I wake up because I keep thinking they're reality?"

"You're having flashbacks?" He whispered, a hand flying to his mouth, "Rox, why didn't you tell me ...?"

"You want me to _tell_ you?" I asked. When he didn't answer, I cleared my throat and looked away from him. "Why, hello brother! Lovely day we're having, yes? Oh, have I told you the greatest news? Remember that sick fuck Xemnas? The one who fucked—"

"Rox, that's not funny, this is serious." Sora stopped me in mid-sentence, gripping my arms firmly, "Stop it, now."

"But **why**, Sora? I'm being honest aren't I?" Or going off the deep end for one. "Or is too much for you to hear me talk about the past? That I've been fucked up ever since I was a child and I'm still fucked up now? I'll never get better? I'll never stop being the way I am and … and—"

Fuck.

"Look, it's not your fault about what happened and you know it isn't! Xemnas took advantage of you as a child and you were too young to do—"

"Shut up." I spoke, lowly, trying to hold back the venom from seeping into my voice.

"Rox, I'm not …"

"Just shut the fuck up, Sora! You know nothing about what happened to me as a child!" I was shaking now. I mashed my palms against the corner of my eyes to stop the tears that had been welling up in my eyes from falling. "Get out …" I moaned, getting off of my bed. When Sora didn't move, I raised my voice, "GET _OUT_, SORA!"

He shifted off my bed, crossing the floor slowly. With one hand grasped firmly around the knob of my room, he turned around to look at me solemnly, sighed, and let himself out of my room. When the door clicked, I turned around to bury myself within my sheets, pressing my face into my pillow in a vain attempt to calm myself before the tears started to flow free.

I hated this.

I hated this so fucking much.


	10. Veridis Quo

**10; veridis quo**

_He was playing a piano._

_Sharp, rich and full of a heavy and melodramatic sound. _

_I was in a bed, shivering despite being underneath numerous heavy quilts that he had piled on top of me. When the music stopped, I felt a sinking feeling erupt in my stomach. The door creaked open in the darkness and a familiar figure pushed its way through my room and into my bed._

_I let out a terrified cry when he began to move his hand over to pull up my shirt, but he quickly clamped a hand over my mouth, stroking my cheek gently, "You are beautiful …like your mother …Sabel." _

_He leaned forward close to me, blowing soft tendrils of air across the outer shell of my ear. I tried to push him off of me with my one good arm, the other still having been in a cast from when I broke it. A hand dipped below the waistband of my pajama pants, stroking my stomach softy, the other still stayed fastened over my mouth. _

"_Beautiful …simply beautiful …" He began to tug at the rest of my clothing … "And all mine …"_

xXx

I shot up in bed, and threw my covers off immediately after I had woken up. Stumbling across the room, I pushed my door open, ran past Axel who happened to be coming down the hallway with and bolted into the bathroom.

"Roxas? What's wrong?"

I slammed the bathroom door behind me, kneeled over and proceeded to empty the contents of my stomach into the porcelain bowl in front of me. I coughed, trying to catch my breath. An entire wave of nausea hit me again and I proceeded to lurch forward again.

"Shit, are you throwing up?" Axel asked me.

"Get me a fucking wet towel …" I moaned, closing the toilet lid and settling off to the side of the bathroom.

His footsteps shuffled away from the door of the bathroom, coming back a few minutes later. He opened the door to the bathroom, kneeling down beside me and handed me the towel. I proceeded to scrub my face, sighing into the warmth of the towel. He had a bubbling glass of something held between his hands, "What happened?"

"…Upset stomach." I quickly lied, peering at him from behind out of focused eyes. The whole bathroom seemed to be spinning before my eyes. I closed them shut, pressing the towel to my face again.

"Are you sure? You're not sick or anything, right? You looked fine yesterday when you left …"

He pressed a hand tentatively against my forehead and I shook away from his touch rather harshly.

"Don't _touch_ me, dammit." I growled, lowering the towel.

He rolled his eyes, "Look, I checking to make sure you're alright, okay?" He shoved the glass at me, "Drink."

"What is it?"

"Poison. What do you think?" When Axel saw the incredulous look I was giving him, he sighed, "Look, its ginger ale. Just drink it; it'll settle your stomach."

I took a sip of the drink and blanched, "It's warm."

"It settles the stomach better than if its ice cold, now drink." He commanded. He reclined briefly, staring at me as I sipped at the ginger ale cautiously.

I stared back at him, lowering my eyes, "Well aren't you going to leave?"

"No." He said, shaking his head, "And you look terrible. I want you in the bed pronto."

"I'm fine." I muttered, setting the glass off to the side. I looked up at the ceiling again and the room appeared to have stopped spinning. I looked back at Axel who was still fixated on me. Seeing that I was getting ready to stand up, he shot up and extended his hand which I pulled on begrudgingly, settling to my feet.

"No, you're not." He gave me a gentle push out of the bathroom and over to where my bedroom was. "Get in."

"Axel, I'm **fine**." I protested, setting the glass down on my nightstand. "I just ate something last night that didn't agree with me."

"Okay, fine …" Axel sighed, shaking his head, "But if you get sick again and start puking your guts out all over the place, don't say I didn't warn you." He folded his arms, "You guys have any crackers?"

"Mm'not hungry." I mumbled.

"You need something in your stomach. Are you still feeling nauseous?"

"_AXEL_!" I yelled, suddenly getting fed up with all the questions, "Stop it, alright? Just **stop**. I'm **fine**." I walked past him out of my room and headed in the direction of the bathroom to go brush my teeth so I could get the acidic taste of bile out of my mouth. _God, I'm a mess …_

I ran the faucet, took my toothbrush out of the cup by the medicine cabinet and spread some toothpaste over the bristles. I quickly brushed my teeth, and when I was done, headed into my room to go get a bundle of sheets. I headed into the living room with them. Axel was over by the window smoking again. He looked at me briefly, didn't say anything and turned back to look out of the window.

It was raining today.

No wonder my arm was hurting me so much.

I sat down on the couch, drawing a pillow into my lap as I draped the sheets over my body. I found the remote buried between two seats cushions, and pulled it up to change the channel. I landed on NY1 and instantly stopped channel surfing when I saw a video of my father on the TV.

"Teier Ardenwell has made an appearance in court today on behalf of a testimony regarding his long time friend and past business adviser, Xemnas Allam. Teier has released a statement this morning regarding the case of Xemnas." The news caster paused and proceeded to read something off the sheet in front of him, "I want to say that I've known Xemnas for a great portion of my life and have known him to always have been a kind and caring person, one who was devoted to righteousness and working for the better good. To hear him being charged with such allegations has broken my heart. I pray that my testimony today be helpful to the jury and all of those working on this case in seeing that righteous freedom is wrought."

"You …are such a bullshiter." I growled lowly, turning the channel before I got too riled up.

"Your father?" Axel asked, not turning around to me.

"What?" I snapped at Axel.

"Hostile much?" He stubbed his cigarette out in the ash tray by the window, "…Did something happen last night that's leading you to chew my head off more so than usual today?"

_Nope, just losing my mind. _"I don't want to talk about it." I mumbled, slumping over on the couch and pulling the sheets tighter around my body. I started flipping through channels again, landing on a random channel and sighed lowly. Mentally, I was exhausted beyond all recognition.

Axel walked over to the couch sitting down by my feet and picked the remote from off the coffee table to turn to some show on G4. Ninja warrior was on. After watching the show for some time, Axel started up a conversation again, "So, how's your brother?"

"Fine." I mumbled. I stood up, wrapping my sheets around my body, "Look, Axel …I don't feel like talking so I'm going back to sleep, okay?" I didn't wait for a response, standing back up and heading off to my room to get back into my bed and fall back asleep.

xXx

I couldn't get to sleep because the TV had woken me up.

I was going to murder Axel.

Looking outside, I saw that it was still raining and that the sky had grown considerably darker since I had last been up. A quick glance at the clock told me that it was close to three in the afternoon. I had been asleep for nearly four hours. Shuffling my way into the living room, I stopped at the end of the hallway to where the apartment opened to the kitchen and living room area.

Axel looked up at me, "Nice sleep, Rox?"

"No," I seethed, gripping the wall until my knuckles turned white, "Because you have the god damn television to damn loud."

"Sorry," He pointed the remote at the television to turn it down, "I didn't think it was that loud." Crossing his legs he leaned back, "Feeling any better?"

I released my grip on the wall, walking over to the couch and sitting down beside Axel, "Not particularly."

"Well do you want to do anything? Do you need anything?" He tried, eyebrows rising.

"No." I didn't meet his gaze, keeping my eyes fixated on the television.

He had been watching the news. NY1 was once again covering Xemnas's case, showing earlier footage of him leaving the court room. When my father's face came on the television, Axel clicked away to another station. When I looked at him, he grinned, "It wasn't important, was it? Besides, the news is boring." He flipped through a couple of more stations, landing on MTV.

"I _hate_ MTV."

"Yeah, it is pretty bad …" He clicked his shoes together, watching some video with a bunch of scantily clad girls popping their butts out in back of some ugly guy. I sunk lower into the couch, gripping my forehead and looking up at the ceiling.

"Axel …turn the channel." I croaked, trying in a vain attempt to calm my temper from flaring up.

"Jeez, Roxas, calm down, I'm turning now …" He replied, reaching for the remote.

That was it. There was no use in trying to control it now. Something was building …I could feel it.

"What?" I asked, feeling my fingers itch along the couch. I sat up slowly, "Calm down? Calm down Axel? You want me to fucking _calm down_?" He turned to look at me, as I stood up.

"Hey, what's—" He started, when I cut him off short.

"Shut **UP!**" I yelled, "I'm **sick **of this. I'm sick of **you.** I'm sick of **Sora.** And I'm sick of Ansem telling me all the time, 'Roxas, calm down, it's alright, everything is fine.' Or, 'It's normal to feel this way. Don't worry you'll get better!' I'm sick of holding all this stuff in!"

"But I didn't—" He tried again, standing up and holding a hand out as if trying to stop me from doing anything rash.

I cut him off again, "Shut **up**, _Axel_, God!" I was steadily making myself over to the entertainment center, trying to control my emotions but it was no use.

Steadying myself against the structure, I looked over at Axel who was frozen to his spot by my outburst. Turning around, I swept my arms across an entire row of carefully stacked CD's sending them all crashing to the floor. Some cases ended up getting cracked, while others sprang open sending CD's flying out of their cases. I turned around staring Axel down with absolutely murderous eyes.

It was all coming out now.

"I'm tired …" I brushed past him, stumbling in the direction of the kitchen, "I'm so tired …of trying to control what's out of my reach." I turned around to look at him, "You know?" I turned around to look at the kitchen, surveying it momentarily.

He was right at my heels, "Roxas …"

"It's these god damn flashbacks! Every night, every time I close my eyes! Xemnas is always fucking there and I …I can't deal with this anymore, Axel! Sora should have just left me dead when …" I braced myself against the counter, eying the dishes to my left.

"Sora? Sora can you get uptown and pronto?" Somewhere during my break down, Axel had gotten on the phone with Sora, "No …you need to get here, Roxas …Roxas needs you. He …he's losing it …"

I turned around, eyes livid. "Are you talking to my brother?" I asked, looking down at the phone in Axel's hand. "Can you hear me Sora? Can you hear me! I'm calming down just like Axel ordered! Are you happy? Are you happy now, Sora! I'm …I'm …no …I'm not …" I turned around to grip one of the dishes in the drainer, trying to yank one of the plates out of its place.

Axel was instantly at my side, having closed his phone after he saw what I was about to do. He began to try to wrestle the dish from my hand. "Roxas! Stop this!" As we proceeded our fighting, I swung wildly out of his grasp bringing the entire drainer crashing to the floor. Pots, pans, plate, bowls and everything in-between went flying everywhere.

My breathing was becoming labored now as I turned to look at Axel. "Think I'm _sane_, huh? Think I'm _SANE_, huh?" I picked up some plates, throwing one at the wall and the other was trembling in my hand. I dropped the dish to the floor, kicking the drainer over which allowed more dishes to flow out of it. Something glinted in my line of vision and I looked down to see by my feet that a butcher knife had fallen out of the drainer. Oh.

Before Axel could grab it, I picked it up, running my finger along the ledge. It was a large knife used for butchering. "Shit, Roxas …put the knife down." Axel tried to reason with me, moving around me cautiously.

I turned around, heading out of the kitchen. Axel was once again following me, looking more alarmed by the minute. I entered my bedroom, stumbling forward, "He used me as his play thing …" I mumbled to no one in particular, "He **used **me! He used me ...like the sick fuck he was ..."

Axel arrived at the door, watching me as I trampled around the room. I started in my closet, throwing the clothes on the floor. Whatever I could get my hands on went flying to the floor. I pulled down the picture Naminé had given me for Christmas and threw it down on the floor. The frame shattered upon impact.

Next I began to yank my bed apart, throwing the sheets wherever I could. I swiped my arms across the dresser, sending whatever was on it crashing to the floor. When I was done, I began hammering the knife into the wood of my dresser.

"Do you **hear **me, Axel? THIS IS WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME! THIS IS WHY I'M SO FUCKED UP! Because **that** sick …that sick bastard …" I gripped my face in my hands, and began to sink down to the floor where I had been currently standing. "…Because he took advantage of me…" My voice got significantly lower, "…and there was nothing I could do to stop it."

"Roxas, I …" He looked at me, face completely void of expression as if he were afraid of me.

I looked up at him through bleary eyes, just shaking my head and not saying anything. The door opened and closed in a hurry and Sora's voice permeated through the silence that was now occurring between Axel and me.

"Roxas! Axel! Are you guys still here …oh, please still be …" Sora rushed down the hallway, stopping at my door. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw me sitting on the floor and Axel standing in the middle of the door way.

"Nothing I said …nothing I did …" I began again. "Nothing …nothing …I am nothing …" I looked up at the ceiling, trying to focus on something, anything. I turned to look at Sora and Axel who were still standing at the door, "We're all fucked up aren't we?"

"Rox …that's …not true…" Sora tried, shaking his head.

"That's why my father fucking detests me. That's why he allowed a man like Xemnas around his kids. That's why …that's why …that's why my mother was such a weak individual and decided to have an affair with the man that fucked her son for four straight years because …because she …she …she thought that would be enough to save him from using me. That's why Cloud doesn't bother with anyone in this circus of a family, that's why Rikku is so rebellious …" I swallowed hard, "The Ardenwells …such a dark family …so many family secrets…" I stumbled to my feet, looking at myself in the shattered mirror. "Well, no more …" I leaned down, in a vain attempt to find the knife. It must have dropped sometime during the time I was talking and I must have not noticed it. "I'm not doing this anymore. I'm not …I don't want to be around anyone anymore. I want to get the fuck away from this place. I want to fucking leave. I fucking want out …"

It was in that instant that Axel decided to act before I did anything rash. In one fell swoop, he locked his arms around my body and proceeded to lift me off the ground. I kicked away from him, trying to struggle out of his tight grip. Axel turned toward my brother, "Sora! Hurry up and call 911!" He yelled.

"_No_!" I yelled, trying to shake away from him, "You're not sending me back to that fucking hospital!" I was trying to kick him with the back of my foot now, pulling away with all my might. My breath was coming out ragged again as I tried to control myself. It wasn't working. "_FUCK YOU_!" I yelled. I was starting to cry now, "FUCK YOU SORA! FUCK YOU AXEL!"

Axel roughly pushed me down onto the bed, pinning me down as hard as he could against the mattress. He was trying to get me under control as I started to scream again, "I'm sorry …" Axel murmured into my ear, "I'm so sorry it had to come to this, Roxas …"

"I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU!" I yelled at him. My voice was straining in my throat. I was full on crying now, trying to lash out at anything. Axel was trying in a vain attempt to hold me down and get me under control. "I WANT ALL OF YOU TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!"

I had finally reached my breaking point.

And Axel had been there to see it all.

xXx

_Birds._

_Flying birds with apple faces and chocolate covered beaks. They flew and surrounded my head every day and night. _

_I stood on top of a ball, wavering and teetering, never able to stand still. My eyes would often leave my head and I could see many things. The air held the smell of gasoline, like someone was forever trying to set a fire wherever I was. The wind often carried the scents of many things to my senses. _

_I would see flowers sometimes, dancing fading shapes before my eyes. The often felt wet against my face. Sometimes they'd explode into bubbles, and sting my skin and try to knock me off the giant ball on top which I stood on a day to day basis. Clouds would stream before me, circling me and clouding my vision. They often felt hot, searing to the touch. They suffocated me from time to time, and I hated whenever I would see them. _

_I was always hungry or thirsty. Sometimes I would eat the cats or dogs that flew by the ball I was on. Or find some way to break my skin so I could drink my own blood to quench an unsatisfied thirst. _

_I could never sleep, but my body would work. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second. Nothing could break me down. _

_People in this world had no faces. They were like those mannequin dolls. Unclothed and faceless. They passed me by on my giant ball, riding by on giant balls of their own. They often stopped by to say, "Bye!" when they greeted me, and "Hello!" when they were leaving. They had no names, either. They said names were useless in this world. I was bound to forget them anyway._

_I too had no name. _

_Though I was often referred to as Madness._

xXx

When I woke up I didn't know where I was. My mind was clouded and I was finding it hard to concentrate.

When I tried to move my arms, I realized that my entire body had been strapped down to the bed I was in. I stared up the ceiling above me and established from the curtain that had been drawn around me, the steady beep of machines and the IV that was currently inserted into my arm, that I was in the hospital for one. How long had it been since I'd last been in one? Nearly two months? I struggled to move against the binds that held me down, letting out a frustrated sound when I couldn't budge.

"You won't get anywhere." I looked up to see Ansem standing in the crevice of where the curtains opened.

I looked at him, fidgeting in the bed as I tried to relax, "Where am I?"

"You're in the Lenox Hill hospital psychiatric ward." Ansem sat down in the seat next to the bed, "You've been slipping in and out of consciousness for the past three days."

I closed my eyes, shutting them tight, "Where's Sora? Where's Axel?" I asked softly, "Why aren't they here?"

"…You …" Ansem paused, "You aren't allowed to have visitors, family members or friends. In your current condition Roxas, you're too unstable as of yet to be seeing much of anyone right about now." He looked down at me, "I strongly put myself at blame for this, Roxas. I told myself that it was too soon to discharge you …but I wanted to see if I could prove myself wrong. You were barely teetering on stable before you left and now …"

I looked up at him, not saying anything so he continued on.

"We must start anew." He cleared his throat, "There will be many doctors coming to see you during the week. They will be doing an evaluation of your mental state and capacity. They'll be asking you many questions pertaining to your life, your family, your friends …those sorts of things."

"I'm not …a fucking invalid, Ansem." I mumbled.

He nodded, "Yes, but you are still a threat to yourself and those around you. I do not wish to be doing this anymore than you do, understand me Roxas." He paused again, "There is something else you must know."

"What?" I snapped, feeling myself growing more irritated by the minute.

"You are no longer in Axel's outpatient care."

xXx

The first person that I met was Dr. Snow White.

Yes, her first name was Snow and her last was White. Her parents must have been hippies. She was soft spoken, and quiet. A bit timid actually, not exactly sure what to say to me or how to approach me. She sat down in the chair across from me, holding a clipboard in her arms. When she opened her mouth to speak, I could barely hear her.

So when I told her to speak up, she softly apologized, pressing the clipboard into my lap. I was asked to fill out a questionnaire of sorts. After I was done, I handed it back to her and she began talking to me in that same soft spoken voice of hers. Her focus was on my family history. What did I like about my family? What didn't I like about them? What was it like growing up with my two brothers and sister, so forth and so on. She left the room, bowing softly to me and thanking me for being so cooperative before leaving the room and disappearing.

The next morning I met Dr. Alice Hainsworth, a petite, young blonde doctor hailing from Wales. She was rather absent minded at times, always wandering off and talking about something that didn't pertain to the present issues at hand. Like Dr. White she had me fill out a questionnaire again. Alice asked me about my friends. What type of qualities did I look for in friends, what friendships had I bothered to keep up until this point in time and if I felt like I was getting any substance from those friendships and the questions went on.

The next person to come to me was Dr. Agnes Malecifent, who looked like something straight out of a sci-fi movie. Her skin was a grotesque green color, and she wore copious amounts of hideous make up that did nothing to hide the aging features of her already demented face. She was all talk, no action. She went on and on and on. Her focus was supposed to be on financial dependency …but she spent more time going about her "plans" whatever the hell they were.

She wasn't much help.

Next was Dr. Jasmine Lahari, or …Mrs. "Please don't call me Jasmine the Hottie, I've heard it before." Why sure, if emaciation is your turn on then I could see why. Jasmine was there to talk to me about future plans. Did I ever want to return to college? Did I want to start up my own business and follow on in the Ardenwell traditions? Basically, to put it bluntly, she asked me what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

She was the only person I didn't have an answer for.

The last doctor that Ansem sent was Dr. Theophilus Mattez …or as he wanted me to call him, 'Phil'. Phil was a stout doctor with a large mouth to compensate for what he lacked in height. Hell and people told me I was short. Out of all of the doctors that I had met within the past few days, Phil had been the one that struck a chord in me.

To put things bluntly, Phil didn't bullshit or beat around corners with anything. He went straight to the point, telling me why he was there, and what he planned on doing. He, like the four before him presented me with an array of questions and had me fill them out to the best of my ability. However, Phil ...Phil was directly focused on me. Nothing revolving around family, friends, finance, future plans ...this was all strictly, how does **Roxas **feel about himself. His parting words to me had been, "It's your choice, kid. It's your life." before closing the door to that four walled, white room that I had been confined to.

Ansem came to see me regularly, keeping me company and bringing me reading material when he had the time to.

The rule about no one visiting had not been lifted since I had been put in this place. My only source to the outside world had been Ansem and a window facing out on Park Avenue from 77th street. No television, no phone calls, zilch.

The ward itself wasn't quiet. There was always someone crying or screaming to disrupt the silence. Often at times I'd have dreams or my own thoughts to entertain me. But, on the rare occasion, I found myself breaking down a couple of times. That often resulted in my own screaming contest with the person across the hall to see which one of us could outlast the other before we fell subject to our own exhaustion and were subjected to a more silent scream; tears.

A nurse was always there however to come give us a shot of a sedative to lull us into a stupor and get us into bed. One time I had a particularly bad episode where I tried to break the door down and get out. The nurse had to have two people hold me down before they were able to administer a drug heavy enough to knock me out. After that, I never had the need to have a screaming contest with the person across the hall. It was doing more harm than good.

I often thought about what was going on in the outside world. How was Sora? Did he miss me? How were he and Riku doing? How was Axel? Did they think of me? My mind was also missing quite a few memories of the night that had landed me in here. All I could remember was screaming, and breaking up nearly everything that was in the apartment. Axel held me …down …and …everything worked itself up into a blur. After a while thought I became bored. …I lost track of time.

The doctor's deliberated for what seemed like ages. I had been in the hospital for awhile before they finally came to a conclusion. Ansem finally came to me and told me that I was going to be released on February 12th, two days before my 20th birthday. He didn't give me any other information. Was I going to be going to another ward? Was I going home? What was going to happen to me?

The answer came on the morning of my release. Ansem walked me down to the private exit of the hospital where Sora was waiting for me. The minute Sora saw me he gave me a bone crushing hug and refused to let me go until Ansem had to pry him off of me.

We got into the limo, Sora assuring me that things were going to be different from now on, that everything was going to be okay. Of course the media were storming our building, and there was a police blockade surrounding the area to divert traffic and hold everyone off. When we got to our apartment, Soro was already there pawing at me and barking.

She whined and sniffed my feet, as Sora directed me toward my room. He told me to get some rest, nothing more. I didn't bother to probe him for answers, I was just glad to be out of the hospital and somewhere where I wasn't under surveillance twenty four seven. I fell asleep the moment I fell onto my bed, and when I woke up, the entire house was quiet.

xXx

_Don't bother saying you're sorry, why don't you come in?_

...Someone was talking or singing for one …and it definitely wasn't Sora...

_I've done this before and I will do it again, come on and kill me baby ...while you smile like a friend. Oh and I'll come running, just to do it again…_

"Sora?" I called to the empty air. I stepped out into the hallway, looking down its length to see that Sora's door was closed. When I got no reply, I tried again, only a bit more forceful, "Sora!"

"Nope, try again." A slightly raspy voice answered.

Sitting smack dab in the living room was the last person I'd ever thought I'd see returning to my life. His legs were crossed, and he had a guitar propped up in his lap.

"What? Cat got your tongue? Or did you miss me?" He removed the cigarette hanging out of his mouth and stabbed it out on the ash tray beside him. There it was, that wild Cheshire cat grin. Always beaming without any need for provocation. He crossed his arms over in front of his chest as he leaned down on his guitar, "I'm sure Ansem told you I wouldn't be back and whatever. But, here I am. Back per request of your brother and surprisingly, Mr. Wise consented to it."

…_Sora?_ I racked my mind for something to say."...That was you before, wasn't it?"

"Hmmm, maybe ..." He grinned, standing up. He propped the guitar against the chair he was sitting on and made his way over to me, hands on his hips, "So are you surprised?" Smirking, he unfolded his arms and leaned forward a bit, "So tell me, how you have been?"

I paused momentarily, "Like shit. Is that good enough?"

"That's a start." He grinned, walking past me, "So, did you eat yet? I bet you didn't eat much while you were in that hospital did you? …They do serve some pretty nasty stuff …"

I watched his slender form disappear into the kitchen, leaving me to watch him from the center of the living room. He was here, he was back. He was actually here, acting like nothing had ever happened. The sheer normality of it all was too much. I rubbed furiously at my eyes to prevent the water that had gathered there from falling.

"Roxy?"

"No …no, I didn't." I mumbled.

"How about some mangu? …We could go out to the store and get the ingredients, would that be okay? Roxy? Hellloooo? Can you hear me?"

…Axel was back.


	11. One More Time

**11; one more time**

As expected, my stay in the hospital was all over the tabloid magazines, media outlets, and news.

Axel had done me the liberty of informing me about all of the outrageous stories that the media had concocted about me.

On the night of my return I had gotten calls from Naminé, Cloud and Rikku. Rikku had been by far the most emotional, not leaving any time for Cloud to talk because she had taken up the phone. Turns out she got to talking to Sora about what had happened after my last admission to the hospital. She completely _flipped_ shit and after sufficiently bitching out my parents after getting into a fight with them, she left the house in a fit. She had been staying with Cloud since the middle of January. Surprisingly, I didn't get a call from my father. I didn't know whether to be relieved or …well …I didn't want to worry about it.

I eventually got around to apologizing to Sora about what had happened on _that_ night last month. In true Sora like fashion, he merely smiled and hugged me telling me it was alright, because he was my brother and all that other lovey dovey feel good stuff that Sora loved to spew. As for my relationship with Axel …well …he took my outpatient care this time down a different road this time around. He had been under explicit orders from Ansem to make sure I took it easy. Axel was acting less like a babysitter figure to me and …actually taking the initiative to get me on the right track with things.

I guess that's what I really needed at this point in time.

xXx

_The sun was setting, casting a glass mirage of a thousand colors against a crystal reflection. Those colors flew and danced before my eyes, blinding and contorting my vision. Curtains hung off of large windows, brushing the polished wood floors beneath them. The room was warm, too warm and I felt like I could barely breathe. The air in the room was stagnant and unbearable. I don't remember how I had gotten into this room, but I felt like he had some part in it. The door creaked open slightly and I could see the markings of a black silk robe peering out from behind it…_

xXx

February 14th. Valentine's day.

My birthday. My _20th_ birthday.

Lovely.

I was staring up at the ceiling while lying in my bed when Axel poked his head around the corner. When I peered down at him, he instantly vanished when he saw me looking at him. I sighed, sitting up. "Axel, what are you doing?" When he didn't answer, I got out of my bed and walked over to the door. "Ax—" I was assaulted with a barrage of balloons, literally getting lost in them while Axel started laughing on the other side of the balloon wall.

"Happy Birthday!" He yelled cheerily, his eyes closing and his usual broad grin coming to his face. He pushed something firmly onto my head.

When I pushed past the balloons, I reached up to see what he put on my head, and blinked, "…You bought me a crown." I looked at him, "Do I look like a girl to you?"

"Well no, but I thought it was cute, you know?" He took the crown from my hands, "See, it lights up!"

"Axel …" I started.

"Hmmm?" He asked leaning forward, a grin still on his face. I didn't say anything else, frowning slightly as I looked to the floor. "Come on Roxxxyyy, it's your birthday! I know you just got out of the hospital and all and you want to rest and whatnot, but …but it's your birthday! And who doesn't like their birthday? It's a time to celebrate and all that jazz!" Fiddling with the crown, he set it back down on my head, "Come on and just wear the crown for a little while!"

He was so insistent at times. "Are you going to keep pestering me all day?" I asked wearily, bringing a hand to cradle my forehead. I could feel an impending headache staring to materialize. Without waiting for an answer, he pressed the crown back on my head. I didn't have the energy to even fight him today.

"Maybeeee." He replied, grinning.

"Hmm." I brushed past him and the multitude of balloons that were crowding the hallway by my room and slowly sauntered into the kitchen where Sora was cooking breakfast. Soro was at his heels whenever he moved, whining at him.

"I just **fed** you!" He protested, trying to move her with the back of his foot. The minute Sora saw me entering the kitchen, he looked up and grinned. "Morning birthday boy!" Soro barked, running over to me when she saw me.

"…Same back to you." I replied, yawning deftly. "What are you making?"

"Omelettes." He grinned widely and turned back around to tend to the food, "I'm in love with your crown. Did Axel give it to you?"

"Shut up." I mumbled.

Sora laughed, turning the stove off and humming about as he opened up cabinets above his head. I was busy making myself a cup of coffee when he began talking again. "So, Roxas …" Sora began slowly. "I was thinking…"

"I hope you didn't hurt yourself." I interjected.

"Shush," Sora pouted, hand on his hip as he turned around to look at me, "Anyway, I was going to go out with Riku later on tonight over to Café Boulud. You know, down on 76th?" He paused, "I didn't want to make a definite reservation for four …but …I kept it open just in case …"

"Four?" I questioned, sipping at my coffee.

"You and me of course, then there's Riku and …well, Axel would come with you if it were early enough but …" Sora asked, raising an eyebrow, "I don't know. I just thought it'd be nice if we celebrated our birthday's together. Last year was …" He trailed off, "Well, you know …"

_A nightmare, _I wanted to say but I kept my thoughts to myself, as I lifted my mug up to my lips again.

He fiddled with the edge of his apron, "I know you just got out of the hospital and all, and it's probably best that you get some rest and all before you head out of the house again. But …just get back to me on it, alright? It'll be fine if you don't want to go." Sora untied his apron, his expression falling a bit.

"…I …" I bit my lip, casting my look downward, "I'll think about it, Sora …"

"Hmm!" He hummed happily, his eyes regaining their usual sparkle. He hung the apron over on a hook by the stove, "Well, I gotta go get ready. Riku's coming over to pick me up in a few. You'll be fine here with Axel, won't you?"

"It's fine, Sora." I shook my head, following him out of the kitchen, "Go."

He jetted out of the kitchen and ran giddily down the hallway into his bedroom. Soro ran out of the kitchen with him, trying to get his attention once again. I eyed the omelets still in the pan on the stove. Reaching down, I took two plates down to transfer the omelettes onto. Sora had left some utensils in the dish washer so I took out two forks and two knifes to bring with me. When I walked into the living room, Axel was on his phone, looking more pissed off by the minute.

"Cid, are you **listening** to me? Yeah, Iknow. What? What? I've got Roxas and I can't. No, I can't. Cid, you're not. CID. HELLOOOO?"

He didn't notice me standing there with the omelets in my hands. I walked down over to where he was sitting and set both plates down on the coffee table. He glanced at me, and opened his mouth to say something when his phone went off again.

"I didn't hang up on you! Listen to me, dammit. We're set to play at the Nokia Theater tonight at eight, are we** not**? I'll be there, so chill out. No, I'm not bringing …how the hell did you know that? What the hell? Cid, I'm **NOT** bringing him with me. Good publicity? For Christ sakes the kid just got out of the hospital!" He slammed a hand down on the coffee table, rattling the dishes on top of it. "Look, I will **call** you …rather yet; **see **you, tonight, alright? Goodbye, Cid. **_GOODBYE CID_**." Axel snapped the phone shut and sighed, throwing it off to the side so that it landed on his side of the couch, dipping into the crevice of the pillows on the couch. "Hey, Roxas, you know what …?"

"Nope, I've never met her." I answered, reaching over to grab my plate and started to cut the omelet apart.

"Very funny." Axel responded, "But like I was saying …whatever you do, never ever rely on your manager to control every aspect of your career. You can save yourself a whole lot of trouble." He eyed my head, "You're still wearing the crown?"

I bit down on my fork to keep it suspended in my mouth while I took the crown off of my head and put it on the table, "Shut it."

Sora came trampling out of his room, Soro at his feet as he was pulling on his coat and zipping it up. "Riku's downstairs, so I'm off you two! Roxas, call me when you decide on what you want to do, alright?" He waved cheerily, and was out of the door, slamming it as he left. Soro jumped on the door, pawing at it and barking as he left. She whined when he didn't return, sulking off to the side where she had been currently resting.

"So …" Axel started. He had put the crown on his head now, pressing the button so that it lit up, "How do I look?"

"Stupid." I replied, sticking another forkful of omelet into my mouth. I placed the empty plate down on the coffee table, "Like you always do."

"Thank you." He grinned, picking up his own plate and started to cut the omelet apart.

A few moments later, the house phone started to ring, which prompted Soro to start barking again, running over to where we were sitting. Getting up, I eyed the caller ID to see that Cloud's number had popped up. I picked it up and pressed the on button, "Hello?"

"Roxassss! Happy Birthdayyy!" It was Rikku, "I tried calling earlier, but Sora said you were sleeping. You're up now I presume, right? Of course you are, why wouldn't you be! Hehehe." She paused, "So, how's it feel being twenty? One year shy of the big two one you know?"

"Fine," I replied, eying Axel who looked at me questionably.

A deep monotonous voice cut in through the background, "_Clo-OUD._ I'm** not **bothering him. This is only the tenth time I've tried to call today, so shut up!" Her voice came back on full force, "Sorry, that was Cloud. He says happy birthday and all those other …things. Anyway, I'mma let you go get back to whatever it is you were doing. Um, yeah. Oh! And I've got something for you. So send Sora to pick it up or whatever. I'm not sure if you can leave the house or …"

"I can …" I trailed off.

"Ahh, but you should utilize Sora as your messenger boy." She laughed, "Alright Roxas! Take it easy and don't eat too much cake. I'll talk to you later, okay? Byeee!" She hung up the phone before I could say anything else. Putting the phone back into the cradle, I leaned back in the chair, crossing my legs underneath me.

"Who was that?" Axel asked, stacking his empty plate on top of mine.

"My sister." I replied, leaning forward on the couch.

"Calling to wish the birthday boy a happy birthday, hm?"

"You guessed it genius." I replied dully, moving to retrieve the remote from the coffee table and began to find a new channel to turn to.

Axel took our plates into the kitchen and the water began to run shortly as he clanked around. I in turn continued to turn through the channels, finally settling on E! when nothing else seemed to catch my interest.

"…Ardenwell twins are celebrating their 20th birthday—" Every time I turned around, someone seemed to be talking about me, or my family, "…Sora was seen out and about this afternoon with rumored boyfriend and famous photographer, Riku Belden, while the more reserved and quiet Roxas has yet to be heard from since his last stint in the hospital last month. Roxas was released just two days ago on February 12th and according to sources close to the family, has been ordered to rest and take it easy within the next few days…"

"Sources, hm? Sources like whom?" Axel asked, coming back into the living room with his hands on his hips. He still had that stupid crown on his head. "I love when tabloid magazines always talk about 'having sources'. I'd like to hear the name of a source for once."

"What's your experience with them?" I asked, tossing the remote off to the side.

"Ohhh, I've had tons of fun tabloids made up about me." He clapped giddily, sitting down next to me, "I was a con man, I ate babies, I had false teeth. Sorry, but these pearly whites are all real baby." He grinned as if to confirm his point, "There was a really stupid one that formed when these pictures of me surfaced early on in my career. You familiar with Japanese street fashion?"

"Have you seen my little sister?" I asked him.

"Point taken." He laughed, "Anyway, we were touring in Japan for the first time. Demyx and I were pissed out of our minds drunk."

"Figures."

"We ended up in some shop, bought some …what were they called …gothic lolita dresses? Yeah, some gothic lolita outfits and ran the streets of Shibuya at night in our lovely ensembles. Nevertheless, the pictures surfaced over here in the states and the headlines were flying. We were cross dressers, we beat up old ladies for clothing … we had a sexual fetish for woman clothing, you name it. …Cid was so mad. But it was fun though. You should totally try it sometime, Roxy."

"Sounds riveting." I told him dully, making a move to change the channel.

"Come on, like you've never done anything stupid with your friends?" He grinned, "You know, Roxas, I've known you for awhile now and I still feel like I haven't really gotten a grasp on who you really are yet." He leaned over on the chair, reclining so that his face was by my thigh and he was looking straight up at me while lying down. "I'm curious to know more about you."

I started clicking through channels again, "There's nothing to talk about."

"Sure there is!" He gestured with his hand, "There's always something to talk about. Let's see …how about that cute little blonde that came over here? How'd you meet her?"

"What about that tall blonde girl that you got all choked up over at Naminé's art exhibition, huh? How'd you meet **her**?" I countered back.

"Touché, Roxas." He rubbed his head and sighed rather loudly, "Alright, I'll entertain you with some information about myself if you reciprocate the favor."

"We've done this before."

"And it seems like it's the only sort of compromise I can get you to come to at the moment until you're willing to tell me stuff without me prompting you to, am I right?" Axel asked, a smirk unfurling on his face. He adjusted himself on the couch. "Her name is Larxene, if you must know. She was my girlfriend …now ex-girlfriend. Is that good enough?"

"No, I want more details." I answered, "Why were you acting like such a nutcase around her whenever she was near?"

"…Do I really have to go into that?"

"Then consider this conversation over." I was about to get up, when he pulled me back down again.

"Hey! You can't just make up rules like that." Axel protested, jabbing a finger at me.

"Sure I can." I answered, shrugging dismissively, "You get to push and pry all the time, so I only believe that it should work both ways, right?"

Axel sighed as he flopped down on the couch again, "I cheated on her if you must know. The break up was messy."

"Not very reliable are you?"

He rolled his eyes at me, "That's it. I answered your question, now I get to ask mine. Tell me more about that little blonde girl that you seemed so fond of, and I don't want three word sentences either. Tell me how you know her and such."

I sighed, "Her name is Naminé. And I've known her since grade school." Before he could say anything else, I cut him off, "And no, she's never been my girlfriend nor do I want her to be."

"I wasn't going to say anything." He said, merrily.

"Sure you weren't." I rolled my eyes, "How did you ever become friends with someone as eloquent as Zexion? Demyx is self explanatory."

"Actually, I met Zexion after I met Demyx. Demyx was the first friend I ever made when I came here to the states. He already knew Zexion, introduced me to him and …we've kind of stuck together since then. Me and Demyx as the trouble makers and Zexion was always there to act as the mediator between our antics. Even if he doesn't show it though, I know Zex appreciates us though. We keep him younger than he acts, you know?" Axel raised an eyebrow, "Naminé can't be your only friend though, right? I mean, Roxy …I know you aren't exactly Mr. Social Butterfly… butttt …"

I glared down at him, "And your point is?"

He pointed a finger at me, "What about that orange …colored girl from the store? Omelet?"

"Olette." I corrected him, rolling my eyes.

"Yeah, her and that kid with the pineapple hair …"

"Pence."

"What about them? She sounded kind of friendly with you."

"I met them in middle school." I replied, stopping on some game show.

"And then what happened?"

"Read the tabloids." I replied, not wanting to go any further. "Consider this conversation over. I don't want to talk about this anymore." I sat up, gritting my teeth. Those memories are better left forgotten. The silence that permeated between the both of us was deafening. I knew Axel was at work trying to start up an entirely new conversation though.

"Roxas?" Axel asked, looking up at me.

"What?"

"Do you have a cake?"

"Not that I know of." I answered.

Axel got off the couch and sauntered into the kitchen. He came back a few minutes later, his hands on his hips. "No dice. Let's make a cake." He said "Come on, it'll be fun. We can go out and get the ingredients and …make a cake and celebrate and whatever."

"Can you even _bake_?" I asked as he stood up.

"I cooked for you when you stayed over at my house, didn't I?" He leaned forward, a smug look on his face, "And you know you couldn't get enough of it, even though you'll never admit to it."

I bit my lower lip, frowning at him.

Axel crossed his arms over his chest, pulling away from me. "Look, I know you probably have a lot on your mind and you're still trying to figure out what's happened within these past few weeks …but distraction is always good for everyone. It keeps us sane, and it prevents us from getting worked up about the small things, you know?" He shrugged, "Now, whaddaya say? Baking time? It doesn't have to be a big cake, just something small for us."

I looked up at him, meeting his eyes and sighed in defeat, "Sure."

xXx

Baking a cake with Axel was …I don't even know what I should call it.

Like everything else Axel does, it always has to be a spectacle. He sauntered around the kitchen, calling out instructions to me and when he wasn't he was off singing some random song. You know, I didn't mind hearing his voice.

Albeit a little raspy, it was kind of soothing to the ears if you listened long enough. Time had flown since we had started baking the cake, faster than I had even realized. By time we were done with the cake, it was a little after five and had grown dark. Sora would probably be calling me in a few, and Axel would be leaving depending on what I planned on doing.

"What time were you born at?" Axel asked me randomly, as we were sitting around at the table smoothing the frosting over the cake.

"6:32 am." I answered, looking up at him. He still had that ridiculous crown on. "I've been officially twenty since this morning."

"The complete opposite of me, I'm a night baby. 10:09 pm on July 27th." Axel laughed, licking the chocolate frosting from his pinky finger. "You're an Aquarius, right?"

"You know your astrology, congratulations."

"Of course," He winked at me, "What am I?"

"…A Leo." I replied.

"You're so smart, Roxy."

"I know I am."

"And …modesty just permeates off of you."

"It runs in my genes, didn't you know?"

"Surely." He flicked some more frosting on and leaned back in his chair, "Finito!" Axel cracked open the pack of candles that were by his side. He plugged the wax candles deep into the cake, searching his pocket for his lighter and flicked it on. He stood up and went over to dim the lights by the arch of the kitchen while I waited at the table. "Do you want them all the way off or just …a tad bit dim, or somewhat dim? Or—"

"I don't care; just get over here so I can blow these damn candles out." I groaned.

He turned the dial down, sauntering back over to where I was seated. Soro had made her way into the kitchen, looking curiously at the two of us. Axel leaned over to pick her up, "Are you going to help me wish Roxy a happy birthday? Come on, let's start singing!"

"Ax—" I began, but he started singing before I could say anything.

"_Parabéns a você, Nesta data querida. Muitas felicidades, Muitos anos de vida. Hoje é dia de festa. Cantam as nossas almas. Para o menino Roxas, uma salva de palmas!" _I looked up at him for a moment, his face illuminated by the burning candles in front of me. He leaned forward, whispering lowly, "Make a wish." His usual grin unfurled on his face as he propped his chin against his right hand. Looking down at the cake, I thought for a moment before blowing the candles out. He stood up again, letting Soro down on the floor and headed over to the wall to flick the lights back on. "What'd you wish for?"

"Like I'd tell you."

"I bet I can guess what it is." He walked over to the drawer, pulling it open to take out a knife to cut the cake with.

"Be my guest." I mumbled, "That was Portuguese, wasn't it?"

"Correct-o." He said, observing the knife, "I'm not too fond of the English version. I stay true to my roots, you know?"

Before I could respond, the phone started to ring. I got up to retrieve the phone from the cradle, turning it on. "Hello?"

"Roxas?" A soft tentative voice came in from the other end. It was Naminé, "Roxas, that is you, isn't it? Happy birthday, it feels like so long since we last talked."

I leaned against the counter, crossing grasping one arm with my hand as I leaned my back against the surface. Axel had returned to the table, leaving the knife discarded along the cake and was drumming his long fingers against the table, "Well …a lot has happened. I missed your birthday too, didn't I?"

"Yeah, it was at the end of last month…" She replied, "It's alright though …that …that wasn't your fault. Are you busy?"

"I'm …" Axel got up and exited the kitchen, heading off to God knows where. "I was just about to cut my cake."

"Oh? That sounds nice. What kind?"

"Chocolate." I answered. "Listen, Naminé …"

"It's alright, Roxas. I didn't want to keep you too long. I just wanted to call and check up on you. We should talk more, you know? I know I'm not always in the city but …you can always give me a little ring when you feel like it, okay?"

"I—" In mid-sentence, an ear crushing sound came pounding out of the stereo in the living room.

The sounds of Daft Punk infiltrated my senses at full force and I was reeling back from the sheer thump of the bass resounding off the walls of our apartment. _One more time, we're gonna celebrate …oh yeah, alright. Don't stop the dancin' …_

Axel was going to die.

"Naminé? I gotta go kill Axel!" I yelled over the noise. "I'll call you later!"

She laughed, "Alright. Don't strain yourself!"

I clicked the phone off, rushing out of the kitchen and into the living room where Axel was. Soro was busy barking at the stereo, running in circles around Axel where he was pretending to play air guitar. Before I could yell at him, the phone started ringing again. I picked it up, sticking a finger into my unoccupied ear to try and hear properly.

"HELLO?"

"What are you guys doing up there? Having a party without us?" Sora yelled over the noise of the stereo.

"SORA? HOLD ON!" I yelled into the phone, returning to look at Axel, "AXEL YOU BRAINLESS MORON! TURN THAT STEREO OFF, DAMMIT!"

"Can't hear you, Roxy!" Axel yelled back, having resorted to moshing around the living room now.

Deciding to deal with him later, I made my way to a quieter section of the house to talk to Sora. I closed the bathroom door behind me, wincing as the door thumped behind me, "Sora?"

"What's going on over there?"

"Axel's being an idiot." I replied. "What is it?"

"Oh, um …" He paused, "Well …you know how I was telling you about dinner plans for tonight?"

"Yeah?"

"Well …we, um, we might have to cancel them." Sora stalled. "You know, regardless of whether you wanted to go out or not …"

"What's wrong?"

"I'm stuck."

"Stuck **where**, Sora?"

"…In traffic." He answered.

"Traffic** where, **Sora?"

"…Way …way downtown …"

"How far are we talking?"

"…Um, very far. I've got to be past Canal …and there's traffic everywhere." Sora laughed uneasily, "Rox, it's terrible. Listen, I need you to do me a favor and tell Axel that he needs to take you with him. Just until we're able to get back uptown, then we'll swing by and pick you up, alright? I gotta go though because I think I'm losing reception …" He sighed, "I'll call you when we're close by, alright?"

"Right." I murmured.

"See you soon!" He clicked off before I could get a word in edge wise. Taking a moment to calm my somewhat mounting anger, I took a deep breath before reaching for the knob of the bathroom door. This was certainly turning out to be a memorable birthday alright.

Axel saw me return to the living room and turned around, a grin on his face, "Come on, Roxy! We gotta celebrate!" He was busy doing a poor replication of disco inferno, shaking his hips in every which way. When he caught the serious look I was giving him, he turned down the music and looked at me, "What's up?"

"Sora's stuck in traffic." I replied.

"What?" Axel asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"He's down on **CANAL** street or _SOMEWHERE_ in traffic. Don't even ask me what he was doing down there. I presume you knew about the dinner plans he had for today?"

"Yeah …but …I couldn't have made it regardless." He said, scratching the back of his head. "I've got a show to play at the Nokia Theatre."

"…He said for you to take me with you."

"For serious?" Axel asked. "Well, we don't have any other alternatives do we?"

I crossed my arms, "I guess we don't."

"Well …in that case …" He picked up his phone flipping it over, "Go get changed, Roxy. You're not walking outside like you're dressed now."

"Really?" I asked him monotonously, "And here I was think that pajama pants were the in thing."

"Go!" He was at my back, about to push me forward, "I'll call Cid to send the limo over now."

xXx

Axel grinned at me when I appeared back in the living room. He already had his coat on, and was ready to go from the looks of it. I was pulling my coat on when he turned to look at me, "An all black ensemble? You're only further proving my point that you shop at Hot Topic, Roxy."

"It's laundry day." What the **hell **was I talking about?

"I'm sure it is." He laughed, "Come on, the limo's already downstairs."

We were out of the door, Axel locking it behind us. When we got downstairs, I threw on a pair of sunglasses, knowing very well what would greet me. Where there's a limo, there's bound to be cameras. And there were tons of them. Granted, Axel had called in adequate security. I stayed close to him as we were ushered through the crowd. I climbed into the limo first, and Axel followed in after me.

The limo started up and we sped on down the street and towards Times Square. Axel was busy talking on his phone while I took off my sunglasses and watched the sights of New York City roll by outside the window. People and couples were rejoicing in each other's company. Talking, holding hands, stealing kisses from one another and whispering little secrets into each other's ears. There was a particular reason I never really liked my birthday. Valentine's Day always brought back memories of—

"Roxy? Hey? You okay? You look kind of zoned out." Axel asked.

"I'm f—" I paused, and then shook my head, "I mean …I was just thinking."

"Hmmm …" He closed his phone looking down at it, then back at me, "…Doors are about to open soon …shit …"

"What time does this thing start?"

"Eight …but I should have been down here long before. Sora was supposed to be back earlier today. Eh, what can you do? Manhattan traffic is horrendous, right?" He pressed his face against the window, "We're on 46th …almost there. So, you excited?"

"For what?" I asked.

"To see me play, of course." He grinned.

"It's been a lifelong dream of mine, didn't you know?" I replied dully, not even bothering to feed into his ego. The lights outside the limo grew considerably brighter, almost blinding and I knew that we were finally in Times Square.

He merely smirked shaking his head and leaning forward, "Look alive, Roxy. We're here."

The door to the limo opened and I was the first one out, greeted by a slew of screaming fans and flashing lights. Once again, a swarm of security was there to usher us by. Axel followed by after me, giving the thumbs up to people as we passed by. There were a whole bunch of girls gathered around in the fore fronts screaming his name as we passed by.

We were escorted into the theater shortly and after navigating through a series of hallways, we finally found ourselves backstage. Zexion was busy tuning up his bass and Demyx was twirling a drum stick nervously between his fingers. The minute he saw us, he perked up, shaking Zexion's shoulder.

Demyx threw up his arms, and pointed accusingly at Axel, "_Je-SUS_, man. What the hell were you doing? It's nearly show time!"

"Well it was Rox's birthday today." He turned to look at me, "And …his brother ran into a bit of trouble."

"Which would explain why he's here …right?" Demyx asked, raising an eyebrow. He grinned, looking at me, "Happy birthday, Roxas. Long time no see, man. How've you been?"

"I was doing fine until I saw you."

"Still as kind as ever. How old are you today?"

"Twenty." Axel cut in, knowing very well I wasn't going to answer Demyx.

"Dude, you're one year away from being allowed to drink!" Demyx grinned, "You totally have to come out and party with us next year."

"Sure." I rolled my eyes.

"I would hate to cut this rather warm reunion short, but we have to start getting ready to get on stage, you two." Zexion cut in, picking his bass up. He nodded off toward me, and headed off down the hallway toward a room at the end. Demyx was right behind him, waving toward me and pocketing his sticks in his back pocket.

"You can stay back here if you want. No one should really bother you. We have to go warm up." Axel grinned, waving at me as he was about to head off, "Enjoy the show, alright?"

After watching the three of them leave for the stage, I took a seat on the couch that Demyx and Zexion had been previously sitting on. Security was everywhere, so I didn't have to worry about much. Reclining backwards, I closed my eyes, not paying too much attention to what was going on around me.

_HELLO NEW YORK CITTYYY!_

I opened my eyes when I heard Axel's voice coming out loud and clear from on the stage. They were starting finally. I sat up, walking past people running around backstage, making sure that everything was going on okay.

_THE ORGANZIATION IS BACK IN BUSINESS TONIGHT. ARE YOU GUYS READY?_

I found my way to a black curtain that led out onto the stage, pressing my face through a small crevice to gaze out at what was going on. The entire theater was packed, and a wide expanse of people in the crowd were jumping up and cheering.

Axel turned to look at Demyx who was hitting his drum sticks together, then toward Zexion and smirked. He started up a guitar rift and the sound in the theater must have raised ten decimals, because my ear drums felt like they were going to split from the sound. The concert continued on just as loud as it hard started. I don't know how long they had been playing for. After about seven songs, they were taking a break to let another band that was supposed to be playing that night on and would be back a little later.

However, it wasn't long before something else was calling my attention away from the stage and Axel.

"You're Roxas Ardenwell, aren't you?"

I turned around abruptly to see a tall man with pink hair standing behind me.

"So you're the new boy toy that Axel's been toting around recently? Seems like he's picked himself a keeper this time. What are you? Twelve? Thirteen? He always **did** have a taste for the younger boys."

"And you are?" I asked, narrowing my eyes as I let the curtains drape fall from my hands. Something about him just didn't sit well with me. He was kind of strange to tell you the truth.

"Marluxia." He extended the hand, "Marluxia Rousseau. I …am a former acquaintance of Axel."

"…That's nice." I replied, not bothering to take his hand. Who the hell **was** this weirdo?

"What the hell are doing here, Marluxia?" I turned around to see Axel standing behind me, an absolutely feral look in his eyes.

"Why, I've just come to see you play." Marluxia leaned forward, turning his attention from me to Axel. He was about to place a hand on Axel's chest, when Axel swatted it away rather harshly, "I see you've grown cold since I've last seen you."

"How the fuck did you get past security?"

"I have to keep up appearances, don't you know? It's rather good publicity ...these things that you throw." He laughed, "I couldn't let you hog up all the lime light."

"Marluxia, I'm giving you to three to get your flowery gay ass out of my fucking sight."

"Tut-tut-tut…" He sighed loudly, "Always so quick to anger, Axel. Nevertheless, it was nice to make the acquaintance, Roxas. Perhaps, we shall meet again and …converse more?" He blew a kiss, waltzing past the both of us and disappearing behind the curtain.

"I told those stupid meat heads standing around back here to _watch_ you." Axel muttered under his breath, crossing his arms, "He didn't say anything to you did he?"

"…I'm your new boy toy?" I asked, "Do you make it a habit to hang around with weirdos, or does it just come naturally?"

Demyx came running down the hall, waving his arms excitedly. "Yoooo, DUDE! Guess who—"

"Already saw him, don't care to talk about him." Axel cut Demyx off halfway, hands on his hips, "…Where's Zexion?"

"Resting in his room, why?"

"…Never mind. Look, I'm going to go out for a smoke. Come and get me when we have to go back on again, alright?"

Axel disappeared down the hallway, hands tangled in his hair as he walked away. Demyx turned around, whistling lowly as he walked away the other way. I took to sitting back down on the couch, propping my hands on my knees when someone was calling my name again.

"Roxas! ROXAS!"

I looked up to see Sora running toward me, his arms flailing happily. Riku wasn't bothering to keep up behind him, walking at a relatively normal pace. Sora instantly threw his arms around my neck in a hug, nearly crushing me in the process as I fought to push him off. "I'm **so** sorry it took us so long to get up here! But the traffic all the way down town was horrific and well …here we are." Sora grinned at me.

Riku nodded and waved, "Hey, Roxas."

I looked away from Riku and back to Sora when he had started to talk again, "Are you ready to go home now? Or do you want to see the rest of the concert? Are Axel and them out there yet?"

"Yes, maybe and no." I said, answering his questions all in one go.

Sora was growing more confused by the minute, "…Wait, what?"

"Nevermind." I told him, making a move to grab my coat from off the arm of the couch.

_Weren't they great folks? GIVE IT UP ONE FOR TIME FOR PANNN-DEMIC!_

"Axel! Axel come on! We're about to go back on!" Demyx's voice floated from down the hallway.

He came stampeding by us, waving at us as he ran by and headed for the stage again. The band that had been playing was filtering off the stage on the other side. Demyx looked over his shoulder to see if Zexion and Axel were coming. Pointing at me, and then at Sora, he raised an eyebrow,

"…Your brother?" Before I could say anything, Demyx was already introducing himself. "Demyx! Demyx Aldaine! But you can call me Dem, Demy or …Demyx. Whatever suits better." He grinned widely.

Zexion followed by next and stopped by Demyx, and addressed me as I was beginning to put on my coat. "Are you leaving so soon?" Zexion asked, "It was a pleasure to see you again, Roxas. Do come around again if you have the time. The house …is somewhat drab without you."

Demyx grinned, "Yo, this is his brother. You know the one that ran off that time?"

"So, you're Sora …" Zexion extended his hand in greeting, "Zexion."

The door at the end of the hallway banged open and Axel was stomping his way rather forcefully down the hallway. Demyx pulled Zexion along, waving to us and left for the stage.

"Sora …you're …back." He said, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, we're going to take Roxas home now." Sora beamed, "Thanks for everything."

"Don't worry about it." He turned to look at me, trying to relax the features of his face, "I'll see you tomorrow, alright? And just forget about anything Marluxia said to you …he's …"

"Axel! Come on!" Demyx yelled from behind the curtain, his voice muffled.

"Duty calls." Axel walked past us. He shook his head, forcing a grin on his face as he turned around to look at us before disappearing behind the curtain once again.

"What was that all about?" Sora asked, peering up at me.

"Nothing …" I looked up at him, "Let's go home."


	12. Stragglers Moon

**12; stragglers moon**

"Selphie called me the other day." Sora told me as he was in the kitchen washing dishes that morning.

"Did she now?" I asked, not picking my head from off of the table.

"She said Olette saw you last month around the time you were staying with Axel." Sora paused, "It's been awhile since I've last seen her, how is she?"

"Fine, I guess." I drummed my fingers against the table, peering up at Sora. "She's living down in Soho now with Pence."

"Really?" He tapped a finger to his chin, "That's right. Selphie did mention that Olette had moved out of the house a little while back …" He turned back to the dishes, "Maybe you should go see them one of these days."

I shrugged, "Mmph."

"It's a thought." Sora replied. He turned the water off and wiped his hands off on the dish towel, "…Well, I have to go get ready to meet Riku. Axel will probably be coming in soon, so I'm going to go take a shower, alright?"

"Right."

I watched as Sora left the kitchen and picked myself back up. Thinking momentarily, I rose to my feet, pushed the chair back and heading down the hallway to my room. I eased down by the side of my bed, pushing back the covers that hung off its side. I felt around blindly, leaning forward to extend my arms into the darkness. Lying flat down on my stomach I pushed a bit further and pulled back when I found what I was looking for. I pulled a black shoebox into my lap and brushed away the dust that had gathered on the lid.

The first thing I was greeted with was a picture I hadn't seen in a long time. It was a picture of me, Pence, Olette and Hayner during the winter of our Sophomore year. It was taken during New Years Eve in Times Square. Olette and Pence were laughing, Hayner was smirking as usual and had his arm wrapped around my shoulders. Underneath the picture were piles upon piles of pictures, notes, papers, tickets and other various memorabilia that I had stuffed into the box over the years. It had been awhile since I had last touched this box. Ever since …

The front door slammed and I quickly shoved the picture back into the box, and closed the lid over it. I kicked it back under my bed, back into the furthest part it could reach. The floor by my door creaked and I barely had to guess who it was before they made it to my room.

"Goooooddd MORNNNINNGGGG, Tinkerbell!" Axel appeared at my door in a loud explosion of theatrics, grinning madly and widely.

I got to my feet as Axel crossed over to me, heaving a large box onto my bed. "Call me that again and I'll have you castrated." I sat down on the bed where he had placed the box at.

"I'll keep that in mind then!"

"What's that?" I asked, nodding off toward the box.

"Think of it as something of a birthday present …" He pushed it forward, "Go ahead and open it."

I began peeling back the paper from the box and opened it up. Inside the box was a something that resembled the shape a guitar. Before I could ask any questions, Axel began talking again. "You need a hobby. Something else to keep you occupied besides reading."

I opened the box up and saw my reflection mirrored in the polished wood of a gleaming acoustic guitar. "So you got me an acoustic guitar?" I looked down at the guitar, then back up at him.

"It's pretty ain't it?" He sat down on my bed across from me, "Who knows, maybe you'll get as good as me, one day?"

"And just **who** is going to be teaching me how to play?"

He rolled his eyes, grinning, "Me, obviously! Who else did you have in mind?"

"Oh, I don't know …preferably someone who possessed a brain bigger than a profoundly retarded two year old child." I replied.

"Cute." Axel fell over on my bed; half of his body hanging off the bed, while his other half lay sprawled out by my feet.

He sighed, not saying anything else. I pulled the guitar out of the box and into my lap. Rolling my sleeves up a bit, I searched around in the guitar case for the pick and found one pressed up against the side of the case. Positioning myself correctly, I began to strum the guitar and tune it.

Axel turned over on my bed, peering up at me suspiciously. His eyebrows quickly lowered and his usual smirk came to his face, "So you know how to play, huh? Who taught you?"

"Someone." I answered.

"Someone like whoooo?" He asked.

"Someone." I answered again.

"Guess I'll have to settle for that, huh?" Seeing as he would probably get no more information over me, Axel turned his attention to something else. "What was that?" He pointed at my left wrist.

Knowing exactly what it was he was referring too, I quickly pulled my shirt sleeve down over the black inking on my skin. I rolled the other one down just as fast. "Nothing."

"…That was a tattoo wasn't it, Roxy?" He asked slightly, that feral cat look gracing his features once again.

"It's none—"

" …Of my business. I've got all your lines memorized up here." He tapped his head and grinned, "It** was** a tattoo, wasn't it? Can I see it? Pleaseeeee." Knowing he wasn't going to stop bothering me until I showed him, I rolled my sleeve back to the point where the tattoo was visible. He propped himself up on his elbows, turning his body around and stared up at me. Curiosity was painted all over his face. "H …M? Like H&M? The clothing store, Rox?"

I glanced at him briefly before returning to strumming the guitar, "…No, HM. As in _initials_."

"…But …" He scratched his head.

"I'm not telling you anything else, so drop it."

"Mmmmm …" He sat up straight, extending his long legs so that one was on my bed, close to my side and the other was skimming the floor.

Sora came by the door to my room, poking his head inside the room, "Roxas, Axel! I'm off!" He turned to look at Axel, "I should be back a little after five. Is that alright?"

Axel shrugged, "Take your time; I've got nowhere to go."

"Thanks, Axel." He grinned, "See you later, Rox!" He waved cheerfully at us, before disappearing into the hallway and the front door closed and locked it.

"I'm going to the living room. Come on." Axel sat up, motioning for me to follow him as he left my room. Picking up the guitar, I followed after him, taking my respective seat on the couch as we always sat.

He clicked on the TV, flipping through channels and trying to find something to watch, "Let's see …let's see …"

"Find something would you?" I asked irritably.

"There's nothing on!" He sighed, leaving the channel on some crappy soap opera, "Let's go out, Roxy."

"Don't feel like it."

"But its _nice _out. The sun is out!"

"It's cold."

"It's winter."

"Thanks for stating the obvious." I glared at him.

He let out a loud sigh, sitting up. Obviously giving up and seeing that I wasn't going to budge, Axel got up and went off humming to go occupy himself with something. In the meantime, I walked back to my room to go put the guitar back in its case. The moment I turned around, I was assaulted by Soro hoping onto my bed and trying to get into the case.

"Get **out **you retarded dog!"

"When was the last time anyone walked her?" Axel asked, barely trying to keep the mirth out of his voice as he came around the bend to my room. He propped himself up against the side of my door as I tried to hold Soro down from licking my face.

I turned around to glare at him, as that annoying smirk of his only grew wider. "How the **hell **should I know? It's _Sora's_ dog!"

"She seems a bit agitated. I think you should walk her …"

"I am _not _walking this dog!" Every time I moved her she would find someway to get back into the case.

"Walk her."

"No, dammit!" I groaned. Soro looked up at me with wide eyes and whined.

He uncrossed his arms and leaned forward as he walked away, his voice disappearing down the hallway. "And you don't know why, but you're dying, you wanna try and ...walk the dog!"

"God dammit, Axel!" Soro was wagging her tail now, nudging her wet nose against my hand. I looked at her and groaned. "...Fine ..."

xXx

I glared at Axel as we descended in the elevator to the bottom floor of the building. "I hate you." I pushed my sunglasses up over my nose.

"Hate is such a strong word, Roxy." Axel grinned, "I'd try intensely dislike."

"Well I **strongly **and very well **intensely **dislike you." I seethed, tugging on Soro's leash as she tried to make an attempt to flee from my grip. A man boarded the elevator, nodding courteously toward us as he resumed his spot in front of me. Soro took to sniffing around his shoes, yipping happily when she deemed him non-threatening. She turned around to chew at her leash and I sighed.

"I don't think you do." Axel grinned, winking at me.

"I think I do."

The elevator chimed, and we both got off, heading into the main lobby of the building. The door man opened the door for the both of us as we stepped out onto the sidewalk. I tugged at Soro's leash and she growled unhappily in response.

"Ya know, Roxy …maybe if you weren't so …" He peered down at the dog and then at me, "Rough with her, she'd like you a lot better."

"…I don't do dogs."

"Oh _really_? And here I was thinking you were asexual." He replied cheekily.

I looked at him, pushing the will to punch him out of my mind. We neared the sidewalk, pausing within the midst of people. I pulled on Soro's leash as she tried to run out in front of us.

"Ignoring the welcoming committee, I see." Axel said, crossing his arms.

I tipped my sunglasses lower to look over my shoulder to see we were—of course—being followed, "…You seem to act like you enjoy them." I said.

"Well …" He leaned back, somewhat pensive, "Back when I was first starting out in the game …they were overwhelming I guess. But, uh, I sorta …just got used to them." He shrugged, "They're doing their job and I'm doing mine, so it works both ways, hm?"

"Completely." I replied sarcastically. "Where are we going anyway?"

"Central Park." Axel answered, shrugging. "…Unless you have another place in mind."

"Oh, well, I don't know …John Jay Park _is_ right down the street." I tugged at the leash again.

"Yeah, but Central Park has the horses." Axel replied dreamily, "I've always wanted to go on one of those. Never found the time to though." He turned to look at me, "Have you ever been on the horses, Roxy?"

"There's nothing special about them."

"I'll take that as a yes." Axel whistled to himself as we turned down the street to start down York Ave. He occupied himself, staring around at the buildings that we passed by. "Whenever you walk by these buildings, don't you ever wonder who lives in them?"

"Not really." We stopped at another corner.

"Are they crazy people? Maybe they're lonely people …" Axel looked up again, and then turned to me, "I'm sure you have. I mean …everyone has to once in awhile."

…Does he _ever_ shut** up**?

"Hey, Roxas?"

"_What _Axel?" I asked, pretty sure he could hear the irritation in my voice.

"Where's Sora's restaurant at?"

"…On 76th and Amsterdam."

"Damn, he's all the way across town …" He tapped his chin thoughtfully.

We finally reached the park where I sat down on a bench while Axel took to unclipping Soro's leash and entertained her. I looked up at the sky while Axel ran around the park, trying to catch Soro before she jumped off into incoming traffic.

"Um, excuse me?" A timid voice came from my left. It was a girl with long brown hair, dressed in a private or parochial school uniform with her two friends standing behind her. She instantly jumped when I turned to look at her, and turned in a hushed voice to to tell one of her friends, "I told you it _was _him."

I glanced away from them to the direction of where Axel was running around with Soro. I sighed as I got off the park bench and stood up. Better to make this quick than messy. Why did my encounters with these fan girls always have to be weird? "Yes?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"Roxas, I …lo— I mean … Would you sign this please?"

She held out a handkerchief which had initials engraved on the end. Her hand was shaking terribly.

Anything to get these psychos to go away, then sure.

The moment I touched her hand, she instantly grabbed hold of mine; crushing it in her own. I winced as she quickly wrapped herself around me, inhaled deeply and then pulled away from me. She looked at me for a few minutes, her eyes going absolutely manic. She then screamed at me, jumping up and down. She turned to her friends and let out a new and louder scream. They followed in her screaming contest, flying out of the park and out into the street, acting like absolute lunatics as they flew down the avenue.

"Drawing in the girlies as always I see, Roxas?" Axel asked from behind me. I turned back to look at Axel who was now walking back to me with Soro cradled in his arms. She tried to jump up to lick him, and he made no motion to move away. He reached for the leash I still had tied around my wrist, and hooked her onto it.

"What the **hell** was that? Did you _see_ them?" I asked, gesturing wildly as I could still hear their screams over the beeping and honking of traffic.

"That's what happens when girls get a little too close to their objects of affection." He sighed, shrugging, "…When they come up to you in packs and you have no security or I'm not around …_run_. That's the only advice I can give you."

"…I know you have stories, so let's hear them."

"Japanese fans are the worst. Just keep that in mind."

I shook my head as we left the park, peering over my shoulder to see who was around us. The paparazzi were waiting for us at the gate, hiding behind whatever they could to try and keep out of view. We passed by them with a few clicks here and there.

"Hey …isn't that your brother?" Axel pointed upwards to a billboard hanging on top of a building above us. I followed where he was pointing, raising my head to see my brother Cloud on an advertisement for some Tommy Hilfiger cologne. "Looks kind of hot, doesn't it?"

"That's my _brother_, you pervert." I yelled.

"Hey, hey, keep it down." He rubbed his head, "Anyway; let's head back up to your house, hm?" Axel grinned, and I followed him back up York tugging Soro along rather forcefully the entire way.

xXx

"…_How long have you been doing this to him?" My mother's voice was hushed from behind the closed door of my parent's bedroom._

"_Sabel, do you not see? He is like you. Beautiful in every aspect, like the sweet forbidden fruit of the fabled Garden of Eden. The apple, supple, soft, and delicious as it is, it remains a sinful pleasure. Have you forgotten what we once had? Before your joyous matrimony with Teier was announced?" He approached her, drawing a hand to caress her cheek slowly, "I kept you company on those nights when Teier wasn't here. When this bedroom grows too cold and weary for your fragile mind and soul, I can be here to comfort you like we—" _

"_We can't. I swore myself to him, have you forgotten? He is my husband; I cannot …" Her voice faded away, "Xemnas …"_

"_We have done it before my dear Sabel and we can do it again. Now, hush, and let me take your far away …to a place that you may remember from long ago …"_

xXx

"I want to backtrack." Ansem began, during the first session we had since my discharge from the hospital, "Backtrack and start at the very beginning."

"Of what?" I asked, sprawled out on the couch with my eyes drawn skyward.

"To what happened to you after you stopped seeing me. I know we mentioned it briefly before last month or so. But, other things have gotten in the way. I want to know what happened to you since you were last taken out of my counsel."

I grimaced, "I think the tabloids cover enough of that, don't you think?"

"I'm not one for gossip columns." Ansem told me, "Besides, they aren't accurate to begin with. A personal account works best, don't you think?" He cleared his throat, "Firstly, how did you enjoy your birthday?"

"It was fine."

"I saw Axel took you to his concert."

"I thought you said you weren't one for gossip columns?" I asked, shooting a look at him.

"Ah, but I am rather partial to the newspaper. It covers all sorts of things, I am sure you know." He leaned forward, "Did you enjoy yourself?"

"It was okay." I replied, nonchalantly.

"Well, then that is good." Ansem nodded his head. "Before we do go further, there is one more think I would like to discuss with you. On the topic of Axel, he has informed you of …the circumstances of which he was reassigned to you, hasn't he?"

"Sora wanted it, didn't he?"

"Yes and did he tell you how I was strongly against it?" Ansem sighed, "I thought long and hard to myself while you were in the hospital. Perhaps he was wrong for you. He was too impulsive, too overbearing for someone with a case such as yours. But …" He cleared his throat, "But, after careful considerations from both him and numerous meetings with Axel …I've learned a couple of things, Roxas."

"Like what?" I asked.

"…Sora told me when you first came out of the hospital, not this week, the first time back in November, you were terribly reclusive. You weren't talking much, snapping at everyone and everything with a horribly insufferable temper. He had been noticing it less and less as your time with Axel progressed." He stroked his chin, "It was subtle, very subtle, and not noticeable at all. But …to Sora …he believed that Axel had done some good for you. Despite what you think, you had become more 'vocal' in a way. Do not tell him that I told you this, but Sora actually called me while he was off in England and requested that you stay with Axel despite my better judgment." Ansem cleared his throat again, "I do, however, believe that your situation, as it was in the beginning with Axel thrown into the mix, was only something to further the progression of your full out break down. Something that would take at least half a year or more to occur, happened within a matter of months. Thinking on it now, perhaps it was better that it happened now rather than a later date. It's part of the healing process, Roxas."

"Yes, because going crazy is normal." I snapped, gritting my teeth.

"To overcome adversity we must first admit defeat." Ansem replied, "One cannot rush head first into things and expect them to change in an instant. It is an ongoing process that humanity has been experiencing for quite some time."

I sighed, "Ansem …"

"Yes?"

"Can we just, get on with this? I get it. Axel is beneficial to my current situation as it is right now, but I don't want to spend this entire session talking about Axel."

"Yes, yes, of course." He cleared his throat, "I just felt that it was appropriate to clear that up, considering everything that had happened. I suppose we should begin then."

"At your whim." I replied dully.

"The last time you saw me, prior to within these past three months was in March of 2000. I was looking through the old records of your file, and saw rather large gaps of time that concern me. I supposed that's where I will start." He opened up a folder, folding back some papers as he slipped his glasses on, "Let's start with the first year after I had seen you."

"I was about the head into 7th grade."

"Yes, finishing 6th, correct?" He paused, "You were in middle school. I remember the transition was most difficult for you, but you found friends did you not?"

"Yeah." I replied, swallowing past the lump that was forming in my throat, "Yes …I did."

"Could you describe them again for me? This old memory of mine eludes me at times."

I inhaled sharply, resting an arm over my stomach, "You already know about Naminé. She's been with me ever since I was in grade school." Sighing, I continued, "There was Olette, strange hair styles and always dressed in pastel colors …"

"She was the 'omelet' girl was she not?"

"Yeah." I waved my hand dismissively, "Pence, who appeared to have a bottomless pit of a stomach and could eat hordes of food upon end. And lastly …there was …Hayner."

"Hayner." Ansem cut in, "I remember him. Hayner Mason. You were quite fond of him."

"That was him …" My voice sounded airy, like I was going to float away and break at any moment. I looked up at the clock. Time was almost up.

"…I'm sensing …I might be heading toward something you might not be willing to talk about as of yet." He began scribbling furiously.

"You could say that."

"Then we'll stop here for today." Ansem stated as he closed his pen inside of his book.

xXx

By the end of February, Xemnas's, case had been concluded and the verdict was nothing short of a miracle. He was found guilty and was sentenced to life in prison. Of course, the public statements made by his lawyers were a bunch of bullshit. He wanted to thank those who had fought for him and his case, always making a point that the evidence used against him was not substantial and that his trial had not been fair enough.

However, as repercussions for Xemnas's involvement with my family in earlier days, my father had been under investigation for a matter of weeks. Nothing really happened though and nothing incriminating was found. With no heirs to take over his business, Xemnas had placed the care of his company in my father's name. And so, Ardenwell Corporations acquired a new business and with it, my father's business empire grew larger. I don't even want to know how large the net worth of our family has gotten due to this new addition.

You might have thought I would have felt elated that Xemnas was finally behind bars. In all honest truth, nothing really changed. I was still feeling rather apathetic about everything. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Everything has pretty much been a blur in these past few months.

From my first admittance to the hospital last summer to the current point in time I was at now. Perhaps, I had been fighting my past for so long …it was finally catching up with me and now I …had to deal with it. I couldn't keep running no matter how hard I tried. Ansem used to tell me that exact same thing all the time when I was younger. I had no choice but to get better and move forward. Dwelling on the past wasn't going to help me any, and I think I was finally starting to realize that.

So we entered March. The windy month of overall crappy weather that makes you want to stay inside the house rather than leave it. Winter was leaving the city, and pretty soon it would be spring, the season of rebirth and new beginnings. My relationship with Axel formed into what you would probably call …friendship. That is, if friendship includes calling a person a moron every hour of every day.

Axel just told me, "It's how you show your love, Roxy."

Love, right.

I found myself opening up to him a bit more than I had in the past. If you asked him, he could tell you small things about me. Menial things. I was the right handed twin, Sora being the left handed and that I liked when it rained, but hated being outside in it. There were other things, but they were none to important. Axel gave me guitar lessons sometimes, showing me the basics of the guitar. We'd often spend our afternoons with me practicing and Axel watching TV, turning his attention to me every so often to listen to what I was playing.

One rainy day in March, the 13th to be exact, Axel and I got a surprise visit early in the afternoon. I had been reading while Axel was seething by the window, smoking. I had learned to equate with time that, whenever Axel was flustered, tired, angry or stressed, he smoked. I didn't bother him that day and he didn't really bother me except to ask me if I was hungry or anything.

The door man had phoned up to the apartment to let us know that we had visitors. Axel took the call and shot up out of his chair after hanging up on the phone with him.

"Who was it?"

Axel held out a hand for me to stop talking. He stabbed his cigarette out in the ash tray by the window. Soro held her head up from where she was lounging at his feet and ran after him, looking at him curiously as he stood poised at the door. She ran around at his legs, pawing at him and trying to get his attention. When the elevator door opened, Axel leaned further out of the front door.

"What the hell are you doing here, Demyx?"

"Duh, it's my birthday." Demyx's voice wafted in from the hallway. Axel stepped aside to let the blonde menace into the apartment. He closed the door momentarily as Demyx leaned down to start playing with Soro, "Hey baby! I haven't seen you in ages. Did you miss Uncle Demy? I bet you did." He picked up his head and saw me staring at him from the couch, "Roxas! Little buddy, how've ya been! Haven't seen you in awhile."

I waved nonchalantly, as Axel took care of Demyx. "Dem, answer the question."

"What? Oh yeah! Actually, me and Zex were in the neighborhood, you know? About to go to laser tag and we stopped by when we realized where we were and _I_ said. 'Yo, man …we should totally invite Axel and Roxas to come out and have some fun with us.' Even though _he_ was against the idea. I knew it was completely bitching. Besides, when's the _last _time we went to play laser tag with each other? A lonnggg time ago, that's when."

"…You couldn't have just …I don't know, _called me_?" Axel asked.

Demyx shook his head, "It was spur of the moment!" He leaned past Axel, peering at me, "Come on Roxas, whaddaya say? You wanna go, right?" He batted his eyes at me as if he could really sway my decision. "Righhhttt?"

Axel looked too me and I just shrugged. He hung his shoulders, "Demyx…it's _raining_ outside!"

"Yeah, well …I came over here in the rain, didn't I?"

"…Rox, help me out here would you?" Axel pleaded, turning around. "You don't want to go anywhere, do you?"

"Actually …you're always saying how I should get out of the house, aren't you?" I asked, standing up and setting the book I had been reading off to the side. I rubbed at my shoulder blades, and nodded my head off to the side in thought, "Wouldn't this count?"

"…I think I won, Axel." Demyx grinned widely.

When we got downstairs, Zexion was already waiting in his car which he had parked right in front of the building. Demyx was quick to call shotgun, sliding into the front seat of the BMW. Axel got into the back behind Demyx, while I slid into the seat behind Zexion. Axel was currently engaged in a staring contest with the back of Demyx's head. Demyx turned around, sticking his tongue out at Axel. He quickly retreated into his seat when Axel lunged forward to try and hit him.

"Would you two calm down?" Zexion asked, not fazed at all by their childish antics. He started the car up, turning out onto the street to head uptown.

Axel crossed his arms, looking at Zexion, "Where exactly are we _going_ to play laser tag anyway?"

"Up to some place in Westchest." Demyx answered happily. He turned around to look at Axel, "What's up with you today? You're acting like you have a stick up your ass. Usually you'd be all, 'YEAH BOY! LET'S GO!"

Axel stared at Demyx for a long time, not saying anything. I occupied myself by looking out of the window as we left Manhattan and got on the highway. Demyx was in his own little world singing along to the radio while Axel was leaning against the side of the door, his head pressed to the window with his eyes closed. Zexion was concentrated on driving us to our destination.

Axel had fallen asleep halfway through the trip, prompting Demyx to turn around and look at him. "Guess he didn't get enough sleep last night…" He mumbled. He turned to Zexion, "What was he doing last night?"

"On the phone." Zexion answered, as he changed lanes.

"With who?" Demyx asked.

"I don't know," Zexion looked up at the rear view mirror, eyeing Axel in its reflection. "Maybe you can ask him when he wakes up."

"Hmm …" Demyx tapped his foot impatiently against the bottom of the car.

A few moments later, we had hit our exit. Driving down a few streets, we eventually ended up at a large garage and found a parking spot on the lower level. Demyx unbuckled his seat belt and leaned over the back of his seat. was unbuckling my own seatbelt when Axel went into a fit of hysterics as he swatted away at Demyx who had just given him a wet willy.

"DEMYX, WHAT THE HELL!" Axel lunged for Demyx, who quickly reclined back into the front of the car and rolled out onto the garage floor, laughing. It never failed with those two.

Zexion paid for the parking spot, and we headed up to the floor where the laser tag was. The arcade wasn't that crowded, so the wait for the laser tag was pretty short. However, Demyx and Axel always found a way to stall the flow of things.

"So you're telling me we can go in under teams or singles?" Demyx stroked his chin, "Well …what do we want, guys?"

"Whatever you want." Zexion answered.

"For Christ sakes, Dem, just _pick_ something!" Axel whined from my side. He was still peevish from Demyx's earlier antics.

"I'm_ thinking_." He turned to look at the teenage boy behind the register, "What would you recommend ...?"

"…Um, whatever you'd like, sir."

"…Aaaagghh. If we pick teams, how many games do we get?" Demyx asked, leaning on the desk.

"The minimum is two, but you can add on games if you'd like."

"Then it's settled, we'll do teams …and we'll go for three games."

"That'll be sixty dollars."

Demyx turned around to look at Zexion, "Zexy?" He asked rather hopefully.

Zexion sighed, putting the money up for the games and we were brought into another room to suit up for the game. The first game, I was paired up with Demyx, which wasn't too much of a challenge. Mostly he and Axel did all the work while I stayed in the back of the action even when Demyx tried to get me to shoot Axel or Zexion.

Zexion replicated my feelings toward the game, letting the two tire themselves out while we lingered on the sidelines. Actually, I forfeited the game by purposely walking into Axel's line of fire, getting hit by shots that I could have dodged had I been serious. I offered Demyx a lame shrug, when he went into a bitch fest about me not being serious about playing. Axel and Zexion ended up winning the first game by default.

The second time around I was paired up with Axel, who still seething about the car thing. More people had entered the arena after our first game. Gripping my hand firmly, Axel was on the war path once again, shooting at anything and everything that passed his way. I barely had to lift my gun. The last game, Demyx and Axel were switched onto a team together and Zexion and I were together. Of course, like I mentioned before, we didn't really care to much about winning. Axel and Demyx basically tried to shoot each other to death …which didn't really work to well, being they were on the same team. At the end of laser tag, Demyx dragged us all down to this Chinese and Japanese restaurant a short walk away from the arcade.

The dinner reminded me of Zexion's birthday. Demyx never shut up because he and Axel bickered constantly, while Zexion was off to the side keeping his composure. I, of course was in the middle of this madness, being addressed ever so often for my opinion on some irrelevant matter. After dinner, we all headed back to Zexion's car. Demyx instantly fell asleep in his seat and Axel was busy planning murder all the way back to Manhattan.

You might have asked me: Roxas? What the hell compelled you to go out with Axel's friends in the first place? And I'll tell you this, I don't really know. Sure, it was Demyx's birthday. I guess the _nice_ or probably _right_ thing to do would be to go out with them like I had done today. But, maybe there was more to it than that.

"Whatcha thinking about, Roxy?"

I turned to look at Axel who was slouched in his seat, staring at me. Even in the darkness of the car, his flaming red hair and malachite eyes stood out apart from everything else. He had reverted to his normal self since dinner and although he was quiet, I could tell he was in a good mood.

"Nothing, really."

He smirked but didn't say anything. The rest of the ride was quiet. Demyx's snores rung low over the sound of the radio and Axel was busy humming to himself, peering out of his window as figures faded and rushed by. Sooner than I knew it, we were at my apartment building and Zexion pulled to a slow rolling stop.

He nodded to me, as Axel got out of the car to walk me to the front. The door man opened the door for the both of us, and we entered the main level. The elevator chimed shortly, and we both boarded, not saying anything. When we got up to my floor, Axel unlocked the door and pushed it open for me. Sora was already home when we got back.

He waved to Sora and then turned to me and winked, "See ya tomorrow, Roxy." He waved over his shoulder, got onto the elevator and headed back downstairs.


	13. Life in Technicolor

**13; life in technicolor **

_I looked at Rikku who was standing up in her chair, a mess of peanut butter and jelly all over her face and hands. She batted her wide green eyes at me, "Are you going to eat that, Roxas?"_

"_No." _

"_Then can I have your sandwich?" Her eyes lit up at the prospect of eating more food. I pushed the plate over to her and she grinned widely, "Yay!"_

_My mother stood by the doorway of the kitchen looking distractedly at me. She set her cup of coffee down and made her way over to the table, sitting down by me, "…Roxas, honey …aren't you hungry?"_

"_No."_

"_But …you haven't eaten thing in nearly two days, sweetie…"_

XXx

"What do you mean you're at the airport?"

Axel was busy pacing the length of the living room, gesturing wildly with his hands while he talked on the phone. He went from looking angry to pensive, back to angry and then confused all in one second. He looked at me for two seconds, held out a finger as if to tell me to wait a minute.

"_Reno_! Dammit, you always do this. I can't pick you up from the airport; I told you this on **MONDAY**! Today is **THURSDAY**! It couldn't have slipped your mind that fast! I very well spent nearly the entire night explaining it to you!" He took off his glasses, biting on the tip, "No, Reno …Reno …Reno …look …no. _RENO_. _**LOOK**_. I'm **GOING** to text you Zexion's number and _HE _can pick you up. Shut up, you're lucky I'm even looking after your ass as it is. Should just make you take a cab and … OH, this is _my _fault, is it? I'm sure it is!"

I sat down on the couch, turning the television on to occupy myself while he was yelling on the phone like a lunatic with whoever he was talking to.

"Goodbye, Reno. **GOODBYE** _**RENO**_." He closed the phone shut and slumped over on the side of the couch, heaving a sigh. "Sorry about that, Roxy. My older brother Reno is flying in from California to stay in the city for awhile. Idiot…" He shook his head. "Can't seem to get anything into that thick head of his …"

So some things were hereditary.

"And of all days to fly in he chooses St. Patrick's Day! You should have seen what it was like coming up here. Everyone was decked out in green and already getting intoxicated!"

"Why am I not surprised?" I mumbled, as I rested my arm against the couch and pressed my knuckles into my cheek.

Axel groaned when his phone rang two seconds later, and reached for it. "Demyx? Hey …wait, wait, wait, answer my question first before you go asking me anything. Did Zexion …he did? Alright? Yeah, he's coming up for some reason or another. Yeah, the idiot. So what now? Um, I …don't really know …" He cast a glance toward me. "Hold on." Axel turned to look at me, "Roxas, do you want to go to the parade today? Demyx is going and he doesn't want to go by himself."

"No."

"He said no." Axel replied, "Um, I don't know. He doesn't drink, Demyx. No. No! NO! Demyx Aldaine, so help me God if you do that I will drive my foot so hard up your ass you will feel like you were ass fucked a million times."

"…That's disgusting." I said, looking at Axel. "Besides, we can watch it on television."

Axel rolled his eyes and shook his head, "You can. No, I mean, no, we aren't but … I mean, I wouldn't mind going. Roxas doesn't want to. Yeah, I agree … yeah, it is more fun to be other there, but, oh, well …" He sighed, "Listen, I'll call you back, alright?"

"You're going to bother me into going, aren't you?" I said the minute he turned to look at me.

Axel sighed, standing up. "Either that or you risk Demyx blowing up my phone and your house phone."

I sighed, running a hand through my hair and then slumped over on the couch, "Alright." I got up out of the chair and turned to him, "I'll go. There's no point in trying to fight this stupidity."

xXx

I hate the cold.

I think I've mentioned this before, but I'll say it again. I hate the cold with a passion.

I also hate it when it's cold and I'm surrounded by tons of retarded people.

When I mean retarded people, I'm somewhat referring to Axel and Demyx, but more so Demyx than Axel because Axel …is …definitely …a less retarded version of Demyx. Besides, they weren't the only retarded people out this afternoon. The streets of Manhattan were littered with drunken idiots, most around our age, wearing various shades of green and gallivanting around the sidewalks screaming and carrying on. Demyx was close to being one of them. He was 'getting in touch with his Irish pride'. Axel filled me in later that Demyx isn't even Irish to begin with, he's _German_.

So there I was with my retarded flaming red haired live-in and his drunken bright green friend walking up Park Ave to 45th street so we could cross over to 5th get a good spot to see the parade from. The only thing that was a plus side to all of this was in crowds like this, it's easier to mesh in with the general public and escape from the pressures of being noticed. Axel had stopped us to buy something from a vendor, so Demyx took the opportunity to bother me.

"So …you Irish, Roxas?"

"No." A gust of strong wind blew by us and I buried the lower half of my face in my coat, groaning inwardly.

"Anything close to Irish?" Demyx asked, taking a long sip of God knows what from the green glass he held in his hand.

"Welsh. Or British. Whichever way you want to interpret it." I adjusted my hands in my pockets.

"Holy shit, Roxas …you're Austin Powers?" Demyx laughed loudly. He put on a terrible British accent and raised an eyebrow, leaning in close to me. "Are you feeling randy, baby?"

He was definitely wasted.

Axel came back, looking cheerfully at the two of us, "Sorry I took so long. You kept him in check, right, Roxy?"

I shook my head and Demyx began on another drunken rant. "Axel, Axel …Axel, get this. _Roxas _is actually _Austin Powers_. Are you his Felicity Shagwell?"

Axel looked from me to Demyx, and then promptly reached for Demyx's drink, and held it firmly away from him. "I think that's enough for you …Demy…" He swiveled the drink around in the glass, to see how much was left. "I think I'll hold onto this for the time being." He turned back to me and grinned, "Look what I got." He held up a green headband with two green furry pompoms. Standing up from the base of the headband was a small banner that read, "Happy St. Patrick's Day!"

I pulled my sunglasses down, peering at him over the edges. "You're kidding me."

"Nope!" He put one on, and grinned, "I got one for you too."

"…I'm not wearing that." I pushed them back up onto my face, wrinkling my nose.

"Oh, come on …" Axel waved it at me, "Get in the spirit, Roxy!"

I stared at him for a moment, and he only returned my look with a grin. Begrudgingly, I took the stupid head band from him and fitted it onto my head. "Happy?"

"Mmm …" He didn't say anything else, that stupid grin of his sticking to his face. He turned to look at Demyx who was swaying a bit dangerously on his feet, "Come on Demy! Let's get to the parade!"

"Anything for _you_, Felicity."

"Dem, I think I'm going to have to put a bit of a hold on your alcohol intake for the rest of the day."

xXx

I think after that parade, I'd seen enough kilts and pale skinny legs to last me a life time. And the skirts, _everywhere _I went _someone _was wearing a skirt or something that resembled it. It wasn't pleasant when I caught a glimpse of what was up that skirt, or lack thereof.

Demyx had sobered up a bit since the parade had started but he was still slurring his speech and not making much sense. Axel was busy cheering on people and Demyx added his drunken two cents when he felt obligated. I took a back seat to the two of them and just watched the people in the parade go on by.

Axel had tried to get me to start cheering but I simply glared at him and he left it at that. The parade was over sooner than I thought, and people began to clear away from the stands that had been staked up all alongside 5th Ave. Trash littered the floor in colors of green, white and the occasional silver. The atmosphere of cheer still loomed above our heads as people were still carrying on well after the parade had ended.

We walked back down to Grand Central where we would have originally caught the train, but Axel told us to wait inside Starbucks for a few while he stayed outside the store talking on his phone. Demyx in the meantime had decided it was nap time, and promptly fell asleep on the table. I sat around drinking a double shot espresso I had ordered.

A few minutes later, Axel's loud voice caught my attention and I looked out of the display of Starbucks to see Zexion and a tall man with hair almost as red as Axel's advancing toward him. Zexion shrugged when Axel said something to him, and left the red headed man standing with Axel. There was something about his mannerisms that reminded me of Axel …

Zexion instantly spotted me and a comatose Demyx by the window and sat down next to us.

"Hello, Roxas." He looked at Demyx, "I …presume he drunk himself into a stupor."

"You guessed right."

Zexion leaned over, "He will be fine after some rest and time." He turned to look at me, "I apologize for being unable to join you, Axel and Demyx at the parade, but my services were needed elsewhere." He looked past me to look at Axel and the red head now entering Starbucks. That must have been Axel's brother, Reno.

They dragged some seats over to us, Axel sitting down by me and Reno sitting down at Axel's side. "It was just like you to send someone else to do your dirty work; you are _such_ a lazy ass, Axel."

"It's called utilizing my resources." Axel rolled his eyes.

"Since when are friend's _resources_?" Reno asked.

Axel turned to look at Zexion who sat on Demyx's side, "You didn't mind, right Zex?" Zexion waved a hand nonchalantly, shrugging, though he said nothing. Axel jabbed a finger at Reno, wiggling it matter-of-factly. "See! He didn't mind."

"He didn't even _say _anything, Axel."

"Yeah, well, I know Zexion speech. That one clearly meant, 'I'm on Axel's side, and he's right and you're wrong so whatever.' So _there_."

"You know, you haven't changed at all since I've last seen you." Reno rolled his eyes. He turned to look past Axel and eyed me, "Who's the kid in the sunglasses?"

"He's not a_ kid_." Axel looked at me and grinned, "He's Roxy."

"…Roxy?" Reno echoed, as if he didn't believe what he was hearing.

"Roxy." Axel said again, "Though I'm the only one that can call him that. He'll kill you if you call him that."

Reno promptly ignored Axel and turned his attention back to me, "Axel, for Christ sakes, stop being such a dickhead and tell me his real name."

"It's Roxas." I cut in, lowering my glasses slightly so I could look at him over the edges of the rims, "Roxas Ardenwell."

"_The_ Roxas Ardenwell? One of the many heirs to the Ardenwell fortune?"

"That would be me." I rolled my eyes.

"Now _this _is interesting." Reno's lips unfurled into a grin, "Just what kind of company have you keeping lately little brother?"

"Just Roxas."

Reno looked at Axel, and then me and then back at Axel. "Right." He leaned his head back looking over his shoulder, "And here I was thinking the cameras were for you, Axel."

"Nope," Axel grinned, "All for Roxas. He doesn't like them very much, but they love him though. It's a love hate situation."

"Hm, I see …" Reno pushed his chair back and stood up, "Well, I'm going to go get something to drink. I'll be back."

When Reno was out of ear shot, Axel turned to look at me, "So, what do you think of him?"

"He seems like you only …more …refined."

"Ouch, low blow." Axel laughed, folding his arms. "A lot of people say that though, so I guess you wouldn't be the first. We look a lot alike, don't we?"

"Sure, flaming clown hair and all."

"Yeah, but unlike him, I'm _hot_." Axel whispered, just as Reno was coming back.

I groaned inwardly, making a sound that sounded halfway between a sigh and a feral growl. Demyx had woken up sometime later and asked Zexion to get him something strong and potent enough to get rid of the throbbing headache that was starting to form in the back of his head. We left Starbucks shortly after four, having spent nearly over an hour doing absolutely nothing. Zexion and Demyx caught the train back downtown with Reno who shouted at Axel that he'd see him in a few. Axel in turn dragged me in the direction of the trains heading uptown so we could get back to where I needed to be.

When we entered the apartment, Soro instantly ran up to the door barking. Sora was two steps behind her, bent down to pick her up and patted her head as Axel shut the door behind the two of us. He grinned at the two of us, "Axel, you got him to go to the parade?"

He grinned, "We had fun, didn't we?"

I shrugged, "If you want to call it that." Sora was still standing in front of us, blue eyes wide with Soro licking his cheek, "What the _hell _did you do to the dog, Sora?"

"You don't like it?" He looked down at Soro. She was dressed in a light green dress with a hood attached to the back. She had little green and white flowers tied on her ears. "I thought it was kind of cute …" Sora pushed his face against Soro's nose and she gave him an affectionate lick on the cheek, "You're so cute! Yes you are!"

As Sora was busy cooing over Soro, Axel scratched the back of his head hesitantly. "Well, I gotta get going. You know, with my idiot brother waiting back at my house and all that good stuff." He turned the knob and waved a hand at the both of us, "See ya tomorrow, Roxy."

"Brother?" Sora asked, curiously as the door shut behind him.

"Let's just say, Axel has a clone." I crossed my arm, "…Or something similar to it."

"Ahh …"

xXx

_My mother crossed her arms, shaking her head. She looked up at Xemnas, blue eyes fierce, "I have to tell Teier. I can't hide what you have done to Roxas from him anymore."_

"_And just what do you propose he will say?" Xemnas countered, keeping his composure. _

"_He would stand by me of course." My mother did not waver in her stance. "I cannot do this any longer Xemnas. I cannot. I can never forgive you for what you have done to my son. I have tried to think that perhaps we could lay this all to rest, forget about it, but as a mother, this goes against everything I hoped …" She shook her head, unable to find words to go on._

"_Ah, but I wonder how he would react to knowing that his wife was having an affair with a man that he trusts more than anything…I can hardly began to fathom how that would bode with him. Which betrayal is more devastating?"_

"_I think a man he trusts doing something this vile and disgusting to his youngest son, his innocent, harmless and vulnerable son …" My mother shook her head "…You wouldn't dare mention a breath of this to Teier...I'll take you to court if I have to. I'll take it to the press; the media would have a field day."_

"_But think of your son …think of the impact it would have on his life for years to come."_

"_They don't disclose the names of minors." _

"_No, but the courts would know it would have to do with one of your children. Either way you look at it Sabel, it is a lose-lose situation for the both of us. I am willing to make a compromise with you …" _

"_State your claims." _

xXx

"Hayner became your best friend for a number of years, then." Ansem folded his hands, "I imagine you two were inseparable. You talked about him quite a lot.

"He was the first friend I made when I started middle school."

"So was it through him that you met Pence and Olette?" Ansem asked.

"No. Olette was the twin sister of Sora's friend, Selphie. Olette went to a different elementary school than the rest of us when we were kids. Sora always hung around Selphie, and since Olette was always there with Selphie, she and I got to know each other. She knew Pence and introduced him to me, while I introduced the two of them to Hayner."

"And that is how you all came to know each other."

"Yeah."

"If you don't mind, can you tell me a little bit about all of them?"

"…Well, like most of the social circles I was involved with, we all came from rich families where appearance versus reality was always a prevalent issue. Pence's mother and father were both highly respectable lawyers, and like me, Hayner was the heir to some ungodly fortune. For him, it was his parent's chain of hotels that are littered throughout the world." I paused, "Olette was a different story. Her father was a retired rock and roll legend and her mother, a free lance artist and author. …Despite that, we all …meshed pretty well together."

"Do you still keep in touch with all of them?" Ansem asked.

"I …" I paused, looking up at a panel of wood that ran along the ceiling above Ansem's desk. The room lapsed into silence as I tried to will myself to talk but nothing came out every time I opened my mouth.

"We have time." He told me, "Take your time, it will come."

I tapped my finger against the seat and shook my head, "…No …"

"No, what?"

"I don't." I turned to look at him. This was what I had been trying to avoid telling him. It took a long time to sew up and heal the wounds that I had iccurred over these past few years. Yet, here I was about to unstitch and rip them open to the world after they had remained closed for so long. "I saw Olette and Pence for the first time in nearly two years while I was staying over at Axel's house. I ran into her while Axel and I were out grocery shopping."

"And why is that?"

"A lot of things happened." I replied airily.

"Things we will have to talk about sooner or later, Roxas." Ansem's voice was distant, "There is no rush though."

I racked my mind for somewhere, someplace to start. The clock seemed to be moving slower than imaginable and was causing me to grow more impatient by the minute. Finally, sighing, I started up again, "…Like I said before, Hayner was the first friend I made in 6th grade. I had Naminé, but she was going off to a different school, one that specialized in arts. Art was something that she was looking to progress into in her near future. We were in the same homeroom class…"

"And which of you was the first to introduce himself to the other?"

"Hayner did." I looked out of the window, "He was my science partner, and we had a couple of other classes together …but it was in science class that we really got to know each other." Closing my eyes, I exhaled lowly, "That was how our friendship started."

"Mmm …"

"Hayner was the complete opposite of me. Where he was loud, I was quiet. Brash, I had tact. Extroverted, I was introverted. They say opposites attract, and that's just what me and Hayner were."

"And Olette and Pence?" Ansem asked.

"They…" I trailed off, "When we all came together we were a group. Broken apart, Pence and Olette were always really close, and then there was Hayner and me who were really tight. Granted, we were all really close with one another, but …if you were to divide the group, that's how things would have looked to outsiders. Hayner was our de facto leader. Whenever he wanted to do something, Pence, Olette and I were usually behind him on it. Except when he wasn't sure of something which was rare, did he turn to one of us for our opinion on a matter. He never said it, but my opinion meant the most to him, I knew it did."

"And how did you feel about that?"

"Needed?" I questioned. "Wanted?"

"Like you were a person?"

"You could say that." I tapped my foot against the wall in thought.

"Well, Roxas. I hate to end us right here, but we've exceeded the limits of our time." He chuckled, "We are making good progress, and I would like to pick up here next we meet." As I sat up, he followed me over to the door. He grasped it firmly about to open it for me. "Keep at it," He told me, "Things will get better."

I nodded, "I hope."

xXx

"_Teier! It isn't his fault! Don't take this out on him!" The voice of my mother voice rang out loud and clear as something shattered downstairs. _

"_**HE**__!" My father's voice thundered over hers, "Is the __**reason**__ my wife betrayed me. __**He **__is the reason all that I have worked for will go to shit! __**He **__is filthy and disgusting for letting this happen to him! __**HE **__is the reason for everything that has gone wrong with this family! __**IT **_**IS**_** HIS FAULT**__!"_

"_Roxas …why is dad so mad?" Sora asked me in the darkness, "And why is he saying such hurtful things to mom?" _

_I shook my head not having the heart to tell Sora was what really going on. "I don't know." _

_Large, heavy footsteps thundered up the floor, followed by quick and light taps. "Teier! Please!" My mother's voice was close to our door. The knob on the door turned and it flew open, causing Sora and myself to nearly jump out of our beds._

"_You …little …shit …" Alcohol was heavy on his breath; I could smell it reeking from his clothing as he stumbled forward into our darkened room. He pointed at me, "You let him get a piece of you whenever he wanted it, hm? Let him use you like a cheap slut. Like his personal little prostitute. Let him fuck you whenever he wanted to, didn't you? Think it was cute? Did you enjoy it? I bet you did, you little sick shit …"_

"_Teier!" My mother called again, "Stop __**IT**__!"_

"_Shut __**up**__, you scarlet woman. I'm talking to your slut of a son!" He laughed darkly, stumbling on his feet. As he advanced to me his left hand raised as if he were about to hit me, I rolled out of my bed and quickly rounded around his other side, wary of what he was about to do._

"_Roxas, sweetie. Come to me," My mother's voice sounded out from behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see her holding onto Sora, who had left the room at some time during my father's drunken tirade. _

_When I went out into the hallway, I saw Rikku was down at the end of the hallway crying her eyes out as Cloud tried to usher her back to bed. She grabbed onto his hand and shook her head, burying it against his chest. He stroked her head affectionately, looking down the hallway at me, my mother and Sora gathered at the front of our bedroom. _

"_Sabel, what the __**fuck **__do you think you are doing?" He managed to slur out, walking toward the door. "You want to protect this little shit? What for?" _

"_I will __**never **__allow you to lay a __**HAND **__on my children, Teier Ardenwell. Not in your entire lifetime will you __**ever **__harm these children with your hands while I am still alive and well." She told him fiercely. _

xXx

"You look kind of bummed today, Roxy, what's wrong?" Axel asked when he found me sulking around in the kitchen on Monday morning. I shook my head, fingering the side of the mug I had been drinking from earlier. He sat down across from me on the other side of the table, "Well, I got something that'll cheer you up." Axel told me, leaning forward and grinning.

I cast my eyes upward at him.

He continued on without even waiting for me to reply, "Ever been to the giant pillow fight down in Union Square?"

I don't know when it started, but for the past two or three years, there have been yearly massive pillow fights in Union Square. It's this giant jamboree of people beating the crap out of other people with their pillows, and can get pretty wild at times. The first time I ever went was with Hayner, Pence and Olette back during the winter of our junior year. It was Hayner's idea for us to just skip school and join in. We ended up having a lot of fun.

"Axel …" I started.

"We don't have to go, but, I think you'd have fun." He smiled, "You know, my jobs to make sure you're all happy and shit, and not sullen and—"

"Axel, shut up." I sighed into my hand. "We'll go." I pushed my chair back from the table, catching a glimpse of Axel's usual grin out of the corner of my eye. Soro bounced after me when she saw me leaving the kitchen, whining at my heels. "Feed the dog, would you? Her foods in the cabinet all the way on the top left."

"Roger that, Roxy!"

I went into my room get my coat, and grabbed one of the many throw pillows Sora had bought me to take along with me. When I came back Axel had Soro eating out of her dish, and was busy talking to her. "I'm ready."

"Oh …" He stood up, "I was going to buy us some pillows on the way down there. But if you don't mind messing that one up then go ahead …I guess you can bring it."

I shrugged, "Whatever."

We were out of the apartment and on the train within a matter of minutes. Axel stopped by some random linen store to pick up a pillow. Union Square was packed with people, all of whom were carrying pillows and talking rather loudly. Axel and I moved in toward the center of the action, squeezing in past people who stood around not doing anything.

"The middle is always best." Axel told me, grinning. "It's where all the action takes place. Look alive, Roxas, I think people are starting!"

I was knocked senseless by the back of someone's elbow before I could even raise my pillow. Axel had been there to catch me from hitting the floor and leaned down by my side to help me back up to my feet. He grabbed my hand to keep me stable, and motioned for me to start hitting people.

I didn't have any more mishaps with any more elbows or stray limbs, very well using Axel as somewhat of a shield from anything too destructive. After the pillow fight was over, it had gotten progressively colder so Axel dragged me off to Starbucks in the giant Barnes and Nobles to get some hot chocolate. If there was one thing Axel was good at, it was distraction. While we had been out at the pillow fight, I had forgotten about the flashback I had last night.

God, that flashback.

It's no secret that I have a shitty relationship with my father. Thing of it is, I could never remember where it had started. I had forgotten so much of my childhood, repressed it so that I couldn't remember anything, I never knew some of those memories existed. Those were the roots. Ansem had said everything would come to me in time …I guess he was right.

"You know, I hate smoking." Axel spilled out rather abruptly.

I looked up at him, "…What?"

"I know, I do it all the time. But I hate it."

"Where is this coming from?" I asked.

"I don't know, I was just thinking." He shrugged, "Sometimes I think out loud and some things just slip out. Ah, but what can you do about it?"

"…Why do you smoke then?"

"Well …" Axel tapped his finger against his face. "I started when I was about sixteen. I don't really know, actually. It wasn't become of peer pressure or anything, it was just …something I did. I'm more of a …I don't even know what to call it. Casual smoker? …A habit more than a need …?"

"But it's still a stupid decision."

"Well, yeah, we all make them." Axel shrugged, "Any vices you want to talk about?"

"Not in particular." I swirled the contents of my drink around, poking at the frothy chocolate mix.

"Mmm …" He looked over my shoulder, "Shit."

"What?" I looked over my shoulder. The sky had long passed from its dim light blue color and was now turning to the familiar dark purple sky of night. "…Oh."

He checked his watch. "It's getting late. We should have been back at least an hour ago…" Axel hopped down from his seat and motioned for me to follow him, "Come on."

xXx

Sora was pacing the living room when Axel and I got back into the house. Riku was sitting on the sofa, on the phone talking to someone, looking up at Sora every few minutes and then returning back to his conversation. When he saw me and Axel enter the house, he instantly paced over to our direction, grabbing at my hand and shaking his head.

"Roxas, thank God you're home …" He turned to look at Axel, "I tried calling you guys three times, where were you?"

"At the big pillow fight down in Union Square." Axel shook his head, "My phone never went off …"

Before Sora could say anything, the house phone went off and he instantly leapt toward it, grabbing it off of the hook. Riku had just gotten off of his phone with whoever he was talking to and stood up as Sora began to pace the living room once again.

"Yes, yes. No, he's home …" Sora looked up at me, worry beginning to engulf his face, "Rikku, slow down and try and speak coherently …I know, I know, but I can't understand you."

"What's going on?" I asked Sora, crossing my arms.

The color drained from his face, nodded his head and hung up the phone so quickly he didn't even hear me the first time. He dashed quickly down the hallway to his room and then came back into the living room where he began zipping up his coat and readjusting his scarf over his face.

"Sora." I tried again, growing a bit irritated.

"It's Dad," Sora looked over his shoulder at me, "He's in the hospital."


	14. Waterbaby

**14; waterbaby**

My father was at some hospital in Westchester. Sora went with Riku in his car, while I rode with Axel. The press was already swarming our apartment building, having probably caught an inkling of what was going on. My mother, Rikku and Cloud were already at the hospital. Sora said he hadn't found out what was wrong with our father as of yet. Rikku had been too hysterical on the phone to get any coherent words out, so Cloud picked up and just told us that we needed to get up there as fast as we could. So there I was staring out of the window as I drummed my fingers along the car door, lost in thought.

"You know, you didn't ..." I trailed off not finishing my thought.

He shook his head, "Don't worry about it."

I sighed, reclining into the seat and folded my arms over my chest.

"Something on your mind?" He asked.

I shook my head again. He dropped the conversation after that and focused on driving.

When we finally did arrive at the hospital, we were ushered in and taken to a private waiting room where my mother, Rikku, Cloud and surprisingly, my grandmother, Yumi, were waiting for us. Rikku instantly made a lunge for Sora, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing him tight, as he reciprocated the hug and patted her back. Cloud was off to the side, arms crossed with his usual nonchalant exterior radiating off of him.

After I received the same treatment from her, she turned her sights on Riku and then Axel, giving them both hugs (though she tended to linger longer on Axel more so than anyone else). Afterwards, she sat down next to Cloud, and pulled another tissue out of her pocket, rubbing at her already too red nose.

My mother was next to address us, looking terrible and withdrawn. My grandmother got up with her, reaching out to hug me as Sora hugged mom, and then we both switched up hugging the other. My mother was first to speak, "…It feels like it's been so long since I've last seen you. Oh, you two are so handsome …have I ever told you that? You look so handsome and …and …"

"Now now, clear those tears away my young daughter. My son is strong, he will pull through this. It is alright." My grandmother hunched over my mother, kissing her cheek softly and brushing her thumbs under my mother's eyes. She patted her on the back sitting her back down. "But, God willing, if it is his time to go …then it is his time to go. You have bore strong sons, Sabel. They will take care of you in your time of need. Do not fret."

I sat down next to Axel while Sora talked to Cloud about my father's condition. A few minutes later, Sora sat down harshly, sighing as he did. "He had a heart attack."

"What are they doing now?"

"Stabilizing him. They have to run all sorts of tests and other stuff before we can actually see him." Sora peered over at me, "How are you feeling about …all of this?"

"I don't know…" I replied, crossing my arms and slouching back in my chair.

My father has never …shown me the type of love that he's shown for Sora, or Cloud or Rikku. Granted, he's been distant with all of us ever since we were born; I was always the one who got singled out for _every little thing_. Ever since that thing with Xemnas surfaced, and mom told him what happened, I've become the bane of his existence. I have one of the worst relationships a child could ever have with their parent. And now my father could have possibly been on his death bed, and how did I feel about that?

Should I care? I mean, he's my father …but …I … I didn't know what to feel at the moment.

The door opened and my mother instantly rose to her feet, walking over to meet the doctor who had just come into the room. After talking to my mother, he quickly ushered the rest of us in to see my father, leaving Axel and Riku behind in the waiting room.

xXx

I don't have fond memories of hospitals.

Ever since I had been a kid, I had been in and out of them for one reason or another. I had a few broken bones in my childhood, but … my teenage years involved more …how should I say, preventable matters? Either way, every time I found myself in one, the experience had been far from pleasant.

It was different I guess to be the one looking in for a change, to see my father hooked up to all those tubes, unconscious as he was. Sora and I had seen him first. I stayed standing stagnant while Sora leaned over to look at him briefly before reclining.

Cloud as usual saw our father momentarily before returning to remain aloof on the wall so that my mother, Rikku and grandmother could get through. They took the longest out of all of us. Rikku had already started tearing up when she saw our father. My grandmother was at her side immediately, murmuring softly to her while my mother leaned over the railing of my father's bed and kissed his forehead, speaking quietly from where she had her lips pressed. I left the room shortly after.

It was now going on nearly eight o'clock as I sat outside in the waiting room again. Cloud was talking on the phone to Leon in a hushed voice and Rikku was at his side, her head resting against his shoulder. Sora, Riku, my mother and grandmother were still in the room.

I looked up to see Axel come back into the waiting room. He turned his attention on me as he sat down in the vacant chair at my side. "We've been here for awhile …"

"I know."

"You thirsty?" He grinned, "I lucked out and got two water bottles from the machine out in the hallway."

I took one, sticking it between my legs. "Thanks …"

He popped his own open and took a sip, "I just got back from talking to Sora. He said for me to take you home anytime you want to go." He glanced back out of the waiting room door and then back to me, "Are you ready now?"

I turned to look over my shoulder and then turned back to Axel. He was waiting for me to answer with expectant eyes. "I …guess. What about Sora?"

"Riku's taking him home. He wants to stay for a little while longer to make sure your mom's alright before he leaves."

I shrugged, "Then I guess we can go." I turned around to look at Cloud who was still on the phone.

He looked up at me when he saw me standing up at the same time as Axel. Putting the phone down for a minute he put his hand over the receiver and looked up at me, "You're leaving?"

"Yeah. ...I don't think there's any more reason for me to stay here anymore." I replied.

"Axel, you're taking him back home I presume?" Cloud asked, not particularly waiting for an answer, "Be careful getting back, okay?"

I nodded, walking over to him and leaning down to give Rikku a kiss on the head, "Where's she staying tonight?"

"Most likely coming home with me." Cloud shrugged.

"How are you getting home?"

"I have Leon's car."

I took one last look at my younger sister and then at Cloud and stood up at my full height. "See you, Cloud." He nodded at me, and put the phone up back to his ear resuming his conversation. I turned back to Axel, walking over to him as he stood at the door of the waiting room, waiting for me. "I have to go see Sora for two seconds and then we can leave."

"Take your time," He yawned. "I'm in no rush."

I walked down the hallway to my father's room and poked my head inside. My mother was holding my father's hand and Sora was on the opposite side of the bed at my grandmother's side. Riku was sitting next to him. He instantly turned around to look at me when he heard the door open up slightly. Rushing out of his seat, he hurried over to me where I had creaked open the door.

"Are you leaving now?" He whispered.

"Yeah." I looked past him at my mother who had picked her head up at the sounds of our voices, "Can you …you know …"

"Send mom your love and all that stuff? Gotcha." Sora smiled softly at me.

"Right." I looked back at him again, "You should get back."

"Alright then," Sora smiled, "I'll see you soon, Rox."

He closed the door and I went walking back down the hallway to where Axel was waiting for me by the elevator. He nodded off to the left, instructing for me to follow him. He pressed the down button on the elevator, crossing his arms as I waited beside him. The elevator chimed and we both got on. As the doors closed, I rummaged around in my pockets for my sunglasses, putting them on and sighed.

Axel looked at me as if he were about to say something but didn't as the doors of the elevator opened when we hit the main floor. Security was there to escort us through the back hallways of the hospital and lead us out to the parking lot where Axel's car was. A few minutes alter, Axel pulled out of the parking lot and began to drive off down the street in the direction of the highway.

"So how was he?" Axel asked.

I propped my face up against the knuckles of my right hand, shaking my glasses off my face and pulling them off with my free hand. I folded them between my fingers, and took to looking out the window at the flashing lights that passed us by, "He had a heart attack. It took awhile but they were able to revive him …but …" I paused, "…They'll have to keep him under observation for the time being should anything arise."

He pulled up to a red light, "How's your family dealing with it?"

"The women—my mom, grandmother and Rikku—are a mess right now. Cloud's putting up his usual façade of apathy but I know he's concerned and Sora's doing his best to try and keep everyone together."

"And what about you?"

I thought for a moment. "…I don't know. Axel, by now I'm pretty sure you've caught on to the type of relationship I have with the man." I mumbled, resting my forehead on the lower portion of the window in a somewhat painful position that was making my neck start to hurt. I hunched up my shoulders, adjusting myself. "Can we just drop it for now?"

"Sure, Rox." He replied, his voice lowering gently.

I sighed, closing my eyes and let the gently hum of the car lull me to sleep.

xXx

I woke up to Axel singing along with the radio, tapping his hands on the wheel to the car as he swung his head from side to side at times. Blearily, I gazed down at the clock above the radio just as Axel was pulling into the garage. I sat up, wiping away at my mouth, and swallowed to wet my throat.

Axel turned the car off and turned to look at me, "Had a nice nap, Sleeping Beauty?"

I ignored him and got out of the car. I stumbled as I rubbed the bottoms of my palms against my eyes in an effort to clear the sleep away from them. Axel slammed his car door behind me and began walking with me out of the garage. We crossed the street and entered my building. The moment we got upstairs, Soro was already at the door with her tail wagging and wide eyes fixated on me. She followed after me as I stepped down into the living room and sank down heavily onto the couch. Sora had left the television on in our haste to get out the door earlier that afternoon.

I shrugged my coat off my shoulders, kicked off my shoes and flopped over on the couch. I let the sofa envelope me as I sunk into its depths and inhaled loudly. With my eyes cast toward the ceiling, I threw my coat over my face suppressing the urge to scream as I fisted my hands into it's fabric.

The couch sunk in by my feet, and I dragged them up protectively as I heard Axel sigh at my side. "Alright Roxas, talk to me."

I shook my head, biting on the insides of my cheeks. "I'm supposed to hate him."

"Says who?"

"…Says me." I mumbled into my coat, tapping my foot along the ground. I threw the jacket off my face, peering at Axel who was looking at me. "Is this going to turn into one of those talks where I'm supposed to share my feelings with you and you're supposed to talk me through them or something?"

"It can if you want it too." Axel replied dismissively. He removed his glasses from his face, massaging the bridge of his nose. "I'm just trying to do my part as a venting source. You seemed like you were upset, so I just prompted the conversation. It's what you do with this time that matters. Mr. Wise might refer to it as _utilizing your resources_."

I looked at him and he stared right back at me. His green eyes were illuminated by the mute television screen at our side and the bright light that was turned on by the front door. I sighed, getting situated into my spot again and pulling my coat back up over my face. I started tapping my foot again and then started to speak. "I'm only telling you the following bit strictly for background purposes only," I shifted my arms, so that I was laying on my right, and my left was fisting the fabric of my coat. "I've never had a decent relationship with my father. Actually, it was pretty nonexistent growing up. I was always the _troubled _child, landing myself in situations that would in one way or another make him 'look bad' as he would often say."

"And that …"

"That's why I say I'm supposed to hate him. Axel, he's in the hospital now …I understand that, but I …just …as harsh as it may sound, I can't bring myself to care at the moment. I understand that he's my father, but that man …" _He's fucked you up too badly beyond all recognition for you to even consider having a relationship with him. _"…"

"Mmm …" Axel's weight shifted on the couch and his thigh brushed against my foot. He waited momentarily for me to say something, but when I didn't, he started to talk. "The thing is …he's still your father."

"I know that …"

"But it also takes a lot to forgive someone." He murmured, "…Do you think you'd be willing to do that?"

"…I don't know …" My voice trailed off as I turned to look at the television.

Axel was began tapping his chin in thought and then sighed. He crossed his arms over his chest, stole a couple of glances at me and slumped back in the chair as he cast his eyes skyward. Eventually he broke the silence by saying the stupidest thing I'd heard him say in a very long time.

"Roxy?" Axel prompted me, his eyes still looking toward the ceiling.

"What?"

"Going off topic for a bit ..." He leaned forward, placing both of his hands on the side of him, "What would you say if I told you I wanted to create a roller coaster called the Orrrgassmmmm. It'd be like …you would get into a penis shaped box car thing and youshoot off into a woman's mouth and you're in a dark cavern for like ...the entire ride."

"That …is the stupidest idea I've ever heard in my entire life. And if anyone has an idea more stupid than that, then I might have to kill them to save the breeding pool."

"…No! Really! Think about it! It'd be great. We could put it in like …an adult's only amusement park."

"Who are _we_?" I asked, sitting up to look at him disbelievingly.

He tapped his cheek in though, and then grinned at me shaking his head. "You know …_us._"

"No, I—" I had to hold onto my thought momentarily because the phone started ringing. I turned around on the couch, reaching forward to look at the number. It was Sora's cell phone. I clicked the phone on, pressing it to my ear, "Hello?"

"Roxas?" His voice sounded distant, and a bit shaky. "Roxas, are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here." I sat up in the chair, looking up at Axel who was looking at me questionably.

"…I'm not going to be home tonight, alright? So I need you to ask Axel if he can do me a big big _BIG_ favor and take you down to his loft for the night." He paused.

"Sora, just where _are _you?" I asked.

His voice lowered, "At Riku's place …" He sighed, "…I just …I just need …"

I sighed, "Sora, don't worry about it." I looked up at Axel again and then got up out of the couch as I paced the length of the living room. Soro lifted her head up at me, running over to where I was now standing in the middle of the room. "It's one night, I'm tired and you're probably as wiped out as I am. Just get some rest and I'll see you in the morning."

I could literally hear the relief in his voice, "…Thanks, Roxas. And _please _tell Axel I'll make this up to him somehow …um …"

"Sora."

"Alright, alright …I'll see you! Try not to cause Axel too much trouble …" The line went dead, and I sighed heavily as I hung up the phone. Turning around, I headed down the hallway toward my room to pack a small bag for my stay at Axel's house.

"What's the deal?" Axel asked, standing at my door.

I was busy sifting through drawers to find something to sleep in, "Sora's with Riku." I turned to look at him, "You're stuck with me for the night."

"Really?" Axel grinned, folding his arms, "Are you sure has hasn't run off to England again for some secret eloping ceremony?"

I stared at him incredulously, "You …" I took out a folded pair of socks, throwing them on my bed, "Are an absolute idiot."

Axel sat down on my bed, fixing the pile of clothes I had thrown haphazardly onto the bed, "You know, Roxas …you own entirely too much black."

"If you're going to come in here and harass me, make yourself useful and get me a bag out of my closet that I can put this stuff in." I grumbled, slamming the drawer I was rifling through shut.

Axel readjusted his hat, and walked over to my closet and threw it open. I left to go get my toothbrush and toothpaste from out of the bathroom. When I returned, Axel was standing in front of my closet with his head bowed down and his back to me.

"What are you doing?" I asked, "Did you get the bag?"

He shook his head, mumbling something to himself. He reached out an arm to hand off my Ramones bag and then turned around to look at me. I nearly did a double take when I saw what was in his hand. He looked up at me, green eyes curious. "…This can't be you."

It was a photo... I wasn't facing the camera, nor was I aware that my picture was being taken. I was standing on a bridge in Central Park staring down into my reflection of the water that flowed beneath. There was a smile on my face. It was faint and I wasn't showing any teeth, but the smile was there. I remembered this. …I remembered it because it was Hayner who had taken this picture.

_You never smile except when you think you're alone, Roxas ...or when you're with me. Why is that? _

_I …_

Had I not been trying to curb my regular impulses, the first thing I would have probably done was snatch the photo frame out of Axel's hand and yell at him to get out of my room or fuck off. These days though …well these days were different.

I sighed, taking the picture from him, stuffing it away into my closet where he most likely had found it, "That's from a long time ago, Axel. Don't bother asking me about it, I won't talk about it." I went back to the Ramones bag, and started stuffing clothing into it.

He bit his lip, rubbing his arm. "…I didn't—"

"Axel, just drop it …" I turned to look at him, "Please?"

"Alright," He sat down on my bed again, crossing his arms and propped himself up against the wall behind him. He removed his keys from out of his pocket and started to play with them, throwing them up and catching them or twirling them around on his fingers

I zipped the bag up and stood up to cut the conversation short. "I'm ready to go."

He sat up, uncrossing his legs and pocketed his keys. As we stepped out into the hallway, he turned around to look at me, "Are we taking the dog?"

"…I guess so …" I looked at Soro who was busy resting on the couch. I went to pack her some food and tried to wrestle her into her cage even as she protested, growled and whined at me. As soon as I had the cage locked she turned around, pawing at me and whining as if trying to get me to let her back out. I handed the cage off to Axel, and grabbed my own bag.

"Ready."

Axel pointed toward the door, "Let's go."

xXx

Demyx was lazing around on the couch flipping through channels on the TV when we got in to the apartment. He instantly perked up when he saw us entering, "Jesus! What took you so …" He trailed off, "…long?" He turned to look at me, pointing limply, "Don't tell me his brother went missing again."

"No, just a little bit of …" Axel rubbed his head, "…Um …"

I cut Axel off. "I'm here for the night. That's all you need to know." Unlatching the front to Soro's cage, I let her out and she instantly went off running to Demyx, who was waiting for her with open arms.

"Ahhh! You brought Soro!" Demyx went on completely distracted from our earlier conversation, "Hi! Hi baby! Did you miss Uncie Demy? I know you did! It doesn't matter that Zexion is going to freak out that you're here, is it? Nope! Not at all!" Soro barked at him in response, and went in to try and lick his cheek.

"Is Reno here? And what about Zexion?" Axel asked as I was moving Soro's cage to the side.

"Reno's still out …doing whatever it is he's doing." Demyx looked up at the clock, "He should be back in …well …now actually. Zexion stepped out momentarily to Union Square. Said he had to go return a book to Barnes and Nobles. That sorta thing."

"Jeez …" Axel turned around toward me as I stood up, and dropped my bag off down beside her cage, "Uh …Rox, there's a little change in sleeping arrangements tonight, just so you know. My brother's staying in my room while he's here and …"

"Let me guess. The living room has become your new room?" I offered, not letting him finish what he was about to say.

"Basically …" Axel walked away from me and over to the kitchen to open up the refrigerator. "You hungry, Roxy? When's the last time you ate anything anyway?"

"…While we were at Starbucks." I replied, "And I really didn't eat anything while we were there."

"Demyx, what the hell do we have to _eat _in here?" Axel asked.

"I don't know. Does it look like I go to the store?" Demyx followed Axel into the kitchen, "You want me to call Zexion to go to Trader Joes and pick us up some stuff on his way back?"

"No, I want _you _to learn to take your lazy ass out to the store! It's not like you do anything in here _anyway, _Dem!"

"I keep the party atmosphere going!" Demyx yelled back defensively. "I do tons by doing that! Do you know how hard that is?"

I sat down on the couch while the two of them continued to bicker in the kitchen. Axel was going on about how no one in the house kept the fridge properly stocked and Demyx yelled back that if he wanted to keep food in the house he had legs to walk himself to nearest store and buy them stuff.

The front door opened and closed about five minutes and a voice that heavily resembled Axel's called out, "Is my slacker brother back yet?"

"Said slacker brother has been back for a little while now and would like it if his older slacker brother would get the hell out of his house already!" Axel yelled back. He met Reno halfway, "Just _how _long are you **staying** here?"

"It's only been half a week, Axel." Reno was taking his suit jacket off, sitting his shades in his messy red hair, "Chill …this sort of thing takes time."

"What the hell are you doing _anyway_?" Axel asked.

"I told you! I'm scouting out new talent for the agency. You know how this procedure goes."

"Can't you go scout out new talent over in friggin Los Angeles?" Axel moaned, "I want my room back already. This is getting tiring, Reno."

"New York City is always brimming with fresh new talents just waiting to be discovered. Just look at how you got your start in the business. Who—"

Axel held a hand out in front of his brother's face, "Shut it right there. I'm _sick _of that story." He crossed his arms, "Whatever. I'm going to go call Zexion and tell him to get us food because you're just too retarded to, Demyx."

Demyx rolled his eyes, still stroking Soro, "Don't take your butt hurt out on me." He walked past me and headed off toward his room.

Reno walked past me, turned to look at me and then back to Axel who was busy muttering under his breath as he pressed various numbers into a cordless phone, "What's the little Ardenwell doing here?"

"…He just is." Axel responded, regarding me for a moment.

"That's not a valid answer, little brother." Reno replied, trying to probe deeper.

"WOULD YOU _GO_ SOMEWHERE? I'M TRYING TO CALL THE ONLY INTELLIGENT PERSON IN THIS HOUSE BESIDES ROXAS!" Axel yelled, slamming the phone down when Reno wouldn't budge.

"Roxas, would you like to tell me why you are here this evening?" Reno asked as Axel fumed in the background.

I looked up from the news at Reno, and then shifted my focus again. "I'm Axel's call girl. I'm waiting for him to go get some whips, gags and chains so I can start my naughty expeditions." I replied dully, trying to hold back a glare from reaching my features.

"So I guess those rumors about your little sarcastic bite were true. An interesting person you are Roxas Ardenwell …" Reno drummed his fingers against his chin, a grin unfurling on his lips. "Very …interesting indeed."

"I'm sure."

He grinned at me, leaving the vicinity and walked down the hallway. I turned to look at Axel who was pacing the kitchen, and gesturing with his arms at nothing in particular. Demyx came out of his room, Soro as his heels. When Axel saw Demyx he hung up the phone and turned to look at him.

"Zexion's on his way home with food. _YOU _need to learn what it is to go outside and BUY something besides …WHATEVER it is you _BUY_!" Axel yelled, pointing the phone at him.

"Yeah yeah …whatever." Demyx rolled his eyes.

Axel left the kitchen area, and walked over to where I was sitting down on the couch. He collapsed into a heap by my thigh, and peered up at me with curious green eyes. "Sorry about that, Roxas."

I shrugged, turning my attention back to the news. He sat up propping one arm against the edge of the chair, resting his chin on the folded arm. Demyx came over to the two of us, sitting down next to me with Soro resting in his lap. He tucked one foot underneath his thigh and was eating something out of a bowl.

"Dem, what are you eating?" Axel asked, sitting up.

"Chopped celery, peanut butter and rice." Demyx answered, looking at Axel.

"…That's disgusting." Axel blanched, sticking his finger in his mouth.

Demyx waved his fork around. "Well, there's not much to eat around here. So, don't knock it till you try it."

"…Right."

The front door opened again and closed. Zexion had arrived, his arms full of plastic bags and laid them all along the counter, sighing loudly. He stilled instantly, turning around slowly and looking at where the three of us, plus Soro were sitting. "…Dog."

"Yeah …Roxas is staying over and he brought his …" Demyx looked down at Soro and then swallowed hard, "…Dog."

"GET THAT THING _OUT _OF HERE!" Zexion yelled, looking like he was going to have a heart attack.

The following events that transpired have made me realize just how normal my house is. Soro hopped out of Demyx's lap, and started walking over to Zexion who was on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I've never seen Zexion, who if not composed on most accounts, revert to something resembling a eight year old who's just been scared shitless.

Eventually things had winded down to a point where Demyx had taken Soro into his room for the night and Zexion, still a bit shaken up, had retired to his room for the night. Reno had been locked up in Axel's room the entire night most likely taking care of business, Axel had told me. According to him, his room had been turned into a miniature office with various papers containing contracts and other paraphernalia littering its four corners.

Sounded like some job.

Axel had told me I could either take an aero bed or sleep on the couch. Either way I didn't really care. When I came back from the bathroom, Axel was lying on the couch with his hair in a ponytail, his glasses on and was dressed in a pair of baggy pants and a black wife beater. He was busy flipping through channels on the television when I came back into the living room. The bed was already inflated at the base of the couch and he had thrown some sheets on top.

"I'm going to take the couch, alright?" Axel asked, switching his attention to me. He left the TV on Cartoon Network where Adult Swim was on.

"That's fine." I bent over by where I had thrown my bag previously next to Soro's bag. I didn't think to pack a pillow or anything, not that I needed to. And frankly, I didn't care, either. I was drained from the entire day, and at that moment just wanted to fall over and go to sleep.

Axel rolled off the couch and walked over to the front hallway to turn out the light so that the entirety of the kitchen and living room area were shrouded in darkness. He crossed back over to the couch, sinking back into it and resuming the same position he had earlier. "You tired?"

I buried my face into the pillow, wrapping my arms around it and nodded. He rummaged under his back for the remote, and turned the TV off. I opened my eyes, getting adjusted to the darkness, before turning around and facing Axel. "Axel?"

"Hm?" His weight shifted on the couch.

"Can …" I started, "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Go ahead."

I bit my lip and then rolled over on my side so that my back was facing toward him. "He wasn't always so bad. My father, that is." I paused, "He was always a stern man, but I think underneath it all … he genuinely cared for his family. However, we always came after his work. That was always, or so it seemed, to be his his main priority." I sighed, "It only became worse when he began to blame certain things that happened on me.

"Certain ...things like what?" Axel asked. I grew quiet. When I didn't respond for a long time, he spoke again. "You don't have to tell me what happened but …"

"It's ... just amazing what a parent won't believe. Or what they'll say to their child when they learn the truth about them. About something that happened to them. What they'll blame them for." I tried to control the shaking in my hands, "What they'll say to them, what they think of them …"

"Roxas."

When I turned around, Axel was kneeling at my side with his hand gripping me firmly on the shoulder. In the castoff of light coming in from the street below, I could see those malachite eyes focused on my own blue ones. They were stern, an expression I didn't see too often on Axel, rarely at all.

He leaned forward, "It's all right." He relaxed his grip, letting his arm drop to his side. Axel crossed his legs and sat down by my side. "You're right. Sometimes the people that are supposed to care about us and look after us can be the ones that hurt us the most. Family, friends …or anyone else who comes into your life is bound to judge you at one point in your life and …might end up hurting you in the end. It's …up to you to decide how you're going to take it."

I turned to look at him, lowering my eyes briefly, "What would …you do in a situation like that?"

Axel's eyes creased slightly, and he grinned at me, "I'd say, fuck them. My own personal philosophy pretty much denies the bullshit of other people. Keeps my stress levels down, if you know what I mean." He shrugged, "I can't do it all the time though …but I like to weed out negative influences in my life." He peered at me, "In no way shape or form am I telling you to do what I do because we're both two different people …and ultimately you have to decide the best course of action for yourself. But, we can't escape being hurt, Rox …it's a part of life."

"Hm …"

"Sleep on it. It's been a long day and you're probably exhausted. We can talk about this in the morning …" He reclined and began to stand up.

I nodded without saying anything. I shifted in the sheets, burrowing deeper into the mess I had formed around my body.

"Good." He got back on the couch, readjusting his sheets and lying back down. "Night, Rox."

"Goodnight ...Axel."


	15. Nothing Better

**15; nothing better**

"_Roxas, do you know why you're here?" _

_My father and mother sat at my side, while I sat in a huge fluffy couch, dangling my feet off its edge. I looked up at the man across from me. He had long, blonde hair that fell to his shoulders and a thick mustache that was the same color as his hair. His eyes looked red in the light, but were focused and somewhat welcoming. _

_I shook my head as I lowered my gaze to the floor, "No."_

_The man replied. "Roxas, I am Dr. Ansem Telford. I help other children such as yourself with different things that may be too much for them to handle."_

"_Look, I don't care about if he knows why he's here. We were referred to you because he's not responding to anything or anyone anymore. Can you just get on with this …therapy or whatever it is you shrinks do?" My father seethed. _

"_Teier …please …" My mother murmured, pressing a hand against her cheek and shaking her head._

"_Mr. Ardenwell, please refrain from interrupting my conversation with your son or I will have you removed from this room at once." Ansem looked to my father, "I will talk to you and your wife about Roxas once this is over."_

"_I apologize for the interruption, Dr. Telford." My mother said softly, "Please …continue. My husband and I will leave the room now so that you may talk to Roxas in private." _

"_I'm not going _**anywhere**, _Sabel." My father spat. _

"_Mr. Ardenwell, I advise you listen to your wife's words." Ansem said, his voice still calm. "I do not wish to call security to come and escort you out of here." _

_My father glared at Ansem, and then without any further ado, he stood and trampled past my mother. My mother turned to Ansem, bowed to him and closed the door. My father's loud voice faded out as they entered the waiting room. Ansem turned to me again, "Now …Roxas …" _

xXx

I woke up somewhat early the next morning, unable to sleep any further through the night. The sun was already rising and people were beginning to crowd the streets as the city was set into motion once again. I pushed apart the blinds to gaze down into the street below, watching as cars sped by and honked and the usual sounds of New York City came into existence.

I reclined from the window to walk over to the couch to see Axel still asleep on the couch. I sat down on the aero bed, reaching over for the remote that Axel had stuffed under his pillow and turned the television on. I muted the volume, so that the subtitles came up and flopped over on my side to watch the morning news.

Axel shifted behind me, murmuring something before falling back to sleep. I stayed watching the news for some time before I got up and headed into the kitchen to fix myself something to eat. Axel shifted on the couch again and proceeded to grumble loudly in Portuguese. I turned to look at him out of the corner of my eye.

Axel was still something of an enigma to me.

Alright, so he was the lead guitarist and singer of a pretty successful band. He lived with a loud, rambunctious, party animal and a twenty-something year old who was somewhat reminiscent of an old man, in a loft in Chelsea. That flaming red hair of his was all natural despite what many people may have thought. You could get his temper to flare if you pressed the right buttons, and I'm pretty sure it could get ugly considering different circumstances. And then there was that usual over bearing personality that just …it followed you everywhere no matter how hard you tried to ignore it.

…That was what I knew of Axel Ramirez, and I'm pretty sure I would be learning more in the future.

We'd come a long way since I had first met him last November …

I didn't realize that things had changed so much between us in so little time. Still, I was holding him at arm's length, but I was steadily learning that fighting against Axel wasn't getting me anywhere. I was beginning to understand that more so now than I had been in the past. Like last night for instance. I was starting to understand that Axel actually cared about me in some way shape or form. Not because I was his charge, but because he …like Sora or …Hayner, wanted me to get better.

Hayner …

I would have to face these memories sooner or later. That _day _would be coming up now that I thought about it. …It was nearly three years ago, but it felt just like yesterday. If I didn't talk about it with Ansem soon, I knew it would be a matter of time before Axel found out.

"Rox, what are you doing standing there with the refrigerator door open?" Axel's sleep-laced voice murmured behind me. I turned around to see him looking bleary eyed and confused, "You're letting all the cold air out …close the door if you're not going to get something."

I closed the refrigerator door, turning to look at him. "Why don't you get back to sleep?"

He licked his lips, running a hand through his hair. "I would …but I got hungry."

I opened the fridge back up, and retrieved the carton of soy milk out the back and poured myself a glass. I put the carton back, backing away to watch Axel rummage around for a few. "What are you looking for?"

"These shrimp chip things ..." He mumbled, closing one of the cabinets and sighed. Axel reached for the rubber band he had winded around his wrist and tied his hair back. "That is …if Demyx didn't eat them all."

"I'll be in the living room." I finished off my milk and put my empty glass into the sink.

Axel followed suit a short while after with a bowl of what I presumed to be cereal in his hands. He sat down next to me on the couch, folding his legs up and turning the TV to G4 where _Cheaters _was currently on. "I couldn't find them so I guess Demyx really _did _eat them all…" He turned to regard me, "…So how are you feeling this morning?"

"Hm?" I looked up.

"From last night," He gestured, "You know …"

"Oh …" I adjusted myself in the chair, "Do we have to talk about that now?"

"Well, no …" He shrugged, "But we can if you want. I mean we have the entire house to ourselves today. Reno's out and Demyx and Zexion already had plans to go the museum today. I think they've already left …" He got up and headed over to Demyx's room, poking his head inside. As soon as he opened the door, Soro came running out of the room and ran over to where I was sitting. After a few trial jumps, she was finally able to get onto the couch and settled in next to me. "Yeah, they're gone."

"Hmm …" I drew my legs up onto the couch, flexing my toes.

"Well?" Axel asked, sitting back down by me.

"I'm thinking …" I murmured. I was trying to rake my mind for how I should start. Axel had left me in the living room momentarily, returning with his glasses on and a clipboard in hand with various papers attached to it. Some time passed between us before I began to talk. "I think I've said all that I wanted to say. I think all that's left is too see what happens to him."

"And what about after then?"

"I'll deal with it when the time comes." I replied.

He turned away from me, scribbling something down on the pad in front of him. "Mmm …" Axel removed his glasses, placing them down on the stand by his side. "Roxas, it's a nice day out. Let's go somewhere today."

"Like where?" I asked.

"How about Central Park?" He asked.

I took a moment to decide and then shrugged, "Alright."

xXx

It had been awhile since I had last been in Central Park.

I used to come to the park habitually back in high school with Olette, Hayner and Pence. It had become something of a ritual between the four of us. It felt strange being there again without them, but instead with Axel.

But there I was on the bus at that very moment, next to Axel, watching Manhattan pass us by as we traveled uptown. In an attempt of going incognito, Axel had donned his usual newsboy hat, pulling it lowly over his eyes, while I had opted for my usual sunglasses. His car would have garnered us too much attention and with the paparazzi and media snooping around us like nobody's business, the bus or the train would have been a better way to outrun them rather than otherwise.

Axel poked at my shoulder and nodded off to the left. We had finally arrived at our stop. I turned around after hearing a few girlish snickers behind me, and instantly cringed. Of course …we weren't going to be completely unrecognizable. A crazy fan girl was never _too _far behind.

I stepped out onto the ground, looking up at Axel who had pocketed his hands in his coat. We walked on, side by side to Central Park. Axel hummed lowly to himself as we walked on, while I kept wary of our surroundings. The park, as usual, was full of an assortment of people. Little children on field trips, young parents chastising their toddlers, old people strolling on slowly with an old friend at their side, and of course the occasional bum that took up an entire park bench.

Axel turned to me, "You wanna go to the zoo?"

"The _zoo, _Axel?" I replied, shielding my eyes from the sun that blared overhead.

"Yeah, when's the last time you've ever been to the zoo? Come on, it's still kind of early, and it'll be fun." Axel mused thoughtfully. He rummaged around in his pocket, pulling out a card and flipping it over. "…They have red pandas and you know …those harbor seals are really cute when they wanna be …"

"…Cute?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow.

"…Well they are. They come up to the glass and flare their little nostrils at you and you're like, 'Hello, there little harbor seal, you're looking mighty cute today!'"

I stared at him in disbelief.

Axel cleared his throat loudly, "So you wanna go or not?"

"…We could pass through, I guess…"

I hadn't been to the zoo in Central Park since I was kid actually. For Cloud's 6th birthday, my mother and father had taken us to the zoo. Rikku was almost a year old by then, and Sora and I were both three. …Xemnas had also been with us on that day.

As we walked on by, Axel began pointing out useless facts about the animals that we passed by. I always hated the smell of the zoo and always wondered how the people working there could tolerate it on a daily basis. You know, walking through the Ice Pack building is no more pleasant in the spring than any other season. You still manage to freeze your ass off either way. The birds always look like they're on the brink of a seizure while their flapping around in the water or something. I never knew penguins could get so fat.

I hate to admit it, but Axel was _right_ about the harbor seals.

…They were …kind of cute. There were only three seals in the tank when we got there. There was a small baby one, a really fat lardy one and another one that kept coming up to the glass and poking its head up at us. Axel stupidly named it _Adam the Emo Seal, _because unlike the other two seals, it was grey and …as he deemed it, "It just looks emo."

Idiot.

After we had wasted enough time at the zoo, we just wandered throughout the park to see where we ended up. I stopped Axel when we were on a bridge overlooking a wide expanse of water. He peered at me, eyebrows raised and I shook my head.

"Stop." I murmured.

I walked slowly to the middle of the bridge, pressing my hands on the ledge and leaned over to gaze at what was before me.

"Roxas, what're you doing?" Axel asked, walking up behind me.

Have you ever just stood still and listened to the world around you? The echo of a droplet of water, dispersing into a million tiny particles naked to the human eye. The halcyonic whirr of the wind, always present even if we can't feel it. The scorching heat of the sun against the top of your head, so warm you can literally hear the burn in your ears. Or a child's laughter, innocent and light, not a care in the world. I took another look around me and my suspicions had been confirmed.

This was the same bridge from the picture Axel had brought up of me yesterday.

xXx

_I flinched when I saw the flash of a camera going off thinking it was media hog or paparazzi that were stalking Hayner and I while we were out in the park. The tension in my shoulders instantly dissolved when I saw who was behind the lens of the camera. _

_Hayner came over to me, pulling his black hoodie over his head, a smirk on his lips. "You were smiling." _

_I narrowed my eyebrows at him, gripping the ledge of the bridge with one of my hands. "Delete it." _

"_But I barely have __**any **__pictures of you smiling." Hayner waved the camera around, grinning. "You never smile except when you think you're alone, Roxas ...or when you're with me. Why is that?"_

"_I …" I shook my head. Frowning, I crossed my arms, "Don't act like you don't know the answer to that question. Now give me the camera so I can delete the picture." _

"_Nope." Hayner waved it just out of my reach. "This one's going in my own _**personal **_collection."_

"**Hayner**_." _

_As I lunged forward, he leaned forward and pulled me forward into an embrace, wrapping an arm around my back. "You're cute when you're angry, you know that?"_

"_Shut up." _

_He kissed me._

xXx

"Roooxxxyyyy."

I looked up at Axel who was busy shaking me back and forth in an attempt to get my attention. He stopped when I removed my sunglasses and looked at him. "What the hell _are _you doing?"

"You zoned out." Standing up at his full height, he crossed his arms over his chest and peered down at me, "You alright?"

"I'm fine." I cradled the side of my face against my hand and shook it.

Axel's cell phone went off at that moment, and he flipped it open after looking at the number. I glanced off the bridge while he talked to whomever. As soon as he closed his phone again, I turned to him. He sniffing, rubbing at his nose. "That was your brother. He's back home. We can go now if you want …"

I stared down at the water below us, closed my eyes and thought for a moment. When I opened them he was still waiting for an answer from me. "…I want to stay here for a little bit longer."

He looked at me for a while, and then turned to face the water with me. "Okay."

xXx

"My father's in the hospital."

"I heard." Ansem said, "How do you feel about that?"

"I talked to Axel about it, actually."

"Did you now?" Ansem asked, his interest certainly piqued. "And how did you feel talking to someone besides me about what you were feeling?"

"Strange." Was the first word that left my mouth, "…And in some degrees extremely vulnerable?"

"Which is quite normal, actually." Ansem told me as he began to scribble on his pad again. "…Is there anything else you told Axel?"

"…No ...but we didn't really fight this week." I murmured.

"So you are getting adjusted to him. That is good." He set his pen aside, turning to look at me, "So last week we were discussing your relationships with Olette, Hayner and Pence were we not?"

"Yeah …"

"You made mention of Hayner making you feel like you were needed or wanted." He lounged back in his chair, twirling his pen around in his fingers, "Tell me what that was like?"

"You remember how I was when I first came to you? I was really timid, afraid …and apprehensive about a lot of things. Xemnas had messed me up pretty badly and then there was my father who was …less than supportive about the whole entire thing. Actually …do you remember the first day that you actually met me?"

"Vividly, actually. Your father was …very uncooperative."

"Yeah, well …" I folded my arms lost in thought. "While I was in therapy with you, I think you were able to get me to a somewhat normal operating level. You know, so I could function in the real world. But as soon as I left therapy, I regressed back into my shell and then … well, Hayner was the one that rectified all of that."

"Did he?"

I turned to Ansem, "From the first time that we met and as we grew older, Hayner was always there. In a sort of random way, Axel reminds me of Hayner in some respects ..."

"Would you consider Axel a friend?" Ansem asked me, voice growing stern.

"Isn't he just …doing his job?" I asked, looking up at the ceiling, "I don't know …maybe?"

"…Roxas. You asked me this once before, I didn't give you the answer to your question, but I feel it is appropriate too now." Ansem sighed, "Axel possesses the proper credentials to do the type of work he has been doing with you. Rather, on his part it's more like attempting rather than doing. His …'job' as you put it, extends farther than you think." He paused, "Like I told you before, I had felt in the beginning that he was the best possible thing for you at the time. Someone to try and coax you out of your shell and try to get you to talk about whatever was on your mind, a confident that was close to you in age."

"And …?"

"Since your last hospitalization, Roxas, I will not lie. I have noticed changes in you."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Go on."

"You appear to be calmer, more at ease …" Ansem tapped his pen on his desk, "I think you're finally picking up the pieces that have been broken for so long. You're finally repairing what needs to be fixed…"

"…Maybe so."

xXx

"_Roxas Ardenwell?"_

_I raised my hand in the air, quickly lowering it when my science teacher marked something down on the folder in front of him. He went on to the next name on the list. _

"_Hayner Mason?" _

_The boy sitting next to me raised his hand, giving the teacher the thumbs up. He kicked up his chair again so that he was balanced on two back legs, with one of his legs crossed over his other. He folded his arms in front of his chest. _

"_Hayner, would you _**please **_sit in your chair correctly?"_

_Hayner sighed, dropping the front of the chair back to the ground. He turned to look at me, jabbing toward our teacher who was now focused on another part of our room. "He's such a prick, God. I wasn't even doing anything." He grinned at me, "The names Hayner."_

_I glanced at him, and then relinquished my name. "Roxas."_

xXx

April showers began to flood into New York, and rising temperatures weren't too far behind. Spring was dawning. Flowers were starting to bloom and the green was returning to the city as the insensate winter faded.

I've come to realize a couple of things with the dawning of the new season. I think that perhaps it's time that I stop trying to hold so many people at arms length. I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with and most of the time it's because, well, I know I'd rather be difficult than give people an easy time. But, I'm beginning to realize that I have to change that. …I've got to face my past sooner or later and believe it or not; I want to reconnect with parts of my past.

I had thought a lot about going to see Pence and Olette down in SoHo on my own time, but I never got past the strange ideal that they didn't belong in my life anymore. I mean, ever since Hayner …well …after all that happened with him, I've never really thought that I could strike up a relationship with them again. I had pushed them away and we just drifted away from each other. That's a part of my past I'd rather keep buried despite the 'healing' process I'm supposed to be going through right now. Maybe I'll change my mind in the future, but for now, I just wanted to get past what I was going through right now.

Xemnas had been pushed into the far depths of my mind, and I wasn't struggling with that right now. I had minor flashbacks every now and then, but …he had been put on the back burner ever since he had been sent off to jail. I can't forget what he did to me as a child, but I believe that the worst was over. I had survived hadn't I? Those wounds were finally healing over into scars now …

My father's condition didn't improve much, but he still remained stable. Sora was out of the house most of the time visiting whenever he could in-between taking care of the Crimson Jazz. I hadn't seen my father since my family had visited him in the hospital back in March as a whole, and frankly …I wasn't in a rush to see him again.

Cloud spent most of his time up in Westchester with my mother, Rikku and grandmother. He felt somewhat obligated as the first born son to look after the woman of the family and make sure they were alright. Cloud may seem cold and distant at times, but underneath it all, he genuinely cares for the well being of us all despite him not showing it. I called my mother a couple of times to check up on her, but like I said, Cloud mainly took care of them when Sora or I, though rarely, weren't able too.

…Hm.

I know you're probably wondering about my relationship with Axel.

Alright, so I wasn't as guarded with him as I used to be. Don't get me wrong, he's still Mr. Moron and he can still easily piss me off if he wanted to. But, I've gotten sick of fighting him. He only wants to help me and I think I'm finally ready to accept that help. He's not so bad once you get used to him, actually. I guess Ansem was right. I do consider Axel to be a friend. …My first actual friend in a very long time. There was still a lot about him that I didn't know about, for he had left a few stories about his life quite unfinished. But I guess the same could be said for me. …It'd all come out though …

Eventually.


	16. Keep Your Head

**16; keep your head**

"I was in my freshman year of high school when I began to use drugs."

"What type?" Ansem asked, writing something down on the book in front of him.

"Marijuana." I turned to look at him.

"And how did you get involved with it?"

My view shifted to the ceiling, "Through Hayner. Olette and Pence got into it in about the same year."

"So it was common practice among your friends? Or perhaps your social circle even?" Ansem asked me.

"Pretty much."

"How many times did you do it a week? A month?"

"Well, I wasn't a habitual user when I was first starting out. I would say I used to do it a few times a month. It naturally progressed into experimentation with other drugs later on …" I thought, tapping my feet together, "Speed, ecstasy, acid, cocaine and …shrooms one or twice. It all came sort of fast."

"So would you ever say that the problem got out of control at any point?"

"Well …" I folded my arms, "I was never a heavy drug user until probably the last few months of my Junior year in high school."

"What was that like?"

"I used to skip school constantly. Actually, there was more than a share of times when Hayner and I wound up in Central Park for the entire day. Pence and Olette would sometimes come with us."

"The division in your group that you mentioned earlier …does this correspond to it in any way?"

"Somewhat." I murmured, "Pence wasn't as bad as the rest of us, though. He usually just stuck to weed. Olette had a bit of an addiction to coke and Hayner …Hayner was by far the worst."

"But what about you?" Ansem asked.

"…Before I got out of control in my junior year, I was probably a bit above Pence on the usage scale. The only time I really did anything was when I was with Pence, Olette and Hayner. It didn't matter what it was. As long as I was with one of them, we were probably doing something. Besides that, everyone knew me as the 'quiet kid' or 'Sora's twin brother'. The most popular was, 'Hayner's sidekick'. I sort of lived up to that name, I guess." I shrugged, "It was just …"

"Peer pressure?"

"Not exactly." I shrugged, "It was just something that the four of us did. Curiosity sparked into habit."

"And what about your parents? Did they ever find out?"

"No. I spent the majority of my time over at Hayner's house whenever we did something. His parents were always out of town for some reason or another, so it was like we had unlimited freedom with whatever we wanted to do."

"And what about your siblings? You talked about being close to Sora back when you were younger …" Ansem tapped his pen against his notebook, "I can see how that's carried over into adulthood …"

"…Cloud caught me skipping out on school a couple of times during my junior year. He never said anything to my parents, but he _did _talk to me directly about it. …I never really listened to him though, and went on about my business. Sora caught an inkling of what was going on from the rumors that had circulated around school and …whatnot. He'd often chastise me for what I was doing, and was probably the only one, besides Cloud, that recognized that I had some sort of problem and that I needed to get help for."

"Did you ever stop?"

"The summer before my senior year of high school, actually. My parents sent me off to rehab for half of the summer."

"Why?"

"Something …happened."

xXx

_Hayner was sitting next to me on his bed, while I lie on my side, staring at the door of his bedroom. His parents were out for the weekend as usual, and we had his entire penthouse to ourselves. His back was to me as he rested his chin on the ledge underneath his window. A gust of warm summer wind blew in through the open window, ruffling the drapes surrounding the window.  
_

_He turned to look at me over his shoulder, grinning wildly. "What are you thinking about?"_

xXx

I slumped into the living room that morning feeling like the living dead. I hadn't been able to sleep very well the night before and I was bordering on a little more than annoyed at that moment. Axel greeted me that morning in his usual cheery demeanor.

"Morning, Roxy!"

I glanced at him blearily. He had his feet tucked underneath him, there was a bunch of papers in his lap, and he was chewing on a pen. I let out a sound halfway between a growl and a sigh, as I collapsed down on the couch next to Axel.

"Not a good morning?" He asked.

I fell over, onto the couch shaking my head. "Not enough sleep."

"You can go back if you want …"

"No …" I sat up, "I've been trying to for the past hour and I'm not getting anywhere. It'd be better that I just stay awake. I'll probably just go to sleep early tonight." I mumbled.

Axel didn't respond, he just went back to writing down on the clipboard in front of him. He stopped after a few minutes, tucking the pen behind his ear. "You know what'll fix you right up?"

"Mmmrh …"

"Some Jamba Juice." Axel grinned, his usual Cheshire cat smile coming to his face instantly.

"…I haven't had one of those in forever."

"Go get some clothes on and we'll go." Axel waved a hand dismissively, "My treat."

xXx

I crossed my arms, lowering my sunglasses to look at the menu above my head. "What are you getting?" I asked Axel as the line moved forward.

"Uhhh …a Mango-A-Go-Go probably." He answered.

"…I think I'll get a Caribbean Passion …" The line advanced forward as I slipped my shades back down onto my nose. When we got to the front of the line, Axel ordered both our drinks and put the order under his name. "Axel, I want to get something pierced."

"That's sort of random." Axel crossed his arms, smirking slightly.

I paused, listening to the sounds of noisy blenders at my side. I shook my head, "I'm feeling impulsive right now."

"Ever got anything done before?"

"…No, but I've signed off for Rikku to get them plenty of times before."

"She really does work the three of you too her full advantage, doesn't she?"

"Sora more so than Cloud and I."

"Axel!" The man called from behind the desk, holding out two cups in his hands. Axel turned away from me momentarily to go get our drinks, handing me my drink as he started sipping on his. We walked out of Jamba Juice and continued across 86th street with no real direction or purpose.

"What do you wanna get?" He asked, massaging the temples of head. When I gave him a curious look he muttered, "Brain freeze."

I bit on my straw and fisted my free hand into my hoodie. "I don't know …I'll decide when I get there."

"Well …" He gazed up at the sky, "If you want to get something done, we should head down to the village. I don't know to many places around here that do piercings." He pointed outwards, "To the bus, Watson!"

I followed after him, chewing thoughtfully on my straw again, "What do you think I should get?"

"…Well, depends on what you want to get. How much pain you're willing to endure. Actually, the pain factor's not really a big deal…" He said in thought, sticking the bottom part of his tongue ring out, as he slid it back and forth between his two front teeth.

"…Did anyone ever tell you that that's gross?" I asked, wrinkling my nose.

"All the time." He replied, grinning at me. "Want one?"

"Sure," I released the straw from my mouth, "I've always wanted to sound like I was mentally retarded."

"Not everyone lisps stupidly after they get one, you know?" He shrugged, "I mean …I sounded kinda stupid for a couple of days until the swelling went down."

"Are you sure the swelling ever went down?"

"Hey!"

Come on, I'm still Roxas and Axel's still Axel. Just because I consider him somewhat tolerable doesn't mean I'm going to stop with the minor insults in any way. "Hold on a second." I murmured, walking past Axel and over to a newsstand we were currently walking by. I picked the magazine up, and an instant frown came to my face when I saw what was on the cover.

"Nice headline." Axel muttered, looking over my shoulder as I stood gazing at the front of the magazine.

_Axel and Roxas? Budding friendship or something more? What is Axel's involvement with the Ardenwell heir? Full Story on Pg. 34._

"I wanna read this." I put up the money for the magazine. As we walked away, I turned to look up at him, "It was only a matter of time before something like this headlined anyway."

Axel shrugged as we rounded the street and stopped at the bus stop. The bus came shortly with scarcely anyone on it. We boarded it, settled into our seats and I pulled out the magazine while Axel occupied himself by reading ads that littered the bus.

**Blonde haired ambition?**

_Roxas Ian Ardenwell, son of Teier and Sabel Ardenwell, and one of five heirs to the Ardenwell fortune has been making media headlines ever since he and his twin brother, were born. Fresh out of his tumultuous teenage years that involved heavy partying, suicide attempts and stints in therapy and rehab, Roxas, now twenty, may finally be getting his life back on track and in the direction of where it should be heading. _

**A quick synopsis? **

_On November 3rd 2007, Roxas was discharged from St. Vincent's hospital in New York City after being rushed in three months prior for undisclosed health reasons. Around that time, many rumors circulated that the young heir might have attempted suicide, which prompted his immediate hospitalization late last summer. Not much information was leaked on the premise of his hospitalization, but his family had asked that the media respect their privacy and during this stressful time. _

_Roxas left the hospital and was instantly bombarded with an onslaught of heavy media frenzy with his brother, Sora, and a completely unexpected visitor—the ever infamous hot headed wild child, Axel Ramirez, front man, lead singer and guitarist of Organization XIII. The trio dropped by Roxas's parents house in Westchester before returning back to the city. They were then visited by the oldest child of the Ardenwell siblings, Cloud, and Sora's then girlfriend, Kairi Moretti. Since then, Axel has become a regular at the twin's apartment, visiting them on a day to day basis._

**The first meeting?**

_Both sides have remained tight lipped about the singer's involvement with the heir in the beginning. But sources are claiming that what goes on behind closed doors is much spicier than the image they portray in public. It is not clear how Axel was first introduced to the Ardenwells, but he was seen around New York City in the early fall with Sora a little while before Roxas was released. Sources claim that when the young heir and singer first met, they were anything but compatible. One would think that Roxas's rather cold and standoffish demeanor would be enough to freeze that hot headed red head right in his tracks, but he was not deterred. _

_In the beginning, no one knew what Axel's involvement with the young Ardenwell was, but numerous speculations have been flying around about the relationship of the two. A friend of Sora's? Someone to help the once bad boy of the Ardenwell family turn himself around? Or perhaps …maybe they had known each other for some time now and were finally bringing their relationship to light? Both have since refused to comment on their relationship or involvement with each other. Publicists for Axel and Roxas's family have both said that their relationship is purely business related, whatever _**that's **_supposed to mean._

**Extending into new boundaries? **

_Things got extremely interesting when Sora went off to England for a week or so and Roxas was seen staying at Axel's loft in the Manhattan neighborhood of Chelsea. When Sora arrived back in the states he was seen in the company of his long time friend and what many suspected was his new boyfriend, Riku Belden. A few weeks prior to that, Sora had just gotten over a messy break up with socialite and aspiring model, Kairi Moretti. _

_Later on, in a public statement released by Sora, it was discovered that his brother's stay with Axel was a mandated order from Roxas's once childhood therapist, Dr. Ansem Telford. The second oldest of the Ardenwell family shed a little brief light on Axel's involvement with Roxas telling the public that Axel was there to help Roxas sort through some things that he had been dealing with for quite some time now. Nowadays, it's not uncommon to see Axel leaving Roxas and Sora's apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan on a daily basis. Roxas has even been seen in the company of Axel's band mates Demyx Aldaine and Zexion Yoshida on various outings throughout the past couple of months. _

_Ever since Roxas was last admitted to the hospital a little under three months ago, the two have been seen spending an increasingly large amount with each other out and about the city. Axel was even there right alongside Roxas, his brother Sora and Sora's new boy toy, Riku Belden as they arrived at the hospital to visit the twin's father after he fell ill to a heart attack just last month._

**A developing story?**

_Roxas's last high profile relationship – romantic or friendship – was with that of his once best friend, Hayner Mason. Hayner, like Roxas, was known among the high status youth of Manhattan's privileged elite. He would have amassed a large sum of his father's money when he got to be of age. Many are curious to know if Roxas is trying to fill the void that Hayner left inside him by associating himself with Axel. Many have noted that there are striking similarities between the two in terms of personality and overall presence. Only time will tell if these two might be heading down a road that extends into a long lasting relationship, or like some might think, something more. Or perhaps, they're already there…_

The entire article was littered with pictures of Axel and me, all candid except for a small few. There was one of me standing outside of Haru's with Demyx, Axel and Zexion on Zexion's birthday, followed by another picture of us at Rocky Horror where I was presenting Axel with his asshole pin.

There was another of us in a drugstore where I was wearing sunglasses and reading the back of a bag of chips. Axel was leaning over me, saying something while pointing at the bag. Another was of us walking in Central Park a few weeks ago. The last two was of a picture of Axel at the Nokia Theater screaming something into a microphone and of me standing on a street corner looking directly at the camera. I sighed, closing the magazine and stuffing it into the bag that I had brought with me.

"So, what's it say Roxy?" Axel leaned in, large grin on his face. "I'm corrupting you? What? Tell me. This better be good."

"Nothing of substantial interest." I looked up at him. "You want to see it?"

"Nah, I feel weird reading about myself." He waved a hand dismissively, "I'm sure it was a bunch of bull anyway."

"Mmm …"

"Soooo …let's talk about this piercing of yours." He reclined against the chair, squinting against the sun that was hitting his eyes. You know, as odd as they are, Axel's eyes are kind of nice. "There's a lot you can get done …personally, I think you'd look cute with an eyebrow piercing.

"…If you say I look cute again, I will _break _your face in." I muttered.

"Feels like forever since I've heard you say that." Axel hummed happily.

"I'm starting to think you like getting abused."

"Only by you, Roxy. It's hot when you do it."

I glared at him, "I'll kill you."

"Love you too." The bus finally arrived at our stop and we both got off. Axel took the lead, dragging me ahead through the crowd. "What about a belly button ring?"

"Do I look like I'm flaming gay to you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

Axel grinned, "Should I answer that question?" When he caught the look I was giving him he sighed, "Oh come off it, that's just a stereotype. Come on, you don't see too many guys with a belly button ring and it doesn't look _that _fruity. Um …let me think …I _knew _someone with a belly button ring, ahhh …"

"Perhaps it was yourself?"

"No, the only things I've got done are my tongue, my eyebrow, an industrial, and a few scattered lobe piercings." He tapped his chin, "Demyx's got his nipples done."

"Axel that's _disgusting_." I turned to look at him disbelievingly, "And why the hell do I care about Demyx's nipples?"

"I thought it was kind of hot."

"And I think you're an idiot."

"I know, but I know you secretly love me."

"Don't flatter yourself." I muttered.

"Well, here we are." Axel pointed a finger at the store we had just come across. "This is where I get all my stuff done it …or did …it at or whatever. Ready?"

"I never said I wasn't."

The buzz of a tattoo needle assaulted my ears as I stepped into that tattoo parlor behind Axel. He turned to look over me, "They've got a book in here. You can pick out what you want from there. I'll go see if someone's in, alright?"

I glance down at the counter to find a heavy black book resting on the glass casing. It was attached to a chain that was plugged into the glass display case on which the book sat upon. I flipped open its heavy cover, and passed the various designs and pictures of tattoos held underneath plastic coverings. There was a little label sticking out from the back of the book labeled _piercings _so I flipped to that and came to a small area of photos that exemplified different piercings.

Looking at it close up, I think was growing partial to an eyebrow piercing. But, I also liked the lip ring and the rook ear piercing. I finished flipping through the piercing section just as Axel was coming toward with an Asian looking girl trailing behind him.

She put her hands on her hips, leaning forward, "So you _were _telling the truth."

"Why would I lie about something like this?" Axel turned around, standing side by side with me.

"…And he's just as short as they say." She mumbled to herself, looking me up and down. She grinned, extending her hand, "Yuffie Kisaragi. Greatest tattoo artist you'll ever meet."

"Roxas …" I shook her hand briefly, letting it go.

"Or so she likes to think." Axel murmured by my ear.

Yuffie jabbed at him, "I don't think, I _know._" She turned her attention back to me. "So, you decided what you want yet? Axel tells me you want something done but don't know what."

"Yuff, would you tell him that getting his belly button done would be _cute_? Guys rarely get it done!"

Yuffie rolled her eyes, "I'm ignoring you Axel." Oh, I liked this girl. She turned back to me, "Now …Roxas. Have you decided on anything?"

"…It's a tie between a rook, lip ring or eyebrow …"

"Well a rook hurts like a bitch and healing time is also a bitch. Eyebrow tends to migrate at times, and can get infected pretty badly and a lip might be a bit problematic too. All in all, every piercing has its setbacks but it's worth it when you get the end result. Personally, I think you'd look pretty cool with your eyebrow done. Of course …we can do all three piercings in one sitting if you want …"

"I think he's aiming for one right now, Yuffie." Axel murmured, resting his arm against the glass case next to us.

"…I think I'll go with the eyebrow."

"Excellent choice." She grinned, "This way please."

We followed her into a back room where she instructed me to sit down on a chair. I sat down in the chair as Yuffie got the piercing instruments ready. Axel was at my side, arms folded and feet crossed out in front of him. He leaned forward toward me as Yuffie had her back to us, "It really doesn't hurt. The most you might feel is a slight pinch and that's really it."

She turned back to me, gloves on both of her hands. She sat a tray down beside me and sat down, pulling a chair up next to my side. The first thing she did was lean forward to inspect my eyebrow and then leaned back to reach for a few instruments. "So, is this your first piercing?"

"Yeah." I answered.

She looked up at Axel in a split second, grinning. "So you _are _good for something, Axel." She snickered.

"And just what is _that _supposed to mean?" Axel asked, raising his eyebrow.

"You know exactly what it means."

Just what the hell were these two _talking _about?

She rolled her chair closer to me, hitting something on the back of the chair so that it fell back partially. Overhead, she focused the light to where she wanted it and leaned back for a moment. She leaned toward me again and grinned, "Right or left?"

"…Does it really matter?"

"No, but …"

"Surprise me."

"Alright." She leaned in. "Take a deep breath for me and relax."

She chose my left eyebrow. After cleaning off the area, she clamped a piece of my eyebrow and tugged at it gently. After looking at it briefly, she drew back from me reached for the tray again, fingering a needle and twirled it around in her fingers. I felt a slight pinch and within a few minutes, the pain was gone and I was left with an uncomfortable piece of metal wedged between two clamps. She removed the clamps, inserted a barbell and secured both ends and made sure it was in tightly.

"And you're done." Yuffie grinned, "Wanna see it?" She held up a mirror in front of my face, waving it back and forth.

"It looks good, Roxy." Axel said.

I took the mirror away from her and brought it up closer to my face, inspecting the piercing. I turned my head slightly angling certain ways to get a feel for it before handing the mirror back to Yuffie.

She grinned, "Well?"

"Mmm…" I nodded, and got off the chair.

"Good," She stood up, removing her gloves and throwing them away. "Anyway, the aftercare is relatively easy; I'll give you a sheet on that later. Come to me if you have any questions or problems or any of that extraneous crap, okay?" She looked away from me and at Axel who was heading toward the door. "Axel, come and see me sometime, I never see you around here anymore."

"Well, I've got Roxas to steal up all my time now."

"Well bring him down here with you; I get bored out of mind down here sometimes."

"Right, Yuffie." He grinned, "Why don't you get Demyx up? He's got nothing better to do."

"…Maybe I will …" She threw her gloves into the garbage and followed us back to the front of the store. Pulling upon a drawer she took out a paper, handed it off to me and smiled, "I'll see you later Axel."

"See ya, Yuff."

She turned to me, "Bye, Roxas!"

I waved at her over my shoulder and put my shades back on the minute I stepped out back on the street outside of the tattoo parlor. I looked up at Axel who was looking around the area for a moment.

He turned to look at me, his usual grin on his face. "So, you satisfied?"

"Mm …" I rearranged my shades, and folded my arms. "How do you know Yuffie?"

Axel motioned for me to start walking with him. "I went to high school with her. She's about a year or two older than you …something like that." He rubbed his hands, "God, it's hot."

I fingered the barbell cautiously, drawing my eyes upward. "…Eeshh …"

"Does it hurt?"

"It's starting to …"

He started walking out into the street, "Come on, we can catch the train back uptown, the bus doesn't come for awhile." He motioned for me to follow him down the street and in the direction of the subway.

xXx

"Rox, can I ask you something? It's about your family."

I took a break from cleaning my eyebrow to turn around to look at Axel who was poised in the doorway of the bathroom, "What is it?"

"I've been thinking about it for awhile …" He frowned slightly, "What's the deal with the paparazzi and media always hounding you? It just …doesn't make any sense. I know your family is loaded beyond all comprehensible belief and your dad owns just about the entire world… but what are you? Like a Paris Hilton sort of famous?"

"No, actually." I murmured, setting a q-tip on the side of the sink. "My mother was a famous movie star back in her youth. You ever heard of Sabel Pavlov? She did a lot of indie films when she was younger. She got noticed in her late teens, did some modeling …went on to bigger films later on in her career."

"But how did she meet your father?"

"At something business related. Their relationship got quite a bit of media attention and they ended up getting married after about a year or so of dating. It's been …sort of a trend among the men in my family to marry a woman who's at least five or more years younger than you." I eyed him in his reflection the mirror, "Does that satisfy your curiosity?"

"Pretty much."

"What about your family?" I asked, leaning forward over the sink. "You were born in Portugal, right? Why'd you come to the states?"

"I didn't think you'd remember." He grinned, shaking his head.

"I listen."

"Well …" Axel started, "My mother was originally born here in New York. Born and raised in the Bronx, actually. After college she went to go stay with my grandparent's family back in Portugal while she did her graduate studies there. My father, on the other hand, moved to Portugal from Ecuador with his mother after his father had passed. I don't know too much about why, but my father ended up meeting my mother in Portugal and …well …"

"Here you are?"

"Something like that…" He shrugged. "You done yet?"

"Yeah." I turned out the light and walked past him. Axel followed after me, arms crossed in front of his chest. I sat down on the couch by where Soro was currently lounging and did the usual flipping through the channels business.

"…We do this a lot." Axel murmured. "We need a different routine."

"What do you propose we do?"

"…I don't know …go out?"

"We already did." I fell over the side of the couch, dangling the remote in my hand.

He stretched out on the couch as well and tapped his foot against on the floor, "Oh!" Axel shot up, pointing excitedly at me, "So ...I've got some interesting news to tell you."

"What?"

"Guess."

"I'm not going too." I mumbled.

"Pleeassseee." Axel whined, falling over near my side. Soro jumped up into my lap in surprise and buried herself against my arm and lap.

"No."

"Roxxxyyy."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're annoying?" I asked, "And I thought Demyx was bad."

"Yes to the first question, and …Dem is bad. He's worse than I am."

"Oh yes, because being annoying is worse than being so drunk off your ass you can't even remember your name." I rolled my eyes, "So much worse, Axel."

"Actually …Demyx may seem like something of a party animal …but he's not in all actuality." He turned around so that he was lying on his back. "He just keeps things interesting, that's all."

"You call terrorizing people on street corners interesting?" I asked.

"…Mayyybeee." Axel grinned, "Anyway! We got _completely _off topic. Guess, guess, guess what I want you to guess."

"You bought a brain?"

"Ha, cute." He rolled his eyes, "Fine, I'll tell you since you suck at this game. Guess who's going to be on TRL this Friday?"

"…You're not serious." I groaned. "Do I have to go with you? Fuck that, I'm not going to fucking TRL with you."

"Chill out before you have a conniption. No, you don't. Actually, I'm not going to be here Friday because of it. Afterwards we've got a show to play down in some club over in Chelsea." He rolled his eyes again, "Hey, I despise MTV just as much as you do but seeing as _some _people can't shut their big mouths and **LOVE **booking things for their clients without even telling them …it can't be avoided." He sat up, "It's like …for publicity and promotional reasons."

"I thought you were on a hiatus or something."

"I'm surprised you know so much."

"I told you I listen." I countered.

"Right." He grinned, "Actually, we're releasing something of a B-sides …lost tracks type CD thing. A lot of stuff we recorded in the studio but never bothered to release within these past years. We'll be working on our next album shortly though … soon enough, you know?"

"Never?"

"Shortly!"

I turned to look at the TV, and turned the channel. "Never."

xXx

_My vision was misted by the liquid spilling out of my eyes. Blinking only made it worse as my lashes became matted together, mixing with the salty stickiness of my tears. Shaking my head, I pushed down the need to hiccup as I attempted to control my breathing. _

_Hayner was at my side, hands circling around the length of my arms, eyes scrutinizing and careful of the pressure he was applying. At his side was an unraveled roll of gauze wrap, medical tape and hydrogen peroxide. "Too tight?" He asked, peering at me._

_I shook my head and he continued to wrap the gauze around my arm, making sure it was tight enough to stop the bleeding on my wrist, but not so much that it would cut off my circulation. Finally, he secured it with a few pieces of medical tape, and set my arm down so I could pull my sleeve back down to cover the dressing._

_I looked up at him sheepishly as he set to work moving the various objects that littered his bed away from the both of us. He tugged on my free arm, and I looked up at him. His eyes were focused on me, stern yet soft and concerned. "Talk to me, Roxas."_

"_Where do I start?"_

_"…Tell me everything. We have all night."_


	17. Tape Song

**17; tape song**

I got my eyebrow done on Tuesday.

Sora didn't notice it until Thursday.

My brother's observational skills have always been …less than spectacular at times. His reaction was one of first curiosity, and then shock and finally subsided to a single line of, "…Maybe I should get something done too." I knew he'd probably run out of the piercing place before he ever got anything done though. Sora plus needles equals …catastrophe.

Anyway, true to his word Axel wasn't in the house on Friday.

That morning I threw off the sheets, walking over to my mirror to look at my eyebrow. I fingered the piercing gently before heading off to the bathroom to go and clean it. Sora looked up me and smiled when I entered the living room. Soro was in his arms and was currently not cooperating with him and wouldn't stop moving around. Eventually he left her go as she ran over to me and jumped up and down.

"You know, I'm starting to think she likes you more than me. And you don't even bother to give her the time of day." Sora laughed.

I moved past Soro to sit down on the opposite side of the couch with Sora. "What are you doing up now? I thought you would have been sleeping or something."

"Nope." Sora said as Soro followed me over to the couch and hopped back into Sora's lap. "I was having a bit of a movie fest actually …you can join me if you want."

"I'll be back." I got off of the couch and walked off to the kitchen to get something to eat. I settled on a bagel with jelly and a mug of black coffee and went back to the couch where Sora was sitting.

"What do you want to watch?" He asked me.

"What's on?"

"Um …" Sora started flipping through channels, "The Wedding Planner, Freaky Friday, Blue Crush, The Punisher, New York Minute, Mean Girls and … Saving Face is on!"

"And that is?"

"Only my favoritest movie ever!"

"Sora, favoritest isn't even a word."

"Shush." He turned the TV to Logo and hit the info button. "Here, read it!"

"A Chinese-American lesbian and her traditionalist mother are reluctant to go public with secret loves that clash against cultural expectations." I murmured. "…Sora …" I started skeptically.

"It's great, trust me. I watch it all the time with Riku."

Why was I not surprised?

I sighed, biting into my bagel and sipped at my coffee as the movie started up. "You better be right."

It was pretty good surprisingly and actually found myself getting the movie as it progressed. After Saving Face was over, I picked up the remote to find the next movie to watch. After looking through some channels I stopped on USA where The Usual Suspects was on. When that movie had gone off, I glanced at the clock to check for what time it was. I reached over by Sora's feet to get the remote, and started flipping through channels.

"What are you turning to?" He asked me.

"Axel's supposed to be on TRL today."

"It comes on now?" Sora adjusted himself, rubbing at his neck.

"I think so." I flipped through the channel guide, and hit MTV. It took a moment to register before TRL came on. I sat back in the chair, crossing my legs underneath me.

"…'ve got Organization XIII here with us today. Everyone give them a round of applause."

The crowd went absolutely wild as Axel, Demyx and Zexion walked on to the set, microphones in hand. Axel went over to the window to wave out at the crowd that was gathered around the studio down below. Demyx was two steps behind him while Zexion remained over by Damien Fahey who stood grinning and waiting for Axel and Demyx to come back over to him.

"Always ready to get the crowd going, aren't you?"

"Always." Axel grinned as he fell down into a chair opposite Damien.

"So, you guys, it's great to have you here. It's been awhile since you were last here and as you can see the crowd's definitely hyped up having you here." Damien turned his attention to the crowd behind him which roared in approval. "So how've you all been?"

Axel started off, "We've been good, actually. Just taking it easy and living life as it comes. It's been sort of an eye opening experience to some degree." He trailed off, looking for Demyx and Zexion to elaborate on what he was saying.

"Yeah …we've just been taking it one day at a time, you know?" Demyx added in, "I mean ... we've been on this hiatus for awhile now and just being here around you guys is just like …it feels so different. Even playing at the Nokia Theater …what was that …two or three months ago? It just felt like it's been so long since we were back on stage. " He held out his hand looking between Axel and Zexion for affirmation.

"Two months." Axel corrected, grinning. "It was Valentine's day."

"Yeah …even that felt a bit weird. Here we are coming back from this break we took and instead of starting off with a few small performances, we just jumped right into something big without really knowing what to expect." Demyx continued, smiling a bit.

"Well it seems like you guys are slowly but surely coming back to the music scene. Can you shed some light on what you guys have been doing recently?"

Zexion took the next question, "Right now most of you have probably heard that we're releasing a new album. But, we've been rather quiet pertaining to the details of the album. It's a two disc compilation of tracks that we recorded but have never released to the public, including B-sides, some remixes, rare tracks and a few new recorded songs. It should be released sometime in the beginning of next month."

The crowd clapped, and Damien continued on. "Sounds cool, sounds cool. Any new shows or anything coming up?"

"We'll be playing down at_ Iron Maiden_ tonight in Chelsea, actually." Axel bit his tongue for a moment, "And we might be playing at a couple of other places in the city in the next following weeks or months. Small things, you know?"

"Really? What are you guys going to be playing at the _Iron Maiden_ tonight?"

"Ahh, that's a secret. You have to come and see if you wanna know." Demyx chimed, turning to point at Damien and winking.

"Always the secretive bunch aren't you?" Damien laughed, "So you mentioned you'd be playing at a couple of places around the city. What about outside of New York though Do you have anything else planned? Bamboozle and Warped are just around the corner …"

Zexion raised his microphone to his mouth, "Actually, we don't exactly know yet. We were hoping to make Bamboozle but we might have to miss it this year. Warped is a possibility though, so hold out for us until then."

"Well let's hope that you're able too." Damien said, moving over to the crowd, "So now that that's out the way, we're gonna take some questions from you guys in the audience …" A sea of hands went up and Damien took a moment to choose a person as he walked over to the group. "Youuu …right there in the mint green polo and ponytail."

A girl stood up and waved, "Hi, I'm Melissa!" She laughed, hands flying to her mouth and then calmed herself down. "First off, I want to tell you how much of a big fan I am of yours and I'm totally stoked that you guys are doing all this stuff right now. Anyway, I just wanted to know, what have each of you been doing personally or working on since you took this break?"

"Well …" Axel looked at Zexion and then Demyx. He took a moment to think, and then looked back up at Melissa, "We're happy to be back so …thanks." He grinned at her and she looked like she was about to die from excitement. "Anyway …like we said before, we've just been sort of taking it easy. That's what we took this mini-hiatus for …to kind of take a break from everything and focus on what's going on in our lives right now."

"Yeah, we've really just been out and about the city doing whatever." Demyx added in, "Oh, and while we're here I just want to crush that little rumor that's going on about us breaking up. I'm sure you've heard about some pretty outlandish stuff about us in the weekly tabloids …it's **not **true guys. I mean, we're only in our early twenties, we've still got plenty more to do for you all."

The crowd cheered at that, and Damien went on to let someone ask the next question. A small tan girl with dark brown hair and glasses stood up. "This question is directed at Axel." She turned to look at Damien and then nodded, lowering herself to the microphone, "Axel, I have to ask you the question that's been burning on nearly **everyone's** mind including my own. What's the story behind you and Roxas? The rumors are flying every which way and everyone wants to know what's going on between you two. So can you shed some light on the truth for us?"

"Well …" Axel began, laughing hesitantly. The crowd started to clap and cheer and he continued on grinning, not perturbed at all. "I'm not really at liberty to discuss it, but let's put it this way, it's nothing but a mutual friendship. Next question." His eyebrow quirked slightly, as if he were angry.

"Ah, you over there." Damien held the microphone out to a tall, lanky blonde kid with a hoodie pulled up over his head. "What can we expect from your album coming out soon?"

Zexion looked at the kid, flinging his head back slightly to get his hair out of his face. "Well our earlier material is a lot different from what we play now. We've branched out into various forms of music besides what we used to gravitate to when we were younger. In terms of what you can expect …we like to think of it as a growth album …one that spans the time between who we were when we first started out and what we've amassed to in this present day."

"Good good …and …we have time for one more …aahh, you over there with the pink skirt." Damien looked around and found another girl.

She stood up, "I just want to know do you have any advice or words of encouragement for people that might be going or trying to get into business. I know you guys got a record deal before you were out of high school so …anything you want to say?"

"Well first off …you gotta live." Demyx pointed out, grinning. "You know …have fun with life. Live it to the fullest, and love what you do. You're not going to be exactly happy when you don't, rather, _aren't _doing something you love. You may be asked to change yourself for the mass media or what doesn't _fit _the mold but really, and it's up to you if you want to be someone who does that. I mean us personally, when we first started out here in the business we felt like we were trying to be transformed into some mass market production scheme but after some change of management and scenery, we …got to where we are today. Sure, you're going to get turned down and turned away from deals but …don't give up and don't stop dreaming because that's when everything basically falls to s-t ...Oh, s-t …did I just say s-t? Can I even say s-t on this? S-t, my bad."

Damien grimaced slightly at Demyx and pulled the microphone away and went back over to where Demyx, Axel and Zexion were. "Well then, I'd like to thank you guys for taking your time out to come on here today." The crowd cheered and clapped. He turned to the camera, grinning. "If you're in the area, try and check out Organization XIII tonight at the _Iron Maiden_. We'll be right back after a little break." The camera panned out of the studio, flashing from Damien to Axel, Demyx and Zexion who were sitting side by side with each other and finally a commercial came on.

"Well that was interesting." Sora said cheerfully, as he scratched Soro behind the ear.

"Better than what happened on Christmas with E." I muttered, shaking my head.

"Hm?" Sora turned his attention toward me.

"Just take my word on it, it was bad."

Just then, the phone went off and Sora leaned over the side of the couch to pick it up. "Hello? Axel? Oh, hey …what? No …um …alright, hold on." He pushed the phone over to me and I took it away from him.

"Ardenwell Mental Hospital, how may we serve you?"

"Did you see us?" Axel asked, sounding out of breath.

"I was just saying to Sora that this was definitely a step up from Christmas."

"Glad you approve." I could hear the smirk in his voice. "I've got a moment to spare, what are you doing right now?"

"Nothing really." I muttered.

"Are you up for coming out tonight?"

"It depends …" I thought for a moment, "Is this about the _Iron Maiden_?"

"You guessed it." Axel paused, "If you decide to come, tell Sora to come along too …he can bring his boy toy if he wants."

"Will you give me a second?" I put the phone down and turned to look at Sora, "He's inviting us to come down to the club tonight. He said you could bring Riku."

"Seriously?" Sora asked, leaning forward and sounding a bit too excited.

"He says 'Seriously?'" I said.

"Tell him I said, 'No lies'."

"He says no lies." I replied to Sora.

"I'm in!" Sora grinned widely, "I'll go call Riku right now and see what he's doing tonight." He got off the couch to leave the living room and headed off to his room, Soro running after him.

"So?" Axel asked.

"It's a go."

"Seriously?"

"No."

"Cute, Rox." He sighed. "Anyway, I gotta get going. We're heading over to the club in a few to rehearse or whatever. Is there anything you have to ask me before I go?"

"One question, what's the dress code?"

"…Think Hot Topic." And with that, the call went dead. I clicked the phone off and crawled across the couch to put the phone back in its cradle. I slumped against the couch, falling over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. Oh, the possibilities for what I was in store for tonight.

xXx

The club was packed to the brim with people by time Sora, Riku and I had arrived. We were ushered in through a private entrance past all the people that were gathered in the front. Discretion was always appreciated in crowds like this.

The atmosphere of the club was lively despite how dark it was inside. Air was ventilating into the place so it wasn't disgustingly hot like some clubs can get. We were ushered into one of the various VIP booths up on the second floor which overlooked the entire club. Axel was standing at the top of the stairs grinning at us as we arrived. The security that had walked us up the stairs headed back down at the base where they stood guard.

"Glad you could make it, Roxy." Axel grinned at me then turned to Sora and Riku who were standing behind me, "Sora and …Riku, right? See, I remembered." He waggled his finger matter-o-factly. "Anyway, you guys can stay up here and whatnot. If you need anything, just tell security and they'll get it for you. I gotta get down …well, there. We're almost ready to go on. Enjoy the show you three." He waved over his shoulder and disappeared behind a curtain close to where we were sitting.

Sora was already seated with Riku on his right. I rounded the table and took a seat near the left which was almost directly above the stage. I turned my direction to the stage where a band was currently playing and out in front of them a bunch of people were dancing in a sporadic manner.

"Roxas!" Sora shouted over the noise. I turned to look at him and saw a woman standing next to Riku writing something down on a white pad. "Do you want anything to drink?"

I looked at him, "What?"

"DO YOU WANT ANYTHING TO DRINK!?"

"Water!" I shouted back at him, turning back toward the stage.

"OKAY!" He turned to the woman and shook his head. She waved and was off down the stairwell to put in our order.

The band shortly wrapped up their song, and waved to the crowd as the curtains closed before them. The MC came out amidst the cheering from the crowd. "Hey, New York, give it up one more time for The Jasons!" The crowd cheered again, some people letting out screams higher than others. "Alright, right right right right right …now listen here …we've got a couple of special guests in the house. Yeah, ya'll all know who I'm talking about. After nearly a year, your favorite bad boys are back!" The screaming in the club got so loud, I had to cover my ears with my hands. "Give it up for _Organization XIII_!"

The curtain opened up, and standing there on the stage was Axel poised over his microphone, Demyx twirling his sticks between his fingers and Zexion fiddling with the tuners.

"Big crowd tonight, hm?" Axel asked, grinning widely. He looked over the expanse of people who were still screaming widely and laughed. "You guys are pretty lively too." He eyed our level briefly, catching my eye and then turned back to the crowd before him that was quieting down briefly. "Well …I hope you guys still have some energy left after that last act…"

"FUCK YEAH!" Someone screamed in the background which elicited whole new waves of screaming through the crowd.

Axel laughed again and looked back up at the crowd. "Well I approve of the enthusiasm …" He fixed his guitar strap, "We're going to start off with a …new little diddy that we've recently recorded. Hope you guys like it."

Demyx started off by knocking his sticks together, which prompted Axel and Zexion to start playing and the crowd was cheering and going wild. A waitress had finally come back with our drinks, setting them down on the table in front of us. Sora was doing his own sort of semi-moshing with Riku at his side. I, however, stayed rooted to my seat until halfway into their third song, when my bladder started to complain and I really had to go to the bathroom.

_Eyes rivaling sacred ruby came to me on the night of a tragedy. Opened his mouth, hidden the world from the secrets that divided his reality. The night's a screamer and I'm your deliverer …_

"Sora, I'll be right back." I turned to Sora who looked down at me as I stood up beside him and set my glass down on the table.

"Where are you going?"

"To the bathroom." I replied, standing up.

"Do you need me to go with you?" Sora asked, cocking his head to the side.

"It's only the bathroom, I'll be fine."

"Well …alright."

I walked past him and Riku and rounded around the back of the seat. At the stairs, a security guard was there to escort me off in the direction of the bathroom. I sighed the moment I entered, and the door shut closed behind me. The sound of Axel's voice was faint against the walls of the bathroom, but I could still feel the thumping of the people jumping around on the dance floor.

There were no urinals in the bathroom, only five stalls, all of which were not occupied. The handicapped stall, however, _was _occupied with two pairs of legs visible at its bottom. One was knelt in front of it other. Shrugging it off, I picked the stall farthest away from the occupied one and did what I had to do.

There was giggling coming from the handicapped stall followed by an, "Oh …_right _…yeah. Keep doing that …oh, **FUCK**!"

I quickly exited the stall and walked over to the faucet nearest to the door and pushed on the soap dispenser where some pink foam fell out into my hands. After I was done washing my hands, I turned the water off and looked at myself in the mirror while I was drying my hands off. A stall door behind me opened as I was looking at myself. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of pink hair. A tall man crossed behind me as he was zipping up his pants. I turned around to see his backside as he left the bathroom.

"Well, well, well …look at what we have here." I turned around to see Marluxia heading toward me, wiping at his mouth as he propped himself up seductively against the stall wall. He sauntered his way over to me, standing before the faucet right next to mine, "Roxas, I wasn't expecting to see you so soon. Have you come to see Axel play?"

My guard instantly went up when I regarded him. "Marluxia, I wasn't expecting to see you _ever_." I muttered.

"Harsh seeing as we've only met once before." He observed himself in the mirror, wiping away at the white substance around the corners of his mouth. Seriously, this was getting more disgusting by the minute. He uncapped a small blue bottle, swished it around in his mouth and spit it into the sink. He ran some water, swished it around in his mouth and also spit it out. He turned to dry his mouth off with a paper towel, "Adults have to take care of business, you know? What are you? Eighteen? Nineteen?"

"Twenty." I answered, glaring at him.

"Close enough." He turned back to the mirror, "Still quite a child in my terms." Marluxia rummaged around in his pocket for something which I realized was …eye liner? He turned to me when he was done, and that grin of his only widened, "I can teach you some …_adult things_ though. Some _skillful _adult things."

"Because sucking a guy off in a bathroom stall requires an astronomical amount of skill. No thanks, I'd rather live an STD free life. The complete opposite of what you're probably headed for." I turned around.

As soon as I took a step forward, Marluxia reached out for my arm, spinning me around so quickly that I didn't even register that he had pinned me against the wall within that short time. He leaned in rather closely, looking me over for a moment as he held my arm firmly to my chest. Marluxia was around the same height as Axel, but definitely a tad bit shorter. His breath smelt of alcohol and …something else I couldn't place and don't think that I wanted to.

"Has he ever told you that you were beautiful? …I wonder what he would say if he knew I had the first bite?" He leaned forward, "Would you think he'd enjoy that? I know I would. Taking what he wants that is."

Somewhere distant I heard Axel's voice and the crowd cheering as the music had stopped. Something softer came on as the cheering subsided. I turned back to Marluxia who was steadily hovering closer to my face.

"I would be thrilled if he found us like this …I think you would too …"

My adrenaline immediately kicked in and I punched him squarely across the face before our lips could even touch. He stumbled back on his feet and fell against one of the stall walls. I thought I had barely put enough strength behind that punch to actually hurt him but he was rubbing at his chin tenderly enough to lead me to believe that I had done some damage.

"Don't you _ever _think about touching me." I seethed, shaking my head.

"You …" Marluxia started, but didn't finish his thought when a familiar voice cut into our conversation.

"…What the _fuck _do you think you're doing? Better yet, what in the fuck are you doing here?"

I turned around to see Axel standing by the door of the bathroom. It swung shut behind him, and the look on his face was positively murderous as Marluxia turned to look at him. Axel's hands were on his hips, and hadn't regarded me once since coming into the bathroom. Marluxia ran his knuckles underneath his chin and turned to look at Axel.

"Why, I was simply trying to dabble in your delights …he didn't seem like he wanted to have any fun though." Marluxia cast a glance skywards, folding his arms.

Axel advanced to look at me, and then turned back to Marluxia. "…I'm giving you three seconds to get out of here now before I call security on you."

Marluxia grimaced, rolling his eyes. "And what would _that _do?"

"Don't try me," Axel muttered, not even focusing on me anymore. "Get _out_."

Marluxia regarded him for a few moments, and then walked past Axel so that they were both shoulder to shoulder. He looked at Axel momentarily, whispered something and then smirked. He turned to look at me, "Roxas. Perhaps …our third meeting will …be a charm." He left the bathroom, leaving me alone with Axel.

Axel turned around, his expression growing soft. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." I murmured, "Perhaps if we meet a fabled 'third time', I'll be able to knock him out completely."

"Wait …**woah**. You _punched _him?" Axel asked, eyebrows rising.

"And this surprises you?"

"…Yes, actually." Axel folded his arms and frowned, "I know you're violent with me, but … sheesh."

I sighed, "Nowhere in your job description did you mention I was going to be followed by perverted stalkers. What's the deal, Axel? Who is he?"

He opened his mouth, but instantly closed it and looked over his shoulder. "Can we talk about him later? I promise …I'll tell you all about him later, but right now isn't the best time. We're on a short break and I wanted to come and find you and talk to you for a little while but …this is what I found instead."

I folded my arms, "Alright."

"Good …uh …right." He stepped aside to let me pass, "Go on."

I left the bathroom, Axel following up right behind me. He motioned me toward the stairs where Sora and Riku were seated and talking to each other. Sora looked to us when he caught sight of us and looked a bit worried.

"What took you two so long?"

Axel put on a façade, going into his usual theatrics. "There were some fans trying to get into the bathroom while we were in there …took awhile for security to get them cleared. Sorry …"

"Oh …" Sora glanced at me and I shrugged. "Well …I think they're going to want you guys to start back up in a few. You should get back I think …"

"Right." Axel turned to look at me, "See you later, Roxy." He flashed me the thumbs up and ran off once again.

I sat down next to Sora again who turned his attention back to Riku and went on talking about absolute nonsense. I walked back over to my side of the couch, sitting down and saw that the waitress had brought us new drinks. I looked at Sora, to which he leaned forward and answered. "I ordered you a strawberry daiquiri while you were gone."

I took a sip of the drink and set it back down on the table. Axel, Zexion and Demyx were back on stage, instruments in hand. In moments, the entire club was alive again with screaming and shouts. Axel said a few more words to the crowd, stepping back to signal Zexion and Demyx. He immediately turned to look directly at me for a few moments and I was staring directly back at him.

_Fluorescent haired devil knocking on my window …_

xXx

"Roxas?"

I was looking out of the window out to the street below. The trees were growing greener every day and sprouting an assortment of flowers that spanned the entire color spectrum. I turned to look over my shoulder at Ansem, facing away from the window, "Mmm?"

"What are you looking at?"

"…The trees …" I answered.

"What about them?"

"I don't know …" I mumbled, "It just never ceases to amaze me how they grow so green so quickly and we never …really notice it until later on."

He took a moment to gather his thoughts, "Would you consider yourself to be analogous to these trees?"

I looked down at the window sill, tracing my finger along its white edge. I turned around, propping myself up against the wall. "I never really thought about it. Maybe? I don't know. I mean trees sort of …do a lot, don't they? They remove toxins from the air that we breathe and …store them inside themselves or whatever. They die for a little while and then they're reborn after a seasons worth …"

"…A bit reminiscent of yourself this year, has it been?"

"Yeah, I guess so." I looked down at the floor. "Trees are malleable things. …Somewhat."

"Like humans."

"…Yeah …" I agreed, "Like humans. They can become damaged, wilted …destroyed, torn apart, used and discarded."

"Yet they can also be healed, planted again and develop strong and firm roots …just like humans."

I looked up at Ansem, a bit skeptical, "Do you think I'm like a tree?"

"Perhaps." He reclined into his chair, "Regarding your past history and everything that's happened recently, I would say you are somewhat reminiscent of a tree. You've grown a lot since you first started seeing me a couple of months ago."

"I've been putting a couple of things into prospective. That's all."

"Like what?"

"People."

"What about them?"

"Why I need them? What use they are? What can I learn from them …those sort of things."

"…Can you give me an example of any specific sort of person?"

"Axel."

"Ahhh, what about him?"

"I still think he's a moron but, I'm kind of thinking about what I told you earlier. You know when you asked me if I considered him to be a friend?"

"And?

"The answer is …yes. Yes, I do. Not I guess, or a maybe. Yes, a solid yes. I do. There are many definitions to what a friend is. A friend is a person who gives assistance, support or helps someone. ...Someone who you're attached to by feelings of affection or …a person who you like or can trust. Everyone has their own definition of what a friend is and …I have my own. I guess you can say that Axel somewhat fits them."

"I'm glad to hear that." Ansem smiled.

"Hmm …" I folded my hands together in my lap. "Yeah. I guess I do, too."

I went back to looking out of the window at the trees lining the streets.


	18. Flathead

**18; flathead**

I picked up my acoustic when I woke up on Monday morning. It had been a while since I last sat down to play something. I strummed at it a few times to make sure it was in tune. The moment I heard footsteps approaching my door, I looked up to see Axel standing in the doorway with his hands shoved into his pants pockets.

"Been practicing?" He asked me.

I shook my head. "Not particularly."

He walked into my room, crossing over to my bed and sat down beside me. "…It sounds like you've gotten better."

"I don't think so." I looked up at him, and saw that his eyes were cast skyward. He blinked and looked off to his right, away from me. I frowned, setting the guitar off to the side beside me, "Stop stalling and just ask whatever it is you want to ask me."

"Can we talk now?" Axel asked. His voice was a bit hesitant like he was unsure of himself. "I said I'd tell you about Marluxia. Is this an appropriate time?"

I turned to give him my full attention, "Hm …"

He scratched at his cheek, "I don't know where to start with this one …"

"Take your own advice." I said, "Just be honest with me."

"Right." He looked skyward, "I guess to give you the entire proper story, I'll have to tell you a bit about the past of the Organization as well. Well, I've known Marluxia since my freshman year of high school. We needed another guitarist for our band and Marluxia was the one. He was sharp, fitted in instantly with me, Demyx and Zexion's little group."

"I'm listening." I said.

"Well, like I've told you before I sort of …cheated on Larxene …but I never really specified with whom …"

I stared at him, disbelief reaching no other feature but my eyes. "…_Him_?"

"You sound surprised and that's a first." He smirked, "I would have thought you'd put two and two together by now."

"Because you're just so interesting that I spend all my free time speculating about your love life. You flatter yourself." I rolled my eyes, "I knew you weren't completely straight."

"Equal opportunity all the way." He laughed, crossing his arms and adjusted his posture. "Yeah, we were a close knit group, and nothing could really separate us. As time went on though, I drifted away from Demyx and Zexion some and started spending all my time with Marluxia. We kind of experimented with each other …you know, that sort of thing." Axel stalled, "I …well I wasn't exactly the greatest kid back in high school and got myself expelled in the winter of my junior year."

"What exactly did you …do?"

"…Let's just say I had problems with fire." He shrugged, "Around that time, I really didn't know what to do with myself. Zexion, Demyx and Marluxia were doing their own thing in school I just kind of spent my days doing whatever I felt like."

"Which consisted of?"

Axel smirked widely, "Getting into more trouble, actually. Seriously, if you thought I was bad now, Rox, I was terrible as a teenager."

I sighed loudly. "Why does that not surprise me?"

Axel laughed in response. "Anyway it was in 2001 when we finally got our break. We were signed on to Shinra Records a little after Dem's seventeenth birthday. Of course …Marx, Dem and Zex were still in high school and I had my own business to attend to. All we really could do was record songs and do a little bit of promotional work on the side when we got the chance. Our first album was released in the spring of 2002 and we were an instant hit …especially with our demographic being mainly pre-pubescent and teenage girls."

"...I would know. My sister was obsessed with you."

He laughed again, shaking his head, "I would have never guessed. Anyway, things moved pretty fast for us. We went on our first tour in the US at the end of December in 2002 and finished our last show in late February of 2003. As soon as we were done the label instantly sent us back into the studio to begin work on a second album that would be released sometime at the end of the same year." He slouched a bit. "That's when the trouble started."

Axel shifted his gaze to me, "Marx started to get a little funny around the time when we almost done with our second album. The band as a whole was popular but the media and majority of our fans were starting to gravitate more toward me than any other person in the band. I was the one that always got the crazy amounts of camera time, or was sent out to endorse whatever and so on. The band that we had formed and had tried to keep together was beginning to divide and fall apart."

Axel fell backwards onto the bed so that he was staring at the ceiling. I crossed my legs, as he traced nonsensical shapes in the air. "Sure we were all busy with our careers and personal lives, but Marluxia was just …he was losing it to put it bluntly. He began to disregard all obligations he had made to us. It was the drugs, partying every night, showing up late for appointments and everything in-between that made me realize that we had to get him help in some way shape or form. Besides trying to get Marluxia back on track, put in time for our band and everything else, Larxene decided to worm her way into the equation." He exhaled loudly, "I met Larxene at a release party for our second album in November of 2003. She was the model for our cover art, go figure; we got to talking and eventually started dating." Axel closed his eyes.

"And then what?" I asked.

He let his arm drop off the side of the bed, "Like I said before, Marluxia and I did some …experimenting with each other back in high school. I never really thought anything of it, but Marx … he …was always a tad bit obsessive of me. Marluxia used to cause Larxene hell all the time, and he'd start all these stupid ass arguments about my involvement with her. However, as they say in drama …or plays or whatever, 'the show must go on' and it did. We dropped our third album in August of 2004 and went on a small tour directly after to promote it. After some down time, we were back on the road again in early February, as we geared up for a massive world tour that would span from the West, all the way over to the East for nearly the entire year." He turned over on his side, folding his arms over so that his cheek lay pressed against them.

"Sounds big …"

"It was. From early February to probably early April we toured in the United States. Things were still pretty shitty because Larxene had come along with us and being on a tour bus with her and Marluxia always going at it wasn't exactly my idea of …pleasant. After a five month or so rest, we left for the rest of the world, playing a number of shows in nearly every continent. It was then that the cracks in the band really started to form and things weren't exactly going well for all of us …"

"…What happened?"

"Too much to even list …Zexion had been dealing with depression since the beginning of our tour, Demyx sprained his ankle, Marluxia's partying and drug addictions spiraling out of control and then …well, my relationship with Larxene was kind of on the rocks." He sighed, "It was the night right after a show in Japan and Larxene just had to drop in and visit us. She had some time off from work and her next job just so happened to be in Japan so she decided to come and stop by. We had a night off and Dem and I had gone out looking to celebrate it. Marluxia had also been with us, it was a rare night where all of us were actually getting along instead of fighting over mindless shit. I don't remember too much about that night, but Marluxia had somehow coaxed me into coming somewhere with him, and in the back of my mind I knew I had to meet Larxene up for some date she had planned for us. I guess I took too long because the next thing I knew she was in our room, found Marluxia and I in a rather …compromising position and …the whole night ended … well …"

"And …?"

He shook his head, "It was never an intentional thing for me to cheat on Larxene …it just …sort of happened. I still think about it now actually …maybe it was for the best. Our relationship was going downhill to begin with …that was just the icing on the cake to top everything all off. Anyway, we ended the tour on a horrible note. When we arrived back overseas, the press had gotten a hold of every last detail of the story and after numerous press conferences and talks; Marluxia eventually left the band by the end of 2005. We went on however …and started writing the material for our fourth album which we released in March of 2007 …and then …well we did another short tour in the US and by the end of the summer decided that it'd be best if we took a short break and try to regroup after what had happened in the past few years. It was a hiatus so to speak." He looked up at me, a faint smile on his face, "And then you came along."

"So he's you're once best friend, now turned obsessed stalker who wants into your pants, but can't have yours so he's turning his sights on me to …try and make you jealous in some odd way shape or form?" I asked.

"That would …be the most accurate description…" Axel propped himself on one elbow, "I don't really understand how seducing you is going to make me jealous, but like I said ...Marx is somewhat insane."

"I agree with you on that." I looked toward the acoustic, reached for it and pulled it back into my lap.

He fell onto his back again and closed his eyes. "I forgot to tell you, tighten up your G string …and your B string also sounds a little bit weird. Loosen it up."

"Axel, how long have you been playing guitar?"

"…Since …" He opened his eyes, "Since I was ten. My grandfather bought me my first acoustic. I've been playing ever since."

He sat up and stretched when I loosened up said strings and strummed the guitar for him. "Is that …better?"

"Lemme get it." I handed the acoustic over to him and he set about setting the strings in tune as if it were nothing. He handed it back over to me without even checking how it sounded, "Try it now."

I strummed a few notes together and blinked. I could definitely notice the change in the guitars sound even though it was pretty subtle. "Hmm…"

"I've got a good ear." He shrugged, rolling back over on his back again, "It comes with years of playing."

"Axel?"

"Hm?"

"…Can you play something?" I asked.

He looked up at me for a few minutes, rolled back over and sat with his legs crossed opposite me. He grinned, furrowing an eyebrow at me, "And just why should I?" I shrugged and pushed the guitar into his lap and he drew it up into his arms, looking at me. He took a moment to think and then smiled at me, "Well … alright. I guess I can."

_I can't find dissociations connected between our fragile lines. I can't see the mask of the man that you've been trying to hide, to find, to divide. ...Because we've been down this road before, held our hands out to the stars and heavens above, lost in the abyss of a broken mind. Shot down into hell, a flaming abyss of loneliness, breathe your prayer to my ears ...hearing the fragile sound barrier disappears. ...I can't sense the face that you've hidden beneath your sullen cry, but I've got a story that's worth your while …_

xXx

"_You _**kissed **_me!" I pointed a finger accusingly at Hayner, while he just sat back and smirked at me. _

"_You didn't pull away." He said, a smug look on his face._

_I shook my head at him, "Hayner. I like _**girls**._ You know? They have breasts and vaginas and pop out babies when you get older. I don't …" _

"_How would you know?" He leaned forward, "Haven't you ever tried anything with guys?" _

"_No …but …" I tried to speak again. He was steadily backing me up into a corner against the head of his bed. "…Hayner." _

"_I think you _**did **_like it …" Hayner grinned, "Let's do it again." _

xXx

As the days of April passed, I found myself gravitating toward Axel more so than ever.

I don't know what it was, but it was just …I actually liked being around him rather than running away from him. He seemed to be increasingly tired these days, and when I asked him about it he told me it was because he was getting next to no sleep from the time that he had spent with me during the day and then his band related stuff which he had worked on during the night.

There were many times when I would come out of my room in the morning to find Axel strewn over the couch, passed out or resting against the windowsill having fallen asleep, a cigarette usually in his hand. Sora didn't have to know about why the white curtains by the window were singed and browned at the ends. Nope, not at all.

Speaking of Sora, he had been increasingly busy in the days following. He was opening up his second restaurant down in Chelsea, and had been swamped with work. He would be too tired to cook whenever he came home so our take out consumption had risen to an all time high. I'm not really a big fan of preservatives, chemicals and other …foreign substances in my food so I started reading up on Sora's cook books that he kept in the study to help him out with the food problem.

Cooking really …wasn't my forte, to tell you the truth. The first time I attempted to ever make something was disastrous.

I had overcooked the rice to the point where it hard turned into some strange unintelligible goop and the steak and carrots were burnt into the pan and were charred beyond all recognition. The only thing that came out somewhat edible were the brownies that Axel instructed me on making. Albeit a little hard, they were somewhat good. Axel found it hilarious, actually.

"And here I was thinking there wasn't anything you weren't good at. Rox, I hate to tell you, but you really can't cook for shit."

Sora nearly had a heart attack when he saw the state the kitchen was in but it instantly subsided when he saw what I had tried to do. We ordered take out again that night.

I'd been watching the calendar with increased interest as the days passed on. My mind had been swarming around one date in specific that would be happening next month and when it came, I wondered what I would do. In past years it'd never bothered me before like it was now, so this was new. I thought about talking to Axel about it …but …

…Well …that didn't come til much later.

xXx

"Ansem." I started, looking up at the ceiling. "What would you say if there's a day coming up that I don't want to particularly deal with at the moment right now? That it could possibly set me back when I've been moving ahead?"

Ansem fixed his glasses. "Well, we should address the feelings of apprehension you have toward this day. What does it mean for you, why do you feel the way you do, what—"

"It's the day that Hayner died." I cut in abruptly, shaking my head. Ansem stayed quiet as if expecting me to say anything.

"Tell me about it." Ansem said, softly.

I sighed, "…His parents were home actually. But they were off busy doing whatever they had been preoccupied with so they had no clue as to what we were doing. We had a sort of ritual we always went through when we were together. It always involved alcohol or drugs and when we were done with those, whatever happened for the rest of the night was purely up to what we felt like doing. Sometimes it was more drugs, other times we'd just sit around doing whatever." I shook my head, "It began with Hayner talking about absolute nonsense. I hadn't really comprehended what he was saying. All his words went into one ear and left out the other."

"What were you two doing at that moment?"

"Hayner was mixing lines of ketamine, amphetamine and cocaine together. Like I stated before, he was talking and not really making much sense to me. I was at his side, staring at the ceiling and not really listening to what he had to say."

"Stimulants and hallucinogens ..." Ansem murmured to himself. When he saw the look I was giving him he merely shook his head and gestured toward me. "Continue, please."

"I was actually coming down off my high. The alcohol still lingered though, so I wasn't completely in the right mind to think properly." I took a brief moment to think, "After he was done creating his lines, I sat up to look at him. He told me to look at his new 'creation' and that it was sure to get him completely lit to the point where he didn't know where he was anymore."

"Did he ever explain why he felt like he needed to do that?"

I shook my head, "Hayner was ...something of a risk taker. He was always pushing himself to see how far he could go before he actually did damage. He did it with every single aspect of his life. If there was one thing I could say I never really approved of about Hayner, it was ...that part of his personality." I sighed, "Either way, Hayner started to do line after line after line. To make a long story short, it got to the point where his nose started bleeding and his breathing grew increasingly labored. As irrational as I was at that point, the moment I saw blood something just …went off in the back of my mind."

Ansem nodded.

"I tried to pull him away, and we fought. I told him he needed to stop but he just wouldn't listen to me. The fight eventually got physical to the point where Hayner... he started shaking pretty violently. I'm pretty sure he was having a seizure. I left the room to try and find his parents so they could call an ambulance but ..." I took a moment to try and control my breathing, "I could …I could have prevented his death, Ansem. If I hadn't …if I hadn't been so …"

"Roxas, it is not your fault." Ansem began.

I cut him off again, "It **is **my fault! He was right there! I knew how stupid he could get, and how bad his addictions ran. I knew everything and yet …I still let things go on as they were. I knew we all needed help and …and I was too stupid to realize how ..." I paused, unable to finish my thought, "It had to take my best friend **dying **to realize that I needed help! To realize that what I was doing wasn't the normal thing to do. That it wasn't right …that …that …"

"…Roxas, you were young. To you, that was your escape. You knew nothing else. Being with Hayner at that moment gave you a sense of security, did it not? Just being with him was comforting to you. You tried to save him, you did, Roxas. You couldn't have realized the repercussions of what you two were doing in the state of mind that you were in …" He leaned forward, "Roxas …are you …alright?"

I nodded morosely, grabbing a tissue from the box at my side and crumpled it up in my hand. "They ruled his death as an accidental overdose." I shook my head, "The media blew up the entire story. Then people really started talking. Hell, everyone talked about it for weeks …months to come. I was Roxas Ardenwell, the classic family fuck up. After that …my parents found out about everything I had been doing. My father instantly sent me off to rehab in Arizona without even discussing anything with me. When I came back to New York by the end of the summer …I had found my stuff packed up and I was sent off to live with my brother Cloud for my senior year of high school while my parents moved away to Westchester with my sister and Sora."

"…And what was that like?"

"Well after Hayner died, I just grew really apathetic toward everything in general. I grew distant from basically everyone and pushed them away. That's how Pence, Olette and I fell out."

"What happened between the three of you before you were gone?"

"Well …Olette's parents found of what she was doing and they had her on lock down for the entire summer and well into senior year. Pence however moved on unscathed. When I came back the summer before senior year we just …we tried to talk to one another but it all felt strange without Hayner being there. You would have thought that we would have grown closer because of the ordeal, but we just grew apart. They attempted to have a relationship with me, but I …I just couldn't." I pulled another tissue out of the box, and blew my nose into it, "I slipped into a depression …a really bad one that resulted in another failed suicide attempt.

"What did you use?"

"Wrist slitting." I murmured, look down at the faint scars that still lingered on my wrists, "Not very effective as you can see. I'm still here. Cloud was the one who put me back into therapy. That's when I started seeing Saïx …though he wasn't much of a help. He basically just put me on a bunch of medication that just made everything worse than what it was."

"…So I remember you telling me …"

"I saw him for nearly two years before I attempted suicide again. That was in the summer of last year." I looked up, "And now I'm here. With you …and Axel."

"Have you been to his grave since he passed?" Ansem asked.

"No." I shook my head. "I haven't worked up the courage to …"

"…Perhaps you should." Ansem mused, "…It could give you some closure."

"I've been thinking of going up there actually. …I thought perhaps now that I've become a bit more stable than I've been in past years I should go see him." I said.

Ansem clasped his hands together on the desk, "Roxas, may I ask you something? It may seem a bit personal and you do not have to discuss it if you wish …"

"What is it?"

"Was your relationship with Hayner …of a sexual nature in any way?" Ansem asked, "I am sorry if it seems intrusive, it is just …the fondness in which you talk about him I since some undertones of attachment beyond what most would consider a normal friendship."

I fiddled with my fingers, "Yes." I let my back hit the wall behind me, "With ...Hayner I always felt something different."

"And losing him was very damaging to your mental psyche." Ansem continued for me, "Roxas …the more we talk, the better I can piece together your past and …gain a better perspective of who you are now and why you are the way you are now."

"And how's the puzzle coming along?" I asked, sarcastically.

"…It's …I wouldn't say it's complete. Perhaps it will never be complete but …it's gained more pieces within these past months."

"I suppose that's a good thing then?"

"It's progress." He folded a piece of paper over in his notebook and scribbled something down on it. "Where is Hayner buried?"

"Central Valley …it's kind of upstate."

"That's almost a two hour drive away from here ...do you know why they buried him so far away?"

"His parents wanted it to be private. You know how crazy the media can get in the city …so they thought by having it so far away was setting them up for an intimate enough setting for them to have the funeral …"

"I see …" Ansem scribbled something else down and then looked up at me, "When did he pass away?"

"May 2nd."

"Why …that's next Friday."

"Yeah …"

"Roxas, if possible and if you think you can endure it, I want you to go visit Hayner's grave." Ansem looked up at me, "We run away from what we don't want to face, but I think …genuinely …that you want to face this. Hayner was …a significant part of your life that you lost. There are no set limits on grieving. Most will tell you that you should be able to get over a period of grief in the matter of two or three months, but for some people …it takes them much longer. Some people _never _get over their grief." He pushed his seat back, "…But this remains to be spoken about another time, for our session is now over."

I stood up just as he was making a movement to open the door. "…Do you think I have a chance to move on?"

"…I believe you do." He opened the door, "I _know _you do."

xXx

May 2nd.

It was a Friday, and it was shitty.

Not how I was feeling that is, the weather. There was a horrendous overcast and it was surely going to rain at any given moment. I was feeling pretty nervous to tell you the truth. I had woken up early that morning for no apparent reason whatsoever, but only for the fact that I had had trouble sleeping the night before. Now I stood pacing in my room back and forth, dressed in a pair of black jeans which had faded to grey—Sora was never too good with laundry—and a long sleeved white and grey striped shirt.

It was nearly eight o'clock in the morning and Sora had most likely just left the house presuming I was still asleep. As customary procedure, Axel would most likely go into the living room to drop whatever he had on off on the couch and then come in to check on me.

This morning however was different.

The moment I heard the door slam shut and the television turn on two seconds later, I instantly turned toward my door in anticipation. "You're up …" He said surprised, blinking. He took off his glasses and looked me up and down, "What's the occasion? Hot date?"

"No, there's something I have to do." I walked up toward him.

"What is it?"

"I need you to take me upstate."

"Woah, wait, what?" He scratched his head, looking confused.

"I didn't stutter. I need you to take me upstate." I said again.

"…Is …does your brother know about this?" Axel asked, "…Or …"

"Ansem does, and that should be enough. Don't believe me? Call him." I walked past him to my closet, reaching for my shoes. "And even if you don't take me, I'm pretty sure I can scourge up some money to find a bus that will take me to my destination." I pulled out a hoodie and a messenger bag to which I stuffed the coat and other necessities into.

"But Roxxxyyy…" Axel followed after me as I turned off the light in my room. "…Who …what do you need to do upstate?"

"If you drive me, I'll tell you."

"You never told me where we were _going _upstate."

"…Central Valley." I turned to look at him.

"…And where in the world is _that_? It sounds like ...a _bajillion _miles away!"

"Two hours max." I said. "Look, are you going to drive me or what? It's kind of important that I go."

"Alright, alright." Axel sighed, "God, I wasn't expecting this today. …You know, Rox, you really do throw me for a loop sometime."

"…That's my job."

"I'm sure it is."

"So …" Axel zipped up his coat, and threw his bag over his shoulder and walked over to where I was by the door, "What are we going to do up there?"

I walked past him into the living room and picked up the remote from the coffee table. I stopped my finger from pressing the off button when I saw what they were reporting on. _Teier Ardenwell was released from Rome Memorial Hospital last night_ … I turned the television off and walked back over to Axel. My father would have to wait.

"We're going to go visit the grave of an old friend of mine."

It was time I made things right with Hayner first.


	19. Babydoll

**19; babydoll**

It started to pour as soon as we left.

"If we're going to be making a long ass trip, I need to get something that's going to wake me up." Axel began as he opened up his umbrella, "I debated going to Starbucks before I came up. Guess I should have gone, huh?"

I followed after him, opening up my umbrella as we stepped out onto the wet pavement. "Whatever." I tipped the umbrella back a bit to gaze at the darkening sky. No sun in sight. I followed him up York Ave, swerving in-between the usual crowd of people that littered the streets.

Axel was whistling to himself as we walked along. He closed his umbrella and shook it out after we arrived at Starbucks. I did the same and then followed him into the store. A few heads turned our way, most of which paid no heed to us. Axel turned to me, "You want anything? My treat."

"Get me a double shot espresso." I mumbled.

"Coming right up." He turned to the woman behind the register and ordered our stuff. Axel thanked the barista when our order was ready and handed me a large cup.

"What'd you get?" I asked as he blanched, sticking his tongue out.

He walked over to the small ledge where the chocolate, cinnamon and other powders were held. Popping open the top to his drink, he held it out to me so I could look at it. It was regular straight up coffee. "…I wanted to give it another try to see if I could actually drink it without feeling the need to throw up. I have to say, Rox, I think I know why you drink it all the time. It's so disgusting and bland that it has to wake you up."

I shrugged, "I like it."

"I'm sure you would." He shook the chocolate dispenser into his cup and then followed it with some cinnamon. He alternated between both to the point where the girl behind the register was rolling her eyes at him.

"You're taking away from the coffee." I muttered.

"No, I'm making it better." He shook his head, putting the cover back on and took a sip. He let out a happy sigh. "Come on, let's get to the car."

I followed him out of Starbucks as we hit the street again. We headed back down to the apartment and entered the garage."You brought the Porsche?" I commented, glancing at him.

"…Zexion's been out of town for a little while." He shrugged. Axel took out his keys, twirling them in his fingers to find the appropriate one to unlock the doors with. I got into the car, pulling the door shut. Axel however left his side open, and was fiddling with something. He leaned down to look at me, phone pressed against his ear. "Do me a favor and start up the car? I have to make a quick call." He held the key out between his middle and thumb finger.

I took it from him and he slammed the door and started pacing outside the driver's side. I leaned over, stuck the key into the ignition, turned it and the car came to life. The CD player turned on, emitting a low buzz from out of the speakers. A few minutes later, a voice came on.

_One …two …check._

_Dem, could you ...what the hell are we doing?_

…_One two …one two check …_

_Cid said we can go._

_We can go? Are you sure? I mean …Dem, what the HELL are you doing?_

_Ba ba ba ba BAAAAAAAMMMM …._

_Okay …okay okay …alright …for Christ sakes, Cid! We got it! Alright …DEMYX PAY ATTENTION!_

_Let's go already! I was ready!_

_Zex?_

…_I was waiting for you two._

_Alright …here we go. A o—DEMYX! _

_What what what? I'm ready!_

_Alright! A one … a two …a one two …_

No doubt, that was Axel, Zexion and Demyx and another voice I couldn't quite place. Axel shouted something unintelligible away from the microphone and the other voice started to talk to them again. Axel opened the car door a few minutes later, and slipped into the driver's seat just as the music started up. He turned it down a little and turned to me. "Sorry …do you mind if we make a little itty bitty stop? I have to drop this off at the house first." He gestured lazily turned the CD player.

"What is it?"

He buckled up as I did and began adjusting his mirrors afterward. "A fucked up demo that Demyx needs." He turned to me and grinned, "Why? Were you listening to it?"

"…It just sort of came on." I mumbled, pressing my chin into the palm of my right hand as I rested my elbow along the edge of the window.

I could feel him smirking as he put the car into drive and reached over to turn the music up again, "I'll let you just _sort o_f listen then …" I rolled my eyes at him as he turned the car around and pulled out of the garage.

The rain hadn't let up since we had come into the garage. In fact, it looked like it had gotten worse. Axel sighed as he pulled out into the street and headed off in the direction of the FDR. I watched the rain slapping against the window as we sped by various buildings along the street. Two seconds later, Axel's phone was going off again and he cursed underneath his breath.

"Roxy, could you see who that is?"

I reached over into the small compartment by the shift and looked at it. "…It's Demyx."

"Answer it, please?" Axel glanced toward me as I hit the on button.

"Where are you? He's not shutting up at all!" Demyx whined.

"…Didn't your mother ever teach you to say hello to people when they answer the phone?" I responded.

"Who the hell? …Roxas? Is that you? What the hell are you doing on Axel's phone for? Put him on! Pleeasssseee?" Demyx whined again, equally as annoying.

"…Sorry but my slave is currently driving. Unless you want him to die before he gets to his destination you'll have to talk to his master."

Axel burst into laughter, trying his best to keep his eyes focused on the road in-between laughter. "Roxas …oh my God." He smiled widely, completely defeating his serious—or attempted serious—nature. "Come on though; stop giving Demyx a hard time. This is serious. Put him on speaker phone, would you? It's the button on the right."

I clicked the button on and held the phone out in my hand. "—xel said! Where are you guys?"

"We're on the FDR, Dem. We'll be there in a few. Sit tight, alright? I know Cid has a stick up his ass right about now but he should have never given us the demo in the first place if he needed it."

"But he told us to **listen** to it didn't he? To see if there was anything we wanted to change?" Demyx asked.

"Yeah, well those are going to be some fast last minute changes. The album ships out next Friday. Does he really think we have enough time to go and change _anything _at this point?"

"…I have no clue. According to Zexion, the covers are already being printed up and all that remains is the finalization of the disc. Just get over here so Cid stops bitching at me. He's called me about three times already. …Make that four. Shit, that's him again. Aaaggghh …"

"Chill out, Dem. We'll be there in a few." Axel groaned, accelerating a bit faster. "Just tell him to go suck on something."

"…And I wonder why the two of you never get along." Demyx muttered, "Alright! I'll see you in a few then."

The line went dead, I turned the speaker phone off and looked up at Axel, "Lovely people skills."

"Yeah, well, my manager can be a pain in the ass at times. You _tell _us that you want us to listen to the demo and then call us at friggin ass o'clock in the morning yelling at us how you want or need it back." He signaled over to switch lanes, his fingers turning white on the steering wheel as he gripped it a bit too hard. He let out a feral sound and honked at a car that was just about to cut him off. "Fucking …"

"Driving like a maniac isn't going to solve anything." I said. "Remember, I'm too young to die. I can't even legally drink yet. You on the other hand however …"

He made a facial gesture halfway between a smirk and a grin, "Whatever you say Rox."

I was thankful when Axel pulled off of the high way. When we arrived at his apartment building, Demyx was standing outside; an umbrella held up over his head and looked relieved when we pulled up. Axel rolled the window down on my side and handed me the disc while Demyx ran over to the car and poked his head in.

"About time you got down here, jeez." He looked at the disc, flipping it over in his hand and then looked up at Axel.

"I just about had to break the speed limit to get down here at the rate that I did too, be thankful." He sighed. "You don't need anything else do you?"

"Nope." Demyx turned to me and waved. "I hope you didn't lose your lunch on the way, Roxas."

"It's still morning."

"You know what I mean." Demyx shook his head, grinning. "Alright, I'm going to go call Cid. You two carry on your merry way. See ya!"

Axel waved, rolled the window back up and sped off down the street as Demyx walked back into the building. He turned the radio on and was driving back in the direction of the FDR. I shrugged my hoodie off and nestled into the seat, preparing myself for the long drive ahead of us.

"Are you hungry?" Axel asked me, "We can pick something up after we get off of this thing …"

"Not really. Maybe later." I murmured, resting my arm against my arm.

"So …tell me something, Roxas." Axel began a bit hesitantly. "This …"

"Yes?"

He cleared his throat, "Let me try this again. Where we're going, that is. This person … this grave that you want to go visit," He gripped the steering wheel tightly, "Would you mind if I asked you who it was?"

I lowered my gaze to the floor, taking a deep breath, "…Axel. How much did you know about me before you were assigned this job?"

"Well …I'd hear your name in the tabloids a lot." Axel tapped his finger on the wheel, "And, funny story actually. Demyx is the cousin to your brother's friend, Tidus."

I rested my arms on the window, pressing my forehead against the glass. "And you know this how?"

Axel shrugged, "Demyx mentioned it once or twice after I told him about you. You've got a famous family, Roxas …you'd be surprised who has connections to you." He glanced at me, "Anyway, about your previous question. Like I was saying, I'd hear about you a lot in the tabloids. Roxas found doing this, Roxas partying like that …Roxas, Roxas, Roxas. They used to call you the Ardenwell Wild Child, didn't they? Your brother Cloud was the low-key one, and then your brother Sora would pop up occasionally but …there was nothing ever bad about him. They say your little sister's taking your spot in the tabloids though." He rolled to a stop at a red light.

"They blew things out of proportion. It was never as bad as they said it was." I said. "Have you ever heard of Hayner Mason?"

"Sounds familiar …"

"His mother was a famous model back in the 80s. She did a lot of …artistic …shots for a bunch of photographers. His father owns a large scale of hotels all over the world." I turned to him, "He was my best friend. Him, Pence and Olette …"

"The ones we met in the grocery store back in January, right?"

I nodded, and went silent for a while, wondering how I was going to phrase what I was about to say. I guess Axel was a bit unnerved by the silence because he called my name.

"Roxas? You still there?"

"Yeah. I was just thinking." I paused, lowering my gaze. "Remember when I told you to read the tabloids to find out about happened between me, Pence and Olette? Well …the reason I don't talk to them anymore is because of what happened with Hayner. …Hayner passed away at the end of our junior year." The car rolled to a stop again before I said anything else.

Axel was silent for awhile, and I didn't say anything either. After the silence in the car had gotten to a deafening level, Axel spoke. "I'm sorry …"

I shook my head, "You didn't do anything."

"Yeah …but still," He shrugged his shoulder, checking the rear view mirror quickly. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Hmm…" I tapped my finger against the side of my seat, "Today's the third year anniversary. I haven't been to his grave since the funeral." I paused, "…Ansem suggested it would be a good idea if I went this year. To get closure …"

"Confronting the problem at its source, huh?" Axel asked in a way where I don't think he really expected an answer. "…You've changed, Roxas."

"So everyone's been telling me."

"It's a good thing." He grinned, looking at me. "I think I'm finally rubbing off on you."

I frowned, "That's hardly the case. I've just put something's into perspective, that's all." …I didn't want to tell him that perhaps that was true. Just a little bit though.

"Whatever you say, Rox."

We were quiet for a little while after that. We were currently speeding along the highway as I turned my sights up toward the sky. The rain had cleared up for a little bit, but the cloud's still hung over head. I rested my head against the cold window, and yawned deftly and blinked away the water that formed in my eyes.

There was something about the lull of a car that always made me fall asleep no matter where I was. Well, that coupled with my lack of sleep last night was causing me to fall asleep. I yawned widely again and stifled it with my hand this time.

I inhaled slightly as I went to wipe away the tears forming in my eyes again. The radio clicked off two seconds later and Axel pushed a CD into the slot. The voice coming out of the speakers was high pitched, a tad bit feminine and ...sort of sounded like Axel. Axel tapped the top of the steering wheel with the beat.

I turned to look at him, "That's …not you, is it?"

"And if it were?" Axel asked, smirking.

"You just got one hundred percent gayer in my book."

He laughed briefly, shaking his head. "No, Roxy, its Mika." Axel said grinning at me. "I …can't go that high though. If I tried I'd break windows."

"I'm sure you would." I mumbled. I yawned again, "I'm going to take a nap, okay?"

Axel nodded, and went back to singing softly with the music. I fell back into the chair, pushed my shades high onto my head and closed my eyes.

xXx

"_I have _**HAD** _it up to __**HERE **__with your insolence." My father was on the rampage again. I didn't bother to defend myself as I was brought before him. My mother was nowhere to be found. "The press is having a _**FIELD DAY** _with you!_

_I looked above my head at the ceiling not meeting his eyes again. _

"_If I didn't have a reputation to uphold as someone who _cares _for the well being of his family I would have you shipped far away from here so I may never see your face again." He spat, "I'm sending you away to Arizona. I don't want to hear it, you're going. I don't want to see you; I don't want to hear from you. I _**want** _you to clean up your fucking act. You'd be wise to do as I advise."_

_My gaze did not move from the ceiling._

xXx

"Rox? Roxy?"

I blinked blearily as I opened my eyes that were still heavy with sleep. Axel was by my side, hand on the gear. "Wha?" I asked confusedly. I sat up, massaging the crick in my neck. "What's the matter?"

"You slept for the entire ride." Axel smiled slightly. He buckled his seat belt up and held a bag out to me, "Hungry? I made a little pit stop to get something to eat."

"Not really …" I looked out the window to see that he had pulled into a small lot with a bunch of small stores littered at its sides. "Where are we?"

"Central Valley." He said. "Well, you slept the entire way."

"So …we're here." I murmured. "Did you see any signs talking about a Galloways cemetery?"

"A little while back actually." Axel grinned, taking the car out of park and backing up so that he could head onto the main road again. There was some music coming out of the cars speakers that reminded me vaguely of techno. I pulled my shades back over my eyes and got comfortable in the chair as Axel kept focused down the road.

"…Take this road for a little while longer, I'll tell you when to turn off."

"Alright."

We road for a little while as I stared out at the window again. A few minutes later, I was instructing Axel where to turn off at and we pulled into cemetery. After driving around for a little while, we stopped short of a large iron gate. He parked the car and we got out. I stepped out of the car, slamming the door behind me. Axel followed behind me, an umbrella swinging from his hand while I kept my hoodie pulled up over my head. I took a few steps forward, folding my arms as the wet grass squished underneath my sneakers, leaving green residue along their sides.

"Where to?" Axel asked, keeping an even pace behind me. He twirled the umbrella around on his wrist, "I mean …you know …"

"I'm thinking …" I shook my head, scanning the cemetery. It had been a long time since I had been here and to tell you the truth, my memory was a bit foggy. We came to an intersection with a black iron gate and another road that led off to another row of headstones. I looked up at the gate, "This is it."

Axel came up behind me, "Are you sure?"

"Positive." I looked around, "I think we need clearance to get in here though …" I motioned for him to follow me back to the car so we could get to the information building at the front of the cemetery.

We got back into the car and Axel swerved along the winding road to the main building. He parked out front and stayed in the car while I entered into the building. There were a few people inside, but none of them seemed to be on the line for help. I took off my shades and advanced toward the first person standing behind the desk.

"Hello. How may I help you?" She was a petite girl with freckles flaked across her nose and dark red hair.

I leaned forward a bit. "Yes …I'm trying to visit a grave site but the area is locked off."

"Are you family of the deceased person?" She asked.

"…No, but I was a friend." I replied.

"What's your name, sir?" She tapped a bit on the panel in front of her.

"Roxas Ardenwell."

The woman looked up at me for quite some time before tapping away on the panel again and nodding her head. "Roxas …Roxas Ardenwell. You're on the visitation list, sir. I'm sorry for this inconvenience. Simply bring your vehicle or mode of transportation to the gate; it'll be opened prior to your arrival."

I looked past her to see a few bouquets of flowers behind her, "…Um …how much are flowers?"

"The bouquets are ten dollars. Everything else is five."

I took my wallet out of my back pocket, forked over a ten and she accepted it. "Can I get the white roses, please?"

"Sure." She set the bouquet down in front of me on the counter.

I pulled it off the panel and nodded toward her. "Thanks."

"Have a good day." The woman smiled.

Axel started up the car when he saw me heading out. I pulled open the door, set the bouquet down on the gear and got in, slamming the door and buckling my seat belt.

"What'd they say?" He asked, putting the car into drive.

"They'll let us through. Head back to where you were."

We swerved right back around the bend and headed back to the gate. True to the woman's word, the gate had been opened and Axel drove the car through. It closed when we were on the other side. Axel parked the car, turned it off and pocketed his keys. We were finally here.

I opened my door and got out. I placed my hand on the top of the door briefly as I looked out at all the graves before us. Trees littered the area, crowding together to create an intimate setting. I closed the door and pulled my hood back up over my head as we walked along the road. It was quiet out here. There was nothing besides the howl of the wind or the echo and crunch of Axel and my footsteps on the gravel and grass as we walked on. I stopped walking when I spotted a willow tree a little while away from where I was standing. I didn't turn around, but I heard Axel's footsteps stop as soon as my own did.

"Axel …can you wait here?"

"Take your time."

I nodded and started walking again. The wind was starting to pick up and I drew my arms around my chest. I hugged the bouquet closer to my body as I flinched from the cold. The leaves in the willow tree I was standing by rustled. I stood rooted to my spot as I looked down and saw the headstone prostrate in front of me. The wind was beginning to die down as I kneeled before the grace. I set the bouquet of roses into the small slit in the front of the head stone and sat down in front of it. Here I was, kneeling above the six feet of dirt of which Hayner was buried under. After three years of running I was here to confront my fears.

I sat down, crossing my legs and looked up at the sky. "It's been a long time, hasn't it, Hayner? I haven't really been a good friend, have I? But a lot has happened; I think you already know. It's been hard without you in these past years." I took a deep breath and unraveled my feet, drawing them up to my chest. "I blame myself for what happened. I think …" My head dropped into my knees, "Ansem …you remember Ansem? He treated me when I was a kid? I'm seeing him again …he says I shouldn't blame myself for what happened. I didn't know what I was doing and …I can't stop blaming myself, though. It's hard because I can't hear you say, _I forgive you_."

I shook my head, "…Your expression …while we were waiting for the ambulance to come? I can never erase that from my mind as much as I try. Hayner, I'm sorry …I'm sorry I failed you. I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger for you. I'm sorry that you were the one that always had to lead us, and I could never step up and do a good enough job with backing you up. Pence, Olette and I all fell apart without you and it's my fault that it happened. Hayner …I'm …I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I can't bring you back. Words can't bring you back and …and …"

I closed my eyes, feeling them mist over briefly, "I …don't think I ever cried. I don't think I've ever cried over you. I couldn't cry at your funeral. I couldn't cry that night that you died. I couldn't cry months afterwards. I holed up and became some selfish asshole who hated the world, Hayner. All because he failed his best friend, it just wasn't fair. And I'm sorry …I'm sorry I fucked up so badly. I always think I could have done something else, something better to stop you but I …I'm so weak. I'm so weak and I …"

The tears were starting to flow freely now and my shoulders were shaking. There was nothing I could do to stop them. I got to my feet, looking down at the headstone. I looked back up to the sky, staring at that sharp grey that filled it.

"I fucking want you_ back, _Hayner. Why the fuck did you have to leave? Why did you leave me alone? Why? You come into my life, make it the best it's ever been since I was a fucking little kid and then you just fucking leave me all alone with no one else to turn to. I _depended _on you and you _**left**_ me, dammit! I want you back …I fucking …want you here with me, right now. I don't care …I don't care about anything else. I just want you back." I sunk back to my knees, keeling over and pressing my face into my hands. "I want you back …"

I looked at the head stone one more time and then I took off running.

I don't know why, but I just took off from the grave running with absolutely no direction. Axel was calling out my name behind me but I didn't stop. I kept running. I'm not supposed to be running anymore, but this is …this is different. I'm not running away from anything, I just need to run. …I think it's to feel something. To make sure I'm alive, that none of this is make believe. I'm running to find Hayner. I'm running to catch up with Hayner. I'm running so that I can finally catch him after all these years. I want to find him, I need to find him and I'm not …I'm not running away. I'm running forward.

Axel's voice started to fade the further I ran through the graveyard. Steadily I found myself in a bunch of forest brush. My lungs were starting to hurt as I slowed to a stop. I was alone where I was. I cast a glance upwards and saw a canopy of trees above my head. I sunk along the length of a tree, hitting the earthy floor beneath me.

My breathing was still a bit labored, but was returning to normal. I wiped away at the tear stains on my cheeks. My heart still hammered in my chest, and I drew my legs up to my face and propped my cheek against one of my knees. A leaf snapped behind me and a familiar voice resounded close by.

"Roxas?"

I didn't pick my head up.

"Roxas…" I could feel Axel at my side.

"Sometimes …I wonder if the right person died." I started, "I wonder if Hayner was supposed to be the person that was supposed to die. We were young …I was seventeen and Hayner would have been seventeen by the end of July."

Axel kneeled down next to me by the tree.

"…It was drugs, Axel. An overdose. That's how Hayner died. All those stories about me in the tabloids? About the partying and drugs and everything else? Yeah, they were all true. Stretching the truth a bit, but for the most part all of them were true. Hayner died because of me. They said it wasn't my fault, but I …I think it was. I was there, I could have prevented it. If I hadn't been so fucked up that night, none of that shit would have happened."

"…Rox …" Axel said.

"It's been bubbling inside me for so long that …it's gotten to this point. I think …perhaps I've found some closure coming here. I've got a long way to go, Axel …a _really _long way. And I think I'm afraid to admit that. That I'm afraid to leave where I'm comfortable. I've been stuck this way for so long …" I shook my head, "…It's hard to break your usual habit of things."

"How do you feel being here?"

"Strange. Conflicted …a little …I don't know, it's indescribable. I thought I could do this but …it's …it's not what I envisioned. I don't even know why I'm here." I turned to him. "I'm just confused."

"Well …it's okay, Rox." He looked up at the sky, "I mean I think it's pretty brave of you to come out here in the first place and come and visit …Hayner, right? Some people don't even go back to the grave sites after their loved ones have passed on. …It's too traumatic for them." He grinned, "I won't judge you for it, you know?"

I lowered my gaze, looking down at the ground and nodded. "I'm sorry for freaking out on you." I mumbled.

"Hey, don't worry about it." He rummaged around in his back pocket, handing me something. I looked at the packet and then up at him, "Well, go on …take one."

"Thanks …" I brought a tissue up to my nose and blew it a couple of times and sighed, "Well, I guess that's it."

"…Come on, let's get you cleaned up and get something to eat. You haven't eaten anything all day and it's not doing you any good by having an empty stomach.

Axel got to his feet and extended his hand out. Reluctantly, I let him pull me to my feet and stood up. We got out of the clearing and headed back in the direction of the cemetery. After walking for some time, I noticed we hadn't even passed by Hayner's grave yet. "I didn't realize I'd run so far."

"Are you kidding me? You're a little _speed _demon!" Axel gestured. "I could barely keep up with you."

"You're just out of shape." I counted, "And you need to stop smoking."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Are you going to give this up?"

"No."

"Must you always need to win, Rox?"

"Yes."

He paused as we finally arrived at the car and grinned. "I'll break you down one of these days."

"_That _I would love to see."

"Oh, shut up and get in the car so we can find somewhere to eat, Roxas."

xXx

_I couldn't breathe, God, I couldn't breathe. _

_It was hot, _too _hot. My shirt had started to stick to my skin in the heat of the room, pasting itself against my skin and clinging in all the wrong places. My legs felt as if a heavy mass had claimed them and deemed them unmovable no matter how hard I tried. I was no longer in control of my body, but someone else was. _

_There was a wet sensation running intricate lines along the underside of my neck and causing me to pant even louder in the silent room. Cool salvia was left in its wake, and only dried when my captor breathed some type of air onto the surface. With a wet smack, he drew away from me and peered at me with piercing emerald eyes. He eyed me briefly, and then lowered his assault on my body. His mouth was hot against my stomach, licking and pinching every square inch of sensitive skin. He backtracked up in the same direction until he reached my lips again and bit down on my lower lip so hard that I thought he was about to draw blood. _

_The kiss was tantalizing. He leaned over in an attempt to gain more leverage. His tongue slipped between my lips faster than I could realize and was busy exploring the depths of my mouth as if he were trying to make a mental map in his head for him to remember for later. His tongue ring clicked against my teeth more than once and tickled the roof of my mouth which left me panting even further when the tingling sensation left me. _

_He deepened the kiss by pressing my body closer to his, almost in an attempt to cut off all source of oxygen from me. I found myself struggling to breathe even through my nose and gripped his upper arms in an attempt to drive him off of me. He pulled back a bit, a thin line of saliva falling from our mouths and he grinned at me again. This time, he went back to my neck, licking lines to what I was sure was his name._

_I could feel my hard-on growing painfully against the crotch of my pants and groaned when he did nothing to relieve it. "Axel …" I mumbled as he now moved up my neck to my ear and was carefully running his tongue along the outer shell of my cartilage. _

_He leaned forward into my ear; "Shh …" His right hand began to run the length of my leg, index finger drawing one long line up from my knee to the top of my thigh. Without warning, he gripped me rather roughly through my pants and I let out a surprised yelp, and my hand promptly flew to my mouth. His hand snaked slowly into the front of my pants, popping the top button and slowly undid the zipper. He shrugged the pants down off my hips and I aided in what I could. He yanked at me, squeezing me gently and my hands promptly linked around his neck as a means of controlling my hips that were bucking into his grip. He ran a thumb along the top of the slit and smeared some pre-cum onto his fingers. I opened one eye at him and found that he was close by, his face barely a half inch away from mine. He smirked devilishly._

"_Sensitive, aren't we, Roxy?"_


	20. Days That Are Over

**20; days that are over**

I could barely breathe when I woke up.

My eyes literally flew open and my heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to pound its way out of my chest. On top of that, my entire body—even in my sleeping ensemble of a t-shirt and a pair of loose shorts—felt like it was covered in perspiration. And lastly, there were those butterflies in my stomach, and my inability to stop shaking no matter how hard I tried to calm myself down.

…Shit.

It was only a dream, right? I only had that dream because …because I'm around Axel a lot. It's natural to dream about people you're always around. I dream about Sora all the time. Just like I dream about Ansem and other various people I know. Then again I don't necessarily dream about my twin brother without his shirt on or …on top of me in bed …running his tongue along my …my …my fucking hard-on …

Holy _shit_.

If my body was going to have a fucking wet dream, couldn't it have just …you know, done its business without me having to wake up to find myself in this sort of situation? I turned around in the sheets and glanced at the clock on my nightstand and saw that it was indeed ass o'clock in the morning. Half after eight to be exact. Still early, still tired …and still hard …very hard.

Oh fuck this all to hell.

I rolled out of bed, stepping onto the ground and wandered over to my door. All I had to do was …calm down, go into the bathroom and do whatever, get back into bed before I had to go to Ansem and lastly, will away this entire thing from my mind. Good game plan, Roxas. Good game plan.

I opened the door.

"Morning, Roxy!"

I closed—slammed actually—the door shut.

Okay, so that was a bad game plan. I turned around and sank down to the floor, my back sliding along the length of the door. I let my head loll back and hit its surface, groaning all the way. Today was _not _my morning.

"Well good morning to you too?" Axel asked sounding all sorts of confused.

"Axel …can …" I paused. Wait a minute, today was _Saturday. _I looked up at the door knob as if I were expecting to see him. "Wait a second, what are _you _doing here?"

"Your brother never came home last night." He said, his voice muffled by the closed door. "He's been up at your parent's house since he got off from work yesterday. He called but you were sleeping when I finally got his call, and he told me not to wake you. You do know your father's out of the hospital right?"

"Oh …yeah …" Was all I could say. I had forgotten about that in my Hayner induced fog. I tapped my finger along the door, "I have to see Ansem today."

"I know. That's why I was coming to wake you up but I can see you're already …up." He paused, "Are you okay?"

"Fine, best I've been in ages." I steadily pushed myself up off of the floor, my back riding along the door. "I'll …I'll be right out."

"Well alright. I'll be in the living room if you need me." I heard his footsteps fade away from the door two seconds later. I peeked out of the door to see if Axel was around, and then looked out into the hallway to make sure the area was clear. Axel was nowhere in sight. I stepped out of my door, closing it silently behind me and started off toward the bathroom. I slammed the bathroom door shut behind me and turned around to look at myself in the mirror. But, first …

You may think this is strange …but … I can't remember the last time I actually masturbated. I'm nearly sexually frigid. Call it an inability to get in touch with my sex drive—big time.

I was never like the other boys back in high school. All of them had their hands permanently attached to their dicks all day every day. Every hour of their life was usually spent jacking off to the resident hot female teacher—you know every high school has one. The one with the skimpy short skirt, and tight ass shirt …and she's usually well endowed and gifted in the rear end division. I never really understood the attraction.

I mean, if we were to get on the topic of my sexual exploits, let me tell you—they're none too impressive. The most obvious I suppose would be what I did with Hayner, considering my relationship with him. There were a few random hand jobs here and there and he …might have sucked me off once or twice. …Other than that, there was no way in hell he'd get me to do anything else.

There was also Naminé …but that attempt in and of itself is something never to talk about. I'll just say things were awkward between us for about a month, and leave it at that. Rikku always told me I was lying to myself when I said I never knew what my true sexuality was. It was blatantly obvious in her opinion. According to her, little sisters have gaydars that surpass even the most flamboyant of gay men.

She told me once: "Roxas, you nearly broke my gaydar."

I didn't talk to her for a week.

I sat down on the ledge of the tub as I turned the water on for a shower and quickly stripped down to bare necessities. Since my days in the hospital, I definitely had put on a fair share of weight and filled out in areas where I had become too thin from months of bed rest. It would still take awhile for my body to get back to normal though. I stepped into the shower, letting the water run over me for a few before I turned my attention to my nether regions.

I quickly did what I had to do without much of a stimulus, finished with my shower and hopped out. As soon as I walked out of the bathroom and over to my room, I could hear Axel whistling in the kitchen. I shut the door to my bedroom just so I had ample room to extend my head out of the space.

"Axel? What's it like outside?"

"It's warm …but a little cool." He yelled back. "Just dress in black like you always do, Roxy!"

"Shut up!" I threw on a black sleeveless hoodie with a short white shirt underneath it and a pair of dark blue jeans. I searched my room for my checkered Vans but couldn't find them no matter where I looked. I wandered back into the hallway, toweling down my hair.

Axel was sitting over in the recliner by the window, twirling a pair of keys around his index finger. I removed the towel from my damp head, "Axel …do you know where I put my shoes at last night? Also, what time is it?"

"Check in the closet by the door, and its five after." He closed his hand over the keys, turned them over and then threw them across the room at me, "Catch."

I barely hooked a finger around the keys before they almost fell to the floor. "What the hell, Axel?"

He stood up stretching. "Those are yours."

I gave him an incredulous look, "I'm not supposed to have keys, remember? No sharps or freedom for the crazy kid?"

"You weren't supposed to but now you are." He folded his arms. "I'll explain later. Just hold onto them, alright?"

I wordlessly dropped the keys into my pocket and turned away from Axel as I knelt by the closet he had mentioned before. Lo and behold, my vans were perched atop a box with a label of 'crap'. …Sora's stuff, no doubt.

"…I had a laugh at that when I saw it." Axel's voice sauntered in from behind me.

I instantly turned around, feeling the butterflies settling into my lower abdomen again. I hadn't even heard him sneak up on me to begin with. Groaning, I rolled my shoulders and fell backwards onto my rear to pull my shoes on. "What are you talking about?"

"The box labeled, 'crap'." He said.

"It's Sora's." I mumbled, "There's still some stuff he hasn't unpacked in this place yet."

"Hmm…" He snorted, and didn't finish his thought. "You aren't hungry or anything? We have a little time."

"Not really." I mumbled. If this wasn't getting more awkward for me by the moment I don't know what was …

"Then I guess we should get going then …"

"Mmm …" I stood up beside him as he moved off to the side and I walked over to the door.

"…What about your hair?" He rubbed his hand over his head, "It's …you know …still kind of wet."

I sighed, turning around and heading down the hallway to my room. I quickly pulled a black cap off the back of my closet door and pulled it on just as I was sliding my shades onto my nose. I walked back over to Axel who was waiting by the front door for me.

"Practical." He shrugged, and grinned. "Never seen you with a hat before. You had time to dry it you know?"

"Yeah, well I didn't feel like it. Just shut up and get out the door."

"At your command, my dear Master Roxas."

xXx

I can tolerate Axel.

I'll only say that now only after knowing him for I guess …it's been a half a year or a little more than that now. I could hardly tolerate being in a room with him for more than five minutes back then. But, tings have changed though. Things have changed a lot. He's gotten closer to me. Closer than I've realized.

And that scares me, I think. I know I've talked about letting Axel in to some degree. After fighting everyone for so long, and knowing that someone's breaking down the walls I've built and keep them down is a bit …unnerving to me. It's unfamiliar territory if you want to know the truth. Then again, maybe it's a good thing. Since as long as I can remember, I haven't always been easily approachable. Actually, to tell you the truth, most people would probably be afraid of me like they are of Cloud if it weren't for Sora.

When we were younger, Sora was always the one that made all the friends and could do no harm to anyone or anything. I was always the quiet one who was more reclusive than anything else. A lot of people always said that I was like a less extreme version of Cloud. But, the difference between Cloud and me is that he's not really as cold as everyone thinks he is. He's actually just …really distant with people because he chooses not to deal with people unless he has to. Me on the other, I'm just not a people person. The honest to God truth is that I don't know _how _to deal with people. Cloud does, I don't.

I think I've been learning how to do that within these past few months, though. Axel, in his own sick and somewhat demented ways, has helped to facilitate that. …I mean I've been stuck with him on a …well …a nine to five, five days—six or seven days on some occasions—a week basis. I …he …he's bound to rub off on me in some way shape or form, it's inevitable. But … I hardly believe that having a dream about him last night like I did is a part of that package. And now every word that I'm thinking of now is started to sound like a sexual innuendo. This isn't my day. It really isn't.

I just want to know one thing. Why—all of a sudden—does this have to start happening now? I mean …I had been fine around Axel before. Hardy har, he's an idiot, we have our laughs and that's the end of things. Definitely rubbing off on me. Since when do I say, 'we have our laughs'? You know …I think it would be best if I just tried to calm down. Calming down is good for you, it stops your mind from racing like it's on fucking adderall—like mine is right now.

But … back to my thoughts on Axel. I can tolerate him. But after that dream last night, I just …I feel too awkward being around him right now. And he's _concerned _about me, that's what sucks. If I'm not acting like my stoic, stick up my ass self, he has reason to worry because _that's _what he knows me as.

…And …it's because he doesn't want me holing myself up and working myself into a fit, because of how things ended up last time in January. I know this for a fact and I guess I just feel sort of weird about it. I'm just not used to having someone so near all the time that's basically _there _for me to talk to if I ever feel like it. …Not since Hayner died, at least.

"What's with the spacey look, Roxas?"

Perfect timing. I shook my head, looking at Axel who was staring at me with raised eyebrows. "Wha?"

"Wha?" He replied, mimicking me and then grinning. "You coming down with something?" He asked, leaning in a bit. He raised a hand to my forehead, and felt around for a few, "You don't feel hot …"

I slapped his hand away, and let out another shaky breath as my stomach started to churn again. "I'm _fine_." …Oh my god, what the hell is wrong with me?

"Are you surrreee?"

"Axel, chill out, I'm fine." I looked out the window, and turned back to Axel, "…Why aren't we moving?"

He peered out into the front window of the bus, "…Traffic! What else is new?" Axel stood up out of his seat and turned to me, "Come on, it makes no sense for us to stay here. It'd be faster if we just walked. We're only two blocks away anyway."

I followed him out of the bus and out into the street. We crossed the congested onslaught of cars that were honking like absolute maniacs and ended up on the other side of the street. I fell into step behind Axel as we neared Ansem's office. He held the door open for me and we both entered the air conditioned area. The woman at the reception desk sent us toward the elevator.

Axel turned to me while we were in the elevator. "Listen, Rox." He started, "I've gotta step out for a few while you're with Mr. Wise so I might be a little late getting back. Sit tight, though and don't go anywhere." The doors opened and he grinned at me, pressing the button to head back down. He winked at me, waved and the doors closed in front of him.

Sighing, I turned around and headed off past another receptionist into Ansem's office. Ansem looked up at me from over the rims of his glasses, "Hello, Roxas."

"Enmmm …" I mumbled, as I sat down heavily on the couch opposite him.

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

Ansem shuffled the papers on his desk, a pen poised above his paper. "Well. Sounds like a lot has happened in this week based on that greeting you gave me. Start wherever you want."

"I went to Hayner's grave yesterday." I started.

"I'm glad." Ansem said, "What was it like?"

"Strange is the first word that comes to mind, and then I got to thinking that …in a way it wasn't so strange. It just felt weird for me to be at his grave after all these years. I won't say I've found closure yet, but …it …it helped to go see him. I believe that much."

"Do you think this has helped in any way for the guilt you felt about his death?"

"…Well, yeah." I started, "I think it has. I mean I've stayed away for so long. I think going to visit his grave finally formed the bridge I've been unwilling to cross. I've just crossed that bridge though …so who knows what's going to happen on the other side. I …we …can only hope that things get better, right?"

"If you believe so, then yes." Ansem smiled softly, "Now is that all for Hayner?"

"For now …yeah." I crossed my arms, "If I have something else to say about him I will. We can talk about something else."

"…What do you want to talk about?"

I regarded him for a few moments, and sighed. "…I had a dream last night."

"Dreams are always interesting. Sometimes they contain the key to our inner wants and passions. Sometimes they reflect our day to day lives and how we interpret them." He clasped his hands together, "But …do go on."

Inner _wants _and _passions_? I could very well have a heart attack. Axel is _hardly _an inner passion, whatever the fuck _that's _supposed to mean. He's an idiot. An obnoxiously tall idiot. I scratched the corner of my ear and shook my head, "Um …" Then again …who said that he was necessarily referring to the dream that I had last night? Ohhh …

"It's alright if you can't remember everything." Ansem leaned forward, "We'll work with what we can."

Oh, I can remember everything _perfectly_. "It's nothing really. It was just a really …weird dream concerning someone I know. I don't know what we were doing, but it was just …something …" I looked upward, raising my eyebrows, "Weird."

"Well …" Ansem started, "Weird by what terms?"

"Weird …terms." I tried.

"That doesn't really help me, Roxas."

"Um …it was …strange for me, I guess. It was an awkward situation?" I could feel my cheeks heat up again.

"Well, have you ever found yourself in a similar situation in real life?"

"Well …no …yes? I don't know. Maybe, perhaps? Yes. I think I have but, no …as in how, rather the direction it was going. Yes? I don't really know how to answer the question. I mean, I've done _part _of what was going on, but never as far as it went."

"Well, do you want to do this 'strange thing' with the person in your dream? Not now, but at a later point in time?"

"_**NO**_!" I found myself nearly out of my seat, about to tear across Ansem's desk and ring his neck. I sat back down, pulling the top of my hoodie over my eyes and sinking lowly into the crevice of the couch. "I'm sorry."

"It is alright. Clearly this dream has affected you in some way." Ansem wrote something down on his pad, "Perhaps if you have another dream that you can remember, you will tell me? I do like talking about dreams with my patients …they can be really interesting at times."

"I'll keep that in mind." I mumbled, shaking my head again. I looked up at him, "Ansem, can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

I reached into my pocket, dangling the keys in front of him. "Axel gave me keys. I thought I wasn't allowed to own any."

"Ahh, yes …those keys." He cleared his throat, "When you first came to me Roxas, I had you under a strict lock down after you returned home. You were to have nothing that could pose as a threat to your safety or in other cases, those around you. The revocation of the keys to your house was a means of keeping tabs on your whereabouts."

"And the changes of the locks on the door?"

"Safety protocols. It made it harder for you to leave the house on your own accord if you had to lock the door from both sides with the use of a key. Just like the lock on your door was removed or the locks on the kitchen drawers were put on." He pushed his glasses up on his nose, "But now …"

"Now?"

"…I think …you've proven yourself." Ansem started, "I've said it many times before, but I have noticed a change in your demeanor, Roxas. I think it's time we work on getting you adjusted to the real world. We'll see where you go from here."

"I presume you talked about this with Axel?" I glanced at him, as I pocketed the key, "And Sora?"

"Axel, yes. Your brother was …happy, actually. I understand he's been a lot of stress lately?"

"My father's out of the hospital." I started, "I think I'm supposed to go up there and see him after I'm done here with you."

"Do you feel prepared for the visit?"

"Truth be told I'm apathetic toward it, really." I shrugged. "I …don't think I'm as afraid as I used to be when it came to him." I glanced toward the clock and then at Ansem, "He's all words, completely all words and no action. He tries to use his power to control us. But I …I think it's time I step outside of that and fight back again after what I've had to endure over the course of all these years."

"Do you think being in the hospital may have changed him any?"

"I don't know, we'll see." I shrugged again, "I'm not worried about it too much. I think …I'm just waiting to see what happens, that's all."

"A calm resolve is always an appropriate approach." Ansem stood up. "Well, I apologize but that's all we have time for today. Do tell me how things go with your father, and take care of yourself in the meantime."

I stood up, and allowed Ansem to lead me out of the office. After I said goodbye to him, I exited the waiting room and went down to the first floor. Axel, of course, was nowhere in sight. I peered around outside for a few minutes. When I saw no sign of him; I went back inside to sit down on one of the seats.

It wasn't until I heard an engine revving loudly outside and someone yelling, "Rooooxxxyyyy!" that I opened my eyes to look outside. Axel was parked outside on the curb in the Porsche once again. I got inside, slamming the door and buckled my seatbelt. He was staring at me and grinning.

I frowned, "What?"

"Nothinggg." He put the car into drive, "Did you have a good session with Ansem?"

"It was fine." I glanced at him, "Where are we going?"

"Sora told me to bring you up to the house as soon as you got out of Ansem's." Axel looked at me.

"I'll be fine." I waved a hand dismissively before he could ever say anything else. "I said I'd deal with it when the time came, didn't I? And it's here, so I'll deal with it as it comes. I'm not afraid …just a bit apprehensive. Worried, maybe a bit curious."

"But I wasn't going to ask you that." Axel said, a hint of smugness in his voice.

"Well I'm just saying." I mumbled. "Ansem told me about the keys."

"Enjoying your new found freedom, hm?"

"It was only a matter of time, actually." I replied. "…So what does that mean? Are you going to keep tagging along and babysitting me?"

"I'll still be around, don't worry." He paused, "But giving you back the keys to the house is more of a trust thing. You know, 'we trust you'll be responsible and do the right thing' sorta thing. We all know you're old enough to look after yourself …but we just want to make sure we're protecting you at the same time, you know?"

I looked at him as we rolled to a stop. He was smiling at me again. Actually, it was more of his usual smirk. The same one that made me want to punch him in the face after I had first met him. And that was my cue to enter psychotic mode all over again. If only I could get that stupid dream out of my mind, I'd be fine really.

I dozed in and out of reality for the remainder of the trip. I was too busy wrapped up in my own thoughts to realize if Axel was talking to me or not. …If you really want to know, all they really consisted of was …that dream again. There's really no way I was going to escape it, unfortunately. Sooner than I knew it Axel pulled up to the gated community where my parents resided in. The security guard leered at Axel, but instantly apologized for the inconvenience when he saw me in the passenger seat of the car.

We drove past the various large mansions that littered the street until he pulled up to the gate to my parent's house. Axel parked the car outside and turned it off. I got out of the car, and Axel copied my motion. "Been awhile since you've last been here, huh?"

I nodded, looking toward the front of the house. I took my keys out, flipping for the one to unlock the front door. "You said Sora's here already, right?" I asked, turning the lock.

"He should be. I mean …last time I talked to him he was." Axel scratched his cheek, "Want me to call him?"

"No, it's fine." The lock on the front door clicked, and the door creaked open. Axel followed behind me, shutting the door as we both entered the main hallway. I walked into the living room, looking around.

"Roxas!" I turned around to see my little sister jumping off of the couch and nearly tackling me to the ground. "Roxas! Ohhhh! I'm so happy you're here!" She stepped back to look at me, "I was wondering if you were going to come!" Rikku changed her stance up, looking at Axel behind me, "And you brought Axel, I see." She wandered over to Axel, giving him the same treatment.

"Where's Sora?" I asked, eyebrows rising.

"Upstairs with dad." She released Axel from a death grip. "You should go up and see him, he's expecting you."

I turned to look at Axel just as he shrugged at me, "I'll keep the little misses entertained. Do what you have to do."

"Good luck with that." I went forward, approaching the stairs and began my ascent up to the second floor.

Rikku squeaked loudly, and giggled as she linked her arms around his. "You called me your _little _miss?"

"Now …I never said …" His voice faded into the background as I traveled down the hallway to my parent's bedroom.

I could hear voices coming from behind the door as I stood poised before it. I noticed my mother's laugh and Sora talking about something cheerfully. _…And then he said…_ I took a moment to gather my wits before I knocked on the door. The voices died down and Sora answered the door.

"Who is it?"

"Roxas." I replied.

"…Come in."

I opened the door to see my mother sitting down next to my father on their large bed, and Sora sitting in a chair pulled up to my father's side. My mother smiled at me as did Sora. My father however gazed at me with a vacant expression, as if trying to gauge me.

"Roxas, honey …" My mother got off the bed, walking over to me and enveloping me within a hug. She held me back at arms length, looking me up in down, "…You look great."

Sora was next to get up, "I thought that was you that opened the door. I see Axel gave you the message." He grinned, "I've got to talk to you later though. For now …" He looked over his shoulder and then back at me. "…Dad wants to talk to you."

I glanced at him, and he gave me the thumbs up sign. After some more small talk, my mother and Sora both left the room, leaving me alone with my father. My father glanced at me wearily. It was just him and I in the large master bedroom that he and my mother shared. He looked drawn and gaunt, showing that his stay at the hospital had very well gotten to him. I kept my ground, standing by the door.

"Come, Roxas." His voice was hoarse and light. I crossed the expanse of the bedroom, to the side of his bed. I sat down on the chair that had been pulled up to the side of the bed and stared intently at him. He cast his gaze upward, breathing in deeply.

"Roxas." He began again, "I have seen death. I have seen death and faced it. I have seen death and come back. I have seen the people that I love. The many people who have come and gone in the entirety of this thing we call life. I have …had much to think about."

I stared at him saying nothing.

"I thought about your mother, your sister and your brothers and most importantly, you. I have thought about this family as a whole, and what and how …I have acted as a husband and a father." He sighed, "The saying goes, 'you don't know what you have until it's gone' …I believe that to be true. I …" He looked at me, "There are many things I wish I could go back in time and rectify. I've realized that …I have been the source of much pain in this family. For you, for your sister, for your brothers and especially for your mother. My actions have driven a tremendous hole into the infrastructure of this family. But …Roxas, this conversation I am about to have with you is not about your mother, or your brothers and sister. It is strictly between you and I."

He took another deep breath, "…Since you were a young boy, I had always known that you were different. With the lot of you being born so close together, it was hard to balance the attention the four of you needed while growing up. As my first born, Cloud naturally obtained a lot of my attention, as did your brother Sora, who as loud and rambunctious as he was could never go ignored by anyone. You, however, you were a quiet child. You never asked for much and used to go on completely unnoticed by your mother and me. When Xemnas took a special liking to you more so than any of your siblings, I always thought that it was to fill the role that your mother and I never could."

He shook his head, "Yet I was mistaken. I never knew he would …" He paused, sighing heavily. "The things that he did to you as a child are unspeakable. Even though he's in jail, it still doesn't calm my mind to know that those things went on under my very own roof and I had turned a blind eye to it. …I acted out of rage all those years ago. I was angry at myself for everything that had happened …for letting that happen. To know that someone you trusted with your life could harm something …_someone _you gave life too …do you know what that feels like?" He looked to me, "…You can speak …I'm …not going to do …"

"…I can only imagine." I responded, my voice sounding like it was on air.

"I've heard reports that he isn't doing too well in jail. The inmates are giving him a _thorough _welcoming, befitting of him of course."

Hm. I turned my head slightly to the side and lowered my gaze, "Why did you testify?"

"…I had too." My father murmured, "It …I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I couldn't have risked not testifying. The media would have thought I, we, as a whole, were hiding something in which we most definitely aren't. Xemnas and I have kept out relationship as something that is strictly business related in this present day. With him in jail though, all his assets and business ventures have been placed in my name. That means property, money, stocks, investments; anything you can think of is now under the Ardenwell name. It's quite a lot to take in… but enough about him, back on track with you."

The sheets shifted above his frame, "Like I said, I reacted in a rage that I should not have had. You needed my support at the time and I failed to give it. I guess …everything just took its toll and instead of internalizing my thoughts and emotions to what was going on, I reverted to the stern and cold hearted man that you grew to know as you got older. The man that pushed you away in your cries for help. The man that wondered where he had gone wrong and why had it happened that way."

He gazed toward the ceiling, "Every time I heard about you being hospitalized or something just as negative being broadcasted in the media, I always blamed myself. And then …when it came to seeing you, I couldn't bring myself—for one reason or another—bring myself to tell you how I truly felt. It was always …I had to keep that stern façade up. To err is human, Roxas. I've come to realize that in these past few months. I knew about your last hospitalization in January, hell, I even called Sora up to see what had happened. …When he told me how you broke down …I think that was perhaps when I realized that it was time that I stopped progressing in the direction I was going. I decided that distance was probably the best way to do that. I got into arguments with your sister and your mother constantly as I tried to figure myself out… and then when this heart attack came around, my eyes fully opened to all the wrong I had done in the past." He regarded me, "…Roxas."

"Yes?" I looked up at him, fiddling with my hands in my lap.

"It would be too little to ask you for your complete and total forgiveness, so I am taking a different approach." He paused. "I want to place all that I am in your hands."

I stared at him blankly for a few moments. When what he said finally caught up to me, all I could say was, "_What_?" in disbelief.

He shook his head, "Roxas, I am an aging man. I do not know how much longer I have in this world. I am …not in exactly the best of health right now …and it is the most that I can do for you. The most I can do for failing you as a father. Perhaps this enlightenment has come too late. I often think that it has. My eyes were closed to so much around me, Roxas, and I allowed it to become that way. But now …now as I lay close to my death bed I want to try and see things differently." His steel grey eyes pierced me again, yet they held no contempt or malice. "I have always loved you. Though I may have never said it, or showed it or attempted to convey it in any way, I have always cared for you as my son. …I …my father …he ruled his family with a tight and iron fist. I thought by doing the same …I would be doing what was best for all of us. But I have become sorely mistaken and it has taken me nearly twenty three years to realize this."

"What about Sora? Cloud? …Rikku? Do they …?"

"I know it may be quite a bit to take in …with all that has occurred within these past months of your life, but I believe for it to be the best. I talked with Sora. He says you're doing better. Better than you've been since the passing of the young Hayner Mason. I however did not discuss my decision with him." My father surprised me by smiling. "It's good to hear. I guess …Ansem really has made a change for you, hasn't he?"

It's not just Ansem that's gotten me to where I am. I can tell you that right now.

He adjusted himself in bed. "…I want you to get better. I have never said it, but I want you to have a chance at a normal life. …I think it is time I start to heal this family. We have gone on too long with these problems going unrecognized. We all need guidance. …Roxas, you may not believe it but I think you're the most level headed person in this entire family. You see things for what they truly are while we remain blinded to the truth. Cloud sees things but chooses not to act on them. Sora is oblivious to things at times and Rikku is …well …young and she has yet to experience much of this world."

"Cloud acts on things, you just don't realize it. Sora's got a good heart despite being oblivious to mostly everything and you'd be surprised at what Rikku knows."

"I stand corrected then." His smile stayed the same, "Do you see what I mean?"

"…Yeah." I crossed my arms, reclining in the chair.

"Your mother knows." He began. "She …thinks it's a bit much to be putting on your shoulders, so I decided to come to a compromise with her. My team will still be running my businesses at full force …but you have the final say on every last aspect that goes on. How does that sound?"

"…Can you …" I started, "I didn't expect this at all today. Can I just get some time to think it over and give you my decision sometime later?"

"If that is what you wish." My father pressed his fingers together, "…I was hoping for a positive answer though. I can understand if you do not wish—"

"That's not what I mean." I shook my head, "I just …need to think about a few things. I've got a lot on my mind."

"Well, then. I'll respect your decision whatever it is." He was silent for a moment, "Roxas …I just …I want to repair our relationship. I don't want to go on like this for the remainder of your life or mine. I just want you to please consider what I have talked to you about."

"I will." I got to my feet, regarding him. He opened his arms to me as if an invitation to hug him. I stilled momentarily, but then advanced slowly to my father and leaned into his embrace.

"Stay well." He told me when I pulled away.

"You too." I walked over to the door, looking at him for a moment and then let myself out. As soon as the door closed, I felt myself slump against it. It was unreal that my father had transformed into the person I had just seen. In a daze, I walked away from the door and descended the stairs. I needed air and I needed to think. I let myself out of the house, ignoring the curious calls from Rikku and Axel who were sitting in the living room watching television.

I kicked open the gate to the backyard, and went over to sit on a chair by the pool. The sliding door to the backyard opened a few minutes later. I didn't turn around to acknowledge who it was, but I had a feeling it was Axel. My guess was confirmed when flaming red hair entered my line of vision and Axel sank down into a seat at my side.

"…You got a cigarette?" I asked him.

"I thought you said smoking was bad for your health?" He sounded surprised.

"Trust me; I've smoked things that are worse things than cigarettes." I replied.

He opened his pack of Marlboro's and handed me one. "Stressed?"

"You could say that." I accepted a lighter from him, and lit up.

"I figured as much." Axel sighed, reclining in the seat. "...Storming out of places without acknowledging people can mean one or two things with you. One, leave me the fuck alone, or more commonly, the second, I need someone to talk to so come and find me."

"I glad you spend so much time interpreting my mannerisms." I took a long drag on the cigarette and looked at it balanced between my index and middle fingers, "...I forgot how much cigarette's suck."

"They do." Axel agreed, nodding.

"Then why the hell are you still smoking them?"

"Stress reliever." He shrugged, "So ...what happened?"

"My father wants to make amends with me for being so ...shit faced in the past." I paused, "He also wants to put me in charge of his business empire." I turned to look over my shoulder at Axel, "...He wants to give me complete control and run it."

"No way."

"Yes." I took another drag.

"Well ...what do _you_ want to do?" Axel asked.

"I don't know." I shook my head, "Would it be bad to say that I don't care? I mean ...how do I know this is genuine? He may have been on his death bed like he said, but how do I know he won't revert back to his old ways should he get better?"

"You don't." Axel shook his head, "It's up to you to open yourself up to something like that. Are you willing to let him into your life even if your relationship with him has been less than spectacular in the past?"

"Seriously, do you have tea time with Ansem or something? You're sounding more like him as time goes on."

Axel didn't meet my eyes but looked up at the sky instead, "...No, but I know a few things from personal experience you can say. You can't control people. You can try and guide them and only hope that they'll follow you. But ultimately it's up to them whether they want to change or not. Sometimes for people to change they have to lose just about _everything _and then they wise up. I think that's what your father is experiencing right now. ...Hopefully it'll form into something that's worth your while."

"...I know that ..." I stabbed the cigarette at the side of the chair, flicking the lighter back open again. "And I understand that, but it's hard."

"I know it is ..." Axel looked at me, "As for the position that he wants you to take over ...just be honest with him. Tell him whatever is on your mind and go on from there."

"This is crazy." I mumbled, shaking my head. "Everything going on here is crazy. This is all insane."

"Life is crazy."

"You think I don't know that?"

"Don't worry."

"About what?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Everything." He smirked at me, "I'll be there to make sure you don't lose it again." He sat up, leaning over the side of the chair, "You gonna finish that?" I handed him the cigarette. He took a long drag and then stabbed it out on the ground. He picked the remnant up, and held it carefully between his fingers. "Come on, let's get back inside."


	21. Old Yellow Bricks

**21; old yellow bricks**

The rest of my Saturday was spent in the company of Axel, Sora and Rikku.

Rikku loved having us there, actually. She claimed that she had renounced her days of being a 'rabid fan girl' were far behind her. But the way she was tailing Axel the entire night said otherwise. When we finally did leave, Axel was the one that drove Sora and I back down to our apartment and then headed off back downtown to his own apartment.

I instantly retired to my room for the night, stripping down to the bare minimum and put some pajamas on. It had been a crazy day and I just wanted to get into my bed and fall asleep. Sora was sitting on the couch with Soro in his lap when I went to find him to tell him goodnight.

He looked up at me, blue eyes bright. "Going to sleep?" He asked, letting Soro hop out of his lap and run over in my direction.

I looked down at Soro who was nudging at my legs and looking up at me with wide eyes. I bent down to pick her up and scratched her behind the ears. "Yeah. It's been a long day." I sat down on the couch, letting her down. She didn't budge and stayed settled between the two of us.

"…You know …I really do think she likes you more than she does me. I never see her run for anyone else like she does for you." Sora smiled, "And you hardly give her the time of day."

Soro glanced at me curiously, cocking her head to the side. I paid her no attention.

Sora laughed, "I'm serious." He smiled, shaking his head. "Is there something you needed, though? I mean …you've been sitting here for awhile …"

I shook my head, "…Not particularly." I made my move to stand up, and looked down at Sora. "…On second thought …maybe."

"What's up?" Sora crossed his legs, peering up at me.

"I'll keep this short." I crossed my arms, "My conversation with our father today. It wasn't …anything condescending but perhaps on the side of a desperate plea. He's changed a lot, hasn't he?"

"I wanted you to see for yourself." Sora began, adjusting his weight. "…But, yeah, he has."

"Do you think that he'll stay this way?"

Sora sighed, "I think …I think it's genuine, Roxas. I mean, what else does he have to lose? He nearly lost his life a few months ago and he would have left behind a lot of unresolved problems with all of us. This is his chance to finally set us all back on track. I …I guess you can say I'm being wary also but …I think we have to give him a chance. It's going to be hard not to judge him but …"

"Sora." I started, as I sat back down on the couch. "He …asked me to take over. You know, the business?"

Sora looked at me, disbelief radiating in his eyes. "…_What_?"

"The entire thing." I said, "He wants **me **to take it over."

Sora shook his head, leaning forward. "What did you tell him?"

"I'd think about it." I mumbled. I looked up at Sora, "What do you think about it?"

"…Well …I think …he wants you to take over it because the two of you had the most tumultuous relationship with him out of Cloud, Rikku, you and I. Thinking about it now actually, I always thought you'd be the one that would take over the business if anything." He paused momentarily, then looked up at me and began gesturing around with his hands, "Rikku would never want to go near it, I have the Crimson Jazz and then …Cloud doesn't really seem like the business man type. Of course, there's always Yuna. She could take over things in an event that neither of us wanted to continue on heading the family business but …"

"She wouldn't do it either." I sighed, "I …don't know if I would be willing to. Maybe take over minimal control like he said I should do but even then …"

"Did he tell you that you had a time limit on which you had to decide?" Sora asked.

"No." I shook my head. "I have time."

"…Well …" Sora leaned forward, "Whatever you decide, I'm sure dad will respect it. Hopefully, that is. If he doesn't well …he'll just have to live with it, I guess."

"That's what I was thinking." I raised a hand to stifle a yawn. I sighed, looking back up at Sora who was scratching Soro behind the ears.

Sora interrupted the silence by turning toward me abruptly. "Oh! Before I forget, I've got something for you." Sora got off the couch, and Soro moved out of his lap and cuddled up against my leg. He left the living room and came back with a wrapped box in his hands. He handed it off to me and smiled, "Open it."

I looked at him, then down at the box and carefully tore it apart. I came face to face with the box of a Sidekick LX. I turned the box over to find a list of numbers sticking to the side. "…Sora …what?"

"…It's been awhile since you've last had one, I know…" He bounced back and forth on his heels, "Butttt …Ansem said if we were going to give you your keys back it would be smart to get you a phone. I started you off with a list of numbers that you might need in the future. So …there you go."

"Thanks, Sora …" I stood up beside him and tucked the box underneath my arm. "I'll get started on adding everything in tomorrow morning."

"You're going to bed then?" Sora asked.

"Yeah." I rubbed my eyes, stifling a yawn. "I'm getting tired and I think I should just …get some sleep now."

"Well then …night, Roxas." Sora smiled at me, "I'll be here if you need me."

I paused at the hallway to look over my shoulder at him. "Night." And then continued on my way to my room where I hoped to finally get a peaceful night's rest.

xXx

That wet dream from before?

It came back again and with a mother fucking vengeance _for the entire week. _I took so many cold showers every morning that I thought I was going to numb my skin at the rate I was going. It didn't help that every day of the week; Axel always greeted me in the best of moods, a stupid smile always on that stupid face of his.

He's _everywhere_.

Seriously, I spent all of Monday morning very well locked inside my closet drawing and writing in that journal thing of mine by flashlight while Axel sat outside the door on a chair trying to coax me out of hiding. Tuesday was spent playing the guitar for copious amounts of time in my room, and completely ignoring Axel whenever he came in contact with me. Wednesday, we went out to walk Soro in Central Park and I made sure to stay ten paces faster than Axel who was always trying to catch up to me. Thursday, I submerged myself in whatever book I could find in the study and kept well out of Axel's sight for a good portion of the day.

Friday, he managed to corner me and dragged me over to Barnes and Nobles because he had to pick up something for Zexion or Demyx. Once there, we both split up to browse in different sections of the store. I had been wandering around with absolutely no direction when I happened to land myself in the Gay and Lesbian section.

Shut up.

Being in the section was a bit reminiscent of the days I used to spend with Hayner, Pence and Olette in high school. After school we randomly wandered into Barnes and Noble from time to time, reading random excerpts out loud from and romance novels.

The gay section always had the most interesting stuff. The shelves were littered with various "best of gay erotica!" books, all of which I passed with little to no interest. Then there was the lesbian section of erotica books. I won't even start on that. The rest of the aisle was littered with various topics from woman studies. I backtracked through the aisle to the gay and lesbian section and nonchalantly picked up a random erotica book to sift through. _The Mammoth Book of New Gay Erotica. _Joy. I flipped the book open to a random page and started to read.

…_Snuggled beneath the down comforter, Jon felt Leo's arms wrap around him. He moved closer to Leo only to feel Leo's fat cock searching for John's fuckhole, an orifice nearly forgotten for a year or more. Leo moved closer, the slick head finding and poking the hole, softly piercing the hairy maw. Jon cried out in pain but didn't resist. He let Leo take the lead, let him find the secret deep place deep inside him, the hard knot that would make him cry out in pleasure. It hurt. Jon bit the pillow, submitted to Leo's assault, silently begged for more because the brilliant fire now searing through him touched his heart, burning away that final residue (like the membrane of egg beneath its shell) and sent John into the sweet oblivion of pleasure and pain …_

Blegh.

I set the book back down into the spot I had gotten it from and browsed the shelves again for something of interest. _The Gay Man's Kama Sutra_. Now _that _had to be entertaining. I leaned down to pick it off of the shelf and started to browse through the book. The entire thing was in color with explicit pictures of males in compromising positions. I don't know how long I had been looking through it but the next thing I knew, a shock of red head had appeared from behind the book case accompanied by a rather loud, "Roxas! Roxxxyyy! Where areeee you?"

I instantly snapped the book shut on something about daisy waves and spread eagles or something as equally random and tucked it underneath my shirt as I heard Axel coming up behind me. I didn't turn around to face him, but took off down the aisle as I looked for some place to put the book down. He …_trailed _me around the entire aisle, calling to me until I was able to throw him off for two seconds and headed into the Cooking section where I stuffed the book between _Enlitened Kosher Cooking _and _Lidia's Italian-American Kitchen_.

Axel immediately followed me down the aisle, just as I turned around to cover the book from his view. He looked at my oddly, an eyebrow raised as I gave him a shifty glance, looked at the floor and then turned my attention back toward him and glared at him. "What the hell are you trailing me for?"

"Um …" He scratched his head, "Didn't you hear me calling you? I was literally right behind you." Axel waved the book he was holding in his hand, "Anyway. I found what I was looking for so we can go."

I couldn't keep the glare anymore and shook my head, pressing my forehead into the base of my hand. "Right …"

"You okay?" Axel asked, moving a bit to my left.

I straightened up as so to hide the book from his view. "I'm _fine_."

"You sure?" Axel asked again, crossing his arms.

"Yes, dammit." I crossed my arms, "If you got your book, go and pay. I'll be at the front in a few."

Axel looked at me momentarily before walking away and heading for the cash register on the lower floor. I sighed, pushing my shades onto my eyes and groaning loudly. I'm not going to say I'm in denial about anything, because I'm not. If I liked Axel, I would most likely acknowledge the feeling and just let it ride out into whatever may come.

It was just …it's just _awkward _when you see someone on a day to day basis and you have these sorts of …**dreams** about them. Dreams that you shouldn't be having because they put your relationship on an awkward pedestal and completely ruin whatever it is that you two had before.

I won't lie. I was taking my frustrations out on him and Axel had no idea what was going on. He probably thought I was just reverting to my normal asshole exterior and that was seriously not the case.

For Christ sakes, he was the source of my perpetual hard-on every morning. I'm not going to acknowledge the fact that I'm attracted toward him in any way because it's just a dream, and dreams can be flukes. Screw what Ansem said about inner wants and passions. My inner want is to go back to what we had before I reverted back to a pre-pubescent teenage boy. After he had wrapped up his business at Barnes and Noble, Axel took me back home where I went off to my room as usual to do whatever—something that didn't involve socializing with Axel.

He appeared in my room a few minutes later looking a little perturbed, but overall curious. "Rox, can we talk?" Axel asked as he closed the door behind him.

I looked over my book at him, "What?"

Axel sighed, running a hand through his hair. He turned to me, crossing his arms. "This isn't meant to be anything intrusive; it's just …pure curiosity." He sighed, casting hazy green eyes on me, "I've noticed you've been …acting like you're trying to avoid me this entire week. From the closet protest to Central Park and now …today at Barnes and Noble, what gives Roxas?"

I stared at him for a good hard second. How the hell was I supposed to dodge this one? I couldn't come right out and say, 'Why, hello Axel. I'm sorry I've been such a dick to you lately but it it's just that …I have these dreams about you and your dick. Yeah, and in these dreams you're completely naked and doing unspeakable things to me with your tongue. And it's not like I'm complaining because you're good at what you're doing in the dream, but I wish they'd stopped and it was someone else doing what you were doing to me in the dream. And you know why? Because I can't even look you in the face for two minutes without going into a panic induced spaz attack.'

Oh, if only he could hear my thoughts.

I shook my head, "It's nothing."

Axel groaned, "How did I know you would say that …" He closed his eyes, stretching the length of his back and then opened his eyes to look at me again, "Can you …just tell me. I didn't do anything did I?"

I went back to look at my book. "No."

He let out a sigh, "Good." Axel turned to look back up at me, a smile on his face. "We can leave it at that. As long as you're not mad at me, that's good then."

That is _hardly _the case. I slouched down onto my bed, suddenly finding the book that I was reading absolutely _fascinating_. Mmm, yeah. When he didn't leave, I tensed up. "Is there anything else you needed?"

"Nope." Axel shook his head, "I'll leave you alone to do whatever it was you were doing."

I looked up at him and he grinned at me again before closing the door to my room. I threw the book at the wall as soon as I heard him walk away and groaned as I pulled my pillow over my face and resisted the urge to scream.

Curse my frigid libido.

xXx

"_Five _times this week?" Ansem asked, his eyebrows rising slightly. "That's got to be quite some dream, Roxas."

Oh, what _he _didn't know. "It's been …interesting." Interesting didn't even begin to describe it.

"Well then if you feel comfortable enough, please relay the details of this dream to me."

I instantly froze, and felt my cheeks heat up. I lowered my face, looking to the window at my side. "It was …" I swallowed past the lump forming in my throat, "It's …kind of personal …"

Ansem looked at me curiously, and then as if catching on to my hint, nodded his head in understanding. "I see. Well then …let's try a different approach that might be less intrusive. What were your feelings like during the dream?"

_That _was even worse. I shook my head again, feeling my anxiety building. "Let's get off the topic of this dream. It's not important." I glanced at him and then back out the window. "Let's talk about my father."

"Alright, if that is what you wish." Ansem scribbled something down on his pad. "You went to visit him after our last visit. What was that like?"

"He's changed, Ansem." I looked to the ceiling, "He's …trying to make amends with all of us for the wrongs he has committed. He actually admitted to me where he could have been a better father and how he wished he had done things differently."

"How do you feel about all of this?"

"I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to forgive him but then you have that other part that wants absolutely nothing to do with him. I'm wary about believing anything he says, but I think that perhaps …he might be genuine with what his feelings are. …He …he wants me to take over the family business."

"Twenty years old and CEO of a company …" Ansem mused to himself, "How does that sound to you?"

"Scary." I shook my head, "Ansem, how would I be able to take care of a company when I'm just learning how to take care of myself again?"

"Do you think your brothers or sister would help in any way?"

"Sora probably would. Cloud might …and Rikku definitely wouldn't." I sighed, "The thing of it is, everything major would fall on me and …I don't want to crack underneath the stress of it all."

"Did he give you a time limit under which you have to decide?"

"As long as it takes for me to come to a conclusion I suppose. Though I know he wants me to hurry up and give him my answer."

"Well …" Ansem reclined in his seat, "I ...would think this type of thing through long and hard. It's a major decision, Roxas, one that will indefinitely have an impact on your life as a whole."

"I know." I mumbled. "I …guess I'll just have to think this through."

Ansem nodded, "Do not rush it."

"…I won't."

xXx

Sora had let me go off to Ansem's alone that morning, so I was free to come home at my leisure. I took to wandering across 72nd street with no real aim or direction. Somehow I managed the land myself over on 5th Ave where I began walking the length of Central Park. People and buses passed me on either side, where someone would occasionally cast a second glance my way.

It had been a long time since I had gone somewhere on my own. I had forgotten how peaceful it could be. I wandered throughout the park with no aim, just the sounds of the city as my only companion. Sora would most likely call me to find out where I was in a few if I didn't head back home soon, but I didn't really care. I spent a little more time in the park just walking around until I decided that I wanted to go home.

When I came home, Sora was out. I instantly went to my room and fell asleep. There were no dreams of Axel or anything else. I had no dreams at all, and for once had a restful sleep which had eluded me for some time now. The phone rang a couple of times while I was asleep, but I ignored it. The one thing that did wake me up was when Sora came to wake me up a little after eight o'clock.

"Roxas?" Sora knocked on the door to my room, and I opened my eyes to look at him. "Roxas, are you up?"

I rolled over on my stomach, and pushed myself up onto my elbows to look up at him, "What?"

"Selphie called." He smiled, "She and Olette are having a little get together for their birthday. It starts tomorrow night at seven, she invited both of us to come along." He walked over to the chair by my bed and sat down, "What do you say? You haven't seen Olette and Pence in forever, right? It might be nice to go and see them."

I looked up at him, "Did she say who else would be there?"

"I guess everyone from school …you, me, Wakka, Tidus, Pence, and Riku to name a few. Namine's out of town so she can't make it…" He lowered his voice, "…Kairi."

"It's been what? Nearly five months, Sora?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "…Have you talked to her since then?"

Sora shook his head. "I've seen her around here and there, and we've been civil to each other …but that's about it. She's supposedly dating someone new now anyway. It doesn't matter though; I'll just avoid her for the night or whatever." He sighed, "Anyway, do you want to go? I won't force you if you don't."

I shrugged, "Sure."

Now that I had found closure with Hayner, it was about time I set things straight with Pence and Olette. Somewhere deep inside of me wanted to strike up a relationship with them again. We were inseparable back in high school and I kind of wanted to get that back again.

xXx

On Sunday, Sora and I caught a cab down to SoHo and arrived at Pence and Olette's loft where the party was being held. The noise coming from their loft was radiating throughout the entire hallway outside their door and I was wondered if they could even hear the sound of the doorbell over all the sound.

The door opened two seconds later and Pence was standing at the door at the door, a grin on his face. "Sora! Roxas! Glad you two could make it." He stood aside to let Sora and I in, and closed the door behind the both of us. "Everyone's in the living room. Here, let me get your coats."

I shrugged my hoodie off, and handed it off to Pence. I left Sora behind as he talked to Pence for a little while and went off to the living room. True to his word, Sora was right about who would be there.

Olette was talking to Selphie about something over by the television, Wakka and Tidus were on the couch turned to each other and doing something. I stepped down into the little enclave of the living room. Heads instantly turned to look at me.

Olette was the first to speak, "Roxas! You came!" She stepped away from Selphie who sighed, and walked over to Tidus and Wakka and sat down in-between the two of them. She grabbed my hands, and pulled me out into the living room and grinned, "Guys, Roxas is here!"

Tidus and Wakka instantly looked my way. Wakka was the first to stand and greet me, "Roxas, long time no see, ya?" He winked at me, "How've you been. Been hearing a lot about you in the news, lately."

I opened my mouth to start speaking, "Fi—"

"Roxas!" Tidus cut me off before I could finish a sentence, "Heard you met my cousin Demyx, hope he didn't put you off too much."

"No, I—" I tried again.

"Jesus! Can you guys give him some room to breathe!" Olette wrapped an arm around my own and dragged me off to sit down next to her. "Sorry about that, they're just excited to see you. It's been so long …" The doorbell rang and she sighed, "Excuse me, won't you?"

…Sure.

Selphie had left the room with Olette and Tidus and Wakka took that as their cue to come and sit where I was. Wakka grinned, leaning forward. "So …it's been a long time, eh?" He took a sip of whatever it was he was drinking.

"Yeah." I looked around, not meeting his gaze.

"Did Sora come with you?" Tidus asked, looking excited.

As if on cue, Sora came into the living room looking like he was ready to join the party at any moment like he always did. Riku, who I assumed had been the person at the door, was two steps behind him. "Hey guys! Sorry about the delay, I was just talking to Pence and then Riku walked in …" Sora grinned as he approached us.

Riku nodded off toward Wakka and Tidus, and then myself. Seeing as the four of them could converse about whatever, I saw this as my chance to get out of the hot seat. "Excuse me." Tidus and Wakka cast curious glances at Sora who shrugged and sat down beside them. I acknowledged Riku shortly and headed off to go find Olette. Olette, Selphie and Pence were all in the kitchen talking. I knocked on the wall, and all three of them turned to look at me. "Um …where's the bathroom?"

"Down the hall and it's the first door on the left." Olette said.

"Thanks …" I backtracked through the living room where Wakka, Sora and Tidus were running their mouths at a mile a minute. I was about to enter the bathroom to get some time away from everyone when I saw two glass doors leading out to a balcony. I glanced over my shoulder, before heading out of the doors.

The view was extraordinary.

The sky was just beginning to grow dark and it was a bit chilly outside, but that didn't stop me from staying outside. I sighed as I rested my chin against the railing, and kicked my feet against the ground. Even if it was just as noisy out here with all the traffic and whatnot, it was peaceful. No questions, no being sucked into endless conversations, just …peace. …Well …almost peaceful. The door clicked behind me, and I turned around to see who had come out on the balcony. My eyes instantly widened when I saw who it was.

"Well, well, well, Blondie's little doll makes a guest appearance after being MIA for nearly three years." It was Seifer Almasy. He closed the distance between us, hands on his hips. He looked me up and down, and then crossed his arms. "Can't decide if the years have been good to you or not."

"Seifer …? What are you doing here?"

"Olette invited me, duh." He rolled his eyes, "Can you believe it? There's a whole big lovey dovey warm reunion going on. Fuu and Rai are here also."

I looked down at the ground, and then turned away from him. "Why are you out here?"

"Came to find you. Olette seems to think you need a guard dog or something." Seifer walked up beside me, and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket. He turned to look at me, "Want one?"

"No thanks." I turned to look at him.

He smirked, "Seems unlike you to refuse one."

I turned to glare at him, "Look, if you came out here to act like a complete dick shit to me after all this time, I can do without it."

"Chill, I was just playing with you." He rolled his eyes, "At any rate, you might want to head back in. The _romantic _cuisine of the evening is about to be served."

"Not hungry."

"Then why the hell did you come?" Seifer asked, casting a glance at me. "And don't tell me it was to _reconnect with your best friends_!"

I sighed, "Is there some reason …out of all these people in here you had to come and bother me?"

"Because you're the most interesting." Seifer laughed.

You must know something about Seifer.

I don't exactly appreciate being around him to tell you the truth. He used to be Hayner's best friend back in middle school before I entered the picture and ever since then, he's been something of an overall ass to me in particular. After Hayner died however, he started to become somewhat civil towards me but the asshole part of his personality still remained. I never cared for him though. Olette and Pence got along with him though, I kept my distance.

I think you can see why.

"Been hearing a lot of stuff about you in the tabloids recently, Mr. Ardenwell." Seifer exhaled the smoke from his cigarette. "See you've found yourself a new friend to cozy on up to."

Of course someone would find _some way _to bring up Axel. "What about him?"

"Well …are the rumors true?" Seifer asked, gesturing with his cigarette clad hand. "_Are _you seeing him? I wouldn't doubt if you were."

I glared over my shoulder at Seifer. "You know …I'm getting tired of you." Pushing away from the banister, I straightened up and brushed past him.

"But I haven't heard your romantic dream, yet, Roxas …"

I let the door shut behind me and walked down the hallway. Everyone was gathered in the living room eating. Wakka, Tidus and Selphie sat on one couch cramped together. Sora, Riku, Rai and Fuu were on another and then …Olette and Pence sat together.

A few heads turned my way, and Olette got off the couch to come to my side. She smiled at me, "I knew you were out on the balcony. It's quite the view, isn't it?" She shook her head, "Seems like Seifer kept you out there a bit too long though …are you hungry?"

I shook my head, gritting my teeth, "No."

"Thirsty?" She offered. "We have water, soda …juice …"

"I'll take water."

I followed her into the kitchen where she began pouring me a glass of water. She walked over to me, the glass of water in her hand. I accepted it from her and she smiled softly, "So, are you enjoying yourself?"

"I guess."

Her smile faltered slightly, "…What's wrong?" She lowered her voice, "Did Seifer say something to you?"

I sighed and shook my head, "It's nothing, Olette. Don't worry." I looked past her at the clock and pointed toward it, "Happy Birthday."

She looked over her shoulder. "…Oh my god, I didn't even realize that it was half past eight. I can't believe you still remember the time I was born …you always were a good one with birthdays." Her smiled returned, and her eyes lit up. "I guess I should go tell Selphie then. …We should cut the cake." I gestured out of the door and she walked past me. She paused, then turned to look at me, "Roxas …even if you haven't talked much to anyone this entire night, I'm glad you're here. It's …nice being together …you know, like old times."

Like old times.

Like old times when Hayner, Pence, Olette and I would do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. When there were no boundaries between us. I missed those times. But I think somewhere during the night, after Olette and Selphie had blown out the candles on their cakes, I think that perhaps I was starting to remember what those old times felt like. What they were _supposed _to feel like.

Never matter the fact that Seifer was there, or that Wakka and Tidus bombarded me with an endless assault of questions, or anything else. I think …perhaps, just being in that type of environment again was enough for me. So what if I didn't talk, I think …just being there was enough for Olette. Seeing her and Pence and just us being together again, even if Hayner wasn't there …I think … I think it was still possible for us to go on.

Towards the end of the night I ended up on the balcony with Pence and Olette, the three of us just talking like we had when we were younger.

"…So, Roxas." Pence began, scratching his head timidly.

I looked at him, "Hm?"

"Uh …" Pence tried again.

"What, Pence?" I asked, leaning up in my chair to look at him.

"Since Pence likes to beat around the bush so much, I'll just come right out and say it." Olette interrupted him, "Roxas, it's been three …or so years, hasn't it? Since we all were last together like this."

"It's been awhile." I said, shrugging.

"How'd you feel being with everyone tonight?"

"Apart from Seifer, it …was nice." I said, turning to look at Olette. "Reminds me of old times."

We were all quiet for sometime before Pence interrupted the silence. "…You ever think about him?" Pence asked, looking up toward the sky.

"I went to visit his grave last week." I said.

Pence shot up, "Whoa, seriously? I haven't been up there since the funeral."

"It was nice." I murmured. "You should go up there and visit someday."

"Maybe we can all plan a trip together and go." Olette suggested. "I want to visit him."

"Maybe." I echoed.

There was silence again.

"You've changed, Roxas." Pence commented, gesturing with his hands. "I don't mean it in a bad way either."

"You wouldn't be the first to tell me."

"It's nice to see you doing better." Olette said. "Completely different from what I've read about in the tabloids."

"Which are?" I asked.

"Well ...you hang out around Axel a lot now, don't you?" Olette asked, looking a little unnerved. "…They keep coming up with all these ridiculous stories about you two being a couple. I mean, it's known worldwide that Axel's …not exactly straight … and they keep bringing up the fact that you've been super tight lipped on your romantic relationships with people …the speculations have just been growing. Then they're all these ridiculous headlines of you heading to mental wards and doing drugs again. It's crazy, Roxas. I swear they can't get enough of you."

"I really haven't been keeping up." I shrugged nonchalantly. "Maybe I'll have to pick one up for the hell of it and read it."

"Don't bother; they're a waste of time anyway." Pence sighed. "As long as you know what's true, that's all that matters."

"Guess you're right." I sighed.

"We should hang out more, Roxas." Olette said, smiling. "We miss you."

I fiddled with my fingers. "I know." I looked up at them, "You got a pen and paper somewhere?"

Pence got out of his seat, "I'll be right back." He left the balcony and came back a few minutes with a white pad and a black pen, and handed them off to me.

I took them from him and clicked the pen out and scribbled my cell phone number hastily onto the piece of paper and handed it off to Olette, "Your sister should have my house number …but that's my cell."

"Alright then …" Olette folded the paper up and slipped it into her pocket.

The door to the balcony opened up and Sora poked his head out. "Roxas? Are you ready to leave? Riku's going to give us a ride back uptown."

I looked at the two, "Guess that's my cue, then."

I got up and Olette and Pence followed my notion. Olette leaned in to hug me and Pence stood at her side and nodded to me. She smiled, "You're going to keep your promise, right?"

Pence grinned, "Keep at it, Roxas. We'll see you later."

I lingered briefly, looking at the both of them before following Sora out into the hallway and toward the front door again. Tidus, Wakka and Selphie were still sitting in the living room, but Seifer and his crew had left.

I waved to the three of them as Sora called out that we were leaving. Riku was already standing by the front door twirling his car keys and waiting for the two of us. Selphie let us out after we said our final goodbyes of the night and the three of us headed for the elevator.

"That was nice …" Sora murmured as the elevator descended to the bottom floor, "Wasn't it?"

I turned to look at Sora and nodded, "Yeah …it was."

I meant it this time.


	22. 24 Hours

**22; 24 Hours**

Roxas, you are an _idiot._

A complete and total idiot.

The first stage of love is _attraction_. Attraction, Roxas! Mother fucking attraction! Hold up and pause right there. Everything is being put on the back burner as of now. So Ansem _was _right about this whole inner wants and passion thing. I just …I'm fucking love handicapped, aren't I?

I took the sweaty palms, the heart palpitations and the topsy turvy stomach as a means of, "Shit, I don't want to be around you right now because I keep having these less than spectacular dreams about you and I in certain compromising situations." But no, upon further introspection I've realized …I am attracted to the idiot. That skinny ass, flame haired, malachite eyed, pierced, tattooed, loud and obnoxious idiot.

Fuck.

You know, when I get really agitated …or stressed, or …when I'm angry, I curse like no one's business. The shits and fucks just fly out of my mouth as if they were my first language. It was probably because I just had to have my customary dream about him the previous night. I'm not going to even get into it …but …I'll say this. I didn't even _know _that was physically possible with the human body.

Axel went on being his normal …Axel self. I swear, I was going crazy. Was he _always _this nice to me? Or maybe …maybe he knew I was just losing it and he was trying to get me back on the right track. But it wasn't _losing _it like going absolutely mental again. This was a _different _losing. This was a "Hey, Axel …I think I might like you and it sort of scares me," type of losing my mind.

Of fuck it all to fucking hell, again and again and again.

Maybe if I just …you know, don't acknowledge these feelings to any degree they'll just go away. But something tells me that wouldn't work at all. I'd still keep having these dreams, I'd still keep avoiding Axel and I'd continue walking circles around him for the ages.

What a predicament I was in.

…Fuck.

xXx

"Roxy!"

I nearly choked on the cup of coffee I was drinking; sputtering as the liquid nearly went down the wrong hole. I turned to look at Axel over my shoulder. He was positively radiant as always, a smile on his face and his eyes turning into I'm-happy-so-let's-harass-Roxas-slits. I reached for a napkin to wipe the coffee off the sides of my cheeks then turned around completely to look at Axel.

"Shit …" He rubbed his cheek, "Did I surprise you?"

"You think?" I asked, walking over to the garbage to throw out the tissue.

"Sorry!" He merely grinned at me again, and laughed. "I thought you heard me coming in."

I sighed, sitting down at the table and shook my head at him. "Obviously not." I looked up at him, "What'd you want?"

Axel looked at me briefly, and grinned. "Well …"

I looked up at him as I began to sip my coffee again, "Yes?"

"There's a party this Saturday." His grin widened, "And I need myself a date."

I promptly spit my coffee out all over again, and coughed. Axel was laughing his stupid head off behind me as I reached for another napkin to wipe the coffee away with. I glared at him, and began to scrunch up my nose. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"No, not intentionally." He wiped underneath his left eye. "We're having a party and I'm inviting you! There'll be cake and ice cream, pin the tail on the donkey and clowns making balloon animals." When he saw the incredulous look I was giving him, he laughed and shook his head, "No, actually it's a release party for the album I was telling you about."

"And you need me to come, because?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I told you! I need a date." He grinned at me again. I returned his grin with a glare of my own and went back to drinking what was left of my coffee.

"Sheesh, alright …I get it. You're not in the joking mood today." He sat down at the table, tapping his cheek thoughtfully with his index finger, "What's bugging ya, Roxy?"

I pulled the cups to my lips again, avoiding his gaze. "Nothing. I'm perfectly fine. You're just an idiot."

"…Right." He reclined backwards and sighed. "You know …you're bad at hiding things."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Am not."

"Am too." I frowned instantly realizing my mistake. Shit.

"Too." He pointed a finger at me just before I could get the word out and grinned, "Gotcha."

"Shut it." I mumbled again, pressing my mouth against the ceramic mug. I had finished the coffee a while ago, but I wanted to pretend like there was still something in it to delay me conversing with Axel.

"At any rate, I'll stop bothering you about whatever it is. You can choose to tell me or not. I won't bother you anymore …or at least I'll try not to." He smirked, "But …will you come to the release party? Granted, I always have Dem to keep me occupied at these sorts of things. But, having you there might be more interesting. Dem's …spastic …ness can only do but so much for me in one night." He lowered his gaze, and then looked up at me with pleading eyes, "Say yes Roxas? Please? I promise I won't annoy you too much during the night. I could use your sarcastic commentary and …and Roxas-ness."

I stared at him for a long time before I sighed and shook my head, "…Fine."

xXx

"How has your week been?"

"Mellow." Was the first word that came to mind. "Really mellow and weird."

"How so?" Ansem asked.

"Well …" I looked to the ceiling. "I'm thinking that I might be attracted to someone. You know …romantically or whatever."

"This is good, you are forming attachments." Ansem nodded his head, "Continue though, I am most intrigued."

"Well …" I sighed, "I feel like an idiot most of the time when I'm around them. It feels like I can't compose myself. I've got the classic fast heart beat, sweaty palms, butterflies in my stomach and the inability to breath correctly whenever their near complex and I convinced myself for a little while that it was nothing really but …now …I'm really not so sure."

"It sounds to me like it might be a romantic attraction." Ansem commented, mirth in his voice, "I am ...somewhat well versed in what your generation does when they want to become entangled romantically with someone. There is usually a game of …run and catch. One flirts carelessly with the other, and rather …waits for the other to reciprocate the feelings. Sometimes one does not take this road and goes into a mode of denial where they seek to try to understand their feelings, all the while denying that they feel any sort of affection or attachment to the opposite person. However, everyone is different and how they approach their situation is completely up to them."

I closed my eyes briefly, "And just how do you think I should approach the situation?"

"Well …" He started, "I am hardly one to give out romantic advice, for we all must solve our problems and situations that arise in our lives on our own terms but ...I can offer something of what I know."

"Which is?"

"This basics." Ansem nodded, "Does this person like you in any way, what type of relationship do the two of you currently have? Furthermore, you must think about how you will be able to impact them. What your relationship would be like further down the line? Will you be able to commit? Where will each of you fit in the other's life? Normal sorts of things …"

"For one …our relationship isn't what I would call spectacular but it probably falls under the category of 'good friends' or whatever you want to call it. I'd say …we're a tad bit dysfunctional, but only because I'm difficult …but it has gotten better. Um …I don't know how it would impact …hi—" I turned to look at Ansem to see if he had caught my slip, but he was busy writing. I coughed to clear my throat, "Um …_them…_" I closed my eyes tightly, cursing under my breath.

"…With …your status, the two of you will be in the public eye quite a bit. Would they be ready for that?"

"Yeah." I thought for a moment. "I believe that …maybe I would. Our relationship wouldn't be received easily, I'll give you that. It would be difficult though …at least I think so."

"How hard would you be willing to work out the difficulties?"

I threw my arms up over my face and groaned loudly, "I don't know, Ansem. I haven't really thought about it to that extent yet. I've just recently acknowledged that I might actually feel something for this person, you know?"

"Well then, perhaps you will think upon working on furthering this relationship and will relay to me some of the progress you have made next time we meet?" He prodded, "Does that sounds reasonable to you?"

I shrugged, "Sure." A short silence hung in the air between us. I stared at the ceiling tracing nonsensical shapes in it with my eyes. Ansem was writing something down and then turned to look at me. "I've thought about what my father asked me."

"Really?" Ansem asked, "And …what have you concluded thus far?"

"I'm on the fence." I replied, "Part of me wants to take over for him and then there's the part of me that doesn't. He told me it's not like I'd be taking over the entire thing. Supposedly, a lot of the final decisions would fall on my shoulders. The work load would probably increase with time, or when I'm ready to undertake all of it. I was thinking that maybe I could give it a try …"

"To feel it out?" Ansem asked.

"Something like that." I shrugged. "If I don't like it, then it's not like he can force me to stay. Even though technically I'd be obligated to do it because it's the 'family business'."

"But just because it is your family's business does not mean you should have to give away plans or aspirations that you might have for yourself to go and take it over." Ansem said, shaking his head. "Roxas, have you ever thought of what you might do in the future?"

"Well …" I thought, "…Not really."

"When you were younger you mentioned once that you wanted to be an author." Ansem said, "Do you still think you'd like to pursue that career path?"

I shrugged, "I haven't written much in these past years."

"Have you ever thought about taking it back up?"

"Not …really." I shrugged. "I mostly read a lot though. I mean in these past years, before I came to you that is, I was really stagnant in life. I never really spent my time doing anything. But now …I guess I'm just trying to find my place in life. ...I haven't thought about these things in awhile." I tapped my foot against the floor, "I mean …I've thought about heading back to college to take some classes …"

"This was supposed to be your sophomore year was it not?"

"Yeah …" I shrugged, "I only really went to get my father off my back anyway."

"What would you think about majoring in should you go back?"

"I don't really know. I was undeclared to begin with." I shrugged, "Probably English if anything. I know it would change though."

Ansem nodded, writing something down on his pad. "Well, our time is up. Roxas, before you go, might I suggest something to you?"

I looked over at my shoulder at him, "Yes?"

He stood up and walked over to me. "When you have free time, perhaps …it might help to clear your mind if you compiled a list of all that you …like about this particular person. Just to help you sort out your ideas or certain things that might be bothering you."

I lowered my gaze briefly, and then turned to look up at him, "I'll try it, Ansem."

xXx

Before I had to leave the house for Axel's release party, I made a list of what I liked and didn't like about Axel in my journal. You know …just to sort through thoughts and whatnot and take what Ansem said into consideration. They are labeled as such, "Things that I find tolerable about Axel" and "Things I wish I could punch Axel in the face for".

We'll start with the tolerable things about Axel. Otherwise known as "What I like about Axel" but will refuse to write because I am difficult and it sounds gay and stupid, and I am neither. Axel has a nice smile. He can be grinning, laughing or just smiling in general and he'll always look …nice. I mean, his canine's are a bit like fangs …sort of reminiscent of a cat or a vampire but they fit him I guess.

I also like Axel's eyes, they're really weird but …I've never seen anyone with eyes like him. I'm sure they're really nice to look at in the night time or some shit. His voice. I think …out of all of everything else, I like Axel's voice above all. It's distinct and it's …kind of …I will say this once and never say this again—its kind of hot—when he gets angry. …Especially when he yells. Makes me wonder what he sounds like when he's …

I'm not going to go there, no, I won't.

For random and other extraneous things …I guess that I like that he's pretty good with a guitar, damn well great nearly and I rather like his tattoos. He's got a bit of an ass despite being damn well near emaciated. Must be those Hispanic genes. And …_yes_ I've looked at his ass …only once or twice, though. Okay …now I'm lying, it was more than once or twice. Try about four or five times daily. It was curiosity, okay? Besides …who says I can't look?

As for his personality …well …it _is _overbearing. But it's not that bad type though. It's sort of a …welcoming overbearing. Something that kind of says, "Hey, I'm here for you and you only, so don't worry about what other people are saying, only we matter." And he's protective of me. It's subtle, but I've definitely caught up on it. …It's nice I guess …you know? Having someone who's like your guardian figure or something …

Now for stuff that I _don't _like about Axel. First off, I think the most obvious would probably be his tongue ring. I'm _sorry_. Out of every piercing on his body, I've grown to detest the tongue ring the most. It works for some people, but for me it's a huge turn off. He's a bit cocky at times. I guess I've learned to accept it with time but …it can be annoying at times. Annoying to the point where I want to punch him in the face. …I think we've gotten past that stage though. …Also, he could stand to gain a few more pounds. You know, just so he looks a bit healthier and more filled out in clothes or whatever.

If I sat down and really thought about it, there's not much there's not much I don't like about Axel.

I …guess that's a good thing.

xXx

There was no dress code. Actually no, let me correct myself. There was a, 'dress sexy, Roxy' code, as per courtesy of Axel. When I asked him what _he _was wearing, he shrugged and told me, 'the usual' whatever that _meant_. I settled on a pair of slate colored fitted jeans, a grey short sleeved shirt and fitted a sleeveless sage colored track jacket over it. I threw on some white vans and called it a day. Just as I was about to check to make sure I had the essentials for going out, my phone went off.

I nearly broke my neck leaping over my bed to answer it, "Huuh-FUCKING SHIT, _OW_." My head ended up colliding with my headboard, and I dropped my phone to the floor in the process. Double shit. I picked it up to make sure nothing was broken and then held the phone to my ear, "Hello?"

"Rox, what the hell are you doing?"

I sat on the edge of my bed, rubbing at the sore spot on my head. "Winning a gold medal for diving, what the _hell _do you **think **I'm doing?" I asked, groaning loudly.

"Should I answer that question?" He asked, mirthfully.

"…If you're about to say when I think you're going to say, you can go fall off a cliff and die." I seethed.

"Such hate, Roxy." Axel laughed, "I was really starting to miss it."

I rolled my eyes at him, "Look, are you here or what?"

"We will be in about two minutes, so head down. See ya in a few, Roxas."

"Yeah yeah."

I ended the call and pushed my phone into my back pants pocket. After I turned the light switch off on the wall, I closed the door to my room behind me and paused briefly in the hallway outside my room. Sora's laughter flooded in from the kitchen, and I could hear Riku murmuring something to him.

"…Sora, it's not that …funny …seriously."

"Yes it is!" Sora laughed out, grasping the corner of the counter, and shaking his head. "Riku, the people you work with are hysterical!"

Riku merely smiled and shook his head. "…It's the models …"

I advanced forward down the hallway as I was wiping a smudge off my sunglasses. I knocked against the wall to the kitchen and Riku and Sora both turned around at the same time. I put the glasses on, and took my keys out, spinning them back and forth on my right index finger. "I'm out."

"Axel's here already?" Sora looked at the time, "Wow …"

"Where are you going?" Riku asked.

"The release party of Axel's band's new CD." Sora walked over to me, as I headed to go unlock the door. "You've got everything right? And he's bringing you back home when everything is over?"

"Yes, yes and again yes." I got the door unlocked, then turned to look at Sora, "I'll …"

Sora waved his hand, "Just …text me or something if you're not coming home tonight and you know …you're going somewhere with Axel or something." Sora grinned, "Have fun and don't party too hard."

"Right." I grabbed hold of the doors knob and turned to look over my shoulder, "See you, Riku."

Riku waved goodbye and Sora shut the door behind me. I pressed the down button on the elevator and boarded it when it arrived. When the door opened again on the ground floor, the doorman opened the front door for me, and I mumbled a word of thanks to him as I stepped outside. Tonight I was going to be …less spastic. Not that I was. Maybe jittery is a more appropriate term. Yes, less jittery around Axel. I was not insane, I was normal. Normal pre-Axel wet dream Roxas. If I just kept telling myself that, I'd be fine.

A sleek black limo was already pulled up outside of the door, and resting against the side of it was Axel with his arms crossed. He was dressed in a pair of form fitting dark blue jeans, grey boots, and a long sleeved grey sweater of which he had pushed the sleeves up to his elbows. Around his wrists were two identical black sweatbands and he had wrapped a large, navy scarf around his neck. His unruly red hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and he had a pair of sunglasses tucked precariously on his forehead.

"Looking sharp, Rox." He commented as soon as he saw me. He pulled the handle on the door open and gestured for me to get in. I got into the limo and was greeted with Zexion who was causally drinking what looked to be red wine and Demyx who was busy watching the television underneath the bar.

Demyx cast a glance my way as Axel got into the limo and slammed the door, and his eyes instantly lit up, "Roxas! Long time no see. How've you been?"

I shrugged. "Fine."

"Excited for tonight?" He grinned, "Ready to schmooze with …schmoozeyish people?"

"Sure." I looked over to Zexion who nodded to me.

He tipped his glass off to me, "Roxas. A pleasure to see you again."

"The feeling is mutual."

Axel slouched down into his seat, and then turned to look at me. "Sooo …this is what's going on tonight just so you know. Right now we've got a signing and small press conference going on at the Virgin Megastore down on 42nd for the next hour. After that, it's the release party for the rest of the night."

"Don't forget about the contest winners." Zexion murmured as he finished off his glass and set it down on the side table next to him. He took out his phone and scrutinized it briefly.

"Oh …yeah." Axel groaned, slamming his hand against the seat, "You know, I really hate those stupid fan club contests. Who the hell arranges them anyway? Those chicks are going to be tailing us the entire night …and won't shut the hell up. How old are they anyway?"

"Fifteen." Zexion answered, not raising his head. "And before you ask, her name is Stephanie. She's also got a friend along for the night. Ashley. She's the same age."

"I second Axel. You know, all the Ashley's I know are idiots." Demyx commented off handedly. Axel stared at him, raising an eyebrow. Demyx's eyes grew wide, and he gestured wildly with his hands. "Seriously, man, don't you remember Ashley Beckett?"

"Ummm …" Axel bit his lip, "No?"

"Short? Blonde hair? Had that obnoxious laugh that sounded like grating nails?" Demyx pointed a finger at him, "She went out with that beefy kid for a few weeks before he went out with that hot chick Beatrix. His name was like Einstein or …Albert or something."

"Steiner." Zexion corrected him.

"Yeah! Him!"

"…Oh! Now I know who you're talking about!" Axel grimaced, "Didn't she blow off the entire football team?"

"Pretty much or so everyone said…" Demyx shrugged, "She was an idiot though. Said a lot of stupid shit in me and Zex's anatomy class in senior year."

Axel shrugged, "At any rate, I'm not up for the five million questions tonight. I just want a nice …somewhat normal night. I've heard some of the line up for the guests at the party tonight and I can tell you, I'm not pleased." He gritted his teeth and shook his head, then looked at me. "You'll keep me sane though, right, Roxy?"

I shrugged, "Maybe."

Axel laughed, "Always the one to never give me a straight answer."

xXx

When we arrived, the place was swarming with screaming fans who were waiting on line with their CD copies, security and tons of people with cameras. I played the back burner on this one, and let Axel, Demyx and Zexion get their shots while I was escorted into the store by security. Inside, the entire first floor had been cleared out for the CD signing and even inside the people were going just as crazy as they were outside. I slowly find myself migrating over to a spot by the signing table.

"Wha' are you doing 'ere? This area is only for certified guests." A gruff voice snapped from behind me.

I turned around to see a tall blonde man standing behind me. He was wearing a white wife beater with a black shirt thrown over it. His dark jeans were faded and the fronts of his brown boots scuffed. He had an unlit cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth, and stubble covered his lower face.

He stared at me for two seconds, and then backed away, "Wait a minute, yer one of them pretty Waterwell boys Axel's skinny ass'es been spending all his time with, aren't ya?" He looked me up and down again, "…Roxer? Rocking?"

"Roxas." I corrected him, removing my glasses.

"Cid Highwind." He took my hand in his large, rough one and squeezed it to the point where I thought my circulation was going to be cut off. "I'm sure you've 'eard Axel runnin' his mouth off 'bout me. …That lazy ass. Didn' even tell he was bringin' company. Speakin' of, where the hell are those pretty boys?"

"…Outside." I replied.

The doors to the store opened up and as if on cue, Axel, Demyx and Zexion all walked in. The line behind me went into a whole new fit of screams as more cameras went off. Axel gave me the thumbs up as he passed by me, Demyx waved to the people on the line and Zexion passed by as nonchalant as usual. Cid grumbled something to himself and walked off to God knows where.

Axel tapped the mic and leaned in, "Is this thing on, check …one two one two …" He gave the people waiting for the signing to begin one of his world famous grins and spoke lowly into the microphone, "Hello, New York City." The people surrounding the area went into a fit of screams again that nearly shattered the sound barrier. I groaned, pressing my fingers into my ears. He laughed, "That's what I like to hear. It's exciting for us to be back here once again …seeing all our fans again. Now, let's get this show on the road."

And then the signing began. You got your CD signed by all three members of Organization XIII, and a picture if you were willing to pay an extra five bucks—which let me say, a lot of people gladly did. A few girls got unruly and had to be escorted out by security, but they were few and far in-between, so that didn't happen all too often. The signing wrapped up a little after six and afterwards, reporters and various media outlets filed in for a short press conference. The questions mainly consisted of their future plans for the upcoming summer in relation to the band.

After that was done, it was time for the three of them to meet the winners of the release party contest. Axel, who had been making faces of displeasure the entire time before the girls had arrived, instantly went into amicable celebrity mode and greeted the girls with open arms. Demyx and Zexion were not too far behind in the façade, although the two of them seemed a little bit more genuine in their reception of the girls than Axel did.

Stephanie was a freckled face red head, with wide brown eyes and braces. Her friend Ashley? Well …Demyx was right when he said that all the Ashley's he knew were idiots. Don't get me wrong, I knew some smart Ashley's in my life …but maybe all the idiot ones just gravitated toward Demyx. After a photo op with the girls, giving them some random band related paraphernalia and some small talk; we all got into the limo again and headed off toward our destination.

The release party was held down in an old renovated loft on the Upper West side. The press was once again gathered for the event as various big names (or so Axel told me) in the business were arriving. Instead of going in straight away as I had done before, Axel grabbed me and told me to pose for some photos.

…Now you know why I always keep glasses on me at all times. I don't need to go blind.

As soon as we were done taking a couple hundred pictures, security ushered us into the building and up to the second floor where the party was taking place. Axel told me to keep close to him for the night, because if the rumors were true a certain _someone _was bound to make their appearance at the party tonight and he wanted to keep an eye on me to make sure nothing explosive happened.

We were seated in a secluded alcove a few feet away from the dance floor. Axel and I sat in the center, and Demyx and Zexion were at our sides. Both of the contest girls sat next to Demyx and were talking in hushed and hurried voices the entire time we were there.

Axel turned to me, "Are you hungry or anything? They've got a buffet they're serving up …"

"…I could go for a strawberry daiquiri, actually." I replied, pocketing my glasses.

"Virgin or—"

I glared at him, "You know I don't drink."

He winked at me and grinned. Axel slipped off to get my drink and probably food for himself while I stayed rooted to the booth, my elbows propped on the table. It was loud in the room and hard to hear over the noise of the music and people talking. The music, I recognized after sometime, must have been the Organization's latest CD. Axel's singing voice …always was kind of different from his regular voice.

Demyx was busy entertaining the two contest girls as the three of them launched into a hyper speed conversation that I didn't bother to follow. Zexion accepted a glass of wine from the waiter that came over to our table and was busy resting his head against the plush exterior of the chair and not paying attention to what was going on.

I snapped my head back to look out at the dance floor and surveyed the scene before me. People were talking and mingling with each other, everyone just seemed to be doing something. As I searched through the crowd just watching people, my eyes widened when I saw who was standing not to far from my table. She was standing by herself, looking around the room as I had been. The minute she caught my eye, she smiled widely and started to make her way over to my table.

"_Naminé_?" I blurted out, in disbelief, "What are you doing here?"

"Hello, Roxas." She smiled, shielding her mouth with the back of her hand. "I thought you might be here." She moved forward, "I'm here with Larxene."

Demyx and Zexion both looked at each other for a brief second, but she didn't seem to catch their stares. For some reason, I felt like this night wasn't going to be easy …

"Oh, really?" I asked, my eyebrows rising slightly. I looked past her to see Axel still over by the buffet line, and eventually headed over to the bar. I moved my way past Zexion, and linked my hand over her wrist, "Come with me for a second?"

"All right."

I dragged her through a throng of people to the other side of the room and off to the balcony where a few people had gathered to smoke. I let her hand drop and turned to her. "…It's more private out here …I can hear you better."

"Yes it is …" She nodded, "It's been a long time since we've last met. How have you been?"

"Good, actually." I said, "A …lot of things have gotten better."

"You look better." She commented, walking up beside me. "Healthier, happier even." She smiled, "…You and Axel seem to be getting along better."

"Yeah …" I shrugged, "He's not so bad."

"I thought so." Naminé replied, placing a thin hand on the railing in front of her, "Larxene told me about him. Sounds like a nice guy."

"How are the two of you?" I asked.

"We're doing well, actually." Naminé nodded as if to confirm it. "She's the main reason I'm here tonight. …She wanted to come and show her support."

Support …? Larxene …is showing Axel …support? Why was this not rubbing me the right way at _all_? I eyed Naminé, but she stayed focused on the city before us. "Support?"

"Yeah." Naminé nodded, "I know …the two of them haven't had the best relationship after what happened between her and Axel but …" Naminé shrugged. "People like to give others second chances, don't they?"

"So you know about …" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"She's told me some things …" Naminé nodded, "We've gotten close, Roxas. Very close …I consider her to be like a sister to me." Her eyes closed slightly at the thought.

"Naminé!" Naminé and I looked behind us simultaneously and saw Larxene walking over to the two of us. Naminé's smiled broadened as she acknowledged Larxene. Larxene turned to look at me, "Well look what we have here, if it isn't Roxas Ardenwell."

"He came with Axel, Demyx and Zexion." Naminé offered the information up without letting me speak.

"Really?" Larxene entertained an idea in her head and then shrugged. "Went to the signing before hand, hm?"

I shrugged, "Yeah."

"Filled with the usual bunch?" She asked, crossing her arms.

"And that is …?" I asked her.

"You know groupies, all those crazy ass fan girls and whatever." When I nodded my head, Larxene laughed. "Always are. Well then, I won't keep you. Naminé, come, there's someone I want you to meet."

Naminé turned to me and grabbed my hands, "We'll talk later, right?"

I nodded and watched as she left with Larxene. I saw that as my cue to leave the balcony and return to the booth. Zexion looked like he was sleeping, so I eased my way past him and Axel and took my seat once again.

"Where've you been?" Axel asked, concern laced into his voice.

"Talking to Naminé." I replied, "She's here with Larxene."

"Oh …" Was Axel's only reply. He looked at the plate before him which had scattered food all over it. He nudged a large glass over my way, "I got your daiquiri."

"Thanks." I took the straw top off and went on to drink it.

Axel went into a pensive state, scanning the room briefly. He stood up and turned to look at me. "I'll be back."

I nodded to him, and went back to drinking the daiquiri. Demyx was still talking to the contest winners and Zexion had opened his eyes, and wordlessly left the booth for some reason or another. I went back to looking around the room again to see if there was anyone else I knew hiding in the wings. That's when I saw the second surprise of the night.

Marluxia was here.

He was talking to a young Latino looking guy over by the windows that overlooked the street below. From the body language, to the faded pink and black hair, I knew for a fact that it was Marluxia.

I groaned, hanging my head and pushing my daiquiri off to the side and standing up. "Demyx, I'll be back." Demyx nodded, not like he really paid any attention. He was too busy entertaining Thing 1 and 2.

Marluxia and Larxene were _both _here. This was spectacular.

This was utterly and terribly spectacular. First Naminé makes an appearance with Axel's ex-girlfriend—crazed Nazi fem-bitch that I heard she is—and then Mr. "Hello, I used to want Axel's pants, but since I've already been in there, now I want yours because _he _wants you," follows suit. I instantly made a beeline to the bathroom to be alone.

Granted, I had no problems with Larxene, but after hearing that entire story about her and Marluxia, I wasn't so sure if I wanted to be at this party anymore. Marluxia was insane, borderline psychotic …and I knew that if Larxene was here and the two ran into each other, something was bound to happen.

I don't know how long I had been in the bathroom just sitting in a stall and trying to calm myself down, but the door opened not to long after I had first entered and swung shut as it closed. The footsteps were slow and light, and stopped a few feet away. The bathroom dissolved into silence. Instinctively, I listened for any sounds of breathing coming from the person that had just entered. The footsteps started up a few minutes later and stopped a few feet away.

"Roxas?" And the knight in shining armor makes his appearance.

I dragged my legs up into the stall and pressed my head against the wall, wishing that I had never come to this stupid release party in the first place. I groaned at Axel as he moseyed his way into the bathroom. I could hear his footsteps slowly moving toward the handicapped stall where I had run to in a fit of Roxas-needs-to-be-alone-now-itis.

"Roxas, are you in there?" Axel called out again.

The groan steadily made its way into a growl as I opened my mouth. I could feel my mode going from okay to abysmal in two seconds flat. "Axel, can you kindly flip off for two seconds and leave me alone?"

"Sheesh, what crawled up your ass and died?"

"Only the fact that I always have to deal with the psychos of your past." I shot back, "Marluxia is here."

"Is that what the problem is?" Axel asked, "I'll get security on him and make sure he doesn't touch you. Look, things are going to be alright? I checked out everything. Larxene's not here to cause trouble and Marluxia has yet to approach me or you. If it comes to it, we'll deal with it …now please …come out?"

"No." I said. "I'll stay in here the entire night if I have to."

"You're being difficult." Axel said. He sighed heavily. "Fine, I guess I'll just have to wait here until you decide to come out."

"Then go ahead and do that."

"I will."

There was silence between the two of us in the bathroom. If you want to know the truth, I could feel the tension radiating between the two of us. It wasn't like I was _trying _to be difficult; I just wanted to be as far away from the trouble as I could. Marluxia put me on edge and that's what was happening right now.

I knew I could stand up against him and defend myself from him if I needed to …but I hated having to try and avoid the crazy ass just to have a good time. That coupled with the fact that I wasn't in the best of moods after knowing Larxene was here. What the hell did she want to "support" Axel for anyway? Wasn't she the one who wanted nothing to do with him?

…Then I realized something.

Not only was Axel protective of me …**I **was protective of him also. Shit, if my emotions weren't out of control this night, I don't know what was.

"You know …" Axel started, "I haven't seen you like this in long time. What gives, Roxas? Do you want me to take you home or something? Are you tired? What? Was is it?"

"Stop getting short with me." I said.

"I'm not getting short with you; I just want to know what's wrong." Axel said, "For the past few weeks, you've been acting so distant with me that I don't know what to do with you anymore. You're closing up on me again, and it's not good."

For fucks sake Axel, _open _your eyes and maybe you'd get an inkling of what's going on. I'm getting so fucking frustrated …"…No I haven't."

"Yes you have, I—" He paused when the door swung open and the sound from outside came blaring into the bathroom. It subsided a few minutes later and he sighed. "Look …we'll have to finish this later because I have to go on in a few minutes." Axel said, "Roxas …please, just come out?"

I didn't say anything in reply. He sighed loudly, mumbled something under his breath and left the bathroom. I stayed on the toilet seat for a few minutes until I heard Axel's voice booming loud and clear over the noise in the other room. I came out of the bathroom as Axel was talking.

He was up on stage with Demyx and Zexion, talking about how he was glad that everyone had come out tonight and shown their support for the band and whatnot. He looked past the crowd, hands poised over his guitar searching the room for something. When his gaze landed on me he looked a bit relieved and smiled gently. Turning to look at Demyx he nodded and Demyx signaled them to start playing.

There was a huge crowd gathered in the front of the stage with tons of people jumping up and down and screaming. I stayed in the back, not wishing to get caught up in the crowd and staying in a place where I could watch the stage from a safe distance.

"Crazy, isn't it?"

I turned around and saw Larxene grinning behind me. She was drinking a white liquid out of the glass in her hand; probably a pina colada from the looks of it. I turned around to look back at the stage. "I guess."

"You seem bummed, something wrong?"

"No."

"I heard you were a good liar." She mused, swiveling her straw around in her drink. "I guess the rumors were wrong."

"I heard you were quiet." I shot back, "I guess _those_ rumors were wrong."

"Well they were right about the hostility thing." She rolled her eyes, "Naminé _did _say that I should watch what I say to you."

"Did she also tell you that I hate it when people bother me for no reason?" I asked, glaring Larxene down.

"…God, you bitch worse than I do." Larxene rolled her eyes at me again, and shook her head. "You need a drink, I'll be right back."

Before I could respond, she was off on her merry way, swiveling her hips from side to side. I had to get out of this place, and I had to get out now. I couldn't take this anymore. There was too much going on. I had involuntarily been an ass to Axel, Larxene seemed to be everywhere I went and for once, Marluxia wasn't around to bother me which I was thankful for, of course.

I went back over to the booth I had been sitting at and slumped forward onto the booth table. Maybe if I wished hard enough, I would wake up from all of this and realize that this night had all been a dream. Of course, those types of things don't quite work out in my life.

I was startled by the sound of shattering glass and then people yelling and screaming. I picked my head up to see that a fight had broken out in the center of the huge dance pit that was forming. I started moving toward the edge of the booth seat, wary of keeping my distance, but trying to get close enough to hear what was going on.

A flash of pink crossed my line of vision. Leave it to Marluxia to fuck something up. Demyx and Zexion stopped playing when Axel swatted his hand at them. Demyx set his sticks down on the drums and Zexion watched what was going on below them. Axel screamed, pulling away from the microphone and taking his guitar off, "HEY! **_HEY_**! BREAK IT UP!"

The fighting did not subside and people were trying to pull Marluxia off whoever he was fighting. Axel hopped down off the stage and began making his way into the center of the huge mess. Marluxia was eventually able to knock off the people grabbing at him and the guy was coaxing him over to the bar where they started fighting once again.

I caught sight of Larxene, who was backing away from the fight holding what I presumed was supposed to be my drink and hers. She cast a glance my way from across the room. Marluxia and the guy swiveled away from the bar and were heading over to the seating area where the booths had been constructed.

Marluxia crashed back first into a glass table, leading the many girls who were surrounding the area to start screaming and running away to safer ground. Marluxia rolled off of the glass table a bit slowly, brushing away glass shards that were stuck in his shirt. Zexion and Demyx had left the stage and followed Axel's lead in trying to break up the fight and joined the group of people that were pulling the other guy in the fight away from Marluxia.

"Get back! All of you get the fuck back!"

Security had finally gotten a bit of a hold on the situation and had moved in to handcuff the other guy in the fight. Just as Marluxia was about to get up from the booth, Axel acted as if on cue and bum rushed Marluxia. The two of them crashed into the floor near where the glass table had been broken previously. There was a short struggle between the two of them for dominance, but Axel eventually won Marluxia over the minute he saw an opening and landed a punch squarely across Marluxia's face. Marluxia seemed to flop over and stopped moving the minute Axel pulled his fist back.

Axel had pulled himself, and had stumbled off to rest against the side of one of the booths. I instantly got out of the booth and took the moment to cross the short distance between us and landed at his side in an instant. He looked at me with fierce green eyes and I motioned for his hand. Blood was spilling down the center of his hands, and steadily making its way toward the sides. Somewhere in his tousle with Marluxia, his hand must have landed on one of the stray glass pieces from the table.

He kept looking at me wordlessly as I inspected his hand for a moment. I sighed, looking around for something that I could use to clean the blood up. I found an unused cloth napkin on the table and immediately pressed it into his hand to try and stop the bleeding. Axel hissed in return, wincing slightly when I turned to look up at him.

"I have to stop the bleeding somehow. Trust me, I know what I'm doing." I was pretty well versed in first aid for cuts like this, mostly due to Hayner, actually. I patted away the blood that was flowing down his skin with the ends of the material. "I can only hope to stop the blood with pressure. We have to get you to a hospital." I mumbled, as I tied a makeshift tourniquet around his hand in an attempt to slow the flow of blood.

The glass had torn a crooked line down the center of his palm and the cut itself looked to be pretty deep. I turned to look over my shoulder as Axel's eyes stayed fixated to one spot. Marluxia was back to thrashing around after Demyx and Zexion had made a move to hold him down while security took care of him.

Eventually he was cuffed, and pulled away from Demyx and Zexion's hold. Marluxia's voice rang out loud and clear throughout the quiet loft. He struggled the entire way out, writhing and bucking. "Fuck you. Fuck you Axel! Fuck you Demyx! Fuck you Zexion! Fuck you _all_!"

I turned back to Axel to help him to his feet. I kept my hands firmly wrapped around his own as I kept gripping his hands to apply more pressure to his wound. I looked up at him and saw that he was still watching the police remove Marluxia from the area. Axel looked down at me when Marluxia was out of sight, and only looked away when we were being pushed out of the door by security.

I definitely should have stayed home tonight.


	23. She Had the World

**23; she had the world**

It was a mad house trying to get out of the release party.

We had lost Demyx and Zexion in the mix of everything going on. Police were everywhere. The front of the building had been ambushed by a slew of people, all of them wanting a shot of what was going on inside of the party. As soon as Axel and I were outside, security completely surrounded us. We were brought over and shoved into the back of an ambulance that instantly took off for the hospital. It was beyond insane.

Currently, the EMT was busy dressing Axel's hand as best as she could. According to her, he would most likely need stitches when we got to the hospital and would also have to get x-rays taken of his hand to assess the damage that had been done to his hand when he punched Marluxia.

Axel turned to peak out at me from behind the arm he had covering his face. He opened his mouth to say something but I shook my head and cut him off before he could utter a word, "Don't apologize or say you're sorry or anything else pertaining to you, me and an apology of some sort. I've learned to expect this type of thing with you." I shook my head, "And I'm not trying to be condescending in any way. I'm just saying there's never a dull moment with you around."

"I wasn't going to—"

"No." I pointed my finger at him, "Shut up and rest."

He promptly shut up and closed his eyes, shaking his head and throwing his arm back over his face. The EMT pulled on the gauze wrap, and he winced in response. I sighed, looking out of the window of the back of the ambulance. A police escort was following us. I looked back to the EMT.

"How much longer until we reach the hospital?"

"With traffic the way it is, I'd say a little under five minutes. Don't worry; his injuries aren't severe. Though it feels like he may have broken a knuckle or two." She smiled at me, and then looked down at Axel as he peeked out at her sheepishly, "It's nothing a few weeks of a finger splint won't be able to take care of. But like I said, we'll find all of this out when we get those X-rays taken, hm?"

I sighed, looking down at Axel, "…You know you can be really reckless at times..."

"I was simply _subduing _the aggressor." He said as he pointed at me with his good hand. "Besides, if I remember correctly_ you _punched him in the face not too long ago."

"Yeah, but I didn't fuck my hand up like you did."

The EMT laughed at the two of us, "Well I can tell the two of you are good friends." She grinned.

Axel closed his eyes as he pushed his face into the groove of his arm again. The ambulance eventually pulled up to the hospital and we were ushered out, Axel on the stretcher with me walking beside him. The police escort was close by, blocking off the press and media that were gathered outside of the hospital. I turned to look at Axel and he wasn't paying attention to them at all.

We were immediately shuffled into the emergency room where the gash in the middle of his palm was sutured up and redressed with fresh gauze. Normal protocol would have called for him to try a few standard tests to see what the state of his hand was in, but since he got the sutures and gauze put on, they immediately shipped him off to get some X-rays taken.

His pinky and ring finger knuckles were fractured, just barely. He was fitted with an arm sling, a splint and a small cast that fit over his pinky and ring fingers. Before they discharged him, a nurse came by with some sheets to be filled out. Seeing as Axel had fucked his left hand up behind all comprehensible belief, I was left to fill out the sheets while he rattled information off to me.

A little while after Axel had been discharged to a private room, the door flew open and Demyx came in looking like he had just been hit by a whirlwind. Zexion was a few steps behind him, looking calm despite what had just transpired nearly an hour ago. It took him a moment, but Axel sat up in bed, and raised his eyebrows.

The nurse who had been in the room previously came in, yelling at the two of them, "Sir! Please leave immediately before I have to call security! This is a private room! You do **not **have authorization to be in here!"

"They're cool …" Axel mumbled. They had given him something for the pain in his hand, and I could tell it was getting to him just by his mellowed out demeanor. The nurse looked at him incredulously, "Seriously, I know them. They're not here to kill me or anything, it's alright."

The nurse looked at me for confirmation and I nodded. She let Zexion and Demyx pass through, and the door shut behind her. The moment it did, Demyx walked over to Axel who went back to lying down on the bed. Zexion pulled up a seat next to where I was sitting cross legged on the windowsill.

"They didn't even tell us they were taking you to the hospital!" Demyx exclaimed, a few decimals to high. He leaned over, peering at Axel. "And your **hand**."

Axel eyed it and shrugged, "I've had worse."

Demyx sighed, putting his hands on his hips. "Cid was livid when he found out what happened. Supposedly someone had one drink too many and started some fight with a random guy over some stupid ass reason. We didn't really get all the details." He shrugged then scratched his head, "You socked him pretty hard you know?"

Axel moved his left arm as best he could and winced slightly, "I would think that was pretty evident." He looked at Zexion, "What happened to those contest chicks?"

"Escorted out by security." Zexion shrugged, "Perhaps this will prompt Cid to reconsider his contest ideas."

Axel laughed darkly. "Heh …" He groaned, and sighed loudly. "God, these pain killers are shit. They don't do _anything_."

I looked down at him, and spoke quietly, "The nurse just gave you something. She can't give you anything else until your done filling these charts out."

Axel eased his arm back down, "Yeah, yeah …where were we?"

"All that's left is your signature and …well …you can't really do that so …" I looked further down on the paper and saw something about a patient having the inability to sign for themselves, "I guess I'll have to sign for you." I scribbled out my signature and then shuffled the papers all into one pile and clipped them onto the board. I hopped off the window sill and walked over to Axel's bed side. "Tell me if all of this is right."

"You have really girly handwriting, Roxas." Axel commented as he looked everything over.

"Yes and your handwriting is chicken scratch so we're even." I crossed my arms. "Well?"

"Yeah, yeah, it looks good." He handed the clipboard back to me and fell back down onto the bed, "God, I just want to get out of here already."

I left him with Demyx and Zexion and continued my way back to the nurse's station. I tapped on the desk and one of the nurses looked up and I held the clipboard up. "Excuse me? These are the discharge papers for Axel Ramirez."

"Oh …thank you." The nurse looked at the sheets and then smiled at me, "Give me a second, and I'll give you some antibiotic topical cream for his hand and then he's free to go." She left my line of vision and I turned around and sighed.

This was shaping up to be a crazy night.

The next time I expected to end up in the emergency room was for something _I_ had done, not someone else. I rubbed at my eyes and yawned loudly. I glanced at the clock to my left and saw that it was well after twelve o'clock in the morning, bordering on one. Had we really been in the hospital for that long?

The nurse came back shortly. "Here we are." She handed me a box with a piece of paper wrapped around it. "Those are instructions on how to redress the wound daily. In the meantime, he should come back within two weeks to have his hand checked out. You all have a nice night and stay out of trouble, you here me?"

I nodded and headed back down the hall to Axel's room. I paused outside of the door when I heard Axel's voice rising in anger. "—fucked the entire night over! What's there to fucking **talk **about?"

"It's not your fault, though! Marluxia started the entire fucking thing. Sure, we're going to get a little bit of bad press because of what he did, but …it's …" Demyx tried to reason with him.

"I don't _care _to talk about anything right now, Demyx. I'm in the fucking hospital because Marluxia wants to go and act like a fucking idiot and fuck up everything we ever do. I'm sick of this. It's been this way even _before _Roxas came into the picture. He's fucking insane and I'm tired of dealing with this."

"Look, you're just frustrated and tired. It's been a long day and we need—"

"What _you _guys can do is get out of here because _I'm _fine." He snapped. "I'll come home on my own accord. No one told you guys to come here."

"You are being incorrigible and irrational. Do not let yourself go because of the situation. We know it's been a long night and you're tired and you want to get out of here." Zexion said. His voice was stern, as if he were scolding a young child. "I know you don't want to be in this place and Demyx knows it too, but acting like a child about things isn't going to facilitate the situation. Now then, Roxas went to give your discharge papers in. When he gets back we can all leave. Until then control yourself. I know you hate hospitals, and I'd rather the situation wasn't what it was right now …but …please, be patient."

The room went silent. I pushed the door open and poked my head in. Demyx was the first to turn and look at me, followed by Zexion. I let the door close slightly behind me. "We've got clearance." I turned to look at Axel's backside which was to the door. "Axel, they're discharging you."

Zexion adjusted his coat, and ran a hand through his hair. He walked up to me, "Stay with him. We're going to go make sure the limo is out front." He left the room, followed by Demyx who shrugged as he walked past me.

The door closed and Axel and I were left alone. Axel had his eyes closed and was tapping his foot against the bottom of the bed furiously. I rummaged around in my coat for my phone and saw that I had two missed calls from Sora and one text message. I flipped the screen back into the phone and held it up to my ear.

Axel sighed behind me, as he shifted himself to get off the bed. I turned around to look at him as I was waiting for the phone to pick up, "You didn't put any pressure of that arm, did you?"

He looked at it and shrugged, "No,"

I turned my attention back to the phone as he got ready. I heard barking in the background as Sora picked up the house phone and yelled frantically into it, "I was wondering when you would call. Are you okay? I saw what happened on the news and …you had me worried! How about Axel? Is he alright? They said he was injured."

"We're all fine." I glanced over at Axel who was standing up now. "I'll be home shortly, alright?

"Alright …I'll …" He paused, "I'll wait—yeah, it's Roxas, Riku …yeah he's okay. …Yeah! Yes!" He turned his attention back to the phone, "…Sorry, Riku's staying over."

"Hmm …" I mumbled, knowingly.

"Don't give me that 'hmm!" I could hear his embarrassment radiating through his voice, "I'll see you when you get home!"

The phone line went dead before I could say anything. I turned around to see Axel was standing, staring expectantly at me. The tension from before had dissipated between us. For one reason or another, it seemed like Axel was giving everyone the cold shoulder but me. Granted, like Demyx had said he probably was tired and just needed some rest. It had been a long night for all of us.

Security was there to get us out of the hospital and through the media hoard that was collecting in the front. Demyx and Zexion were downstairs talking to the nurse in the front. Zexion motioned for us to follow him out, and the four of us were escorted through the sea of cameras and screaming people.

We eventually got into the limo and jetted off down the street and off to the Upper East Side. One the ride back, Demyx had decided to go to sleep and Zexion was currently talking in a hushed voice to someone on the phone. Axel had his gaze cast skyward toward the sunroof by where the two of us sat.

"I'm staying with you tonight." Axel muttered lowly, just so I could hear him.

I turned to look at him, "What?"

"Tomorrow morning things will just blow over worse than what they already are right now. An insane amount of reporters will probably be all over our house, and seeing as _I _was the one that was sent off to the hospital, they'll probably be looking for me more so than Dem and Zex. I …" He turned to look out the back of the car, "Don't think anyone really followed us …we'll drop you off first and I'll go with you."

"…Are you sure? I mean …people will still be there …"

"They'll eventually find out where I am." Axel shrugged, slouching down into his chair, "But I'd rather go somewhere where I can get some peace and quiet without the phone ringing off the hook the entire night."

"Oh …" Was all I could say. He didn't know how much I could relate to that. …Prime example would be the night that Hayner died. …Those were some turbulent weeks. I looked up at him, "I don't think Sora would mind but …do you have …?"

"Clothes and all that much?" He asked, "Yeah. I've got something in the trunk. We got some free shit from some photo shoot we did earlier today. I'll just wear that tomorrow or whatever."

"Hm …" I turned to look at Axel and he had his eyes closed. I looked away from him and back out the window.

xXx

"Are you sure about this?" Zexion asked in a hush voice. Axel and I stood on the curb outside my apartment building, while he sat by the rolled down window. Demyx was still sleeping on the seat next to him.

"Yeah." Axel answered in an equally hushed voice. "They'll be looking for you two, but mostly me. I …just need a little vacation for the night. Tell Dem I'm sorry about flipping out on him, alright?"

"Alright." Zexion answered, running a hand through his hair, "I'll …call you if anything comes up tomorrow. Get some sleep and take care of that hand. I don't think I'll have to worry about that with Roxas around though."

"See ya." Axel waved off with good hand.

Zexion shook his head, "Roxas, look after him for us, please?"

I nodded, "I will."

Zexion nodded wordlessly to the both of us and rolled up the window. As soon as the limo was out of sight, Axel and I turned around and headed upstairs. The ride up in the elevator was quiet, as was the walk to the door. The minute I entered my key into the door, Soro started barking and I could hear Riku and Sora's voices yelling in a combined effort to get her to shut up.

_Riku, take her into my room, please?_

…_I _**would **_if I could catch her …_

…_Well …maybe if you just …_

_Aggghh … _Something hit the floor. _The vase!_

I sighed, turning the locks on the door and finally opening it up. Sora was dressed in a blue robe, white and blue striped pajama pants and a pair of fuzzy red slippers yelling at Riku from on top of the couch. Riku, dressed in a pair of simple black pajamas, was currently trying to get a hold on Soro who he had cornered by the window.

The minute she saw me, she took off from Riku and ran up the stairs of the living room and crash landed at my feet. I bent down to pick her up and shook my head at her. "You cause us entirely way too much trouble." She licked my nose in response and I sighed. I dropped her back down to the ground and she ran around at my feet, looking up at me.

"No wonder she's going crazy. _You _were outside the door …with …" Sora jumped off the couch, and pointed a finger accusingly at me, "Axel! Roxas, why didn't you tell me we were having company?"

"Because I didn't." I answered as Axel moved aside so I could lock the door.

"Axel, what are you doing here?" Sora asked, his eyebrows rising in concern. He looked away from him and then down to his injured arm, "More importantly, are you okay? Is everything alright?"

Axel smiled tiredly, "I'm fine, Sora. I just …needed somewhere to lie low until tomorrow. Things are pretty crazy as they are right now …and I wanted to go somewhere where I could get some rest before facing the crazy ass mob tomorrow."

"Oh …" Sora answered. He looked over his shoulder at Riku and then turned back to us, grinning widely. "Well …I guess we'll be having one big sleepover, then?" We all cleared our throats at that sentient. "Oh, you guys are no fun."

Riku shook his head, "The gesture was cute, Sora …but no, no sleepover."

Sora folded his arms, "Well, whatever. It's late and since you're home safely I guess Riku and I can …" He bit his lip, "I mean …"

I looked at him expectantly. "So Riku and you can go to bed." I said for him. "Axel and I are going to stay up a bit longer."

"We are?" Axel asked me, trying to look surprised.

"Yeah, we are." I turned to look at him and, "When was the last time you ate?"

"Hm …" He shrugged. "At the party, but …I didn't really eat then either so …"

"Well …" Sora started, fiddling with his thumbs as Riku walked up behind him. He glanced up at Riku and then back toward us, "We're going to go to sleep. So …we'll see you guys in the morning."

Riku waved to us as he exited down the hallway to Sora's room, "Night."

"Night, Riku." I said. Axel gave a half hearted wave. I turned to look at Sora, "Well? Go join him."

Sora made a strangled noise, as his blush became evident on his cheeks. "Shush up! I'll see you two in the morning. Don't stay up too late."

As soon as the door shut, Axel turned to look at me, a glint of humor in his eyes. "…How long is your brother going to try and keep up the façade that Riku's not his boyfriend?"

"I don't know." I shrugged, "I always thought it was kind of …obvious."

"You're not the only one." Axel looked at Sora's door.

I waved my hand nonchalantly as I walked into the kitchen, "I'm going to go see what there's in here to eat. I'm sure Sora cooked or something…" But, Sora hadn't cooked, he had ordered out. There were some dumplings, fried and white rice left on the top shelf of the fridge.

Axel turned to look at me, and then looked away again. "…Rox, I'm gonna go put this stuff—"

"In my room." I answered for him, bending over into the refrigerator to get the food out. I turned to look at him after I had set everything out on the counter. I lowered my voice, "Put it in my room. You need somewhere comfortable to sleep tonight with the way that your arm is …" I swallowed, shaking my head. "You can take my bed for the night."

"…Are you sure?" Axel asked hesitantly. "I mean, I'm fine with sleeping on the couch and—"

"Stop being so stubborn and take my bed!" I hunched my shoulders up and lowered my voice again, "It's not a big deal."

"Jeez, alright. Aren't _we _pushy tonight?" Axel turned around, and headed down the hallway and out of my sight.

I sighed, turning to glance up at the clock above the table. It was past two and I wasn't tired in the least bit. When Axel was taking too long to come back from my room, I took the liberty to go and find him and I nearly melted when I saw where he was.

Axel was lying face down in the center of my bed, one leg extended and the other curled up. His shoes were thrown haphazardly by the base of my bed; he'd probably just kicked them off without much regard for where they ended up. His sling was thrown onto the floor, and his right arm was tucked underneath his chin and his left was extended away from his head. His ass was sky high.

"What are you doing?" I asked, feeling my cheeks heating up. Dear self, when the **hell **did you turn into a teenaged school girl?

"…Your bed is so _fucking _comfortable." He groaned, "It feels like a fucking fluff haven or something."

"You're just saying that because you've been on a lumpy, shitty ass hospital bed for the past few hours." I said, walking over to my bed. I sat down by his legs, and he drew himself up slowly to look at me, "I took the food out …"

"What's there to eat?"

"Rice and dumplings." I answered.

He looked at me for two seconds and then shrugged. "I'm game."

I picked up the sling from the floor, "Shouldn't you be wearing this?"

"Yeah. I should do a lot of things, but I don't." He pointed at me with his good hand and then left the room.

I rolled my eyes, placed the sling back onto my bed and followed Axel off to the kitchen. After fighting over who got the bigger portion of fried rice—Axel did, though I got more dumplings—the two of us settled into the living room. We fought over what to watch, though much wasn't on. Three in the morning seemed to be the porno hour. I mean, just look at Oxygen. They were peddling various sex toys off to desperate callers on Shop Erotic. We eventually settled on Fuse.

"Isn't there anything else on besides a music video countdown?" He asked, raising chopsticks to his mouth.

"You want to watch Shop Erotic?" I asked, not entirely serious. Truth be told, I actually wanted to hear more about their 'Make Your Own Dildo' kit. …It sounded kind of interesting.

"Not particularly." He answered, "…There's nothing else on?"

I shrugged. "Not ...really..."

"Fine, just leave it here." Axel mumbled, poking at the plate he had balanced on his stomach. I had offered him a tray, or something to sit it on, but he refused and had to do something else in typical Axel fashion. A few videos passed by, not that we were really paying attention. We both ate on in companionable silence, breaking momentarily to comment on how bad the song was that was playing or how stupid the video concept was.

"You know, I was sixteen when I did my first music video."

"Hm?" I turned to look at him.

He leaned forward so he could put his empty plate on the coffee table. "It was a complete culture shock for me. I don't think I've ever stayed up so late in one day for my life …" He turned to look at me, "The concept was pretty cut throat. Play, throw in a couple of random dance and artistic shots and bam, there's your video." He closed his eyes, resting his head against the couch and mused lowly to himself, "White Out My Eyes was a good song though …"

"Sounds exhilarating." I muttered sarcastically.

"It is back when you're first starting out. The novelty wears off after awhile." Axel opened his eyes and looked at me again. "…Speaking of videos …I'm supposed to be drawing up concepts for our next one." He turned to me, a soft smile appearing on his face. "Who knows, maybe you could make a guest appearance in my next video."

"I highly doubt that." I murmured, wrinkling my nose. As what? Mr. I'm love sick? I don't think so. I'd rather much look at Axel from the safety of my own home. …At least I can run away and slam a door in his face if anything awkward happens.

He smirked, "Oh, come on Roxy. It'd be cute. You can be my little go-go dancer or something in the background. We can put you in one of those shimmy flapper dresses or something and you can do a whole buncha flailing and whatever."

"Alright, I'm going to play a game in which I say no and you're going to shut up." I turned to look at him, "From the way you're talking right now …something tells me those meds are starting to wear off."

Axel smiled again, "No, I can still feel those shits." He rested his head against the couch again, "Actually …I kind of feel a bit delirious right now …"

"Mmm …" I answered, falling over on the side of the couch. I could barely keep my eyes open anymore.

"And you sound like you're heading down that road also." He mumbled, closing his own eyes. His left hand was opened slightly at his side, while he held his right over his stomach. He stifled a yawn.

"You're one to talk." I eased off of the couch and turned to look at him, "Give me your plate, and go get changed or whatever. I'll get the lights, don't worry. I'll be in my room in a few."

Axel did as I said, shuffling off down the hallway. I raked the food remnants off both of our plates, and sat them in the sink. I turned off the light in the kitchen when I was done, and headed into the living room to turn off everything else.

After I had submerged the entire house in darkness, I headed off to my room to find Axel sprawled over my entire bed. He had changed into a pair of loose pants with a shirt thrown haphazardly over his chest. His left arm was at his side, and his right was suspended over his face as he looked through his phone at something.

"I was right to come over here." He said, as he dropped his phone off to the side and stood up. The shirt fell forward, exposing his bare chest. I turned away just before it fell off completely. He grunted lowly, "They could barely get out of the limo when it pulled up to the house …and the phone was ringing so much they had to disconnect it."

"I don't understand. Why …would there be so much media coverage over one fight?" I asked, pretending to find something interesting in my dresser.

Axel sighed, "Because it's _us_. It'd be the same thing if **you **got into a fight with someone, but probably worse. It's not sincere concern; it's more or less giving them the latest gossip that satisfies them." He shrugged. "It's only getting crazier because the more time elapses, the more they find out about the fight."

I grabbed an armful of clothes and gathered them up to my chest. "I'm going to go change. When I get back I'm going to look at your hand, alright?"

He looked at his hand, and then toward me. "…Rox, it's fine …"

"No, I've got to show you how to redress it and what not." I said. "We don't need your hand falling off."

"Jesus, you would've thought you were my mother or something with the way that you're carrying on."

"Shush." I said. Once I was out of hearing range and standing in the bathroom, I pressed my back against the door and sighed. "Besides, someone has to take care of you."

xXx

I've learned something new about Axel tonight.

He has a really low pain threshold.

I _thought _I was being gentle when I was observing his hand and trying to point out what he needed to do to clean his hand properly and how to rewrap it in gauze, but he clearly said otherwise. You know how I said I liked Axel's voice? I don't really appreciate it when he's screaming profanities at the highest decimal into my ear. I mean …if it were under different circumstances then I …really wouldn't have minded at all.

I couldn't get to sleep, but Axel passed right out when we both finally settled in for the night. When I looked at the clock again, it was close to five in the morning. The sky was beginning to turn to a lighter hue than it already was. I got out of bed, and stepped out of my room and went into the living room.

I sat down in the chair over by the window that Axel often smoked at, and pressed my head against the windowpane. The night was nearly silent, only being disturbed by the steady hums and passing of cars that flew by on the streets below. …Even after the night had been so long, I found that I couldn't get to sleep. Tonight …it felt like I saw a different side of Axel.

The side beyond all those stupid remarks and Cheshire cat grins. It's not like we had talked about anything substantial …it just …felt different for once. Like I was the one that had to look after him instead of him looking after me all the time. I don't what it was. I don't know how I had changed so much in such a short time. Though, the thought remains, even if I _have _changed there is still the possibility that I could regress to where I was once.

Axel would never let me do that though. I know he wouldn't. He'd intervene at some point and end up doing something that would set me back on track again. He had the ability to do that. And it's not like I was fighting him anymore either, I would very well look to him to do it. I guess …in a way …Axel is my saving grace. But I don't know what it is about him that makes me feel that he is. So I guess …because he looks after me, there's a natural want to look after him.

I just want to reciprocate the notion. Not that he's asking me, I _want _to.

It makes me think about what would happen to our relationship if it stepped beyond the bonds of friendship. I don't want to take the chance and mess something up, but it's killing me to go through things as they are right now. All I've got going for me at this point is my intuition and sheer will.

I just hope that they won't leave me vulnerable so I wound up breaking in the end.


	24. Goodnight Bad Morning

**24; goodnight bad morning**

When I woke up the next morning, I had a horrible crick in my neck. My back was so stiff I could barely move any part of my body without feeling some sort of pain. I had never made it back to my room the night before and ended up falling asleep at the window. I groaned as I tried to get my eyes to focus.

I looked over my shoulder at the clock and saw that it was just after ten. I turned to look out the window again, pushing back the window drapes. The sky was dark, hazy and grey, probably a sign of impending rain. I got out of the chair and stumbled across the living room, yawning the entire way as I headed back to my room.

Axel was still asleep. He was in no way visible in the barricade of sheets, but his light snoring and the steady rise and fall of the covers indicated that he was still alive. A vibrating sound to the right of me broke my reverie. It was coming from my pants. I crossed the length of my room as quietly as I could to go and retrieve my pants from where I had put them last night.

The minute I went to go and pick them up, my phone clattered to the floor and I cursed loudly under my breath as I bent down to go and pick it up. I looked up at Axel instantly and saw that he hadn't changed his position at all. I turned my back to him and clicked a button randomly and saw that I had a new voice mail message from someone. It was from Zexion.

_Roxas, I'll keep this short because Demyx and I have to get ready to give a press conference in a few. _

_If possible, don't leave your house unless you absolutely have to. The press managed to find out where Axel was staying when they realized he wasn't with us, and there will most likely be a crowd forming outside your apartment building as I speak. Yes, I am aware that the weather is …not particularly in their favor today, but you know how relentless they may be. If it gets bad, call me and I'll have some people sent over. For now, just tell Axel to take it easy and I'll call you later on this afternoon. _

_Oh, and Demyx says to tell Axel, "Don't sweat it. It was nothing." _

I listened to the message again, before texting a quick reply back to Zexion. I flipped the phone shut again, and turned to look at Axel. He had shifted position so that his right arm was hanging off the bed, but was still snoring away. I set my phone down on my dresser and walked out of my room and in the direction of the kitchen. I made myself my usual cup of coffee and wandered off to the study.

As I passed by Sora's room on my way to the study I could hear Sora's muffled laughter coming from underneath the door. Riku said something in response, but his voice was quieter. I shook my head, and blanched at the mental thought of what the two of them were doing. I quickly passed by Sora's door and entered the study and sat down at the computer.

Once the computer loaded up, I clicked on Firefox and sipped at my coffee while I waited for the browser to load. I hesitated briefly before reaching for the keyboard and typing in the first site that came to mind. As soon as the site loaded up, I groaned loudly to myself and rubbed my left hand against my cheek. The most recent report was just as Zexion had said in his message; they knew where Axel was staying.

**Hiding Out In His Lover's Closet!  
Filed under: Axel Ramirez, Roxas Ardenwell, Gay Gay Gay**

_Just in! It's just been spilled that __**Axel **__is reportedly staying at __**RoxANNE**__'s house while __**Demyx**__ and __**Zexion**__ take care of the media hail storm that's developed due to the fight that broke out at last night's release party. Hope __**RoxANNE**__'s taking good care of his man and nursing that broken hand back to proper health! Organization XIII is set to play on Warped Tour this summer, and we'd hate to see them back out due to this little mishap._

Lovely, I have now gone from _Roxas _to fucking _Roxanne_.

I gritted my teeth in irritation as I scrolled down the page. The entire first half of the second page was littered with nothing but documentation about last night's fight. There was a picture of Axel and I leaving the loft and getting into the ambulance, Marluxia being handcuffed and brought out of the loft and lastly Zexion, Demyx, Axel and I leaving the hospital late last night.

I sighed as I dully read the reports on the rest of the page. When I lost interest with the daily tabloids, I slouched down into the computer chair and spun away from the computer as I drank the rest of my coffee. The mist had thickened outside of the window, as water droplets splattered down its length. The door to Sora's bedroom creaked open and I turned to look over my shoulder to see Sora walking out of the room and into the hallway. He was holding hands with Riku, and smiling broadly, but instantly stiffened when he saw me. Riku sounded like he was laughing after he mumbled something to Sora and walked back off down the hallway.

"I'll pretend I didn't see anything if you want me to." I said lowly, turning back to look out the window. I smirked into my cup, as I finished off the rest of my coffee. Seriously, who did Sora think he was fooling anymore?

"Shush." Sora said. I could hear him getting flustered, "What are you doing up so early, anyway?"

"Couldn't sleep." I shrugged, spinning the chair around to look at him. "I'm not tired anyway."

"Where's Axel?" Sora asked.

"Still sleeping." I muttered. "I think they gave him enough pain killers to knock out a grown horse." I shook my head, "I'll let him wake up on his own accord."

"Hm …" Sora crossed his arms, and looked up at me. He entered the study and sat down on a chair opposite mine. "So can you tell me exactly what happened last night? All the news really said was that there was a fight and that Axel had to go to the hospital." He shook his head, "Someone got arrested though?"

"That would be Marluxia." I said, looking down at my coffee mug.

"Who's that?"

"Axel's psychotic ex-band mate." I ran my fingers along the edge of the coffee mug, "He's …a bit of a stalker."

Sora raised an eyebrow at me. "What?"

I looked up at the ceiling and sighed, "I don't know if he wants me talking about it. You'd be better off asking Axel for the story." I shrugged, "But to put it into general terms, Marluxia is insane."

"Ooohh, so the two of you are sharing secrets now?" Sora leaned in, crossing his arms and lowering his eyebrows as he gazed at me with an expression halfway between sly and suspicious. "I _told _you you'd warm up to Axel. It was just a matter of time."

"Sure," I muttered, standing up. "Just like everyone said you'd go one step beyond of warming up to Riku?"

He stood up in an instant and leaned forward to put his hands over my mouth, "_SHUSH_ YOU!" I looked at him incredulously, but said nothing and shrugged. When he dropped his hands from my mouth he shot a look at me, and then leaned out into the hallway. Sora put his hands on his hips. "It's …not that obvious is it?" He managed to squeak out.

"…No more obvious than the fact that you have blue eyes or cinnamon colored hair." When he crossed his arms, and pressed his thumb against his cheek in thought, I shrugged my shoulders again, "It doesn't matter to me either way. I'm not going to judge you for it. If you want to know the truth, I'd prefer you be with Riku than Kairi any day."

"You too, huh?"

"Not that I didn't like Kairi, she was a nice person …it's just …" I crossed my arms. Who the hell was I to be giving out romance advice to my twin? I could barely stand to be around Axel for two minutes without wanting to go and jump his bones or something… else that was along that same line of thought. "…You two fit. You smile more with Riku than anybody I've ever seen you with."

He smiled softly at what I said. "Is this supposed to be your way of saying you approve of my relationship with Riku?"

I shrugged, "If you want to think so."

"Well thanks." He said. He looked down at the floor then up at me, "Roxas?"

"Yes?" I asked as I went to sit back down in the computer chair to turn the computer off.

"…Have you ever thought about when you'll find someone again?"

I looked over my shoulder at him for a moment, lowered my gaze away from him and then closed my eyes as I faced the computer screen again. I shrugged, "When I meet someone interesting enough to hold my interest." I said. If only Sora had known that I'd already found him.

Sora looked down sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head. He cocked his head to the side, "Are …you hungry at all?"

"Not now." I looked away from him to the window again. "I'm going to go take a shower, alright? If Axel wakes up or something, just …"

"I got it covered." Sora gave me the thumbs up. "I'm going to go make us all a really big breakfast, alright? A big fiesta or something! Oh, it's been awhile since I've gotten to make something somewhat extravagant. I think I'll need a couple of cookbooks and …"

"Knock yourself out, Sora." I brushed past him as he began to sift through some books behind the both of us.

Riku was standing in the kitchen on his phone and waved at me when he saw me heading down hallway. I reciprocated the wave and headed back into my room. Axel was still sleeping. I tiptoed around my room to grab a pair of clothes to change into and went into the bathroom. Twenty minutes later when I came out of the shower, Axel was hanging off the side of my bed, eyes staring straight at the ceiling. The minute I came into the room, his eyes darted over to me. I pulled the towel off of my wet head, and rolled it up in my arms.

"What time is it?" He asked me.

I looked at the clock on my nightstand. "Eleven thirty."

He yawned widely, and groaned. "Shit."

"Well, you were right about one thing." I said walking over to the window by the far end of my room. I pulled back the curtains and peered out of the rain splattered glass, and could barely make out a few cars parked on the opposite side of the building. "They found you alright."

He rolled out of my bed and followed up beside me, leaning a little bit too close for comfort, "I figured as much." He shrugged, "Whatever, I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon."

I sidestepped from in front of him and walked around him. I picked the towel off of the chair again and started to towel my hair down, "Sora's cooking breakfast. He's throwing a fiesta, he says."

Axel laughed lowly, "Fiesta?"

"Those were his exact words." I shook my head, letting the towel drop into my hands again. I turned to look at him over my shoulder. "…How's your hand?"

"Well, now that those pain meds have worn off, it very well hurts like a bitch." He looked at his left hand. "…Hey, it'll hold up. It's suffered worse abuse than this."

I cocked my head to the side. "Have you broken it before?"

He nodded, "I told you before. I used to be a pretty unruly kid. Maybe I'll tell you about it one day." He laughed again, though there was nothing funny about his tone.

I crossed my arms, looking away from him.

"Something on your mind?" He asked from behind me.

I looked at his reflection in the mirror. He was sitting on my bed with his legs crossed and rummaging around in his bag. I turned to look at him. "We've got time for a story."

He looked at me, "Hm?"

"Well, tell me about it." I looked away briefly, going over to my bedroom door and closing it. I walked over to the bed and sat down on it. "You brought it up so now is as good as ever."

"It's a little early. I just woke up and I'm not in the mood for story time right now." He looked at me, "What if I promised you later? After Sora's fiesta?"

"Deal."

He stood up, "Well, alright then …" He turned around to look at me, "Now, could you kindly point me in the direction of the linen closet? I'd kind of like to take a shower."

I shook my head, pointing at his hand. "You can't get the sutures wet until after a 24 hour period."

"It'll be—" He started, but I cut him off.

"No," I opened the door to my bedroom, "You stay right here and don't you dare move." I exited my room and walked down the hallway where Sora was playing music while cooking his …extravagant fiesta. I knocked on the wall and he turned around to look at me.

"Going somewhere?" He asked, looking at my ensemble.

"No, I need rubber gloves." I shook my head.

"…What for?" Sora asked, eyebrows furrowing.

"Axel." I answered.

Sora looked at me for a moment, his curious expression did not let up. He moved away from the sink briefly. "They should be in the cabinet. There's an unopened pack, take those."

I knelt down next to Sora and opened the doors to the cabinets underneath the sink. I brushed past various cleaning solutions, rags and dish cleaning products to find the gloves. I popped them open and threw the plastic into the garbage can, and headed back to my room and closed the door behind me.

Axel was sitting cross legged on my bed, looking at his phone. He looked back at me with curious eyes. "Cleaning something, Roxy?"

I held out the glove for his left hand, "No, this is so you won't get your hand wet."

"Creative solution." He laughed. He took the rubber glove from me with his good hand and looked at it, "How is this going to work?"

"The only fingers you have immobilized are your pinky and your ring finger, right? So just put your other three fingers in the first three holes and fit your other two into this hole. Just put the glove on and you'll see."

After various tries to get his ring and pink fingers to fit into the one hole, Axel groaned and looked at me. "You try putting it on, I can't get this shit to fit correctly." He said, after holding out his hand.

"It _should _fit. It's one size fits most. Look, just push a little. You have skinny fingers …you should be able to fit them into the hole even if they are bound …" I sat down on the bed next to Axel, keeping enough distance between us so that I was able to tug on the glove, but no part of me touched him.

"Is this the only possible solution you can come up with?" He asked, as he held the glove down for me to tug.

"I don't see _you _coming up with a solution." I turned to look at him, "Now _push._"

"I **am **pushing!" He protested.

"Well push _harder_!" I yelled back. After some more tugging and pushing, I loosened my grip on his hand.

"Well?"

"This feels weird, but I think you've got it to a point where they won't slip out." He said, wiggling his fingers. He looked over at me and shrugged, "Well, whatever."

I went over to my door, and was about to open it when I heard the shuffling of feet and thumping against the door. I pressed my ear against the door and listened in on the voices talking outside.

_Sora, they're not doing what you think they're doing._

_Well it _**sounds **_that way! _

…_I think they stopped talking. _

_Well then move and get your big butt out of the way, Riku!_

Something crashed to the floor and I winced. I cracked open the door, and poked my head outside. Sora was bent over the floor, with his hands over his head, shaking his head at something. Riku was standing opposite him, looking down at the floor and Soro was busy running around in circles between the two of them. On the floor was a lamp, the cord pulled out and laid broken in front of my room. I looked at the lamp and then at Riku and then Sora.

"What the hell are you two _doing _out here?" I asked.

Sora looked up at me from underneath his hands. He looked at Riku and then cracked a hesitant smile. "Um …" He looked at Soro who looked at him innocently. "Soro knocked the lamp over."

"Soro …" I looked at the small dog who was now making her way over to me, and then disbelievingly continued, "…knocked the lamp over?"

"Yeah." Sora said, sitting up. "Um …"

"Soro got out of control, and we knocked over the lamp in the process of trying to get her to calm down." Riku covered for Sora, shaking his head.

"It was an accident?" Sora asked, cheerfully, his blue eyes bright. "Um …"

Axel opened the door wider, and I moved to the side so he could see what was going on. He looked at the lamp, and then grinned at Sora. "Didn't your mom ever tell you not to run in the house?"

Sora stood up and laughed, "Yeah, but I never listened." He grinned, "Morning, Axel. How's your hand?"

He held up his gloved left hand and wiggled some of his fingers. "Roxy's got it covered."

Riku shot Sora a look that clearly said, _I told you so, _and Sora looked away as he brushed his hands off on his apron. He walked off down the hallway and around the corner, and Sora stuck his tongue out at Riku briefly before turning back to us.

He leaned over to gather the pieces of the lamp up in his arms, and then looked down at Soro who was wagging her tail and looking up at Sora. "Well! I have to get back to cooking breakfast!" He looked at Soro, "Come on girl, let's get you back to, um, away from this lamp." He toddled away without another word.

I sighed, shaking my head and opened the closet by my door. I pulled out a sangria colored towel and handed it off to Axel. I opened the bathroom door and motioned for him to follow. I pushed back the shower curtain and pointed forward, "This is technically _my _bathroom, so listen up. If you're going to fuck around with the shower setting, make sure to set it back to how I had it, alright? Utilize the bath rug and don't waste my entire bottle of Dove shampoo and conditioner if and when you wash your hair."

"…Dove, Roxy?" He asked, grinning at me.

I crossed my arms "…Shut it, it smells nice."

He laughed, as I muttered under my breath and closed the door behind me. A few minutes later I heard clothing being shed and the shower being started. I pressed two fingers to my forehead and groaned inwardly as I could feel my cheeks start to heat up. Axel was naked in my house. Yes, I suppose some inner …part of me wanted to jump around and leap for joy or something equally as stupid. However, I am, or so I'd like to _think, _am above such things. Besides, it's not like …I could _do _anything. My mind has entirely gone to the gutter, hasn't it? Yes, it has.

I walked back into my room and picked up my towel and folded it in half. My hair was damp, and I decided to let it air dry. While Sora was cooking breakfast and Axel was off in the shower, I occupied myself with Paperboy on my phone. Axel came back into my room nearly a half hour later, with his head down and his hands submerged inside the towel. He pulled the towel down over his head and flipped his head back, sending water splaying every which way. I wiped a few droplets off my nose and glared at him.

He grinned in return, running a hand through his darkened red hair so that it fell out of his face, "…I'll give it to you. The Dove does smell nice."

"I know it does." I muttered, going back to looking down at my phone.

"So modest, Roxy." He held up the towel, "Where should I put this?"

"Just …" I looked around. I got off my bed, laying the phone down and opened my arms. "I'll take it."

He handed me the towel, and reached for the glove on his hand, tugging it gentle until it popped off. "You know, Roxy. You're making me feel like you're my personal nurse or something." He laughed, "…I think I know why I drove you insane so much when you first met me."

"Who says you still don't drive me insane?" I said, folding the towel over in my arms. I reached for my own and raised my eyebrows at him.

"I know I probably do." Axel grinned, as he sat down on my bed again and reached over to the nightstand for his phone, scrutinizing it. "But …you obviously find me tolerable; otherwise I wouldn't be here right now, would I?"

No, he wouldn't. I shook my head. "I'm going to go put these off in the hamper, I'll be right back."

I walked out of my room and down the hallway into Sora's bathroom where the hamper was and dropped the towels off into the sack. I was about to enter my room when I heard Axel talking on the phone. I stopped short of the door and pressed myself against the wall.

"…No, better question …what?" He had his back to me, pacing the room. He stopped, bringing his weight down on his right leg, and cross his left arm over his chest. "Uh huh? Yeah? Well, no. Look, there's no point for us to back out of any shows, my hand will be fine. …Yeah, tell them we're _not _backing out. …It'll be fine." He started pacing again. "Yeah …yes, we're _going _on Warped Tour. _YES, _Demyx. The regular tour will have to be pushed back for a few weeks, just to give us time for recuperation or whatever. I'll talk to Cid about it sometime this week. …Um …just deny it. Yeah. No, there's …there's nothing going on between us, you know that, Dem. Yeah I know the rumors are flying like crazy … Roxas is my little …wait, _what? _Perez called him _what_? Are you serious? Wow …well then again, that guy is pretty unoriginal. …_ Pretending _we were a couple? You know, he'd never agree to that."

He started laughing now, "Why pretend? I'd rather it be serious than pretend. Hypothetically? I wouldn't mind dating, Roxy. He's cute …downright adorable even. Once you get to know him he's not as much of an asshole as people think. He's just …afraid of getting hurt, you know? He's sensitive, but he doesn't like to show it. Besides, Ansem would _really _kill me if I did that. I don't think Roxas would ever agree to it though, he'd probably castrate me first. He sort of gives off an asexual vibe …"

My heart instantly stopped for about two seconds. I'm pretty sure if I had a mirror in front of me, I would have seen myself go cross eyed and melt right there on the spot.

"What if he did? Well …I don't really know what I'd do. …I wouldn't want to force him into anything. But enough about my pretend romance with Roxy." He laughed again. "So you want me to come home tomorrow then? I was kind of thinking the same thing. Yeah, it is crazy …uh, well I guess you should go then. Good luck then!" He sighed as he clicked the phone off. Before I could step into my room, Axel was stepping out. He nearly collided with me, and held one arm out to catch me when I nearly fell forward. "Roxas, what have I told you about falling for me?"

I stared up at him, trying my best to muster a glare without feeling the need to melt right then and there. "I'd rather break my neck first."

Lies, lies, liaaaarrr.

"Ouch." He laughed, brushing past me as soon as I got to my feet.

"Stop leaking water everywhere!" I went to the linen closet to throw a small dry towel at him.

He caught the towel, and wrapped it around his head, squeezing out the water still trapped in. Axel turned to look at me when he caught me staring at him. "Well, do I have something on my face?" He asked, smirking at me.

I shook my head, lowering my gaze, pretty sure by now that my cheeks were really on fire. "No, it's just weird seeing your hair as it is right now."

Axel ran a hand through the dark red mess. His hair ended a few centimeters past his collar bones, and wet as it was right now, looked like a wild untamable mess. He laughed. "That's what everyone says."

I left him in the bathroom and went back into my room. A few minutes later he came back with his hair combed and pulled back into a ponytail. No sooner than he had come back in, Sora was calling all three of us for breakfast.

Sora had really outdone himself. I don't think I've ever seen him make so much food before except on holidays or some special event. The four of us ate breakfast in the living room watching some random game show on the Game Show Network. Sora and Axel liked to play a game of who could shout the wrong answer faster, leaving Riku unable to eat his food without laughing and I stuck to mumbling the answer when they both got the answer to the question wrong.

After breakfast the rain had let up significantly and Sora dragged Riku off grocery shopping once he learned that Axel wasn't going home today. Just as he left the house, he told us: "If you think **breakfast **was good, wait until you see what I have in store for dinner!" Sora has always had a habit of going overboard with cooking whenever we have people over.

So that left me and Axel alone in the house for God knows how long. As soon as they left, Axel and I situated ourselves across from each other on the sofa. Axel was laying one way, with his socked feet brushing against my knees. I had scrunched myself into a corner, a book balanced in my lap. His right arm was hanging off the side of the couch and his injured hand was loosely wrapped around the remote.

I bit my lip in thought, and then turned to look expectantly at Axel. "Well?"

"Hm?" He looked up at me.

"We had a deal, didn't we?" I asked.

"Ahhh, you want story time now, huh?" He adjusted his posture, pushing himself up slowly. "Well, alright."

I closed my book and set it off to the side as he put the TV on mute. He took out his ponytail, shook his hair free and pulled it back again. It had dried awkwardly as he tried to press stray pieces down. He shrugged when it didn't stay, and leaned back up so that he was still somewhat propped up and looking at me.

"…It's time I reciprocate the favor and air some of my dirty laundry, anyway."

I looked at him questionably.

"Well going back a few months or so, you didn't necessarily have a say in me coming into your life, did you?" He leaned forward, "I'm sure being around you for such a long time, I've found out some things about you that you'd rather I didn't."

He was right.

"So I think it's time I let you in on some of my past." He scratched his cheek, "Though, you must know, I'm terrible at starting stories…"

"You seem to do it just fine when you're with me."

"Well, _personally _I think I start stories off terribly." He tapped his chin, "But anyway, here we go. A lot of shrinks will probably tell you it's what happened in my childhood that set me down the path I was on. My father passed away when I was really young, I don't remember him too well and then there was my mother. She was a woman who shouldn't have …_been _a mother. She was too young, she wasn't ready." He shook his head. "She wasn't any more fit taking care of us than she was herself. Some say it was the stress of taking care of Reno and I all alone that caused her to snap, others say it was that coupled with my father's death that really drove her off the end. It wasn't like she couldn't have asked for help, though. I mean …it wasn't like my grandparents weren't willing to help her out with anything. They'd give the world to help us and yet my mother …never …really looked to them for anything. Living with her was like living with a ticking time bomb, any little thing you did could set her off." He paused to look at me, "I'll spare you some of the details of what she did. Some of it might make you sick. Still got some scars from it though. Mental and physical."

I self consciously reached a hand over my shoulder, to rub at my back at a faint reminder of certain scars Xemnas had left me with.

He looked back up at the ceiling, "Anyway, when she'd calm down enough to realize what she had done, she would instantly try to coddle us and apologize. After about three or so years of this, Reno and I were finally put into the care of our grandparents, and our mother lost custody of us."

I shifted slightly when my back started to hurt from staying stagnant for so long.

"That's when I started acting out a lot. I think I was either ten or eleven when it started. I got into a lot of fights in my early teenage years. I just kept picking fights with people for absolutely no reason at all. My grandparents tried to help me and sent me to go see a certain children's therapist. Someone you should know."

"…You saw _Ansem_?" I asked in disbelief.

"For six months when I was eleven. It was in the fall or something." He leaned back, "They sent me back to him when I was sixteen, but we'll get to that soon."

"…Were you eleven in 1995?" I asked.

"Yeah …?" He asked, getting more confused.

I paused, "I saw him around the same time when I was a kid. I was seven."

"Small world, then. Who knows, maybe we might have met on one account and don't even remember it." He said, smirking. "You know he's rumored to be one of the best therapists in New York City. He's good with adults, too, but his best work is definitely with children." Axel muttered, crossing his arms. "Anyway, due to my …obsessive need to fight people, I broke my left hand twice—counting last night as my second—and I fractured my right hand so badly when I was fourteen, I had to get a metal plate put in." He stuck his hand out, "Go ahead, feel on it."

I looked at him, then at his hand and pressed down on it. It was rock solid, "That's …kind of creepy."

"Dem and Zex hate traveling with me in the airport cause because I set the metal detectors off sometimes. Makes for interesting conversation, if you must know." He grinned. "Anyway, as a means of 'controlling' my rage, Ansem suggested that I get something to occupy my time. My grandfather went out and got me my very first guitar, and of course, I've been playing it ever since." He paused, in thought. "Other than fighting, I had a tiny bit of an obsession with fire and it got me into trouble …_a lot _of trouble. I nearly burned my grandparents house down at the age of thirteen and set fire to any entire chemistry lab when I was sixteen, burnt down the classroom, and got expelled. I _was _threatened with juvi, but they just put me on house arrest for three months. I got shipped off to Ansem for another year and they gave me one hundred and fifty hours worth of community service. The day I got off my house arrest was the day that that we got signed…and then the rest is history. I got my GED a few months before Marluxia, Demyx and Zexion graduated and then well …here I am today…"

"I tell myself the same thing …" I murmured a bit too loudly.

"Hm?"

I shook my head, "It's nothing." I looked at him, and focused on his green eyes. Here was Axel, someone who had been through as much as I had in the short course of his life and yet he was able to turn himself around and get himself back on track. Makes me think, perhaps we're not as different as I once thought. Less than stellar childhoods, rebellious teenage years and now as an adult, it was time you got your shit together. …Progression was inevitable.

"…I've got another story you might want to hear." Axel said abruptly.

I raised my eyebrows at him. "I'm listening."

"Well, last year after we wrapped up the Red Carpet Tour last summer, Demyx, Zexion and I had a mutual agreement to take a little hiatus of sorts. Take a break from the music industry for a little while and just focus on our more personal lives. Demyx took that as an invitation to turn his world into a non-stop party and Zexion's been spending a lot of time off by himself just doing …whatever Zexion does. I didn't know how I would spend my time …but know I wanted to do something." He closed his eyes, "I spent a lot of time in an older brother, older sister like program for all sorts of kids during my community service sentence. Rich kids, poor kids, troubled kids, sick kids, you name it, and they had it." He smiled softly, "It was nice actually. You come to learn that we all come from different walks of life but we share similar problems. I think a lot of people forget that in this day and age." Axel shook his head, "Anyway, after that, I …kind of got interested in psychology and all that social work type stuff. In my spare time away from band related events, took some courses and got involved in some social work kind of stuff."

I think I saw where this was going.

He grinned, "Well, when this hiatus came around, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I missed the type of work I had done as a teenager and I wanted to help out kids in any way I could. You know, steering them away from the path that I had taken in life so they didn't end up screwing up as badly as I did. I actually called up Ansem for some references and he in turn asked me if I would be interested in taking on a _different_ sort of work." He pointed at me, "Turns out Ansem got a call from an old patient's brother right around the time I had called him. It was a …_delicate_ case he told me. This kid was in fact _older _than what I was accustomed to working with but, once I met up with his brother and talked it over between him and Ansem, I became his live-in."

I rolled my eyes, "Obviously you're talking about me."

He shrugged, grinning widely. "How all of this worked out is kind of strange, Rox, but it happens, you know? Honestly, I've heard of you know …care takers and all for people are aren't able to look after themselves, but nothing that Ansem had planned out for you when you got out of the hospital last November. I weighed the pros and cons of being involved with you. But, Ansem seemed to appreciate the fact that I, like you, know what it's like to be in the spotlight and thought that would make it easier for you to change? I don't exactly remember what he said. And, hey, I had no clue I was in for such a beautiful abusive relationship when I met you. It really made me reevaluate my own life."

"And what'd you discover?"

"…It had everything but a surly, blonde, barely five foot heir in it. You were the perfect addition." He answered with extreme confidence.

"I just gained another tall idiot." I said, folding my arms.

"Yup, definitely the perfect addition." He laughed again and sighed heavily. "But you should know something, actually …" Axel started, his voice a bit heavy. He turned to me, leaning forward, "…Ansem will probably tell you this when he sees you next but …"

"Come on, spit it out."

"We sort of only have a month left together."

"What are you talking about?"

"Ansem feels like you don't need me anymore. You know that he blames himself for springing me on you when he did, but, look at how things have turned out. His main focus with pairing me with you was to get you to break out of your shell and address the issues in your life you kept pushing away. He says my …_infectious … _personality can either attract people, push them away or drive them over the edge, but we won't get into that. He thinks that you're able to take care of yourself now. Or at the very least, he trusts that you won't pull anything to drastic on him … or any of us for that matter."

"Suicide." I said bluntly.

"Well, yeah …" Axel shook his hands, wincing further, "…but I was trying to avoid using that word." He crossed his arms again, "After June I'm going to be away on Warped Tour for the majority of July, and then …" He gazed up at the ceiling in thought.

"Then?"

"We're doing a Eruoasia tour to finish out the year. It starts in early autumn and ends just before Christmas. Granted we have a break between the end of July and the beginning of October, but that'll most likely be used for promotion time and practice." He muttered.

Well this was …this was entirely, utterly, completely and absolutely the worst possible news that I had heard in a long time, a very …very long time.

_It doesn't mean that we can't still be friends, Roxas …hell, you're too much fun to ever forget. Too hard to forget, really._

I …

_It …just means that my job as your live-in …is …coming to a close. _

After June, Axel would be literally _gone _for the rest of the year. I turned to look at him. He was talking, but I couldn't hear the words. His voice seemed to drown out as I became absorbed in my thoughts. I had a little under a month and a half left with him. I'd have to act if I wanted us to go somewhere. But I just wasn't ready yet …

Let's lay out the facts.

Axel was my friend, possibly my best friend at this moment in time. I was …I wouldn't say I was exactly in love with him, but I cared about him and I had formed a pretty strong attachment to him. For one, I was taking into account what he said early today. Yes, it was _hypothetically _but …hypothetically is usually a cover up for a real circumstance. …Or maybe I was just being stupid and deluding myself into what I _wanted _to hear Axel say, not what he actually meant.

The media, for one, would …I don't know how they would receive us as a couple actually. Axel had long ago outed himself as being bisexual … or just sexual for that manner. I don't think he really cared that people knew that his sexual preferences were all over the map. I, on the other hand, have kept my love life hidden from mostly everyone that I know. Theres always some gossip in the media about how all the Ardenwell boys are gay and that every girl we've dated—or like I said lack thereof—is just a 'cover up'. You know there's a study that says the more older brothers a boy has, the more likely he'll turn out to be gay? I'm the last born boy.

Go figure.

God, this was harder than I thought. And on a little side note, as stupid as this sounds, deep down inside, my frigid libido came to life whenever I thought about doing more than playing tonsil hockey with Axel. You know, I can …completely see myself appreciating the tongue ring in the future for some odd reason.

_Roxas, are you even listening?_

I turned to look at him, and he leaned forward. "What?"

He retracted away from me and shook his head. "You were spacing out." He's expression turned a bit somber, "…You're not …mad are you?"

"Why would I be?" I asked, crossing my arms. "You have other obligations besides me."

"You're not an obligation." Axel murmured, his eyebrows drawing inwardly, if not a bit angrily, "Don't ever think of yourself as such." He trailed off, eyebrows still drawn tightly together.

I needed to go somewhere to think, and being in the living room with Axel wasn't helping any. I stood up out of the chair, and put on my best act. "I'm going to go take a nap, if you don't mind." I glanced at the clock, lowering my eyes. "…I didn't really sleep in the most comfortable of places last night and I'm kind of getting tired right now."

"Alright." Axel's eyebrows relaxed and he stared at me for a moment, "Are you sure you're okay?"

I paused by the hallway that led to my bedroom. I turned around and nodded at him, "Just fine."

Liar.


	25. Rollercoaster

**25; rollercoaster**

I buried myself underneath the sheets of my bed for the rest of Sunday afternoon. My mind was in a dither as I drifted in and out of consciousness. All my thoughts were simply racing back and forth.

Firstly, who would have known? Axel's childhood seemed to be no less shitty than my own. Apart from his somewhat bad temper that's seemed to carry on into who he is today; he's seemed to have dealt with what happened on his own terms and moved on with his life. We were alike in more ways than I realized.

Axel checked on me a couple of times during the rest of the day. He finally got me out of bed when Sora was finished cooking his 'extravagant' dinner which could have been a three course meal, considering the amount of food he had cooked. Well, he definitely wouldn't be doing any cooking for the rest of the week.

Things with Axel and I went back to normal the following day. The uneasy, mellowed out feeling gave way to Axel's usual charm and rambunctious nature. He was out and about, doing what he usually did, and I went back to being sarcastic Roxas. …Sarcastic _love sick _Roxas, that is.

Jeez. He would be gone …in a _month_.

Axel would fall out of my life just as he had entered it. A fleeting whirlwind that came and managed to fix nearly everything that had been going wrong. Now it was going to leave everything in shambles as they had been before. I was being prompted to act and therein laid my need to take charge.

The house was finally cleared of our guests on Monday afternoon. Axel finally went back downtown because the media storm had died down and Riku had some photo shoot to attend to. Sora was disappointed there was no one left in the house to make huge dishes for, so he cheered himself up by baking cakes like nobody's business. Hell, he shipped Axel off with a complete Angel Food Cake one day.

It was time for me to do some research. Yes, I know, leave it to me to research relationships like they're some type of school topic. How many times must I repeat myself, I'm _sexually _frigid, damn it.

First, I researched books. I came across a lot of material, but nothing seemed to help any. There was this interesting one though called **101 Nights of Grrreat Romance: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples**. Mmm, fun-loving couples? What if you're a sadistic couple? Would you still be able to seduce each other properly? Why was I even _thinking _about seducing him? For Christ sakes, I was just trying to tell him that I **liked **him, not seduce him. Though seduction …might be appreciated in the long run.

I can't seem to get myself out of the gutter.

After books had failed me, I went online, but every site that I went to basically told me the same thing. Watch for body language; listen to the way they address you, how close can you get to them without having them draw away from you, do they talk about you and to you all the time and no one else?

Why the _hell _was there so many rules for finding out if someone liked you or not? Maybe I should just write the following out on a piece of paper: "Axel, won't you please be my tall gay flaming knight in shining rainbow armor and whisk me away on a gay magical adventure so that we may romp and—" …I command my imagination to stop there, this is demeaning.

I got to put some 'research' into effect in the following week, though.

Axel didn't mind being touched by me; _I _was the one that always pulled away from him. It wasn't particularly easy for me to redress his sutured hand with gauze when I was always pulling away from him in an attempt to keep distance between us. I did the same thing when we sat on the couch. We never sat side by side anymore. Axel was usually stretched along the length of the couch, his feet usually at my side while I was scrunched into a ball at the other side, always wary to keep a small space between his feet and where they would touch my upper thigh.

He would probably be thinking something like, "Oh, I'm just invading Roxy's personal space bubble." Or something equally …Axel like.

Axel always kept eye contact with me unless he was thinking or doing something else during a conversation. I don't really know what to make of that, because as far as I know he keeps eye contact with just about everyone he talks to. That is unless they're annoying him …and I have a little bit of experience with that. Otherwise, he always smiles a lot and laughs when he's with me …but I think that's just a part of Axel's personality.

Either way, his body language did little to help me in any way. That eventually led me to establish that _I _needed to make the first move. You must know I'm not too well versed on the whole …asking someone out thing. Hayner? He took the initiative to claim me in the possessive way that he did. I mean, I had that little relationship going on with Naminé when I was in my early teens, but that …in and of itself was awkward and didn't last for very long.

Apart from Axel, who took up ninety nine percent of my thought capacity, I had other thoughts on my mind. For instance, I still hadn't seen my father and talked to him about his business proposal to me. I'd been mulling it over in my head for days and I had finally come to my conclusion. I went up to my parent's house the following weekend and sat down to talk to my father about what I had decided.

I established with him that I would take up the business later in the year because it wasn't one of my main priorities at the moment. We, however, did settle that by the end of the summer and somewhere in the beginning of autumn, I'd be working alongside him. It was a compromise. For once in my life I had something set in concrete instead of a fleeting ideal.

Like Axel. If I didn't do something soon about Axel, he would become a fleeting ideal.

…I needed to focus on Axel …

Shit.

xXx

"I heard you had a rather busy week."

"I'm used to it by now." I shrugged.

"Ah …" Ansem said, drawing a hand underneath his chin in thought.

I wanted to cut right to the chase. "Axel told me about your decision."

"I figured he might have." Ansem began, closing his eyes and shaking his head. "And what do you think about it?"

I gritted my teeth, "First off, I think it would have been nice if I had had a say in the matter before the two of you decided anything." I crossed my arms, "But then again, _you're_ the expert."

"You are angry."

I closed my eyes, raising my eyebrows and lowering my head slightly to my chest, "No, I'm just irritated …"

"Why?"

I opened my eyes to look at him, "Because," I started, but didn't bother to finish.

What I wanted to say was …you're taking away the one source of normality in my life.

The only person _since _I met Hayner, that hasn't judged me before he even knew me. A person who was able to show me the better things in life, who was able to treat me as an individual, rather than some delicate piece of glass that was bound to break at any moment.

Yeah, he pushed my buttons, but those buttons needed to be pressed because everyone else was too fucking scared to do it. I …I can't …do this in a month. It feels like I've had these feelings for forever, but I …I don't know if I can work up enough courage to do it in a month. You say that I've changed, Ansem, but …god, why isn't this change helping me now?

Ansem relaxed into his chair, "I …presume you have reasons but you do not wish to voice them to me, and that …is alright." Ansem sighed, "…I cannot control this situation anymore than you wish to. Axel does have other parts of his life that he needs to attend to. Even though he has been with you for quite some time …a time that felt like it was bound to go on forever, it must now come to an end."

But I don't want it to.

"It does not signify that this is the end of your time being with one another, or in the company of the other. It simply means that while your roads may now be going on in different directions, you still will be walking side by side, except …not on the same road anymore." He looked up at me, "Do you understand?"

"Yeah." I answered, running my hand through my hair irritably. To put it in less Ansem-ified terms, Axel was resuming his normal schedule of being Mr. Rock Star while I had a job to resume as Less Fucked Up Little Rich Boy. We would still be able to stay friends, but our relationship as live-in and patient …or whatever the hell I was …was over.

"You do not sound too convinced." Ansem sighed, "Roxas, this is just about as hard for you as it is for Axel. He's grown quite attached to what he refers to as his 'emotionally stunted midget', a terminology you may later …discuss …with him. He was …rather—**is**—adamant about leaving you. I've come to understand that he cares about you …perhaps _beyond _the bonds of what he really should."

…What was Ansem _saying_?

"I know that it would agonize him …to hear that something had happened to you while he was away." Ansem looked back to me, a soft smile on his face, his eyes crinkling, "Perhaps I should start doing this with some of my other patients. Perhaps they would find a friend in someone else like you've found a friend in Axel. Some stability in their lives. It's a wondrous thing, Roxas. Having a friend to lean on when times get rough. There are a lot of lonely people in this world …and many of us are blessed to have but one friend or person that we may turn to in times when …we feel lost."

"…It's going to feel strange without him being around all the time." I said, reclining a bit.

"It will for quite a long time …" Ansem said, nodding his head. "But for the time being, just enjoy the time that you have together. I can promise you nothing else; you must make the best out of the time that you still have left with each other."

"…I know." I murmured. I looked out of the window behind me and down to where the lush green trees were swaying gently in the wind.

Flower petals were beginning to fall.

Time was running out.

xXx

On the first Monday of June, Axel was set to go back to the hospital.

Axel stretched, yawning loudly. "You don't know how happy I am to finally be able to get these shits taken out." He murmured, holding his left hand out in front of him. It was finally time for him to get his sutures taken out and to check the progress of how his hand had healed. He looked up at me. "You've done a spectacular job of looking after me, my dear Nurse Roxy."

I glanced at him, "Mmm …"

He dropped his hand to his side, "Are we almost there yet?"

"Two more stops." I muttered, readjusting my sunglasses.

Axel sighed, look away from me. "I'm bored."

"Well occupy yourself with something." I said, my voice still low.

"Humor me?" He asked hopefully, raising his eyebrows.

I looked at him briefly, and then turned away. "With what?"

"I don't know …do something Roxas-ish." He waved a hand nonchalantly and rested his chin against the back of his right hand. "You've been really quiet for this entire week. I miss my daily Roxas-isms."

"Hm." I shrugged, looking out of the window.

"Roxxxxyyy." He whined, leaning in close to me so that I was cramped between the wall of the bus and him.

I turned to glare at him, as he leaned in. "No, damn it. Now stop acting like a little kid." I could feel my face heating up so I looked away from him. I think this is what some people might refer to as sexual tension. And the other thing would be me getting surly at Axel because _I _am sexually frustrated. Ha! Me! Sexually frustrated, now that's a new one.

…Was my libido finally working?

"Something the matter?" He asked.

"On the bus, in the vicinity of _others_…" I looked pointedly over my shoulder at a group of girls that were busy giggling and looking in our direction, "…isn't the best place to discuss personal problems, now is it, Axel?" I said, turning to look back at him.

He followed where I was looking, waved at the girls who in turn shrieked a little too loudly for my ears. He turned to look at me, grinning, "Yeah, you're right. Later then?"

I let out a loud exasperated sigh, and drew my hand over my head and sunk lower into the corner of the bus. Axel probably took that as a sign of me saying silently to him, "Don't talk to Roxas right now, or he'll rip your entrails out." so he kept to himself for the rest of the bus ride.

Stupid ass sexual frustration …tension …or whatever the hell this was.

The walk to the hospital was short and quiet. Axel had left me alone to become preoccupied with my own thoughts while he hummed lowly to himself as we neared our destination. When we reached the hospital, we waited momentarily before Axel was called in to be seen by a doctor.

Axel sat on top of the examination table, kicking his legs back and forth like a two year old child. I sat on a plush chair away from the door with my arms folded over my chest, staring off into space. The door opened shortly and a petite, wide eyed doctor with long chestnut hair held back into a braid entered the room.

Her name was Dr. Aerith Gainsborough, and she definitely looked too young for her job. She looked down at the charts in her hands as she sat down in a chair and then looked up at Axel, smiling. "Mr. Ramirez is it?" Aerith asked, flipping through the pages on her chart, "I understand you're in for …suture removal and to have your boxer's fracture checked out?"

"That would be correct." He replied.

"Well," She reached over on the desk to go retrieve some plastic gloves and pulled them onto her hands. "Let me just check your hand for a moment …" She gently probed Axel's hand, flipping it back and forth, and looking at it from different angles. "Ahaa …" She rolled her chair back over to the desk and wrote something down on his charts.

"Well?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

"It's documented here that your hand had quite a bit of swelling since you were admitted. But …that has significantly gone down since you've last been here. We'll have to get those sutures out and then I'll check on that fracture of yours." She stood up, "I'll be right back."

As soon as Aerith left, Axel sighed and rested his head on the wall behind him. He turned to look at me, "Rox, ever had sutures?"

"Once." I answered, looking away from him at the thought of the memory.

He leaned forward, "On a scale of one to ten how badly does it hurt when you get them removed?"

I crossed my arms, "It's nothing, really …more annoying than anything else."

Aerith came back into the room, two silver objects in her hand, a cloth glove, and a pan tucked underneath her arm. She set the glove down, sat down in her chair and wheeled herself over to Axel, "Alright then, hold still alright?"

He looked at me then back at her, "…Sure." He held his hand out to Aerith and she set to work. He looked away for the most part, making little faces ever so often when Aerith would tug at his hand to loosen up the strings.

When she was done, she sterilized the wound again and put adhesive tape over where the sutures had been and smiled, looking up at him. "All done. That wasn't so bad, now was it?"

He looked at his hand, then back up at her, "Not …really."

She looked up at him, "Can you try and make a fist for me please?" He did as she asked and Aerith felt around softly over his skin. She looked back up at him, "I would say the fracture is almost completely healed. Your charts did mention that the damage wasn't extensive at all …"

"So what does that mean?" Axel asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Well …" She removed her rubber gloves and deposited them into a garbage can by her desk, "Your hand has healed pretty well …but you'll need a little more protection while you're out and about and it's still recuperating." She leaned over her desk and held up the glove she had carried in before.

"A hand brace." He said as if he were already expecting it.

"Yes." She smiled, looking up at him. "A hand brace. As I read from your past medical information, you've had to wear quite a few in the past, haven't you?"

Axel shrugged, "Hey, I prefer them over a cast any day."

She laughed as she ran her hand over his arm and wrapped the brace around his hand. "Well …that's all that there is to do, Mr. Ramirez. Exercise that hand daily and come and see me again in another two weeks and I'll check your progress." She reached for the knob to the door and let the both of us out. "Have a good day!"

Axel gave her a word of thanks, as I followed him out of the room. The minute we were out of the hospital, Axel let out a long sigh and stretched. "Well, the worst is over."

I rolled my eyes at him, "Are you always this whiny, or is my memory failing me?"

He wrinkled his nose, "No, I just hate hospitals."

"You think you're the only one …" I mumbled to myself softly, and sighed.

"You said something?" He asked as he looked up from fiddling with his hand brace.

I shook my head, adjusting my glasses and looked away from him. "No."

xXx

I sighed loudly.

I was currently sitting cross legged on the floor in my room in front of the floor length mirror erected on the door of my closet. Ever since we'd come back to the hospital, I had been sulking around in my room, just sitting around in front of my mirror and staring at myself. I was trying to figure out why I always had to make things so much more difficult than they already were. However, nothing was coming to me. Of course.

As I shifted to the side slightly, something glinted at me out of the corner of my eye and I drew my eyes to the barbell locked into the skin of my left eyebrow. I propped a hand underneath my chin and squinted at myself long and hard.

Spur of the moment was definitely the correct terminology to describe why I had gotten my eyebrow pierced in the first place. I don't even know why I did it now that I think about it. …I was feeling impulsive, wasn't I? _Impulsive._ …Wish I could feel fucking _impulsive _now …that'd be fucking nice. I let out a guttural snarl and slouched a bit in further frustration.

"Oh, Roxxxxyy." Axel's voice floated in from by my door. "What are you doing?"

I pushed on the door to my closet, so that the mirror moved and landed on him. I looked up at him, "Looking at my eyebrows."

"They're fine." Axel said, waving his hand brace clad arm. "Be thankful that yours grow."

I turned away from the mirror to look at him, "What?"

He pointed toward his eyebrows and frowning slightly, "Ever noticed how my eyebrows are ridiculously short?"

Now that he mentioned it …Axel's eyebrows were nearly nonexistent. What the hell? "Did you …do something to them?" I asked, looking at him wearily.

"…I …kind of burned them off." Axel answered, laughing a bit hesitantly. He waved his hands, defensively in front of him. "Don't give me that look; I already told you, I was Mr. Pyromaniac when I was a teenager."

"And they never grew back?" I asked him incredulously.

"Nope." He said, "I burned my skin so badly that they never grew back in. If you look at pictures of myself from about …seventeen or eighteen and forward, you'll notice that my eyebrows have never changed."

"You're a walking catastrophe aren't you?" I shook my head, standing up and lowering my gaze.

Axel shrugged, "I'm a bit accident prone I guess. But aren't we all?"

I paused, folding my arms over my chest and looked at the floor. The jingle of Soro's tags and Axel turning away from me knocked me out of my reverie. He bent down to pick the dog off of the floor and pulled her into his arms. She whined at him and made a move to jump out of his arms and walked over to me.

"What?" I asked, as she began to paw at my legs and look up at me with large black eyes. "You want food, I'm guessing? Didn't Sora feed you this morning?"

"Rrraarrff!" She barked back at me.

"Guess he didn't." I sighed. I looked up at Axel and he was already walking out of my room. Soro followed me as I walked into the kitchen, "Always leaving everything up to me …" I found her dog food and poured it out into her dish and Soro toddled over to me happily and started to eat. I filled the water bowl up at her side, and stayed staring at her for a moment. "Hey, Axel?" I called from the kitchen, still kneeled by Soro's side as she devoured her food.

"Yeeeaaah?" Axel asked, sounding like he had just gotten out of bed. He was probably sprawled out over the couch as usual.

I bit my lip, "I've been meaning to ask you this for awhile, but it's been slipping my mind." I paused, "…What happened to Marluxia after he was arrested that night?"

It was quiet for a moment, until I heard Axel's footsteps nearing the kitchen. He appeared in the doorway, one hand linked into the belt loop of his pants, his other elbow balanced against the side of the wall. "Well …" He looked from Soro, then back up to me, "First things, first … I guess you didn't hear about the restraining order…"

"Restraining order?" I asked, looking up at him.

He walked away from the entry way and sat down at the table, "Yeah. Zexion's idea. Enforced by Cid." Axel drummed his fingers down on the table. "It's still in negotiations …but …we've got this whole icky case going. It applies to all three of us and …" He looked away briefly, tapping his fingers again, "You."

I frowned, "_Axel._"

He held out both his hands, defensively. "It wasn't _my _idea! Honest!" He shook his head, "Zexion was …pretty adamant about it. He knows how close in proximity you are with me all the time and it would only make sense that the order apply to you, considering all the times you've had the pleasure of 'making his acquaintance'." He grimaced at the thought.

I massaged the bridge of my nose and stood up, feeling an impending headache building in my temples. I needed distraction, a big time distraction. My eyes landed on the sink and I instantly walked over to it and began filling it up with water.

"Are …you angry?" He asked, hesitantly.

"No." I answered, picking up a scrubber off of the shelf above my head and picked a plate up and started to scrub at it. "Continue."

"Well …" Axel started again, " …the person who he got into the fight with decided not to press charges and …they had him down at the precinct for awhile before they released him. I've heard rumors that he's sitting down for an interview with Blender coming out next month. Wonder what that's going to turn out like?"

"Hm …" I began stacking plates. I didn't stop when I heard Axel walking up beside me and appeared at my side.

"I'll stack." He said.

"Alright." I mumbled. I continued to scrub the dishes on in silence; while Axel put the dishes away in the dish washer. "Can you tell me something else?"

"Hm?"

"Should I kill you for calling me an emotionally stunted midget?"

Axel paused momentarily to look at me, and then broke out in a loud laugh. "Ansem _told _you I said that?"

"Who else would?" I asked, glaring at him.

"Awww, are you angry?" He asked, his grin only widening.

"…No." I said, feeling my cheeks already heating up. He had _nicknames _for me. Nicknames I didn't even **know **about. "…Guess you realized if you ever said any of those nicknames to my face, I would have punched the living day lights out of you."

"Yes, because I've learned that if you can't solve things with biting words, you're next instinct is to threaten me with extreme bodily abuse or harm." He leaned in, "Not that I mind, though. It's hot when you do it."

My heart skipped a beat. …**Hot**?

I instantly stiffened, and the plate I was handing off to Axel slipped from my grasp. He instantly leaned forward, caught it and laughed. "Careful." He bent over to put the plate into dish washer, "I have more actually. Blondie, Sunshine, Tinkerbell, Thumbelina, the Prince …I could go all day, Rox." He wiped his right hand off on a paper towel, when he saw that I was finished.

I still had my hands submerged inside the water, staring straight ahead of me. I could feel the color flooding to my face, the inability to breathe and my arms turning to stone. Axel was going to be the death of me.

"Roxas?"

I turned to look at him, feeling my stomach churn the instant our eyes met. They were soft, curious with his eyebrows high on his forehead. His lips were in a soft pout, like he was about to say something. His body was relaxed with his good hand propped against his hip and his other arm lying idle at his thigh. My eyes wandered a little further and …

That's when my cheeks were starting to _burn_.

"Rrrraarrf!" I shook my head to clear my mind and turned to look down at the floor. Soro was walking in-between my legs and curling up by my feet, wagging her tail back and forth.

"Trying to steal Rox's attention again, aren't you?" Axel leaned down to pick Soro off of the floor and she barked affectionately at him. He scratched her behind the ears and she whimpered some more, "Attention hog."

I withdrew my hands from the water and stumbled over to the dish towel to dry them off. I could still feel the heat spreading over my face.

"Rox, you okay?" Axel asked, "You look a little worse—"

"I'm fine." I instantly snapped, cradling my forehead in my hands. "I'm …going to go lay down."

I was out of the kitchen before Axel could even give me an answer.

xXx

The month was off to a **wonderful **start.

…If you haven't guessed by now, that was sarcasm.

For one, those dreams I had been having before? Oh, they just _loved _to plague my mind every god forsaken night that I went to bed. Of course, the morning after was _always _splendid when I woke up with a perpetual hard-on and Axel waiting to greet me with his usual cheery smile in the next room over. Seriously, I was waiting for my door to fly off its hinges the next time I tried to open or close it.

Axel seemed to catch on that something was bugging me, he just didn't know what. He'd often frown at me when I'd zone out or got quiet for whatever reason. Oh, if he only knew _what _the problem was. But then again, I forgot Axel could be as dense as a fucking bush. It was no wonder he wasn't catching on. Or maybe he was, and he just didn't want to say anything.

Also, I was starting to wish that I didn't live with Sora.

It would make it a hell of a lot easier to deal with …sexual problems. As oblivious as Sora was, he was sometimes keen on picking up _certain _things. Axel must have been talking to him, because Sora started giving me the same looks that Axel had been …except Sora was worse. Instead of being discreet about anything, Sora was all over the place, asking me a million questions on the hour: Roxas, are you okay? Roxas, you seem kind of quiet, do you want to talk about something? Roxas, why aren't you eating? You're looking kind of flushed, are you sick? Roxas?

It was enough to drive me to drink, and I haven't touched alcohol since Hayner passed. Probably the most embarrassing issue he brought up was the topic of laundry. Sora and I have a usual weekly trade off on laundry. He does it one week, and I do it the next, so on and so forth. However, when I started to do my _own _laundry, Sora was there on my tail asking me a million questions as usual: Roxas, why are you doing your own laundry? Is something wrong with how I wash your clothes? I'm not using too much fabric softener am I? Are your colors bleeding? Are you going somewhere?

I made up some stupid lie about being independent to get him off my back, and I know he didn't completely buy it, but …it was enough to save me from _some _Sora's never ending questions.

I would have to say; my only somewhat normal—albeit random—day with Axel that involved no one running away like a love sick retard (really, that was only me) was when he randomly gave me a goldfish. The story behind it?

"Random story, I got it on the train going back down town yesterday afternoon." Axel said, scratching his head and looking just as confused as I was. "Some random Russian dude just …sort of gave it to me. You want it?"

I didn't necessarily want the thing to die so I took it after Axel told me what Demyx did to it. He said he had given it to Demyx when he came back home because he didn't want it. Demyx took the fish out _partying_ the other day and Axel knew then and there that it was seriously a bad idea to let Demyx have the fish. …Why you would take a goldfish out …**partying** is beyond me.

So we went out to the pet store and got the fish a tank and set up a little fish home on the corner of my desk. The fish was possibly the laziest and stupidest thing I'd ever seen. If you tapped on the glass, it would basically ignore you and often got trapped in the filter and didn't know how to swim out from behind it. Oddly, I felt myself growing attached to it though …as dumb as the fish was.

…It was kind of cute, actually.

I asked Axel on the day he gave it to me, "Are you sure Demyx didn't give it any brain damage while …_partying _with it?"

Axel just looked at me and shrugged, "It's possible." He was sitting on my desk chair, arms crossed over his chest, looking at the fish while I was standing at his side with my hands on my knees watching it also. The fish got caught in the filter again and was struggling to swim out. He shook his head, and snorted. "Did you think of a name?"

"No." I said, shaking my head.

He looked at the fish, then at me and grinned widely, "What about Roxy?"

I glared at him, "I think Axel suits it better, don't you?" I turned away when he started smiling at me. "It's retarded …just like another Axel I know."

"Axie?"

"…No." I said, looking at the fish. "Axel."

"Aw, naming a retarded fish after me, I feel honored." He laughed, turning to look at me again and smiled. "I never knew you liked me so much."

My breath got caught in my throat, and I had to excuse myself before I passed out on my floor and started having a seizure or something. Axel followed after me a little while later, staring at me with that usual frown he always did when I went off and started with my erratic behavior, but didn't say anything about it.

I won't deny it.

I was so hopeless—hopeless enough to waste the entire half of June dancing circles around Axel. I was a complete and total failure. The first half of June had been spent on nothing but solving the problem of perpetual morning wood, trying not to get caught up in Axel's smiles because they just had a habit of turning me to into a giant puddle of mush, and my inability to form coherent four word sentences past the words, 'yes' and or 'no'.

But my saving grace came to me finally. Yes, after waiting for it for so long, in the second half of June, things got interesting.

A **lot **more interesting.


	26. Back In Your Head

**26; back in your head**

It was the first Saturday of July.

I was lying on my back watching the ceiling fan in Ansem's office spin wildly above my head. I threw my hands over my face and groaned loudly in frustration, as the memories of the past two weeks began to repeat over and over in my head.

"…Tell me what happened, Roxas." Ansem finally said, crossing his legs and folding his hands over his lap.

I removed my hands from my face and turned to look at him for a long time before I could muster the energy to start speaking. "Well …"

xXx

I had just returned from the hospital with Axel.

According to Aerith, his hand still needed a bit more time to heal so he was stuck wearing the hand brace for another week or so. On our way back to my apartment. Axel decided to stop at a corner store to pick up some cigarettes and something else; I don't know, I didn't pay too much attention to what he was saying.

I was currently browsing the front of the store without much interest, lazily eying the magazine rack when something caught my attention. I leaned forward, and peeled back the current issue of Blender magazine and pulled out a copy of Seventeen's July issue. There on the front cover was my sister grinning for the camera. I looked slightly to the upper right part of the cover and read the accompanying text.

**Rikku Ardenwell: **_Exclusive interview with the heiress as she dishes on her life in the past year. Full interview on pg. 54._

I looked back up at Axel who was done with buying what he needed. He was just about to leave when I walked over to the counter and put the magazine down. The guy ran the magazine up, as I took my wallet out to pay for it.

Axel looked at the magazine, then at me. "…Feeling menstrual, Roxy?" He asked jokingly.

I simply glared at him, pocketed my wallet and grabbed the brown paper bag off of the counter as we left the store. When we finally got back in, I sat cross legged on the sofa and took the magazine out of the bag while Axel went into the kitchen briefly. He came back and sat down on a chair by the window, looking around for the ash tray that usually sat on the ledge.

"So are you going to tell me why you bought that magazine?" He asked me, as he broke open the pack of cigarettes and felt around in his pocket for what I presumed was a lighter.

"They did an interview with my sister." I replied, looking down at the magazine, and then opened it.

He flicked the lighter on, and leaned forward to light the cigarette, "About what?"

"I don't know." I said as I continued to flip past pages of nonsense. I finally landed on what I was looking for. The entire first page of the interview was covered with a black and white picture of Rikku standing underneath a willow tree in the backyard of my parent's house, looking off into the distance. Halfway into the page, the story began.

**Rikku: **_Heiress, fashionista, sister, daughter, dreamer, believer.  
_

_Opening up about the tumultuous year that her personal life has been. _

**Rikku Ardenwell **_answers the door to her quiet home with a grin on her face and a welcoming aura surrounding her. She's dressed casually for the day wearing dark blue denim skinny jeans, a lacy white tunic and white opened toed ballerina flats. Her long blonde is hair swept up into its signature ponytail and safely secured with a long white silk scarf. _

_As any good hostess should, she is quick to offer me something to drink; a cup or coffee, tea, or anything else I would prefer. She has also prepared a side tray of assorted pastries for us to snack on whilst we talk. When we finally get settled into chairs across from one another, I turn to her and ask her, "So, you're ready to finally talk?" She laughs lightly at my question, her green eyes crinkling slightly and hidden dimples become embedded on the skin of her cheeks. "You wouldn't be the first to ask me that question."_

**facing the music**_**  
**__"A lot has happened to me in the last year." Rikku starts as soon as I prompt her to talk. A lot is surely a broad enough term to discuss what the Ardenwells have gone through in the past year. From her older brother's frequent hospitalizations, to her father's shocking decline in health and her private life in shambles, Rikku has endured a lot. _

_The seventeen year old is small, almost fragile enough to break at any given moment. At five feet and an inch, she's not exactly the most menacing or threatening person you'll encounter but she's got bite and will surely tell you what's on her mind if you ask her. "When everything started falling on top of another I felt like I was drowning. I couldn't keep my head above the water. Every day, it always felt like I was asking myself what was wrong with me, why was I feeling this way? I mean …I think about how I got through it all, you know? It sort of feels like it never really happened to begin with." _

_She says, "I'm not one for tabloids, but every once in awhile, I'd seen some crazy outlandish headline about my family or someone that was close to me and I used to get so angry over that stuff. After awhile, I realized it was stupid to take it to heart. I mean, its pointless spending all your time worrying about what they say about you in magazines. As long as I knew it wasn't true, I was fine with that, you know?" _

_The vicious tabloid reports alone would probably have been enough to debunk anyone's confidence as Rikku lightly touches on, but she knew she had to be strong for herself and for her family. "The saying goes, 'any publicity is good publicity' and I don't agree with that at all. Since when is having your private life laid out before the eyes of others in some trashy magazine good publicity? No, it's stupid. But then again, some people just love attention. So even if they're out there denying every 'false allegation'—(she uses air quotes)—about them, truth is, they're probably just happy that __someone __is talking about them or notices them."_

**on her father**_**  
**__In spring of this year, Rikku's father was hospitalized for severe heart problems. "I was a total mess that day. Watching …him go away to the hospital and not knowing if he was going to be alright was more than enough to knock me out of my right mind for a few days. I think that I went through one of the most traumatic things that a child could experience. Losing a parent is …it's almost like losing your world, I believe." Rikku says, looking off distantly as she remembers the accounts of that day. _

_"I stayed with my brother Cloud and his friend Leon for a little while until I felt ready enough to return home. My grandmother Yumi came up to stay with my mother while no one was in the house. It was nerve racking for us all but we got through it …me most of all. I was so afraid of losing him; I didn't know what I was going to do." _

_She smiles, "But he's okay now and that's all that matters. He …I think after this experience, my father has become a new man. My family has grown closer due to this ordeal and while I'm not exactly happy that he had to go through so much, I'm thankful we were able to grow as a family due to it." _

_Rikku starts to laugh, "But he's still so stubborn sometimes. His doctor's say he should take it easy and I always have to chastise him for doing so much strenuous activity. He acts like he was never in the hospital to begin with. Just between you and I, he still thinks he's twenty."_

**the ex-girlfriend  
**_It's no secret that Rikku didn't get along with her brother Sora's ex-girlfriend, Kairi Moretti. The feud between the blonde and auburn haired beauties has been dished out all over the pages of magazines to come. In the battle of she said, she said, there's always two sides to one story, and so I prompted Rikku to discuss hers. "I'm supposed to be truthful in this interview, aren't I?" Rikku asks, keeping a poignant gaze at me. _

_She looks down at the tea she's drinking, and then sets it off to the side and clears her throat. "I don't think Kairi's the sweet and innocent girl that most people think she is or make her out to be. And I never really thought she was right for my brother and I stand by my opinion. He deserved better." _

_She crosses her arms, reclining in her chair. "I'm not going to sit here and lie and deny what you've heard me say about her, because I don't believe in being fake. Yes, I've called her a control freak and manipulative and …some other things that were less than appropriate, but I will say this. Now that she's out of the picture and my brother's life, I'm really happy. I'm really protective of my brother's, just so you know. And I don't want them dating …people who aren't right for them."_

**the popular topic**_**  
**__"A lot of people are always asking me about Roxas, and it's unnerving and disheartening, really." She admits, looking a bit somber. "He's my older brother, and I love him to death. So when someone says something to me like, 'Oh, Rikku, is your brother going back to rehab again?' or something that's just cruel by all accounts like, 'Time is ticking, where's the coffin, Rikku?', it's like …it takes all that I am to not lash out and start scream something at them like …you know, it's not like that. Roxas is a great person if you really get to know him." _

_Roxas was hospitalized once at the end of last summer in 2007 and the beginning of this year in January for what was widely reported exhaustion. But, many tabloids have reported that the hospitalizations were due in part for suicide attempts and drug overdoses. When I asked her what her reaction was to the news of her brother, she grows quiet for a moment and then looks up at me, her expression thoughtful. _

_"You know, I think …everyone has the same kind of base reaction when they hear that someone they love isn't doing too well. You …feel helpless because you can't do anything to help them …and then you feel desperate about the situation …you know, you're always wondering if it's going to get better or worse? Roxas has had it hard, and I don't think people understand that. They'll say something like, we have all this fame and money and everything else that they can't imagine how hard it must be to live my life because I've got it so great. What they don't understand is that things go __on __behind closed doors. Things that the public will never hear or understand. We're all human and we all have problems, and we all need our privacy to deal with them on our own accord and I wish people could understand that just because someone is famous doesn't mean they're invincible. It's hard." _

_Roxas also garnered a lot more media attention this year for his involvement with Organization XIII's leading man, Axel Ramirez, which many tabloids have reported that the two of them have a relationship that transcends the boundaries of friendship. Rikku laughs loudly at the mention of Axel and turns to me and grins, "Can I set the record straight?" I nod when she asks the question, "Axel and Roxas are just __**friends**__, alright? Roxas isn't Axel's boyfriend. It's kind of strange talking about him like I've known him for so long, though. I won't deny it; I'm still a crazy Organization XIII fan." _

_She laughs a bit, "But seriously, He's just a really good friend, that's all. He's been helping my brother out a lot this year. I'm glad that …you know …Roxas finally has someone close to him outside of the family to talk about stuff that's bothering him." She points a finger at me and leans forward, "So you got that, America? Axel is __**not **__dating my brother, so lay off!"_

**the future**_**  
**__Fresh out of high school, Rikku has been spending her summer preparing herself for bigger endeavors to come. "I'm going off to London at the end of this year to start my career in fashion. I've always been interested in that sort of stuff and while New York City is great and whatnot, I'd rather go off and start somewhere else where I'm not so …you know, well known. Someplace where I can go and make my way my own way. It's interesting actually …I can't say too much, but I'm in the talks with some people and I might wind up turning my whole adventure in London into a reality television sort of thing. It sounds really cool, and I'd really be up for it actually." _

_As she wraps up talking about her plans for later this year, we move onto the next hot topic; one that many young eligible men would love to question her about: dating. Rikku laughs at the mention of dating, a hand flying to her mouth to cover it. "I'm not seeing anyone right now, no." _

_She shakes her head, "I'm happily single and want to stay that way for a little while. I mean …I just got out of a relationship with Gippal (Bashe) …and I'm not really ready for another highly publicized relationship as ours was. I want to take some time for myself and just …breathe and get my life oriented in a way that I want to. I'm still young, you know? I've got forever for that sort of stuff."_

**last words**_**  
**__As our interview comes to a close, Rikku takes me out to an expansive back yard boasting impressive greenery and gardening. We sit underneath a willow tree – the exact same one she is seen pictured under on the front page of the interview – and she turns to look at me, her green eyes soft. _

_"I like to think of this place as my own secret little …alcove or …grotto or something. You know someplace where no one else would ever think about coming? Just somewhere that __**I **__know about." When I ask her why she likes to come here, she takes a moment to respond and then turns to look at me. _

_Her eyes are full of resolve and she looks confident before answering, "We all need to escape one in awhile, you know?"_

The article ended there, and I let my eyes linger on the article briefly before I closed the magazine and pushed it off to the side. I sighed, falling over onto the couch and pressing myself into the cushions and closed my eyes. Axel was probably looking at me, but I didn't really care. He knew I wouldn't talk no matter how hard he tried to pry. My mind began to race again, and I began to block the world out as I started to think.

I …

I've …changed a lot.

I've heard it from various people but I never really bothered to actually see it. And now I did. I really _had _changed. I was still surly and sarcastic as Axel liked to put it, but gone were my days of holing up and keeping everything inside. I was actually learning to be truthful with myself rather than force away feelings that I didn't want to feel or acknowledge. But where was I going with this change? I wasn't putting it into any use like I should have. I was still being selfish and …and …

…Reading the article on Rikku made me realize a lot of things. Everyone, or so I felt, was moving ahead and I was staying here in this same place while they all went about and lived their lives. Sora's got his restaurant business, Rikku's going away to London soon and then Cloud …well …I'm not entirely sure what my brother does anymore. But, I'm guessing that he's got his life in order to a point where he's comfortable now. And then there's me.

…It's always been like this though.

Sure, I was taking over my family's business in a matter of months, but still, it's not what I envisioned I'd be doing for the rest of my life. …Alone that is. Working alongside my father was all well and good, but what about when he moved on and he wasn't here anymore, then what? What was I going to do then?

I don't want to spend my life just working for something I didn't even bother to create. Something I really have no interest in. I want to be free to choose what I want to do with my life. I haven't felt free in so long, and I just wanted to feel free to live my own life and do what I want.

That's …that's all I've ever really wanted to do my entire life.

With whatever happened to me in my childhood, I always felt like Xemnas held some unknown control over me, forcing me into submission. Then when Hayner came around, he gave me a taste of what freedom was like. Being with him was like being in an entirely different world completely. I can't explain it, but he made me feel like there was nothing wrong with me, that I had no limitations. The sky was the limit and whatever I set my heart into, I could do it. And then he goes away. He goes away and leaves me alone to fend for myself again.

…And then by stroke of sheer fucking luck, I meet Axel.

Axel with those crazy green eyes, infectious laugh and even more alluring personality. Axel who I couldn't stand. Axel who gets on my nerves. Axel who I want to punch in the face. Axel who seems to invade all aspects of my privacy without even trying. Axel who never seems deterred by my bad moods or snappy nature. Axel who I can't ever tell the whole truth to. Axel who would kill me if he left. Axel who cares too much about me. Axel with the piercings and tattoos. Axel who always seems to know what to say. Axel who drives me in-fucking-sane. Axel who smiles too much. Axel who always tries to get me to smile and laugh, although he's never seen anything but a sadistic smirk of mine. Axel …who I lo—

...Axel who was leaving in June.

…June. Right, June. As the days of June came to an end, I became less love sick and more so desperate over anything else. The love sickness gave way to something else. In the beginning of the month and earlier on it was more or less me trying to get over my initial feelings for Axel that gave me problems, but now whenever I started thinking of him leaving it started to _hurt_.

I tried to rationalize with myself that he'd be back in a month and it wasn't that long, but I couldn't. Every day when he left and Sora came home, I'd feel that ache again and it made it so hard to breathe at times that I had to go lay down for the rest of the day and just stay in my room like some hermit.

I guess you can say I began to I shut down.

Shutting down to the point where I became an emotional mess again and it was starting to worry Sora because he thought I was reverting back to my old ways. That wasn't the case at all, though. I was just stressed out. Stressed out to the point where my temper was rising once again and I could do nothing to curb it. I took it out on Axel more so than anyone else, though it barely fazed him at all. I had to remind myself; he'd been there, seen it and dealt with it for quite some time now, it was nothing new to him.

Although it didn't faze him, he definitely took notice of my changing attitude as the month ended. And as expected, as he always did in the time that I had know him, he would step in and finally rectify the situation.

xXx

It was Friday, June 27th.

The last day of the last week that Axel and I would be spending together, until he came back from Warped Tour at the end of July. I, like I had been doing for the past couple of days, was lying on my back with the acoustic guitar strewn over my stomach plucking at it lazily. I was staring up at the ceiling mulling the thought over in my head that I had failed beyond all comprehensible belief and I would never tell Axel anything that had been on my mind.

I wanted to shoot myself.

Axel, having left me to my own devices for the rest of the week, surprised me when he came knocking on my door that afternoon and knocked me out of my reverie. He still had the hand brace on his left hand. Even though after his last visit to the hospital when Aerith had given him the okay to finally take it off, he didn't want to chance anything that could jeopardize his playing at Warped so he had kept it on, which she had told him was fine.

I dully acknowledged him as he entered the room. He paused at my desk to look at the retarded goldfish, which, as usual, was hiding behind the filter. Axel poked at the tank and the fish jolted to life, swimming erratically and crashing into the wall by one of the plants in the tank. He laughed briefly and the turned around to look at me.

I didn't meet his gaze.

"Hey." He said. His voice sounded so distant after not hearing it for so long.

I didn't reply or look at him. I strummed at the guitar absentmindedly. Let's see, did anyone I know have a gun?

Axel sighed lowly, and sat down in the chair by my desk. "You know, it feels like forever since we last talked."

I finally said something. My voice sounded low and broken in my ears, "Maybe it has been."

He didn't reply for a good five minutes before looking up at me. "You're right, maybe it _has _been." He shrugged, "Thing is, Roxas, I'm no good with small talk. I came in here to talk to you for a reason."

I turned to look at him, and stopped strumming.

"We're going out tomorrow. Me, Demyx and Zexion …as a celebratory means of …enjoying our last full weekend in the city before we have to leave." Axel said, looking directly at me. "…I think …I'd like it if you came with us, Roxy."

I stared at him, my expression unwavering.

"…Rather, I'd _hope _you came with us, Rox." He tapped his finger on the arm rest. "…I know you refuse to tell me what's wrong and …I'm not going to pry it out of you because I know how you work." He grinned at me, "You either tell me, dance circles around me and let me figure it out on my own, or you don't tell me all together. And you're not doing the third option right about now. I mean …"

I lowered my gaze away from him, tuning Axel out for a few minutes to think. Last weekend in the city. That gave me more time if I didn't tell him anything today, didn't it? Maybe if I danced some more circles around him, he'd finally figure it out. I looked back to him. "I'll go." I whispered, barely able to hear my own voice over his loud rambling.

"…And we can go and—wait, what?" He asked, eyebrows going high.

I sat up and looked at him. "I'll go."

"…Seriously?" He asked, leaning forward. "I'm not trying to force you or—"

"Do you want me to go or not?" I asked again, my voice going no higher. "Because I'll stay home and—"

"No!" Axel shook his head, a grin I hadn't seen for so long unfurling across his lips. "No! No, no no no no! No staying at home, I want you to come!"

I didn't say anything about his ecstatic reply, rather just lowered my gaze again away from him as he seemed to grow happier by the minute. Had it really been that long since I'd actually bothered to start a conversation with Axel? It felt like forever since I had last seen that grin …smile no less.

When I looked back at him, he was smiling broadly as ever and I felt that dull ache in my chest starting up again. "You won't regret it, Roxy."

xXx

Won't regret it, he said.

I was going to make _sure _I didn't regret it.

Axel didn't exactly give me a dress code; he just mentioned that we were going to be out for a long time tonight, so I dressed with a purpose. For one, dressing with a purpose meant getting questionable glances from Sora who was still on edge with me. He didn't say anything too intrusive though. He just asked me where I was going and I told him out with Axel. The minute he heard that, Sora was out of my room and faint smile on his mouth and asked me nothing else.

…I didn't even want to _know _what he was thinking.

Dressing with a purpose also meant that I actually had to do something with my hair besides letting it do whatever it wanted. My hair has a sort of …self-spiking regime that it liked to stick to if I didn't do anything to it. Don't ask how it happens, it just does. Cloud has it, and Sora has it too. It's got to be genetic in some respects.

Anyway, it was times like these where I was glad I had received somewhat of the straight Asian hair gene from my grandmother. It made it a lot easier to get my hair to stay straight and stop sticking up. However, while the left side of my head had stick straight hair, my right side was proving to be more difficult with random pieces spiking up. It wasn't too noticeable to other people, but I was damn well near getting frustrated with it when it wouldn't do what I wanted.

The end product made me look more Japanese than what I already was.

Sora came into my room just as I was done. He was holding Soro in his arms, shaking her around as she tried to lick his arm. "Axel just called up; he said that he's outside."

I looked up at Sora from where I was sitting on my bed. I reached for my keys on my nightstand, checked in the back pocket of my jeans for my phone and lastly, my sunglasses. He followed me out of my room and into the main hallway. I took out my keys and began to unlock the door. I turned to look at him, "I'm not sure when I'll be home …but I'll give you a call when I'm heading back up."

"Okay. Have fun, alright?" Sora asked, jiggling Soro around in his arms as he walked me to the door, "…It's your last night together …make the most out of it."

He hung around while I waited for the elevator and waved at me when I got on. As the doors closed, I sighed and rested against the wall until the door chimed again and I was on the ground floor.

Axel was nowhere in visible sight, but from the way I saw flashes of light and heard the clicking of cameras outside of the front door, I knew he was here. The doorman opened the door for me, and I nodded to him. There weren't that many paparazzi crowded around the limo that was parked out front, about twelve in total from what I could see. I had my sunglasses on for good measure.

"Hey, Roxas!" One of them called out to me, turning a video camera on my face, "Going out on a date with your boyfriend and his friends? Give him a big kiss for us, will you?"

I didn't respond to any of their stupid questions and jibes as I advanced toward the door of the limo. The cameras exploded as soon as Axel pushed open the door to allow me to get in. The inside of the limo smelled like smoke, evident from the fact that Axel had a cigarette in his hand. The sky roof was down but did nothing to curb the smell.

I sat down across from Axel, and took off my sunglasses and looked around, "Where's …?"

"Demyx and Zexion?" He asked, as he stabbed out the cigarette that had previously been in his mouth. "Down at a movie theater by the restaurant we're going to. Dem wanted to go see Wall-E before we left …he's …really a kid at heart, I swear."

"Hm …" I said, looking up at the sky roof. The limo was moving again.

Axel rolled a window down and waved a hand around in front of him, "So what's with the hair?" He smirked.

I shrugged, "I got ready late." No, the truthful answer would be, 'I wanted to look nice for you tonight.' But of course, my name is Nutcase Roxas and I can't ever be truthful with Axel on even the little things.

He shook his head and leaned back, "Ahhh, Roxy. What am I going to do with you?" Axel dug around in his pants pocket and pulled out his phone. "They're waiting on us."

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"A little Spanish restaurant somewhere near Broadway down on 23rd …or somewhere in that general area. Zexion checked it out, said it looked nice." He answered.

I slouched down in my seat, looking back up at the sky roof. After riding downtown for some time, the limo eventually dropped us off in front of a quaint restaurant directly off of Broadway. Axel dully mentioned that they were inside, and sure enough, Zexion and Demyx were sitting at the bar inside of the restaurant. Zexion was the first to notice us, and Demyx followed shortly after.

"Hey! Bout time you two got here!" Demyx grinned. "We've been waiting—"

"A whole of five minutes." Zexion answered nonchalantly. "It hasn't been long at all."

"Shut up, I was trying to make them feel guilty." Demyx snapped, wrinkling his nose as he pointed over his shoulder. He turned back to look at Axel and I. "Well …"

"Did you get the table?" Axel asked.

"Yes, we were just waiting for you two to make your arrival." Zexion replied. He pushed away his drink, nodded curtly to the bar tender and drew a hand up to his mouth in thought. "I suppose we should alert the hostess we are ready to be seated now."

"Leave it to me!" Demyx exclaimed and wandered off.

Dinner was—surprisingly—a quiet affair.

When I mean quiet, I mean, it didn't involve Demyx making a scene or a spectacle out of himself. He was surprisingly well behaved for once—must have meant he was sober. I was quiet for the majority of dinner, listening to the three of them talk with each other and adding my own opinion whenever someone addressed me. It wasn't like I was exactly eager to talk; I had too much on my mind.

I kept thinking about taking Axel aside to talk to him, but I figured I'd do something stupid before I could even get the words out. Honestly, where the hell did stoic Roxas go? I want him back. _He _wasn't stupid when he dealt with his personal problems …because stoic Roxas didn't face his problems. Right …I forgot about that.

What should I call this Roxas? Nutcase Roxas? Teenage Romance Crisis Roxas? Psycho Lovesick Roxas? They all sounded like some trashy reject name for a Barbie doll. Ughhh, stoic Roxas …you were a good Roxas. Nutcase teenage romance crisis psycho lovesick Roxas …you make me want to kill myself all the more.

I sighed loudly in desperation, causing Axel, Demyx and Zexion all turned to look at me at the same time. Axel's eyebrows were raised and he looked like he was on the verge of laughing. Demyx shared a similar expression to Axel except his mouth was wide open as he was about to say something. Zexion didn't change at all, he just looked at me briefly with his arms crossed and then back to Demyx.

"Are we boring you to death with Warped tour talk, Roxy?" Axel asked, smirking as Zexion and Demyx carried on their conversation.

I looked up at him; pretty sure I was cross eyed from the way my vision refused to focus. "What?"

He shook his head, "You look a little out of it, you okay?"

I looked away from him and at our waitress who was coming over to our table, "I'm fine." I said. "Bills here."

Axel reclined from me and took the bill from the waitress. He surveyed it for a moment, passed it off to Demyx and Zexion briefly and then took out his wallet. "I've got this one, gentlemen." He pressed a card into the slot and handed it off to the waitress. He turned back to me, "Enjoying yourself so far?"

I shrugged, folding my arms over on the table and resting my head against them. "We haven't done anything."

"We will." He said.

The waitress came back with his card and he took it from her. That was our cue to all get up from the table and leave the restaurant. The limo was right outside waiting for us as it had been when it had dropped us off. Demyx and Zexion got in first, followed by me and lastly Axel.

"So where are we going now?" Axel asked, closing the door to the limo.

"Demyx is in charge of after dinner activities." Zexion replied, resting his arm on a ledge to his side and pressing his fist up against his cheek.

"Oh, you guys are going to _love _where I'm taking you." Demyx said with a wide grin spreading across his face. He turned around and rolled the window to tell the driver where to go. "We'd like to go to West 4th and 7th Ave, please."

"Am I looking out for a particular place for you, sir?" The driver asked.

"The Indo Scream." Demyx replied. The driver noted curtly to him and Demyx rolled up the window and turned right around to us.

"What is that? Some sort of club, Dem?" Axel asked, raising his eyebrows.

"You'll see." Demyx said again, "Just _trust _me, alright?"

xXx

I spoke too soon about Demyx.

Demyx had fucked up. Entirely, and completely fucked up.

I had a feeling that he was taking us to some sort of club, come on, this is Demyx we're talking about—Mr. I'm A Party Animal. True to my suspicions, it was one of those loud, side street clubs where you could hear the music from a mile away. As soon as we had been dropped off, Demyx excitedly ran out in front of us but instantly stopped short. Axel, Zexion and I stayed on the curb when we saw the same thing that Demyx had stopped for.

"…Demyx, what the hell is this?" Axel asked, crossing his arms.

Demyx turned around to look at us, scratching at his head and then grinned, "A club?" He asked.

The front door opened and loud thumping music interrupted the quiet of the street momentarily.

Two scantily clad men walked out, giggling and waved at us. "…A gay club." Zexion said monotonously, shaking his head as they directed their attention to him and waved some more.

"Hey! I looked it up and it got _great _reviews! It said it was stud muffin heaven and party central!" Demyx tried, knowing that he had fucked up but didn't want to admit it. "…Maybe tonight is just …guys night or something."

"I don't think so Dem." Axel said, pointing at the blonde.

He turned to look over his shoulder. "Come on! It might be fun!" Demyx grinned, "You know they say gay guys party the best!"

Axel sighed, titling his head backwards and then leaned forward, shaking his head. "You know what, Demyx? I don't have the energy to fight with you tonight." He turned to look at me, "Roxy, do you mind?"

"…Well, I'm already doing enough damage to my reputation by hanging out with you and genius over there."

Axel laughed, "Point made." He turned to Zexion, "Zex …I know clubs aren't really your thing."

Zexion waved a hand dismissively. "I'll survive."

Demyx wandered over to us and pointed a finger at Axel and Zexion, "Come on guys! We've been in worse!" He grinned. "And let's just have fun! I'm pretty sure there's gotta be _some _straight girls in that club. You know what they say about fag hags and …and …"

Axel sighed, pushing Demyx's face away from his own. "I said we'll go."

The bouncer didn't even bother to check our ID's, but ushered us inside without a word. One of the perks to being a 'celebrity' I guess. Inside the club there was terrible loud techno music, scantily clad men, and scarcely, some woman gyrating up on each other. Demyx managed to get us through the crowd. I held onto the sleeve of Axel's shirt so we wouldn't get separated. We ended up on the second floor bar that overlooked the entire club.

We all sat down at the bar at the same time. Demyx and Axel both ordered a shot of some light blue liquid and clinked glasses as they both downed it at the same time. I, in the meantime, sat down next to Zexion who was looking as positively bored as he was. Then again, Zexion always looked bored. Demyx hopped off his stool, pointed toward the dance floor and began shouting something at Zexion who shrugged and followed him.

That left me alone with Axel.

Axel turned to me and leaned in, "Roxy, are you going to dance?"

"No." I replied.

The fast techno beat that had been playing subsided into something that was a little less fast and a tad bit quieter. It didn't do much for my ears, but I could hear Axel better. "Aww, why not?" He asked.

"I don't dance." I said.

"So you're just going to sit here for the rest of the night?" He asked, making a pouty face.

"Yes."

Axel shook his head at me, and ordered something from the bartender. A few minutes later, he came around with our drinks. Axel had ordered the same blue shot thing from before and pushed a dark drink off to me. I pushed it back at him. He leaned over and whispered, "There's nothing in it. It's straight up Pepsi."

I sipped at it cautiously and found that he was telling the truth. Axel downed his second shot, shaking briefly and then put the shot down in front of him. He turned to look over his shoulder and then turned to me. I looked up at him and he smiled at me.

I hadn't realized my mouth had dropped open a little bit as I was sucking on my soda. I inhaled the wrong way and then started coughing as the liquid went up my nose. In an instant, Axel was patting my back as he asked for a napkin from the bartender. Why I was busy hacking up a lung and Axel was trying to rub my back to help my clear my airways, out of the corner of my eye I noticed someone staring at us from across the bar.

He was interested in one of us from the looks of it, but the way he was dressed led me to believe he was completely out of place in the atmosphere of a club like this. I blanched, reaching for my soda again and started sipping on it as I averted my eyes from the blonde man. Axel reclined back into his seat when he saw that I was fine. He tapped his hand on the top of the bar and took to looking around us again. I looked up again and saw that the man was still staring at us.

"Roxas, is that guy looking at us?" Axel asked, leaning over to me.

The man had just ordered a cosmopolitan from the bartender, and was drinking it while keeping his attention fixed on us. He licked his lips seductively. Axel moved a little and I saw the man keep his eyes fixed on him entirely.

"No, he's looking at you." I seethed, feeling my fist tighten around the empty glass the Pepsi had been in.

Axel waved a bit hesitantly at the man, "…Well then, that wouldn't be a first."

"Don't wave, he'll come over here." I snapped. I gritted my teeth as I released my grasp on the glass in my hand. My knuckles had turned entirely too white from holding on for so long. The bartender took the glass away from me and went over to attend to some other patrons.

"…Maybe he's a fan or I know him or something." Axel said.

"Right," I muttered to myself.

The man paid for his drink, and made a move to walk over to us. He was tall, maybe an inch or two above Axel and I could see his muscles were well defined beneath his tight white shirt. He ran a hand through his blonde hair—probably fake from the near platinum look it took on in the multicolored strobe lights—and took a seat down next to Axel. I grimaced slightly.

He grinned at Axel, producing two full rows of perfect white teeth. "I couldn't help but notice you from over there." He grinned, "And I saw you and your …" He looked to me and I shot him a glare, "…_companion _…doing the same."

Axel looked at me and then back at the man, "Actually, we were just trying to figure out if you were someone we knew."

The man leaned in, "This lighting is so harsh; sometimes it's hard to tell who's who in here." He extended a firm hand, "Luxord."

Axel looked at it and then held out his own, shaking it just as firmly. "Axel."

"And your …" He leaned over on the bar counter to look behind Axel at me. "Boyfriend?" Luxord asked, drawing his thumb up to his chin.

Axel shook his head, "_No_. No no no no, just a really good friend." He turned to smile at me and then looked back at Luxord.

"Ah …" Luxord nodded to me and I ignored him.

"He's not a people person, so don't get offended if he doesn't really take to you right away." Axel said as he ordered another drink from the bartender. It was a Pepsi. Luxord copied his gesture and got another cosmopolitan. "So…you don't really sound like you're from around here."

"I'm here on holiday from England, actually." Luxord said, a grin coming to his face. He leaned forward letting his hands drop down into his lap. "I've heard New York City boasts a rather interesting night life."

"Ah …" Axel said, taking a sip of his drink. He looked away from Luxord momentarily. "Well …"

"Yes?" Luxord asked, leaning in a bit further.

"Did you find it interesting?" Axel asked, sounding a bit perturbed.

"Oh, very much so." Luxord answered, taking a hand and draping it across Axel's thigh.

Red flags instantly went up in my mind and I felt my hand tightening up into a fist. Hold up there and _PAUSE_. If he didn't move his hand _away _from Axel's thigh...

Axel promptly smacked Luxord's hand away from his thigh. "Yo, none of that here."

"Oh? I was getting the impression that you might have _liked _that sort of thing." Luxord murmured in a voice that was poorly bordering on seductive.

"…You just met me like …five minutes ago." Axel said. I could hear the agitation seeping into his voice.

"What a bother." Luxord mused. "Guess I'll just have to find another interesting native then. It was …a pleasure making the acquaintance either way." He got off of the seat by Axel and quickly toddled off away from the bar.

Axel turned to look at me, "What the hell was _that _all about?"

"I don't _know_." I snapped, looking away from him. I was getting possessive now.

"Sheesh, this is why I don't _do _gay clubs." Axel said, "…I always get the weirdo's that aren't my type at all."

"Considering your history of love interests, I don't find that to be surprising at all." I said. _Beyond_ possessive.

"Ouch." Axel muttered, "Low blow, Roxy."

"It shouldn't be when it's the truth." I was turning into such a little dramatic bitch.

He rubbed his head, "Well …" He bit his lip, "I'm going to go and check on Demyx and Zexion and see what they're doing. You'll be okay by yourself, won't you?" I waved him off and he lingered momentarily. "Does that mean a yes, no, what?"

I just looked at him and he shrugged and left me at the bar. I watched him peer off of the banister momentarily before darting off down the stairs and into the mix of gyrating men and woman. I sighed, hailed the bartender and ordered another Pepsi. A group of nearly naked men passed my line of vision and I shook my head and pressed my forehead into the crevice of my elbow, groaning loudly.

"I was wondering when I might be able to get you to myself."

I turned around to see Luxord standing behind me, a twisted grin on his face. He had his hands on his hips and his posture showed that he was seriously way too confident in himself. It rubbed me in all the wrong ways. I felt my stomach heave a bit and tightened my hand in irritation. I had had it up to here with all these men who were always showing interest in Axel and then turning around and hitting on me whenever Axel showed no interest in them.

"What the _hell _do you want?" I said, turning around in my seat. I twirled the straw around in my drink.

He laughed, "Everything, actually." Luxord came into my view as he walked up beside me. I turned away from him, and focused on slowly sipping at my drink. "I was waiting for your little friend to leave so I could talk to you. Imagine my luck meeting little infamous Roxas Ardenwell in such a scandalous place."

"Good job, you know who I am." I snapped, "Do you want a fucking gold medal or something?"

"…Perhaps we could settle on a rumor shaking tabloid picture instead."

"I'm pretty sure you could find some underage celebrity slut to give you what you want." I murmured. "Not interested."

"Oh …but I am." And as soon as he said that, his arms encircled my shoulders in an instant and he was trying to pull me off of the bar stool.

"Get your fucking hands _off _of me." I growled. When Luxord didn't budge, I reached for my drink and tossed the remaining liquid in the bottom of the cup in his general direction. While he was distracted, I elbowed him underneath his exposed arm, and with my right arm punched him in the face as hard as I could to get him off me completely.

Luxord promptly flew out of my line of focus, and stumbled away from me his hands flying over the front of his face. "You little—"

The next thing I knew, someone grabbed me from around the waist and I was being yanked off my bar stool. I tried to fight whoever it was but when I heard the familiar voice in my ear I stopped with my protest.

"I can't leave you alone for _two _seconds without something happening, can I?"

It was Axel. God, if he had that uncanny ability to always come at the right moment …

"He didn't do anything to you, did he?" Axel asked.

I shook my head, as he dropped me down to my feet. Before Luxord had a moment to retaliate, we were surrounded by three security guards and dragged off to a more discreet area of the club. After the accounts of what had just occurred had been told, the security guards brought in one of the bartenders who had been at the bar.

He explained to security what he had seen and that my reaction was completely out of self defense. Security promptly escorted—more like kicked—Luxord out of the club and apologized for the inconvenience. The minute Luxord was out of sight, Axel turned to me, rubbing his head and looking a bit stressed out.

"…I think you've had enough fun for one night."

And with that, he had us escorted out of the back entrance of the club. By the time we had gotten outside, my already shitty mood had decreased into nearly catastrophic. I walked away from Axel and over to the waiting limo and began yanking at the door. When it didn't budge, I kicked at the door. The driver got the hint as the locks popped open shortly after. I got in, and slammed the door shut. Axel followed a little while after, his phone in his hand.

"I'm taking him home. Yeah …yeah, that was us. Sorry …I'll see you guys …no, don't worry about it. Keep partying. Yeah …I'll see you when you get in. No, seriously, don't worry about it, Dem …go have fun." Axel got off the phone and sighed. "I'm going to take you home."

"I don't want to fucking go _home._" I snapped, "What I want is to go and find that asshole so I can beat the shit out of him."

"Then if you won't go back home, I'm taking you back to my place for a little while. You need somewhere to calm down at and I don't want you destroying this limo. We don't necessarily _own _it, all right?" He looked over his shoulder.

"I _am _calm." I seethed.

"No, you're not." Axel said, not at all fazed by my tone of voice. I flopped over in the seat, turning away and ignoring Axel. He rolled the window down and told the driver, "Take it home. West 20th street between 6th and 7th Ave."

"At your wish, sir."

xXx

I exploded as soon as I stepped into Axel's apartment.

He watched me silently as I went into a fit of hysterics that involved me screaming whatever that came to mind at the highest pitch that my voice could go. When that no longer did anything for me, I redirected my frustration or whatever I was feeling to the wall. Axel, however, stepped in to redirect me to his bedroom so I could punch the shit out of one of his pillows. He didn't need my hand ending up like his own.

I ended my tirade by silently fuming on the floor of Axel's bedroom, my legs drawn up against my chest with my forehead pressed firmly against my knees and my right arm hanging over by my eyes. This was …just a culmination of everything that had been building, and what happened with Luxord had been the one thing that tipped the scale.

Axel was cautious to approach me, making sure I had gotten everything out in my system out first before he even attempted to talk to me. "…Roxas?" He asked.

I looked up at him, my vision was blurred. I blinked a couple of times to get my eyes to focus. Axel was standing in front of me by the door of his bedroom with steaming mugs in both his hands. I lowered my gaze away from him, shaking my head. "I'm fine; I'm not volatile if that's what you're thinking."

I felt his presence close beside me and I opened my eyes to look at him. He passed a mug off to me. "Here."

I looked down into the cup. It was tea. I turned to look up at him. "Axel …" I started.

He looked at me expectantly. "It's nothing bad, come on, drink it."

I sighed, knowing very well that he would be relentless in bothering me to drink the tea. I blew on the tea for a few seconds, before taking a test sip. I blinked twice, then looked down at the tea and sniffed it.

"How is it?" He asked, drinking his own.

"It's …okay…" I blanched, holding a hand to my nose. It had cinnamon in it.

He exhaled deeply, "…Roxas."

"No …it's just …" I looked up at him and he was staring at me expectantly. I shook my head, "Never mind, it's nothing." I started to drink the tea, my head starting to swirl to the point where I could barely feel my hands anymore, my breath became labored and I was staring to feel lightheaded. I thought I was going to be sick.

He looked a bit worried, "Roxas …" He tried again.

Please don't fall apart. Please …for the love of God, don't fall apart.

"Can …you please tell me what's wrong?" He asked.

I looked up at him slowly at him for a long time. I was pretty sure he was talking again, but once again I was tuning him out. I started at his eyes, green and creased slightly, the worry reaching beyond his voice and into his expression. His eyebrows were furrowed, wrinkling at the crevice of where they met the top of his nose. He set the mug off to his side and leaned in a bit.

_Roxas?_

I wouldn't see him anymore …

I wouldn't …

Shit, shit shit, don't start. For the love of God, don't fall apart. Don't. I can't …

"Roxas? Are you—"

In an instant, I threw what little reason I had to the wind and leaned forward. I latched my hands around the front of his collar, yanked him forward toward me and crushed my lips on his. The last thing I saw before I shut my eyes was him looking a bit alarmed and trying to say something, but whatever he was trying to converse to me was lost between our mouths.

Axel and I stayed frozen like we were for what seemed like forever. Slowly, I felt his hands move to where mine were gripped tightly around his collar. He worked his fingers in under mine, and gently pried them from off of the fabric. I started to panic and all my fear from before just flooded to the pit in my stomach. I tried to fight for dominance with him, but eventually he won the battle and he pulled away from me. Before I had time to react, Axel had linked his arms around my waist and was pulling me forward into his lap.

I had really lost it, hadn't I? Honestly, before I met Axel I would have never done something so impulsive and stupid. I should really just call up Ansem and told him to put me away for life, maybe then I'd revert back into my old ways and I wouldn't have to deal with my stupidity as it was right now. I turned my attention back to Axel and glared at him. Curse him to the eternal depths of hell for bringing out my inner stupidity.

"Roxas …" He said when I tried to pull away from him. "Roxas, would you _please _calm down for five minutes of your life?"

"Spare me—" I began but he put one finger over my lips to shush me and I looked up at him.

His green eyes were soft and …there was something lying behind them that I couldn't exactly place. Using the same hand he had just used previously, he rubbed a thumb under my chin and whispered softly, "And you tell me that **I **don't know when to shut up."

And then my brain promptly left my body for the next twenty or so minutes.

It was like I had gone to hell and back. Like I was living in one of those stupid movie scenes where two people are staring at each other and then start kissing. You know the ones with the terrible soft rock ballad in the background, and there's all those odd camera angles and shit, and the two people gyrate their bodies on screen and basically start sucking the sides of each other's faces off and ugh …

But kissing Axel wasn't like that. It was nice. Alright, that's an understatement. I practically melted on him, that's what happened. I had ended up in his lap, his legs somewhat curled near the small of my back as I had linked my own around his hips. My arms latched forward onto his neck and he shifted me gently in an attempt to keep me from sliding backwards and away from him. He started out kissing me softly at first, little chaste kisses here and there, separating ever so often to watch my response to something. He'd often grin when I'd reach into his hair and push him back toward me whenever he made a motion to separate.

Eventually I somehow ended up turned over with my back on the carpet and Axel over me. Things got a little more heated at that point. There was a whole bunch of fervent groping, pulling of clothing and necking. …A whole lot of necking on Axel's part. I didn't really want him to stop …but I didn't really want to tote around love bites that Sora would be breathing down my neck about.

Also, you know how I had been wondering about Axel's tongue ring? When things got especially heated, and Axel got even more so daring, he slipped his tongue between our mouths and I nearly choked on my own tongue when he caught me by surprise. I promptly pulled away from him and started coughing. Okay, so maybe I wasn't ready for the tongue ring, we'd have to work on that.

…Other than that, things went smoothly and I spent a good half hour making out with Axel on his bedroom floor. Not exactly the way I pictured a love confession, but hey, it was something. And it didn't end as catastrophically as I thought it would. Thumbs up Nutcase Roxas, maybe you are useful for something.

When we both pulled away, I instantly lowered my face into the front of his shirt by the crevice of his neck, pretty sure that I would start blushing at any given moment.

"So …that was the problem." He said, rolling us over so that I was on top again. Axel pulled me closer to his chest, and reached underneath my shirt to begin stroking my back.

"…I tried to tell you before." I mumbled as I rested my head underneath his chin. "But you're so stupidly dense sometimes …"

"So I've been told." He laughed. I could feel the reverberations of his voice against my cheek. "Sorry, Rox."

I groaned, shaking my head. "…So …so stupid."

He rubbed my back for a little bit before he spoke again. "I got something for you."

"Do you have to get it now?" I asked. I was actually enjoying the way we were right now.

Axel balanced himself on his elbow and looked at me with a lopsided grin. "I'd like to …" He looked upwards, "Actually, I didn't think I'd have time to give it to you in person, so I was going to mail it …but …well I figure now is as good as time as any to give it to you."

I rolled off of him, "You ruin moments, you know?"

"So I've been told." He kissed me on the forehead and walked away from me and headed over to his closet.

"…Wouldn't it make more sense if I was giving something away to you?" I asked, getting off the floor and sitting down on his bed.

"Yeah, but I figured I needed to leave a little part of myself behind with you. I've got enough Roxas quotes to last me a life time while I'm on the road." His voice was muffled from the closet. He knocked something over and with a loud exclamation of, "SHIT!"

I sighed, running a hand through my hair as Axel shuffled through things in his closet. He really …hadn't reacted to everything how I envisioned it. I had this whole scenario in my mind where I would tell him how I felt and he'd get all silent and completely reject me. Nowhere in that scenario was there an impulsive kiss, Axel completely accepting things as they were and him giving me some …farewell gift. Maybe being around Axel for so much has made me more dramatic than what I already used to be.

Axel came back, his arms tightened around a long slender object in a guitar bag. "Here we are!" He laid it down beside me. "Well, go ahead and open it."

I unzipped the bag, and instantly blinked when I saw a gleaming white guitar staring face up back at me. "Axel …"

"I think it's time you step up from the acoustic, hm?" He asked.

I looked up at him, completely ignoring his idle banter about the guitar, "Axel?"

"Hm?"

"…Why did you kiss me back?"

He looked at me long and hard, before sighing. "Would you rather I didn't?"

"No …but …" I shook my head.

"You didn't expect me to react in that way?" He asked. Axel grinned, "Well …I'm dense, but I'm not entirely _that _dense. Your aversion to me, your clumsiness around me and the overall love sick puppy dog eyes that you gave me clued me in that you _liked _me in some way shape or form. I however, thought it might have been a passing crush or some sort. Sorry Rox, but you don't exactly give off the 'Hey guys, I'm completely and totally straight!' vibe."

"So you basically acted blind to everything?" I asked, frowning.

"Well …" He tapped his chin. "I …kept asking you what was wrong because some other part of my mind rationalized with me that it might not be entirely …you know …love sickness. Maybe you were stressed out by something else and you just didn't know how to tell me, you know? But …I guess I sort of knew that it wasn't just a passing crush when I saw how you acted around Luxord tonight. I may pretend like I'm oblivious, but I only do it because it's easier to observe people that way, Roxy."

"That still doesn't explain why you kissed me." I said, crossing my arms.

Axel shrugged, "Well …what if I was to tell you that …you were starting to grow on me a little." He shook his head, "No, wait. That's a lie; you were starting to grow on me a lot."

Something in my mind started to click and whirr as it pieced together something Ansem had told me during one of our sessions.

"…_I've come to understand that he cares about you …perhaps beyond the bonds of what he really should."_

"_I know that it would agonize him …to hear that something had happened to you while he was away." Ansem looked back to me, a soft smile on his face, and his eyes crinkling._

…God, I've grown stupid. Why the hell didn't I pick that up earlier? Oh, that's right. I was too busy being love sick over Axel.

He sat down beside me, "You're cranky, surly and probably one of the most anti-social people I've ever met in my entire life, but it didn't deter me from liking you any less. Because underneath it all, I knew who's in there." He pointed at my chest, "And it's alright if no one else knows about it, because at least I do."

I covered my face again and fell over on the bed. "Don't start with the mushy crap, Axel, or I will punch you in the face."

He fell over beside me, and pulled me closer. "You're so cute when you're embarrassed."

"Call me cute again and I'll castrate you."

The front door clicked open and Axel closed his eyes, cursing under his breath. "Interruptions abound."

"We're _homeeeee_!" Demyx yelled loudly as the door slammed. "Axeeelll?"

He pulled away from me, and straightened his shirt, "You …might want to go check yourself out in the bathroom before Demyx and Zexion see you. Concealers on the top shelf."

I looked at him questioningly and his grin only intensified as he left the room. I walked over to his bathroom and turned the light on and closed the door. Besides my messed up hair and disheveled clothing, I noticed a bright red mark beginning to form on the side of my neck just under my chin.

He _left _a **MARK**. I was going to _KILL _Axel.

_Concealers on the top shelf, _my _ass! _I begrudgingly stood on the toilet so I could get to the top shelf, which Axel, being as freakishly tall as he was would have no problem getting. I flipped off the top and ran a finger into the powder and started to run it along the length of the reddened mark. I groaned when it didn't seem to disappear at all.

"Sometimes it helps if you moisturize the area first." Axel said, appearing behind me. "It plumps up the skin."

I turned around to look at him. He walked over to me and took the concealer out of my hand and sat it on the side of the sink. "And you know so much about makeup, because?"

"Well besides the fact that I'm an avid fan of eye liner, I've also been around gay make-up artists." He replied, "They're tons of them in the business; often give you make-up tips during photo shoots and shit."

"Are you sure you aren't one in disguise?" I asked, scowling at him.

He uncapped a small blue bottle and started to smear it over the concealer, "Positive. Besides, I'm a Roxas artist."

"I'm not going to even _ask _what that's supposed to mean." I watched as he rubbed the concealer over the moisturizer and he was right, the spot seemed to fade a lot better than with the concealer by itself.

"All done." He capped both of the bottles and put them away. "Well?"

I turned to look at him. "I'm going to kill you."

"I know." He said. "I'm just leaving my mark on you for weeks to come though."

"Possessive much?"

"I don't like others taking what's mine. Read my horoscope."

"I know, you're a Leo. Aggressive, possessive and you've got an ego that's damn well near close to endless."

"Glad you know these sorts of thing, Roxy. It makes my life a whole lot easier." Axel laughed, and tugged on me to follow him out of the bathroom. "Shit …it's late. Let's get you home."

Truth be told, I didn't want to go, but I knew I would eventually have to. I said my goodbyes to Zexion and Demyx and wished them luck as we were leaving. As soon as we were on the elevator, Axel was quick to steal another kiss from me, pinning me up against the side of the elevator and mounting me on the handle bar on one of the walls so that I didn't have to strain myself by standing on my tippy toes. This height difference thing was going to pose a bit of a problem.

He started talking the moment we stepped out into the humid June air and onto the sidewalk. "Call me when you get home, alright?" He smiled softly at me, "And promise me you won't stop thinking about me until I get back, alright?"

I looked at him, and then his smile broadened, so I looked away and sighed rather loudly. "You sound like some love sick teenage girl."

"Reminiscent of yourself, isn't it?"

"Would you rather I break your face in now, or later?" I snapped.

"I don't mind as long as it's you, Roxy." He grinned. I groaned and he broke out into his usual loud laughter. Axel was quick to hail a cab for me and opened the door so I could get in. He leaned forward, "East 80th between York and East End." He turned to look at me. "I'll call ahead for Sora and let him know you're coming back uptown, alright?" I nodded at him and he smiled at me.

"Take care, Roxy."

The cab driver revved the engine once and Axel stood back from the car. He kissed his index and middle finger, and saluted off to me once. I turned around to watch his fading figure on the corner of the street and sighed as I reclined back into the seat and he was no longer visible. I looked at the clock in the front. It was nearly one in the morning.

"…Excuse me?" I addressed the cab driver as soon as we were out of sight of Axel's apartment. "Can you take me somewhere else?"

"Where to?" The cabbie asked.

"…Kisaragi Body Modification." I said, "199 East 5th street. Between Avenue A and B."

xXx

I honestly don't know what possessed me to travel to Yuffie's tattoo parlor at nearly one in the morning, but there I was, guitar slung over my back and the hood of my shirt pulled over my head as I stared up at the neon sign above me. I paused briefly, and then entered the store. The bell overhead jingled dully and I let the door close behind me.

The first person I saw was a tall man of probably six feet or higher with golden eyes and long dark haired. In a voice that was void of emotion he told me that they were closing. I later learned that his name was Vincent because Yuffie came out from out of nowhere, yelling at him about letting people in the store at the hour that it was.

When she saw me standing there, she instantly retracted her statement and after some quick discussion, I found myself in one of the back rooms of the tattoo parlor being prepped for my second tattoo and possibly another piercing if I decided on doing it. Usually someone gets a tattoo on whim in the wee hours of the morning after they break up with someone, or something traumatic has happened to them. However, that is a _normal _person, and I am not normal by all accounts.

After flipping through the book of designs, I settled on a simple design on my right bicep. There was a kanji phrase that particularly stuck out in my mind. It meant, 'be born again' or 'start life afresh'.

After tonight …I think that's how I was starting to feel.

It took nearly two hours to finish, but when it was done, I was pretty satisfied. I'd leave tomorrow morning for me to bitch at myself for being so stupid as to get a tattoo at such an hour. Besides, Nutcase Roxas was winning this night a million times over. After the tattoo was done, I decided on getting two more piercings. The piercings I had been wanting for awhile now, but never really took the initiative to get done. Firstly, I got a rook on my right ear and a single lobe piercing on my left. By the time I was done in Yuffie's parlor, I was very well a bloody mess and my entire right side hurt like a bitch.

If you were to ask me _why _I decided to do what I did that night, I wouldn't have an answer for you. I'd been on some type of stupid high ever since I'd kiss Axel, and that had led me to act more impulsively than I would like, hence arriving at Yuffie's tattoo parlor to get a new tattoo and something pierced on both of my ears.

Thankfully, I was able to flag down a cab as I walked out onto the deserted street. It seems that even paparazzi have to sleep at sometime because they were nowhere in sight between the time I had left Axel's house to the point of returning to my own apartment at nearly four in the morning.

And then it hit me.

I had forgotten to call Sora and tell him where I was going.

When I took out my phone I saw I had seven missed calls and double the amount of texts from both Sora and Axel. I flipped my phone shut, and groaned. Yes, Sora _worried _about me, I forgot about that …and he was probably going to be in hysterics if he was still awake when I stepped across the threshold of our apartment.

I got into our building swiftly and up to our floor in less than two minutes flat. I tried to close the door as silently as I could, but it was so dark in the house I could barely see where I was going. I took off my shoes and tried to walk as silently as I could to my room, but the next thing I knew, Soro was up and barking up a storm as I entered the house. It wasn't long before Sora appeared, standing in the hallway, his robe on and his arms crossed. His expression was a cross between worry and pissed off.

"Where have you _been_?" Sora asked, walking over to me. "Do you _see _what time it is? Axel called the house at a quarter to one saying you'd be back up town shortly. Roxas! It's ten past three, where the hell did you go?"

"Sora, chill out, I—"

"I thought something happened to you!" Sora said again, walking toward me, his blue eyes still wide and hurt. "Don't _worry _me like that!"

"Sora, I'm sorry." I said. "I forgot, I was in a daze. I'm sorry."

Sora looked at the floor then up at me, "Where'd you go?"

"To Yuffie's." I replied.

He looked at me questionably as I walked away from him and down the hallway to my bedroom. He followed after me and watched me from my doorway as I took the guitar off my back and sat it up against my bed. "What's …that?"

"A tattoo parlor." I said.

"…What'd you do there?" Sora asked.

"Got another tattoo." I rolled up the sleeve to my right bicep and showed him where I had been bandaged up and carefully rolled my sleeve down afterwards. "And two piercings."

"…The last time you got a tattoo …" Sora stopped himself and then looked up at me, "Did something happen with Axel?"

I paused for a moment and then turned around to look at Sora. Before I could answer, my phone went off suddenly and I looked down at it. Axel's number was flashing across the front the screen. I hit the on button and pressed the phone into my ear. "I'm home."

"Where the hell did you go?" Axel's tired voice filtered in from the other line.

"I went down to Yuffie's." I said. "Wanted to get a tattoo."

"…You gave Sora and I both heart attacks." He murmured.

"I know." I said, looking at Sora and then I turned my attention back to the phone, and did something I hadn't done in probably over three years. I cracked a genuine smile. "Sorry."

xXx

"Well." Ansem said as soon as I was finished. He cleared his throat again, shuffling his papers and removed his glass. He massaged the bridge of his nose before he put them back on, "Well …"

"You never saw it coming." I said, crossing my arms.

"…I …" Ansem started, and then shook his head. "…am very ... perplexed, yes. But …" He got out of his seat and walked around the back of his desk. "Here. Axel left me with this. He said it was important that you read it. I had had a feeling something transpired between you two, though I would have never thought it would have been something of this caliber."

I got out of my set and crossed over to where Ansem was standing and took the envelope from him. I looked at the front, and noticed Axel's chicken scratch handwriting instantly. "Thanks."

Ansem looked over at the clock to his left, "My, we have extended our time by nearly a half an hour."

I shrugged, "I talked a lot this session."

"Which is always good." Ansem said, nodding his head. "Well, Roxas …I'm sure when Axel comes back you two will have quite a bit to talk about. Until then, do as he and I both want you to do. Take your life at the pace you have been for the past few months. A few weeks is not as long as you would think it is, and I'm sure the time will pass by before you even know it." He reached for the door. "I'm not going to be in the office next week so we'll meet the next week over."

I flipped the envelope over in my hands again. "Alright."

"Take care until then, Roxas."

xXx

Sora wasn't in when I got home.

He was still slightly upset with me from last weekend, but during the week, it had subsided and we were talking again. Soro was barking me as soon as I got in the house and closed the door. I paused slightly at the front to look at the living room, before turning down the hallway and heading to my room.

She followed after me as I shrugged off my shoes and kicked them out in front of me. Axel, the gold fish that is, was making faces at me the moment I entered the room. I tapped some food into his tank, and made sure he ate it before retiring to my bed. I sat down on the mattress, and looked down at the envelope. I carefully slid a finger under the sealing and flipped the top open and took the letter out.

The letter itself looked a little bit smudged, as if it had been written over and over again as if he had been in a rush and trying to figure out what he wanted to write at the last minute. There were various stray marks and cross outs on the paper, but still it remained legible.

_Dear, Roxas …_

_Should I really write dear? This isn't even supposed to be a formal sort of letter …_

_I'll leave it at Roxas._

Roxas,  


_Okay, so telling you to 'think about me until I came back' wasn't enough for me and seemed kind of cheesy and lame, so I'm writing you this letter …note …whatever the hell you want to call it. I don't know where to start. I know we didn't say all that we could have on Saturday night …and …_

…_Oh, fuck. I told you, I'm no good at this type of stuff, though you'll probably say, 'No, you only said you're no good at starting stories.' Well add letter-note-thingy's to the list also, okay? You can bitch at me about it when I get back. I'll gladly endure it. Anyway, as you're reading this, I'm probably on a jet to Texas with Dem and Zex. Who knows, we might have even landed already. I digress; this is supposed to be about you and I. Not about planes and Texas and …fuck it._

_I want you to take it easy while I'm gone, alright? I've said it before, I know, but it's the honest to God awful truth. I know you have a habit of over analyzing things beyond what they are, because you always wonder if what you have is actually real. And this is _**real**_, alright? Believe that. This paper is real. What happened that night was real, what …we might become is real. Me going away right now or later …or whenever won't ever be the end of things. We've still got a shit load of stuff to talk about when I get back. And if you're patient, which I know you can be when you want to be, the month will pass by sooner than you expect._

_Funny, I can hear you calling me stupid already._

_I'm sorry this is the best I can do for you now, but when I finally got the inspiration to write this, it was a few hours before my plane took off, and I only had enough time to leave it with Ansem before we missed our …jet thing. I don't know how available I'll be while we're on the road, but you have my number if you really need to talk to me, call it. If I'm not around, leave me a message and I'll try and get back to it as soon as I can. Also, Roxas, you really drive me crazy. I just thought that you should know that. __…So how am I supposed to sign this? Yours truly? Sincerely? Truly yours? Sexily apt to write letters?_

…_I'll leave it at love. _

_-Axel._

_P.S. Take good care of Axel while I'm gone! I want to see the little guy alive and well when I get back._

_P.P.S. Please try not to give Sora too many heart attacks. I know you're infamous for doing that. _

_P.P.P.S. …Um …What does P.S. mean again?_

_P.P.P.P.S. Postal note sex?_

_P.P.P.P.P.S. I looked it up. It means Post scriptum. Schnazzy, eh?_

I got off my bed, and bent around to feel underneath the frame. I pulled out the shoe box I was looking for and popped the top open. I inserted Axel's note back into its envelope, carefully folded the back over again and looked at it for a moment. I looked down at the box and then placed the envelope next to the picture of Hayner, Pence, Olette and I at New Years, and stared at it briefly.

He now belonged with the rest of them.

Memories of mine that could not be forgotten.


	27. Doctors and Dealers

**27; doctors and dealers**

I've never been one to become anxious while waiting for something to happen, but that's the way I was feeling for the entire month of July. While I might have claimed to spend my days being bored out of my mind at home, the truth of the matter was, with each passing day, I felt more agitated waiting for Axel to come back. I mean, what would you do if you spent your entire day home alone with a retarded goldfish and an overly excitable seven pound dog?

It got to a point where I decided that I was tired of wasting away at home and I went and got myself a gym membership. Honestly, being in the hospital twice in such a short time had left me a little worse for wear. Sure, I was back at a healthy weight now that the summer had started but I was left with an unwelcome loss of muscle definition that I wanted to rectify.

I met up with Pence and Olette on some occasions and hung out with them around the city. It was reminiscent of old times again. Sometimes it even felt like we had never stopped talking to begin with.

Something that I was thankful for these days was that paparazzi were exceedingly sparse. Not completely gone, but the usual horde was gone. I suppose without the presence of Axel, some random late night admittance to a psychiatric ward, or something 'scandalous' popping up about me, the fodder for tabloids grew thin.

Besides, my 'wild child' days—a nickname used by the media, not me—were long gone. There was nothing _wild _about who I was anymore. You know, people always complain about how young celebrities and socialites—I consider myself neither, I'm celebrity spawn—are messed up from partying, staying out late and other frivolous shit. But when that kid starts to clean up their act, everyone's just waiting for that big relapse to happen so that the tabloids can tear them to shreds once again. It's pretty much a lose-lose situation no matter how you look at it.

Everyone loves a fuck up even if they won't admit it.

Even though things may seem like they were upbeat and positive all around, July wasn't without its qualms. I had a couple of flashbacks about Xemnas. They weren't too graphic, but I could have done without them. I also had a few reoccurring nightmares about Hayner, sometime around late July when his birthday would have been. They went away on their own accord and I didn't think too much of them. I didn't tell Axel about the dreams. He already had too much on his plate already, and I didn't need him having any added stress by worrying about me.

…Axel.

I got a few calls from him while he was on the road. They were somewhat short though, so we did most of our communicating through texts. Axel's shorthand is somewhat atrocious and I nearly went blind trying to decipher what he said. Anyway, from the sounds of it, Warped was going smoothly …except for a few overzealous fans that tried to have their way with Axel on numerous accounts. I'm going to have to talk to him about that when he gets back. Perhaps I am a possessive. …Only a tad.

I'd given a lot of thought to our relationship while Axel was gone. He'd probably want to sit down and talk about it for a long time, just to make sure I knew what I was getting myself into. That's just the type of person Axel was, always _concerned _for people all the time. It was enough to drive me nuts. …Then again, it was my fault I'd fallen for the idiot in the first place.

It might sound like I'm complaining, but honestly, I'm not. Even if I don't admit it, I sort of like his …over protectiveness. Sora's the same way, but not in the way Axel is. Axel will let me go so far but to make my own mistakes, and only pull me back if the situation gets to be too dire or if he doesn't like what's going on at all. Sora, however, probably wouldn't let me out of his sight for two minutes.

Yeah, it really is my fault I fell for him like I did.

As the days dwindled down, I started to wonder what I was going to do when he came back. Well, first there was my hoping that my brain didn't collapse through my skull and fall into my stomach …along with my heart and anything else that caused me to act stupid. His birthday was _exactly _the day after he got back home from Warped Tour. He'd probably want to steal me away for the day and do something.

Speaking of Axel's birthday, I had a pretty hard time trying to figure out what to get him. He'd probably tell me something stupid like, "Oh, Roxy, I wouldn't mind if _you _were my birthday present," He'd probably have that stupid smirk on his face while he said it too. Anyway, since I'm terrible at finding gifts for people, I played it safe and settled on something universal for both men and women. I got him a ring. …A rather _expensive _ring, might I add, but he didn't have to know that. Besides, I've got all this money I don't …ever really use, so who really cares about price tags?

At the end of it all, it just came down to waiting for Axel to come back home.

However, the Friday night before he was due back in New York, I got a phone call from Rikku. Was it just my luck that my sister was going to Warped Tour? That was the only reason Rikku had coerced me into driving her out to Long Island the next morning. Yuna was out of town and she and her friend Paine needed a lift. I was almost going to tell her no until she told me that she had an extra ticket for me if I was too drive them.

…I'll tell you this; it didn't take long for me to say yes.

xXx

"I'm still surprised that you didn't know he never got rid of this car …" Rikku said.

I glanced at her in my rear view mirror briefly and then turned my attention back to the road ahead. When I had arrived at my parent's house that morning, Rikku and Paine were already waiting for me out front. Rikku was quick to drag me off to the garage and was about to push me off to her car when I stopped her and turned my attention on the car next to it.

…Because the car next to her car was _my _car. My old Mercedes. The Mercedes I had thought that my father had gotten rid of when he kicked me out of the house and told me to live with my brother Cloud during my last year of high school. While Rikku insisted we take her Bentley, I told her I'd be more comfortable if we took my own car.

I wasn't too keen on smashing up a car that expensive and I hadn't had any experience driving anything in nearly three years. Not that I was a bad driver, it was just …I didn't really trust myself behind the wheel of a car just yet. She put up a fight, saying something along the lines of our father would be mad if he found the car missing, but I didn't pay any attention to her and told her to go find the keys to the Mercedes.

After awhile she finally broke down and went and got the keys. My father, I had learned, had given the car a _thorough _cleaning because …uh …let's put it this way, some of my old _hiding _places had been entirely cleaned out of what was contained in them. …Not that I was trying to look for anything, or whatever. I was just curious to see what was left in the car from when I had last been in it.

For the entire car ride out to Warped, Rikku talked non-stop about the bands that she wanted to see, and what she wanted to do, and she went on and on and on. Paine and I offered our own two cents whenever Rikku asked us something, but that was it. Sometimes Rikku would ask me something about Axel, to which I usually gave her yes or no answers to.

You know, it would be interesting to know what my little sister thought about her older brother and one of her adolescent celebrity crushes having a relationship together. She'd probably faint from shock or something equally dramatic. Rikku has her moments, I'll tell you that.

My hands tightened around the wheel of the car as my thoughts drifted to Axel again. I wonder how he would react if he knew I was coming to Warped Tour? There would be a strong possibility of running into him sooner than he had expected. I could feel my heart thudding in my rib cage in anticipation. I had been so wrapped up in thinking of Axel, that the only thing that snapped me out of my reverie was Rikku screaming at me that we were about to miss our turn off and to pay attention to the road.

I snapped back to reality and turned off just in time. In a few more minutes we arrived at Nassau Coliseum, ahead of schedule too. We drove around for a little while before I found a parking spot and pulled into it. Rikku and Paine got out while I secured the car, and I followed shortly behind them and pocketed my keys. Rikku had one arm wrapped around Paine and she quickly inserted her other around my own and dragged us off so we could get admitted.

The minute we got in, Rikku was already in on the action. She had already outlined a long list of bands we needed to see, things we needed to visit and then the ever valuable option of 'shopping' time. Our day was packed, and she had seen to it that she missed nothing important. After Paine had looked over the list and handed it off to me, Rikku eagerly added in, "Organization XIII is last on the list! I hear their set is going to be longer than usual cause this is their last stop on the tour. Which is good, because I want a full experience for whenever I go and see them. …Then from there we can go to their booth and you can see Axel, Roxas!"

…I guess it was the thought that counted.

For the entire day I was dragged into screaming contests with overzealous fans, submerged in huge ass mosh pits and given a horrible headache that would probably take over a bottle of Tylenol to fix. I was so thankful when Rikku decided that we all needed to take a break and dragged us off to get something to eat and drink.

I was still feeling the after effects of the last show we had seen with some hardcore screamo metal band whose name I didn't quite catch. My ears were very well close to bleeding. I'm okay with rock and all …but I could do without random unintelligible lyrics that I could barely decipher. After our break, it was back to the usual stampedes and being stepped on as people swayed back and forth and got out of control in the crowds.

When the day started to dip into the early evening, Rikku decided to drag us off in the direction of the merchandise booths. Rikku said she wanted to get in sufficient amount of browsing and buying so that we would have ample enough time to reach Axel's set. I was keeping tabs on time, and when her time was up, I reined her in with Paine and we proceeded off to Organization XIII's set.

Being that this was their last time on the tour, Organization XIII's set was being played on one of the larger stages. The crowd surrounding the area was insane, so Rikku, Paine and I got there a good while before it started so we could get good spots near the front.

Rikku turned to look at me, a grin already on her face, "So! Here we are!"

"Yeah …" I replied, turning to look up at the stage.

"That's all you can say? Yeah? What about …" She tried to deepen her voice to match my own, "'Rikku! Yeah, I'm totally stoked, man. Yo, let's do this!' or 'YEAHHHH BOY!' Huh? Hunnnhhh?"

I looked at her incredulously, "That's more your turf than my own." I replied.

"Oh, you never get excited over _anything_."

Oh, what _she _didn't know. I turned away from her and looked around the crowd again. People were talking amongst themselves, or getting hyped up for the performance. I turned to look back to my sister and she was busy talking to Paine and laughing as she always did. I turned to look back to the stage and instantly stiffened when the lights grew brighter and the crowd started to cheer.

Then Demyx walked out on stage…

…Followed by Zexion … then …

Axel hadn't change an ounce since I'd last seen him. He still had shocking red hair, still had that obnoxious grin and was …still unhealthily skinny. Still the same Axel I had known and abhorred since November. I noted that he had taken some protective measures in guarding his left hand as bent over to go pick his guitar off of an amp to his side. He picked the microphone out of its stand and adjusted it to level height.

He tapped it a few times and then grinned at the audience as he spoke into it. "How you guys feeling tonight!"

The crowd went into an uproar all around us. My sister was among the cheering onslaught, and began jumping up and down and making rock on signs with her fingers. I sighed, and turned to look back up at Axel.

"Well, I guess that pretty much sums it up then." He turned to look at Demyx and then at Zexion. Axel then rounded back to the crowd, "First of all, it's great being back home. It's been awhile since Dem, Zex and I were out on the road like this …sort of has a nostalgic feeling to it seeing you all out here as you are. Makes me feel like we can very well go on doing this forever. I digress, let's hit it guys." He smirked, pulled away from the microphone and signaled with a snap of his fingers to Demyx.

The first few songs they played were high paced and fast, enough to get the unruly crowd even more pumped up than they already were. I was too busy trying not to get knocked in the face by stray hands or elbows, stepped on or pushed around by the big burly idiots who were starting a huge ass mosh pit behind us. My sister had jumped right into the fray along with Paine and the three of us were separated no matter how hard I tried to ease my way back into the huge ass mess.

I really was helpless in crowds …

I finally gave up trying to fight the force of the crowd and let myself travel through the mass of people to the outer edges. When I found myself on the outskirts of the crowd, I heaved a heavy sigh. Trying to get back to Rikku in the overcrowded mess would be nearly impossible.

I would soon realize that it didn't really matter if I made it back to my sister or not, because the next thing I knew, I saw her crowd surfing. Axel, in an instant, turned his attention on Rikku and watched her pass along the crowd towards its edges, and eventually in my direction. Rikku was eventually deposited down on the ground a few feet away from me.

She spotted me as soon as she made her descent and ran over to me, shaking my hands in excitement, "Roxas! Did you see me? I crowd surfed!"

I shrugged, "Yeah, I saw it …"

"Wasn't it amazing! Oh my god, that was so much fun! I have to do it again!" She turned to look at me, "Will you do it with me if I decide to go again!"

"Rikku …I don't know …" I sighed, "Where's Paine?"

"I told her to meet me by the edges. She should me looking for us now." Rikku grinned, "Oh, come on! Let's do it, pleasseee. Axel would _surely _see you then."

I turned to look back toward the stage, and my breath instantly caught in my throat. He was staring right at me. Or rather, staring right in my direction. The broadest smile came to his face when he realized I was looking at him too. So much for the element of surprise. "He already sees me. He was watching you the entire time."

She jumped up, and waved to Axel. "Whooo! Axel!" Axel in turn shook his head, while he lowered it slightly in laughter. He turned to look back at us, a smile coming back to his face when he saw me wave shyly along with Rikku. Paine eventually found us, and silently shook her head at Rikku. When we were all together, we listened to the rest of the set from in the back. When they had finished up their last song, Rikku was quick to turn to me and said, "Come on! I want to get to their booth before everything's sold out!"

She literally ran all the way to their booth while Paine and I calmly followed behind her. When we got there, Axel, Demyx and Zexion hadn't arrived yet and there were various people in the booth buying merchandise. Rikku came over to us with her arms full of merchandise.

"Are you seriously going to buy all that?" I asked her incredulously.

"Yes! I haven't …splurged all that much while we were here. I'm showing my support for the band!" She protested, pointing a finger at me. "I don't see _you _showing your support."

I sighed, "I show my support by tolerating Axel. I think I deserve a gold medal for that."

"Excuse me?" A gruff voice cut in between the two of us. "Are you Roxas Ardenwell?"

Rikku was the first to turn around, Paine dully looked over her shoulder and then I followed. It was a security guard.

"Yes? What seems to be the problem?"

"No problem at all." The security guard answered, as he reached into his back pocket and presented us with three VIP passes and piece of paper. "I'm simply delivering a message."

I opened the paper as I handed the passes off to Rikku and Paine. I unfolded the note and squinted to read it in the fading light. The security guard produced a flashlight to which he gave me and I dully thanked him for. Chicken scratch handwriting. It was from Axel.

_I'd heard rumors that you were here with your sister, but I didn't want to believe them until I saw you for myself. You always know how to surprise, Roxy. I'll give you that. Anyway, I'm sparing you the need to have to wait in lines over by our booth. If you wanna get something, skip the line, pay for it now and then follow the security guard. He'll bring you over to a secluded meeting spot. …God that sounds dirty doesn't it? Anyway, I'll see you soon, Roxy._

I folded the note up, nodded off to Rikku and said, "Go pay for your stuff. Axel's arranged for us to meet up with him privately."

Rikku squealed a bit and dragged Paine with her to go pay for her stuff. My sister came back a few minutes later, two bags linked around her wrists. The security guard took us away to a little clearing near a couple of parked buses. He instructed us that Axel, Demyx and Zexion would be with us shortly and that he would stay with us until they arrived. While we waited, I stayed to myself while Paine and Rikku talked lowly amongst themselves.

After what seemed like for forever, they finally came.

However, only Demyx and Zexion were present at first. They both had their backs to us, waving at a small crowd that had begun to form beyond the gates we stood by. Security was there to hold off a few crazed fans. Cameras were going off every which way, and on natural instinct, the security guard that had been with us before began ushering us away from the hoard and further away from the frenzy.

Demyx recognized us in a heartbeat and ran over to us waving, "Roxas! You came!" He turned away from me and then recognized Rikku who was grinning so widely I thought her mouth would fall off. "And …hey, you're that chick that was crowd surfing earlier. That was totally boss man."

She just kept grinning, and nodded her head. If Rikku was going to react in the way that she had when she first met Axel, I might as well have spoken for her. "…Demyx, this is my sister Rikku, Rikku …Demyx."

He looked at her, then at me, then at her and jumped back in surprise, "You two are _related_?"

"Well, when someone refers to someone as their sister …you know, naturally that would mean they're related." I deadpanned.

"Roxas," Rikku began, slapping my arm down and glaring at me, "Don't be so rude to Demyx."

"Nah, I'm used to it by now. It's how Roxas and I communicate." He scratched his head and turned around. "Ahh …"

"Roxas." Zexion was next to follow Demyx, and nodded curtly to all of us before turning his attention to me. "It's a pleasure to see you again, but I don't think I'm familiar with the two girls behind you."

"My sister Rikku …" I gestured to Rikku who instantly shook Zexion's hand, "And her friend Paine." Paine reciprocated the same gesture as Rikku except with more poise. While Rikku dragged Paine over to blow up Demyx's ear, I stayed with Zexion. "Where is he?"

"He didn't really say where he was going, but he would be with us shortly. I suppose he went to go do something with the roadies." Zexion mused, pressing a curved index finger to his chin. He looked up at me, "You know, he was pretty startled to see you here."

"So I read." My thoughts drifted back to the previous note he had sent.

Zexion looked behind me for a split second, and then back at me, "And then your sister crowd surfed and I…"

"Rikku's …an interesting individual." I said. That's all I could really say for my sister. Zexion was looking away from me again, and I was about to follow his line of vision when two linked hands firmly pressed themselves over my eyes and I could feel a cheek press in close to the underside of my ear.

"Guess who." His voice was low and raspy, exactly how I had remembered it. I flinched a bit in response and reached for one of the hands, but they held firm over my eyes. "Ah, no cheating. Guess."

"The tooth fairy." I replied, deciding to play along with his game.

"No."

"Jesus." I tried again.

"Try again, Roxy."

"If you're trying to disguise who you are, you shouldn't use nicknames of endearment, idiot." I muttered.

"Right back at ya." Axel replied, lifting his hands off of my eyes. Zexion was no longer standing in front of me and had migrated over to Paine and Rikku. I turned around slowly and looked directly up at Axel. He was grinning at me, his arms crossed over his chest. I looked down at the ground and then up at him, "Long time no see."

"The feeling is mutual." I replied, not entirely sure what I should say.

I had this whole vision in my head of my reunion with Axel. We, somehow, would wind up alone somewhere and he'd probably end up kissing the hell out of me and I'd probably lose my brain somehow and …that …that was …not me talking. God, it hadn't even been a full month since I told him how I felt, and I was still reverting back to my stupid and imbecilic ways.

"_How _mutual?" He asked, his grin intensified.

My breath got caught in my throat as I glared at him. "We're in **public**." I seethed. "You can say all that stupid shit later when we're alone, alright?"

"…You didn't mind it _before_." He said, laughing.

I punched him in the arm as hard as I could, "Well I do **now**."

"Ow!" He was still laughing, as he rubbed his arm. "…Sheesh. First time you see me in nearly a month and the first thing you do is inflict bodily harm on me? God, I missed you."

"Oh my … just shut up!" I yelled finally, feeling as if my brain were about to explode.

He stopped rubbing his arm. "Well then, let me give you a once over." Axel began to circle me, "…Well you certainly didn't get any taller, but you're looking a bit more defined." He poked at my bicep and I swatted his hand away. "Been working out, Rox?"

"Only so I can kick your ass harder." I muttered.

He stood up at full height again in front of me. "I see you took care of yourself like I asked." He cocked his head to the left and then did the same to the right. He held his hands out at his ears, "…Did you get your ears pierced when I was gone?"

"The night before you left actually." I replied, crossing my arms.

"You mean after you scared Sora and I half to death?" He asked, his eyes growing a bit glassy at the thought.

I smirked, "That would be the night."

"…Did you just _smirk_ at me?" Axel asked, pointing a finger accusingly at me.

"If you want to think so." I let my arms drop from my chest and looked up at him, "So, what'd you call us over here for?"

"Well, it was so I could talk to you for a little while." He looked around, "How did you get here, first off?"

"I drove Rikku, Paine and I out here." I replied nonchalantly.

"Excuse me, did I hear you properly? You **drove **out here?"

"I didn't stutter, did I?"

"Well no, but since _when _do you drive?"

"You've seen my driver's license." I stated, shooting him a pointed look.

"Valid point …hmmm …" Axel crossed his arms out in front of him, musing loudly.

"Whatever it is, just spit it out already." I muttered.

"Well …do you mind if we spent some time together tonight? I've been cooped up with Dem and Zex for …quite awhile and I need a change of …" He smirked devilishly, "…scenery."

"I have to drop Rikku and Paine back off at my parents first." I said.

"Not a problem." He shrugged. "I don't have anywhere I need to be anytime soon."

"Well ...all right." I turned away from Axel to look over at Rikku who was playing some sort of hand game with Demyx and shook my head. "Figures the two of them would get along right away."

"Speaking of your sister, she's crazy." Axel laughed.

"You're telling me." I mumbled.

"Well …" Axel shrugged. He dug around in his pocket and produced his phone. "It's half past seven …so I won't keep you too long. I'm going to go get my stuff off the bus and then I'll meet you guys out front. What's the car you're driving look like?"

"It's a black Mercedes CLS, license plate RIA214." I replied.

"Gotcha." He pointed at me. "I'll send your sister and her friend over. Security'll escort you out. See you soon, lovey."

"More nicknames?" I grumbled as I felt my face heating up again.

"Terms of endearment." He grinned, and then walked away from me.

Rikku came flying over a few minutes later with Paine behind her. She was holding a shirt out in front of her and grinned. "Demyx, Zexion and Axel all signed it for me!" She reached for Paine's arm where Paine held the shirt in her hands. "Paine got one too! Bro, I must say, you did well by becoming friends with Axel."

"Have you gotten everything you want?" I asked.

She nodded, "Yes! Right, Paine?"

Paine shrugged, "Sure."

"She means yes." Rikku told me, "We're ready to go home now."

I motioned for the two of them to follow me, all the while keeping my view fixated on the sky above. I tuned out the rest of the world, and fought to keep my building smile from reaching the corners of my mouth. Axel was back, and there was no more waiting or worrying. I got my car keys out of my back pocket and unlocked the car doors and we all got in. I backed out of the spot, and turned the car around to head back to the entrance of Nassau Coliseum.

"Roxas, what are you doing?" Rikku asked, looking out of the window and then to me.

"Axel's coming with us." I said, putting the car in park and getting out before she could ask any more questions.

By the time I had pulled the car around, Axel was heading our way. He had his hands shoved into his pockets, with a messenger bag and guitar bag slung over his shoulders. He looked at the car and then up at me. "Nice whip, Roxy. Who's is it?"

"Mine if you must know." I answered. "…Don't you have more bags or something?"

"Dem and Zex are taking them back home for me. Nice of them, hm?" He jabbed toward his back, "They stuck me with the guitar and one of the smaller bags, though."

"Hm …real nice." I eased off the side of the car, "Rikku and Paine are riding in the back, and you're in the front with me."

Wordlessly he opened his door and got into the car. I mimicked the action, and got back into the driver's seat. Rikku was giggling in the back, so I turned around to look at her and she instantly went to go point at Axel's seat. Paine smacked her over the back of the head and Rikku whined in protest. Axel looked at me questionably; I shrugged and started the car back up.

The ride back to my parent's house was exceptionally quiet. Rikku would sometimes lean into the front of the car to pop a CD in or change the station when she didn't like the music that was playing. Axel hadn't said too much to me since we'd left. His gaze was left to the window, and occasionally me at times, but for the most part everyone in the car kept to themselves.

Halfway into the ride, I heard soft snores emanating from the back seat. When I glanced in the rear view mirror, I saw Paine was asleep. When I asked Axel where Rikku was, he said she was curled on her side with her head in Paine's lap. Paine in turn had her head propped up against her knuckles and her elbow rested along the door.

"Long day?" Axel questioned, his voice low.

"Something like that." I eased my foot off the gas pedal, preparing to slow down as we entered a bit of congestion on the highway. I reached over to the stereo to turn it down so I could hear him better. "Rikku planned out everything we were supposed to do today. It's only fitting that when all of its over she'd pass out."

"…Sometimes I forget the two of you are brother and sister." He muttered airily.

"Yes, but no one mistakes Sora and Rikku for siblings. If you ask me, the two of them act more like twins than Sora and I do." I stated.

"Twins are individuals in their own right though." Axel pointed out, shaking a finger at me.

I shrugged, slamming my foot firmly down over the brake pedal. "…Fucking traffic."

"Can't say I missed this part about the city." Axel chuckled, shaking his head.

"Who _does_?" I muttered.

The conversation went stagnant for a good few minutes. Axel hummed lowly to himself, tapping the side of the door. A slow song with a low guitar hummed out of the speakers as the silence permeated and grew longer. Finally, Axel turned to me, his green eyes hazy in the darkness of the car. "Roxas?"

"Axel." I replied.

"You know, I imagined when we met up again it'd be like some gay fairy spectacle or something. You'd jump into my arms and I'd twirl you around and around with your long golden hair flying out behind you and I—"

Before he could finish, I lowered my head into the steering wheel and closed my eyes. "You …are …" I moaned loudly in irritation, "I can't believe I actually _missed _you."

"I can." He replied, leaning over a bit.

I turned to look over my shoulder and frowned a bit, "None of that in here, we're not exactly alone, you know?"

"They're sleeping." Axel murmured, grinning.

"Besides the point." I muttered. I was about to continue my thought when I heard a loud stretch of thunder rip through the sky above. The sky flashed briefly before we heard the thunder again. I cringed when I looked back up at the sky, "Perfect."

"Nothing but a little bit of rain, Roxy."

"You're not the one that has to drive in this mess." I growled, signaling into another lane. The rain hadn't started falling yet, but that was besides the point. The lanes were starting to move again at the signal of the impending storm. I was once again doing close to sixty as soon as we got into the vicinity of Westchester. Another roar of thunder tore through the sky and I groaned.

"Chill, Roxy. I'm sure we'll make it to your parent's house before it starts to pour." Axel said, stretching in his seat. He looked at his left hand and flexed it a bit.

"How did your hand hold up?" I questioned.

"Pretty well, actually. It still feels kinda weird but I guess its okay." A wince came to his face. "It's starting to hurt a bit though. My right one too. You know that whole rain and broken bones thing?"

"I get it in my right arm sometimes." I looked up at him, "…I …broke it when I was a kid."

A few seconds later, he was poking a finger against my right bicep, "Heeey, is that the tattoo you got? Classic kanji, I see. What's it mean?"

"A new beginning …or start …" I replied. He didn't say anything, but I could _feel _him smirking. "Stop smirking."

"I didn't do anything." He said.

"I _know _you're smirking." I said.

Axel didn't say anything after that, but leaned back into the chair again and stared out the window. The remainder of our car ride was quiet if not for the occasional rumble of thunder overhead or lightning flashing through the sky. True to his word, Axel was right. We _did _manage to get to my parents house before it started pouring. As soon as I pulled into the garage, and turned the car off, Rikku and Paine were up.

She blinked blearily at me, before looking to Axel and then me again. "…Are we back yet?"

"Yes." I replied, as I fiddled with the emergency brake.

Rikku groaned and stumbled out of the car after Paine and nearly well fell over in her groggy stupor. She groaned, and drew close to Paine who linked her arm around my sister to steady her on her feet. "God, why is it so bright?" She grumbled.

"Come on you, you're dead on your feet. I'm taking you upstairs." Paine moved her arm lower to cradle Rikku's lower back and pulled one of Rikku's arms around her shoulders.

After he had helped Paine get Rikku into the house, Axel wandered back over to me while I was making sure the car was locked up. When I got out, he was leaning against the roof of the car with his chin propped on top of his hands. Outside, the rain had just started to pour.

"Just in time." He said, grinning at me. "I've got an uncanny sense of time."

I won't deny that. I rolled my eyes at him and was about to say something when I heard …barking …coming from inside my parent's house. I looked at him and then at the garage door. "…Was that a dog just now?"

"Sounds familiar." He said, slinging the guitar bag onto his back. "Sort of like …"

"Soro." I said, walking over to the garage and opening the door. Out of nowhere, a little brown and sable dog came careening toward me, eager enough to jump onto my pants legs. It was definitely Soro. I picked her up when she wouldn't leave me alone and let her lick my cheek as I walked down the hallway with Axel. "Sora!" I yelled out as soon as I neared the end of the hallway.

"He's in the kitchen."

I turned to see Cloud sitting in the living room, watching something on the plasma screen TV. He turned to look at me, "Before you even ask why we're here, Sora called me and said that mom and dad will be gone for tonight. They wanted the …three of us to stay with Rikku for the night." He looked up at me, "But I see like Sora and I, you've brought company."

"Who else is here?" I asked, letting Soro drop out of my arms as she jumped over onto the couch to go and bother Cloud.

Cloud didn't flinch when she started sniffing around him and licking his arm. "Besides you and …" He nodded slightly in acknowledgement to Axel, "Axel, and I …Sora's here and he brought Riku and I brought Leon."

"It's a full house then." I muttered. "Well …if you guys are staying here with her, do I really need to stay also?"

"I …don't suppose you'll enjoy traveling back to Manhattan in this weather?" He turned away from us to glance towards the window. The storm had grown worse since we'd gotten inside.

"Gay slumber party time, hm?" Axel whispered to me, grinning.

I elbowed him in the ribs and hissed back, "You're just as gay as everyone else here."

"I play all fields actually." He whispered back.

I ignored him and looked back at my brother who was looking at me curiously, but didn't bother to question Axel and me. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and then turned expectant eyes back on me. "I'll take it your answer is a no. In that case, you should know a few things. Sora's staying in his old room with Riku, and I'm staying down here in the living room with Leon. There's a two bed guest bedroom upstairs that you and Axel can stay in. Sora's already taken the liberty to bring you some things. They should be in his room but you can ask him about them later. As for now, you two might want to settle in. Sora's in the kitchen now with Riku and Leon making us something to eat."

"Alright." I looked at Axel, "Come on, you."

"Lead the way." Axel proclaimed, following me as we left the living room. Soro was quick to jump off Cloud's lap and follow after Axel and me. Instead of harassing me, she was running circles around Axel, yipping happily at him when he bent down to scratch her behind the ears. "I do believe she missed me, Roxy."

"Don't delude yourself." I replied. I led him down the hallway to the left side of the house. The guest bedroom was the first door on the right, in close proximity with the stairwell. I opened the door, and flicked on the light by the side of the door. It was cool in the room, exactly as it had been down stairs. I turned around to look at Axel. "…Axel, which be—AHHDD!"

Axel had already dropped his guitar bag and messenger bag by the door. The next thing I knew, the door was shut and I was being half pushed, half carried across the room. Axel's arms were firmly latched around my waist and our legs became entangled as Axel worked against me in steering a safe course into the nearest bed. In a matter of second, I was pressed into the bed with Axel hovering above me.

"Axx—" I started, but he cut me off before I could say anything else. I didn't bother to try anything else. I realized that Axel probably has just about as much pent up tension as I did. And now that we were alone as we were, it was probably best that we get all of it out—if not some—without any distractions.

…That was until we _were _interrupted.

There was a knock on the door and in an instant; I proceeded to shove Axel off of me and onto the floor. He hit the floor with a hard thud and I made a mad dash for the bathroom that was connected to the guest room. I didn't look too bad. My clothing was a little disheveled and but my hair was all over the place. I fixed myself as best I could before entering the room again. Sora was standing in the doorway, talking with Axel who was rubbing the right side of his head. When he heard me enter the room, he instantly turned around with a broad smile on his face.

"Roxas! I thought I heard you coming in."

"Yeah …" I cast a glance toward Axel who was sitting on the bed we had currently been on. He didn't look at me. "I wanted to get us a …little situated first."

"No problem!" Sora answered cheerily, "When the two of you are ready too, come downstairs! I could use your help in the kitchen. "

As soon as Sora was out of the room, Axel let his hand drop from his head and stood up. He looked at me, his green eyes narrowed. "Give me warning next time you're going to try and break my skull open."

"Not like you'd be losing anything valuable. Anyway, stop being such a drama queen." I muttered. "Now come on, let's go see what Sora wants."

"Not until you kiss my head better." He batted his eyes at me, "Pleasssee?"

I frowned at him, kissed my hand and pressed it against his forehead. Before he could say anything else, I was already heading towards the door. "There, it's kissed, let's go."

...Yeah ...I _definitely_ missed this.


	28. See The Sun

**28; see the sun**

"Axel move your hand down some …not _there_ …Axel, stop being so distracted and pull it out, dammit!" I dropped the pan back down on the first rack in the stove and glared at Axel when he looked back at me.

"What! Don't get mad at me!"

Sora decided to pop into the kitchen at that moment, looking like he was on the verge of a heart attack. He had his hands raised to his mouth and he was getting redder by the minute. Hmph, wonder why. He looked at Axel, and then to me. "You guys …what are you doing in here?"

"Trying to get this roast out of the oven like you asked us too." I said, kneeling back down beside the stove. "And if _someone _would **cooperate **with me, maybe we could _GET _it out."

"I am cooperating! I just …got a tad bit distracted." Axel said, not even trying to defend himself.

"Oh …" Sora's hands lowered slightly.

"What'd you think we were doing?" I asked skeptically.

"Nothing …" Sora responded absentmindedly as he walked around the kitchen island and pulled something out of the plastic bag on the counter and placed it down beside him.

Finally, Axel and I heaved the heavy roast pan out of the stove and closed the oven door. I took off my oven mitts just as Axel did the same thing. Axel went off to get himself something to drink while I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at the back of my brother's head. "…Sora, can I ask you something?"

"Yes?" He turned around to look at me, a thoughtful expression still in his eyes.

"…What …exactly prompted you to make _all _of this food for just one night?" I looked around us at the multiple pans he had out all over the counter, all of them full of food.

"Well …I didn't really see anything all too healthy to eat in mom and dad's fridge and I decided they'd might appreciate a home cooked meal when they get back in." He grinned a bit, "And you know I can't resist cooking when they're so many people in the house …especially when someone has a special day coming up in a few hours."

Axel looked Sora and then me, "You told him, Roxas?"

"I might have let it slip somewhere." I answered nonchalantly.

"And he let it slip to the worst possible person, too." Sora said, his grin only broadening. "I love celebrating birthday's …and since you're with us tonight, why not start the night off with a big hearty meal?"

Axel smiled, "How thoughtful of you Sora." He walked over beside me, setting the cup of water he had gotten on the counter in front of us. "I know Roxas would probably want to celebrate my birthday by inflicting bodily harm on me in some way, shape or form."

I glanced upwards at him, "I'm surprised you expected more from me."

"I can see it didn't take long for the two of you to get back into you're natural routine." Sora muttered gleefully, "It's been quiet without you, Axel. But I'm sure Roxas has told you all about it."

"Not yet, no." He turned to look at me.

"Oh …" Sora said, "Well …if you guys are hungry and want to eat, everything's all ready. I'm going to get started on dessert. Axel, you like chocolate cake don't you?"

"Sure." He grinned. When Sora turned around, he leaned toward and whispered into my ear, "I'd appreciate it even more if you were _covered _in said chocolate cake, Roxy. You know …as a special birthday present? So I could lick you clean from head to toe, starting with your—"

Before he even had the time to pull away from me, I proceeded to step as hard as I could on Axel's right foot and stalked away before he could even try and stop me. I drew a hand over my face, and groaned inwardly as I could feel it heating up. I was going to have Axel arrested for sexual harassment one of these days.

I walked out of the kitchen and into the living room where Cloud and Leon were sitting watching TV. I walked past the two of them, headed upstairs, and down the hallway to Sora's old room. The light was on, so I knocked first. Riku answered the door a few moments later, and allowed me to enter when I asked him about the stuff Sora had brought me. He motioned for me to follow him into the room and gestured toward two bags, one significantly larger than the other. He handed me the smaller bag and I continued on my way to the guest room Axel and I were sharing.

I dropped the bag on one of the beds and began to rummage through it for something to sleep in. If I didn't get into the shower sometime soon, I was going to go crazy. Being outside all day in the sun had left me feeling as if I'd just rolled around in sand and then jumped into the ocean as a means of washing off. In other words, I was in dire need of a shower and fast.

I gathered a white t-shirt and a pair of dark flannel pants in my arms and walked off toward the bathroom to go and get into the shower. When I came back into the room, a towel thrown over my shoulders, Axel was sitting cross legged on one of the beds, a nearly empty plate balanced on his knee. He was currently flipping through various channels on the plasma screen TV mounted on the wall opposite him.

When he saw me enter the room, he grinned. "I was wondering where you got to."

"Away from your deranged and perverted fantasies." I muttered.

"Care to make them a reality? I'm always game."

"Don't you have something else to do besides harassing me?" I sighed.

"I haven't seen you in nearly a month. Texting and phone calls offer but so much. It's much more entertaining seeing your actual reaction." Axel chuckled, "You're cute when you're flustered."

"I'm _not _getting flustered and what did I say about calling me cute?" I sat down on the bed next to him, running the towel over my head again. "What are you watching?"

"Brooke Knows Best." He answered, twirling a fork around in his hand. "I have to say, it was much more entertaining when the whole family was on the show. Brooke …isn't all that interesting, you know ...beyond the man chin that is."

"She's not _that _bad looking …" I said.

"Nor is she exactly that attractive." He countered.

"She's average."

"A little bit less than average." Axel said, holding up his thumb and index fingers for emphasis.

"Being a bit critical, aren't you? Are you channeling me?" I asked, pursing my lips slightly.

"I told you, you're rubbing off on me." He grinned, putting his fork back on the plate and pushed it off to the side, away from us.

"Really?" I asked, turning to look up at him. "And is that a bad thing?"

His response came as a low, throaty laugh as he linked his arms around my waist and pulled me towards him. He pressed his lips on the upper shell of my ear, his teeth grazing the skin gently. "No."

I flinched on instinct and was about to say something when I heard movement just outside the door to the room. Two abrupt knocks followed before the knob turned and I pulled away from Axel. Instead of Axel falling onto the floor this time, it was my turn. The moment I pulled away from Axel I lost my balance and fell into the small crevice between the two beds with a resounding thud. Axel heaved a rather loud sigh as he peered at me from over the edge of the bed.

"Jesus Christ! How many people are in this house tonight!"

I rolled over onto my side, and pulled myself up to level height alongside the bed. Rikku was standing by the door dressed in Juicy Couture sleep paraphernalia, with her hair pulled into a side ponytail. She looked at Axel and then me and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm knocked out for all but an hour or so and suddenly a bajillion new occupants have suddenly appeared. It's like a huge ass sausage fest in here! I'm completely out numbered! Where are mom and dad? What's going on and …why are you on the floor?" She huffed loudly. When Rikku was tired she had this habit of going on and on about stuff nonsensically. The best way to deal with it was to keep a level head and talk to her calmly.

I pulled myself up to full height and winced as my right arm started to throb, "You're best off asking Sora where our parents are. We're all here for the night because they're not going to be home tonight and they don't feel safe leaving you and Paine here all by yourselves. As to why I was just on the floor, don't worry about it." I grimaced, ignoring the broadening grin on Axel's face as he attempted to stifle his laughter, "And please don't mention sausages again, Rikku. That's …disgusting."

"It's true!" She snapped, "God, I've got Sora and Riku making stupid kissy faces at each other in the kitchen while they bake a cake together or some random shit. Then I walk in on Leon and Cloud buried on the couch, whispering too each other like they're on some top secret mission and the whole world will implode if someone were to hear what they were saying." She paused, and then pointed at Axel who looked like he was going to explode at any given moment, "And ...you manage to drag Axel here …not that I mind though, of course. It's always nice to see you Axel ..." She smiled a bit, the sides of her mouth twitching slightly, "But do you see what I mean? Sausages! Everywhere I go is sausage fest." She took a deep breath, "…What're you doing here anyway, Axel?

"Simply Roxas's tag along for the night. Would have been my ride home, but …it's storming outside and I really don't want to be caught in that mess." He grinned, "Don't allow me to be the reason why you stop your ranting."

She shook her head, "I wasn't finished in the least." Rikku fiddled with the end of her pony tail, her eyes going skyward, "I love you guys and all, but there's too much lovey dovey rainbow sausageness going on here tonight. Did mom actually _say _it was okay for this many people to be in the house?"

"Once again, you need to ask Sora that." I shook my head, "Either way, don't worry about it Rikku. We'll all be gone in the morning, so just go back to sleep. If you're hungry, Sora cooked, so there's food downstairs."

"I just came from downstairs." She mumbled.

"Well if you just came from downstairs, why didn't you ask Sora why we were all here?"

"I told you, he was too busy imaging himself sucking Riku's face off and I didn't want to interrupt _that_. Cloud's in la la land also, so I came to talk to you because you're just about the only one who isn't smitten with a boy toy."

At that moment, Axel placed two hands firmly over his face and left the room for the bathroom. I stared after him, narrowing my eyes as he closed the door to the bathroom. I was going to kill him when Rikku left. "I'm honored."

"You should be, friggin sausages." She shivered, "On that note, I'm just going to go back to sleep. Tell Axel I said goodnight, and I'll see all of you in the morning."

"Night." I closed the door after her. I turned on my heel and crossed the room. When I yanked open the door to the bathroom, I saw Axel sitting on the toilet with his arms wrapped around his sides and his face pressed into his lap.

He looked up at me, his eyes crinkled and wet from laughing too hard. "Sau …saauu …"

"…You are an _idiot_." I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest. "I have half a mind to kick you out of this house and out into that god damn storm."

"But your little sister …she's made of pure _fucking _gold." He said, pointedly. "God, your family's more entertaining than you give them credit for, Rox."

"No, you're just an idiot." I repeated.

"Aww, come here." Axel grabbed the back of my shirt just as I was about to leave him in the bathroom and go back into the room to go watch Brooke Manly Chin Hogan Knows Best. "Is poor Roxy getting frustrated?"

"Get off of me." I grumbled. I didn't bother to put up much of a fight when I ended up in Axel's lap, with his right hand massaging the small of my back. I pulled forward, resting my chin into the groove of his neck and sighed.

"I've got an idea that's worth your while. What do you think about us locking that door tonight?" He whispered as he kissed my cheek and squeezed me gently, "No interruptions that way, huh?"

"…That …would be definitely worth my while tonight."

"I thought so, too."

xXx

"Roxy, move over a little bit, please?" Axel mumbled tiredly.

It was close to one in the morning when Axel and I finally settled in for the night. Between a quick make out session in the bathroom, hearing my sister screaming down the hallway at Sora and Riku to 'keep quiet', and Soro's non-stop barking, it had been an eventful night to say the least.

"Axel, this is the third time you've had me move tonight. It's not my fault you're so freakishly tall and can't fit in a bed with two people." I grumbled, turning onto my side so I could look at him.

"I'm not **that **tall …" Axel countered, sitting up to stare at me in the darkness, "…besides, _you _were the one that invited yourself into **my **bed."

"Taller than me, is tall enough. And correction, you literally _begged _me to come get in your bed."

"It's my birthday." He replied, lowering himself into the covers so that we were at eye level. In a moment, he had his arms linked around my waist and was pulling me toward him. Axel put on a stupid baby voice as he cuddled me against his chest, "I just want my wittle Woxy next to me!"

"Since when did I become yours?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Somewhere between the moment you kissed me last month and today." He answered smugly.

For some reason, I couldn't find a quick enough come back and I settled on glowering at him in response. He pressed his index finger softly against my nose and grinned. He slowly reclined back into the pillows, one arm underneath his head. I silently lowered my head against his chest in response, my mind going elsewhere. After a few moments, I sighed.

"Something wrong?" He asked me, his voice low and soft.

"Just thinking." I responded, keeping my face buried in his shirt.

"About what?" He prompted me, again.

"About …" I paused, and then picked my head out of his wife beater, "Axel …have you given any thought too …?" I chewed on my lip, unable to get the question out.

"From the way it's taking you forever to get your question out, you must be referring to us." He looked toward the ceiling and away from me, "…I'll tell you this, Rox. Starting a relationship is always strange. There's always so many things you have to feel out and …things are kind of awkward in the beginning…" Axel answered. He shifted the weight in his legs so that I fell between them, "But …it gets better. It's a new situation, and with all types of new situations comes …you know, new challenges and all that sort of stuff. I'm not exactly sure you're comfortable with referring to me as …" He trailed off, not finishing his thought.

"I never even formally asked you out."

"I think the kiss sufficed." He laughed. When his laughter died down, he peered down at me, "Maybe we should go out on a couple of dates. Figure out our relationship apart from live in and …abusive charge. What do you say?"

"Sure." I mumbled.

"I'll hold you to your word." He let out a content sigh, "So …how've you been since I left?"

"You want the truth?" I asked.

"It's what I was hoping for …but I wouldn't mind a little white lie if you told one."

I let out a long sigh, "Bored …completely and inexplicably _bored_. I got to spend some time with Olette and Pence …but apart from that I never really did anything."

"You worked out though." He squeezed my arm for emphasis and I swatted his hand away.

"Yeah …well …"

"What? Were you trying to bulk up for big daddy before he came home?" Axel grinned widely.

"Just so the punches would hurt more." I answered nonchalantly. "And _please _don't ever call yourself big daddy again."

"Speaking of punches, that _did _hurt, I hope you know. I'll probably be entirely black and blue before I wake up …well, can't really say tomorrow. Wake up …today? Whatever, when I wake up." He shook his head, "How were your friends while I was gone?"

"…Friends?"

"Paparazzi, media, the …morons. Whatever name you'd prefer for them."

"They left me alone, really. I guess since their favorite celeb spawn 'train wreck' is back on his feet, there's not much to report about me like in months past. They'll probably pick up again since you're back in town." I sighed, "I don't know if you've noticed, but the tabloids seem to love us when we're together."

"I think we complement each other nicely."

"Hmm …"

Axel paused briefly before he started to speak again, "Roxas, can I ask you something?"

"Yes?"

"This is going to be a bit random, but hear me out anyway. I've been here a couple of times now and I've been wondering. Has your family always lived in this house? I mean …I thought you grew up in Manhattan …and whatnot so …?"

I sighed, looked up at him curiously and then lowered my gaze, "I did. My family, meaning my mother, father, Sora and Rikku, moved into this house over the summer before my senior year. I …" I shook my head, "Cloud and I didn't come with them. He had his own place in the city by the time he was eighteen and I …well _I _was in rehab on the other side of the country for the summer."

"…Now that you mention it …I do remember hearing something about that in the tabloids a few years back…" Axel murmured. I wasn't sure if he was talking to me in particular or musing to himself, but I continued speaking anyway.

I shrugged, "My father wanted to move out of Manhattan as an act off 'distancing' himself from me and keeping a 'safe' environment for my sister and brother to continue to live in—Rikku more so than Sora. He wasn't in the least bit worried about Sora, being the model son as my brother was. But, Rikku, he wanted to protect her to no end. One family fuck up was more than enough. If his youngest turned out like her older brother in any way …well, my father wouldn't have it. As soon as I came back from Arizona, he sent me off to live with Cloud for the next year until Sora moved back down into the city and I moved in with him. …Actually, I ended up living with Sora because Cloud had to leave New York for awhile and moved out to Los Angeles. I wasn't willing to move all the way across the country and no one felt comfortable leaving me alone after …well…the …" I paused, hitting a mental block.

"Rox?" Axel looked, peering at me. "Rox, you okay?"

I shook my head, whispering lowly. "I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?" Axel asked. I didn't respond as I racked my mind for something to say. "…If this is something you don't want to talk about, you don't have to, Roxas. Don't think I'm pressuring you."

"No …I should." I muttered, looking away from his gaze.

"Well then go ahead if you want. I'm listening."

I let my eyes close as I took a deep breath. "No one wanted to leave me alone because that was the first time I attempted suicide. Hayner …was the catalyst." I looked up at him briefly to catch his expression, but it remained as it had the entire time I had been talking. I guess nothing I said really surprised Axel anymore. "I was at my wits end by the end of the 2005. Cloud wasn't exactly sure how to help and I didn't exactly remedy the situation because I wouldn't open up to or talk to anyone. The media coverage on me got really insane during my last year of high school. …Everywhere I went they were always there to catch whatever I did. I …didn't understand what they wanted from me. I was just a walking shell of my former self. After the news broke over my first suicide attempt, Cloud was seriously looking into taking legal action against the mobs that formed outside our building on a daily basis. He hired a bodyguard for me and put me back into therapy with a man named Saix, who is by far the worst psychiatrist in the tri-state area."

Axel looked at me questionably, "How …so?"

"The only thing he was good for was putting me on some type of medication, trying to up my doses on various meds or trying to prescribe new ones for me. He was all about money. The medicine did more harm than good, I believed so anyway. I was usually too tired or screwed up mentally to function most of the time. It's a miracle I was even able to graduate as I did. Anyway, a year and a half later, my second attempt came and well …" I tried to swallow past the lump forming in my throat.

"You can stop anyway, Rox. It's alright; I've gotten the gist of things."

"…No." I shook my head, "Communication is key in a relationship, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah, but we don't have to talk about this now if at all…" He murmured. "It's getting late and …"

"Axel, I said I wanted to. If it proves to be too much, we won't talk about it anymore." I stated as I curled up on my side, "Did …I ever tell you about Xemnas?"

"...Not directly, but I've been under the impression that you can't stand the guy. You…" Axel shifted his gaze away from me when he saw the curious look I was giving him, "You mentioned him a lot the night you were readmitted to the hospital in January."

"I don't remember too much of what happened that day..." I responded.

"I'd rather you didn't." Axel said, "It …wasn't exactly a pretty sight."

I could imagine. I looked back up Axel, and yawned deftly as I continued to talk. "I had flashbacks. Rather …was getting flashbacks when you first met me…"

"…Flashbacks as in …" He trailed off as if he knew the answer but didn't want to say it.

"Flashbacks as in …I was reliving traumatic memories of the past. That would probably be the most probable explanation for what caused my mental collapse that night. They got to be too intense after time …and after awhile I became too far gone to even try and make sense of them anymore." I looked away from Axel, lowering my gaze toward the door.

"And …they were about Xemnas, right?"

"Yeah." I mumbled, turning back to look at Axel. "…He …he did …some things to me as a child that I won't get into right now. Basically screwed me over for the rest of my life and helped to land me where I am right now." I paused momentarily, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What did you do while I was in the hospital?"

"Well I had a ton of meetings with your brother and Ansem. Sora kept insisting on bringing me back even though Ansem kept telling us that your mental state was volatile, dangerously so in fact. That's why none of us were allowed to visit you while you were all holed up in January. It's also why Ansem wanted to remove me as your live in. Even though Sora desperately wanted me to stay, Ansem was …the professional so it was completely up to him at that point. Eventually though, Sora won him over and you were right back under my wing, Roxy." He smirked softly, "It was really boring without your daily snark and sarcasm. I missed you, Rox. You don't know how happy I was to see you again when you finally got out."

"You don't know how happy I am to see you now …" I whispered, burying my face into his stomach again. I was starting to get tired. The long day plus talking for so long was finally taking its toll on me.

"What was that?" Axel asked, an amused tone to his voice.

"You heard me, don't make me repeat myself." I said.

"Roxy, you're too cute for your own good." Axel laughed, a hand flying to his mouth to silence the noise.

I immediately picked my head off of Axel's stomach and glared at him. "What have I **told **you about calling me cute?"

He poked my nose softly with his index finger and smiled, "But you _are_."

I dropped back onto Axel and lowered my eyes as I sighed loudly. "…Kill you in your sleep …"

"Love you too." Axel rested a hand on my head, "You're really snuggly, you know?"

"Axel. Really. Shut up." I muttered, trying to fight the urge to fall asleep right then and there on his chest.

"But you are …like a life sized little bunny or something."

I didn't have the energy to fight him anymore and I felt my eyes drooping lower. "…Life sized punch you in the face …"

I faintly felt Axel moving to brush the hair away from my forehead, "Getting tired?"

"Mmmrh." I answered, not wanting to talk anymore.

"Alright then, Rox." Axel laughed as he rolled over onto his side, me going along with him. He pulled me up against his chest. In return I fell in closer, pressed the left side of my face against his chest, and let the steady thump of his heart lull me to sleep.

xXx

The next morning I was assaulted with irritating sunshine, the loud murmur of voices passing back and forth outside the door to the guest room and …Axel …a _whole _lot of Axel.

Somewhere during the night we had moved away from sleeping side by side, to Axel sleeping somewhat half on top of me, half hanging on the bed. If it weren't so cool in the room and I didn't care about being suffocated by Axel, I would have shoved him off of me in a heartbeat.

His legs were sprawled out and entangled in mine, and he had shifted during the night so instead of his chest being parallel to my face, we were nearly cheek in cheek. He was still asleep when I woke up, and seeing as he was very well crushing me into the bed I wasn't eager to go anywhere anytime soon.

I took the opportunity to let my mind wander until Axel woke up.

I still couldn't believe that he was back. Yet, here I was in my parent's house, in a guest room with Axel sound asleep on top of me. The whole thing was a bit …scandalous in some sort of strange way. I could see the stupid tabloid headlines now, "Roxas is so not gay gay for va jay jay." …Where the hell did they get those sort of stupid titles anyway? And if I were gay, I wouldn't like …vagina anyway. …Unless they were _implying _that I was somewhat of a girl in anyway. I have that fat douche Perez to thank for that.

God …_Roxanne_.

I turned to look at Axel, whose face was parallel to my own. I had never really gotten a good hard look at Axel while he was sleeping. …It made me want to melt just a hard as when he smiled or grinned at me. He actually looked …_innocent _when he slept. That's the best way I could have described it. …Innocently unaware of everything. He didn't snore—which was a plus, let me tell you. I had to sleep in the same room with Sora for nearly sixteen years, and that was absolute hell. I don't know how Riku can tolerate sleeping in the same room with him.

A sharp inhale of breath and slow movement underneath the sheets alerted me that Axel was waking up, or somehow entering the land of the conscious once again. Axel looked up at me, and smiled softly as he leaned forward to kiss me on the forehead and wished me a good morning. He fell back against my shoulder, closing his eyes and yawned into the pillow. I in turn whispered happy birthday to him and he mumbled a word of thanks. He fell back asleep a few minutes later and left me alone with my thoughts again.

That didn't last too long though, because the next thing I knew, someone was screaming downstairs followed by dishes shattering and a loud exclamation of, "FUCKING HELL! YOU STUPID FRIGGIN DOG!"

Axel groaned into my shoulder as he rolled over and tried to bury his face deeper into the pillows to silence the noise. A few minutes later the profanities grew louder. My sister's squeaky voice came a few minutes later and then Soro was barking up a storm. Axel and I ended up getting out of bed eventually after he realized he wasn't going to get any more sleep with the noise going on downstairs.

Getting ready in the morning was no easy feat. Axel had managed to corner me against the bathroom counter just after I had brushed my teeth, for an early morning make out session. He had jumped me before I even had a moment to turn off the water taps, causing the entire sink to flood over and soak the back of my pajama pants to the brim. Axel, of course, found it hilarious when I pulled away from him to shut the water taps off and then turned around to half-heartedly curse him out.

Eventually, in all our dysfunctional glory, the two of us finally got dressed and ready. Everyone in the house had already woken up and were all in their own little respective areas by the time we went downstairs. There was Sora, who was busy jabbering away to Riku as they cooked breakfast. Cloud and Leon were outside in the back yard doing whatever it is that the two of them do and then there was Rikku and Paine. Rikku was busy screaming her head off at someone on the phone while Paine sat idly by her side watching television with Soro, who was curled up at Paine's side. We didn't have to wait long for anything, because the moment that we came downstairs, Sora was calling everyone in for breakfast.

Breakfast was wonderful. I mean that in …the most sarcastic way possible.

Rikku was preoccupied looking from Riku and Sora, to Leon and Cloud and then finally toward Axel and I and then grinned widely at me when she caught me staring at her questionably. She made a stupid kissy face and nodded off in the direction of Sora and Riku. Next she made a little 'grr, I'm angry' face as she jabbed off to Leon and Cloud. Then she looked at me and Axel and pointed at the two of us and smirked, drawing a question mark with her fork and then chewed on it with her two front teeth.

I sighed, drawing my hands over my face and dropped my fork on my plate as she continued to stare at me, the smirk still on her face. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that my sister was trying to ask me what my relationship status with Axel was. …Was there need for speculation?

Rikku probably thought so, she speculated about everything and everyone. And you know what? One hundred percent of the time she was usually right. She finally turned her attention back to her food, still smirking away. Axel hadn't caught a single bit of the entire thing. He was too busy staring off into space with a vacant look in his eyes.

Just as we had wrapped up breakfast—my parents came home. My mother, like Rikku had predicted, was startled by how many people were in the house, but was grateful that we had stayed the night with her nonetheless. My father immediately took Cloud, Sora, Rikku and I aside to tell us where they had been the previous night before. Turns out our grandmother had had a little medical scare the night before. But, she was doing fine as of that morning and would be discharged later on in the afternoon. They'd be out again that night so it was established that Rikku had to stay with one of us for the night. She opted, as usual, for Cloud's house.

We stayed in the house for a little while longer until it came time for Sora, Cloud and I—along with our company—to leave and head back down into the city. After I talked with my father for a little bit he relinquished the Mercedes back into my possession and Sora, Riku, Axel and I all piled in. Cloud and Leon were heading back into the city with Leon's car. They would be dropping Paine off along the way.

Technically, the Mercedes was supposed to be a joint seventeenth birthday present from my parents to Sora and I. Yet, seeing as I was the only one that took the initiative to get my license, the car was pretty much all mine to begin with. Sora didn't really care though; he had Riku to drive him around everywhere just like he does now.

Axel and I didn't talk that much on the way down but Sora was more than happy to fill in the silence for all of us. He and Axel eventually got into a conversation, which soon involved Riku and sometimes me, if I felt like talking. At the moment, my mind was elsewhere.

It was Axel's birthday and as a faithful …um …more than a friend, but …not exactly a …you know—the b word which I refuse to use. Anyway, I wanted to do something special. Preferably with just the two of us …but ultimately it'd be up to Axel to decide. So I waited to pop the question. I dropped Riku and Sora off at our apartment first, promising Sora that I'd be home shortly after I dropped Axel off at his loft. When I finally arrived at his street, I turned the car off, took my sunglasses off and propped them up on my head as I turned to look at Axel.

"Do you have any plans for tonight?" I asked.

"Mmm …not in particular …" He scratched his cheek, "I think Zex and Dem mentioned wanting to do something, but I'm not entirely sure if they wanna follow up on it. Why?"

I chewed my lip momentarily, and then looked up at him. "Would you go out with me tonight?"

He leaned forward a bit and then smirked, "…Are you asking me out on a …_date_, Roxas?" I looked at him, my expression cross. My hand instantly flew to the ignition to start the car up but his hand instantly flew over mine and he laughed. "Don't get so upset, Roxy." He smiled. "As for my answer, _yes_. I would like to go out with you tonight. Will it be just the two of us?"

I dropped my hands from the keys, "Yes." I sighed, "I want a quiet evening."

"Well then. It's a date." He looked at me, cocking his head to the side, "Do you have any place in mind in particular?"

"It's called being surprised, so don't even think about trying to get it out of me."

He shook his head at me, a grin still plastered on his face. "Should have known …" Axel reclined in his seat and then sat up to look at the clock. "What time are you talking about meeting up?"

"I'll make reservations for seven thirty. I'll swing around to pick you up at seven." I said.

"Well …guess I should get out so you can head back uptown and get going with your preparations. Pop the trunk, would you?" He got out of the car just as I pressed the trunk button right above AC vents. Axel came back around a few minutes later with his guitar on his back and his arms crossed over his chest. "One last question, love. How should I dress for the occasion?"

I looked at him and then down the street before I let my foot hit the gas pedal. "I'll tell you what you always tell me." I reached for my sunglasses on the top of my head and put them on, "Dress …sexy." I caught him smirking briefly before I hit the gas pedal and sped off down the street. So it was a date.

…Our _first _date.

Oh jeez.


	29. I'm Making Eyes At You

**29; i'm making eyes at you**

There wasn't a moment that I stood still, while waiting for my phone to go off.

I paced back and forth in my room, popping my knuckles as I went. Soro, as usual, had taken up residence on my bed and was watching me curiously as I walked back in forth. Axel—the fish that is—pretty much did the same thing whenever I neared his tank. My phone started to beep, letting me know when six thirty had rolled around.

I checked my appearance in the mirror in my closet, brushing off imaginary wrinkles on my shirt. I sighed as I withdrew from the mirror, closed the door to my closet and turned away. I checked my pockets for my wallet, keys, phone and sunglasses. With resolve, I reached for the door of my bedroom, turned off the light switch by the door and walked out into the hallway just as Soro toddled out behind me.

"Roxas?" Sora questioned, looking at me as Soro jumped onto the couch in-between him and Riku. "Well aren't you dressed up? Where are you going?"

"Out with Axel." I replied, rubbing the edge of my shirt on my sunglasses.

"Ahh …" Sora said. He looked toward Riku briefly, thinking I didn't catch the smirk that was on his face when he turned back to me trying to fiend innocence. He stood up, walking over to me. "Well, I don't want to keep you."

"Right." I turned to unlock the door and turned back to look at him. "I don't know when I'll be home, don't wait up."

Sora took the door into his hands just as I stepped outside into the hallway, "Don't worry about it, go out and enjoy the night, Rox."

Soro came over to stand by him, wagging her tail as she looked up expectantly at me. I bent down to scratch her behind the ears and she turned to lick my hand affectionately. I leaned past Sora to wave goodbye to Riku and then turned to Sora, "See you, don't do anything …too …_you_ …while I'm gone."

Sora grinned, "Likewise. I'll see you when you get home."

I waved out behind me as I walked out of the hallway, and pressed for the elevator. It came a few seconds later just as Sora closed the door while saying something to Soro. I nodded once to the doorman as I exited the building and headed down the street with my hands in my pockets.

A pleasantly light breeze wafted through the evening air, bringing with it the smells of the greenery in the area. As much as I hated the heat and humidity, summer was all the while pleasant for at least _some _of the weather it brought. I started the car up, pulled out of my spot and sped off down the street. As soon as I reached a red light, I reached around in my pocket to pull my phone out. I fiddled with for a few seconds on the steering wheel and turned it on speaker just as the light turned green.

The phone rang twice before it picked up. "Rox—oh _fucking_ hell you are! Demyx, get o_ff_. ZEX! Come in heee—DEMYX—I'm not …" Axel started laughing loudly, as something thudded to the ground, "I'm …I'm not playing! Demyx! Get …get off!"

"…Axel?" I asked, pulling up to another red light.

There was static on his part. "Roxas? Sorry about that …Demyx …is an idiot."

"Tell me something I don't know." I said, "I'm on my way down."

"Where are you?" He asked.

"About to get onto the FDR. Are you ready?"

"…Yeee-DEEMYX!" The phone went dead. Getting a bit agitated, I dialed his number again and waited for it to pick up.

Roxas?" A low, calm voice answered it.

"Zexion?" I asked in return, realizing that nearly the only person with sense in that house had picked up the phone, "What the _hell _is he doing?"

"Demyx is …currently attacking Axel." Zexion said, clearing his throat. "He's ready though. Just call when you're downstairs. I'll have his phone nearby."

I sighed, "…Sometimes I wonder what would happen if you weren't around."

"…I reciprocate the feeling completely." Zexion replied with a sigh. "I'll let you go so you can focus on the road."

The line went dead so I dropped my phone down by my thigh and sighed as I turned my full attention to the road. I leaned forward to turn the radio on to some random station, and reclined back into my seat. My mind was racing despite my calm disposition.

Dinner alone with Axel, this was a first. Usually whenever we went out on a special occasion it was in the company of someone else. But no, not for tonight. I wanted it to just be the two of us. In the back of my mind I made a mental list of everything I should watch out for tonight—overzealous fans, the media …the …_weather_?

The sky was turning into an ominous shade of grey with a few sparse openings in the clouds for the sun to poke out from. Hopefully it would pass with time; I seriously didn't want to put up with the rain tonight. I passed through the FDR a little bit ahead of schedule. I drove through Union Square, headed up 6th Ave and turned onto Axel's street. I was about to call him when the door to his apartment building opened and he came strolling out. His hands were in his pockets and there was a hint of a smirk on his face the minute he saw me. I popped the locks and allowed for him to get in.

"Aren't we punctual?" He asked, his smirk widening.

"Just what _were _you doing earlier?" I asked as he got into the car and closed the door behind him.

He took out his phone momentarily to check it and then turned to look at me, "…Demyx …was being himself. That's the best way I can explain myself."

I sighed, shaking my head and pushed the gear out of park and put it back into drive. "Zexion said he was _attacking _you."

"…That could be a reasonable explanation." He smiled cheekily at me, "So! Where are you taking me tonight?"

"I told you before, it's a surprise." I said.

He snorted, "I know …but …I wanna know. Come on, Rox. Just give me a _little _bit of a hint as to where you're taking me? Is it Japanese? Italian? Spanish? Maybe it's a combination of the three?"

"Maybe it's a you can sit in your seat and shut up before I pull this car over and beat you over the head with my phone if you keep asking me questions."

"So abusive …" He muttered, crossing his arms and looking out the window.

I couldn't deny myself a small smirk at his comment. I turned the car around and headed for our destination for the evening. I pulled the car to a rolling stop when—thankfully—I was able to find a parking spot not too far away from where I was taking him.

I looked at Axel then peered out of the rear window. "…Do you think we were followed…?" I asked as I put the car into reverse.

"They probably know I'm in town and they know you were with me earlier today so I wouldn't doubt anything." Axel said as he removed his sunglasses from his head to use his shirt to clean them.

I shook my head, unbuckling my seat belt as I eased out of my seat to peer behind me. I sat back down in my seat again and put the car into park. I'd be damned if this night ended up in hell. He looked to me and then grabbed the handle on the door and pushed it open. I reciprocated the same action as I withdrew my keys from the ignition and closed the door. Axel hopped up onto the sidewalk, and stared at me expectantly.

"Well don't you look nice tonight?" He said, grinning.

I stepped onto the curb, staring right back at him. "Thanks …" I hadn't gotten a good look at him while we were in the car, but standing out here on the curb outside the car he was on full display.

He had taken the liberty to do something with his hair instead of having it wild and about as he usually did. It was pulled into a low ponytail at the base of his neck without a strand of hair misplaced. He wore a snug, light black jacket that was tapered at the waist over a tight white shirt and form fitting grey jeans with a hint of sage in them. On his left hand was a fingerless leather glove.

…He'd …definitely taken heed to what I had said alright.

You know for one, I was glad that I always had sunglasses with me no matter what the situation was. They were perfect for blanking out on someone whenever you felt like it, and they'd never know. I was giving Axel the same treatment now as I looked him up and down for what seemed like eternity. It took him waving in front of my face and snapping his fingers at me, to get my attention.

"Rox? Roxxxyy? Hello? Earth to Roxas!" He tapped my forehead just in time for me to swat him away.

"Stop before I break your fingers." I snapped, frowning slightly. "I was thinking."

He looked at me smugly, drawing his right hand to his hip and switching his weight onto his right leg. "…About _what_?"

I could feel my face heating up, and ducked my head away from him, "None of your business, that's what."

Axel caught up with me and quickly drew his arms around me and tried to drag me into a hug. "Aww! Come on; tell me what's on your mind, Tinkerbell." In retaliation, I pushed one hand up into his face and the other into the upper part of his abdomen as he did nothing but laugh at my resistance.

"Come _on_, you retard! We've got a reservation!" I finally pulled myself out of his hold and sighed as he finally let go of me. I straightened myself out, and pointed in the direction that we were supposed to be heading in. "This way."

Axel pocketed his hands into his jacket and looked down at me, "Judging by the neighborhood …I'd say you booked something …_pricey_."

"As if that's a problem." I said, looking up at him.

"Just making an observation here." He replied, grinning.

Axel followed closely beside me, making small conversation the entire way. I gave him small one or two word answers as I checked to make sure we were going the right way. Finally the restaurant came into view and I grabbed his hand and gave it a small tug and let it go when I got his attention on me. I pointed off in the direction of the restaurant and he followed after me.

The name of the restaurant was _Lisbon_. It was a small, intimate sort of place—you know—romantic candle lit dinners for two or the other popular alternative, a nice dinner for a small group of friends. I like to think of Axel and I as somewhere in-between the two.

The hostess behind the desk smiled at me as I stepped up to the desk, "Name, please?"

"Ardenwell." I said, "Party of two. We have a reservation for seven thirty."

She immediately went into action before I could even get through my last name and gathered up two menus and gestured toward us. "Please, sir. Right this way, sir!"

I turned to look at Axel who shrugged and gestured toward me to follow the woman. We followed her through the main area where a few heads turned as we walked by. I heard a few customary female giggles and dismissed them as quickly as they had come. We were shuffled off to the second level of the restaurant, and put in one of the more secluded booths away from everyone else. She sat us down, bowed a bit and quickly walked off back down the stairs to her post.

I turned to Axel who hadn't yet picked up his menu and was staring out at the scene below us, "Nice place you picked, Rox."

I picked up the menu and started to sift through it, obstructing Axel from my view. "Usually they're booked solid around this time of night …but a few name drops here and there can always do you good."

He leaned forward, tilting the menu down so he could look at me. "Finally taking advantage of that name of yours, huh?"

"I don't do it enough." I said, nonchalantly. I nodded off toward him, "Look through your menu, I'm sure our waiter will be here soon to take our drink orders."

Axel picked up his menu and gave it a quick once over before setting it down and eying the drink menu, "Rox, would you mind if I ordered a bottle of wine?"

"Whatever you want. It's your birthday." I said, lowering my menu.

"I thought you don't drink." He said, his eyebrows rising curiously.

"…It's …" I paused for a moment, "…It's a special occasion."

He grinned, and went back to look at the drink menu, "Special enough for you to bring me to a Portuguese restaurant, huh? Don't think I didn't notice the moment we stepped in here."

I didn't let him catch the smug look on my face, as I pulled my menu back up. "Surprise."

He laughed in response, and put the drink menu down and went back to the regular menu. A few minutes later, I still hadn't decided on what I wanted to order food wise, but I knew I wanted regular water to drink. If Axel was going to order the wine, then I guess I'd drink that too.

"I think I'm going to get the bottle of Palácio da Brejoeira."

"What's that?" I asked, leaning over the table.

He held the drink menu out so we could both look at it. "A vinho verde. Says it tastes like apples and nectarine. Made from one hundred percent Alvarinho grape…" He looked up at me, "Sounds good, right?"

I sighed, "That sounds entirely too fruity for me." I took the drink menu from him, "Don't they have red wine or something kind of tart?"

"It's a vinho verde; of course it'd be sweet." He rolled his eyes at me as he crossed his arms over his chest, "I should have known you'd complain about anything being too sweet. You like anything you eat or drink to be bland and tasteless."

"Not true, I drink strawberry daiquiris."

"Yeah, like once a year." He smirked, "Red wines are right under the whites, you see anything you like?"

I browsed through the list for a few minutes and found nothing to perk my interest. "You know what …" I said, looking up and down the extensive list of wines. I closed the book and pushed it back over to Axel, "Why don't you order a bottle of that wine you mentioned before and then find a good red wine for the both of us. I don't care about the price."

"You sure?" He asked, taking the menu back up. "I don't want to get anything too expensive …"

"Axel."

"Well alright then." He grinned, and began browsing just as our waiter came to the table.

"Good evening and welcome to _Lisbon_. My name is Adriano and I will be your server for tonight. If you will, may I start you off with your drinks for the night?"

"Water …" I started, "For both of us."

Adriano wrote down on his pad and then looked up at me, "Is there anything else you wish to order to drink?"

I shook my head, "No, thank you."

He turned his attention on Axel, "And what about you, sir?"

"A bottle of Barca Velha, please." He said, looking up at Adriano.

"Ah, an excellent choice." Adriano nodded, "Will that be all?"

"For now, yea …" He turned to look at me, "Unless you're ready to order your food …"

"I'm not sure what I want yet …so …" I looked up at Adriano, "Can we get a few more moments, please?"

"Please, take your time." Adriano smiled, "I'll go put your orders in and be right back."

"Thanks." I turned to look at Axel once Adriano left. "I thought you wanted that …Pala …fruit wine thing?"

Axel shook his head, "Yeah, but then I saw that they had Barca Velha on the menu. Trust me on this; it was the better wine to go with than the Palácio da Brejoeira. It's just about one _the _best wines out there." He leaned forward, "Now, do you know what you're getting?"

"I'm still trying to decide." I murmured.

After a bit of bantering back and forth on what we wanted to order, Axel and I finally decided on our first and second courses. Adriano came back shortly with the bottle of wine and poured the first glass for both of us and then sat the bottle down on the table between our two glasses.

As soon as he took our orders, Axel lifted his glass to mine and grinned. "What do we want to toast to?" He asked me.

"Your birthday, first off." I said.

"Yes, getting old. Lovely." He murmured, tapping his chin. "But we need more than that."

"Let's try this …" I said, "We'll toast to …prosperity in the coming years. I think that just about covers anything that needs to be said." I lifted my glass parallel to his and we clinked. I took a small sip of the wine, and let the taste settle down on my tongue before I took another sip. I looked down at the glass and took another sip, this time longer.

Axel merely grinned at me as he set his own glass down and drew the back of his hand underneath his chin, "Well?"

"I'll give it to you, it _is _pretty good." I set my glass down, narrowing my eyes at him. "But don't you think for a moment that you're getting me intoxicated tonight. Need I remind you, I'm the one that has to drive us back home."

He shook his head, holding his hands up innocently. "Hey, I didn't intend to."

I tapped my finger on the table, glancing out at the restaurant's first floor. People were laughing and talking, waiters picking up and dropping off food at nearly every minute. There was soft music playing all throughout, adding only to the atmosphere instead of taking away from it. I had to hand it to myself, I think I did pretty well for tonight.

We didn't have to wait long for Adriano to come back with our first course, and just as soon as we were finished with that he was bringing in cheese and the second course. We continued dinner that night with light conversation, nothing to heavy, just casual. Also, Axel had a habit of never staying out of my plate. I had to very well stab his hand with one of my forks to get him to stay out of it and stop stealing food from me.

The buzz of the wine went straight to my head by the end of dinner. By my third glass of wine, I was feeling warmer than usual even though the restaurant was a bit chilly. I don't think Axel caught on that I was getting any sort of buzz from the wine; I was surprisingly good at holding my liquor.

After we were done with dinner we ordered dessert, to which Axel ate all of it and forced me to eat one bite even though I protested to him how full I was. Even though the evening had been relatively quiet, and we had been left alone, by the end of the night two teenage girls had managed to sneak their way up stairs and find us. Axel didn't seem to be too perturbed about being disturbed, so he quickly gave them what they wanted when they approached our table. Two autographs and a group shot later they were gone. Adriano brought us the check to which I stared at a few minutes before slipping a credit card into and the pocket and paid.

By the time we were finished with dinner, it was only a little past nine o'clock. We sat around for a few more moments finishing off the bottle of wine before getting up and leaving the table. After a quick stop to the bathroom, we were out of the restaurant with bidding from the overzealous hostess who had greeted us from before.

As soon as Axel and I had taken a few steps out of the restaurant, a few paparazzi were waiting for us. With the combined darkness of my sunglasses, the darkened sky, the flashes of cameras going off every few seconds and my inability to focus at all from all the shouting, I was glad that I had Axel in front of me to guide me in a straight line. Otherwise, in my current state I knew I would have gone careening into the street or somewhere else. Eventually we made it back to the car, and got in. The cameras started to disperse as soon as I started the car up and made the move to turn out of the spot I was in.

When we were a good while away from the restaurant, Axel turned the radio down and turned to look at me. "Rox?"

I turned to look at him as we rolled to a stop at a red light, "What is it?"

"Where are you headed right now?" He leaned forward, a curious look in his eyes. He held his thumb up against his chin in thought, and cocked his head to the side.

I hit the gas pedal again. "Back down to your house. I didn't make plans for after dinner in case you wanted to go somewhere…" I glanced at him briefly, "Why do you ask? Is there someplace you have in mind?" I asked.

Axel broke out into a small smile, "You can say that."

"Where to?" I asked, grasping the steering wheel firmly with both hands.

He shook his head, "Keeping heading back down to my house, I'll show you when we get there."

xXx

I remember Axel mentioning he had a motorcycle.

But you know, he never mentioned that I had to ride it at any point in time. Rather, I think it would be more accurate to say that I didn't think I'd be riding on the back of it any time soon. I also didn't think I'd ever been so terrified in my life being on the back of that thing.

I don't care about _how _hard I was holding onto Axel's abdomen—(so hard, I think I was suffocating him. Think of an irritating grandma hug. You know …the one when they just about crush your bones and talk about how much you've grown and need to eat more and all that other grandma nonsense)—I seriously felt like I was going to fly off the back of that bike at any given moment. For the entire ride I kept my head pressed against Axel's back and kept my eyes closed as I held onto him for dear life.

I was _not _looking forward to ride home, I can tell you that much.

When we had arrived back at Axel's house he had me park my car in the garage across from his house, took me upstairs to his apartment for a moment to grab a pair of helmets and then led me back out and to his bike. I had looked at him incredulously—as if he _actually _expected me to ride on it.

…But he did. What he didn't tell me though was where he was taking me. That was a surprise.

Right, like it was _my _birthday instead of **his**.

When Axel finally did stop the bike, I had no clue where the hell we were. I remembered the trip in snippets—us leaving Manhattan, and then entering the Bronx and now …well, wherever we were was anyone's guess. Axel had to pry my hands off of his jacket when I refused to let go. He practically carried me off the bike as I stepped onto the ground with shaking legs. He was smiling at me as he took off his helmet and then undid mine a few seconds later.

"You okay?" He asked, looking down at my shaking hands.

"…Oh _yeah_, completely." I said, trying to settle my hands by crossing them underneath my arms. I looked behind me and then back at him, "…Where …are we?"

"I like to think of it as the place where I grew up." He looked away from me, and then toward me again, "I'm speaking figuratively here."

The area surrounding us was void of anything. No cars, no people, just the sounds of summer bugs and the occasional rustle of tree leaves. I looked up questionably at him as he extended a hand to me. "Where _are _we, Axel?"

"Geographically speaking, we're somewhere on the outskirts of New Rochelle." He waved his hand out at me again, "Now come on and take my hand."

I stared at him momentarily, crossing my arms over my chest. My hands were still shaking when I went to go reach for his. His hand was warm even in the slight chill of the night. Axel turned around to look at me, squeezing my hand and then began to lead me through some brush. He didn't let my hand go until we reached a clearing in all of the brush and came up on a wide expansive area of sand and the pungent smell of the ocean.

Barely any type of light filtered in from the other side of the land across from us, the moon was the main thing that illuminated the area around us. There was a long abandoned dock leading out toward the ocean which Axel was pulling me to. He glanced back at me briefly and I saw a small smile on his face in the dim light. Axel finally let go of my hand, walking out to the very edge of the docks. He dug one hand into the back of his pants pocket and rested his other arm across his forehead as he gazed up at the night sky.

"Before we played our first official show, I ran away." Axel began to speak. He turned around slowly to look at me, motioning for me to come toward him. He sat down at the dock, crossing his legs out in front of him and slouching a bit. I sat down next to him, looking at him. "This is where I came."

"Why'd you run?" I asked.

"I was young, Rox. Seventeen to be exact. Even though I talked about how I was ready and everything else, I snapped underneath the pressure and ran away the night before we were set to play." He looked up to the sky again, "The plan was for all of us to stay the night at Dem's house and we'd leave out for Manhattan in the morning. For lack of a better word, I flipped, stole Demyx's car and drove off without another thought in my mind but getting away. When I was driving that night my mind just went blank for awhile. Without any sense of direction, I eventually landed myself here. Don't know how, I just did. I took a long breather and just tried to get my nerves straight."

"Then what happened?"

"Marx, Dem and Zex eventually found me at nearly four in the morning. Dem was pissed to see that I'd nearly exhausted a full tank of gas in nearly one night, but over all, they were all glad that I was alright." He chuckled lowly, "My first paycheck I ever got from any gig was spent filling the tank of Demyx's car back up."

We were quiet for a minute, the gentle rocking of the ocean and the twittering of bugs permeating through the silence. I finally turned to look at Axel and popped my question. "So why'd you bring me here?" I asked.

"Well …" Axel began, "I kind of wanted to find a place for us to talk. Away from interruptions and all that other stuff. It's been awhile since I've seen you. I wanted to …catch up and stuff."

"And stuff." I said, nodding my head to the side.

Axel shook his head as he looked at me, "You know what I mean."

I looked down at the water below us, "We've talked though…"

"Not …to the extent that I wanted us to." He said, glancing at me.

I looked at him, my expression growing a bit pained. I felt like we were going around in circles here. "Well then what do you want to talk about?"

"In the note I sent you before I left, I said to you that we have a lot that we have to talk about."

Oh. He wanted to talk about _us_. "…Oh."

"You sound disappointed." He said. "Something wrong?"

I shook my head, "No …" I didn't exactly know what I was feeling, to be truthful. "It's nothing, Axel. Just …go on, you start."

"No, if something's wrong, tell me." Axel said, shaking his head.

I sighed, feeling my shoulders becoming weighted down in that instant. If he wanted me to tell him, then I would. "I missed you …first off, let me tell you that much. I missed that stupid grin of yours, the stupid face you make whenever you start thinking about something too hard or for too long, your cockiness, your ability to always liven up the mood of any situation and just …I _missed _**you**. I'm not going to lie about that."

He smiled a bit at me, "I make a stupid face when I think too hard?"

"Yes, you do. Now, stop distracting me." I snapped, "I've been thinking. I don't mind the little hugs and kisses here ... or sleeping in the same bed and whatever else it is that we do. But …but, I honestly got to thinking about us for a little while and I've been trying to rationalize how I feel about this and …"

"And?"

I took a deep breath and turned to look at Axel. "What am I doing, Axel? I mean …honestly, what am I _doing_? When you came back and I got to see you again that was probably one of the happiest moments of my life. I don't think you understand how much I…" I shook my head, "…There are moments when I just …when I doubt that I'm doing the right thing, we're doing the right thing by …being together. I don't mean it in the sexuality sense; I mean it on a personal level. You and I, together as two people regardless of sex, race, nationality, whatever. Just …us." I drew my legs up from hanging off the dock and tucked my cheek against my knee, "I knew you'd want to talk about this eventually, but I guess you can say that I wasn't really prepared for it right here and right now."

"I admit that maybe I should have given you a bit of time to adjust to me being here again but …" He leaned forward, "I didn't want to give you the chance of running away from this."

"I don't do that anymore." I muttered.

"Rather, I think you try not to." Axel said, leaning back to stare up at the sky again. "Rox, I told you last night that this is a new situation for you. Not only for you, for me too. I think ...it makes things harder because the both of us are in the public eye so often, there's no way this relationship is going to be an easy one. We can work at it, we can really really work and try at it, but in the end …" He turned back to me, "…It all boils down to if you and I are both willing to."

"You don't think I already know that?" I asked, "Do you how hard it was to dance circles around the tabloids while Hayner was still alive?"

He looked back at me in surprise, "You …and …Hayner?"

"Calling him my …" I grimaced a bit, "…_you know_ …wouldn't be the appropriate term to describe him. He was something to me like what Marluxia used to be to you. There were rumors even back then that I wasn't exactly as straight as I let on. We told no one. Not even Olette and Pence. No one really knew what was going on with us. I, however, let one person know, besides you that is. That was Naminé. Then again, she always had a feeling that I wasn't exactly straight."

Gaydar?" He asked, a bit confused.

I rolled my eyes at him, "No, it wasn't gaydar. She was my …first consensual sex if you must know. We were only fourteen and …it didn't really end up being that great and things were awkward between the two of us for awhile. It just didn't really measure up to what either of us thought it would be."

"So I _was _right." He said.

"No, retard, you weren't. She was never my girlfriend."

"Experimentation, then?" He asked.

"That would be a more accurate term. Naminé was probably my closest friend before Hayner came along in middle school. She transferred away to a specialized arts school and the two of us grew apart. We kept in touch and all but …there was little else beyond that." I narrowed my eyes slightly, "Hayner was …the enabler for a lot that went on in my teen years. He basically introduced me into his own little world after I really got to know him. Anything that I ever wanted to try, Hayner made a reality—drugs, alcohol, sex, whatever. Being with him is what really threw me into the public eye. Both of us came from respectable, well to do families. And both of our mother's both had backgrounds in show business and that whole Hollywood deal. So when the two of us paired up together, it gave the press all the more reason to follow us around. Especially when they got word of what was going on in our social scene—it made great fodder for every trashy tabloid magazine out there." I glanced at him, "Honestly, if they can't get some young and out of control celebrity, the next thing a tabloid will turn their eye on is a celebrity's child. Teenage fuck ups make the tabloid world go round, you know?" I grimaced slightly, "I suppose …I believe in the long run, I was just trying to find something in Hayner during the entire time I was with him."

Axel bit idly on the skin of his thumb, "Personally, Rox …I believe we _all _try to find out something about ourselves in the relationships that we develop with other people. Everyone is influenced by each other and we're all interlinked with one another whether we like to think so or not. It's a small world …and life is short …" He shrugged, looking away from me and down at his wrist. "If you want to do something, then you should do it. Live out your regrets later …at least you did it and now you can live with the results, right? It's better than never knowing …"

I grew quiet for a moment as I thought about what Axel said. _Live with the results, it's better than never knowing_. I turned to look at him, "…Are you talking about us?"

"I'm talking about everything in life." Axel said. He turned to look at me, his expression a bit solemn. "I have a lot in my past that I regret, but life's a learning experience. You have to fall down and then you have to pick yourself back up. It's like when Marx left us a couple of years back. ...We had to pick ourselves up out of the gutter and keep pushing forward. Things aren't always going to be the same. Things have to change. It's either you adapt to the change or you end up destroying yourself. That's …just the way life is."

"It's like you coming into my life this year, right?" I murmured, looking away from Axel. "When I tried to end things the second time around, I was delivered another chance from you. Honestly, Axel, after Hayner was gone; I couldn't fathom the idea of opening up to anyone ever again. It …just hurt too much. He opened my eyes up to what was really going on around me. It wasn't always in the healthiest way, but Hayner made me feel like I was worth something. Ever since …Xemnas fucked me up as a child I always had this complex where I felt like I wasn't worth something. Then when he died, I reverted back to who I once was." I shook my head, "…Being reclusive as a child always gave me comfort when things got to be too much. For lack of a better word, to deal with what was going in my life within these past few years, I simply regressed into the old habits of my childhood. Being alone and pushing others away always worked for me then, so I think I just thought ...why wouldn't it work for me in the present?"

Axel smiled softly at me, "It was a good thing I came in when I did then, hm?"

I hesitated for a moment and then slowly returned the smile with a small one of my own. "I guess it was."

Axel stared at me for a good while, and then leaned in. "Did you just smile at me?"

The smile faded away from my face as soon as it had come and I turned away from him. "You know what you saw, don't push the subject."

"It's just that …I've never seen you smile before." He smiled softly at me again, "You should do it a lot more often, Rox. You look nice."

…He _liked _my smile.

I was thankful it was so dim in the surrounding area, because I could feel a faint blush creeping up onto my cheeks. I love how Axel and I can always go from some deep, profound 'soul searching' conversation into me being reduced to the mentality of some moronic high school girl whenever Axel compliments me, flirts with me or teases me in some way.

I shook my head and muttered that he was an idiot as my response. A few minutes later, I remembered something I had forgotten to do earlier that night. "Oh, before I forget." I reached into the top pocket of my jacket and pressed the small box into his hand. "Happy Birthday."

Axel looked at me, and then took the box and held it up to his ear as he shook it gently. "I wonder what you got me…"

"If you drop that into the water I'm going to kick your ass off this dock and leave you here for the night." I seethed, as soon as he stopped shaking it.

Axel laughed lightly then popped the box open. He stared at it for a few minutes and then looked back at me. "Rox …this …"

The ring was white gold, inset with a ruby in its center with multiple diamonds surrounding it. On one side of the ring I engraved his initials, and on the other side I engraved my own. I sighed, "No, I already know what's going in that mind if yours. I'm _not _asking you to marry me."

"I wasn't going to say that but if you wanna…" He laughed softly again, looking down at the box, then back up at me as if waiting for me to continue speaking.

"What I'm giving you right now is a promise ring," I glanced down at the box in his hand, and leaned over to gently pull the ring out of the box. I held it in my hand for a moment, fingering it tenderly. "…In terms of friendship one usually gives one a promise ring to signify a lifelong promise to remain loyal no matter what. For us, however, I wanted this to be more a less a promise that even if …everything doesn't work out with us how it is now …that I hope we'll still keep close, no matter what happens in the future."

Axel cracked a sideways smile at me. "…Can I ask you something, though?"

"Yes?"

"How'd you get my ring size?"

"I called a reliable source." I said, turning around so that my knee was pressing lightly against his thigh.

He looked confused for a moment as he took time to think, "Reliable …" Axel cocked his head to the side, and then back as one of his eyebrows slowly rose. "…Who the hell is a reliable source?"

I sighed, "Zexion, Axel. Now give me your right hand."

"Hey, you know …if you put it on my left we can pretend like we're engaged." He wiggled his fingers at me and grinned.

"Then we'd be like the male version of Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan." I pushed the ring onto his right finger, and dropped my hands into my lap afterwards. "I don't know about you, but I don't want to give the tabloids any more fodder for stupid ass stories."

"You know I was engaged to Larxene once?"

I looked up, "For how long?"

"Oh until she caught me with Marx that night in Japan." Axel said, laughing a bit hesitantly. "You know, I'm glad things ended up the way they did though. It's better this way."

We both sat quietly for awhile, staring out into the darkness of the night. After a few minutes, Axel leaned over to link his left hand with my right. He ran his index finger over my knuckles as we sat staring out into the water in companionable silence. After some time I broke the silence and turned to look at him. "Axel?"

"Hm?" He turned to look at me in return.

"When are you leaving again?"

"You mean on tour?" Axel asked. "Well between now …and towards the end of summer we'll have to get a whole bunch of stuff in order. Practice, line ups, all that other stuff. If all goes as it should …I should be gone somewhere between the beginning of October and I'll be back by the end of December."

"It's …not for long then."

"You did July without me; you think you'll be fine for three months?"

"I'll be busy myself by late September." I said. When he looked at me for an explanation I gestured with my unoccupied hand. "I …said yes to my father's business proposal. By the end of the summer I'll be learning all the ins and outs of Ardenwell Corporations. Besides, my father was barely older than I was when he inherited it from my grandfather."

"I just have to ask you …" Axel said, "Are you doing this for yourself?"

"The way I see things is that …I don't want to spend my entire life looking after this company. I want to eventually go back to college, go on and make my own way. This just something that I'm going to do in the meantime while I try to figure everything in my life out." I turned to him, "Does that clarify anything for you?"

Axel nodded, "Yeah, it kinda does." He looked down at where our hands were linked together, "You know, it's like me and being in a band with Zexion and Demyx. I don't see myself doing this for my entire life. I've been thinking that after maybe another album or two …we'll all break apart and go on with our lives. I've been doing this for about …seven years now. We've had a good run but …it's got to come to an end at some point in life, right?"

"Everything has to change." I said, quoting him from earlier.

He turned to me, and smiled. "Yeah."

"…So about us." I said, looking at him a bit unsure of myself. "We'll just …"

"We'll keep going for however long we can." Axel said, and that settled it.

He unlinked our hands, and instead leaned in toward me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. I reached up to where his arms were linked around my neck to hold onto his arm gently. We stayed linked together like that for some time, watching the gentle roll of the waves slap against the shoreline and then recoil only to repeat the same process.

I adjusted myself in Axel's arms, leaning my head against his shoulder. "What time is it?"

Axel shifted a bit to pull his phone out of his pocket. He held it out in front of both of us, clicked a button on the side and let out a low whistle, "It's …it's past two."

I sighed, "…I think …I'm going to stay with you for the night."

"Are you sure?" He asked, drawing away from me.

I stretched my legs over the side of the dock and hunched over. "Positive. Sora's at home right now probably …_entertaining_ Riku and I'd rather not walk in on them this late in the night. Who knows what they two of them are doing."

Axel snorted, "Is Sora still trying to hold up that façade?"

"Every now and then it'll come back." I said, shaking my head. "He's just shy with his relationships with people."

"So you two _do _share something in common." Axel said, reclining back in his spot.

"…I'm not shy, just private." I snapped. I straightened up and got back onto my feet. "Axel."

"Hm?" He turned around to look at me.

"…I …" I crossed my arms over my chest, tapping my foot against the wood of the floor. "I appreciate you bringing me out here tonight …it was nice."

He didn't say anything, but his usual smile manifested itself in his eyes. Axel stood up just as I did and stretched for a few seconds. He stared out at the area around us, and then turned around to look at me as he extended his hand. "Ready?"

I took it without another word.


	30. Piazza New York Catcher

**30; piazza new york catcher**

"Shhh …" Axel pressed a tentative hand against the front of the door as he withdrew his key. The door moaned in protest as he pushed it open. The loft was dark, devoid of all sound as the two of us entered. Axel quickly motioned me in as he shut the door behind the two of us.

I bent over to unlace my shoes while simultaneously glancing over my shoulder to look at Axel, "Are Zexion and Demyx in?"

"They're probably sleeping." He turned the light on by the door to a low dim as he braced himself against the wall. Axel kicked his shoes off to the side among a multitude of others that were pushed up against the wall beside us. He yawned loudly as he waited for me to finish with my own shoes and then motioned me to follow him as soon as I was done.

I followed him into his bedroom where I dropped my shoes by the door and he wandered over to his dresser and started rifling through drawers. He slammed the drawer he was looking in shut and got down on his knees to pull open the ones on the bottom.

I looked down on the floor around me, sidestepping and picking up various articles of clothing that littered the floor and drew them up into my arms. I dumped the clothing onto his bed and sighed. "…You know, maybe if you cleaned your room up a little bit you could find something."

Axel stopped looking through drawers, and turned to look over his shoulder at me. "…I had a hard time finding what I wanted to wear for tonight. Didn't really have time to clean up before I left…"

"Well did you have to throw everything all over the place?" I mumbled, crossing my arms. I took a seat over by his desk, dropping heavily into the chair pushed under the table.

He shrugged and turned back around to the dresser in front of him. I turned my attention to his desk which was just as cluttered as the floor of his room. There were folders, a laptop, papers, pens, pencils, books, and the occasional CD or random album case littering its entirety. Honestly, he was just as bad as Sora. How the hell they _found _anything in a pile of mess was beyond me.

Axel grinned as he waved a t-shirt and a pair of plaid pajama pants at me. "Not sure how they'll fit on you but …I looked for the smallest size I had." Axel set the clothes down on the bed and started to undo his jacket, which he also tossed off onto his bed. "Are you hungry or anything?"

At the mention of food, my stomach made a small gurgling sound and I stood up. "A little."

He laughed, "Are you sure only a little?" Axel scratched his head, and yawned deftly. "I'll go see what we have …I'll let you get changed. Meet me in the kitchen, okay?"

I nodded at him, wandering off to his bathroom to go and change my clothing. It had been a long night and to be honest, I was ready to get out of the clothes I had been wearing. I threw off my jacket and shirt, and pulled on the t-shit Axel had given me. It was a medium and still a bit large, but it probably fit me better than any of his other shirts. I tightened the draw string to the pants he gave me as tightly as I could, but they still dragged on the floor and bunched up around my hips. Wearing his clothes as I was now, it made me wonder what the hell _he _would look in any of my clothing.

I snorted at the thought, gathered my clothing back up and went back into his room. I deposited my clothing onto his desk chair and walked out of Axel's room and down the hallway into the kitchen. Axel was standing in front of the stove, in a wife beater with his shoulders hunched as he stared at a box in his hands.

"Honestly, do you just strip off your clothes everywhere you go?" I asked, standing by the entrance to the kitchen. Granted, he had on a shirt but …

Axel turned to look at me, "It's hot in here. Aren't you hot?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

I shook my head, "I thought it was kind of cool in here actually …" I flexed my feet against the linoleum, "What are you doing?"

"I'm debating on whether or not I should make this pasta." Axel set the box down on the counter, "It has cheese in it though …"

I began walking over to him, wincing at the cold floor. "Trying to kill me are you?" I asked, turning to look at him for his reaction.

He smiled faintly at me and picked the box off of the counter again. "The thought never crossed my mind, actually."

I stared at him in disbelief, "Not even when we first met?"

"You mean when we were the epitome of dysfunctional?" He asked, looking at me with a widening smile.

"I didn't think we changed." I replied nonchalantly.

"Well aren't _we _funny tonight?" He set the box down on the counter and turned to look at me full on. "You know, I think I could get used to seeing this side of you. The abusive side is hot also but …subtly comedic Roxas is a whole new ballgame."

"You …" I pointed a finger at him, unable to even pull together any combination of words to describe him at that moment.

His eyes softened a bit. "You know I have nothing _but _nicknames for you." Axel leaned forward a bit to give me a quick kiss on my forehead and brushed the corner of his mouth with his thumb. He hovered above me for a moment, and then gave me one of his infamous Cheshire cat grins, "Though my favorite is probably Roxy …the Foxy is optional. It depends on the mood we're going for."

I sighed, cradling my forehead into my hand. "You know …you're lucky Ansem was in the room when you first called me that. Otherwise I might have just ripped your head off."

"But then we wouldn't be like we are now, hm?"

_No_, we wouldn't.

I lowered my gaze at the thought, as Axel stared at me expectantly for an answer. When I looked back up at him, he had downplayed the grin a bit and had replaced it with the soft smile I had seen him use so many times that night.

I was knocked out of my reverie of Axel's smile when I heard the heavy shuffle of feet sliding against wood and a low incoherent grumble. Axel, just as I did, turned his attention to the entrance to the kitchen to see Demyx's unruly mane of blonde hair emerging out of the darkness.

Demyx blinked blearily when we saw us staring back at him. He massaged the side of his face, heaving a sigh. "Dude, it's almost four in the morning …what the hell? Did you just get in?" Demyx's sleep laced voice permeated loudly throughout the kitchen. He looked hazily at me, "And why is Roxas here? …Was there another runaway or …family shenanigan or something?"

"No," Axel said shaking his head. "It's just a bit too late for him to head home right now." He looked at me and winked.

Demyx yawned again, and furled his upper lip into a disgruntled frown, "Well I'm going back to sleep then. Just wanted to check who the hell was up at this time. There was lots of noise and stuffs …" He turned around, waving an arm out lazily, "Night …don't let the um …you know …things bite."

Axel saluted him with two fingers and then turned his attention back to me once he heard Demyx's door close. "Now …where were we?"

"You were trying to kill me with food." I answered airily.

"…Was I now?" Axel asked, tapping the side of his face with his index finger.

I turned to look at the clock on the microwave and then back to Axel, "Axel, why don't we just go to bed and just eat in the morning? It's getting late ..."

Axel shrugged, "Alright, then."

He put away the box of pasta into an overhead cabinet and set the pan he had out on the stove into a cabinet left of the stove. Axel extended his hand out to me, smiling softly. I took it after a brief moment of hesitation and allowed him to lead me out of the kitchen, down the darkened corridor and into his room.

Axel had disappeared from the room for the moment, and went into the bathroom to probably go change into something to wear for bed. While I was waiting for him to come back I took the liberty to turn off all the unnecessary lights in his room. I sprawled myself out over the edge of the bed, losing myself in my thoughts for the moment. It had been a long night, no doubt. From dinner, to Axel taking me out to that spot in Westchester. Everything that had transpired over the past few hours was still fresh in my mind for evaluation. I hadn't thought too much about it during the ride home. But now, as I was presently, gave me some time to.

A lot of what Axel had said to me had made sense. This life was mine to live and _I _was the one that had to choose what I was going to do with it. If I were to be honest on what I thought of my life presently, I would say it was okay. I'd come a long way from who I was last November to who I was now by the end of July. I'd faced the demons, or at least, I tried to face the demons of my past and resolve my issues with them.

I'm going to jump on the same wagon that Axel and Ansem had been on and admit that dealing with my issues surrounding Hayner was definitely a big step up for me. I'd been trying to bury him under everything else for so long I failed to take a minute and actually realize what his death signified for me. It was the end of something as I'd known it but …it was the beginning of something else.

It's normal to grieve. We all deal with pain in our own way. But when we lock out the source of our problems, things just mount to something bigger and grow to a point where we just …don't want to deal with them anymore. That's what Hayner was to me. Although it wasn't the easiest thing I'd done, I'd dealt with it, hadn't I? I guess that was the important thing.

Other than Hayner, there were the problems I had with my father.

My father… I didn't exactly know what to make of our relationship. He had come to his own sudden self realizations and with that he'd decided to turn over a new leaf not just with me, but with my entire family. Just because I'm taking on the company as of now doesn't mean I'm letting my father into my life, or choosing to forgive him for that matter.

A few choice words he's uttered to me in an hour doesn't do anything to combat years of what he's put me through. It's going to take time to establish anything with me. Who knows if I'll ever have a decent relationship with him? Who's to say he won't revert back to the man he once was? I know they say people often see the err of their ways on their death bed. So, when I think of my father and all that he's said to me since he was discharged out of the hospital …I can't help but think, what if he never had that heart attack? Wouldn't he still be the same man he was just last November?

…Granted, he said he's been thinking about how fractured my family is ever since earlier this year …but that heart attack was the catalyst for him to set everything right. What happens when he gets better? There are just too many ifs, maybes and buts surrounding my father. I don't know if I could handle the type of stress he brings if I let him into my life again.

And there was everyone's favorite topic—Xemnas.

I had some thoughts on Xemnas every now and then. But the flashbacks—as they were before—weren't taking control of me like they used to. I kept myself grounded, reminding myself that everything that I experienced at any given moment had been in the past and none of that could touch me in the present. There's always the fact that he took a part of my life away from me that'll never get back. But, I suppose with help from …well people who are close to me; I'll be able to move forward. I hadn't heard too much on Xemnas in the press …and I think I'll feel more at peace if it stayed that way. Hopefully he was still doing the same now that he was in jail.

Thinking of Xemnas led me to think of Axel and what I had told him last night.

I hadn't actually fully told Axel about what Xemnas had done to me, but I think I had hinted at it enough for him to piece _some _things together. Knowing Axel and the way he is, he wouldn't press me for any information. He'd let it come as it is, when I was ready to tell him something that I'd let him know.

Sometimes… I wish Axel were a bit forceful with me at times. I knew he could be if he really wanted to. Yet most of the time Axel was just too understanding and patient with me. …I guess …that's something you need in a relationship, though. If you bicker constantly like morons without trying to listen to the other, nothing ever gets resolved and you always have to—or at least try to—find compromise in everything. Lucky for him, I'm not the most compromising person. Yet, for some odd reason, I think Axel likes it that way. I've always been a challenge for him since he first met me.

I can't believe we've come so far …and …

"And what are you thinking about now?"

I opened my eyes to see curious green ones peering right back down at me. Axel was a mere three or so inches from my face, staring back at me with wide eyes and a lopsided smile. He only wore a pair of loosely drawn sweat pants, having discarded his wife beater from earlier. I sat up wordlessly, causing Axel to edge off the bed and stand at the foot. I turned to look over my shoulder at him, and then promptly looked away when he kept his gaze fixated on me. Honestly, even after we'd established our relationship as it was, I hated having Axel stare at me. It wasn't …anything creepy …it's just the feeling he gave me when he did. I wasn't accustomed to it at all. These feelings were all new to me again …

I felt the bed dip down behind me, "Rox?" He prompted again.

I turned to look at him briefly, "I'm …just tired. Let's just …" I pointed toward the bed, not finishing my thought. I rolled off the bed and walked around to the opposite side so I could fix the sheets on my side of the bed.

Axel scratched his head and shrugged, "Sure …"

I guess my reward for dealing with my demons was forming the positive attachment that I had with Axel. How he had put up with me for so long was completely beyond me. If our situations had been reversed for whatever reason, I sure as hell know I would have been like all those who tried to help me before and just give up.

But not Axel.

Axel was just different from everyone else—anyone I've ever known. And especially after tonight, when he gave me reassurance on us—how we were, where we were going, what would become of all of this. It settled me a lot. When I think about everything that's happened to me ever since I lost Hayner …I think I was just waiting for someone like Axel to come along so he could set me back on track again. But I'm too …I don't know. I …know eventually I'll tell Axel how much he means to me when the time comes. But, like I said before, I'm content at where we are now. I rolled over on my side to look up at Axel who was sitting on the opposite edge of the bed looking through his phone.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Looking through some texts that I missed today …" He cracked a grin and held the phone up to my face, "Read."

"Who's it from?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbows as I reached for the phone. I squinted at the message briefly before I could read what it said. "'Happy Birthday. Hope you had a good one, Fire Crotch.' …_Larxene _sent you this?"

"Original, isn't she?" He motioned for the phone and I handed it back to him.

I raised an eyebrow at him, "You're talking to Larxene now?"

"I've seen her around a couple of times since the whole thing with Marluxia and the release party." He shrugged. "I'm civil to her if you're wondering. There's nothing beyond our relationship besides that."

"Hmm …" I collapsed back into bed, and stared back at him. "Are you almost done?"

"Yup." He set his phone off on the nightstand, stretched and then reached for the lamp to turn it off.

Axel caught me completely by surprise when he did a dive roll into bed, grabbed the ends of the comforter and rolled us both into what would be the equivalent of a human sushi roll. I groaned as soon as the world stopped spinning when I landed on my back. I opened my eyes to find Axel staring straight back at me.

"I hate you." I whispered, letting my head hang back as I sighed.

Axel nudged the side of my face with his nose. "You say it, but I know you don't mean it, Rox."

"How the hell do you expect me to sleep like this?" I asked, staring down at him. I groaned, wiggling my arms out of the bundle that Axel had surrounded us in and let out a sigh of relief when I got them free. "Sometimes I wonder why I put up with you."

Axel shrugged his shoulders, moving away from my cheek and propped his elbows up on either side of me. He blew some of his hair out of his eyes and grinned. "Because you don't want to expel the energy to fight?" He murmured in a voice that meant that it was more so a statement than a question. "Come on, Rox …I'm not tired just yet …"

"Well _I'm _getting there." I sighed again, closing my eyes. He dropped his elbows, shirking away further into the comforter. "Axel, what are you—"

Before I could get the words out, Axel was lowering himself in-between my legs, pausing momentarily. He then proceeded to latch his arms firmly around my waist and proceeded to puff his cheeks out and blow directly onto into my belly button.

I let out a sound somewhere between a strangled yelp and a forced laugh. When he did it again, I tried to still myself from making too much noise but I let out the same forced laugh as from before, except with more vigor. Did I ever mention that out of _any _other place on my body …I am _notoriously _ticklish on my stomach? Of all places, he just had to find the **right **one on the first go round. I was going to _kill _him.

Axel picked his head up from my stomach to look at me, "Hearing you laugh and seeing you smile all in one night. I'd say I hit the jackpot." He pulled my shirt back down, and crawled back into place above me.

"You are not going to live a day past twenty four at the rate you're going." I murmured.

"And what rate is that?" He whispered.

I met his eyes without much effort, staring at him blankly in the darkness for a moment. I couldn't think of anything else to say, and Axel wasn't making any effort to start up any sort of conversation. So, I took that as my invitation to lean in and kiss him. And with that, the whole light, playful mood that Axel had created from before was gone. We rolled again so that I was hovering above him, and he was laying flat on his back, hair splayed out like a fiery halo.

Axel's hands idly worked themselves into the back of my shirt, gripping at its edges. I leaned into his embrace, drawing my arms parallel to the sides of his face. The kiss started out slow at first, a few quick and chaste kisses here and there. Axel would occasionally run his hands along the length of my back while I locked my arms firmly around his neck. After some time, the kiss naturally progressed in a more heated direction, full of needy groping and an over abundance of tongues and saliva.

Truly, Axel was putting up as much a fight for dominance as I was.

I got us to a point where I was hovering above him again, pinning his hips firmly into the mattress with my own as I pressed forward into him. Axel stared up at me with half lidded eyes, his breathing heavy and completely caught off guard by the force I was using on him. The moment I rocked back a bit to adjust myself over him, I became all too aware of the little _problem _that he was experiencing.

"Rox …Roxas, wait …wait a—"

I hiked my right leg up a bit, pushing myself back with my left so that I landed on his upper thighs. I leaned forward, about to slide my hand onto Axel's inner thigh when his hand immediately latched around my wrist and halted me from progressing any further. I stared down at Axel in the darkness, and in an instant he bolted upright with me still straddling his thighs.

"Rox, we're not going to do this tonight."

I looked away from him, drawing my back up straight as he released my hand.

"…We're going to eventually though, aren't we?" I countered, staring back at him with what I assumed to be the same look he was giving me. He was quiet at the thought. Axel frowned slightly. I assumed he was at a loss for words. I leaned forward, "Well? I know it's crossed your mind before, hasn't it?"

"Of course it's crossed my mind." Axel glanced away from me.

"Then tell me what the problem is." I said, my voice growing lower.

"I don't want to feel like I'm forcing you into anything." He replied calmly, still perturbed by our current situation.

I'd considered the possibilities of us actually having sex. I figured it would happen …well …whenever it would happen. And I suppose it was this night that gave me the final clarification that I'd be okay doing it with Axel. I suppose I probably caught him off balance; Axel wasn't used to me being so _impulsive _about things. And even as we were right now …it didn't mean that we _had _to do it. But, I wanted to. I don't know why, but I just felt like this moment …after everything that had transpired and happened on this night, we should. It just felt _right _to me in this moment in time.

I shook my head, "Don't, Axel."

He considered me carefully. "Are you …absolutely sure about this?"

For my answer, I merely leaned forward pressing my lips firmly against his again. Axel eventually broke away from me and slowly rolled us back over so that he was hovering above me and my back was once again on the bed.

"We're going to take it slow, alright? If you want me to stop doing something, just tell me." He murmured, searching my eyes for some type of confirmation.

I merely nodded and he took that as his signal to continue what he was about to do. I lowered my legs from around his back, allowing him to adjust himself into a comfortable position over me and for a greater expanse of movement on both our parts. Axel reached for the edges of my shirt, wrapping his fingers firmly around the fabric and motioned for me to adjust my arms so he could slip the article of clothing off.

He yanked the shirt off with fluidity, and threw it behind him into one of the far corners of the room. He caught me a little off guard when he leaned into me again, pressing my hips firmly into the bed with his own and began kissing me again. Axel steadily moved away from my lips, drawing soft butterfly like kisses down the side of my jaw, underneath my chin and stopped at my neck.

I slowly drew my arms around his neck in to pull him closer to me. Moving away from my neck, he flicked his tongue over the outer shell of ear, tracing a line down back down to my neck and started to suck gently on the skin directly south of the nape of my neck. I inhaled sharply as my right leg seized slightly, rubbing against the outside of Axel's left thigh. He drew away from me slowly, and I turned slightly to look at him.

He ran the bottom of his tongue ring along his lower lip and smirked at me, "You like that, huh? I'm only getting started, Rox."

I heaved a long breathy sigh, "...This was **my** idea you know?"

"I don't see you objecting to me taking control of the situation." He whispered back at me, his smirk only widening as he withdrew the tongue ring back into his mouth. Axel kissed me gently on the cheek, as I drew my arm over my face in irritation. He lowered himself back down, steadily drawing his kisses away from my neck and onto my chest.

With a gently nudge, he grazed the tip of his nose down the center of my chest and abdomen, ending a few centimeters short of my navel. He trailed back up in the same direction with ghosting kisses that barely touched my skin.

Axel took a brief moment to adjust his position against me, pushing me back against the bunch of pillows behind me in the process. He pushed my left leg down, drawing his own legs onto either side of it. His right leg, in turn, slipped between both of my legs, leaving only but a small space between his right knee and my crotch.

Jesus—_fucking_—christ.

I squirmed, more out of need than anticipation, letting out a frustrated noise befitting a small child. My heart rate was beginning to accelerate away from its usual evened thumping. I kept my arm fixed over my eyes, not even bothering to look at what Axel had thought of my reaction. He followed the same line he made from before, varying between nuzzling my skin with his nose and barely caressing it with his lips.

After what seemed like an eternity, Axel caught my attention again when he dipped into the skin below my belly button, gently experimenting on the area with his tongue to see what type of responses he could elicit from me. The lower Axel got, the heavier the thudding in my chest became and the harder it was to stifle my pants.

Axel drew himself up over me again, grinding his hips heavily into mine as he pressed down heavier into me. My legs seized up again, rubbing against his own again. I moved my arm away from my face in irritation and stared up at Axel who was looking right back at me.

"Axel, are you going to actually _do _something …" I groaned, "…Or are going to keep teasing me like this?"

"I said I'd take things slow. I didn't think you'd want to rush things …" He murmured, fiddling with his tongue ring again. I stared at him for a moment, and he smirked at me once again in reassurance. He withdrew away from me as quickly as he had come. Axel hooked two slender index fingers underneath the cloth of the pajama pants I wore, staring down for a moment, and then looked at me. "You know, there's a reason I have a tongue ring, Rox …"

At that, my heart basically went dead, as I could no longer meet Axel's eyes. I stared up at the ceiling, focusing on nothing but the muted color of sangria in the darkness. I wasn't …used to all of this …this …foreplay? This _was _foreplay, right? Or something like that?

I don't know. I don't have much sexual experience to go off of. Naminé was a terrible experience and anytime Hayner and I did something, it was a one-two-three thing. There was no tenderness or …anything of this sort. You got your pants down fast enough, attacked the other in a drunken haze and—

"FUCK, _AXEL_."

In my usual habit of drifting in and out of thought at all the wrong times, I failed to notice what Axel was starting to do to me. It was over—all the self control that I had tried to retain promptly flew out the window.

Axel was relentless. He never bothered to pull away from where he was buried between my thighs, or stopped for any reason—he just kept **sucking**. At first my moans came out in short, stifled sounds, like I was in pain (Hell, that was _far _from it). The pressure in my abdomen was building, and as much as I tried to still myself from moving around too much, nothing I did worked.

I eventually gave up trying to be quiet and resisting what I was feeling and opted to be much **louder** and _vocal _with how I felt—especially when he started to put the tongue ring to better use than he already had been.

"Jeez, Roxas. I never knew you could be so vocal..." He murmured, sounding a bit too pleased with himself. "Screw Dem and Zex, do you want my whole _floor _to hear you?"

"Shut the _fuck _up and don't you s_top_." I panted, glaring daggers at him in the dark, "Don't …you **dare** …stop."

"Well if you stopped talking to me …" He started, looking smug.

"You …_fucking _started with me, dammit!" I moaned again when he swirled his tongue around the top of my erection, rubbing the tongue stud against the slit in what I took as a vain attempt at having me beg for more.

"And vulgar." He laughed darkly, "Who knew how quick your demeanor would change when you're horny. I think I get more emotion out of you while sucking you off rather than—"

"**AXEL**." I snapped, forcing myself to sit up so I could grind a hand firmly into the top of his head and push him back down between my thighs.

"Okay, ok—mghh."

I stayed in that position, hunched over his head with my legs clenched tightly on his shoulder blades as he held firmly onto my hips to steady me from shaking so much. I fisted my hands into his hair, yanking at it gently whenever he hit a spot that was too sensitive or paused for a moment to readjust himself. By the time the pressure in my abdomen got to an ultimate high, I had tears forming in the corners of my eyes and was sobbing out profanities, completely unable to form coherent words anymore.

It was simply too much, and without warning, I let go.

Axel, probably sensing that I was about to burst, pulled off of me just as I unclenched my hands from his hair two seconds prior to when I finally did let go. My vision eschewed and the whole world spun before my eyes as I collapsed onto my back, my arms splayed out at my sides. Axel wiped himself on one of the bed sheets, and then crawled up beside me and ran the sheet over my chest. He discarded it to the side afterwards.

Axel rested his head up on a propped up elbow, and stared down at me, looking just as smug as before. He drew me in with a vacant arm locked securely around my hips. "I'd say I still do pretty good work, wouldn't you?"

I opened my eyes up slightly, staring up at him as I tried to refocus on reality. My chest was still heaving rhythmically as I tried to get some air into my lungs. "Smirky …ass …bastard."

"Mmm …love you too." He cracked a grin at me, shrugging his shoulders.

"You're still …" I murmured, moving my arm to trace my hand back to his inner thigh.

"Don't worry about it." He brushed his lips across the top of my forehead. "I'll take care of it later."

I shook my head, licking my lower lip, "That's …not much of a memory for our first time. Now is it, Axel?"

Then it was _his _turn to blush. "…Well, what do you propose we do?" After I stared at him for a while, it seemed like he had caught on to my train of thought and he shook his head. "Well …"

"Axel." I snapped, looking at him.

Axel hesitated for a moment as he mulled it over in his head, and then finally agreed to it. If I wanted to do it, then I suppose he would be up for it too. Shit, as if _I _weren't nervous about the whole thing. But it was our first time together, so I believed that this wasn't bound to be anything perfect. We were just getting used to the concept of being together, and this was just another part of that package.

…Actually, I retract part of my earlier statement. The blow job Axel gave me _was _perfect. …I'd …_definitely_ have to ask for another one of those in the future sometime. Seeing Axel for the first time was …well seeing the **OTHER** naked half of Axel was …it was _something_. I think I actually lost my voice for a few minutes or fainted or …or something. He had the _audacity _to actually laugh at me when I couldn't stop staring at him. Before I could throw a fit or tell him off, he was on top of me once again and promptly shut me up.

Through the entire time of Axel rocking against me, he kept asking me if I was fine or if he was hurting me in any way. I finally shut him up by grabbing him by the hair and pressing my lips firmly against his. I'm not going to lie, it _hurt. _The burn when Axel first entered me was pretty much unbearable. I don't care how much he tried to prepare me for what was to come, that lubricated condom did nothing to facilitate the discomfort I was bound to feel. Lubricated condoms my-sore-_fucking-_ass.

If it weren't for Axel and his abundance of St. Ives lotion I think I would have passed out before hand from the pain. Okay, and maybe the lack of lubrication wasn't the only problem. Axel had been a bit **too** enthusiastic beforehand, but honestly after awhile, I did get used to the feeling. You know, it was just about, if not _better,_ than the blowjob. I swear, I was going to be seeing stars for days on end.

We peaked at almost the same time, with me going before Axel. He eventually dropped over me, trying to regain his breath as I was. When my vision finally returned to normal and the world seemed to stop spinning, I stared at him through half lidded eyes and saw him smiling back down at me, the edges of his hair tickling the sides of my face.

I vaguely tried to smile back at him, but was too exhausted to do so. Axel rolled us back over so that I lay on his chest and he was flat on his back. When we were situated, he pulled the covers up over the both of us. He was silent, rubbing my back gently in an attempt to coax me into slumber, even though I was heading there regardless…

…The last thought I had before I fell under was; I was going to be **so** fucking sore in the morning.

xXx

_He was hunched over, shoulders heaving in rhythmic motion as he tried to steady his breathing. A fading wall of embers surrounded us, the dying flames flickering away and dispersing into thin air. I stared down at Axel's slouched form for some time before the words of a distant memory suddenly came to my mind._

_**You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you.**_

_**No one would miss me.**_

_**That's not true …I would.**_

_I shook my head and stared down at Axel with a weary gaze. He was still hunched over as he had been after we had fought. "Axel …"_

_He looked up at me, his green eyes eerie in the dim light—hopeful. "Let's meet again, in the next life."_

"_Yeah. I'll be waiting." I murmured, not exactly sure what he meant by it._

"_Silly. Just because you have a next life …" He didn't finish what he was trying to say as he soon became engulfed in darkness and disappeared from in front of me. _

_I slowly walked to the spot he had been standing in and stared down at it for a few moments. When I realized he wasn't coming back, I slowly turned my attention to my right and advanced toward the door that waited for me._

xXx

_Let's meet again, in the next life._

I woke up late the next morning with the smell of something sweet and ashen heavy in my nose. I was plastered against the inferno that was Axel's skin, and my entire body felt like it was made of lead and weighted down by gravity. I could barely move an inch without some part of me exploding into a fire hot soreness.

Axel was up, if barely, rubbing the small of my back with his knuckles whilst he kept his eyes closed. He was humming lowly under his breath, and opened his eyes when he felt me move a bit. I picked my cheek off of his chest, wincing slightly at the wetness on my cheek. A small smile graced his face and he stopped rubbing my back. "Hey."

I blinked at him, trying to focus my eyes. Yawning, I buried my face back into his neck, "Mmm …"

"Feeling perky today, hm?" He murmured happily, gathering me up in his arms.

"Need, air. Mm'hot..." I mumbled, shaking my head.

"The AC is on." Axel chuckled lowly. He shifted slightly and I groaned at the movement. He squeezed me again gently. "We've got the house to ourselves today. Zex and Dem are out for the entire day."

I glanced halfheartedly at him and fell back over onto his chest. "Mmm, Axel …let me sleep for a few more minutes ..."

Axel wordlessly obliged to my wish, going back to his rhythmic rubbing on my back until I fell back asleep. When I woke up again it was well into the afternoon, almost going on twelve o'clock. Axel was nowhere to be found and I was in bed alone with the covers drawn high around my body. The door to his bedroom was closed but I could hear the noise coming out from beyond the hallway. The moment I sat up, a throbbing pain shot its way up my back. I winced and gasped out in pain and slowly rolled myself back down so I was lying flat on my back in the bed, staring up at the ceiling of Axel's room.

Okay, so this was the downside to sex—_really _good sex.

I exhaled lowly and made an effort to sit back up again. After arching carefully off the bed, I sat back up again. The throbbing pain came back again, only not as severe as before. I edged myself off the bed by using my arms to slide off, rather than trying to move my lower half. I wobbled to my feet the minute they hit the floor. With a sheet from Axel's bed wrapped around me, I wandered around the cool room to try and find an article of clothing for me to put on so I could retire the cover back to the bed.

I finally found my boxers stuffed between the space of one of the night stands and the bed. I picked them up, inspected them for a few minutes and then carefully slipped them on as I let the sheet drop to the floor. The pants that Axel had lent me for the night were hanging off the edge of the bed. I didn't even bother looking for the shirt. Who knows where Axel threw it last night.

I sighed, rubbing the sides of my hips as I walked slowly out of the room. There was music playing in the living room, and from the sound of it, Axel was probably doing something in there. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw him twirling around with a broom stick in his hand, bent over like it was a microphone. The moment he saw me, Axel stopped what he was doing.

"Morning Sunshine!" He sauntered over to the couch to pick up a remote balanced on one of the arms and pointed it over at the stereo. "Sleep well?"

I stopped rubbing my hips and arched my back slowly. "Yes …actually …"

He leaned over, hands propped over the broom with his chin balanced above them. "How's your back?"

"My …back is …fine." I said, quirking my eyebrow gently. He tapped his hand on the broom, staring at me for a moment until something clicked. When I realized what his statement implemented, I could feel my face flush over and I looked away from him the moment he realized that I understood what he had said.

He hummed happily to himself as he proceeded to bend over to reach for the dust pan by the foot on the couch, "I love seeing you blush."

I ignored him, quickly changing the subject. "Where's Zexion and Demyx?"

Axel started to brush the trash into the dustpan. "I told you before, silly. They're gone for the whole day. They won't be back until later tonight." He waltzed over past me into the kitchen, his voice becoming muffled. "Are you hungry?"

"…I'd like some coffee actually …" I muttered.

"Coffee coming right up!"

I followed him into the kitchen and carefully slid onto one of the stools at the bar and watched him move about the kitchen. He was currently opening cabinets looking for mugs. I perched my feet against the cold metal of the stool and tapped the surface under my arms while Axel began to ready the coffee.

After a few minutes I started up the conversation again. "I had a dream about you last night."

He glanced over his shoulder, a smirk widening across his face. "Was it round two?"

I would have kicked him in the rear had I not been so sore. I settled on fuming silently, promising myself that I'd get back at him later. "**No**. It wasn't." I sighed, "It was about the two of us …we were fighting."

He looked up at me, his interest somewhat piqued. "Fighting …?" He was pouring the coffee into the two mugs now.

"Fighting as in …you had weapons and I had weapons." I glanced away from him for a moment. "I beat the shit out of you."

"Ouch." He winced in response.

"Anyway, you told me some people would …destroy me and …" I accepted a mug from him, looking down into the smoking dark liquid, "…That we'd meet again in the next life. I told you I'd be waiting."

He tapped his hand against his own mug. "What do you make of it?"

I shrugged, "It was kind of …strange, I guess." I took a cautious sip at my coffee. "…Straight?"

"I'm not by any means." He replied.

"Axel." I said, sighing loudly.

"I've grown …a bit more partial to it." Axel smirked, taking a sip of his own mug. "But back to that dream of yours. Was there anything else to it?"

I shook my head, "…Not really. I thought maybe you could tell me what _you _thought of it."

Axel propped his chin down in his hand, tapping the side of his face with his index finger as he looked upwards in thought. He pulled away, standing up straight again. "Maybe we did know each other in a past life. Who knows? I'm not that big on reincarnation …but there's this theory about reincarnation and soul mates. They say that a soul mate is someone who …you've shared other life times with through various reincarnations in time. They can be a friend, parent, child, spouse or whoever, it doesn't matter. They can also be of the same or opposite sex. I think the basic principle is that …there's a bond between the two of you that can never be forged with another person." He grabbed his mug and shrugged, "The world is a strange place, Rox. I don't have all the answers, but I can tell you what I know …"

"So you think we're soul mates?" I asked him, incredulously.

He smirked behind his mug, "Maybe."

"You're high." I said, shaking my head.

"No …that was last week." He replied offhandedly.

I sighed, shaking my head at him, "Axel?"

"Hm?"

I looked up at him. "What's going to happen to me now?"

"Well …" He scratched his head, "I still have to have a nice sit down with Mr. Wise about …_recent developments_. And I suppose as of now my job as your live-in is unofficially over. You do know I'm never going to hear the end of it from him about what's happened between the two of us right?"

"I …told him about what happened before you left." I mumbled, looking shyly into my mug. The last dregs of my coffee were floating idly around at the bottom.

"Well then, you just saved me about an hour's worth of hassle." He grinned.

"I suppose after awhile then I won't have to see Ansem anymore?"

He shook his head, moving his mug off to the side and leaned forward. "Not if you don't want to. Personally, I don't really think you need to. At least not anymore." Axel traced the rim of his mug with his finger and then pointed at me. "It was the third of November when I met you. Oh, surly, moody and uncooperative Roxas. …And now look at you. What a challenge you used to be…"

"As if I'm not anymore?" I asked, a bit amused by his description of me.

"Can't say you're not, but I've learned how to deal with you in some respects." He tapped his forehead, "Sometimes I can't tell what you're thinking about up here so I've learned to rely on your body language to tell me what you want. Like right now, you're relaxed, unguarded and …I'm pretty sure you're actually interested in what I have to say to you."

"How astute of you." I murmured, finishing the last of my coffee and pushing my mug off to the side. I looked down away from him, thinking about what he had said to me a few minutes ago. "So tell me, what am I saying now?"

"I'm getting some of the same vibes. Although …I think you want to tell me something but you're not sure if you should."

I ran my finger along the length, "What you said earlier has me thinking. It's basically been a year already…" I whispered to myself.

"A year since …?" Axel questioned, cocking his head to the side.

"…Since I was admitted to the hospital for my last suicide attempt." I replied. "Axel, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"My memories of that time are hazy, incredibly hazy. But there was time for a brief second where I was conscious. I think it was just after they had brought me in… I thought I saw someone that resembled you." I shrugged, "Maybe in my stupor I was just remembering seeing you from somewhere. But …I think I saw you. Were you there …?"

Axel shook his head, "The first time I ever met you was the first time you ever met me."

So it had been a hallucination. Maybe …Axel was right about the whole soul mates and reincarnation thing. Maybe I had known Axel from a past life somewhere down the line. Maybe.

"You want another cup?" Axel asked, pointing at my empty mug.

I wordlessly passed it off to him and Axel came back a few seconds later with another steaming cup of coffee for me. We sat around and talked for a little while until I decided that I was in serious need of a shower, where once again, I had to borrow some of Axel's clothes when I got out. Surprisingly, I could fit into Axel's pants …they just had a habit of dragging on the floor whenever I walked no matter how many times I rolled the bottoms up.

Axel informed me that Sora had called for me while I was in the shower. When I called Sora back he was all, 'hmms', 'mmm-hm's' and 'aha's'. After awhile I got fed up and told him to just come out with whatever he wanted to say. Sora shied away from my question, cut the conversation short and told me to stay as long as I wanted at Axel's house and that he'd see me whenever I came home.

I knew what he was thinking, and Sora was the _last_ person who had any right to suspect anything was going on between Axel and I. Hell, he still turned red whenever you mentioned Riku being involved with him in anything less than a 'platonic friendship' type of way.

Axel was in the process of getting the house back into gear. He explained to me that none of them had really had any time to unpack since their time on the road and the house had groaned to disastrous proportions since they'd been back. Really? I couldn't tell. You know, what with all the suitcases and boxes everywhere …nope, he _sure _fooled me.

I didn't really mind what we did. Although I didn't want to do anything too strenuous, what with my back and all. As long as I could spend time with Axel, I was fine. The first thing I helped him with was sorting through endless amounts of laundry, separating what was his from Zexion or Demyx's clothes. …Honestly, Axel was worse than a girl when it came to clothing. I've never known someone, besides my sister that is, to have …so **many **articles of clothing.

When we finally got through with sorting the laundry he began separating everything into loads and throwing them in the washing machine. Axel gave me the light loads to deal with which prompted my discovery of a flimsy leopard print thong in one of _his _clothing piles. Axel promptly snatched it away from me before I even had a moment to question him, and made an excuse about his laundry getting mixed up with Demyx's all the time and hid the thong God only knows where.

I also became acquainted with Axel's …_biggest _fan that day.

When we took a breather from working on whatever around the house, Axel motioned for me to come over to the main window in the living room to come look at something. There, across the street, was a girl staring directly back at us. She was heavy set, with a full shaped heart face and wide brown eyes hidden behind wide rimmed brown glasses. Her hair was held back in a ponytail and she wore an over sized t-shirt that read _I'm an A-X-E-L girl. Got it memorized?_

Axel called her his, 'self imposed girlfriend'. Turns out she stood outside the apartment building about once a week just staring up at his apartment windows like she was expecting to catch a glimpse of Axel doing something. She was at every single event they hosted in New York or Jersey and was overall just …creepy. This was _the _epitome of an over obsessed fan girl. The minute she saw us looking at her, she was awe struck, started to scream a few minutes later and flew down the street and out of sight. …So, not only was I dealing with _my _own personal fan girls, I now had _Axel's _to worry about. Oh joy of joys.

I stayed over at Axel's house again that night.

Just as Axel had said, Demyx and Zexion were back late at night. Axel and I had been eating Chinese take out on the couch and watching TV when Demyx came sauntering in with Zexion close on his heels. The only words Demyx could say when he saw me sitting next to Axel was, _YOU! _Zexion, being the normal person he is, greeted me politely as he excused himself into the kitchen. Demyx then went into a play by play of what he and Zexion had done that day at the beach, and at the end proudly showed off his sun burnt back to Axel and I. Zexion merely shook his head when he came back in the living room just in time to see Axel smack Demyx on the back and he crumpled to the floor, writhing in pain.

There was something about the whole little combined group of Axel with Demyx—who's not as bad as I thought—and Zexion that I found comforting. Perhaps it was the combination of Demyx, being the live fire he was or Zexion's incapable ability to placate any situation no matter how out of hand it got. Or maybe it was just having a sense that there _were _people I could turn to when things got rough. What I needed most was a foundation for something that I could build upon. Something that I could construct and rebuild after it had remained vacant for so long. And after mulling it over for about some time now…I began to realize.

It would all start with Axel.

_I'll be waiting._


	31. Flames

**31; flames**

The truth about my relationship with Axel broke in the beginning of September.

It happened on the night after the VMAs.

Axel had been harassing me for weeks on end about the stupid VMAs. He was relentless in begging and pleading with me to fly out to California with him, Demyx and Zexion for the weekend of the show. At least he promised me that we'd be back in New York as soon as the awards were over and down with. So, I went. I eventually got tired of his begging anyway and I knew he wouldn't give it up unless I finally consented to going with him.

I did enjoy myself somewhat. Though I do believe that the awards might have been rigged. I find it **highly** _believable_ that Britney Spears was _magically_ able to win her first three VMAs after the less than stellar performance she had given at the awards the year before. There was also the fact that MTV kept hyping up the point that she had always been nominated for an award and never _won. _MTV was definitely playing kiss ass alright.

After the show I wanted to head back to our hotel and just rest for the ride home. But, Axel dragged me out to an after party to 'hang out and mingle'. I don't _hang out_ and **mingle** with people. All you have to do is look at my history of what happens every time I go out with Axel to know that. You know, disaster usually strikes…

That night was no different.

Long story short, after we had spent some time in the main area of the party, Axel dragged me off to the side for a little while so the two of us could be alone. We went outside to a small secluded area with a spectacular view of the Californian sky line. Neither of us made much of an attempt at conversation, we simply made small comments to each other when we felt like talking.

After awhile, I eventually drew in closer to Axel, resting my head against his shoulder and interlocked my hands with his. He in turn, leaned in to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. I admit that it probably wasn't exactly a smart thing to do, being that we could have easily been seen. As far as I knew, security had taken extra measures against intrusion of privacy on anyone's part that night, so I suppose we were relatively safe at the party …

Right, I'll already say it now. I was wrong.

Palm trees? They provide _wonderful _cover for looming paparazzi who are in **PLACES **they aren't supposed to _be. _

After a year full of outlandish speculations, the media finally had the proof that they needed. It was everywhere I looked. The photos of us had spread all over the internet and every gossip column was talking about it. It was even on the evening _news_.

Right. As if my love life is worthy of being seen on the evening news. Give me a_ break._

While I was still out in California when the story first broke, Rikku was the very first person in my family to call me. Whatever she was yelling about was borderline unintelligible, so I put her on speaker to vent out her frustrations. I wasn't going to listen to her until she calmed down. When she was finally done, she talked to me like a civil human being and excused herself so she could get her bearings. Sora called a little while later. His awkwardness was in abundance, as was typical for Sora. After some small talk, he simply told me that he'd be waiting for me when I finally got home and that he would support me through the worst of it all.

Cloud …well, Cloud sort of did his silent approval thing and that was that. He tries to stay away from the drama. He's more of a 'come and tell me the real story yourself' type of person. He's always had a strong disdain for tabloids and such. I don't really know what my parents thought on the matter. Guess they were just pretty used to me making tabloid headlines; it didn't really faze them at all to begin with.

Demyx and Zexion weren't in too much shock. Actually, they were hardly in any shock at all. Demyx went about just pointing at me, then at Axel and then did a whole bunch of random shrugging and went about his merry way. I could have _sworn_ I saw a hint of a smile on Zexion's face even though he didn't say much to either of us about the whole thing.

The media storm surrounding us eventually died down a little after a few weeks. But it seemed that just about everywhere we went, our picture was being taken. Be it paparazzi or just random people on the street. Someone was _always _there whipping out a camera to snap away at us. If our pictures weren't being snapped everywhere we went, it was the endless amounts of interview offers that kept pouring in.

_Everyone _wanted the story on the two of us, and they **seriously **were putting up _a lot _of money to get it. We'd gotten attention when the two of us were just friends, but as a couple, it just became insane.

Honestly, after awhile it really started to drag to a point where I was getting sick of it. Axel was the one to finally release a public statement after he could see me getting irritated with all the attention we were getting. …But seriously, I don't think it did much but add fire to the already burning flame …

Apart from my love life going on public display, I started to work at my family's company.

Contrary to popular belief, I don't believe that I'm suited for desk work and all that other business stuff. I can only handle it but for so long …it's just too constricting. It takes awhile for me to get bored of the same routine on a daily basis. However, being cooped in a four walled office every day with my father, his executives and advisers just around the corner, made me feel like blowing my brains out with a loaded gun.

Oddly, that sounds vaguely like something Axel would say.

He was definitely rubbing off on me for sure as time went on.

Speaking of him, Axel visited me at my office on more than one occasion. The first time he ever showed up, he drew the eye of every female worker in the building out of her cubicle and stumbling behind him. My secretary—my father simply _insisted _I get one—even fell prey to his charm when he approached her asking for me. She could barely get a word out beyond, 'tall man' before I immediately told her to send him in.

…Axel made it a habit of coming to visit me at work on his time off from promotions and such.

Not that I minded though. He was a welcome distraction from all the paper work I had to look through and fill out. Why, I even developed a new appreciation for my office desk when Axel showed me a few certain things that we could _do _on it on my break times. …_Those _sorts of things if you catch my drift. I think we might have scarred my secretary a couple of times …

Ahem. Moving along.

Axel left for the Organization's Eurasian tour in the beginning of October. The night previously we had had a somewhat quiet (it got a bit _louder _later on) evening at my house. I had basically kicked Sora to the curb and sent him packing to Riku's for the night so I could spend some time with Axel before he had to leave.

The morning after, the time I had been dreading for the longest had finally come. Our goodbye at the terminal gate was short and bittersweet. We stared at each other for a long time before Axel broke the tension by cracking a smile and ruffling my hair and told me to behave and take it easy while he was gone. All I could do was nod my head slowly, return the hug he gave me and watch him walk away from me, waving to me as he went.

Axel left wearing my promise ring...

(Which might I add, the tabloids claimed was an engagement ring. Guess Axel got his wish after all)

My last session with Ansem ended on the day after Axel left. I could have ended long before then, but I wanted to see Axel off first before I did. Then I'd have no distractions and I could go into Ansem's office with somewhat of a clear mind and be ready to talk.

The session I had with him then was by far the longest I've ever gone through. It was more or less a sum up of what I'd be doing for the rest of my life now that I'd gotten through the majority of my problems that had been mounting over the years. Ansem and I ended on a good note, and he told me he would welcome me back with open arms should something else arise that would prompt me to return to him.

I kept the offer at the back of my mind.

Axel and I kept in touch when we could. Mostly through text messages and the occasional phone call when he could manage the time to call me. Honestly, the next time Axel went on tour, I was going with him. The second time Axel left was nowhere as bad as the first. It was lonely, don't get me wrong. But I kept myself occupied with work and whatever else I could find so my mind didn't go straying.

However, in the beginning of November, everything stopped. We went from nearly daily communication, to _none._ Naturally I began to worry as to what had happened, but I chalked it up to him probably being busy that week and I'd probably receive something from him soon.

No go.

By the next week, I finally got my answer to what happened.

I got pulled out the middle of a business meeting by a call I wasn't expecting at _all. _It was Zexion. All he did was tell me that it was important that I get down to St. Vincent's hospital as soon as I could. He left me no time for questions but told me to give my name to the receptionist as the front desk and they'd take care of the rest. Obviously confused as to _why _Zexion was back in the city during the middle of November, I immediately excused myself from the meeting and basically raced out of the building to hail down a taxi as fast as I could.

My mind instantly went into overdrive and all I could think of the following: What if something had _happened _to Axel?

I more than walked into St. Vincent's Hospital—nearly broke down the doors would be more accurate. After producing the proper identification and relinquishing my name to one of the woman behind the front desk, they phoned up somewhere and then gave me authorization to use the elevators.

The minute I opened the door to the room number they had given me, I breathed a sigh a relief when I saw Axel sitting on the hospital bed, drumming his fingers against his cheek as he stared blankly at the television above him. At that same moment, the three of them all turned to look at me. Demyx grinned upon seeing me, Zexion looked relieved that I had made it and Axel flashed me one of his best "I did something kind of bad, but you still love me anyway" smiles.

He opened his mouth to say something, but Zexion instantly held out a hand to silence him and pointed at the pad in his lap. With a resounding sigh, he scribbled something out on the pad and as I crossed the length of the room to reach him. When I looked down on the paper, I instantly frowned.

_Promise you won't get too worked up before you hear what happened? _

I narrowed my eyes at him in confusion. Zexion immediately cut in to explain.

Turns out Axel had developed a vocal cyst from straining his voice early on in the tour. After his voice dwindled into basically nothing over the course of their past few shows, they finally got him off to a doctor who instructed them that it would be in his best interest if they put the tour on hold in regards to Axel's health. Which would explain why they were back in New York so suddenly. He was due in for surgery the following morning.

Zexion and Demyx excused themselves from the room to allow us a moment of time to be alone with each other. The first thing I did was yank the pad out of his lap and smacked him as hard as I could upside the head with it. Axel ducked in anticipation, recoiling from the hit. Afterwards, I threw the pad off to the side, and threw my arms around him and murmured into his shoulder how worried I had been. In what remained of his voice, he whispered into my ear, _I'm sorry for being an idiot. _

Yeah, well he's _my _idiot.

Axel's surgery went on with little to no complications, and he was stuck in speech therapy for awhile. I suppose the development of the vocal cyst was kind of beneficial in a lot of ways because it got him to stop smoking. Although …it prompted Axel to find a new hobby in the form of …knitting. …_Yes_, **knitting**. …I still don't know if the first thing he ever knitted for me is suppose to be a _scarf _or a _hat _…I didn't even bother to ask.

I brought in the New Year with Sora, Riku and Axel. The four of us were huddled around the plasma screen in our apartment watching the ball drop in Times Square. Riku and Sora eventually went off to _celebrate _not long after we entered the new year. Axel and I laid awake in my bed for half the night listening to the two of them. What a way to end the year. …Listening to your brother get it on with his boyfriend ..._nice_. Either way, that was the end of 2008. Or as Axel called it, "The Year I Rocked Your World."

…Idiot.

I guess all that's left is to talk about what everyone's been up too in these past few years …

Rikku traveled to London right after the summer of 2008 ended. Yuna was taking a gap year from school, so she went with Rikku. She stayed with Rikku for about a year before she returned to the states. My sister fought to establish herself in the fashion world. She did a few magazine covers when she first got out there, but her focus soon switched to design.

Sora, Cloud and I flew out to England to see her at the end of 2009 to see the debut of her fashion line she called _Godhand_. She also ended up with her own reality show on the Style network which documented her daily life in London and her break out into the fashion scene. It ran for about three seasons before being put on hiatus.

I don't know why, but shortly after she turned twenty she came back home to New York. She said she needed to get away from Europe for a little while and she didn't elaborate any further. She moved in with her friend Paine when she came back. I suppose when she feels up to it, she's looking to head back out on her own again for more fashion endeavors. I think she's setting her sights on Japan this time around.

Cloud's story is a bit …more lengthy.

Whatever was going on between him and Leon broke off in early 2009. Honestly, no one in my family knew what was going on with the two of them. Rikku suspected they were 'hot' for each other; Sora was blind as ever and I was somewhat on the same boat as Rikku, seeing as I vividly remembered what I had heard on Thanksgiving in the past year.

Cloud, however, remained tight lipped and private. He never confirmed anything or made an attempt to debunk suspicions. Leon eventually moved out of their shared apartment and moved all the way down to the East Coast to Florida where Cloud mentioned he had family …or something. As far as tabloids go, supposedly it was my brother's fault for the infraction on their relationship.

So I'm not entirely sure who's to blame for whatever happened. Either way, the two of them kept quiet on things no matter how bad the media seemed to want to pry. Cloud eventually found himself with a Victoria Secret lingerie model by the name of Tifa Lockheart in the spring. I guess … my brother wasn't as gay as we thought.

They dated for a couple of months before Tifa announced to the media that she was pregnant with my brother's child towards the end of 2009. A little while later, we were all surprised to find out that instead of giving birth to _one _baby, Tifa was pregnant with **twins. **By the following summer she gave birth to a pair of fraternal twins. A boy, Denzel and a girl, Marlene. I'm not sure if my brother plans on marrying Tifa in the future, that's something that remains to be seen. However, completely unrelated to Tifa, I've heard that he's started talking to Leon once again. So whatever that's supposed to signal for his future, I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

My father and mother have been fine. They're trying to steadily rebuild a relationship that's been tarnished for years and getting themselves back to where they used to be. According to my mother, they're looking to move into a quaint little estate upstate away to get away from everything and settle down.

I've kept up with Pence and Olette within the past few years, and we've reestablished our friendship as it once was. Last I heard from Pence, the two of them were looking to get engaged after they found out that Olette was two months pregnant at the end of this summer. Pence hinted very subtly to me that if they _were _going to get married anytime soon, he had the perfect idea of who he wanted to be his best man. …He better not be thinking of me.

Speaking of friends, I got to talking to Naminé in the past year. We've gotten our relationship back to the point where besides turning to Axel for something, I'll call her up and talk to her about whatever. She's looking to go off to Paris for a year or two to get a change of scenery. Supposedly things with Larxene weren't exactly …going that well and she wanted to get away before anything too drastic happened. Axel merely told me over dinner one night, "Larxene tends to have that effect on people after awhile."

Finally …there's Sora and I.

Sora and I sold our apartment in the beginning of the spring in 2009 and moved into our own respective places. Sora moved in with Riku—big surprise there—in his apartment on the Upper West side and I moved into a loft in the East Village… with Axel.

Sora's Crimson Jazz has become somewhat of a household name over the entirety of the city. He's looking to possibly branch out the chain into other states, starting in California, but that remains to be seen. I haven't mentioned her in a while, but Sora mentioned that he's talking to Kairi again. They have a 'friendly' relationship as Sora likes to call it. She's going out with some guy named Setzer now. He's this really really _really _flamboyant male 'underwear' model. …Guess Kairi just has a thing for guys that aren't as straight as they let on. Either way, Sora's happy with Riku though …and the two of them are pretty content with life as it is.

Soro ended up coming with _me _when Sora and I split, when it was **Sora **who got her in the first place. "She likes you more!" Was the reasoning he gave me when he shoved her off into my care. I've been pretty much stuck with the spastic dog ever since. …Not that I mind though, sometimes it's kind of cute when she wakes you up in the morning by licking your toes …or nose. …Not so cute when she manages to get into _other _parts of your anatomy and you think it's a certain red head trying to give you a rather _nice _wake up call, but no, we won't go there.

Organization XIII is still going strong although Axel is always telling me how he's considering an early retirement. Right, as if he could do it. Demyx and Zexion are regulars at our loft. Demyx is usually eating us out of house and home and Zexion is pretty much a mediator between all the stupidity that goes on whenever Demyx and Axel get together. …Just like old times, you know.

The tabloids still pick up on whatever it is that we do, but I'm sure the general public has gotten used to the idea of us being together. I don't mind as much as I used to. We've even managed to earn ourselves a stupid couple nickname with time. Ready? Wait for it …

Roxel.

…Yes. _Roxel_.

Axel thinks it's hysterical. I think whoever created it needs to have their **head **ripped off.

Off topic from Axel for a moment, there are other things I should mention. I've made it a priority to go out and visit Hayner's grave every year on the anniversary. Axel usually comes with me although he tends to be a bit wary of what to do at times. I don't hold onto Hayner like I used to. I still miss him, yes, but …things are better now. I've got someone to look after me like he used to …

I've also heard on the news recently that Xemnas turned up dead in his cell recently. They ruled it as a suicide. …I'm not sure what to make of it, and maybe it'd be a bit harsh to say justice was served, but ultimately, to me at least, it was. As time passed, little by little, the story of what Xemnas did to me came out. Axel, in turn, told me some horrific stories of what his own mother used to do to him as a child.

Oh, I also took an interview offer from Barbara Walters this autumn and sat down with her to talk about what life has been like since I met Axel and just about everything that came before it. It ran for as a prime time special …and I suppose it was received generally well by the public. I didn't care actually, I just wanted to get the _true _story out there and stave off all the stupid rumors, and I think that's what I was aiming at to begin with.

…On the topic of Axel again, I've got to talk to him about what we're doing for the holidays this year.

I'm thinking about getting everyone together at our loft for a Christmas party or something. My family, Pence, Olette, Naminé, Demyx …Zexion …and maybe Axel can invite his grandparents and Reno down if he feels up to it. (I'll never forget the first time he took me to see his grandparents. His grandmother—the person he gets his crazy green eyes from—took an instant liking to me when she first met me. She told him to, "Bring that nice young boy around again! I like him!" I have to admit, it was definitely a change of pace seeing **Axel **blush for once.)

It's been almost three years since I met Axel, and we're still together.

Life is …pretty much better than what it used to be in past years. It's not perfect, I don't believe it can ever be perfect, but I find that I can deal with everything a lot better than I used to. And I know if I ever fall back into my old habits again, I'll have Axel right by my side to pick me up again and set me right. It's been weird letting someone get close to me again but I'm able to work through it …

Because you know what?

I'll be fine…

Just fine.

_Fin_

xXx

**AND NOW FOR A WELL DESERVED, LONG OVERDUE AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

Bring out the tissues because that's the ending guys.

Finito, finished—done. It's over.

Thirty one chapters and I've finally hit the end. So where do I start? Honestly, I have no clue. I'll just start writing how I feel, I guess.

Firstly, I want to take the time to dedicate this story to someone. I told her I was going to do it, she told me not to, but I'm going to anyway. I know you're going to maim me for this the next time you see me, but so be it! So, here we go.

I would _really _like to dedicate this story to a good friend of mine by the name of **Winter Still**.

Why, you may ask?

Well, I can't put how I feel into words, but I'll try. Beyond always being there to listen to my daily rambles and complaints about how crappy my writing was, or how I thought the current chapter I was writing sucked, or how I needed help sorting and devising plot, etc. She's just … really great.

That's the only way I can sum it up. I don't think she realizes it, but she really is. And even though our relationship with each other hasn't been the greatest at times, I still appreciate her. This is going to sound kind of funny, but the relationship between Axel and Roxas in Inertia is somewhat heavily inspired by our own. She's like my Roxas—or as Axel says, "My little surly, Roxy!" She's probably going to kill me for that one, too. Heh, but it all works out. Cause I'm her wonderfully eccentrically retarded, Axel.

Seriously, sometimes when I had no idea what the hell I was going to write for a conversation between Axel and Roxas, I'd start off by using something from a conversation the two of us had had previously. So you remember all those infamous one liners from Roxas? Half of those were from her. I digress. Before I get off track again, what I'm trying to simply say is …thanks.

Really, thank you.

So there. My terribly ultra super gay dedication is over. Moving along.

_Inertia Creeps_ was a story I originally thought of during a turbulent time in my own life. A lot of the story is written from combined personal experiences—from people that I know and that of my own—even though I am in no way rich nor famous like our two leading men in this story.

I suppose that's why I felt that it was so easy to write Roxas's character in the beginning chapters of this story. Around chapter eleven is where the shift in Roxas truly begins, so things after that proved a bit challenging to write. I'm not exactly sure I perfected it even then, but I did my best. At least, I think so. I hope so.

Anyway, the storyline went through a ton of revamps. In earlier versions, I was going to have Axel move in with Roxas and live with him on a day to day basis instead of being around whenever someone wasn't around to watch him. That steadily changed though, and I'm glad it did. It gave me a better flexibility with writing things.

As for the job that Axel does, I'm pretty sure something like that does exist in real life. In the story, Roxas is under something like a conservatorship; with Axel being the person that's kind of keeping watch over him. So yeah, pretty sure it does exist, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't happen like it does in _Inertia Creeps_.

Which leads me into this point.

I spent a good portion of my time researching a lot about psychological and mental disorder to form an appropriate tone for the characters and the story. Although I already do know quite a bit of the basics of psychology, I needed to make sure I got things to a point where they were real and believable. I wanted the characters of Inertia Creeps to have a reason for their behaviors and why they reacted to others in the way that we did.

For example, Roxas's sexual abuse as a child and then Hayner's unexpected death gave reason to Roxas's standoffish and distrustful nature toward Axel in the beginning. Roxas, clearly pissed off at Axel's sudden intrusion into his life would prompt anyone (or so I believe) to react in the way that he did in the beginning. I suppose after his break down he _could _have continued to react to Axel in the same way, but I suppose he had had enough of what his life was and maybe saw that he could get back to a functioning level if he stopped fighting with Axel and cooperated with him.

I've always seen Axel as someone who looks after Roxas and genuinely cares about him. Out of fandom, canon, in fandom, whatever. I mean look at what happened in KH. The guy basically spent the entire game trying to get his best friend back. Hello, "_He made me feel like I had a heart._"

On the topic of Roxas's whole dream and the reincarnation thing, I thought that after everything in Roxas's life had fallen to shit, Axel …kind of came back to him and sort of helped him fix and mend it up again, you know? …Hence: _Let's meet again in the next life/I'll be waiting. _

As for the environment that I created in Inertia Creeps, the setting I mean, I wanted it to be somewhere familiar. What better than to pick the city I grew up and live in? Although not completely written to the exactness of the city, I tried to be as accurate as I could. Apart from being familiarized with the area, it's so big and unconfined. It made it more interesting to write about where the characters could go different places rather than having the action situated in just one place.

And, yes, traffic can be as crazy as described in the story.

I've had people ask me about this. All the chapter titles are song titles. I'm … really too lazy to list artists, but if you're really dying to know the artist of whatever song, just send me a PM and I'll tell you. Some songs were supposed to tie into the chapters lyrically, and others were more of the feeling of the music than anything else. I also had a habit of changing chapter titles last moment before I actually posted them because I'd found some song at the last minute that I felt tied in with the chapter more.

After I wrote this epilogue and looked through it to see if there was anything I missed, I got the idea that this final chapter could have been interpreted as Roxas writing a _long _overdue entry in the journal that Ansem told him to keep, as opposed to him speaking out directly to the reader. Although, if you look at how I wrote this, it kind of has a different feel than the other chapters. So I guess it's all up to how you want to interpret it.

I'm not exactly sure if I could have added more to wrap things up but I didn't want to drag this chapter out to be too long. I wanted it to be sort of short and sweet, you know? I think …I did that. I _hope _I did that. You guys tell me.

Hmm, well, that's everything, I think. So, I'll end with this.

I think ultimately what I was trying to convey in Inertia Creeps is that …we all need someone.

I believe most of us, if not all of us, have memories that honestly are best left forgotten and never to be unearthed or recovered again because they're just too painful to remember. And I know people may feel as if they're being weak by opening up to others and telling them, "You know …this happened to me when I was younger, and I find it hard to get over it." And whatnot, because sometimes people can be so judgmental of others, it's horrible.

We're all human and … I know we can't be saints all the time and welcome everyone we meet with open arms but if we can put a smile on someone's face for just a few seconds …then I think that's a lot more helpful in the long run than just ignoring someone in need. I'm not saying to rush out your house and help nearly everyone that crosses your path but …well …people say it all the time, and it's too damn true. They're just **too **many people out there without a shoulder to lean on when they feel as if the weight of the world is on their shoulders.

So I'm saying that if you can just reach out to one person at all and make them feel a little bit better about themselves be it from a compliment or actually sitting down to listen to what they have to say …then I think that's a lot more effective than going on about your life complaining about society as it is than actually taking a stand and _trying _to rectify wrongs.

I know we all wrong people all the time and we also let others break our faith and trust in people, and it's hard to get over that …_really _hard because we're so fragile. But sometimes all it takes is opening your heart up to that _one _person you meet and you'll learn that not everyone's looking to break your spirit or faith in what you once believed in.

…Well, then …that's it. I think I've said what I wanted.

Hopefully you've picked up something from this story be it small or something big. I hope that maybe, perhaps, I was able to help someone out in some way. I had a lot of fun, everyone. Thanks for all your reviews and fan art and so on. Sometimes when I felt like I wanted to give up on writing, you guys definitely inspired me and got me motivated again.

So thanks. Really, thank you. To all of you. Without you guys, I don't think there would be a point to me writing this story at all. Keep rocking, lovebugs.

I'm out.


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